No ''making love'' till marriage...

[trillionaire]

LOL @ this thread.

Look honey, my first time didn't hurt a bit. (I was 22) It was confusing though, as I tried to figure out what we were supposed to be feeling, respectively. Not a bad experience at all, but certainly no fireworks. Number two though... wow. Regardless, it's the person that makes it special, and your emotions and sentiment will make it even moreso.

I swear, the gals on here would have you take your SO for a test drive tonight!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/19/2010 9:16:07 PM
Author: FrekeChild
LilyKat--Don''t worry, I figured that was what you meant, I just felt like taking advantage and making a joke.

Date: 2/19/2010 8:37:56 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
this is a funny thread !!

Just how bored are you DF? In here harassing the LIW...

Are you at least learning something over here?

yeah,don''t expect to see "fireworks" when you pop the cork for the first time.

 

[MermaidKelly]

Thank you all for the advice and support! Especially yellowcrayon, Lilac, and Bella_mezzo, because it's nice to see that I'm not the only one doing something like this. Not only that...all three of you got through it and are now married! Hearing your stories makes me happy and gives me hope.
Oh and I figured it will hurt on the wedding night, but like Lilac said it's the wonderful emotional connection of being together for the first time... as husband and wife.

To answer questions...
- I am waiting because that is what I feel is right, those are my values and that's how I was raised. I don't see myself as overly religious, but I guess they are religious reasons... go figure.

-BF is not a virgin, but he fully supports waiting and often brings me down to earth when I get too frisky lol. Also he controls himself very well!

He says he feels happy and proud that we are waiting because it is something that means a lot to me.
(On a side note, he says 'it's harder since he's had it before'. Is that true? Once you've had it it's harder to resist?)

- We have been together about 2 years

- How old am I? I am 23

 

[Indylady]

Yup! Though I tend to think it makes things easier... I''ve seen quite a few friends stress over Plan B and getting tested, etc. and its something I haven''t had to worry about, so I''m actually thankful for it.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 2/20/2010 12:18:20 AM
Author: MermaidKelly
-BF is not a virgin, but he fully supports waiting and often brings me down to earth when I get too frisky lol. Also he controls himself very well!

He says he feels happy and proud that we are waiting because it is something that means a lot to me.
(On a side note, he says 'it's harder since he's had it before'. Is that true? Once you've had it it's harder to resist?)

Yes. It's true. Because he knows what he is missing. And what he's missing is

good

.

Don't mind me. I also wanted to wait for marriage as a result of my bringing up by very Catholic parents, but that didn't last past age 16. Having said that, he was my high school sweetheart, we were both virgins and our relationship lasted almost 4 years, so it did mean something, but in my experience, the pain masked any emotional connection.

BTW, not all women hurt the first time. If your hymen is broken already, there shouldn't be any problem, but breaking that is what hurts.

And whatever you do, ignore any comments made by DancingFire.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 2/20/2010 12:18:20 AM
Author: MermaidKelly
- I am waiting because that is what I feel is right, those are my values and that''s how I was raised. I don''t see myself as overly religious, but I guess they are religious reasons... go figure.

he says ''it''s harder since he''s had it before''. Is that true? Once you''ve had it it''s harder to resist?)

You can make personal moral decisions w/o religious influence. I don''t know why people always link the two??? *shrug* I don''t think you have to consider them "religious reasons" if you don''t feel they are. You''d be perfectly justified in seeking that path even if you hadn''t been "raised that way" etc etc.

Re: harder to resist once you''ve had it. I''d say so. Its hard to go BACKWARDS down the sexual ladder so to speak. Especially if your experiences were pleasant ones.

p.s. -- your avatar gives me such anxiety! its like a non-stop stream of anxious fidgeting. does it have special meaning to you?

 

[MermaidKelly]

Date: 2/20/2010 12:36:42 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 2/20/2010 12:18:20 AM

Author: MermaidKelly

- I am waiting because that is what I feel is right, those are my values and that''s how I was raised. I don''t see myself as overly religious, but I guess they are religious reasons... go figure.


he says ''it''s harder since he''s had it before''. Is that true? Once you''ve had it it''s harder to resist?)

