Need advice on what to do???

[Tazman282]

Alright, I posted a while back on how I received a pear shape diamond from my grandmother to use towards a ring for my girl friend. After the advice I received from all of your wonderful people on here I got Richard Sherwood in Sarsota to take a look at it. So here are the results.

2.03 carats; 1 Pearshape brilliant cut
measurements: 10.47 x 6.52 x 4.62
Color(GIA) : J
fluorescence: Medium blue
Clarity (GIA) : SI2 (Slightly)
Cut class (AGA) : 3B (fair to good make)
length to width 1.61 to 1.00
total depth 70.8% estimated
table size 63.2 estimated
crown height 15.5%
pavilion depth 43.5 %
Girdle thickness Thick to extremely thick, faceted .64
culet None
Polish Good
symmetry Good

Retail Replacement value $9,800

in the plot diagram there are two slight feathers one upper right if pointed down and one lower to mid left. Mostly on outer edges not in center, and there is also a pinpoint.


Now that you have all the info on the diamond, in which it is absolutly beautiful hard to believe it scored so low but the test''s don''t lie. So now what do you believe would be in my best interest. I was looking into making some sort of trade with International diamond center, where I would get the whole package deal of a ring, setting and wedding band, which in essence is what I am looking for. I have been looking in the carat range of 1.0 to 1.25 for her and it seems as if she doesn''t want anything any bigger because she thinks it looks fake or whatever else. She is 5'' 100 lbs so needless to say she has very small fingers too. We have also looked at some of the Verragio collection in which she likes which costs a pretty penny on its own. So the question really comes down to what and how would you go about selling, trading, exchanging, etc. I know the best deals are online with many of the vendors on this website but I don''t know if they have any such offers available. Do you think I will get the best deal with my grandmother''s jewler vs another or a low overhead chain like International Diamond center or the diamond exchange. I just don''t want to get screwed somehow way or another. So any info on your personal opinions would be highly appreciated and no she doesn''t want or like pear shaped diamonds and she also knows nothing about this one. And for one more question before I rap this up. Do you think I should tell her about this diamond or make it like I paid for it myself. I don''t think she would ever find out but you never know. Would you want to know or not know? Thanks for any help you may contribute and sorry for the extremely long post.

 

[finchuck]

I don't see any reason for telling her about this unless you think she might want it instead of something new. What difference should it make to her whether you had this ring or not.

As for selling it, you'll probably be very disappointed when you try and get some quotes. Diamonds are very hard to sell unless you're a vendor for a decent price.

 

[glitterata]

If my boyfriend had a 2+ carat diamond from his grandmother that he considered very beautiful, I would much rather he give it to me as an engagement ring than that he trade it in--especially if he got something smaller in the trade.

You say your girlfriend wants a smaller diamond. But are you sure she's not just saying that because she thinks that's what you can afford?

Of course, there are people who hate pears, and people who wouldn't want a J/SI2, especially in such a large size--the color and imperfections might show more than they would in a smaller diamond. However, if it was me, the sentimental value of having a diamond with family connections would win out over all those objections, as long as the diamond itself wasn't hideous. Is there any way to find out how your girlfriend would feel about this?

If you DO trade it in, you won't get anywhere near what it's worth.

 

[finchuck]

Yeah, she may very well want that ring. That would probably save you money too.

 

[Giangi]

I would definitely keep it. It's a big and rare diamond, not to mention it has a touch of history!

 

[diamondsman]

I would tell her,where it came from,reason being that if she ever finds out she would not trust you anymore.
I am just wondering what you are looking to get for it?

 

[Tazman282]

Well with the statement about it being family connected, this is true but that isn't the reason I was getting it. It was to sell or to use if wanted for the ring. I am also receiving her actual engagement ring from her first marriage when and if she ever dies.I hope that doesn't happen for a long time even though she is 93. And that ring is beautiful. Yes very lucky grandson. But that would be more on the sentimental side of the picture. What I primarily want for the diamond is a 1.25 round brilliant G VS2 eye clean SI with a verragio setting and matching band. I know that may seem like a lot but with pricing I have found it to come out to high 6000 low 7000 area I think. Does this seem like somewhat of a good deal to all of you. I have not found someone willing to do this but in mind this is what I want if I had to buy it myself.

