Question for moms with older kids...

[Tacori E-ring]

I was inspired by DD''s thread about baby''s movements reflecting the personality of the baby once born. Was the personality of your young toddler (1-2 years old) the same as their personality once they got older?

 

[janinegirly]

Great question! My DH claims he already can tell Chloe's personality at 4 months. Before having her we always thought personalities were molded via parenting and surroundings exclusively--yet our little one already seems to have her own style!

 

[chrono]

No, they do change. I have 2 and they have changed as they grew up from infancy to toddlerhood to preschoolers to kindergarteners. For me, my oldest did not change a whole lot but my youngest had a drastic change. Not for the worse or bad behaviour or anything like that, he''s just different. More active, more inquisitive and more playful/cheeky. He used to be happy go lucky and laid back.

 

[asscherisme]

YES!!!!! I did not know it at the time but my babies personalities were an insight into who they would be later.

My oldest son (he is 12 now) had colic, was a VERY fussy baby, really really challenging. He was also VERY advanced, super smart for his age, and seemed to be hyper aware of everything. I knew fairly early on something was no quite right but nobody believed me. My mom insticts were right on because turns out he was later diagnosed with aspergers syndrome and he is also in honors classes and consistently tests at 99 percentile on state standardized tests.

My second child was so calm and easy. She barely cried and after my first child I thought something was wrong with her because she was too easy. She is 10 now and she is the sweetest and happiest of my kids. She is also the only one of my kids that does not have some sort of autism and I KNEW as a baby she was different than my son and I could tell she would be easier and she is. Easy going, happy.

Same with my younger 2. Definately got glimpses into them when they were babies. My 3rd child has aspgers as well and my 4th is autistic in the more traditional sense and I KNEW something was wrong when she was a baby. I just KNEW it but I was not taken seriously.

But with my friends and relatives for the most part we all got glimpses into who our kids would be when they were 1-2.

 

[curlygirl]

I''m fascinated by this topic as well! My 21 month old is smart as a whip but also thinks she''s the boss and is becoming quite a diva--I hope it doesn''t last! My 4 month old is the most pleasant, smiley, peaceful thing I''ve ever met so I really hope she stays like that if #1 continues to be high maintenance. I can''t handle 2 drama queens!!! I''m looking forward to hearing everyone''s responses!

 

[janinegirly]

ha curly, I want to meet Lily! And we could complicate our analysis by wondering if our daughters have similar temperments due to close birth dates..

 

[mrssalvo]

my kids personalities basically stayed the same. My oldest used to color coordinate the bathtube letters when she was 1. In pre-school she would color coordinate the math beads and to this day she is very organized and analytical. Lily has always been the happy go lucky fun loving jokester and still is very much that way. she was a chatty cathy baby and is still a chatty cathy..

 

[musey]

My brother''s personality had a huge shift... he was always SUPER outgoing and friendly as a kid, always the most popular and well-liked in class with the most friends, all the way up until age 8 or so. All of a sudden, he became withdrawn and depressed. He''s been fighting that ever since.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/27/2009 12:48:07 PM
Author:Tacori E-ring
I was inspired by DD''s thread about baby''s movements reflecting the personality of the baby once born. Was the personality of your young toddler (1-2 years old) the same as their personality once they got older?

If so, then from the sounds of it you will have a fun ride in 13 years with T!

I was a fiesty teenager, that''s the best type there is!

 

[katebar]

Basically yes but they have adapted and modified and I guess we have ''tweaked'' the bits we wanted to enhance and let other bits of behaviour go.
My son by nature was a shy and sensitive child to everyone outside of home but at home was incredibly secure, demanding and had a "big '' personality. We worked on this and now I have a son who still has the big personality but he is confident and adaptable and completely overcame those shy traits. He is now 20 living overseas is fiercely independent, can walk into any room and be taking to someone in minutes.
He is still sensitive but in a good way and is in touch with his emotional side when he wants to (rarely).
My daughter has been the most easy going child from the get go despite colic and reflux but her basic nature is a ''sunny'' child. She too is sensitive and this has been difficult for her at times with the ways of the schoolyard but she now at 17 has been able to hold on to her sensitive side but has learnt to toughen up when needed. The mid teenager years were tricky for her (and us) and we wondered if we would get a ''sunny'' girl back but she returned to us!
I think as I said the personality traits are there from the get go but you can enhance the ones that you feel are to be encouraged and modify the ones that may be problematic.

