Need to get some perspective

[anchor31]

Wow, that sounds like quite a trip!! I''m so jealous!

You''re a very brave girl, bravo!

 

[decodelighted]

HURRAY for Plunge-taking!

I can't be much help on your stops so far ... except that I'm dying to go all those places myself!

Couple tips: I found the American Express offices everywhere I went to be great at recommendations: local tours, etc. If I couldn't find a tourist office or what have you ... I went to the nearest AMEX.

Everywhere I went in Italy I could get by on Traveler's Guide type Italian, as most folks had at least passing English. "Excuse me" was my most often used word "Scuzi" I think ... something like that. Especially in lines for museums, trains, buses etc ... i was always bumping into people accidently! Silly American Tourist!

Going to any "tourist stops" you'll find - crazy I know

- OTHER tourists! Hooking up with families or groups or even other singles can be a great way to get other recommendations & some "group" time - aside from the "solo" time.

Dinner time was the only time I had any pangs of "Geez, I'm by myself". The hotels you're staying are probably promising for some eve. meals if you end up feeling the same way. My solution was to eat at restraunts at lunch time & then snack in the eves from take out stand type of places ... then sit in a town square or by the water etc to "dine with a view". I also liberally used the "bring something to read with you" manuever in cafes.

Yea!!! Congrats!! Can't wait to hear more as it develops.


ETA: One last tip... make sure your backpack doesn't look like a cockroach.

 

[blueroses]

Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be a wonderful whilrwind for you!! I am going to e-mail my dear friend who''s lived in Italia and see if she has any thoughts in addition to the amazing tips you''re getting here already.


WOOHOO!!

 

[Allisonfaye]

I am jealous too. We were going to try to go again after I found out I was pregnant again but it was just too hard, taking my daughter who was 13 months at the time and me being preggers. I don''t think it is all that kid friendly there. Sidewalks are not stroller friendly. I don''t recall seeing little kids about like you do here. So we decided to wait. I salivate at the thought and I can''t wait to go again. Must wait til the kiddies are a little older.


Just be careful, being alone and all. Don''t dress like an American. You should start a new thread exclusively dedicated to your travels.

 

[SoonIHope]

YAY I''m so excited for you!!!

You will have an absolutely amazing time and you''d BETTER come back with a zillion pictures!

Since you like archaeology, I want to point out one church (I know, sorry!

) that I highly recommend! It''s called San Clemente and it''s a short walk from the Colosseum but it is SO COOL b/c it''s the 3rd (or 4th?) church (slash ancient Roman temple) built on that site, and you can go down levels under the ground to see the older ones! There''s a murder mystery book (forget what it''s called) that takes place in the lower levels and every time I go and get deeper under the ground in the dark hallways I get a pleasantly spooky feeling.

In any case, it''s very cool and a slightly less well known tourist destination! And a very concise way to look back at all the layers of history in the city.

HAVE AN AMAZING TIME!!!!

If you have any more specific questions, let us know!!!

ETA: here''s a site with a little bit of the history if you''re interested: http://www.initaly.com/regions/latium/church/clemente.htm

 

[TravelingGal]

Wow Ally...good for you...I''m proud of you for taking the plunge!

That being said, it''s time to do some research. Things aren''t too fun when you plop down and have no idea what is going on. Out of curiosity, why do you have you heart set on sicily? It''s not often a stop for a first timer in Italy. I have heard it is as Italian as it gets though...which also means more forward Italian men.

Speaking of which, there is a reason that stereotype exists...there are some seriously forward men out there! I got harassed by a guy who kept telling me he was "the love doctor" which was kind of amusing until he wouldn''t leave. I just finally ducked into a shop and the salesperson shooed him away.

Here''s a trip report form fodors on Sicily. This guy is a bit older, but as been around the boards for along time and often puts together itineraries for people. http://fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=34620334 I would highly recommend you start searches for areas of interest for you.

The only town I have been to from your selections is Sorrento, so I won''t be able to help you much on the others. Is there any specific reason you''ve chosen to stay at hiltons? I checked out your hotel in Sorrento and it has good reviews on tripadvisor.com. However, two things to think about:

It is a walk into town. probably 10 or 15 minutes. However, if my guess is correct, you will be walking downhilll into town and uphill back. Believe me, the amalfi coast is hilly! This may get old after awhile, plus lots of things you will want to see is in Old Sorrento. Not sure if you can catch the bus from other places, but the bus to positano, etc is in the old town. Will you be taking the train from Naples to Sorrento, or arranging transfer for the hour drive?

