Ok, now I feel really really bad

[rosetta]

Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who has blown the wedding budget. And I mean not just blown it but pulverised it.

We sat down and did the math yesterday.

Not including any jewellery, honeymoon or accommodation costs for family, our wedding for 125 people now costs a smidgeon under $98,000.

Yes, you heard right. I'm disgusted. At myself. How did I let it get this far??

This is an insane amount of money to blow on one day. All the deposits have been paid, we can't cancel anyhing now without losing the money.

Please may I have some dust for my wedding day, that it goes smoothly, that we don't break anything, that my friends and family enjoy themselves so much that all the expense is woth it.

Coz right now I feel like the world's biggest heel and like I'm gonna cry

 

[Autumnovember]

I will be the first to say that I blew it.

I SWORE to FI our budget would be X and we have absolutely gone over it. I'm definitely to blame but all in all we both are because the things we DEFINITELY wanted come with a price. It kind of..."is what it is" right now. As long as we aren't gonna be in debt, we both decided this is a once in a lifetime thing.

Rosetta, your wedding is gonna absolutely beautiful and EVERYONE is going to love it. ESPECIALLY you two.

 

[mayerling]

I have blown it but by a very small margin. I think it's going to cost about $30000 now, whereas originally I thought it was going to be about $20k.

 

[Amys Bling]

I've blown. But we are talking spending about 5,000 more than anticipated which really isn't bad, hey-FI has added thong too sp technically WE have blown it!

 

[blacksand]

We haven't explicitly set our budget yet, but I know it's going to be a rude awakening when we start booking vendors. I told FI $25K was the minimum we'd spend in our area. He totally did not believe me and thinks around $10K should be plenty for the kind of wedding we want. It is not. So we're saving, and we should be able to come up with about $30K, which I hope will be enough (it has to be!), but FI is thinking we'll have all this money left over for a house, a car, etc. Umm, yeah. It really is a lot of money to spend on one day, but it's a pretty darn important day. So I think you have to kind of let go (as long as it doesn't lead to extreme debt, that is), and enjoy it. You don't get a do-over, so do what you really want on your wedding day, and it will be amazing.

 

[vc10um]

I just checked our numbers yesterday, since our wedding is just under two weeks away, and FI and I have actually come in under our very modest budget thanks to a few un-expected "No"s and a couple of great deals on attire and gifts. We even socked away more money than was needed for the Honeymoon, so we just bought a bunch of new clothes at REI that will be a big help in the Belizian jungle.

 

[sba771]

Don't feel bad! Mine was over 80k and you know what? I had the BEST time! So did our guests. I could not stop smiling and I look at my photos and video almost every day and I cannot get over what a great time it was and how happy it made me. If it is what you want and you are not swimming in debt, just go with it and take it all in and have a great time!

 

[Haven]

Rosetta--What was your original budget, out of curiosity?

We wanted to spend 30K, and we ended up spending 39K on the wedding alone, so we did go over our budget by 9K. We knew it was probable, and our only limitations were that we wanted to pay cash for everything over budget. (My parents paid for the first 30K.) Since we had the 9K in cash, we weren't upset about going over. It was totally worth it and we don't regret it.

Now, I'm surprised by all of the "Don't worry about it, it's no big deal!" responses in this thread, to be honest. Do I think you will be okay? ABSOLUTELY. Rosetta, you are going to be fine. Your wedding is going to be FABULOUS, you are going to LIVE, and you will have beautiful memories of the day. Blowing your wedding budget is not the end of the world, or your life, so breathe.

