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Quitting Smoking Support Thread

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Lorelei

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This thread is here for anyone who would like some help and support with quitting smoking!
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It is open to anyone who wants to quit smoking, or would like to find out more about what it is like to quit successfully. Even if you are not quite ready to let go of smoking altogether, then please also feel free to participate as and when you wish with no pressure involved.
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After all, all positive changes start with a single step!

I have quit smoking now for almost 2 years, after many years of trying and failing. I used many different excuses to not quit, or to start again once I had stopped smoking for a short period of time. Until the time came when I was finally ready to make a big change, and once I had made the decision that cigarettes were part of my past, and had no place in my future, I was able to be successful. One of the things that really helped me to quit once and for all, was the support I received from other ex smokers and others in the weekly workout thread, it was so reassuring to have their support and encouragement, and to know that the cravings and withdrawal symptoms would pass in time. I found this support along with my chosen method of NRT ( nicotine replacement therapy) invaluable, and it kept me going through the hard times.

I won't pretend it was easy. It wasn't, but equally, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I believe that sometimes it can take time to create a real and lasting change, and as with anything else, practise. I began to think of my previous ' failed' attempts at quitting smoking, as useful experience that I could use to help me in the future. This approach really helped me, when the going got a bit tough, I could think back to how I lapsed back into smoking again, and use my past experiences to help me avoid doing so this time.

At the same time, my Husband quit smoking, we did it together which helped. This too was the best thing we could have done, as before if one decided to quit and not the other, then it was too easy to think " oh one won't hurt.." if cigarettes were around, and lo and behold we were back to smoking full time again!

So what really made the difference on this occasion? Well....I think it was a combination of things. I was tired of smoking, and finding places to smoke while out in public was getting more and more difficult. I began to want to look after my health more, I had lost some weight and had begun to work out, so it just made sense to try to break free of smoking too. I was thinking of all the money we could save by not smoking, how much better we could feel in ourselves.

One of my concerns was gaining weight if I quit, but as I was careful to watch what I was eating and continued to work out, that fear was unfounded - I am delighted to report! For me, it wasn't inevitable that weight gain would follow once I stopped smoking. Now almost two years later, I am trimmer than when I quit the cigarettes and much much fitter!

It took me a long time to finally get around to quitting for life, but I conquered my nicotine addiction in the end. I think part of the reason I took a while to quit, was that somehow I had convinced myself that I couldn't live without cigarettes, which of course was not true. For me, preparation, a positive attitude, my doctor's encouragement and advice, especially concerning appropriate NRT, determination, and the support from my family and friends here who had been through it, were key to my success.

So today, I rarely think about cigarettes or smoking, for the most part, cravings are now thankfully a thing of the past. I CAN live without cigarettes quite easily, and I have promised myself that I will never ever take another puff. I well know I cannot afford to do this ever and I won't. It seems a very small price to pay for all the good things quitting smoking has brought into my life!

Soon, I will write more about my experience of quitting, what I did, how I coped, and anything else I can think of that might be useful for those who want to quit also.

So for the other PSers who have quit such as Rod, Kim, Monarch, who so helped me when I was going through it, please when you have time, chime in with your experiences so we can make a useful resource for those who might want to take the same path!

Please feel free to join in, anyone who has quit, wants to quit, or is considering it perhaps in the future, you are all welcome!
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Linda W

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Lorelei,

How about a quit eating thread LOL. I have been hungry allllll week. I just want to eat non stop.
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Even though I have never smoked, this is a great thread for anyone, who wants to quit.

You are the best Lorelei
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Linda
 

Pandora II

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Oh dear, I belong on this one...

I gave up for 4 years and then started again last year
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I gave up for 4 days - while I was at home with my parents to see the venue witch. I got off the train in London on the Sunday evening and first thing I did was buy a packet.

I''m currently on about 6 or 7 a day.

I really want to give up before my wedding - 26th July.

I just get that horrible panic feeling everytime I think of having the ''last'' one ever... even writing about it has my pulse racing
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Last time giving up was easy - a month in a hospital bed with pleurisy and large amounts of morphine!
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Rod

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Like Lorelei, I quit over 2.5 years ago. Honestly, it was extremely difficult. I had quit so many times and failed so many times. I tried patches, lotions, potions and lozenges. They only prolong the nicotine addiction and once you stop with them, the cravings are still persistent.

