Ring cold feet.... What is wrong with me

[GliderPoss]

Some really good posts in this thread, I guess I’ll just add the HABIT of wearing rings on a certain finger does take time! I was married for many years and can wear any ring on that finger and not feel a thing, yet if I try to now wear rings on my RH side I’m constantly hyper-aware of the ring and hate how it feels. I’m literally trying to “practice” on that finger to make it feel less awkward!

 

[Ally T]

@MillieLou I am only just catching up on this thread. I was so sad to read how you felt about your beautiful ring, given the time, effort & emotion you put into making it happen. It is an absolutely STUNNING diamond, but I totally get where you are coming from.

There are some amazing insights here from others & some of them really made me think about my own things too, but I think ultimately it probably does come down to you not being used to wearing rings & I'm glad you are giving it a go. How are you getting on with enjoying having it on your finger? Are you starting to relax & feel happier? Please tell me you have persevered??

Now, I have a little thread of my own to post this week, as The Dream Ring happened sooner than expected (but be patient as I'm rushed ragged & want to take amazing pictures!) So your thread got me thinking about cost versus emotional input, given that this has cost the same as my Evoque. However, I have lusted for it for FAR too long to not allow myself to enjoy it. Yes, i am hard on my hands & always have been, but it will be insured through our house insurance & so I will bloody well enjoy the heck out of it, all day, every day. I have sacrificed so much over the years, from potentially my life to have our amazing children, to giving up my career to stay at home when Mr T started his own business & was working every hour of every day, plus going off to Europe or the US at least once a month. I have kept ALL the shit together & ALL the plates spinning. And now, as he says, I deserve this. My happiness makes him happy. It's been a long 10 year journey, but it has come good & as a team, I am so proud of us. Do you know he once told me off for buying an expensive cheese with my weekly shop when the company was a baby & we were really poor? I cried over that wheel of cheese & how impoverished my life had become, just to set this business up. But it was rather delicious!

My point being that nobody is suffering as a result of you owning this perfectly cut diamond. You have a good job, a nice life & a loving husband who backed you all the way. Release the guilt & be confident. Go & rock that rock!

 

[MillieLou]

Aww thanks so much for all the replies. I have read them all but it's hard to carve out time to reply! Now I'm finally sitting down with a cup of tea and a cat

I have found that I love looking at gemstone and diamond pictures online. I love the pursuit of buying them. I love how they are beautiful, some rare, and likely to be admired by others. I love the feeling of having these items. Wearing them, not so much. I have 3 custom rings that I have worn maybe two or three times for a couple hours each. Like you, I worry about damage or loss which would dampen the good feeling I get when I look at them.

Maybe it's a personality type? Coin collectors and collectors of rare books or other items don't wear their items yet they still covet and collect. We just choose to collect beautiful jewelry and stones.

Yes to all this. I agree it's probably a personality type.

Like others have said, thank you for this thread @MillieLou! I have found everyone’s thoughtful comments useful, as well. I agree with so much of what has been said, but I would especially stress the point of how important emotion and commemoration is to my feeling connected to my jewelry. I suspect being a doctor, you’re a pretty logical and rational person, and I wonder if the long journey, enjoyable for its own reasons, might have managed to disconnect you somewhat from what this upgrade is celebrating? 10 years deserves commemoration!

This might not apply to you as strongly, but the thing I realized is that there is a funny relationship between spending in noticeable way (which means something different for everyone, of course) and commemoration. I think it’s kind of about making a sacrifice to the emotion of the moment?

For most my life, I was totally one of those folks who didn’t need parties or gifts or anything to mark an achievement or holiday. The change of mind occurred when our only child was born. Right before he arrived we did something that I thought was frivolous and idiotic—we bought expensive watches and arranged to have them engraved. We called the store while still in the hospital to tell them his name and the date, and picked them up right after. I thought it was such a waste and so dumb, but I went along with it because of the DH. The watches cool and amazing bits of engineering and even sparkly, but I had all the ”what a waste of money” and “who do I think I am” and “this was a stupid thing to do” thoughts. Until about 3 years later, when OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT WATCH. If I wear it 3x a year its a lot (because I wear an apple watch most days, and am I supposed to wear 2 watches?), but it doesn’t matter because that is the watch of when our son was born. It sits up in my jewelry drawer beaming its specialness. I don’t even have to wear it.

And what I realized was a version of the “where is all my damn stuff?!” —where is my tally of a life well lived/the things that I am proud of? I think in the end the best jewelry is all about emotion, there is nothing rational about 2 or 3, or even say a 5 carat ring. It’s all emotion in the end.