That being said: you need to reign it in, lady! If you're paying cash for all of these extra expenses then that is wonderful, and it's time you STOP SPENDING MONEY. If you're taking out loans or paying in credit for these expenses, then it's time to take a good, hard look at your finances and figure out what you can cut out of other areas to pay off this debt ASAP. I'm sorry to be the dissenting voice, here, but this is what I would tell a friend because I care about my friends' well-being--emotional, physical, and FINANCIAL. The decisions have been made. This money is already spent. You cannot do anything about that. However, moving forward, you can stop spending more on this wedding, and adjust your lifestyle to pay it off ASAP if, heaven forbid, you are not paying for the wedding in cash.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Everyone gets carried away and you cannot change the decisions that have been made. All you can do is move forward with a new plan, and stick to it. You will be fine, and your wedding is going to ROCK.

 

[KittyGolightly]

When we first started planning for the wedding, I actually thought we might be able to do it for less than $20,000. I was really hoping that we might be able to pull it off for about $15,000.

Then I started getting prices back from vendors. Rosetta, I completely understand how weddings can cost six figures. I cut as many costs as possible, and we're just going to squeak in under $30,000.

If you can pay for the wedding, do not beat yourself up over the cost. It is what it is, and I'm sure your day will be beautiful. But, if it's going to be a stretch, it's probably not too late to see if you can cut back on anything. (The deposits are a sunk cost, and there is no sense in sending good money after bad.)

 

[merilenda]

Rosetta--What was your original budget, out of curiosity?

We wanted to spend 30K, and we ended up spending 39K on the wedding alone, so we did go over our budget by 9K. We knew it was probable, and our only limitations were that we wanted to pay cash for everything over budget. (My parents paid for the first 30K.) Since we had the 9K in cash, we weren't upset about going over. It was totally worth it and we don't regret it.

Now, I'm surprised by all of the "Don't worry about it, it's no big deal!" responses in this thread, to be honest. Do I think you will be okay? ABSOLUTELY. Rosetta, you are going to be fine. Your wedding is going to be FABULOUS, you are going to LIVE, and you will have beautiful memories of the day. Blowing your wedding budget is not the end of the world, or your life, so breathe.

That being said: you need to reign it in, lady! If you're paying cash for all of these extra expenses then that is wonderful, and it's time you STOP SPENDING MONEY. If you're taking out loans or paying in credit for these expenses, then it's time to take a good, hard look at your finances and figure out what you can cut out of other areas to pay off this debt ASAP. I'm sorry to be the dissenting voice, here, but this is what I would tell a friend because I care about my friends' well-being--emotional, physical, and FINANCIAL. The decisions have been made. This money is already spent. You cannot do anything about that. However, moving forward, you can stop spending more on this wedding, and adjust your lifestyle to pay it off ASAP if, heaven forbid, you are not paying for the wedding in cash.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Everyone gets carried away and you cannot change the decisions that have been made. All you can do is move forward with a new plan, and stick to it. You will be fine, and your wedding is going to ROCK.

Ditto. We've definitely come across unexpected costs, so I know it's easy to blow a budget. I pretty much agree with all that Haven said. Good luck! I do think you're going to be fine, so don't panic. Just sit down, re-evaluate, and emerge with a plan from here.

 

[rosetta]

I will be the first to say that I blew it.

I SWORE to FI our budget would be X and we have absolutely gone over it. I'm definitely to blame but all in all we both are because the things we DEFINITELY wanted come with a price. It kind of..."is what it is" right now. As long as we aren't gonna be in debt, we both decided this is a once in a lifetime thing.

Rosetta, your wedding is gonna absolutely beautiful and EVERYONE is going to love it. ESPECIALLY you two.

Thank you so much for your "confession" AN, it makes me feel a lot better! I too am 100% responsible for the overspend and am now suffering from buyer's remorse now that the bills are coming in. Everything I love and wanted for the wedding was mucho expensive too. Why o why do you and I have such good taste?

The guilt is overwhelming. I sat down and worked out how much money it is per minute and I nearly fainted. It doesn't help that we are getting married in London where it practically costs money to breathe.

 

[suchende]

Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who has blown the wedding budget. And I mean not just blown it but pulverised it.

We sat down and did the math yesterday.