Second thing about staying in hotels like this: it''s hard to meet people, although not impossible.

Personally, while hotels like this offer very "north american" amenities, i.e. larger rooms, better customer service, etc, I just prefer the local flavor of a smaller hotel...even if it means a cramped room. One traveling style isn''t better than another...just different and I didn''t know what was more important to you...to get a feel of a place, or be in a nice comfy hotel room so you can get proper rest and you''ll get the "feel" of the place another way!

And speaking of backpacks (har har, btw deco...) I don''t think you need to take one. A small rolling suitcase should be fine. If there is ANY advice I can give you, please heed this one...throw everything on your bed that you want to pack, and then get rid of half of it. Pack light, pack light, pack light! Harder to do in winter, but believe me, it can be done. If you plan on taking any trains, you will be very glad you packed light.

As for dinners alone...go out to a cafe and bring a good book. A cute gal like you won''t be hard pressed for company, believe me.

Tips on the area: Pompeii, just make sure you know what the hours and days of operation are! And if you can, read up about it beforehand...it will make it more interesting. You''ll find they do run out of their free english brochures on site...which may be fine since you know french. I took a spanish one and tried to translate. Ercolano is also good, but if I were to choose just one, it would be pompeii. The stuff that was well preserved in Ercolano I believe has been taken offsite somewhere...maybe a museum in Naples.

Secondly, you will find that many shopkeepers/restaurants will volunteer to charge your card in Canadian dollars. Say no. Your credit card bank will almost always give you the best rate. Also, if you don''t already have a 4 digit pin number on your cards, change it (I had a 7 digit for the longest time). Most European atms only recognize 4 digits. If there are any letters in your pin, know the numeric equivalent...atms usually also only have numbers.

I think a trip to positano is a must. And personally, I''d do the hike up the steps where you can get amazing views. The restaurant on the beach there I heard is a tourist trap, but I still think it would be nice to do, since the views are nice. You should spend a few days exploring the towns on the coast...positano and amalfi, and if you can, ravello. There are other small ones along the way. Of course, you will have to save a day for Capri, since that is on your list.

With only 4 days in the area, you won''t be able to see everything...trust me. But if you plan it all right, you certainly can see most of the things you want to see.

Let me know if you want to start researching restaurants or anything for you. There was only one restaurant that I remember being fab, but it was in positano. No views to recommend it, but really yummy. We hiked about 1000 steps to get to it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Ally another good trip report for you...this person stayed at the hotel you booked in sorrento and gives her account of pompeii and amalfi...

http://fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2

 

[oshinbreez]

I''m so excited for you. The trip sounds fantastic. You will have such a great time. When are you leaving?

 

[CrownJewel]

OOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!

So excited that you BOOKED the trip!! This will be something you''ll remember forever, and you''ll learn so much about Italy and about YOURSELF!! I''ve always wanted to travel to Europe on my own. Guess what Ally?! I''m going to sign up for an MCAT prep course

, (starts next week) and then I''m going to apply to med school! Thanks for your advice. It seems I kept scaring myself into thinking I''m not good enough to be a doctor, even though I''ve never tried.

YAY FOR GIRLS TAKING CHARGE!

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone!

BUT big news. MY DAD CAME HOME YESTURDAY NIGHT!

My cats had a frantic meow-fest when they saw him. I''m so happy. My family had a sit down dinner for the first time in so long.

The only thing still up in the air, is the cardio grade (which incidently, the news out yesturday was that the class average was 40%

And let''s call him J. Saw him yesturday, and he asked me if it was him, the theater, or dinner that I wasn''t intrested in. Ok. I have to admit it. I admire tenacity. I admire confidence. And I find him very, very attractive. Which obviously, may not be a good thing, considering my past history. But I think it would be wrong to judge a book by it''s cover right? So I told him to ask me again on Monday if he was still intrested (now I''m proud of myself. No blushing, and I was utterly confident back. I don''t know this is demon-Ally now. Don''t know where this stuff comes from). He just smiled and said he would.

