Registry or no?

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/23/2006 4:35:10 PM
Author: amy94

I wondered about registries though b/c I have pretty much everything I need that''s for the household. China, crystal, utensils, appliances, etc... So what does one register for? I read somewhere that there''s a website where you can plan your honeymoon and people can buy you activities during your honeymoon or the plane tix or whatever. I thought that was a really neat idea but what do others think?
Any other non-traditional gift giving ideas?

I think it''s great to register with their photographer. Long after the day is done and the presents unwrapped, the pictures will hang on the wall to commemorate the day, and those pictures can run a bundle.

 

[Cailet]

I know what you mean Amy - my bf and I have been living together (well, not technically but close enough) for a while now and have sort of purchased things as we went along. I can''t really think of anything that we really need. Maybe a new set of dishes for day-to-day and china but everything else we have.

In my lurking over at the Knot people seem to be violently against the non-traditional registries. Although I think it is a good idea (if you register for a honeymoon or something like that). I guess it all depends on how your family and friends would react?
I think most of my family just gives cash anyways so when the time eventually comes I don''t think we will have an issue...

 

[roxy7]

I feel really strongly that you should either buy off someone''s registry or give cash unless (and probably not even then) it is a very very close friend or relative.

Honestly, if someone said that they didn''t want to give me something from my registry because they thought that their taste was better than mine and they didn''t like the stuff on my registry, I''d be pissed. First of all, taste is completely subjective. Secondly, giving someone else a gift is about THEM (the receiver) and what they would enjoy, not the giver. It''s kind of arrogant to think that you have better taste than them and thus will give them a "better" present than the one they registered for (not that this is what you are doing, Amanda).

As for the impersonal thing, I would just write a really special card to go along with it to personalize it.

 

[ilovesparkles]

How much cash is acceptable to give? I am an extremely poor college student and don''t have money to hand out left and right. So like I know $20 is totally unacceptable, but what is? I mean afterall I have to buy a dress and hotel stay andit will be a cash bar etc. So how much do you give???

 

[ellewoods]

I have bought wedding gifts off of registries and also ones I chose myself. Many of my close friends have gotten married in the last couple of years and I''ve always felt a gift from the registry wasn''t personal enough. I have never given something as personal as a handmade quilt, or poem, or artwork or whatever, but it just doesn''t seem very meaningful when I''m giving very close friends a set of towels they''ll throw out in a couple of years.

So what I''ve given to about 4 couples are a pair of crystal candleticks from Tiffany''s. They''re very pretty, classic, can be used over the years, and Tiffany has many styles to choose from. I''ve chosen different styles for different couples, depending on what I know their tastes to be (like more conservative or more modern). Every couple I''ve given the candlesticks to loved them, and no one returned them (I included gift receipts). I''ve personally seen many use them for dinner parties.

For the last 2 weddings I bought gifts from the registries. One because I saw they had already registered for nice candlesticks, and one because I was strapped on time and it was easier to buy something online from the registy and have it sent directly to the couple. When I do buy off the registry, I like to buy a major appliance (like a mixer, coffeemaker) or pieces for their china set.

I understand it can be a dilemma when the bride and groom already have household items and don''t need more, but I would feel uncomfortable if the couple just registered for a bank account, or for a honeymoon account, or for luxury items such as spa treatments, restaurant gift certificates, honeymoon activity vouchers, etc.

The whole purpose behind giving gifts at weddings traditionally has been to help the couple start their new life together, and help them furnish/establish their home. Once a couple starts asking for non-traditional wedding gifts that are personal indulgences (like ones you''d give on birthdays or Christmas), it doesn''t feel like a wedding gift anymore.

If guests want to give the couple a non-traditional gift, such as spa treatments on their honeymoon, I think those can be great gift ideas and very appreciated by the couple. I actually gave one such gift once -- I gave a $100 gift certificate for a very nice restaurant in Hawaii where the couple was honeymooning --and they loved it. But I don''t think the bridge and groom should actually register (and thus directly ask) for those things.

 

[bookworm21]

LOL. About the "ugly" comment: remember, one person''s trash, another person''s treasure.

That being said, I believe in getting the couple what I feel is appropriate. Like you, I can''t see myself getting them something that''s ugly, even if they did register for it. I would get them something I think is nice and include a gift receipt.

 

[monarch64]

My husband and I, since married, have given gifts strictly from the registry for the showers, and cash for the weddings. It seems to be en vogue here in the suburbs of Chi. to give a monetary amount that will "cover your plate." I come from a small town in the southern Midwest where this is unheard of, but then again, so is alcohol at a wedding...lol!

The most creative gift I have given (along with a gift of cash) has been a hand painted platter painted by both myself and hubby...my SIL operates one of those DIY pottery stores. Anyway, we had a fabulous time choosing a bisque platter and drawing out a wedding design and then painting it together for the couple whose wedding we were attending. The couple now lives two blocks from us, and has their platter (which turned out beautifully, if we do say so ourselves) on display in their dining room china cabinet. It was a nice way to "personalize" our cash gift.

For weddings we''ve gone to where the couple hasn''t registered (i.e. 2nd weddings, etc.), we have given Waterford crystal frames or something similar. Our feelings have been that the couple hasn''t needed household items, and wouldn''t necessarily appreciate cash, but would like something classic that is returnable in the event they didn''t care for the gift.