Not including any jewellery, honeymoon or accommodation costs for family, our wedding for 125 people now costs a smidgeon under $98,000.

Yes, you heard right. I'm disgusted. At myself. How did I let it get this far??

This is an insane amount of money to blow on one day. All the deposits have been paid, we can't cancel anyhing now without losing the money.

Please may I have some dust for my wedding day, that it goes smoothly, that we don't break anything, that my friends and family enjoy themselves so much that all the expense is woth it.

Coz right now I feel like the world's biggest heel and like I'm gonna cry

For what it's worth... deposits are sunk costs. Yes, if you cancel something you might end up "wasting" money in the sense that you may not recover the deposit, but that may still be cheaper then going through with whichever thing the deposit is for. If you're really having second thoughts about how far over budget you are, you might come out ahead canceling something and eating the fee, negotiating down the fees if possible, negotiating down the elaborateness of whichever element we're talking about... I would hate for you to feel like you have no way out.

 

[rosetta]

mayerling, blacksand, VC, amys bling

Thank you for chiming in, I see I am not alone! Though kudos to all of you for not blowing the budget that much!

 

[rosetta]

Don't feel bad! Mine was over 80k and you know what? I had the BEST time! So did our guests. I could not stop smiling and I look at my photos and video almost every day and I cannot get over what a great time it was and how happy it made me. If it is what you want and you are not swimming in debt, just go with it and take it all in and have a great time!

Thank you thank you for this. I really hope it's worth it, like you say. I just hope the photos and video live up to the expectation.

 

[HollyS]

98K?


mine was one tenth the size . . . .


Well, I can only imagine that it will be a most spectactular day, and what's done is done, now ENJOY!

 

[rosetta]

Rosetta--What was your original budget, out of curiosity?

We wanted to spend 30K, and we ended up spending 39K on the wedding alone, so we did go over our budget by 9K. We knew it was probable, and our only limitations were that we wanted to pay cash for everything over budget. (My parents paid for the first 30K.) Since we had the 9K in cash, we weren't upset about going over. It was totally worth it and we don't regret it.

Now, I'm surprised by all of the "Don't worry about it, it's no big deal!" responses in this thread, to be honest. Do I think you will be okay? ABSOLUTELY. Rosetta, you are going to be fine. Your wedding is going to be FABULOUS, you are going to LIVE, and you will have beautiful memories of the day. Blowing your wedding budget is not the end of the world, or your life, so breathe.

That being said: you need to reign it in, lady! If you're paying cash for all of these extra expenses then that is wonderful, and it's time you STOP SPENDING MONEY. If you're taking out loans or paying in credit for these expenses, then it's time to take a good, hard look at your finances and figure out what you can cut out of other areas to pay off this debt ASAP. I'm sorry to be the dissenting voice, here, but this is what I would tell a friend because I care about my friends' well-being--emotional, physical, and FINANCIAL. The decisions have been made. This money is already spent. You cannot do anything about that. However, moving forward, you can stop spending more on this wedding, and adjust your lifestyle to pay it off ASAP if, heaven forbid, you are not paying for the wedding in cash.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Everyone gets carried away and you cannot change the decisions that have been made. All you can do is move forward with a new plan, and stick to it. You will be fine, and your wedding is going to ROCK.

Thank you haven, I'm nodding vigorously at everything you said. Definitely not in debt. Our parents are paying for most of the wedding jointly, we probably pitched in with 10k only. I'm actually hoping to give some of the money back to my father. Yes reader, he actually gave us more than we need. I was hoping to give about $20k back, but now it's more like $5k. But what I'm struggling with is not whether we can pay for it (would never ever go into debt for a wedding) but more like "how can I spend so much on ONE day? Who am I, the Queen of England?"

I have to stop spending money NOW. The guest list is closed. No other bells and whistles. That is IT!

 

[Haven]

Rosetta--I have the sick feeling that I made you feel worse. If so, I'm so sorry, that was not my intention. I was just trying to give you the same response I would give to a friend whom I care about, but now I see that it may have come across the wrong way.

