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Registry or no?

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ammayernyc

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Just wondering what other people think...

Do you normally buy people''s wedding gifts off their registry or do you stray to get them something original?

I have five weddings this year, all of the couple have registered for the normal ''homey'' stuff, but I find it difficult to buy someone a blender or a roasting pan for their wedding, even if they asked for it. Also, most of the stuff is not my taste... which shouldn''t matter since it''s what they all like, but I have a problem buying someone something that I personally think is ugly.

Any thoughts?
 

blue_chica

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I have the same issue (in terms of feeling things aren''t personal or I don''t like them), but I always go with the registry unless we''re very good friends and I want to do something particularly special. They put them on the registry because they want them, and that''s really all that matters.
 

Erin

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We''ve been living together for years so not only do we not need ''homey'' stuff - we need to get rid of our duplicates - microwave anyone?

I''ve told my parents if people ask just to consider cash - because buying a house is first on our list. However, if I were to suggest items on the registry it would be things that otherwise I would want to buy myself. Even if it is just a roasting pan - that''s one less thing that eventually I''ll have to spend money on myself.

So I guess although it seems impersonal (or ugly) you are actually doing them a big favor by gifting them with something they consider valuable.
 

jlc0604

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I always buy off the registry. The couple spent a lot of time picking out the things they need and want, and sets that go together. And I like to get gifts that people want and can use. If I picked out something myself, it''s more than likely that the couple already has it, doesn''t have a use for it, or it won''t go with the decor of their home. So I figure it''s easiest for them to just get what they asked for in the first place.

And, I''m lazy and picking something off a registry is a LOT easier than stressing over what I think they''d like!
 

ammayernyc

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It just seems so impersonal...

We have a ''stock'' gift that we generally give for weddings. It''s an electronic picture frame -- you upload your photos to a website and then it sends the photos to the frame, a different picture each 5 seconds. Other people can access the website too so your family can also have rotating pictures of you.

However, the people who gave us this idea are getting married in April... so we have to get them something different. Everything on their registry is so ugly... I mean, I know they like it and want it, but I don''t know if I can bring myself to buy glasses or china that I would make faces at in stores. (I know that''s mean... but it''s true...)
 

lindsal

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How funny we were just having this discussion here at work today. Three of us are entering the "showers galore" period that the months before the wedding seem to digress into (like I have time to sit and "lunch" with people when I really should be doing real wedding planning/coordiation/assembling) and were saying, gosh it''s funny what some people buy you.

For example. Friend A had a very nice wooden salad bowl set from Bed Bath and Beyond on registry. Guest A got her a different set because "really the one you regsitered for wasn''t very durable or nice looking." Friend B is sitting at shower, and gets gift from Guest B, her future MIL''s sister... its a rug crocheting kit. Guest B says, well I saw on your registery some sewing and quilting supplies (friend B makes gorgeous quilts to stop her from starting smoking again.) so I thought this would be a great gift for you. Of course, no gift receipts for either of them... so who knows how long or what will happen with any eventual returns.

So, IMNSHO for right now as a bride about to walk down the aisle in 137 days.. I am sayinig go with the registry `100% becuase honestly I can just see right now that I am going to hate returning stuff. Either that or give CASH.. more drinks and another spa treatment at the spa on the honeymoon... (lol.. and I am only partly kidding.)
 

Brittany

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We just dealt with this after my sister''s wedding. My grandma, who is loaded but has really bad taste in gifts, asked me if she should buy something "Special."

I was like, "NO, please no, buy from the registry because they really need this stuff!!"

She did along with a cash gift. Having to return stuff is SUCH a pain when you''re trying to act newly married. I would be upset if people didn''t get stuff from the registry. We both live alone and I don''t need any more can openers (I Have THREE!!!)

Now is not the time to be creative or "personal", just wait until x-mas or my birthday and always give a gift receipt.

I don''t mean to sound snotty but registries are for a reason. People tend to feel that they are "closer" to the wedding couple than others and that they are the exception. This simply isn''t the case- it''s impossible to tell lots of people what you need and keep it organized without feeling disappointed.

Cash or registry please!!

Brittany
 

jlc0604

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Yeah, it's a little impersonal, but I don't think the couple minds. After all, THEY picked out the stuff on their registry so obviously it's not ugly to them!
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When I get married, like lindsal and her friends, I know I'll want people to either give cash or the stuff we picked out. So I just figure others would want that too.

