Resetters and upgraders---How did you decide?

[Boogins]

This is kind of a philosophical question, but I figured since I have been trying for almost 3 years now to determine what my upgrade will be and have so far decided on tons of options and changed my mind each and every time, I thought I would ask those more experienced than me for advice. For those of you that have either picked a wedding set that you adore or reset/upgraded to such a set, how did you get there? I don't mean stone, setting, etc., I mean...how did you decide on a combo that still makes your heart sing? At the end of the day, I just want to find a setting and/or stone that make me smile and feel content when looking at my left hand. A little background on me....I have a 0.70 H&A RB in a plain jane solitaire with curved pave band that my hubby picked out. Not exactly my style of level of bling, but I have resigned myself to wearing it until I:
A) Have the cash to upgrade (and with diamond prices the way they are, that may be longer than I had hoped)
B) Finish talking hubby into such upgrade and
C) (turns out, the hardest to accomplish of all of them with my picky, type A personality) decide what stone setting combo will make me happy long term
I used to think I wanted to simply reset my diamond into a decliate rose gold with pink melee Leon halo, but recently saw a bunch of halos in person and (gasp!) didn't care for them on me. I was pretty dissapointed to realize that I had lusted over this ring in my head forever and found out that I was wrong all along.
I have also over the years thought I wanted: a round with baguettes, an oval with pears, an EC in a pave setting, a chunky cushion in a delicate yellow gold solitaire, and the tacori 2525 or 2643 (halos with baguettes). And I check pricescope at least once a day for new arrivals hoping to see something that is "the one." Since I realized that halos aren't my thing IRL, I am now thinking of upgrading my stone since 0.70 is just not enough diamond for moi!
One thing I have learned is that settings look SOOOO different IRL than online and that it is best to just go see them when possible. Same for diamonds....ECs are just beautiful in person IMO but don't do it for me in pictures for some reason.
I guess what I am saying is....how did you do it? Did you diligently research until "the one" jumped out at you? Did you go see every stone/setting combo in your state until you felt prepared to go custom? Did you just happen to love the ring your hubbs picked out for you? Why do you feel like your wedding set is perfect for you? Thanks!

 

[AprilBaby]

I went from a .35 to a 1.25 stone and realized I had 2 beautiful earrings that would make nice side stones so I decided to make a three stone ring. The three stone was quite popular at the time and I really like it and still do. I don't see myself ever upgrading again.

 

[Boogins]

Hi AprilBaby. Thanks for the response...were you pretty keen on an upgrade for quite a while? Was the upgrade something your DH was cool with from the beginning? My DH was pretty bummed when I finally fessed up that the ring he got me just wasn't my cup of tea. But it was kind of his own fault, because he knows how picky I am and I begged to be part of the ring shopping process and he kind of decided "he knew best." Thank goodness he is a lot more mature and understanding now! We have both grown up a lot I guess.
All that being said, he still sees diamonds as frivolous and tried to understand my obsession, but doesn't exactly get it.

 

[D&T]

You are doing the right thing by trying all these types of style on IRL. I always had a particular style jump out at me since I was young. My style really doesn't differ that much now than when I got engaged. The last many resets I would make a collage of all the rings I've seen in person/online. Pick element that I liked and see if they existed in other rings. I also tried -very poor attempt to photoshop wedding bands with ering collages and see what looks "right" to my eye even though I dont particularly like matchy set for myself. It really was hard to pick all the elements for one ring, so I tried to distribute differing elements to a wedding band, and then remaining elements to the e-ring or vice versa.

So I knew I liked a solitaire with a little blingy wedding band. It wasn't just any solitaire for me though, it had to be just a little bit unique. I was drawn to "twisty" settings with a little substance to the shank too and hmmm, now how do I incorporate that and semi bezel...lol But I have gone through many many resets. I have also bought a few fake rings to test the waters.