Whatever the case, I hope you feel better about this whole thing soon, and STOP over analyzing it! (You know what I'm talking about Miss Per-Minute Cost Calculator!) Think about your wedding as one whole entity that, despite only occurring on one day, will leave you with more memories and good feelings than hundreds of days you've experienced and already forgotten. The value is worth so much more than one day's worth of expenses, seriously. And I have a feeling you are going to have one amazing wedding.

ETA: PHEW! We must have been posting at the same time.

Now that I know you aren't going into debt for your wedding I'm more inclined to say "STOP WORRYING AND LIVE IT UP!" Just don't spend any more on it moving forward.

 

[rosetta]

98K?


mine was one tenth the size . . . .


Well, I can only imagine that it will be a most spectactular day, and what's done is done, now ENJOY!

I'm mortified.

It isn't helping that some not-so-nice people have heard about our wedding and have made comments along the lines of "the more expensive the wedding, the less likely the marriage is going to last"

Truly, we arent even having tonnes of flowers, lighting, dancing troupes or anything like that. It's a sit down meal (of very expensive food I confess), a jazz band and fireworks at the end. And a photo booth. And a caricaturist. Ok ok I'll shut up now.

The venue, photo/videography and food takes up 80% of the budget. At my insistence that our guests eat very well, and we have great photos at the end to show for it. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

 

[rosetta]

When we first started planning for the wedding, I actually thought we might be able to do it for less than $20,000. I was really hoping that we might be able to pull it off for about $15,000.

Then I started getting prices back from vendors. Rosetta, I completely understand how weddings can cost six figures. I cut as many costs as possible, and we're just going to squeak in under $30,000.

If you can pay for the wedding, do not beat yourself up over the cost. It is what it is, and I'm sure your day will be beautiful. But, if it's going to be a stretch, it's probably not too late to see if you can cut back on anything. (The deposits are a sunk cost, and there is no sense in sending good money after bad.)

Thanks Kitty. And I used to scoff at those having six figure weddings, like they were extravagant idiots. And here I am. I'm trying not to bash my head against the wall in penance.

 

[Haven]

98K?
mine was one tenth the size . . . .
Well, I can only imagine that it will be a most spectactular day, and what's done is done, now ENJOY!

I'm mortified.
It isn't helping that some not-so-nice people have heard about our wedding and have made comments along the lines of "the more expensive the wedding, the less likely the marriage is going to last"

Okay, I don't say this a lot (or *ever* really) but: F those people. They know nothing about you and whether your future marriage will last. Their petty comments reveal so much about them and their own hangups or issues, and NOTHING about you.

As for what you're spending on the wedding--it's all relative, and frankly, it's nobody's business. I say it's time you get excited about this wedding and the choices you've made, and own it. Love it. Get excited. You are going to have a wedding tailor-made to your desires and it is going to be amazing. You are going to marry the man you love, and you will begin that marriage with a truly unique and decadent celebration.

No more being mortified or embarrassed. Whatever your lifestyle, whatever your parents' lifestyle, this is money they have chosen to gift you so you could have the wedding you want and you are making that happen. You did not drive yourself into debt with these plans. This is a choice and it's yours to make and now that you've done so, revel in the outcome. I see no reason for you to be mortified by these decisions. So what if most people don't choose to spend this much on a wedding? You did. I choose to wear a diamond ring that costs more than my car, and some people have a problem with it but I don't. That's my choice. I love my car, and I love my ring, and I will not allow other people's perceptions or societal norms make me feel bad about either.

You have been doing a lot of planning for a long time, Rosetta, and it sounds like the stress and reality of all of it is a bit overwhelming at the moment. That is totally normal, but don't let it cloud your feelings about your wedding day. When I think back on my wedding day I feel this rush of overwhelmingly amazing emotions, and that's what you'll feel too.