Then onto the question about size. She really doesn't like big rings. With her small fingers a one carat looks like a 2 carat and a 2 looks like a gumball machine ring. I know that one day she will grow into it whatever but she really isn't even into diamonds she honestly just wants whatever she tries on and she would be happy. She likes the size of 1 carat and 1.25 is pushing it. She just wants to have a ring that sparkles. I have tried to push towards the pear shape and the size but she really doesn't like either one but when she puts that one carat you can just see her glow. It is truly an awsome feeling.

Then with the whole trust issue, I am not sure if she would not trust me but I am sure she would in some ways have wanted to see it but then again glad she didn't see it becuase it would ruin the surprise. We have been looking for a while and she knows it is sorta coming but I have her set that it won't be for another year. So anything before then will be great. Thank you for the feedback and hope to hear from more of you on your thoughts.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 1/5/2004 1:08:03 AM glitterata wrote:

If my boyfriend had a 2+ carat diamond from his grandmother that he considered very beautiful, I would much rather he give it to me as an engagement ring than that he trade it in--especially if he got something smaller in the trade.

Yep, and to add: I would be honored. Plus, this type of family ring could stay in the family. She could always earmark it for future son or daughter. Quite frankly, especially in the South, family rings are regarded as a status symbol.

About the size, she would get used to it very quickly. JMHO, next to an RB, pears are my next favorite shape - never too trendy - never out of style.

 

[Summer]

I'd get your gf what she desires but I'd also hang on to that pear, especially because it was your grandmothers (yes, you're a lucky grandson).

You never know sometime down the road your gf/wife may want to set it in a pendant (sometimes our tastes change) or maybe you'll be able to pass it on in your family.

If you choose to sell it, tell her you did that, to me there's nothing wrong with that. She may even appreciate that you did sell something you treasure to help get her what she wanted.

However, would your grandmother mind if you sell it? I still say keep it!

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[Hest88]

I would definitely tell her. You can't really hide something like that forever and if she operates under the misapprehension that you paid for it all yourself she might feel you'd deliberately kept it from her.

 

[aljdewey]

If I were in this situation, I would get the RB with my own funds and keep the pear stone as a gift for something else later (maybe birth of first child or something.)

I can certainly see (and agree with) the sentimentality of keeping a family piece, but that doesn't mean it *has* to serve as an e-ring. An e-ring is different from other pieces, and a woman should have what *she* likes for that piece.

You're pretty clear that your girl would prefer a smaller ring and a different shape, so I'd run with that for her e-ring. She shouldn't have to "get used" to the size or the shape, in my humble opinion.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 1/5/2004 12:19:02 PM aljdewey wrote:

You're pretty clear that your girl would prefer a smaller ring and a different shape, so I'd run with that for her e-ring. She shouldn't have to 'get used' to the size or the shape, in my humble opinion.----------------

Why does it surprise me we are in disagreement again.

To me, it is not a matter of her getting "used" to it. It is an *honor* to be presented with a family ring. To me, that transcends what may be her style. She may like the idea of a smaller RB. But, presented w/ this sentimental *nice* stone, she may feel more about the sentiment.

I have a family ring. It was intended from the birth of my hubby to be "his". It was intended to be *the* ring to propose with. It's not in a setting I would choose. The fact that it is in the original setting & an orginal engament ring passed down means more to me than style. Many friends have asked me if I was going to reset it. It's out of the question. It is intended to be handed down as is.

For personal reasons & circumstances, I feel strongly about giving her the option. I wish I had it. I didn't because of miscommunication & supposition all around. Who would want an old OEC when they could have a bright new RB?

I am always a proponent on what *she* may want. I feel family rings trump that. I think you should at least discuss it with her. Some women don't feel that way; but, at least you will know.

 

[aljdewey]

Perhaps it would be better to give her the option.

The only problem I foresee with that: What if she feels that she is "expected" to choose the family piece even if she doesn't care for it? A choice like that is a really tough position to put someone in.

I totally understand the value in family pieces...in fact, I wish my family had more of them. Having said that, though, I disagree that a family piece *has* to be the e-ring.

I think that it could be given for any other significant occasion--most husbands gift their wives in some way on the birth of the first child, and that occasion is probably even more concentrated on "keeping family ties" and lineage than any other event. (This belonged to my grandmother, now I'm giving it to you, and someday you can pass it on to our new baby.)

I would be honored to get a family piece, and again it's just *my* opinion....but I would be disappointed if my e-ring ended up being what someone else preferred instead of what I preferred.

Yes, it's an honor, but it doesn't have to be *that* piece....especially under the conditions it was given to him. If it was given with the expectation to offer as an e-ring, I could see the potential for the family to be offended. That isn't the case, here, though....it was given with intent of Taz offering it for sale to obtain something his GF will like....and I think plays heavily here. He's noted that his grandma's actual engagement ring will be the family heirloom, and I don't think that should be overlooked.