So, why was I successful this time? Well for one thing, I was always embarrased that I was an intelligent person and knew the health risks, yet I still lit up over and over again. And I was overweight and had never worked out before (except I did like to inline skate - only I could only go about a mile and needed to rest because I would get out of breath). And then I turned 50 and we went away to a nice beach resort and stayed in a beautiful condo on the third floor and I was completely out of breath by the time I climbed 3 sets of stairs. Pathetic. Really. And that's when I realized I had to do something. So, we came home and I joined a gym and I smoked my last cigarette and I walked around in a fog for about a month and I cried, and I got angry, but I didn't use any aids of any kind.

Now, unlike Lorelei, I still crave them. I just know I can't have one. It's like they say about Lays Potato Chips. You can't have just one. So, I will just miss them, but reaize that I am so much healthier now at 53, than I was when I was 30.

For me, the gym transformed my life. If you've ever read my posts on the WWT, I'm pretty maniacal about working out. My partner (he never smoked and hated that I did) began our journey towards healthier bodies at the same time. I think having a partner who was willing to work out with me and help me was one reason I was successful. And work out we did, do and will continue to do. I dropped anywhere from 60 - 70 pounds and built muscle where none had existed before. I concentrated on building a strong heart and lungs that could keep up with intense workouts and the end result is simply amazing. But the journey's not over, nor for me, will it ever be over.

And having the WWT has been a tremndous benefit too. Lorelei and I used to help each other by congratulating each other on yet another month smoke free!! I use the WWT as a daily confessional of sorts and it keeps me honest and on my toes. I know I could relapse. And lord knows with the stress we've had in our lives the last several months, it would be so easy to fall off the wagon. But I refuse to let that happen.

So, I'm not sure if anything I've written wll help anyone. I do know that if you smoke and you want to quit, you won't quit uless you are truy ready to quit. It won't work if other's want you to quit. YOU have to want to quit. Just know that quitting is likely different for everyone. Lorelei doesn't think about them much. I still crave them. What we have in common though is a resolve to live healthy lives and hopefully longer lives, with less illness in our olden-golden years. And if you quit and fall off the wagon. Don't be hard on yourself. It took me more times than I can likely count to finally quit and that's OK.

If I were going to quit today, I would likely get my doctor to prescribe a new anti-smoking drug called Chantix. It seems to help a lot of people because it's not a nicotine replacement drug. It's a nicotine blocking drug and people who have taken the drug seem to simply no longer crave nicotine at all. Otherwise, if you go cold turkey, let everyone around you know you might have some really "interesting" mood swings!!
 

Pandora II

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For me nicotine withdrawal is not a problem - it''s the actual smoking hand mouth thing that is a trigger for me.

Sadly gym or any such thing is out completely. I am banned from any real form of serious exercise by my surgeon and physio as my spine isn''t up to it. My BMI is 19, so I''m about as low weight as I can go for my height (5'' 10").

Apart from the 4 years I gave up, I had smoked for the previous 15 years. When I gave up the last time I had a 40 a day habit and I''d tried to give up so many times I''d lost count.

So being on 6 a day is a lot less to have to give up! I don''t smoke inside at all - I have to go out to have a cigarette and smoking is banned just about everywhere in London so there should be less temptations than there used to be.
 

Lorelei

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Linda thanks!

Rod, thank you so much for your post, I know it will help others and I would like to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to you, as you were definitely a major part of the reason for my success, with your unfailing support and encouragement!
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Thank you my friend!
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Pandora, I do know how it feels, that the panic of never being able to smoke again can cause, I think many of us have been there. I know I used cigarettes as a crutch for everything, whether I was happy, sad, anxious etc. But you can get past it and even if you are not ready to take the step of completely quitting again yet, feel free to post as you wish!

I would like this thread to be a place where smokers who would like to quit but are not ready to also, can find support and help, so that when they are ready to quit, they will have some tools and encouragement to use. I well understand that it can take many attempts to actually quit successfully, the main thing is to keep trying!

So smokers, please feel free to join in as you wish
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Lorelei

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Date: 5/10/2008 6:33:12 AM
Author: Pandora II
For me nicotine withdrawal is not a problem - it's the actual smoking hand mouth thing that is a trigger for me.