 

[Miranda]

Yes for my oldest. He''s always been very even keeled and not good at playing independently. At 14, he''s still that way.

My middle son''s personality also is similar to what it was as a toddler.

Now, thank goodness DD''s personality is very different than what it was as a toddler. She got into everything! She was soooooo busy! Every day my patience was worn paper thin. And then she turned three and was a complete doll who loved everything and was easy to get along with.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/27/2009 4:54:56 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 1/27/2009 12:48:07 PM

Author:Tacori E-ring

I was inspired by DD''s thread about baby''s movements reflecting the personality of the baby once born. Was the personality of your young toddler (1-2 years old) the same as their personality once they got older?

If so, then from the sounds of it you will have a fun ride in 13 years with T!

I was a fiesty teenager, that''s the best type there is!

Okay, you know me (or HER) well!

Yes, I am *ALREADY* nervous of the teenage years. I guess I am hoping she will mellow some. If not, please, please, PLEASE, let #2 be an easy, laid-back kid!

 

[Kaleigh]

What a great question. I would say yes for DD. She was easy breezy, still is at almost 21. DS was more hyper and difficult but was on so many asthma meds, so not sure if that was him or the medicine he was on. Today he can still be a pistol, but is more laid back than before.
I think T is such a doll. She''s got spunk and lots of personality from what I can tell. I love that!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 1/27/2009 9:16:34 PM
Author: Kaleigh
What a great question. I would say yes for DD. She was easy breezy, still is at almost 21. DS was more hyper and difficult but was on so many asthma meds, so not sure if that was him or the medicine he was on. Today he can still be a pistol, but is more laid back than before.

I think T is such a doll. She''s got spunk and lots of personality from what I can tell. I love that!!!

I always remind myself that strong women go far in life.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 1/27/2009 9:08:26 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 1/27/2009 4:54:56 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
If so, then from the sounds of it you will have a fun ride in 13 years with T!

I was a fiesty teenager, that''s the best type there is!

Okay, you know me (or HER) well!

Yes, I am *ALREADY* nervous of the teenage years. I guess I am hoping she will mellow some. If not, please, please, PLEASE, let #2 be an easy, laid-back kid!

Well if it makes you feel any better, our close friends have a daughter who sounds a like she may be a little like T... man alive she was a handful and a HALF from about 12 months until close to two years old. She was smart as a whip and so curious, but also everything was a fight because she wanted things done her way and the tantrums went on forever. But around 2 years old something really changed in her, and now at 3 she is just the most delightful child you would ever meet--playful, attentive, listens well, but spunky and opinionated... really a joy. I think part of the change was just developmental, most kids are little terrors around that age, but I suspect that part of it was that she stopped being babysat by grandma most of the week! I have a feeling grandma gave her anything she wanted to appease her, and, well, we all know what that will create! When she stayed home with mom again when #2 came along, and mom had more rules and better parenting generally, that is when the changes really started. So I am betting that Tessa will mellow a *little* in the years to come

, but still keep all her best qualities too!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DD, I hope! Thank you!!!