I don't agree that family piece should trump getting what she wants. There are many other ways to honor that family gift, and I feel it doesn't have to be that one. Just my 2 cents.

Having said all of that, Taz, you do mention that it isn't totally unexpected - that you've been sorta talking about it. That being so, it wouldn't totally ruin a surprise, so there may be some merit in asking her about it. You don't have to specify that you're ready to move quicker than she thinks. You could simply say that the ring came up in conversation and you weren't sure what she'd prefer DOWN THE LINE. No need to let her think it's imminent.

 

[Tazman282]

We will start from the beginning so that maybe it will help your opinions. My situation as we speak is I am going to graduate in May of 2004 from Embry Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona beach to become an airline pilot. I have approx. 150,000 in student loans which was sorta the propt for my grandmother giving me the pendant now after appraisal loose stone to trade in, use, do whatever I may choose with the stone in order to get an engagement ring for my girlfriend. It makes a beautiful pendant and if I had the money to save it then I would and give for all those reason you stated like the birth, annaversary, etc, but I truly have no money to spend on a ring of that caliber right now. Upon graduating if I get a job with Mesa airlines in the midwest my starting salary will only be 17,000 a year so you can do the math with 17 a year and 150,000 to repay. Doesn't really work out very well. I know in no time I will be making money but I can't wait that long. My girlfriend really just wants a 1 carat round diamond that shines. She could care less about anything else. I am the one doing all the research etc. Then with my grandmothers engagement ring that is the one that will be past down the family tree that means something to me. But this was mearly a pendant sitting in the jewler box that she rarly wears and she knew it would help me out a whole lot more than sitting in there collecting dust. I know my girlfriend doesn't like pear or that size for a ring. Believe you me I tried to stir her in that direction. Just not her taste. I know I will never get what I want for it but anything is a plus because I never paid for it in the begining. I am just trying to get what I want and not pay anything because I have nothing. I wish I could just get her dream ring and keep the pear but it just isn't practical at this point in my life. I hope this helps a little and thank you all so much for your reply's.

 

[abbymax825]

Get her what she wants!!!! If she is at all expecting a proposal from you, and you hae been looking at rings and she has shown you want she wants...and you propose with the pear, you will not see the look in her eyes that you want! She will be dissappointed! (I would be at least!) It would be different if it were an engagement ring, but it isn't, it is in a pendant! Do what you need to do to get her the ring she is dreaming! You are a lucky guy that you have a grandmother with excellent jewlry to help you finance!! Good luck and let us know how much you get for it, and what you decide on!!

 

[aljdewey]

All of that being the case, Taz.....if it were me, I'd sell the pear (where it's not *the* family heirloom and doesn't have huge sentimental value) and get her what you know she wants.

Your other choice....show her the pear and ask her what she thinks. It could very well be that your *steering* isn't going well because she's thinking you'll buy something new....her outlook may be different, though, with the knowledge that it's family piece.

Your call....you know her better than we all do, obviously. I'd sell the pear, but that's me, and as you've seen, opinions vary widely depending on who's being asked. I don't think there's a clear-cut, slam-dunk answer here. You have to go with your gut on this one.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 1/5/2004 2:45:10 PM aljdewey wrote:


Your other choice....show her the pear and ask her what she thinks. It could very well be that your *steering* isn't going well because she's thinking you'll buy something new....her outlook may be different, though, with the knowledge that it's family piece.

You have to go with your gut on this one.

----------------

I think that is what I would do. From my point of view, it is your grandmother's. It has special meaning that she gave it to you for the purpose of affording you to get engaged. I know this may not be *the* family ring; but, a family stone none the less. Present her with her options. If you have an open relationship, she'll be honest. Plus, if she chooses the pear, I can't help but think it will warm Grandmother's heart.

I don't know how old she is. And some women are different. But, I know if I was young & someone presented me w/ a 2c pear family stone, I'd be beside myself w/ glee. I know I would have jumped all over that thing even though I stated I wanted a smallish RB. And, from the report it's a decent stone. She doesn't know it exists as an option as Al pointed out.

Do some due diligence on exactly what her options are before you present the stone. I'd be charmed by the whole aspect.

But, again, - go with your gut. Good luck. Let us know what you decide. I'm thinking if you do decide to sell the stone, you may want to work with one vendor on both sides. I may be wrong; but, it sounds like a saleable stone in the fact that it's bang for the buck.

