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Parents of toddlers - etiquette advice please!
- Thread starter Independent Gal
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TravelingGal
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Oh noooooooo...preggo hormones have me thinking as clear as a bell.
Seriously, the other day I forgot my boss' name. It's crazy. For the next 8.5 weeks, you all should just ignore the loony preggo lady, as Mara clearly illustrated today on hangout that I am losing my mind.
ETA, diamondfan, I have a feeling I am going to run into very similar scenarios as the one you posted with some of the moms in our circle.
Ellen
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hlmr
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Don't worry TG, after the preggo hormones are all gone, you will find that you are still not thinking clearly! lolDate: 1/25/2008 7:45:30 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Oh noooooooo...preggo hormones have me thinking as clear as a bell.
Seriously, the other day I forgot my boss' name. It's crazy. For the next 8.5 weeks, you all should just ignore the loony preggo lady, as Mara clearly illustrated today on hangout that I am losing my mind.
Anywho, I am going to join Mara in having a drink now!
eta: Cheers right back at you Ellen!
Independent Gal
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No martinis, but FI just came home with beer (and Thai take-out woohoooo!). Does that count?
hlmr Yes, you''re right and thanks for sticking up for poor Birdie, who may be being awkward, difficult and rather self-absorbed, but means no harm at all. And although my parents have had great success in the world, my step-dad was born in a refugee camp, and my mom was born dirt poor, so they are far from ''elite'' by many standards, and still associate with their roots. I do worry about Birdie a lot sometimes, because her happiness seems so tenuous. I wish she had found a career she felt good in. Even if she left it to raise her kids, at least she''d feel like she''d accomplished something. And I do think she''s lonely. Not working or having social hobbies doesn''t help with that either. (Sigh).
hlmr Yes, you''re right and thanks for sticking up for poor Birdie, who may be being awkward, difficult and rather self-absorbed, but means no harm at all. And although my parents have had great success in the world, my step-dad was born in a refugee camp, and my mom was born dirt poor, so they are far from ''elite'' by many standards, and still associate with their roots. I do worry about Birdie a lot sometimes, because her happiness seems so tenuous. I wish she had found a career she felt good in. Even if she left it to raise her kids, at least she''d feel like she''d accomplished something. And I do think she''s lonely. Not working or having social hobbies doesn''t help with that either. (Sigh).
TravelingGal
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Badge? No one gave me a badge to wear! I was given a choice between a lovely noose or a chain. I wanna know what mommy store you''re shopping in....Date: 1/25/2008 7:48:55 PM
Author: Ellen
Mara, lol. And I''ll have one of those thar drinks.
Come to think of it, I''ve raised 3 boys. I''ll have several, I''ve earned them.
*raises glass*
Cheers, to ALL of us who wear the ''parental badge''.
hlmr
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Don''t worry, after labour and delivery and many sleepless nights, you will receive one in the registered mail!Date: 1/25/2008 7:52:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Badge? No one gave me a badge to wear! I was given a choice between a lovely noose or a chain. I wanna know what mommy store you''re shopping in....Date: 1/25/2008 7:48:55 PM
Author: Ellen
Mara, lol. And I''ll have one of those thar drinks.
Come to think of it, I''ve raised 3 boys. I''ll have several, I''ve earned them.
*raises glass*
Cheers, to ALL of us who wear the ''parental badge''.
TravelingGal
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Hey! Hey! No sympathy until AFTER you put birdie back in the cage. Don''t get all soft on me now!Date: 1/25/2008 7:51:56 PM
Author: Independent Gal
No martinis, but FI just came home with beer (and Thai take-out woohoooo!). Does that count?
hlmr Yes, you''re right and thanks for sticking up for poor Birdie, who may be being awkward, difficult and rather self-absorbed, but means no harm at all. And although my parents have had great success in the world, my step-dad was born in a refugee camp, and my mom was born dirt poor, so they are far from ''elite'' by many standards, and still associate with their roots. I do worry about Birdie a lot sometimes, because her happiness seems so tenuous. I wish she had found a career she felt good in. Even if she left it to raise her kids, at least she''d feel like she''d accomplished something. And I do think she''s lonely. Not working or having social hobbies doesn''t help with that either. (Sigh).
