RE: Envelope addressing

[meresal]

I have put this off long enough. I HAVE to send out invites in the next 3 weeks!!

I was searching google and came across a PS thread from a year ago, asking about proper etiquette RE: Outer and Inner envelope addressing.
Here is the link: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/help-addressing-the-inner-envelope.80252/

My main question is with children and with SO's who are not married, and are not living together.

Children:
I read only to write the parents on the outer envelope and to add specific children's names on the inner. Is this correct?

EX.
Outer:
Mr. and Mrs John Doe

Inner:
Mr and Mrs. Doe
Master Rob Doe (under 12) or Mr. Rob Doe (over 13)

(and just for questions sake, how do you address more than one son, Misters?)
Then the SO's:
We have opted to put the dates name on the inner envelope of the "primary" friends invite. The only name on the outer envelope is the primary friend, EVEN if they are living together. FI's Usher was living with his GF of 6 years, and yes, they broke up. We had both of their names on the outer envelope of the STD, and now have no clue what to do. Technically they were both invited.
Also, for the serious ones that don't live together, if we sent a whole other invite to the SO of primary friend and they broke up, we wouldn't the SO showing up at the weddding and making primary friend uncomfortable, since technically the ex could come to the wedding because they got their own invite.
Has anyone else thought about this? I know, I know, I'm overanalyzing... but it's just things I try to avoid.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think if they live together and you are inviting both of them, then you should put both of their names on the outer envelope as well. Personally, if I lived with a man for so long and we received a wedding invitation just addressed to one of us, I would take this to mean that the bride thinks there is a chance we will break up before the wedding (which is exactly what you are thinking!). I would feel slightly insulted.

I think it would be much better to "risk" their breakup and trust that your friends would do the sensible thing if they broke up than risk insulting a dear friend by implying that their relationship is not going to last.


That just goes for couples living together though. If they don't live together, I see no problem with sending your primary friend an invitation with an "and guest" since that's the appropriate thing to do.

 

[sunnyd]

RE the children thing...it sounds right. I have no formal knowledge on the subject however. You could also put Doe Family on the outer.

For more than one Mr, I''d seperate by comma for more than 2 or and for 2.
Mr. Rob Doe, Mr. Bob Doe and Mr. Todd Doe.
Mr. Rob Doe and Mr. Bob Doe.

 

[lliang_chi]

For multiple Mr. you'd use the title Messrs.

Messrs. Jonhson & Franks (different last names)

This one I'm not sure of: Messrs. Joe Johnson & Daniel Johnson (two sons with same last name)

 

[kama_s]

I dont know about the children, since we aren''t inviting any. For the SO, etiquette suggests that both names should go on the outer envelope. This is what we did:

For couples living together not married or haven''t taken the husband''s name:

Mr. Angela Doe
Mr. Angelo Toe

Technically, the order should be according to alphabet i.e., D comes before T so Angela would be before Angelo. However, I have a personal issue with this, I prefer the girl''s name be first always and that''s what I followed.

For couple not living together, same andressing as above, but the invitation is sent to the friend you are closer to. So if Mr. Toe is your good friend and you know Ms. Doe through Mr. Toe only, then the invitiation goes to Mr. Toe but with Ms. Doe''s name on the outer envelope as well.

HTH

 

[Octavia]

Date: 4/21/2009 6:53:51 PM
Author: kama_s
I dont know about the children, since we aren't inviting any. For the SO, etiquette suggests that both names should go on the outer envelope. This is what we did:


For couples living together not married or haven't taken the husband's name:


Mr. Angela Doe

Mr. Angelo Toe


Technically, the order should be according to alphabet i.e., D comes before T so Angela would be before Angelo. However, I have a personal issue with this, I prefer the girl's name be first always and that's what I followed.

Kama, that's correct for unmarried couples living together, but if they are married they should go on one line, separated by the word "and" -- that designates marriage, even if they don't share a last name. Married couple should always be on the same line of the address, unmarried on separate lines. There are also two schools of thought on who goes first, as kama said. Some prefer the female to always go first and some prefer alphabetical. I don't know which of those is technically correct, but I think it's a relatively minor rule anyway. I usually put the names in whichever order they flow better.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 4/21/2009 7:00:13 PM
Author: Octavia


Kama, that''s correct for unmarried couples living together, but if they are married they should go on one line, separated by the word ''and'' -- that designates marriage, even if they don''t share a last name. Married couple should always be on the same line of the address, unmarried on separate lines. There are also two schools of thought on who goes first, as kama said. Some prefer the female to always go first and some prefer alphabetical. I don''t know which of those is technically correct, but I think it''s a relatively minor rule anyway. I usually put the names in whichever order they flow better.