I know a girl who thinks registries are really impersonal. We were talking once and she was saying that she always gets couples a nice vase for their wedding. Her thinking was that you can always use a vase. Well, I already have a couple of vases and really can't use anymore! I'd much prefer to get something else that I can use, instead of a vase that will just take up space in storage most of the time. So I hope that when I get married, her vase comes with a gift receipt
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But it just goes to show, everyone has such different opinions when it comes to weddings!
 

fountainfairfax

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I always buy off the registry for the shower and then its cash all the way for wedding. Guess its just a NY thing!
 

appletini

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I always buy from the registry, this way I know for sure that its something the couple wants and needs!
 

goldengirl

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Well, I''ve only been to one wedding, but I did buy off the registry, and I would for all future events. Or give cash.

The way I figure it, they''ll have enough guests thinking they know the couples'' tastes better than the couple themselves do and I don''t want to add to their stressful pile of returns that they''ll have to lie about "losing" or "breaking" in a move at future events. :LOL:

Anyway, it''s practically the only time in your life you get to tell people what to get you, and I for one intend to take advantage of that. Having said that, I''m willing to bet that 90% of my guests will want to give me something "better" or "personal". Like a quilt. I''m sure I''ll end up with at least one homemade quilt. Which would be great, if I LIKED quilts.
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I''m sticking to the registry. I just try to buy something *I* would like to receive, off their list. It makes it a little less boring for me. Or I try to buy all the little stuff that no one else will bother with because, hey, who wants to buy measuring spoons??...and then package them cutely as one big gift. Create kinda a theme gift or something. :)
 

Blue824

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A lot of times I look at people''s registries and I''m like why in the world would they register for that?! I''m sure someone will say that about mine when I register though. For the shower I usually buy off the registry (and add something *fun* for someone I''m close to), but for the wedding don''t always want to give money, but want to give somethign more special. The most recent wedding I went to they really had no clue what they were registering for and I went through and noticed they had 4 toasters, something like 50 wine glasses (they hate wine, btw), 3 competely different sets of every day dinnerware, 17 measuring cups...I have the list somewhere and it was pretty funny, but I was like, hello? Isn''t the point to NOT get duplicates?! Anyway...I wanted to give them something special, that they wouldn''t buy themselves for their wedding and I went and picked out a beautiful pair of crystal candlesticks & some pretty candles. My mom''s big thing to get is a crystal or sterling picture frame 8x10 for a wedding photo. I think it depends on how well you know the couple''s style and what they register for. But you have to figure, if they chose it, they want it...and if they made a mistake in what they registered for, that''s sort of their fault.
 

goldengirl

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Date: 2/14/2005 8:27:29 PM
Author: Blue824
But you have to figure, if they chose it, they want it...and if they made a mistake in what they registered for, that''s sort of their fault.

Or perhaps they just intend on returning it all anyway and so just ran through the store with the scanner....
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MelissaSue

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i always buy off the registry for showers... for the wedding i normally give cash.. with a few exceptions.

But I''ll tell you this. FI and I do NOT have our own place yet.. and we won''t until just before our wedding.. so I would MUCH rather get things from my registry than some random stuff. We will NEED a LOT of things.
Also.. if you buy stuff not on the registry, you risk giving duplicate gifts.. which I HATE giving!
 

njc

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If i know the couple, I often use the registry as a guideline and try to find something unique that maybe the store they went to didnt have. Example: My good friend that just got married was registered for items with a grape theme for her kitchen. I found some very cool things that she didnt have on her registry that she loves. But i also ***ALWAYS*** include a gift reciept... i know there is a risk buying something that isnt on the registry (they hate, duplicate, etc). Its almost like a gift certificate.

Another thing i have run into is when there isnt a store they registered at close by. A friend that lived out of state only registered at Macys. At the time, the closest one to me was a couple hours away and i didnt have time to make a trip JUST for their present... and im a very hands on shopper. I want to pick it up and make sure its a quality peice that will last.
 

eks6426

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This is a little off topic, but related....Do people expect 2nd time bride & grooms to register? I feel really weird about receiving any presents from people who gave me things the first time. And realistically my fiance and I are going to have enough storage issues merging 2 fully complete households without having yet more vases or roasting pans. If I were told to register I''d want to register for "experiences"--airlines tickets, hotel stays, concert tickets, spa stuff etc.
 