(toldja I was a nazi.)
Ellen
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TravelingGal
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Kaleigh
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diamondsrock
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When it comes to parents who bring their kids everywhere, I think sometimes parents just think their little ones are so darling (and they are usually), that everyone will enjoy their company as much as they do. Like the parents whose children run around a restaurant and scream while they sit there smiling thinking, oh, so cute aren't they? Meanwhile the other paying customers in the restaurant just got their chair almost knocked over and spilled their soup! Yes, the children are cute, but the behavior isn't. Sometimes when it's their own children, some parents can't separate the two. I was always aware of my son's behavior as a toddler in a public place, and was so proud when a waitress, etc. would comment on how well behaved he was. Fortunately, he was a super well behaved toddler anyways, but if he wasn't, I wouldn't have brought him out into places like that where he could bother other paying customers. I just don't feel that it's right, and to be honest, I would find it embarassing. Plus it's just really stressful and you can't enjoy yourself either. He is a teenager today and fortunately is still just as well behaved in public! Thank goodness! Some of the kids his age are so rude to adults I just can't understand why the parents let them get away with it - they don't even say anything to them. Come to think of it, they are probably the same types of parents who let their kids get away with running around a restaurant!
This girl sounds like she is lonely and wants to be a part of your family, so I don't think her intentions are bad, but it is pretty ridiculous to invite your baby to a formal gathering and then try to convince you that it's ok if you get a highchair! I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but come on. I'm not sure if she's clueless or what, but you do need to be firm, short and sweet. No beating around the bush. Just lay it out there and tell her, I'm sorry, but this is an adults only event. I think the idea of your mom finding someone to watch the tot would be a good idea, but you shouldn't have to pay for it. However, if you did, it would be a small price to pay to end this whole situation on a good note!
This girl sounds like she is lonely and wants to be a part of your family, so I don't think her intentions are bad, but it is pretty ridiculous to invite your baby to a formal gathering and then try to convince you that it's ok if you get a highchair! I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but come on. I'm not sure if she's clueless or what, but you do need to be firm, short and sweet. No beating around the bush. Just lay it out there and tell her, I'm sorry, but this is an adults only event. I think the idea of your mom finding someone to watch the tot would be a good idea, but you shouldn't have to pay for it. However, if you did, it would be a small price to pay to end this whole situation on a good note!
diamondfan
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Yeah, I would say that you should not have to pay, but if that is what it takes for peace of mind, it is worth it.
Diamonds, I agree with you about the perceptions. I did take my kids out frequently to certain types of places when they were younger. I was sort of hoping it would become status quo that they be able to sit through a meal, not a prolonged formal one, but something more kid reasonable, without carrying on, running all about, throwing food, etc. I did sometimes bring books or their little game boy things, because it certainly prolonged the 7 minutes. But I also did not want them plugged in and desensitized to the world either, we were out to dinner in order to interact with each other, but I also felt I had to be realistic about my audience and what they could manage. My sister in law flat out states her kids are not restaurant friendly. She is a working mom, so most of the time, and wants to be with them as much as she can, so seeing her for dinner means going to her home. Frankly, her kids are a bit out of control, she does not discipline them, they interrupt adults, get up from the table 50 times, run all around...I DO think they are adorable and I love them, but sitting in a restaurant with them would not be the ideal evening to me because of their behavior. Parenting is so hard, at the end of the day, if we have reared kind, motivated, well adjusted kids with good values, bravo, we have done a good thing.
I also agree that she sounds a bit lonely, and thus maybe is making choices based on wanting to be included. It would just be better if she could really understand the host's point of view, and be a guest who is not adding to the stresses of the situation, all things being equal.
