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Newborn vs. Toddler stage -which is harder? REPRISE

Skippy123

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beesha77|1317309208|3028722 said:
Skippy--anytime!! I'll have to get a pic of them and post it here when they were born and what they look like now. They were born at 38 weeks...induced even! AGH! They liked it in there! I am fairly new here, i was just going through the "seeing the faces behind the ps members" thread, posted mine, and saw you, you are adorable! I'll be back with pics of the boys later. :wavey:
aw thanks. you are beautiful!!! I want to see your twins :bigsmile: I bet all 3 of your kiddos are adorable :wavey:
 

Skippy123

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okay my kiddos are past of toddler age and I can officially say the Newborn stage was the hardest hands down. I am not good with sleep deprivation. I just thought I would update since back in the day I said I would after I hit the toddler stage. My kiddos are 3.5 years old. Also, I have twins so I am sure that makes a difference, when 2 babies aren't sleeping.
 

NewEnglandLady

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I remember reading this thread when I was pregnant with my first. I've thought about it MANY times since.

I have a toddler (2 years, 8 months) and an infant (8 months). I am one of the few who thinks that hands-down, the toddler stage is harder.

I think I could write pages about this, but the bottom line is that both of my babies were EASY, even as newborns. Neither was up more than 2x per night in the first weeks home from the hospital and both were STTN (7pm - 7am) by 10 weeks. Neither was fussy as baby. They are both very good-natured. They napped well, they ate well, they were great newborns. I'm simply very lucky.

My toddler is not a particularly challenging toddler. She's the sweet, shy, observant type. But day-to-day life is just more challenging. She has opinions about things. She asserts her will. She wants to do things in her own time. She requires more patience. More discipline. More energy. On the flip side, I think a toddler is also much more fun than a newborn. My toddler is funny, so we laugh a lot. She's very sweet and I can't get enough spontaneous hugs and kisses. She says things like "love you, mommy", which literally brings tears to my eyes at times.

I also sometimes miss the toddler/newborn combo. We did a ton of things as a family since newborns don't have a schedule. I could wear the newborn and we could go out and do things as a family. Now the baby is on a schedule and it's much harder to fit in time as a family.

So from a completely pragmatic standpoint, I found the newborn stage to be easier, but obviously that's just my experience!
 

JGator

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I'm going with newborn was way harder as my DD didn't STTN until 14 months, and she was getting up 2 or more times a night until then. NEL, you are so lucky! I was a wreck due to sleep deprivation and being a slave to the pump also. Now, I have my sanity back, and she can communicate so things are so much easier now!
 

Laila619

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Skippy|1414021232|3771291 said:
okay my kiddos are past of toddler age and I can officially say the Newborn stage was the hardest hands down. I am not good with sleep deprivation. I just thought I would update since back in the day I said I would after I hit the toddler stage. My kiddos are 3.5 years old. Also, I have twins so I am sure that makes a difference, when 2 babies aren't sleeping.
I agree. Newborns are so hard because of the sleep deprivation. My two toddlers are much easier than my twin newborns. They can communicate, tell you what they need, they entertain themselves, feed themselves, etc. And they SLEEP when you tell them to, lol.
 

amc80

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I don't know, this is a tough one. B is generally well behaved, but he is very much two. He is also very very active. It's exhausting. Oh, and he also isn't a great sleeper. Last night he was up from 3-4am. No reason. He's never been a great sleeper. The difference is now, we can interact. We have conversations. He makes me laugh. He gives me hugs. Newborns are so freaking needy. They require 100% of your time, attention, and energy. And they just....lay there. They poop, they pee, and, if you're lucky, they sleep. I think both stages are difficult in their own ways.

BUT, if I had a toddler who slept all night, every night? I'd probably say newborns are harder.
 

Sha

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I have a newborn now (and a 4 yr old) so am reliving the newborn days. I think some aspects of the newborn stage are easier- like the fact that they sleep/eat most of the time and not much else, but the sleep deprivation at night is tough! Also not having control over your schedule-even simple things like when you can eat, go to the bathroom, go out etc. And dealing with colic is tough too.