Sadly gym or any such thing is out completely. I am banned from any real form of serious exercise by my surgeon and physio as my spine isn't up to it. My BMI is 19, so I'm about as low weight as I can go for my height (5' 10').

Apart from the 4 years I gave up, I had smoked for the previous 15 years. When I gave up the last time I had a 40 a day habit and I'd tried to give up so many times I'd lost count.

So being on 6 a day is a lot less to have to give up! I don't smoke inside at all - I have to go out to have a cigarette and smoking is banned just about everywhere in London so there should be less temptations than there used to be.
I know, the addiction to cigarettes can manifest in different ways! Also I quite agree, it is inconvenient now to find places where you can smoke, so that I think helped me once the smoking ban kicked in here!

Pan, do you think maybe cutting down gradually might be an option for you, so that you get used to managing on less, then in time stopping altogether? I know some say that cutting down isn't the best way, but personally I believe that one size doesn't fit all so to speak, and that maybe this method could be worth considering so you can gain confidence. In time, maybe you will feel you can manage without that last daily cigarette when you have reached that stage?
 

miraclesrule

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FWIT, I really had the hand/mouth thing as an issue when I wanted to quit. It is also an agressive outlet for me to blow hard, so I would often smoke as a "time out" when I was stressed.

Now, I try to blow bubbles instead. I use the long white cylinder tubes that Party City carries for weddings. Mentally, it''s nearly the same length as a cigarette, it''s white like a cigarette and you can inhale and exhale out the most awesome bubbles. They really are the best bubbles, ever!!

There is nothing like the look on someone''s face when they think they have gotten under my skin by trying to bait me...than the one they get as they watch me blowing bubbles at my desk when they walk by.

Give it a whirl...
 

monarch64

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It was a year for me this past February...a few months before I quit, I just remember feeling awful about the whole stigma of being a smoker. A lot of people close to me didn''t even know I smoked, and usually when people found out they would be amazed and not in a good way. I hated that, and I hated just feeling ashamed of myself because I knew I was an intelligent and strong willed person who''d let an addiction get in the way of feeling good about myself! I really just focused my energy on thinking about how much I hated being a smoker and the secretiveness of my habit, and hating it so much helped me quit. I used the nicotine gum for about a week and then just stayed out of situations I knew would tempt me for a few months. The hardest thing for me has been that DH still smokes, but I had to stop using that as an excuse also. I still have cravings, of course, and there have been a few slip-ups along the way, but for the most part I can call myself an ex-smoker.

I think one of the biggest struggles people have with quitting is that they are not forgiving of themselves when they do have a slip-up. I don''t know how many times I tried to quit in the past, and each time I had just one cigarette I thought "oh, I''ve fallen off the wagon, I guess I''ll never be able to quit." I had to lose that attitude and realize that just because I made one mistake it didn''t mean I didn''t want to quit or that I had not quit, it was simply a mistake. As soon as I gave myself permission to make mistakes, in some strange way, it was easier for me not to make them!
 

Lorelei

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MiraclesRule, thanks so much for your input and advice!

Monnie, thank you so much for taking the time to post your experiences, I know it will be helpful to many!
 

Shay37

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I quit last January 4th. I am still smoke free. I would like to say it is because I''m this great strong-willed individual. Most of that could be crap! It is in great part due to the support I found right here at PS. My DH was good, but he was not a smoker and he could not understand it at all. Lorelei gave me some really great what''s coming next in the withdrawal syndrome advice. Lorelei, you were God sent.
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That really was a tremendous help. Ellen and Alj and Monnie as well as others such as Kaleigh and Belle and Deb tuned in to just give a you can do it (Skippy too) to me.

The main thing that helps me the most is knowing that I NEVER want to go through withdrawing from nicotine again!!! It was the foggiest month of my life. I could not even type without all sorts of errors. I felt like I was swinging from coma girl to here she is SUPERB!TCH! It was awful. The people here at PS gave me such an anchor. They were not the least bit judgmental. They just wanted to help. Now it''s my turn.

