Need tips on how to deal with a very stubborn man!

[fieryred33143]

So my FI snores loudly. It took me about 6 years to get used to it and by used to it I mean if I''m already sleeping, I won''t wake up anymore. Before I couldn''t sleep after him and once I was asleep, I would wake up all the time. We used to have battles in the middle of the night because of his snoring. Now, I''ll try to fall asleep before him (which isn''t hard to do since he likes to watch TV before bed) or he''ll sleep at the foot of the bed because for some reason he doesn''t snore as much when he''s there

However, his snoring has gotten much worse and I think its becaue of two reasons: 1) he''s overweight and 2) I swear he needs an operation. There are times at night where he''s not breathing so I''ll shake him a little to get him to take a breath. And as soon as that happens, I spend the entire night that way because I''m afraid to fall asleep. Last night was one of those nights. I must have fallen asleep around 4:30 only to wake up an hour later. The losing weight part is getting through to him slowly. We have both changed our eating habits so he''s lost about 20lbs and he''s very motivated. But he won''t go to the doctor at all. He has not gotten a physical in at least 7 years. And I''ve told him repeatedly that he needs to go to an ENT because I think there''s something that''s preventing him from breathing properly (besides the weight).

Anyway, any tips on getting a stubborn man into a doctor''s office? I''m this close to just scheduling something and dragging him.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My mom snored really bad. My dad has always slept with his clock radio under his pillow (poor guy). Finally she went to the doctor b/c she realized how bad it was (I think everyone denies it for years first). She had to do a sleep study at the hospital. Turns out she was having trouble breathing. She had to have an operation but now instead of snoring she makes these weird squeaks and other noises. Regardless none of us (kids) will share a hotel room with her. I feel so bad b/c it is NOT her fault. DH also snores. It is worse when he gains weight. After 8 years I am still not used to it. In fact I kept waking up b/c of it last night. I have heard with age it just gets worse...*sigh*

 

[dani13]

Oh, its horrible, Fiery, I feel for you!!!! MH snores so horribly, we actually will sleep in separate rooms when I have to work the next day!!! Its terrible that we have to do that, but I am such a light sleeper, he just keeps me up ALL night, and after awhile I refused to do it anymore...

I would just tell your FI that if he has sleep apnea (which it sounds like he has- where the person actually stops breathing for brief periods), then its really bad for the body- takes a toll on the heart especially. Its dangeous, and he should really be seen by a doc asap. He will most likely need a sleep study done, where they will determine what is going on, and how they can fix the problem. Hopefully that will open his eyes to the issue!!!

Good luck!!

 

[fieryred33143]

That''s what I fear...age getting worse LOL

My mom doesn''t snore and neither do my brothers. So I''m used to living in a house where you can literally hear a pin drop on the ground. His father snores and he''s stick thin. I don''t know if snoring is genetic or not. I may have to look that up. I know that when FI lost the weight it calmed the snoring down a little but not enough so that''s why I think he needs an operation too. We tried the strips but it doesn''t work. I ditto the *sigh*

 

[neatfreak]

Fiery, all I have to say is that he might get a taste of his own medicine soon. Snoring has been a lovely side effect of my pregnancy for the past month or so (or so my DH tells me).

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 12/15/2008 10:06:03 AM
Author: neatfreak
Fiery, all I have to say is that he might get a taste of his own medicine soon. Snoring has been a lovely side effect of my pregnancy for the past month or so (or so my DH tells me).

OMG Neat that reminds me. The night before the wedding I attended I had been crying before sleeping so I guess my nose was stuffy. He said that I was snoring. It wasn''t loud but he said he wanted to record me because he thought it was funny but didn''t want me to turn around and record him which would have been worse LOL

I did record him once because he doesn''t believe me. If I wake him up to tell him to roll on his side, he will say "I"m not even snoring. I''m awake and didn''t hear myself snore"

So I recorded him and as we were going to bed, I played it for him. He didn''t find it too funny but I thought it was hilarious!

 

[Pandora II]

NF don''t! DH told me yesterday that I was snoring (briefly) for the first time ever that night. Pregnancy has seemed to have given me a permanently stuffy nose!

Fiery, my DH snored really badly for years. He has very bad allergies and due to having no spleen, he picks up every bug going - he had flu 5 times this year.

He now hasn''t snored in over 5 weeks...

We moved to a house with no carpeting - wooden floors throughout, and I finally threw out all the pillows and duvets that he''s had for years and bought new ones (and I bought goose down not hypoallergenic).

Result: no snoring

It sounds to me like your FI has sleep apnea - a friend of mine had this and was operated on for it. He''s a lot better now.