NoonersMom

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Good questions and observations! If one in the couple is a close firend, I usually try to pick something nice off the registry. One example is that a good friend registered at a few different places, I picked out a full setting of their formal china. It would of been cheaper to go for four china bowls, but I wanted something that they would remember. Another friend fell in love with one of our paintings (both my bf & I paint as a hobby), we painted them something similar for them. I guess it all depends on how well you know them, their taste, their needs & life circumstances.

I like the idea that someone else suggested....gift for shower, $ for wedding. Especially in circumstances where they just purchased a house or are trying to purchase.

Ilsand...a friend had a similar situation. Only the wedding she was attending, it was her friend''s first wedding and the bride''s 3rd (mind you, the bride just turned 30)! In their instance I believe they skipped the bridal shower & had a small ceremony in their backyard.
 

kanne

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I agree with you Noonersmom..registries are great, but maybe they are best for first weddings only... We give gifts from the registry or cash.

We''ve decided to register at Macys, Crate and Barrel and possibly Pottery Barn to avoid winding up with 30 nambe dishes/tray thingys, 22 crystal vases and 10 toasters (and a partridge in a pear tree). Although nambe thingys do make good re-gifts.
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rms

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Hi everybody. This is an interesting thread. I used to hate the thought of registries and gift certificates, but nowadays I go with one of those depending on how well I know the couple. But I love picture frames and albums as good gifts too.

I totally struggled with what to do for our wedding. We just got married in November. We are old enough that we have duplicate and triplicate of ALMOST EVERYTHING. But we did need a few things, and people constantly asked if we had a registry. Sooooo my husband kept bugging me and I finally did make a small registry at a popular home store. But I did it through a particular website so that part of the monies would be donated to charity. On top of that, we made a donation registry at the same website where they allow you to note down charities of your choice and guests can donate to those charities in honor of the bride and groom as their gift. At first my husband was not keen on the idea, but I read about it in several places and thought it would be nice to do both somehow.

We picked 2 charities in honor of family members both living and deceased. Also, in addition to party favors (or you can do it in lieu of party favors), we made a small donation in honor of our guests. In the end, it was about 50/50. Half the people gave us standard gifts, money, or gift cards/certificates. The other half made donations to our charities. Both my husband and I felt pretty good about it in the end and we got a lot of nice feedback. People were so generous! AND, we were asked if they can interview us for the local bride and groom magazine. Although, I don''t think our story is any big feat of philanthropy (I read a few stories where all gifts were donations to charity), the thought of being interviewed is kind of fun.

I read one story where the nephew of a couple almost died before their wedding of bone marrow cancer. But thankfully they found a marrow donor and he made it through. So as a part of their rehearsal dinner, they asked every one of their guests to have their finger pricked to have their info put in the national bone marrow registry. That was pretty inspirational to me.
 

NoonersMom

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Wow RMS, I love what you did & how mindful you are. I can see why they wanted to interview you & dh. I''ve heard of donations at funerals in lieu of flowers, but never at weddings in lieu of gifts! That speaks volumes about you!
 

aeli

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I would almost always buy off the registry or give cash. I''ve almost never received a gift I truly loved that I didn''t pick out myself.

I did veer from the registry once for a bridal shower gift last year when I was a bridesmaid. My friend was feeling down about her "wedding experience" (very difficult MOH, a huge war going on between her divorced parents, trying to plan a destination wedding, etc.), so I decided to put together a scrapbook dedicated to the bride with pages designed by friends and family members from all over the country.
 

JCJD

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Buy off the registry unless you know them VERY well. FI was looking for a gift for his good friend and bride, and noticed that they hadn''t registered for a knife set and didn''t have one between the two of them. They LOVED it and were really thankful that he''d thought to give them that.

If I can''t find anything off of a couple''s registry that I want to buy for them, I just get a gift card to their store. A little impersonal, but they can always use that to complete their registry.
 