I did it with the gum. About four months of gum and I was done with the gum too. It is hard. Sometimes I miss my old friend the ciggies. Mostly I miss the ease of avoiding my problems. Now I have to deal with them in the moment. Before I could step outside for a destress moment (all right it was an excuse to escape). I can''t do that anymore. I have to find ways to deal with frustration in a way that does not cause that old nicotine need to flare up. Coffee drinking was tough at first, but I refused to give it up, and I am okay now with it. On the bright side, my skin looks great. On the down side, I have packed on 20 pounds. This is not fun. Oh, well. If ciggies didn''t beat me, neither will an extra 20 pounds. My DH and I are riding bikes together, and it feels so good. It''s also a good bonding thing with us. LOVE THAT!!!!!

I will say that, even though I have cravings, the smell of cigarette smoke makes me nauseous. Hilarious; right? I just can''t walk by someone who is smoking without getting a little green. I hope that never goes away. HTH

shay
 

Skippy123

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Date: 5/15/2008 9:40:55 PM
Author: Shay37
I quit last January 4th. I am still smoke free. I would like to say it is because I'm this great strong-willed individual. Most of that could be crap! It is in great part due to the support I found right here at PS. My DH was good, but he was not a smoker and he could not understand it at all. Lorelei gave me some really great what's coming next in the withdrawal syndrome advice. Lorelei, you were God sent.
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That really was a tremendous help. Ellen and Alj and Monnie as well as others such as Kaleigh and Belle and Deb tuned in to just give a you can do it (Skippy too) to me.

shay
Good for you Shay!!! You rock; my hubby is smoke free for 3 years now and he is proud of himself. It is hard; I have seen him struggle but this is the longest he has been w/out ciggarettes and he is so glad his health has improved from it too. Whooo hooo Shay
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monarch64

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Shay, you''re awesome, so is everyone else on this thread who has overcome smoking, and of course so is anyone who is trying to quit or thinking of trying to quit!!! Shay, I wanted to tell you I used to work with a guy who''d been a smoker for 30 years, and he had been chewing the nicotine gum for TWO YEARS. We kind of used to give him crap about it, but like he said, it was better than smoking! So four months of gum, my friend, not a big deal, hee hee.
 

Lorelei

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Shay!!!
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I was hoping you would find this thread, I am so glad to have helped, and I AM SO PROUD of you also!
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It feels good to be smoke free doesn't it? I used the nicotine gum too, and I have to confess I am now a chronic plain gum chewer, but it beats smoking. It seems I have to have a substitute, and chewing gum seems to help, but I really need to wean myself off it now!

I must say, if I smell cigarette smoke, I tend to wrinkle my nose as it smells horrid. In the early days I would inhale someone else's smoke like it was an elixir, but not so much now! I will always love the smell of cigars, but I never smoked 'em.
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Shay37

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Skippy, Monnie, and Lorelei,
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my girls!!!!! Skippy, that is so great about your DH. I think the hardest thing is really making the decision. Monnie and Lorelei can back me up on this.

To everyone who wants to quit, I think that the HARDEST THING is making the decision to NEVER smoke again. Once you have decided that, there is no cheating because you cheat on you. You may slip, but how can you hide from yourself. If it is for you, you can and will succeed. Just keep trying.

Monnie, I really do keep extra nicotine gum on hand way up high in a cabinet in my house for that just in case moment. You know the one. It''s the one all smokers fear will send them back to smoking. I figure that as long as I have it here I can chew it rather than going to get a cigarette. I have not needed it, but you never know.

Lorelei, I love the smell of a pipe. For the record, I never smoked one of those either.

shay
 

Linda W

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Shay,

We are so PROUD of you. I know how hard it is to do. My husband quit smoking 23 years ago. It was really hard for him to do also, but he did it. He still misses it every so often, but so glad he did quit.

I imagine things will taste better for you too, that was the first thing he noticed was "hey food tastes better now".

It is a hard decision to do, but YOU DID IT!!!! The weight will come off, don''t you worry about that.

Love, Linda
 

Lorelei

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Date: 5/16/2008 9:08:48 PM
Author: Shay37
Skippy, Monnie, and Lorelei,
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my girls!!!!! Skippy, that is so great about your DH. I think the hardest thing is really making the decision. Monnie and Lorelei can back me up on this.

To everyone who wants to quit, I think that the HARDEST THING is making the decision to NEVER smoke again. Once you have decided that, there is no cheating because you cheat on you. You may slip, but how can you hide from yourself. If it is for you, you can and will succeed. Just keep trying.