And look at that. I think I was flirting

. I just have to decide if I''m going to go. I''ve been overanalyzing the word "dating" what does this mean. Do I have to write and email to M? Or can I just tell J it''s friendly nothing more. Debating the morality of it all. But you know what. It''s fun. It''s different to think of something else other then what I''ve always been thinking about. So even the little dilemma is a relief from the constant stress.

I''m happy. Sometimes it''s hard, but I think that when you have a good day where you feel like you can handle everything, you need to grab on to it, because I''m sure there''s more bad ahead.

Deco: Thanks for all the tips! I always thought the backpack looked like a scary goth girl with pale skin and funny, stringly black hair

. I think TG avatar is one of the most misunderstood on PS. Silly question, but is the AMEX some sort of travel help booth? I''m not American though so let me know.

Blueroses: Hello my dear. I obviously love getting all tips. At this point, I''m in the gathering phase, (this is before I''m going to make computer generated scheduale as it goes along.)

Albi: I''m definitely going to the church you mentioned. It''s exactly what I was looking for in terms of advice.

AllisonFaye: I think that''s the thing about Europe, there''s a period of time in your life that it becomes more difficult to travel to the places you want to go, because of children. But I think showing your kids Europe when they are old enough to appreciate it is a really amazing gift. I am going to be careful. I''m a cautious person by nature. I''m not American though, although I always think of Canadians as having similar style.

Oshinbreez: Hello! I''m leaving on December 22 (right after my last exam. So I''m going to be away from home for Christmas.) This is a first for me because I''m usually the organizer of the festivities, but my family understands that I need the time for myself.

TG: I don''t have a credit card so I was thinking of travelers checks. I''m going to have to discuss that with my travel agent on Monday. I chose the Hilton because I always stay at the Hilton. I''m really good about all sorts of issues, bad food, no food, getting lost, bad transpo, but I can''t make do with lodging. I''m going to bring walking shoes though. No stiletto heels I''m so fond of (

).

I''m not a big eater. Even at home. Give me 1/2 a sandwhich and a bottle of water and I''m good to go. But one of my main goals is to find a cafe and people watch

Positano sounds perfect. I''m going to add that too. Even if I have to hike. Oops I forgot to ask, for the travel from Rome to Sorrento, do you reccommend bus, train? I''m not really worried about cost, just safety and feeling at ease with the transfer? I want to book that to assure that it''s not going to be a problem.

PS: that forum (is it considered a forum?) I''m spending too much time dissecting the material. Thank you

CrownJewels: I am thrilled for you! It''s a big first step, and the first is always the hardest. Which course are you doing? I took Kaplan and it was excellent. Although I''ve heard good things about the Princeton review. Would you be comfortable sharing a little bit of your story? Med school wise?

I think (as a former undergrad and grad student) it''s important not to compare yourself to other people. When I was an undergrad EVERYBODY in my program had a 4.0 average. That''s why I didn''t apply. Then later as a TA I talked to a lot of students and realized that oops everybody only SAYS they have a 4.0.

. Since I was giving the grades, I realized that it''s hyper-competitive and people try to psych each other out. And look at that. I was psyched out.

 

[anchor31]

Yay! I''m so happy your dad is home!! The cats meow fest made me laugh... I adore cats.

Flirting is fun isn''t it? I know I''ve said it before and I''ll say it again: I don''t think you owe anything to M at this point. If you want to date J (as long as it''s not my J...

), as friends or more, do it.

I''m so excited about your trip!

 

[appletini]

Ally! I'm proud of you for maintaining your composure with a hottie and flirting! I think this is a huge step for you and you will begin to come out of your shell. I think for all practical purposes "dating" should be defined as going on multiple dates with the same person. "Dating" does not have to mean that you are exclusive with that person. I say if you contact "M" at all regarding "dating" just do it over email that way he won't have the opportunity to send you on a guilt trip b/c lets face the facts...you are single and beautiful.

Also have a blast on your Italy trip and make the most of it. Do everything you can. Also check out www.foodnetwork.com I'm sure they'll have some great tips on there for all kinds of budgets (especially Rachel Ray's tasty travels).

ETA: I'm glad your dad is home!

 

[Julian]

Ally, I am so proud of you!!!!

You are a beautiful woman inside and out -- and you deserve nothing but the best. I am so glad that you are choosing to follow your bliss. I hope the Universe rewards you and helps you along for having an open heart.