 

[ClownFishFunk]

Hey there. If your gf really doesn't want a pear or a diamond that large, I would still keep it for sentimental reasons, perhaps to put in a pendant later on (as pendants usually don't need as high color/clarity etc. since you don't see them as close up), or to keep passing it down in your family. I would definitely atleast ask her about this - I know I would want to know if my boyfriend inherited a diamond. Still, when it comes down to it, if she told you she wanted a 1 carat RB for her e-ring, then you should get her that if thats what you can afford, and still use the pear for something else. Just my thoughts, hope this helps. =-D

 

[Robyn12]

If she is that small of a girl, and she has expressed that she does not like really large stones, I agree that the 2 ct is not right for her.

It sounds like she is aware that an engagement is in the near future, and you have even talked about ring preferences. So I don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for you to tell her about the pear that you inherited, and your plans, just to be honest. Tell her you know it's probably not what she would want as an engagement ring, but that you wanted to see if she'd have any interest in making it into a pendant or something down the road...

If she has no interest in using the stone in the future for a pendant or necklace or something (I wouldn't), I think it would be wise for you to trade it in now toward a stone that she will cherish. It is still connected to your grandmother, and special in its way. Why keep it hanging around if your gf doesn't want it...especially since it doesn't seem to have much sentimental value to you... and you could put that money to good use now.

You could keep your grandmother's other diamond as the family heirloom. That one seems to have more sentimental value...

Just my opinion. Good luck.

 

[Tazman282]

Thank you all once again for your opinions it has really put some new perspectives in my head to think about. I think it isn't all that sentimental to me in the way that she gave it to me. One day we were talking about when I would propose and how or whatever else and then we started talking about the money issue and she said hold on then walked back in and said here this should fix you up go sell that thing and you will be well on your way. So that is sort of how I have looked at it all along. I think I am going to tell her about it for the simple fact of honesty. Even though deep down I would really want her to think that I paid for it, I just can't do that. Wouldn't be able to sleep at night now. Before I never looked at it like that. Well thanks again but I do have one question for you all?
How much do you think would be a good price for something like this in a trade in? Also how would I go about talking to online vendors about this and which ones would be more willing to deal with me. Thank you so much.

 

[fire&ice]

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On 1/6/2004 9:53:02 AM Tazman282 wrote:

I think I am going to tell her about it for the simple fact of honesty. Even though deep down I would really want her to think that I paid for it, I just can't do that. Wouldn't be able to sleep at night now. Before I never looked at it like that.

I can't speak for her - but, I wouldn't give a thought. How much you paid is a non issue. It's the thought.

As far as how much you will get - don't know. You will have to do some sleuthing. Work your way around pricescope for similar specs. See what the retail is. At some point, you've got to ask. I can not imagine that Rich wouldn't give a ball park on what to expect.

 

[hoorray]

I agree with F&I. I wouldn't care how he paid for my ring, and I might even be relieved to know that he didn't take on more debt!

 

[aljdewey]

Oh, I wouldn't care either how he paid for the ring. His grandmother gave him a stone.....so what? He COULD have elected to keep the money from it and put in into something for himself......but he's not.




What will matter to her....the only thing that will likely matter to her.....is that you want to marry her.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 1/6/2004 12:15:28 PM aljdewey wrote:


Oh, He COULD have elected to keep the money from it and put in into something for himself......but he's not.


What will matter to her....the only thing that will likely matter to her.....is that you want to marry her.

----------------

A nice way of looking at it TAZ. Really, where the money came from is a non-issue.

Make sure you let us know what happens.

 

[glitterata]

I have to say, your grandmother sounds like a sweetheart! May you have many more years together.

It also sounds as if she WANTS you to sell the stone so you can buy your fiancee the ring of her dreams. It's frustrating, though, that you'll probably be getting so much less than it's worth for it. And it does sound beautiful.

I don't suppose you'd consider getting your girlfriend the pear to wear as a pendant, along with a small diamond ring or a gemstone or CZ ring, with the understanding that you'll upgrade her ring soon, when you're making more than $17,000? Or even have the pear set in a ring for now, with the understanding that later on, when your income's bigger and your debts are smaller, you'll turn it into a pendant and buy her a round ideal? That's probably what I would want if I were her.

 

[valeria101]

----------------
On 1/6/2004 9:53:02 AM Tazman282 wrote:


How much do you think would be a good price for something like this in a trade in? