Nervous...seeking advice re: neighbor not impresed with dog

[larussel03]

ETA: some background: FI and I live in a 2 story dog friendly apartment complex on the first floor. We just moved in a little over a month ago.

So, tonight FI was taking our newish (2 year old adopted a month ago) dog out, and our neighbor happened to be coming in. He started a conversation with FI with "oh, do you live in apartment ###?, well just so you know, your dog has woken me up barking at night and early in the morning".

OK, I have heard her bark at night and early in the morning maybe 2 or 3 (honestly maximum 3) times since we got her (we just adopted her a month ago from the humane society) during the night when people would be sleeping...obvi b/c she woke us up, but she hasnt in at least a week or two, since she's now settling in and has decided to sleep in the living room (which is right next to our bedroom).

FI just said, "OK, we'll see what we can do" and then as he started to leave the man said "oh, and, when you leave, she scratches at the door for an hour". That kind of makes me mad b/c I know that she scratches for like a minute, but then once we're gone she doesnt (I have waited in earshot on many occasion and snuck back to peep in our windows and seen her walking around fine).

OK, I know apartment walls are thin...I mean really I can hear people walking around above me all the time all through the night. I have no idea what they're doing (honestly sometimes sounds like they're jumping on a trampoline or something!) but I wouldn't complain b/c that's just how it is in an apartment.

I mean, of course, I'm not there when FI and I are both gone, so she may scratch, but we just got her, she was abandoned, and she may have some separation anxiety and it'll take a little time to completely work out. He then concluded with saying "the walls are thinner than you think".

The scratching at the door, I really can't do anything about...she doesnt do any damage at all to the door, so I doubt she really scratches for an HOUR at a time (there is literally not a scratch left on the door...I think she scratches only for a min or two when we leave her alone). I've left and sat far away where I could still hear (by the font door) and she tends to stop after a minute or two...then when I come home she does not scratch, even though she hears me approaching and at that point is at the door.

Now I'm concerned that he may complain to the landlord, even though he didnt say if he would--we are allowed to have dogs, but the "pet occupancy" lease says that the "pet shall not be allowed to run at large, or disturb neighbors".

During the day she barks from time to time, but I'd think no more than any other dog her size (she's a medium sized dog, so the gal can bark loudly sometimes).

What can I do??

Should I get one of those collars that sprays them when they bark? That seems mean, but if he complains I may have to...maybe I can keep her out of the bedroom (his apt is adjacent to the wall of our bedroom).

Should I talk to the neighbor? FI thinks that's probably not best, but I dont know?

Should I talk to the landlord, and make clear our situation and for them to advise us if there are any complaints at all immediately so we can get the collar?

Or should I just wait and see if anything happens?

I just really really dont want to have to give up the dog...she was abandoned previously I dont want her to go through it again and we love her so much. I really dont think waht she does is different than any other dog, but if he complains that could possibly cause a problem.

Part of me wants to be defensive and be like "well, you moved into a complex where dogs are allowed," but I dont really feel that's the real issue here, and there are lots of other BIG doggies living around...maybe I'll drop in on one of these dog owners and ask if they've had any experience with this and what they did.

Im just worried and paranoid that he'll complain and cause us grief and possibly cause us to have ultimately give up our dog.

ETA...again: I swear I know how to spell impressed...haha

What should I do???

 

[diamondfan]

A dog that once in a while barks or scratches is not a nuisance. Dogs do these things and if you are allowed to have them, and she is not a menace to people (biting etc) I do not think you really have to worry. The neighbor might be an ass, but hopefully he is not that mean spirited. Maybe, if he lives adjacent to you, you have heard him too? You could smile sweetly and give it right back to him, like, Oh, yes, I know how thin the walls can be in an apartment, guess that just goes with the territory...since I know I hear you as well! Hoepfully, he will get the hint and drop it, and your dog will settle down to the point where he is not bothered. But, frankly, some people are just busy bodies and PITA''s, and apartments bring out the worst in those types!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/14/2006 10:14:41 PM
Author: diamondfan
A dog that once in a while barks or scratches is not a nuisance. Dogs do these things and if you are allowed to have them, and she is not a menace to people (biting etc) I do not think you really have to worry. The neighbor might be an ass, but hopefully he is not that mean spirited. Maybe, if he lives adjacent to you, you have heard him too? You could smile sweetly and give it right back to him, like, Oh, yes, I know how thin the walls can be in an apartment, guess that just goes with the territory...since I know I hear you as well! Hoepfully, he will get the hint and drop it, and your dog will settle down to the point where he is not bothered. But, frankly, some people are just busy bodies and PITA's, and apartments bring out the worst in those types!