OK, that having been said... go buy the book Eat Pray Love! It is life changing! I happened to pick it up in the bookstore and it is a true story about one woman''s heartbreak that turned into sheer joy. She went on many travels as well -- and lived in Rome for a year. She details her travels there and all of the wonderful places to visit.

I know you''ll love it!!!! And good luck to you!!!!

 

[oshinbreez]

Ally,

Your last post has me grinning ear to ear. I''m so glad your dad is finally home. Take good care of him.....I''m sure you will. I imagine the cats will also give him lots of attention and love. Animals work wonders on helping someone recuperate.

I''m only gonna say this once. Maybe

Go out with J. You said you''ve always wanted to go to the theatre. You''ll enjoy it. Then, go out with anyone else that you want. Play the field for awhile. I have a feeling men are going to be crawling out of the woodwork to go out with you. Enjoy flirting and being flirted with. It IS fun.

Italy at Christmas sounds like soooooo much fun. Will you celebrate with your family before or after your trip? Be sure to take a pretty dress with you. Got a feeling you''ll need one.

You "sound" happy.

You deserve it. Have a great day.

 

[KimberlyH]

Yay for you, ally. So glad your dad is home and the cats are happy!

Go out with J, have a wonderful time. Don''t email M, what you are doing is not immoral, it''s dinner and theatre with an acquaintance and you don''t owe M an explanation. I understand your need to keep promises, but only when they are not harmful to you, and this one is.

 

[CrownJewel]

Hi Ally! Very good to hear your dad is home! It must have been quite the homecoming with all the meowing!!

As for J, (and your promise to M), I think whether or not it is a "date" is a gray area. You promised not to date anyone else. I go out to see movies and have dinner or drinks with my close guy friends. Some guys and girls are not comfortable with that. But I don''t consider that dating. They are my guy friends, and we talk about my boyfriend and their girlfriends. So you want to go to the theatre. You got an invitation. I say go, as friends. You won''t be dating until you go out with him regularly and become emotionally (not just physically) attracted to him.

But like I said, different people have different comfort levels with "hanging out" vs. "dating." Whatever you decide, I don''t think you should run it by M. This is your decision.

Oh, and I absolutely feel comfortable telling you all about myself! But not in this thread! Maybe we should start a med-student thread. For now though, be happy!!! Your dad is home and you''re a successful flirt!

 

[decodelighted]

YAHOO! So much good news! So happy fo'' ya!

I agree with the others that "dating" is a more steady thing with one person. You can''t decide if you want to "date" someone until you "hang out" with them as friends for a few times. Sure, there''s a "blind date" .. but even though that involves the word "date" on the surface ... i don''t think that''s "datING" until you "decide" ... yes, I had a good time with them and want to see where things go.

I def think you should go to the theater. If only as a "practice date". To get your feet wet, see how it feels ... gain confidence etc. I used to do this with guy friends sometimes ... who were super cute & I thought out of my league & I wasn''t really romantically interested in anyway. Then when I met people I *really* liked & might be more nervous around .. I at least had some frame of reference ... some belief that I wouldn''t absolutely melt in the middle of dinner etc.

Now I know you''re a super smart, capable, savvy gal ... but being in one relationship for so long .. you missed out on some stuff. USE THIS TIME (no matter what happens in the long run) .. not to be a hoochey

.. but to see what other guys have to offer ... how other guys would treat you ... how being treated in other ways makes you FEEL. Etc. Etc.

(You mentioned that he, in the past, had times when he wanted to "play the field" a little. YOU DESERVE THE SAME CHANCE. You don''t have to take it any further than you feel comfortable ... and if it''s just friendly coffee or fond drink-sharing or chaste theater watching: kudos)

Anyhoo: excitement. I''m glad you felt more confident with J''s 2nd approach ... it really doesn''t even have to do with HIM. It''s YOU! Just like material becoming more familiar as you study ... you kinda get used to it!

p.s. -- American Express has offices all over the world, as a lot of people use them for Traveler''s Checks. They also provide other services ...kind of like a Travel Concierge. Brochures, some people with advice, etc. They''re usually in the center of whatever town you''re in. Staffed with friendly folk. At least, that''s my exp.

 

[CrownJewel]

Ally, for when you get bored: Pre-meds, Med Students, and Diamonds: OH MY!