You can make personal moral decisions w/o religious influence. I don''t know why people always link the two??? *shrug* I don''t think you have to consider them ''religious reasons'' if you don''t feel they are. You''d be perfectly justified in seeking that path even if you hadn''t been ''raised that way'' etc etc.


Re: harder to resist once you''ve had it. I''d say so. Its hard to go BACKWARDS down the sexual ladder so to speak. Especially if your experiences were pleasant ones.


p.s. -- your avatar gives me such anxiety! its like a non-stop stream of anxious fidgeting. does it have special meaning to you?

I was just about to log off but saw your comment and had to reply! The avatar is from The Little Mermaid, which is my favorite movie.
Also, I was raised Catholic, (I had to go to Wednesday night religion classes) and my point was that some of the values (like this obviously) stuck with me!

 

[jewelz617]

I was raised Catholic too, but I didn''t have a serious boyfriend until I was 23. At age 19 I was finally like "Ok, I need to do this already!" I was dating a guy, but it was nothing special and it hurt and was kind of awkward. Not to mention the Catholic guilt that stuck with me forever.

Had I been able to do it over I would have wanted to be with someone I was really in love with.

 

[lulu]

Geez o pete! All this talk about the pain! You''re going to terrify this woman! How much pain there is depends on the state of the hymen and many women tear their own with tampons etc. If it''s a big issue an MD can always do a hymenectomy.

 

[fuzzers]

Date: 2/20/2010 10:11:46 AM
Author: lulu
Geez o pete! All this talk about the pain! You''re going to terrify this woman! How much pain there is depends on the state of the hymen and many women tear their own with tampons etc. If it''s a big issue an MD can always do a hymenectomy.

Agree w/ Lulu.

Mermaid, it''s awesome that you''re waiting, but don''t expect the worst and get nervous! My first time was uncomfortable at first but there were soon "fireworks", IYKWIM.

Keep an open mind... and good luck to you!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Date: 2/20/2010 10:11:46 AM
Author: lulu
Geez o pete! All this talk about the pain! You''re going to terrify this woman! How much pain there is depends on the state of the hymen and many women tear their own with tampons etc. If it''s a big issue an MD can always do a hymenectomy.

I kept thinking about this as I was reading the posts. DH and I had sex on the first date (we''d known each other for a while before that) - well, we kind of had sex. It didn''t work at all! My hymen wouldn''t budge, he was so nervous thinking it was his error that he couldn''t stay up. It took about four tries over a period of a couple weeks before it finally worked

My doctor gave us the advice to buy toys in various sizes and slowly play with those to stretch and tear the hymen. Not trying to make you nervous, just something to think about

Congrats on having the willpower to wait

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/19/2010 3:50:38 AM
Author: LilyKat
Freke, I said that BOTH partners should be willing to put each others'' needs before their own - by which I meant, not being selfish and learning to compromise, so basically I''m with you. Sorry - I should have qualified it with ''at times'' to make it clearer what I meant

It should be give and take.

It''s worth remembering that ''sexual compatibility'' is not a static thing. There are plenty of couples who had perfectly matched sex drives in the initial, young, free, pre-marriage stages of a relationship - but then this changed as they get older, tireder, have children etc. People can develop sexual problems (including addiction) during the course of their marriage. I personally think the qualities of being fully committed to making it work and making EACH OTHER happy bode better for a long and happy married sex life than having great sex before marriage (though of course that ain''t a bad thing

)

So basically, do whatever works for you. Just don''t feel pressured into doing something you aren''t comfortable. It can and does work either way. Though I agree with Freke that if this is driving your LIWitis to the point that you are in a rush and aren''t objectively evaluating whether this is really the right person for you... then maybe it''s time to think hard about that.

ETA: Freke''s description of what sex is like the first few times is spot on. It HURTS. It is not fun. And I wish more people would be more upfront about this and do away with the conspiracy that virginal wedding night sex is mind-blowing. Lilac - thank you for sharing honestly, I''m glad everything is great now!