Well, that's the thing, i dont think our walls are that thin b/c I don't hear him, but I never see him either...I think he's a grad student most likely who's not around except to sleep. I think we're the only apartment in our section with a dog, 2 are vacant right now, so it's probably quieter than it usually is. I actually think alot of our complex is occupied by students ranging from 20-s to early 30's. FI said this guy was prob late 20's early 30's.

I can hear EVERYTHING that goes on upstairs though, walking, jumping, whatever else they may be doing...they're also always on their deck drinking and gabbing, but I personally dont mind it, FI said no TV in the bedroom so their partying gives me something to listen to...

I just really hope that he doesn't cause problems for us with her. She gets better every day with anxiety and barking...I'm home alot now so I see it (I'm job searching). I also know that when I start working and being gone all day she may act up a bit till she gets used to it. I just really am nervous...maybe paranoid and it's for no reason YET but still..

 

[diamondfan]

I was just trying to make a point that you could give it right back to him. Even without a dog, living in an apartment involves being in close proximity to people, noises and all. I used to hear the tv blasting, our neighbors fighting (and making up, gag) and all kinds of stuff. That is part and parcel of living in an apartment. Even if you do not hear him, you hear others. If she is truly getting better and better just be nice to him, humor him a bit, and ask for his patience...

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/14/2006 10:35:30 PM
Author: diamondfan
I was just trying to make a point that you could give it right back to him. Even without a dog, living in an apartment involves being in close proximity to people, noises and all. I used to hear the tv blasting, our neighbors fighting (and making up, gag) and all kinds of stuff. That is part and parcel of living in an apartment. Even if you do not hear him, you hear others. If she is truly getting better and better just be nice to him, humor him a bit, and ask for his patience...

That''s a good point. I just get so nervous and defensive even though it''s likely that nothing will come of it.

 

[MINE!!]

Sweetpea.... Since this is a "dog Freindly " apt. this man has no say. However, it would be nice to think of your neighbor as well. Do you crate train your dog? Why do you have him running about in the apt, knowing that he is going to be scratching on the door when you leave? Also, has the dog barked in the middle of the night only 2 weeks ago? Just because someone has to live in an apt, does not mean that they have to put with that kind of inconvience.

We have to share the world with pets and their owners, yes.. and that is fine. I have a neighbor that has 4 dogs that bark at the drop of a dime.... ALL FRIGGIN DAY LONG!!!!.... Personally, I think a good owner would find out the cause of the incessanty barking. I would be satisfied if aa neighbor told me that they recongize that there is a problem and was tryin to solve it. Even if it were a lie, I would be satisfied... for a time. there are some people that could reprt this behavoir as a noise nusance,... however, I do not think, if things are exactly as you say, that this would entitel such a call. I am sure that you would like your neighbors to be considerate of your feelings, just as I understand you should be considerate of theirs as well. You do not want to listen to their "making up" but they do not want to wake up in the middle of the night to your dog yapping either.


I know it sounds harsh, but I think that probably you may have been defensive and have not considered yout neighbors feelings as well. He has just as much of a right to peace and quiet at 3 in the morning as you do.

ET: HOWEVER, I do unserstand that much of this behavoir is probably from seperation anxiety from your new ppch, did you explain this your neighbor as well, this may make him more sympathetic to the situation.

 

[monarch64]

Sweetpea, my suggestion would be to make friends with this guy. Invite him to your apartment for drinks/conversation/a movie/whatever...let him meet your doggie and establish that connection, if possible! When we first got our dog, we lived in an apartment, and luckily our next door neighbors were very understanding, because he was a tiny puppy. However, if we were in an apt. now with our dog (who is a beagle, and the breed is known for their, ahem, "melodic" voice--translate:LOUD, barking), they would''ve been pretty pissed. He barks a lot, and thankfully now our next door neighbors have a beagle mix themselves and don''t complain. We live on a corner lot, so we don''t have another neighbor on the other side to worry about.

I''m just thinking that if I were your neighbor, a guy who is just trying to get some sleep, I MIGHT be chastened by meeting you both and your dog (who is ruining my sleep schedule). While in that mindset, I think it''s also quite possible I could be plied with some bribery alcohol/borrowed DVDs/borrowed video games, etc. Hmmm...........

