Positive Atmosphere vs. Honest Opinions

[hanione]

So, I''m new here, and I know we''re all supposed to maintain a positive atmosphere, but I''ve noticed from reading the posts that there''s very little negative feedback--even when it would be helpful. For example, given the huge variety of setting styles out there, I know we all don''t love everything. Yet, whenever someone posts a setting pic, 20 people chime in with exclamations of beauty.

I know sometimes we just need to hear some encouragement and positive reinforcement, so I think this atmosphere is healthy. BUT, what if a poster really wants HONEST feedback such as:

"The prongs look clunky and poorly finished."
"The wide band may not really flatter your hands."
"That wedding band option really doesn''t match your e-ring as well as it could."

Yes, all of these ring choices are personal (very personal) decisions and we all need to respect that fact. My question is how do you get people to give honest feeback when you really want it?

In my case, I''m thinking about getting something a little unusual and it would help me to know whether 90% of the people out there think a certain setting is just a bad idea for my stone. Then I''d be free to go ahead and agree with the other 10% or rethink whether I''m comfortable being that "unique". That''s just me...

 

[strmrdr]

well I generally just avoid setting discussions cuz frankly I think 90% of the current popular styles are yucky and my tastes don''t line up with most here so whats the point of commenting?

 

[hlmr]

Date: 3/20/2007 5:55:35 PM
Author:hanione
So, I'm new here, and I know we're all supposed to maintain a positive atmosphere, but I've noticed from reading the posts that there's very little negative feedback--even when it would be helpful. For example, given the huge variety of setting styles out there, I know we all don't love everything. Yet, whenever someone posts a setting pic, 20 people chime in with exclamations of beauty.

I know sometimes we just need to hear some encouragement and positive reinforcement, so I think this atmosphere is healthy. BUT, what if a poster really wants HONEST feedback such as:

'The prongs look clunky and poorly finished.'
'The wide band may not really flatter your hands.'
'That wedding band option really doesn't match your e-ring as well as it could.'

Yes, all of these ring choices are personal (very personal) decisions and we all need to respect that fact. My question is how do you get people to give honest feeback when you really want it?

In my case, I'm thinking about getting something a little unusual and it would help me to know whether 90% of the people out there think a certain setting is just a bad idea for my stone. Then I'd be free to go ahead and agree with the other 10% or rethink whether I'm comfortable being that 'unique'. That's just me...

Hi Hanione:

Welcome to PS!

I would guess that the other 200+ people don't chime in because it isn't his or her favourite setting, so it makes sense that 10% would really like the choice.

If you ask specifically for honest opinions and constructive criticism, I am sure you will get the responses you are looking for......good luck in your search!

 

[justjulia]

Hi,
So, what'dja have in mind for your project? You have my curiosity peaked. Spill the beans.

 

[belle]

hmmmm....i don't think you read enough posts!

people are more than willing to offer alternate suggestions and are DEFINITELY picky about quality and craftmanship. the exception is when someone has already purchased the ring. at that point, we are going to be supportive because it would just be irrelevant and awkward. ....not to mention, rude.

so, what are you thinking of getting?

 

[luckystar112]

I usually don''t comment on someone''s jewelry unless I like it. It would be rude to give a negative opinion UNLESS they asked for honest opinions, wouldn''t it?

lol I guess people on here can rate how pretty their jewelry is just by counting their responses.

1-5: UGGGLY

6-10: Ehhhhhh

10-20: Nice!

20 and above: YOWZA!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/20/2007 6:03:47 PM
Author: belle
hmmmm....i don't think you read enough posts!

people are more than willing to offer alternate suggestions and are DEFINITELY picky about quality and craftmanship. the exception is when someone has already purchased the ring. at that point, we are going to be supportive because it would just be irrelevant and awkward. ....not to mention, rude.

so, what are you thinking of getting?

Yup. It's one thing if someone posts a ring and asks for honest opinions, like do you like this, is there anything you would change, etc... BUT when someone comes on all excited and says look at my ering, well we say congrats, how lovely etc.. If a ring isn't pretty to me, I don't comment on it. But 7 times out of 10 I do try to find something nice to say... Maybe I should keep my trap shut more, but I do get caught up in their enthusiasm and that's really hard to ignore. I want them to feel welcome here. So that's my MO. Certainly not everyones...

 

[neatfreak]

Totally agree with the others. It depends on how it is framed. If you say "I''m not sure I love this, what do you guys think?" people will be honest about what THEY think.

But if you say "Look at my new ering setting!!!" no one is going to burst your bubble and tell you they hate it!