Ah, very wise words here! I was thinking this when I read the posts about people wanting to make sure they were compatible before marriage! This CHANGES over time! So that reason for trying things out just doesn''t always work in reality.

Good luck to you, Mermaidkelly! Your guy should really appreciate that you saved this gift just for him!

 

[Laila619]

DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH. I hated being a LIW, and couldn't wait to get engaged. He finally proposed after almost 16 months. We had a short engagement because waiting was driving us nuts.

And let me just say that you don't need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible.

DH and I have now been married for nearly 1.5 years and we are making up for lost time!

Good luck Mermaid!

 

[Porridge]

My first time didn''t hurt at all! I was a teenager, long term boyfriend etc, and it was actually pretty darn fantastic.

However - sorry for being so graphic - I had been horseriding for years, and used tampons. I would imagine that by 23 your hymen would probably be broken already.

If you want to wait that''s great. I do hope you don''t have to wait too long though!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/22/2010 1:30:48 PM
Author: Porridge
My first time didn''t hurt at all! I was a teenager, long term boyfriend etc, and it was actually pretty darn fantastic.

However - sorry for being so graphic - I had been horseriding for years, and used tampons. I would imagine that by 23 your hymen would probably be broken already.

If you want to wait that''s great. I do hope you don''t have to wait too long though!

Haha, ditto to this! Well, except that I was 20. It was awkward, certainly, but not at all painful.

I have some friends who waited (and some who intended to wait, but ended up going for it a few years into a very stable relationship) and I can''t imagine how hard it is! DH and I are in the camp of doing it very early (in my defense we had been friends for a few years). Good luck and I hope you don''t have to wait too long!

 

[rhbgirl24]

I am firmly in the camp that you should experiment with your fiance before marriage and should not wait until marriage. Sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and the first time is not mind blowing, even though I'm sure it can be emotionally satisfying, so I would NOT want that on my wedding night.

My DH and I have been together 13 years and we waiting over a year before we made love, but I was young when we started dating (16). I wouldn't change that for the world. I think you should wait for someone you love and who loves you, not necessarily for marriage.

But then again I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first so.... guess I'm extremely liberal. And if this is what you want, I say go for it, to each their own, and good luck!!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 2/22/2010 10:05:45 AM
Author: Laila619
DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH....


And let me just say that you don''t need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible. <IMG

Gotta agree with Laila here. Just because you don''t have sex until you''re married doesn''t mean you won''t know if you''re sexually compatible.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 2/23/2010 12:41:04 PM
Author: Lilac

Date: 2/22/2010 10:05:45 AM

Author: Laila619

DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH....



And let me just say that you don't need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible. <IMG

Gotta agree with Laila here. Just because you don't have sex until you're married doesn't mean you won't know if you're sexually compatible.

Ditto. It always amuses me when people think those of us waiting for marriage spend our alone time with our partners sitting primly with our legs crossed, drinking tea and talking politely about the weather...

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/23/2010 1:48:38 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 2/23/2010 12:41:04 PM
Author: Lilac

Date: 2/22/2010 10:05:45 AM

Author: Laila619

DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH....



And let me just say that you don''t need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible.


Gotta agree with Laila here. Just because you don''t have sex until you''re married doesn''t mean you won''t know if you''re sexually compatible.

Ditto. It always amuses me when people think those of us waiting for marriage spend our alone time with our partners sitting primly with our legs crossed, drinking tea and talking politely about the weather...

But...but...you don''t?!?!?!?!?!?!1

My world just came crashing down.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 2/23/2010 2:00:23 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/23/2010 1:48:38 PM

Author: LilyKat

Date: 2/23/2010 12:41:04 PM

Author: Lilac

Date: 2/22/2010 10:05:45 AM


Author: Laila619


DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH....




And let me just say that you don''t need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible.



Gotta agree with Laila here. Just because you don''t have sex until you''re married doesn''t mean you won''t know if you''re sexually compatible.