Monnie, I really do keep extra nicotine gum on hand way up high in a cabinet in my house for that just in case moment. You know the one. It''s the one all smokers fear will send them back to smoking. I figure that as long as I have it here I can chew it rather than going to get a cigarette. I have not needed it, but you never know.

Lorelei, I love the smell of a pipe. For the record, I never smoked one of those either.

shay
And there we have it in a nutshell. That is so true Shay, for me, I know I always had a '' get out'' clause, which meant all the time at the back of my mind, I knew I would go back to smoking. I wasn''t ready before. I guess I was totally ready to face it this time. Also I went through one of my very worst fears, the death of my beloved horse. I was so distraught, for a long time really, but I knew that having a cigarette wouldn''t bring him back, so as I was able to get through that smoke free, I was able to finally KNOW I was done with smoking forever.
 

AStack75

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I quit this New Year''s Day and have been using the nicotine gum since then. So this 4+ months is the longest I''ve been without a cigarette since I started at age 17 (I''m 33 now). The thing that helped me the most was actually NOT telling people, other than my girlfriend, that I actually quit smoking. I''ve found that when people constantly are asking me about how the not smoking is going and their praising of me for not smoking, only made me want to smoke more.
 

Heidi137

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I've never been a smoker but I just have to say congratulations to all who have been able to quit. My mother wasn't able to quit until it was too late...she died of lung cancer five years ago. Actually, the primary lung tumor was removed but despite brain surgery to remove the largest two brain tumors and radiation to treat the rest, metastatic lung cancer killed her. Her brother also died of lung cancer- a couple of years later. My husband (who has asthma and can't be around cigarettes) has lost two close relatives to emphysema in the last year or so. So...the fact that our daughter has picked up the smoking habit (her boyfriend has been smoking since the age of 14) is beyond sad to us. I would give absolutely anything to see her quit. She has to want to and since her boyfriend and all his family and all their friends smoke, I'm not too optimistic. It's so hard to listen to her cough all night and smell the stench of cigarettes on her when she comes home. Of course, she tells us that she's not smoking...I've heard it's about a pack a day.
 

Lorelei

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Astack, MANY congratulations on quitting smoking!!!
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I know it is hard, but so worthwhile! I kept it quiet this time that I was quitting, it was almost like some so called ' friends' wanted to see me fail. I would get rolled eyes and unkind remarks like " heard it all before, she will never do it" etc, unnecessary and so unhelpful
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So I really didn't say much at all, found my support here on PS and proved all my doubters wrong.
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How are you doing with it now Astack, are you adjusting without too much difficulty to being smoke free? If it is still a bit challenging, then we are here to support you if you need it!

Hi Heidi!

I know it must be so difficult knowing your daughter is smoking. Hopefully soon she will reach the stage where she is ready to quit and do so. I am sure she will, and come to the realization that she would be better off without cigarettes in her life! It can take a while to take the leap to commiting to life without cigarettes ever, but if I can do it, anyone can - there is hope!
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If we can help in anyway, just let us know!
 

brazen_irish_hussy

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He was something that really helps my FI''s aunt. Smoking helps your body absorb sugar better so when you stop smoking, you get blood sugar drops in addition to nicotine withdrawl. She found always having fruit juice with her helped. Not only did it replace the blood sugar which made her feel better, it kept her mouth busy when it was at its worst.
 

monarch64

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Date: 5/17/2008 9:03:58 AM
Author: AStack75
I quit this New Year''s Day and have been using the nicotine gum since then. So this 4+ months is the longest I''ve been without a cigarette since I started at age 17 (I''m 33 now). The thing that helped me the most was actually NOT telling people, other than my girlfriend, that I actually quit smoking. I''ve found that when people constantly are asking me about how the not smoking is going and their praising of me for not smoking, only made me want to smoke more.
Congrats, AStack75! I was completely on the same page. I found that it was so much easier for me to not think about smoking when people were not constantly bringing it up every time they saw me! Usually it was my MIL and FIL, I finally told them that every time they brought it up I felt like having a cigarette, and after that they never said a word about my quitting again.
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AStack75

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Date: 5/17/2008 1:01:08 PM
Author: Lorelei
How are you doing with it now Astack, are you adjusting without too much difficulty to being smoke free? If it is still a bit challenging, then we are here to support you if you need it!
So far so good. I have the occassional thought of wanting to smoke, but know that I''ll just be pissed off at myself if I give into those urges. So I just chen another piece of nicorette and move on.
 