What''s his favorite pizza place nearby? Order one and invite him over!!!! He can''t be THAT bad...just a man in need of peaceful sleep. Not that you are doing anything wrong--you''re in a dog-friendly building and doing all you can to make sure you comply with the stipulations of your lease. Stuff happens, but it looks to me as though you will have to make an extra effort on your part to keep this dog in case your neighbor turns out to be a total butt head. Good luck!

 

[reader]

Crate training might not be a bad idea either.

 

[larussel03]

Hi MINE! and Monarch!!

No, I definately do not think the man is a bad man, I don't even know him. Heck, I've only seen him once. I just worry that he'll complain to people who can get my pooch booted. I personally did not get defensive with him b/c I've never seen him.

I am defensive, but in my defense

, I tend to get defensive as an afterthought. If anyone approaches me about something they dont like, my first reaction is immediate apologies and saying that I will try to work it out. Alot of the time I kick myself for this behavior b/c I tend to take the blame for things that are not my fault. It's later that I get defensive when I'm thinking about it, but it's too late to say anything (often for the better).

On crate training...I personally do not like it, and would only crate train if it were an extreme case. I know that many experts say it's not cruel, etc, but I just dont like it. I hope it doesnt come to that. I'm not saying it's wrong, by any means, but I just don't want to do that unless Im left with no other options. I may just try restricting her to one room ( the living room) so she only has one window not near any other apartments that's always closed), not near the door, etc with tall dog gates (the ones they sell at like pet supplies plus...she's not a jumper).

Her barking is less and less every day and the scratching...well...all I can say is our door has no marks on it, and when I leave I hear her whine and jump/scratch once or twice, but the last week I've been making an effort to be gone more to get her used to staying home alone, and I'm proud to say in the last week we've had incidents of me leaving without a whine. Often times if I leave her with a bone or a greenie, she'll sit far away from the door then not scratch upon my immediate leaving. I'm not sure if anything happens after I'm gone longer than 15 mins (the longest I've waited and listened).

FI thinks that this man is not mean, but had heard her bark before and just felt the need to say something.

Maybe I'll invite him over to meet her, but that makes me nervous...he seems to not be the most social person, but maybe he'd see it as a nice gesture. I dont know. Maybe it's b/c I'm from Boston where people are more cold and distant but inviting over a random neighbor seems wierd to me--do you think he'd respond well to it?

She's only waken me up (a light sleeper) 2 times barking and that was when we first got her. I say maybe 3 b/c maybe I forgot one...

Maybe he just heard it and it bugged him and he wanted to say something? I dont know, I hate the idea of making my neighbor unhappy, but I really dont think that she's doing anything abnormal...

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/14/2006 11:14:58 PM
Author: MINE!!
Sweetpea.... Since this is a 'dog Freindly ' apt. this man has no say. However, it would be nice to think of your neighbor as well. Do you crate train your dog? Why do you have him running about in the apt, knowing that he is going to be scratching on the door when you leave? Also, has the dog barked in the middle of the night only 2 weeks ago? Just because someone has to live in an apt, does not mean that they have to put with that kind of inconvience.

ET: HOWEVER, I do unserstand that much of this behavoir is probably from seperation anxiety from your new ppch, did you explain this your neighbor as well, this may make him more sympathetic to the situation.

I do think you make excellent points here...I think she's still getting used to us going in and out and I do not want to be like "tough, he has to deal with it", that's not me at all. I'd feel terrible if she were up all night barking, but to be honest, the nighttime barking *appears* to be ceasing, and if she barks during the day its usually until the rabbit or squirrel outside is gone.

I may go over and explain her situation to him, but maybe I'll wait till I encounter him first, like in passing in the halls. Then invite him over or offer him dinner or something like that. I feel soooo guilty causing someone enough aggrivation to complain about it, but then again to be honest I dont think she has caused a lot at all of trouble, but if he wanted to complain he certainly could...which worries me.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/14/2006 11:25:26 PM
Author: monarch64
Sweetpea, my suggestion would be to make friends with this guy. Invite him to your apartment for drinks/conversation/a movie/whatever...let him meet your doggie and establish that connection, if possible! When we first got our dog, we lived in an apartment, and luckily our next door neighbors were very understanding, because he was a tiny puppy. However, if we were in an apt. now with our dog (who is a beagle, and the breed is known for their, ahem, ''melodic'' voice--translate:LOUD, barking), they would''ve been pretty pissed. He barks a lot, and thankfully now our next door neighbors have a beagle mix themselves and don''t complain. We live on a corner lot, so we don''t have another neighbor on the other side to worry about.