Diamonds, I agree with you about the perceptions. I did take my kids out frequently to certain types of places when they were younger. I was sort of hoping it would become status quo that they be able to sit through a meal, not a prolonged formal one, but something more kid reasonable, without carrying on, running all about, throwing food, etc. I did sometimes bring books or their little game boy things, because it certainly prolonged the 7 minutes. But I also did not want them plugged in and desensitized to the world either, we were out to dinner in order to interact with each other, but I also felt I had to be realistic about my audience and what they could manage. My sister in law flat out states her kids are not restaurant friendly. She is a working mom, so most of the time, and wants to be with them as much as she can, so seeing her for dinner means going to her home. Frankly, her kids are a bit out of control, she does not discipline them, they interrupt adults, get up from the table 50 times, run all around...I DO think they are adorable and I love them, but sitting in a restaurant with them would not be the ideal evening to me because of their behavior. Parenting is so hard, at the end of the day, if we have reared kind, motivated, well adjusted kids with good values, bravo, we have done a good thing.
I also agree that she sounds a bit lonely, and thus maybe is making choices based on wanting to be included. It would just be better if she could really understand the host's point of view, and be a guest who is not adding to the stresses of the situation, all things being equal.
divergrrl
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Key.
Lime.
Martini.
Thanks Mara....now I''m salivating!!!! Yum, that sounds so good.
Diamonds Rock: ha...you just reminded me of when DH & I went to a very hip Greek restuarant one night for a much needed date. We left our beloved toddler at home with the g''parents & wouldn''t you just know it...the hostess sits us next to 2 tables with a total of 4 kids under 4. I was like..."umm...I just left all that at home....would you mind a table on the OTHER side (empty) where we can enjoy our meal?" both the hostess & the parents at that table gave us looks, but to hell with them, I am a total foodie & love enjoying a nice meal.
Lime.
Martini.
Thanks Mara....now I''m salivating!!!! Yum, that sounds so good.
Diamonds Rock: ha...you just reminded me of when DH & I went to a very hip Greek restuarant one night for a much needed date. We left our beloved toddler at home with the g''parents & wouldn''t you just know it...the hostess sits us next to 2 tables with a total of 4 kids under 4. I was like..."umm...I just left all that at home....would you mind a table on the OTHER side (empty) where we can enjoy our meal?" both the hostess & the parents at that table gave us looks, but to hell with them, I am a total foodie & love enjoying a nice meal.
Mara
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door knob solitaire
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Dang...my living room floor is littered with rocks, and all of my glass windows are broken.
Ok...the OVER THE TOP DRAMA that I am well known for and have been shown a little love in the past...has a little bit of background...apparently some of you have forgotten...????
Birdie had assumed WAY back in months back (previous post)....that she and her brood would be a welcomed guest at Indies moms home instead of a hotel stay. This is the home of the mother of the bride who is already hosting other family and many obligations. There was a lengthy post about the dilemma of how to handle Birdie and her presumption that there would be no problem for her to stay there and hang on a bit longer after the wedding. Birdie, dear board has been an issue previously. ( INDY ISNT THAT RIGHT? Come on toss me a little life preserver? At least let me see it? )
So I took that and coupled it with this formal affair NON invitation and I assumed that Birdie was being a tad pushy and again presumptuous that the door is open for her whenever she and WHOMEVER (mini mes or full size) she wants to bring is welcome. I read this post and learned that it was a formal adult only situation and was galled that she would ONCE again presume that she is welcome as I understood there was no invitation. Knowing the plans and strings that Indy has been pulling to pull OFF TWO weddings...and keep this group here and this one there...well obviously I filled in spaces that weren''t blank. So er I did.
Again I do recall previous descriptions of this home and family and I was trying to express that when Indy says formal...it is formal. We aren''t bringing in a sheet of plywood and placing in on the card table and slapping a white tablecloth on the top. Formal means...no sneakers. Itty bitty or full sized ones.
Yes it was a tad OVER THE TOP and YES I should be banned from the board for offending the Birdie support group. But I still felt that way.... until Indy reminded us that Birdie was actually invited at one time. So Birdie, board, and most importantly Barney the dinosaur, please forgive me and my OTT expression that lead to offense and serious aggravation that I posted on this forum.