Your wedding is going to be awesome. You will be surrounded by the people who love you most in the world, they'll be well-fed and photographed, and they will spend the entire day celebrating your new marriage to your husband. It is not a crime to spend money that you have on things that you want. The only crime would be for you to do anything other than enjoy every minute of your wedding day.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Truly, we arent even having tonnes of flowers, lighting, dancing troupes or anything like that. It's a sit down meal (of very expensive food I confess), a jazz band and fireworks at the end. And a photo booth. And a caricaturist. Ok ok I'll shut up now.

Please post lots of photos here so that we can live vicariously through you. It sounds likes your wedding is going to be divine.

 

[rosetta]

Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who has blown the wedding budget. And I mean not just blown it but pulverised it.

We sat down and did the math yesterday.

Not including any jewellery, honeymoon or accommodation costs for family, our wedding for 125 people now costs a smidgeon under $98,000.

Yes, you heard right. I'm disgusted. At myself. How did I let it get this far??

This is an insane amount of money to blow on one day. All the deposits have been paid, we can't cancel anyhing now without losing the money.

Please may I have some dust for my wedding day, that it goes smoothly, that we don't break anything, that my friends and family enjoy themselves so much that all the expense is woth it.

Coz right now I feel like the world's biggest heel and like I'm gonna cry

For what it's worth... deposits are sunk costs. Yes, if you cancel something you might end up "wasting" money in the sense that you may not recover the deposit, but that may still be cheaper then going through with whichever thing the deposit is for. If you're really having second thoughts about how far over budget you are, you might come out ahead canceling something and eating the fee, negotiating down the fees if possible, negotiating down the elaborateness of whichever element we're talking about... I would hate for you to feel
like you have no way out.

The problem is the vast majority has been spent on venue, food, flowers, video and photography. We can't cut these and replace it with anything cheaper at this late stage (I'm getting married in 17 days) so we would have to cut, say, photography out altogether. I think I may regret doing that! Cutting the rest will probably only save about $5k and I would lose everything that makes my wedding even a little interesting. I think I may have to suck it up.

 

[rosetta]

98K?
mine was one tenth the size . . . .
Well, I can only imagine that it will be a most spectactular day, and what's done is done, now ENJOY!

I'm mortified.
It isn't helping that some not-so-nice people have heard about our wedding and have made comments along the lines of "the more expensive the wedding, the less likely the marriage is going to last"

Okay, I don't say this a lot (or *ever* really) but: F those people. They know nothing about you and whether your future marriage will last. Their petty comments reveal so much about them and their own hangups or issues, and NOTHING about you.

As for what you're spending on the wedding--it's all relative, and frankly, it's nobody's business. I say it's time you get excited about this wedding and the choices you've made, and own it. Love it. Get excited. You are going to have a wedding tailor-made to your desires and it is going to be amazing. You are going to marry the man you love, and you will begin that marriage with a truly unique and decadent celebration.

No more being mortified or embarrassed. Whatever your lifestyle, whatever your parents' lifestyle, this is money they have chosen to gift you so you could have the wedding you want and you are making that happen. You did not drive yourself into debt with these plans. This is a choice and it's yours to make and now that you've done so, revel in the outcome. I see no reason for you to be mortified by these decisions. So what if most people don't choose to spend this much on a wedding? You did. I choose to wear a diamond ring that costs more than my car, and some people have a problem with it but I don't. That's my choice. I love my car, and I love my ring, and I
will not allow other people's perceptions or societal norms make me feel bad about either.

You have been doing a lot of planning for a long time, Rosetta, and it sounds like the stress and reality of all of it is a bit overwhelming at the moment. That is totally normal, but don't let it cloud your feelings about your wedding day. When I think back on my wedding day I feel this rush of overwhelmingly amazing emotions, and that's what you'll feel too.

