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Question for the guys proposing (and girls if they know)

KittyGolightly

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 11, 2010
Messages
515
AmeliaG|1307016350|2936107 said:
Well, my BF brought it up last night. Amazing, no hypothetical friend needed. (thanks, though, Kittgolightly)

His brother is dating a long-term girlfriend and he confided to me, his brother is getting freaked out at her pushing for a proposal. It had to have been fate, he was asking me for a woman's perspective on the situation. :bigsmile:

Ha, perfect! Glad to hear you were able to talk to him.

I feel badly for your BF's brother that he has sticker shock. If he isn't aware of companies like GOG or WhiteFlash that have upgrade policies, you might want to pass the info along.
 

Mico

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 6, 2012
Messages
1,245
another goodie, I get the wanting it to be a surprise (that's what I want), but it can also be torture.

thoughts?
 

LoveLikeCrazy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 26, 2012
Messages
730
great resurrection yet again!

I change my mind EVERY week lately. I want to be involved, then i don't because i want to be surprised, but then i'm afraid with what he will come up with if I'm not involved lol!

Oh boy. At this point, i'm shelving everything as we aren't going to be engaged anytime soon with my new timeline haha. He's saving money, and he knows what i want and all the places he can find it haha. Sooo, i would love a surprise.

As for now i'm enjoying seeing all you wonderful LIW reveals as u get them haha :lickout:
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Our situation is a bit unique. We were one of the reasons listed above where he'll be holding onto the ring for awhile. We got a ring (in hand as of yesterday!) that is appraised at 6k that we paid under 2k for with smart shopping and patience. It was a deal we couldn't pass up. Our 1 year anniversary is in July and we plan to be engaged by the end of the year if all goes well. So he'll have had the ring in hand for 6 months-ish. And we'll have been into the ring process for nearly a year.

He's not going to tease or anything. I kind of like the way we did it. We got a kick ass ring for a great price, I got to be completely involved and know I will LOVE it, but it's going to go away where I can't/won't see it until it's time. The proposal will be a surprise in the sense that I won't know his plans, but not a surprise in that it's something we've discussed and I know is coming. The ring will then be a slight surprise since it'll have been out of sight out of mind for a few months. But I've already told him there will be no teasing, no joking, no holding onto it indefinitely business. Not okay, not fair.
 

RebeccaMUA

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2010
Messages
205
Yes, another great thread brought back to life :)

I fall into the camp that we custom designed the ring together, however I only saw and tried on the gold (no stones set) to make sure it fit and I wasn't allowed to see or know about anything after that. So while I had a CAD and a picture in my head of what the finished ring would look like, I can honestly say I didn't see my ring until he proposed.

And because we had our own timeline, we were engaged the day after it was finished on our anniversary. DF was actually able to surprise me because I was 100% sure he would propose right before or right after our anniversary dinner when we were all dressed up and the city we were staying in was lit up and everything. He did it after breakfast on a hill with a 360 view of the valley. So yes, a "surprise" engagement can be accomplished even when the ring isn't a 100% surprise.
 

partgypsy

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
6,631
affguy|1306865593|2934597 said:
Advance warning: My way of looking at things is often very different than my partner's, and many people's for that matter, but especially those of the fairer sex.

I had to admit to my girlfriend that I was considering proposing at some point in the approaching future, in part because she was exhibiting flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease, and in part because I wanted some input from her on her likes and dislikes with regard to jewelry. We did a bit of window shopping together, then I set off on my own. Several weeks (and a couple conversations about diamonds) later, I felt compelled to get her input on one particular stone that had lots of potential, but was a bit over-budget, and with a significant imperfection at that. She approved and now knows that I've purchased it, and that it's been sent off to be set (in a ring she knows nothing about besides it being less expensive than some options we were considering, due to the increased stone cost).