 

[mia15]

You''re on my favorite topic--Italy!

Man, there''s some great recommendations on this board. TravelingGal, it sounds like you''ve earned your name. (BTW, always thought it was a backpack, but then I''m travel obsessed.

Ally, I just wanted to add my bit of support. I remember some of your older posts and you sound like a great person making it through a tough year with a lot of grace. Congratulations on the good news about your father, and good for you for having the strength to live the life you want. Italy''s been life changing for me, and I hope you''ll have a great time. I know I''ll be checking in to add to my own travel notes.

 

[galeteia]

Ally, that''s some great news!

Oh, and the guy is great news too.

While I''m not sure about the ethics of the fine shades of ''dating'' being discussed, I personally do not consider going on dates with at least two different people in a week to be ''dating someone'' because you are not dating some ONE. This, surprisingly enough, actually makes a huge difference, in my experience. Montreal is a great place to be single, attractive, and free on a night or two a week! I know first-hand

I found that if I went out on several dates with a single person, I began to get attached to them, and sort of found myself ''dating'' them and then ''seeing'' them, and before I knew it he was my ''boyfriend''. However, at the times where I made sure to have dates with several people (even if it was just a different one every week) I was able to keep things light and fun and just enjoy the novelty of being single and dating hot men.

From both an emotional and keeping-your-promise standpoint, I''m thinking that if you refrain from focusing on one person in particular, you''ll be fine. More than fine, in fact.

And way to go girl! You work that ''Demon Ally'' side! Woo woo!

 

[cutes814]

Man Ally, I''ve spent the last 2 hours reading this thread from beginning to end. And let me say I am so proud of you and how you handled all of this.

I''m super excited about your trip. Kudos to you for planning it all out. You so deserve it! Also glad to hear your dad is well and back at home.

BTW, sorry for the late response, just saw this thread today. I haven''t been on PS much lately.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/20/2006 7:14:48 AM
Author: allycat0303
Hey everyone!

TG: I don''t have a credit card so I was thinking of travelers checks. I''m going to have to discuss that with my travel agent on Monday. I chose the Hilton because I always stay at the Hilton. I''m really good about all sorts of issues, bad food, no food, getting lost, bad transpo, but I can''t make do with lodging. I''m going to bring walking shoes though. No stiletto heels I''m so fond of (

).

I''m not a big eater. Even at home. Give me 1/2 a sandwhich and a bottle of water and I''m good to go. But one of my main goals is to find a cafe and people watch

Positano sounds perfect. I''m going to add that too. Even if I have to hike. Oops I forgot to ask, for the travel from Rome to Sorrento, do you reccommend bus, train? I''m not really worried about cost, just safety and feeling at ease with the transfer? I want to book that to assure that it''s not going to be a problem.

PS: that forum (is it considered a forum?) I''m spending too much time dissecting the material. Thank you

Ally, glad to hear about your dad!

I would check with the hotel to see what they would recommend. The train from Rome to Naples should be good, clean and fast. From Naples to Sorrento is the issue. I think taking the Circumvesuviana (the little commuter train between the two cities) is easy but it can be very crowded which means you are standing the entire way. Pickpockets also work the train. Perhaps you can take the train from rome to naples, then work with the hotel in getting a transfer?

Don''t take a bus...trains are just so easy in Europe. be sure to make a reservation.

Do you have a debit card that has a credit card logo on it? I would really advise you get a credit card. Travelers checks aren''t really used widely anymore and are a pain....

 

[FireGoddess]

Great news Ally!! On all fronts.

 

[allycat0303]

Anchor31, Appletini, Julian, Oshinbreez, KimberlyH, CrownJewel, Deco, EmeraldLover, Galateia, Milly, TravelingGal,

It has been a hectic, difficult 3 weeks, and I haven't had a chance to thank all of you lovely ladies for the kind thoughts.