Ditto. It always amuses me when people think those of us waiting for marriage spend our alone time with our partners sitting primly with our legs crossed, drinking tea and talking politely about the weather...

But...but...you don''t?!?!?!?!?!?!1


My world just came crashing down.

Yes, princesss. Yes, we do.

*stands up to adjust chastity belt.*

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/23/2010 2:10:41 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 2/23/2010 2:00:23 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/23/2010 1:48:38 PM

Author: LilyKat

Date: 2/23/2010 12:41:04 PM

Author: Lilac

Date: 2/22/2010 10:05:45 AM


Author: Laila619


DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH....




And let me just say that you don''t need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible.



Gotta agree with Laila here. Just because you don''t have sex until you''re married doesn''t mean you won''t know if you''re sexually compatible.

Ditto. It always amuses me when people think those of us waiting for marriage spend our alone time with our partners sitting primly with our legs crossed, drinking tea and talking politely about the weather...

But...but...you don''t?!?!?!?!?!?!1


My world just came crashing down.

Yes, princesss. Yes, we do.

*stands up to adjust chastity belt.*

Phew. All is right with the world again.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 2/23/2010 1:48:38 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 2/23/2010 12:41:04 PM

Author: Lilac

Date: 2/22/2010 10:05:45 AM

Author: Laila619

DH and I waited until our wedding night, and let me just say, it was TOUGH....

And let me just say that you don''t need to go all the way to know if you are sexually compatible. <IMG

Gotta agree with Laila here. Just because you don''t have sex until you''re married doesn''t mean you won''t know if you''re sexually compatible.

Ditto. It always amuses me when people think those of us waiting for marriage spend our alone time with our partners sitting primly with our legs crossed, drinking tea and talking politely about the weather...

Haha yes... of course that''s what we did! Sat together in public places supervised with our legs crossed talking about bunnies.

No sex until marriage doesn''t always equal nothing *at all* until marriage.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Date: 2/20/2010 10:11:46 AM
Author: lulu
Geez o pete! All this talk about the pain! You''re going to terrify this woman! How much pain there is depends on the state of the hymen and many women tear their own with tampons etc. If it''s a big issue an MD can always do a hymenectomy.

Ditto! It''s not THAT BAD. I lost mine in a hot tub (ON TOP for crying out loud) and it wasn''t really that painful. I think if you''ve come this far, you can go even farther. I commend your BF for waiting for you and helping you out in times of temptation. I lost mine at 15 (my BF was 17) and while I thought I was mature enough, I probably wasn''t. I look back at who I was then and cringe. My BF was a virgin at the time too but he had "fooled around" with his previous girlfriend. That made me so extremely jealous even though he was still a virgin. Looking back, I should have waited. I think I jumped the gun because he had more experience than me and it really bothered me. So I commend you on waiting with someone who isn''t a virgin. That shows me that you are a mature woman!

And let me say that the few couples I know that waited until they were married were like crazy jackrabbits after the wedding! I don''t know, to me, the couples that wait just seem "different." In a good way! Like they have this secret between just the two of them. I think it''s special. I think some of the intimacy gets lost after you have sex with someone. I don''t remember the last time FI and I just made out without it turning into sex. I think anticipation is a big aphrodisiac. You''ve got plenty of years to experience the big O later. Like I said, you''ve come this far, what''s a little farther?

 

[mrhand]

Date: 2/17/2010 3:11:05 PM
Author:MermaidKelly
at times it can be super hard

I bet. For his sake, please consider an alternative.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/23/2010 10:19:50 AM
Author: rhbgirl24
I am firmly in the camp that you should experiment with your fiance before marriage and should not wait until marriage. Sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and the first time is not mind blowing, even though I''m sure it can be emotionally satisfying, so I would NOT want that on my wedding night.

My DH and I have been together 13 years and we waiting over a year before we made love, but I was young when we started dating (16). I wouldn''t change that for the world. I think you should wait for someone you love and who loves you, not necessarily for marriage.

But then again I wouldn''t buy a car without test driving it first so.... guess I''m extremely liberal. And if this is what you want, I say go for it, to each their own, and good luck!!

buttt...wouldn''t most men want a lo mileage car?