I''m just thinking that if I were your neighbor, a guy who is just trying to get some sleep, I MIGHT be chastened by meeting you both and your dog (who is ruining my sleep schedule). While in that mindset, I think it''s also quite possible I could be plied with some bribery alcohol/borrowed DVDs/borrowed video games, etc. Hmmm...........

What''s his favorite pizza place nearby? Order one and invite him over!!!! He can''t be THAT bad...just a man in need of peaceful sleep. Not that you are doing anything wrong--you''re in a dog-friendly building and doing all you can to make sure you comply with the stipulations of your lease. Stuff happens, but it looks to me as though you will have to make an extra effort on your part to keep this dog in case your neighbor turns out to be a total butt head. Good luck!

Thanks Monarch! Maybe I could just bake some "sorry my dog bugged you" cookies and tell him that we''re working on it and to please bear with us until we get her figured out since she''s new. I def dont want to ruffle feathers, but maybe he''d understand more if he knew her personal circumstances.

 

[gailrmv]

Hi Sweatpea,
It sounds like you are on the right track and thinking of all the issues to ensure that your rights and your neighbors rights are all met.

One comment on crate training, while I respect your position, it can be very helpful to both owner and dog. We have two dogs from the humane society. My younger dog is about 2 yrs old and still gets a lot of separation anxiety. When we leave her out, she chews things she shouldn''t and has accidents. In her large crate, complete with many toys and a water bowl, she has things to keep her amused and she seems to feel more secure. We know she is safe and so is our house and belongings. It makes for a better situation for us and for her. Our older dog has never gotten into any trouble and she has free reign of the house. It really depends on each dog''s needs and personality, but crate training has been a blessing for us!

 

[lizz]

Crate training is perfectly humane (I felt the same way as you at first) and is actually preferred by dogs. If you do your research, you''ll find that dogs like to be in a den-like atmosphere. We did this with our lab puppy. She''s now 2 1/2 years old, and she lies on the doggie bed where her crate used to be every night. She has gotten used to it.

 

[VegasAngel]

At least the neighbor was nice enough to let you know face to face that your dog is being noisy. A pet friendly complex doesnt necessarily mean your neighbors should have to deal with a dog who is disruptive. When you are not home who knows what your dog is doing. If he/she is lonely it may bark, scratch etc.. continuously because of separation anxiety. I think crate training like the pp mentioned is a very good idea. It gives your dog it''s own space to be comfortable in. Make sure your dog has plenty of toys & maybe leave the T.V. or radio on when you are away. I am sure your dog''s anxiety will dissipate once he/she gets cozy with you and the new home I think it''s great you decided to rescue your new family member

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/14/2006 11:57:50 PM
Author: gailrmv
Hi Sweatpea,
It sounds like you are on the right track and thinking of all the issues to ensure that your rights and your neighbors rights are all met.

One comment on crate training, while I respect your position, it can be very helpful to both owner and dog. We have two dogs from the humane society. My younger dog is about 2 yrs old and still gets a lot of separation anxiety. When we leave her out, she chews things she shouldn't and has accidents. In her large crate, complete with many toys and a water bowl, she has things to keep her amused and she seems to feel more secure. We know she is safe and so is our house and belongings. It makes for a better situation for us and for her. Our older dog has never gotten into any trouble and she has free reign of the house. It really depends on each dog's needs and personality, but crate training has been a blessing for us!

Hi Gailrmv! I am willing to entertain crate training, but I'd like to try other avenues first...she seems to be getting more and more secure every day (I base this on her not following us around and her sleeping in another room when her bed is actually in our room and her being more quiet than before) and doesnt chew (thank goodness, since I just moved here and bought a new couch). I have so many friends who swear by crate training and I am not experienced with it (my parents always had rescue dogs who never chewed, etc...we had one with sep. anxiety but he got over it after a month or two of us going in and out). I will not be close minded to it, but I'll do it as a last resort just b/c I'd l ike her in theory to be fine in the apartment.

We'll see how it goes.

I really appreciate everyone's opinions and honesty, and I do truely respect everyone's opinions and will consider all my options as need be! Keep it coming!!!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2006 12:05:01 AM
Author: VegasAngel
At least the neighbor was nice enough to let you know face to face that your dog is being noisy. A pet friendly complex doesnt necessarily mean your neighbors should have to deal with a dog who is disruptive. When you are not home who knows what your dog is doing. If he/she is lonely it may bark, scratch etc.. continuously because of separation anxiety. I think crate training like the pp mentioned is a very good idea. It gives your dog it''s own space to be comfortable in. Make sure your dog has plenty of toys & maybe leave the T.V. or radio on when you are away. I am sure your dog''s anxiety will dissipate once he/she gets cozy with you and the new home I think it''s great you decided to rescue your new family member

Awww thanks! I love her so much! I can''t beleive anyone would just leave her in an abaondoned house the way they did!!