Lorelei

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Date: 5/18/2008 12:45:05 AM
Author: AStack75

Date: 5/17/2008 1:01:08 PM
Author: Lorelei
How are you doing with it now Astack, are you adjusting without too much difficulty to being smoke free? If it is still a bit challenging, then we are here to support you if you need it!
So far so good. I have the occassional thought of wanting to smoke, but know that I''ll just be pissed off at myself if I give into those urges. So I just chen another piece of nicorette and move on.
That is the best plan. It will be 2 years for me in July, and I now find that I hardly ever think about smoking anymore, I found it got easier with time, and now I don''t think about cigarettes much which is amazing to me! I found the Nicorette gum was indispensible, it really helped.
 

Shay37

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Date: 5/18/2008 4:15:04 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/18/2008 12:45:05 AM
Author: AStack75


Date: 5/17/2008 1:01:08 PM
Author: Lorelei
How are you doing with it now Astack, are you adjusting without too much difficulty to being smoke free? If it is still a bit challenging, then we are here to support you if you need it!
So far so good. I have the occassional thought of wanting to smoke, but know that I''ll just be pissed off at myself if I give into those urges. So I just chen another piece of nicorette and move on.
That is the best plan. It will be 2 years for me in July, and I now find that I hardly ever think about smoking anymore, I found it got easier with time, and now I don''t think about cigarettes much which is amazing to me! I found the Nicorette gum was indispensible, it really helped.
You can do this, AStack. I can remember when people would say to me about the gum, "oh, if you really want to quit, you should be able to go cold turkey."

I remember thinking that this was true. If I just wanted to bad enough, I could do it all by myself. That was my out. If I failed, then I OBVIOUSLY didn''t want it bad enough. Yeah, right.
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I wanted it badly enough to realize that it''s an addiction, and a very powerful one at that. I couldn''t do it alone. I had to have support (PSers) and I had to have a replacement for that nicotine. It was an oral fixation so I decided on the gum. Also, I''m allergic to adhesive, so the patch was a bad idea for me.

AStack, you can and will get there. We believe in you.
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shay
 

Patiently_Waiting

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I have never smoked but think that this is a great thread to have started to support those that have and those that wish to quit smoking. Sending out lots of support to everyone in the thread!
 

karasue91

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Hi there, I''m usually over in BWW but upon Lorelei''s advice I thought I would post over here. Reading your stories are so great, and I''m wondering how your non-smoking SO''s dealt with your smoking? What did they do that was helpful, or is leaving you alone about it the most helpful thing they can do? Shay, I saw that your DH wasn''t a smoker, and Linda it sounds like you were never a smoker and your husband quit? AStack, sounds like your gf doesn''t smoke either.

FI has smoked for almost 20 years, which is over half his life (he''s 33). When we first got together it was a bit of a dealbreaker for me, but I never imagined things would get serious so I tolerated it. When things started getting serious I told him this was a big deal for me. When things got REALLY serious, he promised he would stop before our wedding.

Our wedding is 2 months away. He has *pretty much* quit smoking for the past 2 months or so, but he just can''t seem to take it that last step and quit altogether. Of course, going out and drinking is usually the trigger that makes him want to bum a cigarette of one of his buddies. Of course his buddies aren''t always 100% supportive but seeing how much it upsets me has made them start to really give him a hard time when he''s bumming a cigarette from them (when I''m around at least, maybe it''s different when it''s just the boys!!).

It is driving me ABSOLUTELY crazy. I have tried EVERY possible reaction to his smoking. I have been trying to hard for so long to be supportive, and I just keep being disappointed. I''ve tried being mad, and it doesn''t work either.

Tonight we had to go to a dinner for his cousin''s high school graduation and he wanted me to pick up some dress clothes for him at home (since I was going home to change anyway) while he went drinking with his buddies after work. I wasn''t too thrilled with being expected to cater to him like this since I didn''t really want to go to the dinner in the first place, but I thought it would be a good opportunity to get something I want out of it, so I said I would do it if he promised he wouldn''t smoke all weekend, to which he agreed wholeheartedly. Of course an hour into the dinner he goes out with his aunt to "keep her company" while she smoked, and of course had a drag. Normally I wouldn''t care at all about a drag, but it''s the fact that while he''s quitting right now, I feel like he needs to have absolutely NO contact with nicotine whatsoever, in addition to the fact that he promised me he wouldn''t. I know I don''t actually have any idea about what he "needs"...this is my non-smoking point of view...