My almost 5 yr old us very challenging sometimes, but I still think toddlers are probably easier. They demand a lot more of your time and attention because they're so active and interactive- while difficult sometimes this is also fun. Plus sleep is a lot better and the toddlers can communicate their needs, feelings etc, which is nice.
 

monarch64

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I definitely think the newborn stage was more difficult. Toddlers are super active and pretty demanding, but I feel like after mine hit 2 she was so much easier to talk to, comfort, reason with, etc.
 

soocool

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Enjoy them when they are little, because once they become adolescents and teens you will wish they were infants and toddlers again.
 

Sha

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Thanks MP and JC! Yes, he's 5 wks old-conceived after 2.5 yrs ttc after my m/c in 2011. Very happy he's here!(And still lurking and sending best wishes for you guys in the other thread too!).

I'm not looking forward to the teen years at all. That's scary...
 

monkeyprincess

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By the way, the newborn stage was much more stressful for me than toddler stage so far. It was definitely the lack of sleep (I couldn't sleep even when I had a chance for some reason), and my son was just a very unhappy person for his first 8-10 weeks and was dealing with reflux and a possible dairy sensitivity/allergy. I was so stressed out and felt like life would always be that way. Once he was about 3 months old and decided he actually enjoyed life on the outside, it was wonderful. He can be a pill sometimes now at 2, but overall, he is just so much fun and a pretty easygoing kid, and I really enjoy being able to communicate with him now.
 

Laila619

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monkeyprincess|1416411841|3786453 said:
By the way, the newborn stage was much more stressful for me than toddler stage so far. It was definitely the lack of sleep (I couldn't sleep even when I had a chance for some reason), and my son was just a very unhappy person for his first 8-10 weeks and was dealing with reflux and a possible dairy sensitivity/allergy. I was so stressed out and felt like life would always be that way. Once he was about 3 months old and decided he actually enjoyed life on the outside, it was wonderful. He can be a pill sometimes now at 2, but overall, he is just so much fun and a pretty easygoing kid, and I really enjoy being able to communicate with him now.
This times a million. You just described my twins (well, mainly my boy). I keep looking at the calendar and wondering what month it will get better. My toddlers are just so, so much easier! But I know eventually the crazy newborn stage is over and it becomes a distant memory.

Sha, congratulations!!!
 

Sha

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Thanks! :))
 

BrightSpot

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Sha, congratulations!! I had no idea you were pregnant! I'm so very happy for you.

I've been enjoying reading this thread but can't weigh in yet since my LO is only 3 months old.
I tip my hat to all of you twin mamas. I don't know how you do it!
 

monkeyprincess

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Hey there, Brightspot! I've been hoping to see an update from you on how things are going with you and little Virginia! I hope you'll check in on one of these threads sometime soon and let us know!
 

BrightSpot

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Hey, MP! Sorry for falling off the face of the earth. I actually follow along here very frequently but haven't managed to post in ages.
All is going well with little Virginia. She's 3.5 months old now & it's been so amazing to see her grow & change. She's such a sweet little girl & is largely good tempered thus far. I will echo what so many other ladies said about it being really hard in the beginning (especially recovering from a c section on top of childcare) but my DH has been just amazing (& works from home) so I'm extraordinarily lucky to have him. Having a co-parent had made the transition so much easier.
I loved the baby snuggles in the beginning but have to say that things are just so much sweeter now that Ginny is smiling & laughing. It's like my heart is going to explode. :love:

Sorry for the thread jack. I'm not really sure where to post anymore. I should probably join the newborn-12 month thread but it seems pretty quiet over there. I hope you're feeling well & the twins are doing great!

image_2842.jpg
 

Dandi

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Oh my goodness Bright, Virginia is just beautiful! That smile makes me melt!! :love:
 

monkeyprincess

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Bright, she's so beautiful and so worth the wait! I'm so happy to hear things have been going well and that you and your DH are both enjoying it so much. I have to say, in my experience it just keeps getting better and better as they grow and become mote interactive and then start talking. Yay, it just makes me happy to know you're experiencing all this after so much heartache!
 