I think first step will be bring cookies to neighbor, make nice.

Second will be to close bedroom door and gate off area around front door so she''s restricted to living room only.

Third will be if she is getting any complaints to crate train her. It''s funny b/c I asked FI if he thought that it''d make her sad, and he said "no" then said "but then again I couldnt imagine licking my a$$ either" haha.

I think we''ll figure it out, I just am a huge worry wart.

 

[Morticia]

Sweetpea, no way do you have to get rid of your dog. Don''t even worry about that.

I hear my neighbors dog here and there. It happens. If she barks once in a while, too bad for him, and I highly doubt she scratches for an hour. You would know b/c your door would be a mess. But I do think it''s good to make nice with your neighbor and possibly talk to him, as the others have suggested, and let him know her history. Make a point to tell him that she''s getting better everyday. Another thing I would suggest is possibly taking her for a good long walk before you leave for the day or before you go out. That way she''s nice and sleepy and will probably nap while you are gone.

I think it''s so nice that you and your FI adopted your pup. Good luck!!

 

[AmberWaves]

Sweetpea, I know exactly what you''re going through, almost two years ago we had been in our "pet friendly" apt for 3 months, when we bought a dachshund puppy at 8 weeks old. We were crate training him, and because he still needed another round of shots we couldn''t take him out to potty. He slept in his crate, covered- in the bedroom with us for a few weeks. The day after we got him there was a note on our door saying "the poor dog was crying all day" even though we were home ALL day and he didn''t whine at all. And we had another one later that said he was barking for hours, even though we did the same trick you did. This made me so paranoid because the notes were anonymous. We kept trying to figure out who the "dog hater" was. Granted, Woofie would wake up crying in the middle of the night for a week, but that''s why we kept him in the room with us, so I could stop it quickly.I can''t tell you how many nights I sat on the corner of the bed with my hand on the crate telling him to shush.

But, I''d rather have a semi-sleepless night than have neighbors complaining. Once he was broken of that night-crying, we moved him into his "room", the kitchen. Now he only sleeps in his crate, willingly, and runs to the kitchen and hops on his mat when we leave. Sure, it was rough going the first few weeks, I was almost ready to give him up at points because our landlord DID stop by, but when he saw how good and quiet and small woofie was in his crate he was like, yeah, I see no problem. But at one point after the two notes were received, I posted a note on our door saying, "We have a new puppy, he is only two months old and still being trained. YES he will whine and cry and tend to bark when he''s curious, but again, he is still in the process of aclimating to his new home. Please bear with us while we work this out. Many thanks." Not only did this help us figure out which neighbors didn''t hate him (some knocked on the door to say it was okay, and some signed the note giving their "permission"), but it let them know we were considering their feelings. We''re still not entirely sure who posted the coward notes, but so far, so good. I wish you luck and just wanted to share my experience. At least you don''t have to potty train!!

 

[diamondfan]

Crate training is not cruel as long as the crate is not used as a punishment. Dogs actually love it, my one year old dog goes in her crate to chill during the day. They feel safe in it and like it usually. Inviting him over is not a bad idea, if he seems nice, maybe he does not have a lot of friends and is a bit lonely, which is why he is so focused on other stuff around him. And while no one likes to get woken up, a siren could go by, something could get knocked over and make a crashing sound...there are noises that occur in the night sometimes, and unless your dog is just constantly doing this, I really think, even if it is a pain, that that is life and he needs to get over it.

 

[pricescope]

Sweetpea try to stick some peanut butter deep inside Kong and walk around your app complex to listen if she is barking.
Peanut batter works wonders as pacifier for hours and then a dog is tired and distracted and forgot you left.

 

[fire&ice]

Restricting the dog to one room with the door closed is more cruel than crating. A dog understands a crate/den. A dog doesn''t understand a closed door room.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2006 10:19:15 AM
Author: fire&ice
Restricting the dog to one room with the door closed is more cruel than crating. A dog understands a crate/den. A dog doesn''t understand a closed door room.

If we do not end up crateing, do you think it''s ok to keep her out of one room then? The bedroom window is directly next to the other apartment, so if we keep that shut she can walk around but not go in that room?