None of my words, expressions or OTT ramblings were authored, intended or posted for any member of this board to take personally. And there is also because I feel the need to protect our beloved Indy girl. Some of us have been involved in many of her posts and have a little more background than others?
Apparently my background on Birdie got sideways and distorted and I blew it way out proportion...in the scale of say a really big purple dinosaur. I did read each entry and I thought the conversation had missed the mark. So I tossed in a few extra descriptions and again A PURPLE dinosaur and a violinist and extra some forks...oh and a really shiny polished floor...and yikes...I made the ground start to rumble and my the windows began to break. Oh my.
Can''t we all just sing ..."I love you... You love me... we''re as happy as we can be..."
Ok...the OVER THE TOP DRAMA that I am well known for and have been shown a little love in the past...has a little bit of background...apparently some of you have forgotten...????
Birdie had assumed WAY back in months back (previous post)....that she and her brood would be a welcomed guest at Indies moms home instead of a hotel stay. This is the home of the mother of the bride who is already hosting other family and many obligations. There was a lengthy post about the dilemma of how to handle Birdie and her presumption that there would be no problem for her to stay there and hang on a bit longer after the wedding. Birdie, dear board has been an issue previously. ( INDY ISNT THAT RIGHT? Come on toss me a little life preserver? At least let me see it? )
So I took that and coupled it with this formal affair NON invitation and I assumed that Birdie was being a tad pushy and again presumptuous that the door is open for her whenever she and WHOMEVER (mini mes or full size) she wants to bring is welcome. I read this post and learned that it was a formal adult only situation and was galled that she would ONCE again presume that she is welcome as I understood there was no invitation. Knowing the plans and strings that Indy has been pulling to pull OFF TWO weddings...and keep this group here and this one there...well obviously I filled in spaces that weren''t blank. So er I did.
Again I do recall previous descriptions of this home and family and I was trying to express that when Indy says formal...it is formal. We aren''t bringing in a sheet of plywood and placing in on the card table and slapping a white tablecloth on the top. Formal means...no sneakers. Itty bitty or full sized ones.
Yes it was a tad OVER THE TOP and YES I should be banned from the board for offending the Birdie support group. But I still felt that way.... until Indy reminded us that Birdie was actually invited at one time. So Birdie, board, and most importantly Barney the dinosaur, please forgive me and my OTT expression that lead to offense and serious aggravation that I posted on this forum.
None of my words, expressions or OTT ramblings were authored, intended or posted for any member of this board to take personally. And there is also because I feel the need to protect our beloved Indy girl. Some of us have been involved in many of her posts and have a little more background than others?
Apparently my background on Birdie got sideways and distorted and I blew it way out proportion...in the scale of say a really big purple dinosaur. I did read each entry and I thought the conversation had missed the mark. So I tossed in a few extra descriptions and again A PURPLE dinosaur and a violinist and extra some forks...oh and a really shiny polished floor...and yikes...I made the ground start to rumble and my the windows began to break. Oh my.
Can''t we all just sing ..."I love you... You love me... we''re as happy as we can be..."
turtledazzle
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turtledazzle
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turtledazzle
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Oh, and while I''m on a roll with all these posts
Indy ~ I hope your second email to Birdie has better results. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your dinner party here!
People really are absolutely ridiculous at times. During our wedding planning, people would love to commiserate and tell us their wedding planning horror stories -- including people who weren''t invited that invited themselves. Well, one of those people ... invited her two kids. Nope, we weren''t planning on inviting the children. Invitations didn''t have the kids'' names on them. But, for whatever reason, an invitation addressed to her and her husband meant in her mind that her two children (under the age of 9) were invited as well. She just told me now-husband that the kids were looking forward to it -- I don''t think they even returned the RSVP. Ours wasn''t a formal event, so we just sort of sucked it up and let a few other friends with kids bring theirs (we thought it was better to have a few more kids than 2 so they''d entertain themselves, which they did -- thankfully all were really well behaved most of the time). But, argh!, this was someone who had complained to me about how rude people were when she planned her wedding.
OK, sorry. Rant over.
But, definitely, your dinner party sounds like nothing that a two-year-old would enjoy or should attend. Good luck (and there better be no highchair-buying in your future, missy!
