Positive Atmosphere vs. Honest Opinions

[diamondfan]

I love having lots of comments, they do not all have to be in agreement with mine, as long as people just try to be tactful. If someone comes on here newly engaged or the ring is bought and paid for, what is gained by being super critical? I gauge someone''s happiness and if I am going to post and the item is not my taste, I just congratulate the person. Taste is so subjective, everyone cannot love everything, nor should they. If asked flat out, I might weigh in as best as I can with my OPINION (since I am not a jewel expert like many here are)...if someone is asking about a hotel or restaurant or wedding dress venue, again, I weigh in if I have something to add, and if I had a bad experience, so be it. I post it, it is certainly up to the poster to weigh the good and bad and the in between. If someone solicits feedback of any kind, I think they are reasonable enough to know they will get things that might be all across the board...it is HOW it is stated that matters most in mho. And what is the point in leveling someone, esp someone who is thrilled to be engaged and sharing their joy with us? Anonymity is not an excuse to be cruel...and I always revert back to two things: if you ask for an opinion you have to know you might get a mixed bag and treat others as you would like to be treated. You can be totally honest, but still be kind and helpful too.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Date: 3/20/2007 5:55:35 PM
Author:hanione
So, I''m new here, and I know we''re all supposed to maintain a positive atmosphere, but I''ve noticed from reading the posts that there''s very little negative feedback--even when it would be helpful. For example, given the huge variety of setting styles out there, I know we all don''t love everything. Yet, whenever someone posts a setting pic, 20 people chime in with exclamations of beauty.

I know sometimes we just need to hear some encouragement and positive reinforcement, so I think this atmosphere is healthy. BUT, what if a poster really wants HONEST feedback such as:

''The prongs look clunky and poorly finished.''
''The wide band may not really flatter your hands.''
''That wedding band option really doesn''t match your e-ring as well as it could.''

Yes, all of these ring choices are personal (very personal) decisions and we all need to respect that fact. My question is how do you get people to give honest feeback when you really want it?

In my case, I''m thinking about getting something a little unusual and it would help me to know whether 90% of the people out there think a certain setting is just a bad idea for my stone. Then I''d be free to go ahead and agree with the other 10% or rethink whether I''m comfortable being that ''unique''. That''s just me...

Ususally the diamond(s) are 90% of the value and most opinions are sought about them here.

As Dave says - if it is very bad, then the opinions you get are clear.

If it has potential for certain types of people I try to make that clear.

But opinions on design must be as varied as people are different.

Personally i like very few USA designs and even fewer SE Asian.

So I would be very unpopular (and I already am not loved by many )

You can change design more easily than changing diamond

 

[Lorelei]

I think posters need to make it clear what they are looking for when they post. Usually with a diamond which is being considered for purchase, if it barks, then that is made obvious.

If it is a diamond which has been bought with no return period or setting and is just posted in the hope of getting postitive feedback, then that is normally given, although if some posters hate it, they normally won''t post. I think that is the MO of many on PS, I would say as you have if you want feedback that states the good and the bad then make it clear and you should get it. Jewellery is very personal and us regular PSers wouldn''t want to hurt someone''s feelings in the interest of being honest, when it is clear that saying negative things would serve no good purpose and lead to upset for the original poster.

 

[bee*]

Date: 3/21/2007 12:33:57 AM
Author: momof3
i think it''s definitely the before or after that determines the level of honesty you get.


before you will get a lot of honesty, after you will get a lot of happy thoughts...

I think the exact same. Only if I dont like it, I dont comment.

 

[hanione]

Thank you all for the great feedback. I totally agree that once an item has been purchased, it''s time to see the positive, even if that particular item isn''t something everyone would want for themselves. My mother-in-law likes country decorating, and she executes that style well, but it''s really not for me. I can go to her house and honestly rave about her new couches or kitchen paint without wanting the same thing for my house. It''s right for her and that''s what counts. So with jewelry, it''s the same: once it''s a done deal, find something nice to say or graciously bow out of the conversation.

A few people asked why I brought up this question. My concern is indirectly linked to the following thread about a setting I (maybe?) like, the A. Jaffe bezel:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/a-jaffe-bezel-will-a-61-pt-diamond-look-small.59576/

I am resetting a high-quality small diamond (61pts, E, IF, ideal). If I go with a very simple, classic setting, I know I won''t be able to to compete visually with some of my friends who have stones 2-3x my size. I''m not in this for a size competition, trust me, but I''d like to stand out a little and get a few "oohs" and "aahs" that my stone deserves. Hence, I''m looking for an unusual setting.

Now the problem is that I''m not the kind of person who is usually known for standing out and being different. I tend to wear khakis, not floral skirts, you know? For my new rings, I want something unique, not fashionista. In posting ideas for settings, I''m hoping to hear back from people whether they honestly think something is too out-there or just plain wrong for my diamond.

So, I guess what I''m hearing is that any questions should contain a clear request for honesty and then I can expect to get it!

 

[Maisie]

I was one of the people who replied to your other post. I can say with complete honesty that I really like the setting you are considering I wouldn''t say so if I didn''t. I don''t think anyone posted that they liked it just out of politeness. Its not like that round here.