Your wedding is going to be awesome. You will be surrounded by the people who love you most in the world, they'll be well-fed and photographed, and they will spend the entire day celebrating your new marriage to your husband. It is not a crime to spend money that you have on things that you want. The only crime would be for you to do anything other than enjoy every minute of your wedding day.

Ok now youre just making me cry Haven. Thank you for being so kind. Sniff sniff

It's all getting too much for me. I'm an emotional wreck. I hate being the centre of attention and I'm finding it hard to justify all this money being spent on seeing me traipse down an aisle in a White Dress.

I'm going to have to lie down now.

 

[Haven]

Oh, honey, go take a breather. I think you just need to relax and you'll feel better about all of this with some time and space from the way you're feeling right now.

I'm not trying to be nice, by the way--I speak the truth! You have no reason to be mortified or embarrassed. I hope you can take a time out and get the R & R you need. I bet you'll return to the wedding planning feeling really excited about your big day.

 

[princesss]

So, okay, I'll admit - I had minor heart failure at the cost. But you're not going into debt, the wedding is 17 days away, so RELAX. Breathe. As a guest, I'd really appreciate the fact that you went all out on food (something I would benefit from) and photography (because I love looking at gorgeous pics, and there's a chance there's going to be a really great picture of me in there somewhere... ).

It's going to be a lovely wedding. Really and truly. (And I'm with Haven - F the people saying BS like that. They haven't got the slightest clue what they're talkign about.)

 

[TooPatient]

Rosetta,

As long as you aren't going into debt over it, ENJOY. This is your wedding day.

IIRC, didn't you comment in Hangout that you make sure stuff is paid off and you have an emergency fund? (my memory has been a little fuzzy recently as it is near the end of the quarter). It sounds like you are responsible and everything else is covered -- why not splurge and have the wedding of your (and FI's) dreams?


Your wedding will be beautiful and worth every penny. Relax and enjoy yourself!

 

[rosetta]

Rosetta,

As long as you aren't going into debt over it, ENJOY. This is your wedding day.

IIRC, didn't you comment in Hangout that you make sure stuff is paid off and you have an emergency fund? (my memory has been a little fuzzy recently as it is near the end of the quarter). It sounds like you are responsible and everything else is covered -- why not splurge and have the wedding of your (and FI's) dreams?


Your wedding will be beautiful and worth every penny. Relax and enjoy yourself!

Thanks TP, yes we still have 6 months emergency funds squirreled away. No debt.

I'm trying to just not think about the money spent and enjoy the whole process. I had good news just now that five of my extended family overseas will be able to make the wedding

 

[TooPatient]

Great news!!

Enjoy your out of town family. Your wedding will be beautiful and amazing. You've put so much thought into making it nice for everyone so that your guests will have great memories too --- now SMILE and ENJOY!

Yeah... it is a lot of money, but it isn't "just one day" -- it is YOUR DAY. This is your once-in-a-lifetime wedding that you will be able to remember and look back at pictures for many many years to come. When I was volunteering in an alzheimer's home, I was amazed that so many of the women could tell me about their wedding day. These were women who didn't remember that they'd ever seen me before but they could tell me just what their dresses looked like and what color flowers they had. Those who had pictures just *glowed* every time we'd look through them.

 

[AmeliaG]

Don't feel bad about it. You spent the money to make sure your guests have a good time. How considerate and thoughtful of you.

I'm sure you'll have wonderful memories from a wonderful day. No one is going into debt so just enjoy it. Gee, this thread makes me want to dig out my copy of Four Weddings and a Funeral for a taste of a real English wedding.

 

[lliang_chi]

Rosetta, I'm glad to hear you're not going into debt for the wedding. In that case I'm with Haven and say, Have a BLAST! And more importantly YOU. MUST. POST. PICTURES!!!!

I had a "in my head" budget, and we went over by $4K. No one set a budget for us, but we went the less expensive route for the low on the totem pole stuff. And some of our high on the totem pole wasn't that expensive (e.g. a shuttle bus).

~LC