I don''t know what to do at this point. If I try to put myself in his shoes, I know that me being mad about it won''t help at all, but how many more times can I believe him when he says he''s going to stop completely and then watch him turn around and have a cigarette the next night? It is really causing a strain on us, but I feel like if I give up now he will smoke for the rest of his life and I know I can''t take that. I stress to him that it''s not just about the fact that I can''t stand it, but I don''t want to raise our children with him being a smoker and I can''t stand the thought that every drag is taking time off his life with me and our future family.

He''s been on Zyban for a while, and he said it really helped in the beginning. He does chew nicorette at work and I don''t *think* he bums cigarettes from people at work (I can alway smell it on him, it''s the stinky hands that give it away!) I really doubt he buys them, because we just moved to Canada from NYC and he hates the idea of paying double the price up here for cigarettes!

Can anyone offer me any kind of advice at all?
 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
Karasue, glad to see you over here!

I remember reading in your last post that your FI said he would quit by your wedding in 2 months time, do you think it is that he ' thinks' he still has some time left where it is ' ok' to smoke perhaps, and that he is dragging it out till the last possible moment? Sometimes it can take a while to let go of smoking, I know it took me a long time, but there is hope - it happened to many of us that it took many attempts, and here we are still smoke free!

Please hang in there though, we are here to help!
 

Heidi137

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 3, 2007
Messages
114
That''s a tough situation to be in. Smoking is an absolute deal breaker for me. I''ve never smoked or dated a smoker but my mother was a smoker who died of lung cancer. She had promised my dad that she would quit when they got married...and she continued to smoke for another forty years or so.....she did eventually quit but it was too late. A person has to really want to quit and although I know it''s hard, it can be done. I''d be really concerned since he is still smoking (knowing how important this is to you) this close to the wedding.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Hmmm...karasue, I think you''re in a tough spot with him because he knows smoking isn''t really a dealbreaker for you since you''ve tolerated it for your entire relationship. I also think that to quit smoking, a smoker need to want to quit for themselves-I don''t think he will quit until he really wants to quit. I don''t want to sound like a negative Nelly, but as a former smoker, I know I would never have quit for someone else-my mom and my twin sister used to beg me to quit, but I didn''t want to, so I didn''t.

I was a pretty heavy smoker when I met my now fiance, and I had been for about 4 years. He actually didn''t pressure me or say anything about it to me at all. I had quit a couple of times for a few months at a time, but the bottom line was that I didn''t really want to be done with cigarettes. When I finally decided to quit about 4 months into our relationship, I just stopped. No drugs, no gum, no "last cigarette," nothing. (I''m not saying cold turkey is for everyone, but that was definitely the only way I could quit.)

I was tired of smoking and feeling crappy because of it. I smoked about a pack or a pack and a half a day. Disgusting, really, now that I think about it, but I was young and felt like I was invincible. What helped me quit was not being around situations and sometimes even people who made me want to smoke.

I stopped going out to bars right after I quit because I knew I would want one if I had a few drinks and everyone else was having one. I worked at a job where prolonged smoke breaks were the norm, but I had just gotten promoted so I had different duties and was no longer around for the long smoke breaks. I stopped going to late night parties where I knew people would be smoking because I knew I would want one (or 20 or 30!). It was extreme, but I was at the age where it was time to grow up a bit and stop partying all the time (I was 21 I think), and I was naturally transitioning out of that lifestyle anyway, so it worked for me. I''m 26 now and it''s actually about to be my 5 year anniversary of quitting on June 4th. I actually still want cigarettes every now and then, but I just don''t do it, because I know I could never just have one because I was (and still am, I suppose) completely addicted to cigarettes.

I think that for your fiance to actually quit, he needs to want to quit. And if he wanted to quit, he probably wouldn''t be bumming cigarettes and having a drag of his aunt''s cigarettes. I hope he does want to quit, because smoking is obviously a big issue as far as health goes, and I''m sure if you plan on having children you don''t want their father to be a smoker either. Best of luck to you and your fiance...I hope he can do it! I know he can if he puts his mind to it and truly wants to quit.
 
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