I also tried two different diamond shapes, and I think one of the reason for my many resets was because I had the wrong cut/shape anyways, its all over now I picked the right cut for me and finishing up a custom setting for it with my Local jeweler. Both DH and I agreed that it was important that this last reset was with a local jeweler so I can make sure everything looks right on my finger (which I didn't do previously)

 

[Boogins]

D&T- I have loved watching your reset journey! I feel ya on needing something unique and a little different. I have tried buying fakes to test the waters too...and actually that has been pretty helpful. The trouble is, I seem to like so many styles that it is hard to narrow it down to just one! I think at some point I just need to accept that one wedding set just can't contain all the elements I like....I need to figure out what is most important to me and go from there. It is just so hard! Essentially I like brilliants mixed with step cuts (when done tastefully), delicate settings, elongated cuts, and a taper one the sides. I also love an art deco vibe and open airy profiles. Its funny how getting my first diamond has turned me into a fanatic.

 

[D&T]

Boogins, your ideal set sounds soooo gorgeous. Have you thought about future anniversary rings as well? I actually have thought of future anniversary jewelry gifts so that also helped me in decide what type of e-ring to construct. Have you narrowed down to whether you like the idea of soliatire? or with sidestones? how about the wedding band?

I wanted a solitaire, because it "screams" engaged/married to me...lol then of course I feel naked with only a solitaire so I have pair it with a band. I have a different idea of what I want my RHR anniversary rings to be like, so I didn't want to add those elements into my ering/wband combo, just so I can have something different to enjoy on the RHR if that makes sense.

 

[nfowife]

I have recently gone through this and it is so hard! With your first ring you don't get much of a choice- at least for most (non-ps) people, the guy picks out the ring and the girl loves it. pretty much period the end. I was the same, and did love my ring (which was nice- a 2 carat with .5 ctw sidestones). In my case, 3 years ago I lost my ring and I have recently been going through the process of replacing it and it has been so hard to make a decision on what to do. I literally spent hours and hours online looking at rings, went to local stores and tried on a bunch, and every day I'd find something new and beautiful. The problem was I felt like I could be happy with any number of rings. In my case I already had a wedding band that was made to match my original ring. I didn't have to keep it as my wedding band, but I had the vendor make me a CAD of a new setting (slightly different from my original) that matched my band. Although I wouldn't necessarily pick the band if I was buying today, I do have a certain attachment to it as it is my wedding band and it isn't a nothing piece of scrap metal- it is a 5 stone .85 ctw ring and it wasn't pennies when I got it, you know? So in the end I decided to go with the custom to match my band and I am really excited about it. I should have it in 2 weeks and I can't wait to have a rock on my finger again!
I do love halos and even tried on a bunch I liked. But in the end I don't see myself resetting in the future and I felt like I might get bored of the halo look since it is so popular now. I feel like my setting is a bit more timeless and fits my personality better and I have made peace with it- and I have stopped looking obsessively at settings!
I think in a few years (for my 15th anniversary, this year is my 10th) I might indulge my halo love and get a smaller 3 stone halo or 3 stone cushion or 3 stone cushion halo....there's one on the DBL website that is just drop dead gorgeous. But for now, I'm content with what I'm getting.
I think it's so hard to decide but I think when you do find something that you love and that fits who you are, you will know and be at peace with your selection. Best of luck!

 

[Haven]

Hi, Boogins.

I think you're on the right track going out and trying rings on in person.

I recently upgraded from a 2.01 ct modern cushion to a 2.3 ct antique cushion, so it's not a huge upgrade, more of a change, really.

I loved my original set, and wasn't set on upgrading at all. I spend a lot of time dropping in on and talking to my jeweler because he's always working on incredible projects (he's making a full set of silver for a client right now. Very cool! And he has an amazing 14 ct yellow diamond that he's desigining a setting for. Anyway . . . ), a couple years ago we had a conversation about antique cushions. After that conversation he told me he'd let me know if he came across any antique cushions I might like, and sure enough he did not too long ago. When I went in to see the stone I wasn't at all set on upgrading, but after I saw her it was l ve and I came home and threw myself on the floor in front of DH and said "I must have this stone!"

DH and I never explicitly talked about upgrading, but I picked out my original stone and setting, so it wasn't as if DH had an attachment to it for any reason. (We aren't sentimental about objects, anyway.) When I came home and told DH I wanted the stone his response was to laugh and say "Okay, honey. Get up off the floor!" He "gets" it that I love diamonds, just as I "get" it that he loves his peculiar hobbies.

As for the design of the upgrade, I think I had an easier time than you because I've always loved cushions and I just waited for the right stone to come along before I upgraded. Also, I loved my original set and stone, so I wasn't looking for a change, so I just knew when a stone droolworthy enough came my way and made the upgrade worth it.