Here comes the part that might cause some heartburn, as it probably sounds selfish (and very well may be). Considering the "gives" and "gets" of the whole proposal/wedding/marriage thing, we each get the other's deep committment to love, honor, respect each other, so that's a wash. But here at proposal time, I'm giving up a serious chunk of change (more than I've ever spent on anything besides a house/car) for my partner to have something that is fundamentally "cute, but non essential". My compensation for this outlay, in my opinion, is that initial expression of shock, and the subsequent times I catch her admiring the ring. If I walk away with a sense of satisfaction and a memory of seeing joy on her face, then the expense was worth it. But if she were to go ring shopping with my debit card and schedule the proposal on our Outlook? Sorry, but the $199 heart-shaped ring at Jared's would be as memorable for me.

She gets a ring, I get a memory, we both get each other. There's no game playing, or holding anything over anyone's head, or torturing...I just spent a wheelbarrow of cash on something symbolic but otherwise superfluous (ok, a micro-mini wheelbarrow :lol: ) and would like the presentation to be a surprise. I'm not going to make her wait years, but month's are certainly not an unreasonable request.

I'm sure your heart is in the right place, but you are saying the process was initiated because she was exhibiting "flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease". You then say your only reward is getting a big reaction from her, and you are willing to wait months for that. Look at it from her perspective. She's feeling uneasy about your intentions/timeline, you then let her know you picked out a ring, most likely have it, yet wait months to propose? How did that "put her at ease" work out for ya?
 

madelise

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 23, 2011
Messages
5,387
part gypsy|1337191869|3196664 said:
affguy|1306865593|2934597 said:
Advance warning: My way of looking at things is often very different than my partner's, and many people's for that matter, but especially those of the fairer sex.

I had to admit to my girlfriend that I was considering proposing at some point in the approaching future, in part because she was exhibiting flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease, and in part because I wanted some input from her on her likes and dislikes with regard to jewelry. We did a bit of window shopping together, then I set off on my own. Several weeks (and a couple conversations about diamonds) later, I felt compelled to get her input on one particular stone that had lots of potential, but was a bit over-budget, and with a significant imperfection at that. She approved and now knows that I've purchased it, and that it's been sent off to be set (in a ring she knows nothing about besides it being less expensive than some options we were considering, due to the increased stone cost).

Here comes the part that might cause some heartburn, as it probably sounds selfish (and very well may be). Considering the "gives" and "gets" of the whole proposal/wedding/marriage thing, we each get the other's deep committment to love, honor, respect each other, so that's a wash. But here at proposal time, I'm giving up a serious chunk of change (more than I've ever spent on anything besides a house/car) for my partner to have something that is fundamentally "cute, but non essential". My compensation for this outlay, in my opinion, is that initial expression of shock, and the subsequent times I catch her admiring the ring. If I walk away with a sense of satisfaction and a memory of seeing joy on her face, then the expense was worth it. But if she were to go ring shopping with my debit card and schedule the proposal on our Outlook? Sorry, but the $199 heart-shaped ring at Jared's would be as memorable for me.

She gets a ring, I get a memory, we both get each other. There's no game playing, or holding anything over anyone's head, or torturing...I just spent a wheelbarrow of cash on something symbolic but otherwise superfluous (ok, a micro-mini wheelbarrow :lol: ) and would like the presentation to be a surprise. I'm not going to make her wait years, but month's are certainly not an unreasonable request.

I'm sure your heart is in the right place, but you are saying the process was initiated because she was exhibiting "flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease". You then say your only reward is getting a big reaction from her, and you are willing to wait months for that. Look at it from her perspective. She's feeling uneasy about your intentions/timeline, you then let her know you picked out a ring, most likely have it, yet wait months to propose? How did that "put her at ease" work out for ya?


lol the OP was from a while ago. I doubt he's back to read your response. Heck, he's probably married already! :wink2:
 

madelise

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 23, 2011
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5,387
omg that IS nice. I like how, since it's square, the diamond is always on the corner!!
 

audball

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