 

[iluvcarats]

This is such an interesting question. I would have to say yes with both of my kids.
Ava was always anxious and skeptical. She notices everything to the last detail.
She was born posterior, and has been going through life that way - the path of most resistance.
She makes life harder than it has to be, and remembers every negative experience she has ever had.
For instance when she was 5 I pulled a book from the bookshelf to read to her, and she said "No not that one"
"Why not?" " Because when we lived in CA I got a paper cut from it" (about 2 years before) I mentioned recently that her first word was uh oh.
She is my safety kid, always looking out for her little brother too. Part of it I think is birth order, as she is a typical first child, but she was just born SERIOUS. Sometimes we lightly tease her about taking things so seriously so that she will learn to laugh at herself a little more(not mean teasing) We gave her the nick name Melman from the Movie Madagascar because she is one of those *what if* kids.(and a bit of a hypochondriac) She was never a girly girl, or a tom boy. Never wears dresses, not because it is too girly, but because she doesn''t like her legs to be cold. She is definitely an *old soul* She wants to be an opthomologist. She is a serious cookie, and wears her heart on her sleeve. If there is a problem, we know it immediately.

Sam is a clown. He is all about wanting to have a good time. When he was born, he didn''t cry. Not a peep. Just looked around. We were petrified!
We thought that there was something wrong with him. Nope. That''s just Sam. He still doesn''t complain unless there is a real problem. When he was 6 months old, he figured out that he could take off his socks, and he was elated! (couldn''t believe those things came off!) He started smiling and never stopped. Our neighbors nick named him Smiley Sam.
When we were dividing up chores and said "Sam, you take out the garbage." He said "YES!" and did a little happy dance! That is just Sam. He is all about excitement. If I say "so and so is coming over to drop off some papers" he acts as if I said we''re having a party. Not so interested in school though. He wants to be a professional snow boarder.

As I read through this, I know it sounds lopsided, but I love them both the same. They are both terrific kids. And they compliment each other very well. He brings out her silly side, and she teaches him kindness and responsibility. But they definitely came out of the shoot as unique individuals with predetermined personalities .

 

[Burk]

This is so interesting! Great thread, Tacori! I am constantly wondering what the teenage years are going to be like if she already has this much attitude at age ONE!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

This is a very interesting question. And I will say yes, all three of mine had personalities as infants and toddlers that are consistent with how they are today. Sorry to say that it is both good and bad.

 

[snlee]

What a great question. Very interesting to read the responses so far and I''m looking forward to reading more.

 

[elrohwen]

I don''t have kids of my own, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I watched two little boys grow up from babies to teenagers (they lived next door to us and are closer to me than any of my family). Their personalities as toddlers are soooo much like who they are now. My mom, myself, and their mom love to compare stories about how the older one was so impulsive and nutty when he was little and still has a lot of those traits. The younger one was so much more easy going and calm and he still is. So from my little study of two, your theory definitely holds!

My parents are also child psychologists and they definitely see this trend through their work. My mom is convinced that the general personality you have as a baby will stick with you through life as your basic way of looking at the world.

 

[lyra]

I agree, that the personality traits are set very early on. My girls are now 18 and 21, and even their career choices make sense based on things they liked and did as young ones. My youngest would wear the most ridiculous outfits like a ratty purple sweater, a big velvet hat with a flower, an umbrella and a bag full of toys. Today she is still dressing way different than her peers, in an artsy way, very colourful and she''s very particular about it. My oldest always tried to make sure order was instilled, and she is going to be a lawyer (younger is going into graphic design). Youngest was and still is a handful. Oldest was and still is responsible and dependable.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

So basically you are all saying I am screwed?

Thank you for all your replies. Very interesting!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Lol! Noooo! You probably need to find a good book on channeling her energy and strong will into positive directions! The main thing is that she needs boundaries and she needs to know that her parents are setting the boundaries for her. My sister and her husband had their only child at age 40, and she is the most spoiled child I have ever seen. She is mean and rotten because she always got her way when she was little. This was mainly my sister''s fault because her husband did try to discipline her, but she was with my sister fulltime. Now I din''t think you can totally change their personalities or anything like that, but you can teach them to comply with your expectations. It just takes a lot of consistency. I have been very impressed with what I have seen on the Super Nanny shows, so you might want to watch those!

 

[justjulia]

Yes. Both laid back and analytical. Like their father. I'm the one who runs around saying the sky is falling, lol. I'm grateful the genes went the way they did.