As for the setting design, I was only inspired to design the setting once I saw the stone. I wanted a setting that would let the stone shine, and that would honor her antique-iness. I didn't even think about a matching band until I saw the finished setting, at which point I bought an inexpensive band on etsy.com to see if I'd like that style, and that's where I am now!

Here's a picture of my original set and my upgrade, for reference:

 

[Gypsy]

Me? Keeping a file of all the rings I love. And then going through and picking elements of them that I love. THEN haunting 'real' stores and trying things on and narrowing down what I like in real life versus on the computer screen.

On the one hand it was very easy for me not to chose an upgrade. My husband's one restriction on my jewelry activities is no upgrade of my engagement stone. AND it must remain the center stone of any engagement ring. So... that right there cut down my options.

But I still had a TON of things to chose from. Modern? Sleek? Vintage? Classic? Halo, three stone? Bezel? What kind of halo? Baguette or pave?

Ultimately I just decided to throw it all out and just start anew. I said, "If I were buying a brand new ring for myself what would I chose?"

That got me to three stone or solitare. I don't care for three stones asschers of my size on my finger size and that's what I have. So that ruled that out.

So I was left with a solitaire. BUT I wanted more size. So... that meant halo. But a plain shank as I want it to look as much like a solitaire as I could. I thought, for a long time, I wanted a baguette halo until I realized that having one made for my size asscher was going to cost the earth, and really what it resulted in was an illusion setting. Not my cup of tea. SO... that left pave. Then I commissioned one designer and she got really close to what I wanted. But I wore the ring for a few years and the tweaks I wanted to make jumped out at me.

So I had the tweaks done a month or so a go and I'm thrilled.

Long, long, long process.

Also what helped me a lot was my Aurora Band. It's got such a different personality than all my other pieces. And I realized... I don't have ONE RING that has to be perfect. I have one ring that has to be loved and worn. And a bunch of potential rings that I can work toward getting eventually.

I will eventually get a three stone with a larger (spread if not carat weight) center stone than my engagement ring. And it will be a RHR. And well... that will be a blast too.

 

[Lula]

Here are a couple of old threads on this subject...
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/the-original-e-rings.151371/page-2
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/re-sets-and-reasons.131704/

Right now I am having a love-hate relationship with my half-bezel setting. I dislike the way it covers up the edge of my diamond. I paid for a diamond that has "edge-to-edge" sparkle -- and it does -- so it seems a shame to cover even part of that up with metal but the half-bezel fits my lifestyle perfectly, so I'm kind of in a quandary right now, and trying *not* to think about it since I'm tired of spending $$ on settings!

But it's really hard to figure out what you like without trying on a lot of settings. And if you live in a city with limited jewelry store options, like I do, that makes it difficult. There's a lot more choice -- both in diamonds and settings -- if you are willing to buy online; however, that means you may be deciding based on trial-and-error, which is costly, even if the online vendors have great return policies. Shipping is sometimes covered by the vendor, but often not covered; and changing settings to accommodate changing tastes is really expensive these days, because, as others have mentioned, you can trade in/trade up the diamond, but not the setting.

It took me a long time to decide on size-color-clarity, and I went through an expensive trial and error process, both in diamonds and settings.

I found that I have to live with a diamond for a periods of time to really judge how I react to color and clarity. For example, I love lower color diamonds (L color and below) in photos, but they don't flatter my skin tone. I became more color sensitive over time, so that limits my choices. I have poor up-close vision, so I can't see most inclusions; however, I have mind-clean issues with clarity. Luckily, I bought my diamonds from a vendor who has a great upgrade policy! I finally found the perfect color-clarity combination for me, but I had to go down in carat weight to get it, which is okay -- for now, ha-ha -- since I don't live or work in a setting where big diamonds are the norm.

I also had lots of trouble choosing the right setting, because although I love blingy and intricate settings, they do not fit my "real life" at all. Delicate solitaires look awful on my square-shaped hands. I also love halos, and own a beautiful halo setting, but I felt really self-conscious wearing one as an e-ring (I'm okay with halos as right-hand rings and gemstone rings).