I am so happy you’re keeping your beautiful ring. What if you did something to remind you of why you went on the quest in the first place? Maybe get it engraved on your 11th? “From 10 years to 11 and on..” or some other meaningful thing to anchor it for you? Or maybe, having gone through your cold feet period, it will always be a reminder to say “Silenzio Bruno!” to all those impulses to talk ourselves out of the happy.

This is so true. Thinking about it, it takes me time to form a sentimental connection to things. Pretty much everything I now treasure, I would happily have given it away soon after I got it (eg the ring commemorating my child, even my wedding ring). But as these things stay with me and collect memories, I grow more attached to them. And I'm glad I have something to remember the occasion.

Dear MillieLou, I just wanted to say, that I love your ring and I think you did an awesome job choosing it. Take some time, allow yourself time to adjust and to get used to fact that this treasure is yours and your are the rightful, well deserved owner of it.

If after several months you still decide to sell it, you will be very sure that it is a right decision for you. And do offer it hier on PS first. I am sure there will be people willing to buy it. I would be surely one of those, as I absolutely adore your ring

Aww thank you. This is helpful to hear

I have a ring like this too!
It’s beautiful and just sits in the box. It’s got a trendy thin band that just doesn’t work for my work/lifestyle. I’ve worn it around the house a few times but it doesn’t bring me joy. Do I regret buying it? Yeah kinda.

Hugs from one not-an-idiot to another.


(Told MrCamels that I’ll require three engagement rings- a proposal ring pop, the dream ring and one to wear to work so I don’t have to worry about hurting said dream ring. He told me that’s reasonableI am so glad he understands me! Also glad he’ll let me contribute so I have less guilt about costs. Anyone else much more frugal with their OH’s spending than their own?!?)

Three engagement rings is definitely reasonable! Positively restrained, in fact This ring SHOULD work with my lifestyle, with the way I wear it... so hopefully I can get used to it.

I know the feeling of not liking to wear rings because of wanting the full freedom and use of your hands. It's the reason why although I have a nice engagement ring in beautiful 18kt yellow gold (and even though it is bezel set), I don't wear it because of the lifestyle that I choose that brings me more joy and fulfillment.

I'll never sell it though because the story behind it means a lot to me and it is one of my special pieces that I treasure.

As for my other 18kt yellow gold pieces from when I went through a spell of collecting very fine gold jewelry, I don't wear those anymore either. Rather, I wear 14kt gold pieces that look nice and are well-designed but are hard enough to withstand my active lifestyle and can be banged around.

That being said, I had a custom ring made with a sapphire that looked too baubly on my hand so I recently had it made into a simple solitaire pendant, which made it way more enjoyable to wear. Perhaps this is an option for you so you don't lose money *and* you can wear your beautiful stone!

I am also a Marie Kondo with stuff because material things require time, care and attention and if something isn't working for me, then it just bugs me. But before looking to get rid of something, I ask myself if it can be re-purposed or perhaps put toward something else that may be more appropriate and suitable.

Anyway, don't get rid of your diamond! It sounds like you appreciate it and take good care of it and you deserve it.

This is a great idea. It helps to think I have options other than "keep forever as it is or sell right now". We are definitely similar with the material things feeling. DH doesn't get it, he'll happily have stuff just sitting there doing nothing, while my inner Marie Kondo schemes about how to get rid of it....

Also, jewelry-buying has been very trial and error for me and it has taken me a long time to build up the discipline of appreciating certain pieces on others and admiring the craftsmanship and quality of a piece yet knowing it is not for me.

The good thing about diamonds is that they never go out of style and can be transformed into something that works with your lifestyle!

This is what I'm trying to achieve. Look at the pretties, appreciate their beauty, but don't feel I need to buy it.

This thread has been wonderful to read. It's so good to share these feelings, doubts, and even regrets with people who understand. In the past 2 years, I have sold most of my jewelry and kept maybe 5 special pieces. Now I'm beginning to look at a few things because I am bored with wearing the same things all the time.

Live and learn!

I fear this will be me if I get rid of things. Deep down, even though I tell myself I won't buy anything to replace it... I probably will. Then that's more money wasted. The comment upthread about art galleries understanding the need to switch things up to refresh the eye resonated with me. I have been so focused on having "one ring to rule them all" / a "signature ring" I didn't stop to consider that maybe alternating 2-3 rings is better to keep the eye refreshed and the appreciation alive.

Some really good posts in this thread, I guess I’ll just add the HABIT of wearing rings on a certain finger does take time! I was married for many years and can wear any ring on that finger and not feel a thing, yet if I try to now wear rings on my RH side I’m constantly hyper-aware of the ring and hate how it feels. I’m literally trying to “practice” on that finger to make it feel less awkward!