I think people do strive to be polite here, which I for one appreciate. It gives this forum a nice tone when people are nice to others.

If you want honest feedback, just ask for it, and believe me you will get it!

 

[Maisie]

There are so many lovely people on Pricescope. When they come and share their rings we all support and celebrate with them. Its a wonderful thing to eventually get the ring of your dreams - I am certainly not going to pull them down or pick faults with what has obviously been a choice straight from their heart.

Most people come with questions before they make the final decision. This means they are sure that, when the ring arrives, it will be just as they expected.

 

[lumpkin]

Go back through the boards and see some of the responses when someone says, "I don''t really like my e-ring" and you will see some very frank discussions. I really don''t want to hear a negative opinion once I have a piece of jewelry. If I''m considering and ask for opinions, then there you go, fire away.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 3/20/2007 5:55:35 PM
Author:hanione
So, I''m new here, and I know we''re all supposed to maintain a positive atmosphere, but I''ve noticed from reading the posts that there''s very little negative feedback--even when it would be helpful. For example, given the huge variety of setting styles out there, I know we all don''t love everything. Yet, whenever someone posts a setting pic, 20 people chime in with exclamations of beauty.

I don''t presume when people post that they are asking if *I* love what they chose. Therefore, it really doesn''t matter if something is *my* taste or *my* style...unless I''m specifically asked that.

The fact that I don''t care for a specific style doesn''t preclude me from seeing the beauty in the piece. It''s just a matter of preference. I know there are many gals here who don''t care for yellow gold for themselves, but that doesn''t mean they can''t find pictures of my yellow gold e-ring beautiful.

If you want to know about prongs or other specific elements, just ASK. If you specify that you''re looking for others'' opinions about them, no one here is too shy to tell you! LOL

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 3/20/2007 5:58:57 PM
Author: strmrdr
well I generally just avoid setting discussions cuz frankly I think 90% of the current popular styles are yucky and my tastes don''t line up with most here so whats the point of commenting?

me too. i go by the saying "if you don''t have anything good to say, don''t say anythig at all." notice how I don''t exclaim or gush over white metal rings in the show me section?

 

[diamondfan]

I agree that if you see lots of positve comments there are likely many members who have avoided commenting at all. I know personally that I try to be positive, and if I have nothing positive to say I tend not to post. Of course there are exceptions to this, but I am not here to make someone feel badly about their ring if they love it. Now, if someone flat out asks for honest and blunt feedback, then I will give it, but I will still be as gentle as I can while getting the point across.

 

[poptart]

Yea, I don''t comment on a lot of the rings here, because many of them aren''t my personal taste. Or sometimes I''ll just put something generic like, lovely!, because I know it''s lovely to them, and I really am happy for that person and their engagement. If I REALLY like something specific about it, I''ll say so. But if you come here asking for honest opinions on jewelry, whooee! you will get them for sure! That''s why it''s best to come he BEFORE purchasing, if at all possible.

*M*

 

[oldminer]

If I have something good to say, I say it. If I have something negative to say, I think long and hard before I commit it to the SUBMIT button. I have made a few posts which I couldn''t take back and felt badly about them later on. One learns to consider offering negative feedback.

However, if I have a different opinion and can make my response helpful or eye opening, then I don''t have a big problem in makng a point about not being in agreement. Its more a matter of being helpful than just being negative.

Have you ever been part of a group where there is a person who not only sees the bad side of things and people, but nearly never has a good suggestion or a thought about how to make things better. Those people are good to just steer clear of. Surround yourself with people who are realistic, thoughtful caring and helpful. The ones who will see your lemons and help you make lemonade on a hot day.... The good guys and gals.

Pricescope has a lot more positive than negative energy. Some of the Pricescope competitors are fear mongers, or have an angry agenda. Even when they attempt to conceal it from the consumers who find their sites, there is a chilling effect that remains evident.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 3/20/2007 5:55:35 PM
Author:hanione
So, I''m new here, and I know we''re all supposed to maintain a positive atmosphere, but I''ve noticed from reading the posts that there''s very little negative feedback--even when it would be helpful. For example, given the huge variety of setting styles out there, I know we all don''t love everything. Yet, whenever someone posts a setting pic, 20 people chime in with exclamations of beauty.

I know sometimes we just need to hear some encouragement and positive reinforcement, so I think this atmosphere is healthy. BUT, what if a poster really wants HONEST feedback such as:

''The prongs look clunky and poorly finished.''
''The wide band may not really flatter your hands.''
''That wedding band option really doesn''t match your e-ring as well as it could.''