Blue824

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I think part of the frustration in picking out gifts comes from where people register. I mean, before, in my experience, everyone registered at department stores or crate & barrel, at least. And there you could go and at least buy them their sets of glasses and pick them out and their dishes and at least feel like you're not buying them something prepackaged or cheaper, you want something substantial to feel like you're helping them out. Lately I've had a bunch with their main registry as Target, it's not the same feel. Don't get me wrong, I love Target, but I wouldn't choose it as my primary registry. I mean, I gues it just goes with your lifestyle, but I know my friends wedding a lot of people complained about where she registered. The last 2 weddings I've been to havent registered for any china or crystal, so there's not even the option of putting together a place setting of china and really forces people to look outside the registry. Maybe that's just me, but that's what pushes me to shop off the registry...

MS, if I knew a couple who was just starting off in their own place, I'd totally go on the registry and pick up all the useful things. Everyone knows that all that starting out stuff totally adds up! I think people will bear that in mind when they're shopping for you. Also make sure your bridal party and your parents understand that so they can spread the word.

Random, but the reason I've alwys gone off the registry if they don't have an extensive registry is that I'm never sure how much cash to give...I don't want to be cheap and I don't want to go broke. What's a good guideline to go by?
 

blue_chica

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Blue824 - The guideline I was told is give at least as much as they spent on you, $75 is usually good. I never give cash though, so I''m not sure how accurate that is.
 

Blue824

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Yeah, that was the guideline I was told too...except, this past wedding I went to spent $25/person...so I wouldn''t really give $25. I''ll remember $75 though. Thanks
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Hopefully I won''t have any coming up for a while though, most of my friends aren''t even in relationships.
 

blueroses

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I almost always go off the registry--just easier for us (esp. if you buy online)-and them (so they can return it.) I''ll try to personalize stuff too--e.g. if I''m giving a bunch of cooking tools from their crate and barrel registry, I will include 4 or 5 of my favorite recipies to go with so at least it isn''t a totally impersonal gift.

One notable exception which is TOTALLY unorthodox: BF and I bought an extra set of U2 tickets and will be taking my friend and her hubby whose wedding I was in in October. (BF and I very much take advantage of the 1-year rule and are late with this wedding gift....and at this point pretty much everything on the registry is gone)....and they were going to buy the tix from us anyway, so we''re just going to wrap them in a wedding card and take them for free as our gift--it''s just a bit more than what we usually pay per wedding gift, so I think it will be ok. Again, TOTALLY unorthodox--we are usually really traditional with this stuff, but since I was IN this wedding, there have already been so many shower and wedding-week gifts--not to mention flying across country twice for events--so we feel ok about it. Plus, she''s one of my best friends--I''d never do this with someone not close to us.
 

rms

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Something funny I heard today...we were talking about registries, and someone mentioned a story of couple who set up their wedding registry at Chase Manhattan Bank. They established a bank account, and gave all their guests the account number, asking them to make a gift deposit there. For people who really would like cash as a gift (and many do)...why not? Stranger things have happened
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strmrdr

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I always give cash in a nice card.
I wish there was a nice way of saying cash no gifts when I get married. lol
We will probably do a registry for a few items because it does make some people more comfortable but Im going to try and make sure that there are a lot of low costs items on the list.

I actualy over heard someone tell a bride to be to only put stuff over $50 on the registry so her cheap relatives would spend some money on them.
I am very much against trying to force people to spend a lot of money by only putting expensive items on it.
Frankly if I had to force someone to spend money on me Id rather not have it.
 

Shay

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strmrdr my bf''s sister had a lovely way of asking for cash. It was attached to the bottom of the map to the venue in the invitation envelope, a little poem that went something like this:

While giving a gift is really sweet
Our home together is already complete
If you want to make a gesture maybe
please donate some money for the coming baby.

ok so it''s not shakespeare but the point is you can write your own. This was cute though as the pregnancy was a big surprise (it''s due date turned out to be on the planned wedding date)
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akw94

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I know this thread is old but what the heck...
For one of my closest friends, I did a little of both. I picked some items off the registry that were fairly inexpensive. Then, b/c I know they''d never buy themselves crystal, bought a crystal vase. I also made a power point presentation of the bride and groom growing up and showed it at the pre-wedding dinner.
But for someone not so close, i''d go w/the registry. I try to get things that I like but they know what they need/want better than I.
I wondered about registries though b/c I have pretty much everything I need that''s for the household. China, crystal, utensils, appliances, etc... So what does one register for? I read somewhere that there''s a website where you can plan your honeymoon and people can buy you activities during your honeymoon or the plane tix or whatever. I thought that was a really neat idea but what do others think?
Any other non-traditional gift giving ideas?
 
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