Habit - yes definitely! That's another thing I've realised from this thread! Sometimes you just have to practice physical things. We can train our bodies to do so many things - surely getting comfortable wearing a small piece of metal weighing a few grams and tiny mineral isn't that big of a deal.

@MillieLou I am only just catching up on this thread. I was so sad to read how you felt about your beautiful ring, given the time, effort & emotion you put into making it happen. It is an absolutely STUNNING diamond, but I totally get where you are coming from.

There are some amazing insights here from others & some of them really made me think about my own things too, but I think ultimately it probably does come down to you not being used to wearing rings & I'm glad you are giving it a go. How are you getting on with enjoying having it on your finger? Are you starting to relax & feel happier? Please tell me you have persevered??

Now, I have a little thread of my own to post this week, as The Dream Ring happened sooner than expected (but be patient as I'm rushed ragged & want to take amazing pictures!) So your thread got me thinking about cost versus emotional input, given that this has cost the same as my Evoque. However, I have lusted for it for FAR too long to not allow myself to enjoy it. Yes, i am hard on my hands & always have been, but it will be insured through our house insurance & so I will bloody well enjoy the heck out of it, all day, every day. I have sacrificed so much over the years, from potentially my life to have our amazing children, to giving up my career to stay at home when Mr T started his own business & was working every hour of every day, plus going off to Europe or the US at least once a month. I have kept ALL the shit together & ALL the plates spinning. And now, as he says, I deserve this. My happiness makes him happy. It's been a long 10 year journey, but it has come good & as a team, I am so proud of us. Do you know he once told me off for buying an expensive cheese with my weekly shop when the company was a baby & we were really poor? I cried over that wheel of cheese & how impoverished my life had become, just to set this business up. But it was rather delicious!

My point being that nobody is suffering as a result of you owning this perfectly cut diamond. You have a good job, a nice life & a loving husband who backed you all the way. Release the guilt & be confident. Go & rock that rock!

OOOOOOH now hang on a minute there..... Are you saying what I think you're saying????

OK OK I'll be patient

You deserve it so much, and you're right, our lovely bling is not hurting anyone, indeed it's providing a valuable public service by giving bling-deprived Brits something nice to look at

 

[Ally T]

Aww thanks so much for all the replies. I have read them all but it's hard to carve out time to reply! Now I'm finally sitting down with a cup of tea and a cat


Yes to all this. I agree it's probably a personality type.



This is so true. Thinking about it, it takes me time to form a sentimental connection to things. Pretty much everything I now treasure, I would happily have given it away soon after I got it (eg the ring commemorating my child, even my wedding ring). But as these things stay with me and collect memories, I grow more attached to them. And I'm glad I have something to remember the occasion.


Aww thank you. This is helpful to hear



Three engagement rings is definitely reasonable! Positively restrained, in fact This ring SHOULD work with my lifestyle, with the way I wear it... so hopefully I can get used to it.


This is a great idea. It helps to think I have options other than "keep forever as it is or sell right now". We are definitely similar with the material things feeling. DH doesn't get it, he'll happily have stuff just sitting there doing nothing, while my inner Marie Kondo schemes about how to get rid of it....


This is what I'm trying to achieve. Look at the pretties, appreciate their beauty, but don't feel I need to buy it.


I fear this will be me if I get rid of things. Deep down, even though I tell myself I won't buy anything to replace it... I probably will. Then that's more money wasted. The comment upthread about art galleries understanding the need to switch things up to refresh the eye resonated with me. I have been so focused on having "one ring to rule them all" / a "signature ring" I didn't stop to consider that maybe alternating 2-3 rings is better to keep the eye refreshed and the appreciation alive.



Habit - yes definitely! That's another thing I've realised from this thread! Sometimes you just have to practice physical things. We can train our bodies to do so many things - surely getting comfortable wearing a small piece of metal weighing a few grams and tiny mineral isn't that big of a deal.



OOOOOOH now hang on a minute there..... Are you saying what I think you're saying????

OK OK I'll be patient

You deserve it so much, and you're right, our lovely bling is not hurting anyone, indeed it's providing a valuable public service by giving bling-deprived Brits something nice to look at

That diamond is just stunning I am so glad to see you letting it make a little groove on your lovely hand. Stick with it & it will feel right at home in no time! And also, love the cat. I have a Lilac Point Birman & she looks very similar to your kittie!

And yes, you are right in what you think I am saying! Eek! Will post it up soon!

 

[canuk-gal]

That diamond is just stunning I am so glad to see you letting it make a little groove on your lovely hand. Stick with it & it will feel right at home in no time! And also, love the cat. I have a Lilac Point Birman & she looks very similar to your kittie!

And yes, you are right in what you think I am saying! Eek! Will post it up soon!

HUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!