Sha

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Thanks Brightspot. Your little girl is adoooorable!! Such a joy! Continue to enjoy her-the newborn days are really tough but they do go by quickly-before you know it, you'll have a baby then a toddler. I agree with MP that each day gets better and better. :))
 

JGator

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Bright, thanks for posting a pic of Virginia! She's a beautiful baby! I'm thrilled for you and your DH. Keep posting!!!
 

Loves Vintage

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Bright - She is gorgeous! I have to say, she reminds me of my little one when she was that age. And, I agree with the others who posted. This sweetness only continues and grows. It seems almost unbelievable, right? My daughter is almost 4, and I still feel like my heart could burst! Kids are just so unbelievably wonderful! I wish I had known much earlier. I'd have a lot more kids right now!!
 

BrightSpot

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Thanks so much for your sweet posts, Dandi, sha, MP, Jgator & LV. The little one is pretty amazing. Sometimes I look at her & I can't believe she's mine. (And sometimes I look at her & really wish she'd sleep more!) :-o
 

amc80

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Okay, my official position is it depends on the kid. T is a good sleeper and eater, so he's an easy baby. B is 2.5 and requires interaction that can be draining at times. Not to mention the whole "two" thing. T is perfectly happy laying on my chest and sleeping all day long. B never slept as a newborn and was a really slow eater.
 

JGator

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Bright, the first year is the hardest. Is V sleeping through the night? K did not until 14 months, and it was night & day after that. If you are having STTN issues, seriously consider a sleep coach. I have a friend who has a 14 month old and she hired a sleep coach and in 1 or 2 days her kid was sleeping for 12 hours at night, and only ended up crying for 6 minutes one time. It was all about routine and breaking bad habits. I have an internet sense/vibe that you aren't sleeping. I could be way off though! Good luck. Seriously, if you have a kid like mine, the first year is ROUGH no matter how cute they are! And, once you get sleep, it is LIFE ALTERING! And, you WILL get sleep again. Also, I think part of my issue was being a slave to the pump. K didn't really get the hang of BF from me so we had to supplement with formula right away and I was always chained to the pump. I remember pumping in the backseat of the car, and just being so tied to that thing. I wanted to make it to 1 year. I did, but I do not think I would go that long again with a low supply and the pumping. I even took the meds to increase supply and supplements and ate oatmeal daily. You name it, I did it. After a while I was down to maybe a couple ounces a day after pumping 3-4X/day for 30 mins each time. Exhausting and not worth it!

AMC, glad to hear that T is an easy going baby. That will help balance out your experience with B. Are you planning to keep up the breast feeding?

MP, I remember the rough time you had at the beginning with Ev too. Hopefully, you will also get easy going babies this time too!
 

BrightSpot

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Jgator, thanks for reaching out about this. Your internet vibe is indeed correct that V isn't sleeping very well. She was doing ok until about 3.5 months, then the 4 month sleep regression hit & we haven't recovered. On a good night, she sleeps for a 4 hour stretch then wakes every 3-4 hours, but, more likely, she wakes every 2 hours all night long now. She's not a very good napper either. Every now and then she'll nap for an hour, but it's usually only 30-45 minutes.

That must've been so difficult for you to be tied to the pump & struggle with supply issues with K. That's amazing that you made it 1 year! Huge kudos to you.

Unfortunately breastfeeding didn't work out for me, but the silver lining is that my DH alternates night feedings with me, which helps immensely. That said, the sleep deprivation sucks.

We did a bit of sleep training at bedtime only (per the book I read, Sleeping Through the Night by Mindell, which said the night feedings would take care of themselves...still waiting for that to occur.) We instituted a routine & are very consistent with it, but I think V definitely has some negative sleep associations (specifically eating to fall asleep).