Yes, all of these ring choices are personal (very personal) decisions and we all need to respect that fact. My question is how do you get people to give honest feeback when you really want it?

In my case, I''m thinking about getting something a little unusual and it would help me to know whether 90% of the people out there think a certain setting is just a bad idea for my stone. Then I''d be free to go ahead and agree with the other 10% or rethink whether I''m comfortable being that ''unique''. That''s just me...

When someone wants feedback regarding a concern, they ask for it. If you are thinking of something unusual and love it, who cares what 90% of people think. If you want to know what others think ask, you will get an homest opinion.

Now, onto the fun stuff!!! Whatcha got cookin''????

 

[FireGoddess]

There have absolutely been posts where members have been under-enthused about something. But you have to realize that there is a difference between someone saying, 'here's my new ring, I love it, what do you think?' versus 'I am debating about this setting, what are your honest opinions?' What's the point of nitpicking over something after someone has chosen it and loves it themselves? Negative comments would only be hurtful in that situation.

If someone wants honest opinions about something they're considering, people usually tend to give them, good OR bad. For example, I think that the comments you wrote in the original post sound like things you're thinking of saying AFTER someone has made a purchase and is showing you the finished product. If someone loves their ring, what good comes of you saying you think their prongs are clunky or their wedding band doesn't look as good as you think it should with their engagement ring? You're not the one who has to wear it and love it. However, if someone is saying 'look at my ring, are the prongs clunky?'...THAT's another story.

 

[Kaleigh]

The other compliment that drives me nuts is the back handed compliment. Like if you don''t like it, then dont say anything at all.

 

[kcoursolle]

When someone is evaluating a stone for purchase, I am nice but very honest about the stone. I will tell them what''s wrong with it, but in the end it is their decision to make. As far as rings that are already bought that are being shown off...I tend to think of the positive in them and say something nice or nothing. However, if there is a prong loose or something that can be easily fixed, I will probably say something like, "you might want to get that prong tightened, it looks loose."

 

[IronMikey]

I agree completely. I hope when I post a potential ER people offer their opinions good or bad.

One of the good things about a forum like this is that we''re all (almost all) faceless and don''t come into contact with one another. By that I''m suggesting that honesty should be easier to dish out in this type of setting. I agree that when someone posts a picture of the ring they gave their fiance it''s not polite to bash it, but when the process is still pending honesty is the best policy.

Also, there isn''t too much negitive feedback about vendors on this site. I mean if there isn''t much negitive to say then that''s no big deal however, I''ve seen threads that I''ve located in searches where people jump down the thread starters'' throat if they are harsh about a bad experience.

Just my thoughts

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/20/2007 5:55:35 PM
Author:hanione
So, I''m new here, and I know we''re all supposed to maintain a positive atmosphere, but I''ve noticed from reading the posts that there''s very little negative feedback--even when it would be helpful. For example, given the huge variety of setting styles out there, I know we all don''t love everything. Yet, whenever someone posts a setting pic, 20 people chime in with exclamations of beauty.

I know sometimes we just need to hear some encouragement and positive reinforcement, so I think this atmosphere is healthy. BUT, what if a poster really wants HONEST feedback such as:

''The prongs look clunky and poorly finished.''
''The wide band may not really flatter your hands.''
''That wedding band option really doesn''t match your e-ring as well as it could.''

Yes, all of these ring choices are personal (very personal) decisions and we all need to respect that fact. My question is how do you get people to give honest feeback when you really want it?

In my case, I''m thinking about getting something a little unusual and it would help me to know whether 90% of the people out there think a certain setting is just a bad idea for my stone. Then I''d be free to go ahead and agree with the other 10% or rethink whether I''m comfortable being that ''unique''. That''s just me...

My mama said if you can''t say something nice, don''t say anything at all. Well, that doesn''t stop me where it is appropriate, but it is absolutely none of my business to tell someone that a wide band doesn''t look right or that *I* think things don''t match - those are OPINIONS and if someone loves something, who am I to rain on their parade? It''s just RUDE! If there were a STRUCTURAL issue, I would speak up. Poor Dee Jay - I said TOO much to her LOL But it was all technical stuff, not "oh I don''t like that ring on your hand" (which isn''t true - I do like the ring on her hand lol) but if I didn''t I certainly would know better than to yammer about that. People have different opinions and it isn''t my place to impose every one of my opinions onto others or everyone would be walking around with 2+ carat cushions on 6mm bands! ha!!