 

[asscherisme]

I understand your observatio but I don''t think most people here would say something they don''t mean. For example, I would never tell someone pretty ring, unless I meant it! If I did not like it, I would simply not post. So if I say I like it, I mean it!

When people are asking for honest opiions, I have definately read negative feedback, but don''t in a non offensive or insulting way. Absolutely people give real feedback.

If you read a bit more, you will definately see people give real opiions, and not just feel good ones. I have read many many, can you return it or it needs tobe fixed etc.

Oh and welcome!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 3/21/2007 8:24:33 AM
Author: hanione
Thank you all for the great feedback. I totally agree that once an item has been purchased, it''s time to see the positive, even if that particular item isn''t something everyone would want for themselves. My mother-in-law likes country decorating, and she executes that style well, but it''s really not for me. I can go to her house and honestly rave about her new couches or kitchen paint without wanting the same thing for my house. It''s right for her and that''s what counts. So with jewelry, it''s the same: once it''s a done deal, find something nice to say or graciously bow out of the conversation.

A few people asked why I brought up this question. My concern is indirectly linked to the following thread about a setting I (maybe?) like, the A. Jaffe bezel:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/a-jaffe-bezel-will-a-61-pt-diamond-look-small.59576/

I am resetting a high-quality small diamond (61pts, E, IF, ideal). If I go with a very simple, classic setting, I know I won''t be able to to compete visually with some of my friends who have stones 2-3x my size. I''m not in this for a size competition, trust me, but I''d like to stand out a little and get a few ''oohs'' and ''aahs'' that my stone deserves. Hence, I''m looking for an unusual setting.

Now the problem is that I''m not the kind of person who is usually known for standing out and being different. I tend to wear khakis, not floral skirts, you know? For my new rings, I want something unique, not fashionista. In posting ideas for settings, I''m hoping to hear back from people whether they honestly think something is too out-there or just plain wrong for my diamond.

So, I guess what I''m hearing is that any questions should contain a clear request for honesty and then I can expect to get it!

I think so, yes. If it is a done deal with jewellery, and honest opinions are requested, then I think the honesty will be tempered with some positive comments too, after all, if the jewellery already belongs to someone and they can''t or don''t wish to exchange it, then it could be possibly hurtful and I would rather say nothing at all than inadvertently hurt someone. I am always careful to consider what I say depending on whether it is a done deal or not, as I wouldn''t want to steer someone wrongly. From an aesthetic point of view, my opinion is only that as I am not the one wearing it.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/20/2007 8:29:17 PM
Author: Dee*Jay

But there''s really nothing to be gained if someone makes a ''look at my fab new e-ring'' post and you say, ''geez, I wouldn''t take that thing if it came with a million dollars glued to it.''

ROTFLMAO @ DJ! TOO funny!

 

[kev_800]

Great posting, hanione, you''re the best!

 

[colorkitty]

There are very few pieces that I can''t find something nice to say about. I think every newly engaged girl deserves to have people gush over her ring. If it''s really not my style, I keep my mouth shut. Now, in passing, around the boards, I might comment that I don''t like a certain diamond cut or something like that. It''s fun to discuss what styles we do and don''t like, as long as it''s neutral and not about anyone''s one ring. But if I come across a woman showing off her new princess cut, I''m not going to say, "jeez, you know, I''m not a big fan of princess cuts." I might say that in a thread entitled: "Poll: what do you think about princess cuts."

I think it''s a lot easier to be unemotional and critical/honest when it''s a diamond by the numbers that hasn''t been bought yet. No one is going to get upset over crown angles.

 

[weegem]

Date: 3/20/2007 7:07:14 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 3/20/2007 5:58:57 PM
Author: strmrdr
well I generally just avoid setting discussions cuz frankly I think 90% of the current popular styles are yucky and my tastes don't line up with most here so whats the point of commenting?

me too. i go by the saying 'if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anythig at all.' notice how I don't exclaim or gush over white metal rings in the show me section?

Yep. I only gush over rings I truly find beautiful, because I do see a lot of repetition. There's only so many times you can say how unique and gorgeous a ring is when there's tons more just like it in SMTR! Then again I feel the same way about sleeveless wedding dresses.......just not my thing.....

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/21/2007 1:15:42 PM
Author: weegem

Date: 3/20/2007 7:07:14 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 3/20/2007 5:58:57 PM
Author: strmrdr
well I generally just avoid setting discussions cuz frankly I think 90% of the current popular styles are yucky and my tastes don''t line up with most here so whats the point of commenting?

me too. i go by the saying ''if you don''t have anything good to say, don''t say anythig at all.'' notice how I don''t exclaim or gush over white metal rings in the show me section?

Yep. I only gush over rings I truly find beautiful, because I do see a lot of repetition. There''s only so many times you can say how unique and gorgeous a ring is when there''s tons more just like it in SMTR! Then again I feel the same way about sleeveless wedding dresses.......just not my thing.....