 

[brgirl]

Hmmm..well, my grandma always snored scary-loud when I was growing up, and still does. But she doesn''t have anything wrong with her - just genetic (she''s been to the sleep disorder clinic twice). My grandfather, however, has developed sleep apnea and has to sleep with the mask now. So, it could really be either genetic and fine or something that developed that is wrong!

My brother-in-law also snores very loudly and refuses to go to the doctor about it. My sister is also pregnant, and over Thanksgiving, we tried everything to convince him to just go to the doctor! You''d think with a baby on the way, it''d be a great motivation for him to take care of himself. We are hoping that maybe when the baby is here and it is more ''real,'' and he starts facing his own mortality, maybe that will be motivation enough! My sister sleeping in another room almost every night doesn''t convince him to do anything about it either!

So maybe as your pregnancy progresses, your DH will maybe come around? I mean, you''re having to do all this stuff to take care of yourself now for the future of your baby, including going to the doctor all the time...why can''t he do his part to take care of himself and make one little appointment? (this was the logic I used on my BIL)

Good luck...

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 12/15/2008 10:11:12 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 12/15/2008 10:06:03 AM
Author: neatfreak
Fiery, all I have to say is that he might get a taste of his own medicine soon. Snoring has been a lovely side effect of my pregnancy for the past month or so (or so my DH tells me).

OMG Neat that reminds me. The night before the wedding I attended I had been crying before sleeping so I guess my nose was stuffy. He said that I was snoring. It wasn''t loud but he said he wanted to record me because he thought it was funny but didn''t want me to turn around and record him which would have been worse LOL

I did record him once because he doesn''t believe me. If I wake him up to tell him to roll on his side, he will say ''I''m not even snoring. I''m awake and didn''t hear myself snore''

So I recorded him and as we were going to bed, I played it for him. He didn''t find it too funny but I thought it was hilarious!

Fiery, my DH said the SAME EXACT thing! I nudge him when he snores and he acts like he was awake the whole time! I say "Yeah, I set my alarm to wake myself up so that I can make up a story about you snoring." Grrrr

 

[somethingshiny]

DH used to be a huge snorer. Of course it didn''t start until after we were married... Which I blame on the weight gain of my good cooking!! Seriously, I do believe weight is a factor in snoring. He also had sleep apnea. DH tried everything (besides dieting) to relieve the snoring. I started buying those Breathe Right strips and they worked wonderfully. It took a good 2 weeks of wearing them before any difference was noted though. I read somewhere that your body would learn to breathe differently over time with those things. He wore them every night for over a year. He stopped wearing them but hasn''t had any rebound snoring.

Two of my uncles had surgeries for their sleep apnea and they are both doing well.

 

[fieryred33143]

brgirl--that''s exactly what I''ve been trying to explain to him. It took him a while to realize that he needed to lose weight. I think he always knew but he was in denial and he''s been good about getting himself on track. But he refuses to go to the doctor. He didn''t even have health insurance until I forced him to get it. I''m thinking he''s still in the mindset of healthy growing boy and not rapidly aging man LOL. Hopefully in a few weeks when he hits 30, he''ll realize its time to get his rear to the doctor.

Courtney-LOL! He does that all the time. Or he''ll say "fine I''m going to wait until you fall asleep" and 2 seconds later he''s snoring again.

It really isn''t his fault but its frustrating that he can do something about it (or at least I''m assuming he can) and he just doesn''t want to.

 

[brgirl]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 104px">Date: 12/15/2008 10:48:52 AM
Author: fieryred33143
brgirl--that''s exactly what I''ve been trying to explain to him. It took him a while to realize that he needed to lose weight. I think he always knew but he was in denial and he''s been good about getting himself on track. But he refuses to go to the doctor. He didn''t even have health insurance until I forced him to get it. I''m thinking he''s still in the mindset of healthy growing boy and not rapidly aging man LOL. Hopefully in a few weeks when he hits 30, he''ll realize its time to get his rear to the doctor.

Maybe you can find a checklist for men of ''things you should do when you hit 30'' and make sure one of them is ''have a physical....'' Surely Maxim has one of those lists somewhere!! Sounds like he''s just pretty typical - kind of slow to come around to some ideas...but there is hope since he did start losing weight!!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/15/2008 10:21:28 AM
Author: Pandora II
NF don''t! DH told me yesterday that I was snoring (briefly) for the first time ever that night. Pregnancy has seemed to have given me a permanently stuffy nose!

Aww Pandora I have the stuffy nose too, which is what is causing my snoring. Sadly my doctor says that many women get it while preggo and for me it has lasted...I guess it is due to the extra volume of blood and mucus in your body.