However, I do take this as an invitation to be as critical as I might devlishly desire to be where you are concerned... ::evil cackles::

Seriously though - get what YOU like and who cares what anyone else thinks... I did/am. Some people really love my stone and others really don''t like it, but they have the decency to let me love it without criticizing my choice.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/20/2007 6:08:27 PM
Author: luckystar112
I usually don''t comment on someone''s jewelry unless I like it. It would be rude to give a negative opinion UNLESS they asked for honest opinions, wouldn''t it?

lol I guess people on here can rate how pretty their jewelry is just by counting their responses.

1-5: UGGGLY

6-10: Ehhhhhh

10-20: Nice!

20 and above: YOWZA!!

LOL there have been some very popular rings that I just didn''t love... and there have been rings I thought were beautiful that didn''t generate a lot of response. I think the number and quality of the pictures plays a big roll in how much response there is. People like details and lots of pictures!!! hehehe

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/20/2007 6:59:09 PM
Author: aljdewey

I don''t presume when people post that they are asking if *I* love what they chose. Therefore, it really doesn''t matter if something is *my* taste or *my* style...unless I''m specifically asked that.

The fact that I don''t care for a specific style doesn''t preclude me from seeing the beauty in the piece. It''s just a matter of preference. I know there are many gals here who don''t care for yellow gold for themselves, but that doesn''t mean they can''t find pictures of my yellow gold e-ring beautiful.

If you want to know about prongs or other specific elements, just ASK. If you specify that you''re looking for others'' opinions about them, no one here is too shy to tell you! LOL

this is very true too... I went into a kitchen once that was all decorated in white with blue and yellow and grey... and there were geese EVERYWHERE and it looked really nice but it definitely isn''t anything even remotely like something I''d do. I could appreciate it though. She did a great job with her gooses!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/20/2007 7:30:19 PM
Author: FireGoddess
However, if someone is saying ''look at my ring, are the prongs clunky?''...THAT''s another story.

and even then, one person''s yes is another person''s no. Look at me and "bowties" hehe

 

[luckystar112]

hanoine- Are you worried about your previous thread with the A.Jaffe setting? I hope not because I think people were being honest with you. I didn''t comment on that thread but I REALLY love that setting. If I got a round diamond I would consider it. It''s like modern-sheik. I love it.

Cehabehra- Gooses...lol! Even though it''s not a real word, I still love it.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Al''s point is spot on. If someone posts something that I don''t love or that I wouldn''t necessarily want in my own person jewelry box, that doesn''t mean I can''t appreciate the piece for what it is. And there are plenty of times when someone posts a piece and I''ll look at it, but if I don''t have something to say, I''ll just move on.

But if people are looking for opinions, well, I don''t think there are any lack of ''em here--if that''s what someone is asking for. But there''s really nothing to be gained if someone makes a "look at my fab new e-ring" post and you say, "geez, I wouldn''t take that thing if it came with a million dollars glued to it."

(And LOL Cehra, you didn''t say *too much* at all!)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am always very honest when someone asks for pre-purchase opinions. I am also very honest when someone has a concern and asks for opinions before the end of the return period. But if it''s someone proudly showing off their new ring, I try to say something positive.

 

[DignDive]

I attribute it to the fact that women are far more nurturing then men, and I''d be venturing a guess that based on the hundreds of posts I''ve read thusfar, the vocal majority here at PS tends towards the fairer sex. Personally, I''m astounded at the sheer density of positivity I read from post to post...I''ve been on other message boards where you can''t say two words without something tossing a backhanded comment at you, and it gets ugly sometimes believe me, so coming here is a breath of fresh air for me

Further, I''m not even sure how the different vendors have managed to stay civil on what is in my opinion, the most consumer centric advocacy group available on the internet anywhere. These guys are here educating us through the virtue of their own good graces, despite the fact that they have businesses to run, (if you ask me, I think they''re spearheading a grassroots movement to change the underlying philosophy and psychology governing the way people buy diamonds - but that''s a different post altogether

Anyhoo - the devil''s in the detail...It all comes down to how you solicit for opinions. Someone on this forum said something to the effect of "There are ways of disagreeing without being disagreeable" and I don''t how, but somehow, it''s stuck here whether people know it or not.

just my 2cts

 

[momof3]

i think it''s definitely the before or after that determines the level of honesty you get.

before you will get a lot of honesty, after you will get a lot of happy thoughts...

 

[Moosejaw]

I was just going through the same though process today when I saw something I didn''t care for.

I am typically quite critical of things I don''t like, and have found it difficult to not make a negative comment when I have come upon some things.

However, if someone loves their ring, I am very happy for them.

The place to be critical on these boards with such varying tastes and subjectivity is in the design process...not with the finished product.