They handle stress, have the same sense of humor, work hard academically, and generally go about their lives pretty much exactly the way they did as toddlers. I feel blessed.

ETA: My daughter was strong willed from the get go. It's been a huge asset in college.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DS, thanks! I do plan on doing timeouts as soon as she understands. I agree that she needs to have boundaries. I hope my DH can stay strong and not give into her every request. He is a softy. She is a daddy''s girl. Bad combo! She is sweet so the last think I was is a mean and bratty kid! Your niece is a reminder that it does take work and commitment *but* it is WORTH it!

Julia, I figure being strong-willed is not ALL bad! She will probably do very well in life b/c of it.

 

[puffy]

can''t really say too much cause B is around the same age as T. but i have noticed lately that he is finally understanding that he can''t have everything and that i am the boss. haha!! for so long i have been saying no and taking thins away, and he finally gets it. he doesn''t try to go for things that he can''t have. i say no once and he turns away and goes for one of his toys. and he has been so much better about his tantrums. he rarely has them now, and i really think the reason for it being is that i just don''t give in anymore. i used to so he would have them a lot, but i said forget it and just let him have it out, and since then, he has been so much calmer. i just hope it stays this way!!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Not mine!

My oldest was a happy baby, never bothered by anything...now he is one mouthy 9 year old!

Our middle one was painfully shy, to the point that he would put his head down and cry in anyone that he did not know even spoke to him...he is now a very friendly (and quite talkative) 6 year old.

And our youngest, our sweet little daughter is now one bossy little 4 year old woman!

 

[lyra]

Date: 1/29/2009 10:18:35 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
So basically you are all saying I am screwed?

Thank you for all your replies. Very interesting!!!

Actually, no. My difficult youngest daughter began refusing hugs or kisses the year she started kindergarten. She would say BYE!! and *run* for the door. Other kids were clinging to their moms and crying, and mine was like "Yay! Freedom at last!". And it''s been the same ever since. HOWEVER, it''s just unbelievable how focused she is at work and what a great worker she is. She sails into job openings because she''s so vivacious and independent and outgoing. I don''t think we''ll ever have to worry about her, she can certainly take care of herself and she always knows what she wants and how to get it by working hard to earn money or whatever. She''s sort of entrepreneurial. (okay spelling has gone out the window here just so you know!) She''s also wildly creative and is almost always happy because she firmly believes that things will always work out in the end. So, there is a silver lining to the difficult ones too. Although we clash a lot, I do really respect this young woman.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 1/29/2009 10:59:19 AM
Author: lyra
I agree, that the personality traits are set very early on. My girls are now 18 and 21, and even their career choices make sense based on things they liked and did as young ones. My youngest would wear the most ridiculous outfits like a ratty purple sweater, a big velvet hat with a flower, an umbrella and a bag full of toys. Today she is still dressing way different than her peers, in an artsy way, very colourful and she's very particular about it. My oldest always tried to make sure order was instilled, and she is going to be a lawyer (younger is going into graphic design). Youngest was and still is a handful. Oldest was and still is responsible and dependable.

lyra, you could be describing how I see my girls 15 years from now!! I laugh because my 5 year old loves to dress very creatively and carries her purse full of toys and lipsticks everywhere and my oldest who is almost 7 is so detailed oriented it can drive me crazy at times..she misses nothing. my youngest does the "bye" and runs off too when i take her school.


tacori-Lily is strong willed and it can be hard and I've gotten in some silly "battles" with her that I wish I didn't but then have to win on principal. she opted to spend 30 minutes on the side of a pool b/c she would not say she was sorry to a boy she accidently splashed and made him cry. I told her she had to say sorry and she said she wouldn't. I told her she couldn't go back in the pool until she did and she sat out for 30 minutes. I finally convinced her to do it but boy it was the longest 30 minutes ever. But, i'll never have to worry about her falling into pear pressure or doing something she doesn't want to do!!