After everyone''s comments, I am willing to crate train if the neighbor continues to be bothered after I go to visit him. It''s funny b/c last night I was so nervous that every time she''d get up either in the other room (I can hear her ears flap when she shakes) or in our room from her bed to go into the living room I''d wake up. She didnt even go to the window once though, so i''m thinking the nighttime barking may be ceasing. As for the AM, we just have to take her for her "w" as soon as we get up so she wont bark to ask for it.

 

[pricescope]

Don't make barking a method for "asking for" too sweetpea, even in your own head because it will translate to her automatically.
Every time she barks try to turn your back to her and see what happened. In my experience it never failed, especially with dogs with separation anxiety - they need your attention more than anything and if barking "turns you off" so be it.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/15/2006 10:58:55 AM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*

If we do not end up crateing, do you think it''s ok to keep her out of one room then? The bedroom window is directly next to the other apartment, so if we keep that shut she can walk around but not go in that room?

Okay - I just have to say this becaue I thought it right away and now I wonder even more.... are you certain that the pointed "the walls are thinner than you think" could refer to more than just the dog?

 

[diamondsrock]

oh do I feel your pain on this one! If you search through my posts you''ll see the situation I was in this summer with my neighbors. At least he had the decency to tell you in a straightforward way, my neighbor wrote a nasty note and left it on my door accusing me of knowing there was a barking problem and doing nothing to solve it (

I had no idea by the way that there was a problem because nothing was ever said to me).

That part you mentioned about being defensive after the fact is exactly how I am. I was apologizing up and down when I confronted them because I really was in shock that they were that upset (or upset at all actually since nothing was ever said.) Then I came home in tears thinking the whole neighborhood hated us (it was just these two neighbors, by the way, with the problem.) Then I beat myself up for letting something like that happen. Then later on I became defensive about it as I realized other dogs bark too when people walk by their house. (I go for walks often and hear dogs barking when I walk by. It''s something that dogs do!)

Sometimes people have a tendency to exaggerate things. My neighbors made it sound like my dog barked all the time when she didn''t. And I know she didn''t becasue I was home when she barked. When we were out of the house she sleeps in her crate and doesn''t make a noise. I used to let her look out the window and when she saw people jogging by or walking their dogs she would bark at them. There isn''t much foot traffic on my street so it wasn''t often. But they made it sound like it was all day, etc.. Probably the same thing going on with your neighbor. He''s generalizing and saying it happens more often than it does. This must be a human trait to get their point across effectively.

I have her in the crate when we''re not home mainly because I don''t know what she''ll do to the house. I felt badly at first too then I realized she actually went in on her own when she knew I was leaving. Sometimes she goes in by herself even when I''m home. My friend felt bad about crating so decided to leave the crate door open when she left the house. Her dog now sleeps in the crate on her own with the door open. I think they like to have their own den. It''s comforting. So don''t be hesitatant to give it a try. I think you''ll find it calms her down actually and makes her feel safe.

As long as you do whatever you can to solve any perceived problems then that''s all you can do. I have changed my dog''s daily routine and don''t let her look out the window to appease my neighbors. I feel badly about it as this was major entertainment for her but to keep peace I will continue to do it. She hardly barks now. They haven''t said anything to me about her improved behavior either not that I would expect anything. Generally we just don''t speak to each other anymore which is pretty sad and I would hate to see your situation turn into that. So just do what you can and continue to be nice to him when you see him. That''s about all you can do. I wouldn''t go overboard by inviting him over but that''s just me (I''m from Mass. too). Good luck and let us know what happens!

 

[Mara]

even as a dog owner, i gotta admit that a barking dog in the middle of the day or night just drives me nuts. we have these 2 labs down the street who hang out on the patio and bark for like 30 minutes sometimes. it's like come on people, be considerate of your neighbors? sure sometimes you just can't help it but in an small thin walled apartment i can totally understand why many times dogs weren't allowed. of course if you want a dog it's a responsibility on you to be a good dog parent.

first off for me personally, i would not give up my dog based on where i lived or if i had a bad neighbor. if things got bad i would just move. because the dog for me is like a family member and you don't just slough it off when it gets too hard to handle. and i'm not saying you are doing that at all but in your post you mentioned 'i'd really hate to give up the dog but'...and for me that just wouldn't even be an option. i'd make the mental committment to fix these issues that the dog has and really work on it...that will also give you no way 'out' other than to fix what's wrong.

if the dog is getting better i would just not even worry about this neighbor as the issue. many times people are passive aggressive where they want to tell you how they feel but they would not go so far as to complain about you because then you would know and it just can turn ugly. sometimes people just want to be HEARD about how they feel. it's good that your fiance was pacifying about the dog when the neighbor mentioned this stuff to him, because maybe that's all he needed.