)
Indy ~ I hope your second email to Birdie has better results. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your dinner party here!
People really are absolutely ridiculous at times. During our wedding planning, people would love to commiserate and tell us their wedding planning horror stories -- including people who weren''t invited that invited themselves. Well, one of those people ... invited her two kids. Nope, we weren''t planning on inviting the children. Invitations didn''t have the kids'' names on them. But, for whatever reason, an invitation addressed to her and her husband meant in her mind that her two children (under the age of 9) were invited as well. She just told me now-husband that the kids were looking forward to it -- I don''t think they even returned the RSVP. Ours wasn''t a formal event, so we just sort of sucked it up and let a few other friends with kids bring theirs (we thought it was better to have a few more kids than 2 so they''d entertain themselves, which they did -- thankfully all were really well behaved most of the time). But, argh!, this was someone who had complained to me about how rude people were when she planned her wedding.
OK, sorry. Rant over.
But, definitely, your dinner party sounds like nothing that a two-year-old would enjoy or should attend. Good luck (and there better be no highchair-buying in your future, missy!
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TravelingGal
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Funny you should say that Mara...a few weeks ago, I missed an 8 am concall...for the first time in the 2.5 years that I''ve worked here.
Thanks ladies for the nice words. My galpals and I went out last week for a girl''s night out which was pretty lame (hence the reason I had a "girl''s night in" last night). Last week, for the first time since I got pregnant, I realized I am ready to be a mom. Partying out and about just ain''t my thing no mo''. We are kickin'' into a different gear!
IG, sorry for the threadjack. Keep us posted and I hope this doesn''t continue to stress you out!
Thanks ladies for the nice words. My galpals and I went out last week for a girl''s night out which was pretty lame (hence the reason I had a "girl''s night in" last night). Last week, for the first time since I got pregnant, I realized I am ready to be a mom. Partying out and about just ain''t my thing no mo''. We are kickin'' into a different gear!
IG, sorry for the threadjack. Keep us posted and I hope this doesn''t continue to stress you out!
kellyfish
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iheartscience
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Man oh man...this thread is getting me all riled up!
Indy, I''m keeping my fingers crossed that Birdie gets the message this time around. UGH.
I really can''t stand presumptuous people, and bring on the hate, but I also really can''t deal with parents who cannot be without their children for a few hours! I can understand not wanting to leave the kid for an entire day, but a few hours? From personal experience, that''s just not healthy. Yikes.
I''ve actually told my twin sister that if I have kids and am unhealthily attached to them, she absolutely MUST give me a reality check and tell me to cut the cord! I am completely serious. We also have a pact to tell each other if we start to let ourselves go, but that''s another thread...
Anywho, it''s late and I''m rambling...best of luck, Indy, and keep us posted!
Indy, I''m keeping my fingers crossed that Birdie gets the message this time around. UGH.
I really can''t stand presumptuous people, and bring on the hate, but I also really can''t deal with parents who cannot be without their children for a few hours! I can understand not wanting to leave the kid for an entire day, but a few hours? From personal experience, that''s just not healthy. Yikes.
I''ve actually told my twin sister that if I have kids and am unhealthily attached to them, she absolutely MUST give me a reality check and tell me to cut the cord! I am completely serious. We also have a pact to tell each other if we start to let ourselves go, but that''s another thread...
Anywho, it''s late and I''m rambling...best of luck, Indy, and keep us posted!
LitigatorChick
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Date: 1/26/2008 12:54:37 AM
Author: thing2of2
Man oh man...this thread is getting me all riled up!
Indy, I''m keeping my fingers crossed that Birdie gets the message this time around. UGH.
I really can''t stand presumptuous people, and bring on the hate, but I also really can''t deal with parents who cannot be without their children for a few hours! I can understand not wanting to leave the kid for an entire day, but a few hours? From personal experience, that''s just not healthy. Yikes.
I''ve actually told my twin sister that if I have kids and am unhealthily attached to them, she absolutely MUST give me a reality check and tell me to cut the cord! I am completely serious. We also have a pact to tell each other if we start to let ourselves go, but that''s another thread...