So the bad first...I failed my cardiology exam. Which means I consequently fail the class. After the teacher curved the grades, and bought the passing grade down to 56% there were still 61 people that failed. So you can imagine how LIVID people are. It was so difficult for me on many levels. I had started studying 2 months before school started because I knew that it would be a difficult class. And in all honesty, there was no way I should have failed. And even worst it was a really BAD fail....a "you're lucky you got your name right fail" So I was badly shaken, shocked, and scared. But the worst, the worst is that because there has never been a situation like this before, the school decided.....ugh....that the retakes would be split in December and July. And the way they are going to decide who takes it when .....is random. Yea. The faculty hates us obviously because for the past 100+ years, the retakes have ALWAYS been in JULY. So And there will be NO Itlay for me

. But on a brighter note, I gave the plane ticket and the hotels to my Dad as an early Christmas gift. I think with everything that has happened, he and my mother deserve a vacation together. They are really excited, and it took all of the sting away, so I'm at peace with that.

I actually have a history of doing really exaggerated things on exams when I am upset. But this one made me realized , that whatever is happening in my life, I need to learn how to deal with it, and function properly. So I started seeing a counseller which was something I was really, really against before. And after talking to him (it's all ongoing) he told me it seemed like I had a hurriacane of emotions inside of me that I didn't feel entitled to because I feel as though I've been so blessed. And it was a light bulb moment. I do have a lot of unresolved, traumatic experiences from the time I was young, until now that I've always felt I was "handling" by just achieving stuff.

And so on many levels, I honestly feel like failing was a blessing to me in disguise because:

1) I would have never sought outside help
2) All last year and during the summer, I always had this tortourous high level anxiety about "What if I fail?" "I wouldn't be able to handle that" Because in all essence this is my biggest dream come true, and a part of me has always felt like an imposter, and that I'm going to wake up, and they are going to take it away from me. Which is illogical and self destructive, but the fear was overwhelming. And my sister said to me "the way you were thinking, it was only a matter of time before you failed"
3) And now the worst has happened, and I the sun rose the next morning, and I'm sitting here writing this message, so the anxiety is gone. And that's definitely a burden off my shoulders.

And all I do know is that I wrote another final on friday, and there were a lot of people that had their confidence badly shaken by the previous exam. But I can honestly say that I wrote the exam feeling stronger and more focused than I ever have before. So we'll see how that works out.

And I had a really intense, sit down talk with my ex two weeks ago. And I think that was good because both of us felt like I ended a 10 year relationship without much discussion, explanation etc. And I told him the reasons why I didn't think I could honor the promise I made him, and he released me from it. Which was really difficult because I know that I am hurting him a lot. But I'm really proud of him because he's working on all the stuff that was major issues between us. Which shocked me because he never really admitted that there was a problem, but he took the initiative to get outside help, explained that it's been too easy for him all these years to let me handle all the problems and not to own up to them. So I know that regardless of what happens, he's going to be ok. Which is really, really important to me. He really wanted to have another discussion about this at the end of the year, and I'm ok with that. Things are so hectic right now that it's hard for me to know what I really want.

And J. I'm still getting to know him, although he's getting really frustrated with the fact that I don't want to define our relationship....I went to watch him play hockey last week (he plays pro hockey...for the same league as my ex, so it's not totally comfortable) and one of the girls asked me if I was J's girlfriend (because he's been talking about me) in any case, I was really, really upset because I don't know where I want this to go (or if I want this to go anywhere at all). And we had a disagreement about all of it. I hate it that he talked about me. It makes me feel like he's pushing me into a corner by making it public. And I feel like there may be too many similarities between J and my ex...so we'll see where it all goes.

So that's it. But the bottom line is I'm working through it. A little sad sometimes, a little lost, but I feel like all of this is really good for me (painful) but necessary.

Thanks for everything gals!

 

[janinegirly]

hi ally, i know we''ve had our disagreements (which seem silly to me now) but i''ve been following your updates, and am v. impressed with how you handled everything and juggle it all. You seem rare in that you do what is right for the long term rather than what''s easiest or appears ideal..which is the trap so many women fall into. And you must be quite the man magnet with finding another suitor so quickly. Anyway, I just wanted to say that and good luck with everything.

 

[Mandarine]

Hi Ally..

I''m so sorry you failed your test!

and about your Italy trip....but I can''t even tell you how sweet it is that you gave them to your parents.....wow, they must be so excited and so proud of you!

Good for you on the counselor! I think it takes someone with a lot of courage and self-love to seek help...so good for you!!!!!!!

Reading your entire thread shows what a great head you have on your shoulders and what an immense heart you heave

...I have no doubt that you''ll come out of this stronger and feeling much more stable.

J will just need to back-off a little bit, I think you''re handling it well by being honest with him. You need some space right now and I''m sure he''ll understand that you just want to take things slow.

I''m sure many PSers (including myself) are rooting for you and we are all so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M~

 

[CrownJewel]

Ally, I know I''m going to sound crazy saying this, but I saw a lot of positive things in your last post. The way you resolve problems is very smart and optimistic. Like the Italy trip...bravo for making something great out of an unfortunate situation. The cardio class? You succeeded in the end because you learned something about yourself and your study habits. It makes you wiser after all. Just because you had to retake the exam doesn''t invalidate all the other classes you did well in. You''re a successful med student.

As for J, I''m glad you gave him a chance. But the fact that you are less than 100% comfortable with the relationship makes me think that you need to be 100% single for a little while. Maybe all the emotional turmoil you''ve been dealing with these past few months has caused you to put up a wall around yourself, which is totally understandable. But it also makes relationships difficult. Sounds like you need time to JUST BE ally...no one getting in your way. I feel like that sometimes too...and even though it sounds selfish, just taking care of myself for a few weeks renews me and I come back to my friends stronger and refreshed.

Virtual hug to you Ally!
xo

 

[Julian]

Wow, Ally... in such a short time you have come SO FAR.

What you've realized in these few months many people never get to see in their lifetimes. That level of honesty, bravery & introspection is amazing. I really relate to your saying that you psych yourself out in the head sometimes. I think may come from having really perfectionist type Asian parents. Nothing is ever really good enough in one regard (getting accepted into Yale isn't good enough -- must go to Harvard! Geez!)... while you can do no wrong in other ways (what a good daughter you are! so pretty and smart!). I may be TOTALLY off base here, but either way... what you wrote resonated with me because I kind of know the Asian culture a bit.

It's a very confusing message. And then, after much of your life was pretty much silver spoon in the mouth, sheltered from anything tough or harsh -- once you are suddenly on your own, you are left with few tools to live as a mature adult. I think that's the case in many Asian families. You grow up so fast in some ways, but then are totally blindsided by other parts of the real world that you were sheltered from.

But you are very intelligent and have come so far. I am so proud of you. And I hardly know you! But I see enough to believe in a very strong, talented and GORGEOUS young lady!!!!!!!

So sorry to hear about the cardio exam. Sounds like much of the class tanked. Why do they make up those exams with those incredibly low means & huuuuuuge standard deviations? Hello? Think they miscalculated when they came up with the test? 56% is passing? Sounds like a lot of my college classes. I never figured out why they did that. Brutal!

But I know your life stresses must have weighed you down. That can put a fog over your mental capabilities. You will ACE that retake, missy! As for finding help emotionally, BRAVA to you my brave girl. BRAVA. That is probably the start of something very special and probably painful in your life. You will grow in leaps and bounds and get to know yourself in a way you never knew before.

I totally understand about the freaking out regarding J. I think you're doing the right thing -- you are taking your time and not jumping to anything major. That's great! It's all new and I am sure it helps get your mind off of some tough issues that time will help with.

YOU GO, ALLY!

 

[SoonIHope]

Ally - I''m so sorry about your exam & your Italy trip! BUT I agree that you sound like you are making AMAZING progress in dealing with EVERYTHING in your life right now!!!

I''m so glad the counselor is helping you understand yourself better and that you are consequently better able to cope with the end of your relationship and with your classes. I really do have the greatest faith in you, that you will find the perfect guy for you in the end (although I agree that asking J to back off for a while might be a good idea), graduate from medical school with flying colors, and have a spectacular Italian vacation one of these days!!! Best of luck on everything, and please do keep us updated!!!

 

[decodelighted]

Hey Ally!!

Great to hear from you even if the news isn''t what you''d hoped to be reporting! Somehow -- I''m still happy for you!!! I''ve benefited so much from "outside help" from time to time & always love to hear inspiring stores of semi-changed minds about it!

And it''s SO TRUE that there are big ups & downs in life that can''t be controlled - just dealt with. That "worst case scenario" in our minds is even do-able ... especially if you reach out & use all the resources that are available. Coping skills & re-jiggered beliefs you work on now will be WELL WORTH the effort as medical school (and life) is a long road!

It''s so amazing that your parents will take over your Italy trip. Another weird blessing! But it def awaits you too - another time!

**HUGS**

Deco