as for how to work on the dog, you have some suggestions here, i would definitely suggest getting a baby gate and putting it up in a main room for the dog. i would not let my dog run through the house and i don't now, esp if it was a door scratcher, that is a personal pet peeve of mine...hahaa. my girlfriend has a door scratcher dog and her place is all scratched up from him deciding he wants to get out. portia gets gated in the main family room and kitchen area where the couch is and her bed and her food and water and she has multiple places to chill out and look outside etc. sometimes i baby gate just the upstairs so she can go downstairs when we're gone and lay in the sun by the french doors. but i close all doors like to bathrooms or closets so she can't get in. part of having a pet to me is helping them be the best dogs they can. that includes not giving them weird temptations or allowing them to go in areas where they might do something and cause trouble. if portia was a plant digger, i wouldn't allow her to be downstairs in the sun while we were gone because we have plants down there she'd dig into (something she did as a puppy but grew out of). if you know the dog's triggers, try to help her avoid them...by setting her up for success. doing the kong thing with PB could be a way..also doing more separation anxiety training..you can actively work on this maybe one day a week by leaving and coming back, leaving and coming back, leaving and coming back, not greeting the dog upon arrival for a few minutes, making it seem like 'hey its not a big deal when i leave OR when i come back because i do it all the time'. OR when you leave in the mornings for work, jazz it up a bit and do a leave and come back a few times 2x a week or something. i always give portia a treat when i leave because she loves food and she think oh boy i'm getting a treat and then by the time she is done eating it, i have been gone for a few minutes and she literally forgets i was just there. dogs are very 'in the moment'.

as for making friends with the neighbor, to me that would make no difference to the real situation. we are friendly with a few guys that party down our block but when they get too loud, i call the police. of course i dont TELL them i call the police but at 2am when they are hooting down the street i am thinking you know i don't care if we really like you guys, this is insane and i shouldn't have to tell you this so i'll let the COPS tell you. and after a few times of that, they got better.

so for me if i was friends with someone who was annoying me it wouldn't really make a difference as to how i reacted if the nuisance got out of control.

the problem is really not this guy who spoke up to your fiance...it's the dog and her behavior. of course you know this so that's a huge step in and of itself. sometimes dog owners are horrified...what you mean MY DARLING DOG barks?! never! but i think if you just work towards continuing to fix the problems the dog has then you'll just be doing everyone a favor...this guy randomly included. good luck!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2006 1:40:12 PM
Author: Mara
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first off for me personally, i would not give up my dog based on where i lived or if i had a bad neighbor. if things got bad i would just move. because the dog for me is like a family member and you don't just slough it off when it gets too hard to handle. and i'm not saying you are doing that at all but in your post you mentioned 'i'd really hate to give up the dog but'...and for me that just wouldn't even be an option. i'd make the mental committment to fix these issues that the dog has and really work on it...that will also give you no way 'out' other than to fix what's wrong.
I think I was unclear in my post or rather wasn't really thinking clearly...I really have no intention of giving her up, but I don't want it to come to a point where someone is so mad that they say that they'll try to make us, or that we get an ultimatum. I can't imagine that this is an uncommon occurance with dogs, and I'd hate to imagine what would happen if she were a constant really bad barker.

if the dog is getting better i would just not even worry about this neighbor as the issue. many times people are passive aggressive where they want to tell you how they feel but they would not go so far as to complain about you because then you would know and it just can turn ugly. sometimes people just want to be HEARD about how they feel. it's good that your fiance was pacifying about the dog when the neighbor mentioned this stuff to him, because maybe that's all he needed.
She is getting better which is promising, I don't think that this will turn into a huge issue ultimately.

The thing that kinda miffs me about this situation is that when she had barked at night it was literally just a woof or two (which still should not happen and it's inappropriate, but he made it out as though it's continuous barking)...not even lasting a minute, and when we're around if she barks, she doesnt bark for very long. I can't say what goes on when we're not around during the week, but this guy is most likely not referring to that b/c he's at work or lab as well. Yes the barking is disturbing (obvi I know since she woke us up as well) and I'm sorry that she's waken him, but he kinda made it out like she does it every night and every morning and that she barks for like an hour. Which is completely untrue, and to be honest I can't even tell you what morning or evening it was b/c she hasnt done it in a couple weeks (we've had her for around 4 weeks).