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/24/2010 2:15:39 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/23/2010 10:19:50 AM

Author: rhbgirl24

I am firmly in the camp that you should experiment with your fiance before marriage and should not wait until marriage. Sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and the first time is not mind blowing, even though I'm sure it can be emotionally satisfying, so I would NOT want that on my wedding night.


My DH and I have been together 13 years and we waiting over a year before we made love, but I was young when we started dating (16). I wouldn't change that for the world. I think you should wait for someone you love and who loves you, not necessarily for marriage.


But then again I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first so.... guess I'm extremely liberal. And if this is what you want, I say go for it, to each their own, and good luck!!

buttt...wouldn't most men want a lo mileage car?

So would most women, but that doesn't keep men from driving their cars just because the next buyer might not want as many miles.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 2/24/2010 10:14:15 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/24/2010 2:15:39 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/23/2010 10:19:50 AM

Author: rhbgirl24

I am firmly in the camp that you should experiment with your fiance before marriage and should not wait until marriage. Sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and the first time is not mind blowing, even though I''m sure it can be emotionally satisfying, so I would NOT want that on my wedding night.


My DH and I have been together 13 years and we waiting over a year before we made love, but I was young when we started dating (16). I wouldn''t change that for the world. I think you should wait for someone you love and who loves you, not necessarily for marriage.


But then again I wouldn''t buy a car without test driving it first so.... guess I''m extremely liberal. And if this is what you want, I say go for it, to each their own, and good luck!!

buttt...wouldn''t most men want a lo mileage car?

So would most women, but that doesn''t keep men from driving their cars just because the next buyer might not want as many miles.

Do not engage him, princesss!

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/24/2010 10:45:07 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 2/24/2010 10:14:15 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 2/24/2010 2:15:39 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/23/2010 10:19:50 AM


Author: rhbgirl24


I am firmly in the camp that you should experiment with your fiance before marriage and should not wait until marriage. Sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and the first time is not mind blowing, even though I''m sure it can be emotionally satisfying, so I would NOT want that on my wedding night.



My DH and I have been together 13 years and we waiting over a year before we made love, but I was young when we started dating (16). I wouldn''t change that for the world. I think you should wait for someone you love and who loves you, not necessarily for marriage.



But then again I wouldn''t buy a car without test driving it first so.... guess I''m extremely liberal. And if this is what you want, I say go for it, to each their own, and good luck!!

buttt...wouldn''t most men want a lo mileage car?

So would most women, but that doesn''t keep men from driving their cars just because the next buyer might not want as many miles.

Do not engage him, princesss!

I know, I know...the blatant sexism just realllllly bugged me.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 2/24/2010 11:41:55 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 2/24/2010 10:45:07 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 2/24/2010 10:14:15 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 2/24/2010 2:15:39 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/23/2010 10:19:50 AM


Author: rhbgirl24


I am firmly in the camp that you should experiment with your fiance before marriage and should not wait until marriage. Sex is a huge part of a healthy relationship and the first time is not mind blowing, even though I''m sure it can be emotionally satisfying, so I would NOT want that on my wedding night.



My DH and I have been together 13 years and we waiting over a year before we made love, but I was young when we started dating (16). I wouldn''t change that for the world. I think you should wait for someone you love and who loves you, not necessarily for marriage.



But then again I wouldn''t buy a car without test driving it first so.... guess I''m extremely liberal. And if this is what you want, I say go for it, to each their own, and good luck!!

buttt...wouldn''t most men want a lo mileage car?

So would most women, but that doesn''t keep men from driving their cars just because the next buyer might not want as many miles.

Do not engage him, princesss!

I know, I know...the blatant sexism just realllllly bugged me.

From DF? Never!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 2/24/2010 12:42:01 AM
Author: mrhand

Date: 2/17/2010 3:11:05 PM
Author:MermaidKelly
at times it can be super hard

I bet. For his sake, please consider an alternative.

Bahahaha!!! No one caught this?!