So I understand your dilemma, and the advice I have for you is keep a file of photos (like Gypsy mentioned) on your computer. And try on as many ring styles as you can, considering not only what appeals to you visually, but also your lifestyle. And, if you're not sure, don't be afraid to set your stone in an inexpensive temp setting for a while until you find exactly what you're looking for.

 

[AprilBaby]

In answer to your question, I didn't get an upgrade for 20 years. I didn't think about it for 19. I stopped wearing my original ring at about 10 years because it was tiny (both in ct size and in ring size). My husband was fine with upgrading as long as I kept my original diamond, which I had made into a pendant (which I told him was now closer to my heart ) Because the three stone was so popular at the time and there were so few other styles, I really didn't think much about doing anything else. I am happy with it the way it is and I really don't think about changing it to anything else. The next move will probably be to give it to my daughter.

PS, Haven: any chance your jeweler would let you snap a pic of the 14 ct yellow diamond for us to see?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Thw whole problem in deciding is that almost all of us like more than one thing. I was very careful to avoid settings that I thought might become dated or that I might get tired of. To make a long story short, I ended up with almost the same thing I had before, a solitaire e-ring and diamond wedding band, but the settings were platinum this time and the diamond larger and better quality. I decided much like D&T that a solitaire would allow me to have multiple wedding bands which would help keep me from getting tired of my set. In actuality, I love my Legacy band and really have not felt the urge to alternate it. (I am interested in a baguette-round milgrain bezel band, though!)


I think the biggest mistake someone can make is to spend thousands on an elaborate setting to only find something they love better the next year and then waste tons resetting again. So my advice is to focus on getting the diamond you want first and just wear it in an inexpensive setting until you find one you are sure you'll love long term.

 

[Gypsy]

Thw whole problem in deciding is that almost all of us like more than one thing. I was very careful to avoid settings that I thought might become dated or that I might get tired of. To make a long story short, I ended up with almost the same thing I had before, a solitaire e-ring and diamond wedding band, but the settings were platinum this time and the diamond larger and better quality. I decided much like D&T that a solitaire would allow me to have multiple wedding bands which would help keep me from getting tired of my set. In actuality, I love my Legacy band and really have not felt the urge to alternate it. (I am interested in a baguette-round milgrain bezel band, though!)


I think the biggest mistake someone can make is to spend thousands on an elaborate setting to only find something they love better the next year and then waste tons resetting again. So my advice is to focus on getting the diamond you want first and just wear it in an inexpensive setting until you find one you are sure you'll love long term.

Ditto this. That's why I ultimately decided on a halo with a plain shank. It was as close to a solitare as I could get and still have my DSS addresssed.

I LOVE and adore so many designs and styles. That's what my necklaces, bands, RHR, pendants, earrings (list goes on) are for. For a piece that you wear 90% of the time or more... I think you want it to be something that really works with everything. I see a LOT of really elaborate settings and I think they are stunning, but I think-- do I want to wear that for 90% of the time for the rest of my life (or for the next 10 years... or whatever). The answer is usually no. If I was able to upgrade my center to a stone that is 7.5-8 mm square (or rectangular 6x9- 7x10) I would have a solitaire or a tapered baguette three stone. Simple, elegant and timeless. I wouldn't have pave anywhere NEAR that ring. I'd get a pave band if I wanted pave. Or a number of different bands and alternate them for different looks.

 

[Lula]

Thw whole problem in deciding is that almost all of us like more than one thing. I was very careful to avoid settings that I thought might become dated or that I might get tired of. To make a long story short, I ended up with almost the same thing I had before, a solitaire e-ring and diamond wedding band, but the settings were platinum this time and the diamond larger and better quality. I decided much like D&T that a solitaire would allow me to have multiple wedding bands which would help keep me from getting tired of my set. In actuality, I love my Legacy band and really have not felt the urge to alternate it. (I am interested in a baguette-round milgrain bezel band, though!)


I think the biggest mistake someone can make is to spend thousands on an elaborate setting to only find something they love better the next year and then waste tons resetting again. So my advice is to focus on getting the diamond you want first and just wear it in an inexpensive setting until you find one you are sure you'll love long term.

Ditto this. I made this mistake, but interestingly, it was a plain platinum solitaire that was the biggest waste of money for me! I ended up selling it soon after I bought it because I hated the look of a narrow-band solitaire on my hand, and the head was too small to accommodate my new, larger stone.