Indeed, you are absolutely correct. I totally forgot to mention that. If the couple is married but do not share the same last name then it would be:

Mr. Angelo Toe and Mrs. Angela Doe

Yeah, I think from what I''ve read, the alphabetical thing is supposed to be more correct. But I have a strong preference for female going first, so I just stick with that always. I guess whatever Mer feels comfortable with!

 

[Haven]

Great advice thus far.

I''d just add: If a couple is not living together, send two separate invitations, one to each individual in their own home. If that means you have to call a close friend and get her SO''s address, so be it. You should not address an invitation to someone and send it to another''s residence.

Fun anecdote: Our nephew loved being addressed as "Master" so much that he introduced himself as "Master Aaron O****" at the wedding to my relatives at the wedding.

 

[meresal]

Thanks for the input ladies. lliang, Messrs is exactly what I couldn''t think of, thanks!!

Date: 4/21/2009 9:22:35 PM
Author: Haven
Great advice thus far.

I''d just add: If a couple is not living together, send two separate invitations, one to each individual in their own home. If that means you have to call a close friend and get her SO''s address, so be it. You should not address an invitation to someone and send it to another''s residence.

Fun anecdote: Our nephew loved being addressed as ''Master'' so much that he introduced himself as ''Master Aaron O****'' at the wedding to my relatives at the wedding.

Haven, I''m just having a hard time with this. What would you do if the broke up? Technically you have now invited each of the parties separately. One of FI''s groomsmen, and a few of my BM''s have SO''s and don''t live together, but if they were to break up, I don''t want their ex-SO at my wedding.
That is why I was planning on addressing the outer envelope to the primary friend, and then instead of putting "and guest" on the inner envelope, we will put the SO''s name so there is still a personal aspect.

Is this a huge no-no? (This has happened with our STD''s, so I''m just planning for the worst.)

I love using Master... it''s one of my favorite things about baby showers!!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 4/21/2009 11:08:31 PM
Author: meresal
Thanks for the input ladies. lliang, Messrs is exactly what I couldn''t think of, thanks!!

Date: 4/21/2009 9:22:35 PM

Author: Haven

Great advice thus far.


I''d just add: If a couple is not living together, send two separate invitations, one to each individual in their own home. If that means you have to call a close friend and get her SO''s address, so be it. You should not address an invitation to someone and send it to another''s residence.


Fun anecdote: Our nephew loved being addressed as ''Master'' so much that he introduced himself as ''Master Aaron O****'' at the wedding to my relatives at the wedding.

Haven, I''m just having a hard time with this. What would you do if the broke up? Technically you have now invited each of the parties separately. One of FI''s groomsmen, and a few of my BM''s have SO''s and don''t live together, but if they were to break up, I don''t want their ex-SO at my wedding.

That is why I was planning on addressing the outer envelope to the primary friend, and then instead of putting ''and guest'' on the inner envelope, we will put the SO''s name so there is still a personal aspect.


Is this a huge no-no? (This has happened with our STD''s, so I''m just planning for the worst.)


I love using Master... it''s one of my favorite things about baby showers!!

Meresal, the proper thing is to either send them both their own invitation or only send your primary friend an invitation with "and guest"

That being said, I appreciated people putting my name on my fiance''s inner envelopes, manners be hanged. The outside said Mr. Guilty Pleasure, but the inside said "John and Jane". I know it was incorrect, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

If you would not invite the significant other and are seriously worried about the possibilty of them breaking up but coming to the wedding (who would do that?), then my vote is to not send them their own invitaiton, send the primary friend an "and guest" and then write a little note or email saying that you are excited to see friend and girlfriend at the wedding.

I still believe 100% that you should address the envelope to both people for a couple living together, unless there is some really weird circumstance.

 

[Haven]

Mere--I prefer Guilty Pleasure''s suggestion to address the invite to your close friend only, and to then either put his SO''s name on the inner envelope, or include a short, handwritten note. I much prefer those options over the "and guest" option.

We sent out separate invites, but I never thought about the SO attending the wedding even if they broke up! I could see that getting sticky!