Anywho, it''s late and I''m rambling...best of luck, Indy, and keep us posted!
Thing2of2. Let''s talk after you grow a being inside of you for 9 months, go through intense pain to deliver it, and then, the pain vanishes as if it was never there, and you look at your child, your life, your everything. I thought I would be the same, but in that split second, everything changed..... and I wouldn''t have it any other way.
Mara
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Well....I have already talked to a bunch of gals who HAVE had a being grow inside them for 9 months, go through the pain of delivery and end up with a beautiful child....friends of mine. And most of them are fine with leaving the kidlet for a few hours OR a few days and remembering that they are real people who are not defined entirely by the term 'so and so's mom'. One of our best friends had a baby 5 months ago and the Mom just went on a biz trip for 3 days and left the baby with her husband who is a wonderful parent...they all did fabulously.Date: 1/26/2008 12:59:50 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
Date: 1/26/2008 12:54:37 AM
Author: thing2of2
Man oh man...this thread is getting me all riled up!
Indy, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Birdie gets the message this time around. UGH.
I really can't stand presumptuous people, and bring on the hate, but I also really can't deal with parents who cannot be without their children for a few hours! I can understand not wanting to leave the kid for an entire day, but a few hours? From personal experience, that's just not healthy. Yikes.
I've actually told my twin sister that if I have kids and am unhealthily attached to them, she absolutely MUST give me a reality check and tell me to cut the cord! I am completely serious. We also have a pact to tell each other if we start to let ourselves go, but that's another thread...
Anywho, it's late and I'm rambling...best of luck, Indy, and keep us posted!
Thing2of2. Let's talk after you grow a being inside of you for 9 months, go through intense pain to deliver it, and then, the pain vanishes as if it was never there, and you look at your child, your life, your everything. I thought I would be the same, but in that split second, everything changed..... and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Obviously you feel differently than many on here re: the style of parenting, which is wonderful for you and your child, you should do what you believe in. However, I believe in achieving a balance in life, and hope that doesn't change when I have a child....or as my husband likes to say 'squeeze out an urchin'...
Mara
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steph72276
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Not to start a debate on parenting style but I just have to throw my opinion in as someone that does have a child......
I have a three year old whom I love and adore like no other. I prayed for this child everyday while he was growing inside me and I cherish him everyday now that he is here. He almost didn''t make it here, and I was on bedrest for 3 months to help him arrive safely and now may not be able to have anymore children in the future, so I do treasure him more than anyone can know. That being said, I think it is so important for couples to have alone time too. I think it is important to keep the home fires burning if you know what I mean. Everyone has their different styles, but I do not personally think it is healthy for the child or the parent to never ever be apart. You have to make time for yourself as a couple because when you fail to that, trouble in the marriage is likely to arise.
I have a three year old whom I love and adore like no other. I prayed for this child everyday while he was growing inside me and I cherish him everyday now that he is here. He almost didn''t make it here, and I was on bedrest for 3 months to help him arrive safely and now may not be able to have anymore children in the future, so I do treasure him more than anyone can know. That being said, I think it is so important for couples to have alone time too. I think it is important to keep the home fires burning if you know what I mean. Everyone has their different styles, but I do not personally think it is healthy for the child or the parent to never ever be apart. You have to make time for yourself as a couple because when you fail to that, trouble in the marriage is likely to arise.
Ellen
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LOL! I don''t have a pact with anyone to tell me that, but I feel the same way, and I''m a fairly harsh critic of myself. So hopefully I''m on the right track.Date: 1/26/2008 12:54:37 AM
Author: thing2of2
Man oh man...this thread is getting me all riled up!
I''ve actually told my twin sister that if I have kids and am unhealthily attached to them, she absolutely MUST give me a reality check and tell me to cut the cord! I am completely serious. We also have a pact to tell each other if we start to let ourselves go, but that''s another thread...
Anywho, it''s late and I''m rambling...best of luck, Indy, and keep us posted!
Ellen
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Ellen
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Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings
Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings - 04/14
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