But tastes change, and metal settings break and/or wear out and/or go out of style, so I think it's unreasonable to think that you'll keep a setting for a lifetime.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Thw whole problem in deciding is that almost all of us like more than one thing. I was very careful to avoid settings that I thought might become dated or that I might get tired of. To make a long story short, I ended up with almost the same thing I had before, a solitaire e-ring and diamond wedding band, but the settings were platinum this time and the diamond larger and better quality. I decided much like D&T that a solitaire would allow me to have multiple wedding bands which would help keep me from getting tired of my set. In actuality, I love my Legacy band and really have not felt the urge to alternate it. (I am interested in a baguette-round milgrain bezel band, though!)


I think the biggest mistake someone can make is to spend thousands on an elaborate setting to only find something they love better the next year and then waste tons resetting again. So my advice is to focus on getting the diamond you want first and just wear it in an inexpensive setting until you find one you are sure you'll love long term.

Ditto this. I made this mistake, but interestingly, it was a plain platinum solitaire that was the biggest waste of money for me! I ended up selling it soon after I bought it because I hated the look of a narrow-band solitaire on my hand, and the head was too small to accommodate my new, larger stone.

But tastes change, and metal settings break and/or wear out and/or go out of style, so I think it's unreasonable to think that you'll keep a setting for a lifetime.

I had to kind of laugh when I read the part in purple because that is very true around here on PS, but almost everyone I have ever known in real life did wear their original wedding set their entire life!

 

[Boogins]

Wow I am glad I started this thread because I think it has actually helped my indecision a little bit! I think I have been trying to make my center stone "work" for sooo long by finding the perfect setting that fixes all my size issues and style issues, when I probably just needed to focus more on figuring out what diamond size, shape, etc., I would ultimately want. I think my whole attitude has started to change recently, because before I was "just engaged" or "newly married" and thought that this stone was my forever stone and I might as well get used to it. Now I am almost 3 years married (dang that happened fast!) and am starting to think that a larger keystone shouldn't be ruled out. (Probably was listening to my non-pricescope friends who act like you have 3 heads if you mention ever possibly getting an upgrade. lol)
After reading what you all have said, I thought to myself, "What ring screams engagement ring to me?" When I think gorgeous e-ring, the thing that pops into my head is a three stone with graduated side stones a la round or EC with tapered baguettes, oval with half moons or pears, etc. And I always kind of wanted a plain wedding band but ended up with the pave one to help my DSS for a while. Then I would want a stacker to go next to the plain band (Oddly enough, a milgrained bezel set round baguette alternating band like DiamondSeeker mentioned would be my first choice!) Even if I had a humongous budget, I think my set would end up in some reincarnation of that...so I guess that should tell me something.
Also, I had always kind of thought that if I had the financial means, that I would get a few different wedding sets, so I could change depending on my mood. Maybe one in yellow gold? (BTW, Haven your new ring is to die for! Totally beautiful.) That way I wouldn't have to make one wedding set meet ALL of my jewelry needs. I guess what I am trying to say is, I need to stop and think about what I actually want and then plan for it....and stop trying to make my current stone work or make one setting do everything. Plus, I can always do something slightly unique with the profile or something if I want to feel like I put my stamp on my ring.
On a side note...something really weird happened tonight! I was flipping through a helzberg catalog that we got in the mail in the car and my hubby actually brought up me getting an upgrade! I tell you, I have tried to bring this subject up a bazillion times (in the most nonchalant ways I can think of) and he never takes the bait gosh darn it! He actually said that he would like to get me a ring that I would love someday and that if that means getting me a whole new keystone and setting, he is cool with that. That will be a while since my business is just starting to take off, but at least I know that now! I was always kind of dreading the time when I would approach him for an upgrade, but I knew it was a while off so I was trying to have the perfect wedding set in mind so that in case he told me to go ahead, I would be ready! Its just so weird that he brought it up today. lol

 

[Dreamer_D]

I focussed my energy and budget on the diamond first, because it is by far the largest output of money. Now I am moving on to the setting, which will be a three stone style. So I bought the side stones recently (Thanks again to Andrey and PS!) and now I am thinking about the setting. By the time I get the new setting the whole process will have taken close to 4 years. But getting the diamond sooner rather than later, and having a temporary setting, is for me the simplest way to go. The other rule I have is not to spend a fortune on a setting because I know I will likely change it over the years and my tastes change.