 

[Lorelei]

Oh dear Fiery....

Suffice to say I could write an epistle on sharing a room with a snoring Hubby ( who has incidentally had the surgery and it didn''t do much) but my best advice which I got from another PSer is to use earplugs - I use the silicone squashy ones and they are a sleep saver!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 12/15/2008 10:06:03 AM
Author: neatfreak
Fiery, all I have to say is that he might get a taste of his own medicine soon. Snoring has been a lovely side effect of my pregnancy for the past month or so (or so my DH tells me).

Neat you crack me up!!! ROFL!!!

 

[Lauren8211]

Ugh, Fiery. Snoring is bad, but not taking care of yourself is even worse! He needs to get to a doctor! Preventative medicine is KEY!

i don''t know if this is out of line to say to him, but you guys have a baby on the way (which you know of course!

), and his health is more important now. It''s not just about him. He needs to be healthy for this baby, so he can be around for a very long time!

So maybe help him to think of going to the doctor as something that effects your entire family, and not just him.

I don''t know if that falls along the lines of blackmail, LOL. Hopefully it''s just a perspective that can help him see how important regular check-ups are.

 

[Rhea]

My mother kicked my father out of the bedroom until he agreed to attend a sleep clinic. I''m not sure that this is the answer, but after a couple of uncomfortable nights on the sofa bed and being woken up by the dog he agreed. Dad now has a little machine that he has to sleep with. He''s too overweight for an opertion right now and it''s considered to be elective surgery on his health care.

 

[Courtneylub]

Fiery, I know...It''s not his fault, but it''s still so easy to get frustrated. He says he''s going to the doc over the holidays. I''ve also heard of those snore strips that are like Listerine strips?

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 12/15/2008 12:04:08 PM
Author: Courtneylub
Fiery, I know...It''s not his fault, but it''s still so easy to get frustrated. He says he''s going to the doc over the holidays. I''ve also heard of those snore strips that are like Listerine strips?

Really? I may have to get those. We tried the ones that go on your nose but it did nothing. I honestly think he just needs an operation and to lose some pounds.

Lor-LOL The funny thing is that when my father was alive he snored and I couldn''t sleep unless I would hear him snoring. But then after he passed, I would sleep with my mom who doesn''t make a single sound. She doesn''t even move. I got used to it.

Elle-Tell me about it! I have tried explaining to him how important it is for him to go see the dr. His mother has tried too. He just won''t go. I think he''s afraid of what the doctor may tell him.

Addy-I''m sorry about your dad. My cousin''s baby was born at 10lbs (!!) and he also has to sleep with this machine that makes this awful noise in order to wake everyone up in the event he stops breathing. poor guy

 

[JSM]

It took my mom 20 years to get my dad to a sleep clinic! He has apnea really bad. For years he snored very loudly, then would stop breathing, and would after a minute jump start himself into breathing again. He'd fall asleep on the couch NIGHTLY because he never got enough rest.

FINALLY my mom convinced him to go - and the difference is night and day. He wears the "Darth Vader" mask, as he calls it, and he is much more pleasant to be around now that he actually gets rest!

The funny thing is that my dad is anything but overweight. He's 49 and is still in amazing shape (works out, plays sports - he's probably healthier than my 30 year old fiance). I think some snoring and apnea is simply genetics and where all your organs end up, not necessarily because of weight.

Fiery, good luck with getting your man to the doc! I have no idea why it's so hard to get men to the doctor when they CLEARLY need it.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 12/15/2008 12:29:55 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 12/15/2008 12:04:08 PM

Author: Courtneylub

Fiery, I know...It''s not his fault, but it''s still so easy to get frustrated. He says he''s going to the doc over the holidays. I''ve also heard of those snore strips that are like Listerine strips?

Really? I may have to get those. We tried the ones that go on your nose but it did nothing. I honestly think he just needs an operation and to lose some pounds.


Lor-LOL The funny thing is that when my father was alive he snored and I couldn''t sleep unless I would hear him snoring. But then after he passed, I would sleep with my mom who doesn''t make a single sound. She doesn''t even move. I got used to it.


Elle-Tell me about it! I have tried explaining to him how important it is for him to go see the dr. His mother has tried too. He just won''t go. I think he''s afraid of what the doctor may tell him.


Addy-I''m sorry about your dad. My cousin''s baby was born at 10lbs (!!) and he also has to sleep with this machine that makes this awful noise in order to wake everyone up in the event he stops breathing. poor guy

Oh no, the machine is a good thing! It means dad doesn''t snore and mom doesn''t make him sleep on the couch anymore. He used to wake up the entire house. Dad says that the machine doesn''t bug him. It was my mother that we all felt sorry before dad got the machine!

