- Feb 20, 2003
This is so true! Having kids doesn't seem that hard for my male colleagues at all. One told me he sleeps great since he uses ear plugs.Bliss|1299008350|2862306 said:YES!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!! You are SO spot on!!!!!!!! TGal, as always... YES, YES AND YES! You hit the nail squarely on the head! At weeks 4-5, I really started to feel a sailor's despair. I imagine it's like being stranded out at sea - a rescue ship MIGHT come but you never know when. So you might starve or die of dehydration or exposure but either way, there is suffering for an indefinite period of time. And for some reason, when you're going through it, that period of time LOOKS LIKE FOREVER. OMG OMG OMG, it was HELL and who knows... that one magical night might have been a fluke. But those tiny spots of light give me hope.TravelingGal|1299004342|2862227 said:Bliss, I remember the first 6 weeks well. The pain of it has diminished some, but I still remember strongly the despair I felt. Like you, I didn't mince words when I was going through it. Obviously I still remember it VERY unfondly since I mentioned it on this thread and Sha's other one.
It DOES get better (assuming the child is health). That is a guarantee.
I will never forget how I felt - must have been week 5 or so. I mentioned it on PS at the time. It was pre-dawn, and the sun was about to come up and I was looking out the window. And I hated life. I didn't want to see the sun. I felt like it was like that movie Groundhog Day...an endless cycle of the same sh*t. And I just.couldn't.face.it. The despair I felt was because nothing I could do would prevent the sun from coming up and my life continuing as it was. I absolutely lost it around week 5...screamed my head off at TGuy and sobbed and sobbed. Then week 6 came, we moved the kid to her crib and I came out of the tunnel.
Hang in there. I read your post. I could have written it verbatim (minus the help part...believe it or not, I wanted to do everything without my mom, and I tried to breast feed for nearly 2 months with no milk...ridiculous) nearly 3 years ago.
I find that nothing can prepare you for the misery of that newborn stage. Some have it easier than others, but it is an enormous burden to be ENTIRELY responsible for another needy human's survival (and still manage to survive yourself), and until you go through it, you really have no idea.
HOW IN THE WORLD does no one talk about this??? I remember silently cursing a colleague at 4am one night because he'd misled me so egregiously. He'd had a newborn and told me that his life *barely* even changed. Said it was easy and so much FUN. I kept asking, "So no sleep deprivation? It's really that smooth?" And he beamed back, "Yes! It's the most fun I've ever had in my life!" So once I had my own bundle of fun, I was sobbing at 4am on DH's shoulder one morning wailing, "WHYYYYY ISN'T IT FUN FOR MEEEEEE?" Hahahaha. Yes, I know why. I now recall meeting his wife. She had hollowed out shells for eyes and looked like she hadn't washed her hair in weeks. It didn't register until now. Sure, life didn't change much...FOR HIM! But someone's clearly did!!! Ha! OMG! Another male friend of ours said his life didn't change much at all. I remember his wife rolling her eyes. Now I get it!!!!!!! At least DH is an equal partner in this.
Can someone tell me HOW PEOPLE WITH FEWER RESOURCES DO THIS??? All over the world? We're all educated women...we have it all... so how do people do it with far less? Single moms...moms with financial difficulties...moms with no support... HOW? Or are they just a heck of a lot more resourceful and stronger than I am? I keep thinking, "Am I soft???!!" Geez, I'm a tough cookie IRL. I really thought I could do it all - until a chubby little bald stranger showed me that I can't! THANK GOD IT GETS BETTER! The idea alone sustained me many of those long, dark and cold nights. Is it easier if you're using formula? I feel like that's the Shangri-La of situations because then you're not the SOLE provider of all things milky and comforting. But then again, how much easier is it to mix up powder and water when you can just whip out the boob with fresh milk on tap? I bet it's hard all around. OOF!