As for how much cash to give when you really can''t afford it: give what you can, and maybe include some sort of heartfelt words in the wedding card containing the cash/check. Coming from a small town, and still having friends who were in school when I got married, I received a few cards which contained words so beautiful they far outweighed the monetary gifts within, and we received so many nice notes and words from people who could not attend who had known us since we were small children (who had like 94 grandkids to buy Christmas gifts for, we were the last on their priority list), and just the acknowlegment of our wedding from them meant more to us than any material gift.

 

[akw94]

Monarch, that gift you made sounds pretty. I like things that are personalized like that.

Cailet, I have noticed that some are very much against non-traditional registry items as well. I am a little puzzled by that. If you feel it''s ok to buy an item from a regular registry, why not from a non-trad. registry? How is buying a dinner on a honeymoon somehow worse than buying a blender? The couple has said they want both but somehow one is less tacky. I think certainly, you don''t have to give off the registry but if you want to, why not give what the couple wants, rather than what society deems is appropriate. Should you put household items on your registry even if you don''t want them, so your guests feel like you''re not asking for $?
I agree w/others about not putting a registry card in an invite or making it clear that you only want items listed or you specifically want cash. I do think whatever is given should be appreciated but why limit what could be given. Just odd to me. I also like the idea of listing registries on a website.
Just my thoughts... I never knew this was such a touchy subject.

 

[roxy7]

I love the entire idea of a registry with all my heart. What better way to sve everyone the time and effort than to just buy something that you KNOW the couple actually WANTS, instead of deciding that you know that better?

The Tiffany candlesticks are an awesome idea. They will never go out of style and they come from Tiffany''s so people have the option of returning them if they don''t want them.

My sister got married last summer. We''re a Jewish family. Even though she had already registered for tons of stuff, people still got tons of stuff that they didn''t register for. One gift in particular that I thought was awful was a menorah -- it was made of blown glass and was all modern-looking and it was just really ugly. They got a bunch of Judaica that was a nice thought, but I''m sure she would have rather had the immersion blender that she actually registered for.

Basically, I would rather have cash, a gift certificate, or at least a gift with a gift receipt.

 

[Erin]

I''m very particular about picture frames matching the picture itself and I strongly dislike crystal anything - glasses, candlesticks, vases, etc. None of it.
I realize when someone does have a registry you''re free to pick out whatever you like, but I would hate for someone to go off my registry for anything crystal. My girlfriend got married last September, and she had a registry, and she still received like six different crystal items. She thinks they''re very pretty but impracticle for her lifestyle with a 2.5 year old running around.

Stick with the registry.

 

[ellewoods]

The idea behind the crystal candlesticks isn''t so that people use them everyday....it was more than they''re a nice, classic, heirloom type item that the couple can use on holidays and dinner parties and special occasions. Like their fancy china, as opposed to their regular flatware.

I understand some people may not want or like crystal for whatever reason, but I still think its a very safe bet for a wedding gift. All 4 couples I gave them to loved them. I''d love to receive a set when I get married.

And I knew that if someone didn''t like them, they had the gift receipt so they could return them and get something else they liked at Tiffany''s. Maybe it''s just my group, but I know every one of my friends would be able to find an alternative piece they loved from Tiffany''s.

 

[rainbowtrout]

For second couples: what about a "registry" that is a way to donate cash to a charity? This seems a classy way to ''give cash'' if you don''t *need* anything.

So, this is a little off the wall, but what about asking them to contribute to a college fund for the children or something? (I''m going with the ''donate money for the new baby'' idea here)

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 2/25/2006 4:15:11 PM
Author: ellewoods
The idea behind the crystal candlesticks isn''t so that people use them everyday....it was more than they''re a nice, classic, heirloom type item that the couple can use on holidays and dinner parties and special occasions. Like their fancy china, as opposed to their regular flatware.


I understand some people may not want or like crystal for whatever reason, but I still think its a very safe bet for a wedding gift. All 4 couples I gave them to loved them. I''d love to receive a set when I get married.


And I knew that if someone didn''t like them, they had the gift receipt so they could return them and get something else they liked at Tiffany''s. Maybe it''s just my group, but I know every one of my friends would be able to find an alternative piece they loved from Tiffany''s.

My mother does this too---there was some piece from tiffany''s she would buy when aquaintances got married, and if it was a close friend maybe she would ask them what they wanted from tiff''s. She was a tad shocked when i told her we weren''t buying the ering there, having been a semi-regular customer on their smaller items for years...

 

[ladykemma]

I am in favor of giving what they asked for. registry all the way!

One of the best weddings I ever went to in my whole life were some SCA/REN faire friends. It was a second marriage for both. we all wore our best garb and were requested to bring our best potluck dishes for the food. What a fun day.

being that it was a combined household, they didn''t ask for much, but they bought a fixer upper for the house and let it be known that they could appreciate "home depot gift cards" if someone wanted to bring a gift. excellent idea. It worked out very well.

 

[lilyinct]

Cash. We always give cash. Personally, I don''t agree with registries - I think half the stuff people put on them is to fill the space and that they''re never going to use them (that is if they get their full set of china or glasses or whatever).

I didn''t register, and about 95% of our guests gave cash, which we''ve used to buy various pieces of furniture around the house, as well as storing it away in the bank.

 

[plantationcatt]

Perhaps you could make a little gift basket of smaller items on their list that add up to what you can afford, and then add in a couple of non-registry personal items? For example, if they registered for a couple of china teacups, buy those and then a few nice varities of tea in a basket. Or if they wanted a waffle maker, buy them waffle mix and write out a home made recipe on a card...this way you''re getting them the things they want but showing you actually cared enough to do a little extra. And if they don''t like the little extra, oh well---it was inexpensive and no one will notice if they throw it away or regift!