I hate when people exaggerate like that b/c it makes people who know your exaggerating get defensive and I think is distracting from the real issue. Had he said "I heard your dog barking late at night once or twice, can you try to control it" that would be different, but his approach seemed passive aggressive and exaggerated. And I do feel bad, I hate thinking anyone is unhappy with me or my dog, but we are taking steps to correct it, and she responds pretty well so far.


the problem is really not this guy who spoke up to your fiance...it's the dog and her behavior. of course you know this so that's a huge step in and of itself. sometimes dog owners are horrified...what you mean MY DARLING DOG barks?! never! but i think if you just work towards continuing to fix the problems the dog has then you'll just be doing everyone a favor...this guy randomly included. good luck!

I know the problem isnt the guy, but I just don't want this to turn into a problem...most likely it will not but still...moving apartment complexes would not solve the problem either, we have to nip it in the bud ourselves b/c if we let her become a disruptive dog she'll do it anywhere. Right now I'd say she's not disruptive but she barks from time to time...do I need to get nervous every time she barks now? I mean dogs do bark from time to time and I never really personnally thought of her as a bad barker from the day we got her...she'd just sometimes choose to do it at inappropriate times, which is seeming to stop as she adjusts.

ETA: Thanks for the advice, Mara, Fi and i are def going to try to work this out so everyone can be happy. I decided to highlight your points and comment under them instead of down here, easier to read probably. I do agree with all these points, though, and hopefully we can work it all out. I'm a HUGE worry wart when it comes to things like this b/c a) I dont want to have people threatening to get the landlord involved and b)I dont want anyone unhappy with FI and I, we really are reasonably quiet people who dont want to cause a huge thing.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2006 12:43:26 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 10/15/2006 10:58:55 AM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*

If we do not end up crateing, do you think it''s ok to keep her out of one room then? The bedroom window is directly next to the other apartment, so if we keep that shut she can walk around but not go in that room?

Okay - I just have to say this becaue I thought it right away and now I wonder even more.... are you certain that the pointed ''the walls are thinner than you think'' could refer to more than just the dog?

eek, I certainly hope not...I doubt it though

, I do try to be considerate when at home (not yelling or being loud period haha)

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2006 1:10:49 PM
Author: diamondsrock

That part you mentioned about being defensive after the fact is exactly how I am. I was apologizing up and down when I confronted them because I really was in shock that they were that upset (or upset at all actually since nothing was ever said.) Then I came home in tears thinking the whole neighborhood hated us (it was just these two neighbors, by the way, with the problem.) Then I beat myself up for letting something like that happen. Then later on I became defensive about it as I realized other dogs bark too when people walk by their house. (I go for walks often and hear dogs barking when I walk by. It's something that dogs do!)

Sometimes people have a tendency to exaggerate things. My neighbors made it sound like my dog barked all the time when she didn't. And I know she didn't becasue I was home when she barked. When we were out of the house she sleeps in her crate and doesn't make a noise. I used to let her look out the window and when she saw people jogging by or walking their dogs she would bark at them. There isn't much foot traffic on my street so it wasn't often. But they made it sound like it was all day, etc.. Probably the same thing going on with your neighbor. He's generalizing and saying it happens more often than it does. This must be a human trait to get their point across effectively.

I'm so glad to hear from someone going through almost the exact same thing...I was really upset last night thinking he hated us (which is likely not the case) but then I think about it and I'm like she REALLY isn't a bad barker though and it gets even better daily...maybe when we first got her he got p.o.'ed and has been waiting to encounter us to say something. In that case maybe it just built up in his head.

I think maybe it's not straight out exaggerating but maybe some people just really have a low tolerance for things like that...I personally used to live in the city, where ambulances went by every day and every night, people were always yelling, there were always noises, but it doesnt really bother me much personally. That was one of the things I liked about living in the city.

The thing I worry most with crateing is that she's 2 already...would it be too late to crate train a 2 year old dog?

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2006 11:41:40 AM
Author: Pricescope
Don''t make barking a method for ''asking for'' too sweetpea, even in your own head because it will translate to her automatically.
Every time she barks try to turn your back to her and see what happened. In my experience it never failed, especially with dogs with separation anxiety - they need your attention more than anything and if barking ''turns you off'' so be it.

I just saw this now--I try to make sure that barking is not rewarded, maybe that''s why she gets better, but the separation anxiety is likely to persist for a little while. Growing up we''ve always adopted rescue dogs (adult ones) and our last one would cry and bark at my parents'' door when we left for school or them for work, for about a month or two, but then he just stopped. I''m hoping that that will happen with her.