You shouldn''t try to say ''gorgeous'' or ''unique'' if its blatently not.... just say ''Congratulations'' or ''well done''

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/21/2007 1:15:42 PM
Author: weegem

Yep. I only gush over rings I truly find beautiful, because I do see a lot of repetition. There's only so many times you can say how unique and gorgeous a ring is when there's tons more just like it in SMTR! Then again I feel the same way about sleeveless wedding dresses.......just not my thing.....

Honestly.....I dunno. I try to keep in mind that PS *isn't* a normal representation of what's commonly found in real life.

I've seen a bunch of halos on here......but NONE (other than my own halo pendant) in real life.

The fact that something has been done a few times here doesn't mean it's not unique for the person acquiring it. Unique doesn't necessarily mean one-of-a-kind.

Further, since jewelry is made of several elements, it's possible for similar styles to still have unique features. There are a ton of 3-stones on here, but I've only seen one other that is a 6-prong version like mine. I've seen several halos, but only one where the gal chose a plain shank.

I guess it all comes down to the energy each poster has to offer. Some folks are thoughtful and LOOK for the things they can genuinely be positive about....and I think that's one of the things that makes PS as wonderful as it is.

 

[weegem]

Date: 3/21/2007 1:30:01 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 3/21/2007 1:15:42 PM
Author: weegem


Yep. I only gush over rings I truly find beautiful, because I do see a lot of repetition. There's only so many times you can say how unique and gorgeous a ring is when there's tons more just like it in SMTR! Then again I feel the same way about sleeveless wedding dresses.......just not my thing.....

You shouldn't try to say 'gorgeous' or 'unique' if its blatently not.... just say 'Congratulations' or 'well done'

I know I know.....

I actually just read that over and it sounds a lot harsher than I meant it!! I'm not one to talk anyway, I don't even have a diamond!!

I hope I didn't offend anyone!

 

[litebrite]

Great question. I agree with the before and after thing - what''s the point to telling someone that you think they made a bad choice of ring after they''ve spent thousands of dollars? Also everyone''s tastes differ.

When I see something I genuinely like, I''ll say so. Like other posters, I avoid commenting on rings I dislike but I also don''t post a lot. In terms of advising on whether a stone is well cut, I defer to the many experts among us since I have such little experience comparatively.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/21/2007 1:30:01 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 3/21/2007 1:15:42 PM
Author: weegem

Date: 3/20/2007 7:07:14 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 3/20/2007 5:58:57 PM
Author: strmrdr
well I generally just avoid setting discussions cuz frankly I think 90% of the current popular styles are yucky and my tastes don''t line up with most here so whats the point of commenting?

me too. i go by the saying ''if you don''t have anything good to say, don''t say anythig at all.'' notice how I don''t exclaim or gush over white metal rings in the show me section?

Yep. I only gush over rings I truly find beautiful, because I do see a lot of repetition. There''s only so many times you can say how unique and gorgeous a ring is when there''s tons more just like it in SMTR! Then again I feel the same way about sleeveless wedding dresses.......just not my thing.....

You shouldn''t try to say ''gorgeous'' or ''unique'' if its blatently not.... just say ''Congratulations'' or ''well done''

I try to always say congratulations because even if I don''t like the ring, I''m genuinely happy the person is happily engaged or on their way to being so!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/21/2007 2:18:21 PM
Author: weegem

Date: 3/21/2007 1:30:01 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 3/21/2007 1:15:42 PM
Author: weegem


Yep. I only gush over rings I truly find beautiful, because I do see a lot of repetition. There's only so many times you can say how unique and gorgeous a ring is when there's tons more just like it in SMTR! Then again I feel the same way about sleeveless wedding dresses.......just not my thing.....

You shouldn't try to say 'gorgeous' or 'unique' if its blatently not.... just say 'Congratulations' or 'well done'

I know I know.....

I actually just read that over and it sounds a lot harsher than I meant it!! I'm not one to talk anyway, I don't even have a diamond!!

I hope I didn't offend anyone!

not to mention unique doesn't necessarily mean pretty... I'm positive that when my ring is done that some people will just NOT like it and it will be pretty unique even by PS standards lol

ETA: but that doesn't mean I won't love it!! and of course I'll be able to tell who you are by the "congratulations!" haha

 

[allycat0303]

Well even if the setting is not my style, I can appreciate the beauty of almost 99% of the rings. I have honestly never seen a ring that I think in my head "oh that''s ugly" everything is new unique, and no setting looks exactly like the other. Which is why I continously love looking at Show me the ring, because nothing there are always new things.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/21/2007 4:50:30 PM
Author: allycat0303
Well even if the setting is not my style, I can appreciate the beauty of almost 99% of the rings. I have honestly never seen a ring that I think in my head 'oh that's ugly' everything is new unique, and no setting looks exactly like the other. Which is why I continously love looking at Show me the ring, because nothing there are always new things.

I don't look at SMTR lately I think cause I'm jealous LOL and if I'm really honest, I can find redeaming qualities in most of the rings in the ugly thread too LOL Though I think I draw the line at the elk teeth just for the real gross factor... though the drew barrymore bust is disconcertingly attractive...