 

[Elmorton]

Fiery, you gotta get him into a sleep study. If he''s stopping breathing (snoring isn''t normal, sounds like he''s almost choking), that''s textbook apnea.

Apnea is pretty serious - it puts serious stress on the heart. My godfather had apnea and refused to use a machine - he died of a heart attack a couple of years ago. Both of my parents, DH''s dad, and DH''s grandparents have apnea. Yes, weight is part of it, but it also has to do with airways etc - Dh''s grandparents are both very slim folks. There are surgeries that can help, but they''re not for everyone and sometimes insurance won''t pay for it because the machines are a lot cheaper. Some people avoid testing because of the cpap machine itself, but there are all different kinds and different sleep masks. My parents prefer the full face masks and machines with a built-in humidifier, but there are different kinda that are lighter.

I''ve had sleep studies done - I don''t sleep well, and I do snore (light, regular) if I''m not on my side or stomach. I''m overweight, too - but my doctor never lectured me about that. They''re there to treat the sleep stuff. The sleep study is pretty non-invasive - basically, they wire you up and let you sleep for about 4 hours (as long as it takes to determine that you do or don''t have apnea). I went to a clinic and they had a room set up that looked exactly like a bedroom. It was such a no-biggie in terms of comfort or invasiveness. My parents have had theirs done at home.

The weight is certainly an issue, but if you''re going to get on him about something, you need to get him to a doctor and deal with the sleep thing. If he does have apnea, that means he''s waking up hundreds of times a night. Is he irritable, tired, or depressed? It''s basically a nasty cycle - if he''e not sleeping, he''s going to be irritable and probably won''t have healthy habits due to lack of energy. I think he''ll see a drastic change once he feels what a real night''s sleep feels like (and you will too...I think the sound of the cpap machine is actually really calming).

 

[swingirl]

My husband has sleep apnea and is not overweight. It''s a strain on the heart and should be treated with a C-pap. Not only is snoring (from sleep apnea) annoying to everyone in the house, it is dangerous for the snorer as they are being deprived of oxygen. I feel your pain!!

 

[Linda W]

Date: 12/15/2008 11:25:16 AM
Author: Lorelei
Oh dear Fiery....

Suffice to say I could write an epistle on sharing a room with a snoring Hubby ( who has incidentally had the surgery and it didn''t do much) but my best advice which I got from another PSer is to use earplugs - I use the silicone squashy ones and they are a sleep saver!

I ditto this. I have to wear earplugs every night!!!!

 

[EricaR]

I''ve found that just a poke in the ribs doesn''t make FI wake up all the way. As soon as I started waking him up all the way he started realizing just how often he was waking me up... This convinced him to sign up for a sleep study which he goes to mid-January.

Sometimes I have to shake him awake. Shake hard. At first he wasn''t happy about it but I figured that it was only fair.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/15/2008 11:52:37 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 12/15/2008 11:25:16 AM
Author: Lorelei
Oh dear Fiery....

Suffice to say I could write an epistle on sharing a room with a snoring Hubby ( who has incidentally had the surgery and it didn''t do much) but my best advice which I got from another PSer is to use earplugs - I use the silicone squashy ones and they are a sleep saver!

I ditto this. I have to wear earplugs every night!!!!

Me too. Lifesaver. I can''t sleep without them.

 

[Dancing Fire]

my wife snores like a pig.

i give her the elbow.

 

[Courtneylub]

Well my day has started off badly. I can''t even snooze anymore if I want. When my alarm goes off the first time, that''s what time I have to get up or else I''m lying there listening to him snoring. I can''t take it anymore!!!

 

[nycbkgirl]

Oooo do I feel your pain...been with my dh for 6yrs in total..and the first yr I would actually cry bc I couldn''t sleep! Then I discovered ear plugs! I can''t recommend them enough..they are the official lifesaver..I sleep like a baby (even tho im scared when the babies come I can''t exactly wear them ..hmm)..so I took him to doc and he does have severe apnea and blockage in the throat .doc said surgery was a must., but he scared me saying recovery time is long and painful! (When pain are sick or in pain im sure u know how difficult it is to take care of them!)..so we put off surgery for now and he uses mask and it is great..doesn''t make much noise and he sleeps great..and I don''t need to use earplugs as much! I agree it isn''t necessary to be overweight to have this..dh was thin when we first met but now has a beer belly lol. So I suggest u get it checked and get the mask..it is a savior!

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m going to have to get me some earplugs then!

Sorry courtney!