That's amazing that your friend had such quick success with a sleep coach. Do you know who she used? We should probably consider hiring someone to help us. V turns 6 months on Monday & things don't seem to be improving on the sleep front.

Otherwise, she's such a sweet little girl. It's so fun to watch her discover new things every day & her smiles & giggles just make me melt. We're very fortunate. Tired, but fortunate. :rodent:



image_3225.jpg
 

JGator

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Bright, we had the same thing happen to us. It all went downhill at 4 months. How old is she now? When I finally got hard core about it, when K was 14 months, what I did was water down her formula that she was getting at night and then I switched to just water at one point. I think I put half as much powder in it. She didn't like that, but still got up for it. Then, after a little while, I didn't offer her a bottle at all. Somehow, I got it down from 2 bottles at night, to 1 and then I just stopped offering her the bottle or only water. I think the whole process took maybe 3 weeks. I did go to her, and I just rocked her and she cried. And, then very shortly after that she stopped waking up. So, maybe that will work for you. But we also tried to let her CIO a bit too. After I got her to stop waking for bottles, if she would wake before 7, I would let her cry and she usually would go back to sleep on her own after a bit. I still try to stick to that because she does randomly still wake up - but very infrequently. My friend is in Chicago. I can find out the name though of her sleep coach as maybe she does remote conference calls. It was super quick and my friend is so happy now - she has all these big projects going on now that she is getting sleep! I do have to offer you a HUGE hug, and I know it's miserable to not get sleep. Seriously, I felt like a dark cloud lifted after I was able to sleep again, and I didn't realize the cloud was there until it was gone. I'm glad your DH is helping. Mine wasn't. We were kind of in an argument about it the whole time because he thought we should have CIO'ed at 4 months so he just slept and I took care of K at nights.

ETA, V is a cutie pie! Love, love, love her cheeks! She is super tall too!
 

Bella_mezzo

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Augh!!!! Bright, Ginny is getting so big. She's adorable!!!!!

I hear you on the sleep! E was sleeping 12 hours from 2 months until 5 months and then...hasn't slept through the night since. He's almost 14 months now and after we get back from traveling in April I think we're going to tackle this. One the one hand, I love nursing him at night and don't want to stop him from nursing, on the other hand I desperately need some sleep, and if we are going to try and have a third kid DH and I need some rest and some time as a couple! He typically wakes up at least twice a night to nurse, sometimes as many as five times, and he also wakes to fuss for a minute and then go back to sleep. Since he's still sleeping in our room, it means I wake up more times than I can count each night. Yesterday I fell asleep sitting up and holding my kindle in the middle of the day!

As far as infant vs toddler...I am changing my vote to infant being easier!

Pumping was labor intensive, and post-partum recovery took some time, but I had a relatively easy recovery, positive hormones, E slept better, was not mobile, and I could keep him safe.

Now, E doesn't sleep, is on the move, is into EVERYTHING, and has already had one ER visit.

In the past month alone he has:
-had his first ER visit (for falling over his own feet and slicing open his eyebrow on the edge of a chair rung)
-flushed DH's phone down the toilet
-dunked DH's keys in the toilet and then SUCKED ON THEM :errrr:
-pulled a biscuit out of our dog's mouth and ate it
-tripped over his own feet, whacked his face on the floor, and possibly damaged one of his bottom teeth (it was bleeding, but seems fine now so we are just supposed to watch it)
-throws a sh!t fit over any and every thing he doesn't like (have I mentioned that E is the most easygoing baby...until he's not, and then he's a completely out of control rageaholic)
-pulled out any and every outlet cover we try and put in

his favorite word is "No" and he says it all the time, complete with a Jerry Springer-esque finger wave and a "oh no, no, no, no, no" inflection. He can also say "dada" (which seems to mean mama or dada), "dadEE" (which means daddy), "cheese", "baye-BEE" (baby), and "bye-bye", and babbles constantly, but in general he says "no" for EVERYTHING.

right now, toddler is feeling way harder!
 
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