 

[marcy]

Boogins, I was quite happy and content with my original wedding rings for 16 years. The center stone was .15 ct with .06ctw side stones and I had a 1/3 ctw anniversary band. I bought a lot of colored gemstones some a jewelry store who has some very nice stones and I kept sending my friends there for their erings so for my 16th anniversary I decided I wanted an upgrade. We picked an AGS0 .53 and thought it was such a beautiful diamond that we went for a very plain setting. It didn’t take long for me to miss my channel set anniversary band. so we went back about a year later and I got a 1/2 carat anniversary band and a set stone setting with semi bezel set stones. I wore that setting for about 2 years. Last November I got a .81 ct GIA EX and put it in a 4mm curved band solitaire and got another 1/2 ctw anniversary band with more diamonds than my last band so it was thinner. I am already thinking of getting a larger diamond.

I think I liked my original set so much because of the sentiment attached to it. I actually put the diamonds from my ering in a heart shaped pendant and bought a spinel for the wedding set. The rest of my erings and wrings have no sentiment attached to them so I don’t mind upgrading them.

I think it’s a great idea to go try on multiple styles and shapes to see what you like. I think our tastes change (especially from seeing so many wonderful pieces of jewelry on PS) so maybe make your purchase from someone with a great upgrade policy.

 

[nkarma]

I think you answered the question for yourself. Try on everything you can in real life. If you see something on here that is interesting, find something close to it in a B&M.

I too had a ring in mind that I lusted over for years with online pics and when I went to try something on that was similar, I didn't like it. I then went back to a few rings that I had been looking at over and over again on here and now I believe I found my dream ring. I have had it for only 1.5 years, but I still look at it several times a day and ponder about how wonderful it is.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I tried on a whole lot of settings in stores near and far. I have had two temp settings for my two upgrades. I kept my first for a year
and traded up one more time for a larger diamonds. My last upgrade was kept for a year also while I pondered what I wanted to do
for a setting. I have had it for almost a year. Although I think it is beautiful, there are some things that I would change if I could.

I am not sure it is possible to have a setting that I would never want to change. Like another poster, I had my last ring for about
20 years and never thought of changing it or upgrading my stone. After seeing so many stones and settings on PS, I think I am
permanently altered! Not sure if I will ever be completely content again!

In making my decision, I tried to focus on a look that wouldn't look dated, that I could wear a band with, and that would highlight
my stone. I had to figure out first what was the most important thing to me. That is what I decided.

Originally, I was thinking halo, and didn't end up going with one. I still look at them longingly though.

 

[Sheherizaad]

Gosh... how I wish I had this thread about say...3 years ago...

My story is similar in many respects to everyone that's posted already. About three months into our relationship we knew were gonna get married but were in no particular rush. About a year into the relationship, I started looking at rings (I'm a planner and a researcher and very particular). It took me three years just to settle on a stone type (elongated cushion with a specific range of length to width ratio) and then about another 6 months or so in which I decided I wanted a solitaire "with a twist". What that twist was, I had no idea! But like many posters on this thread, I thought I would never love anything enough so that I would never want to change it, so I may as well go as classic as possible. What's more classic than a solitaire? Keep in mind, I'm dead set against an upgrade or reset or anything like that because I wanted the engagement ring I wear today to be the same one I wear at 80. I'm sentimental that way.

I suppose if I had an unlimited budget I would've made custom after custom ring until I made something to my exact liking. But my DF is not a millionaire so I had a one time shot at getting it right. And that's a lot of pressure, even if it is self-induced. So I resigned myself to going custom which meant I had to REALLY dig deep and say "what am I continuously drawn to"? It doesn't help matters that I have loves that are on the complete opposite end of one another (clean, modern minimalist designs vs art deco/romantic designs).

Well, long story short, I ended up going in the COMPLETELY opposite direction. I loathed three stone rings and what did I end up picking? A three stone setting! After some soul searching I realized, I never hated three stone rings in theory, but just in their execution. I'd never found any that were as delicate and elegant as the one I settled on. So in the end the only thing I can really stress is try everything on, even if you don't think you like it, because you never know...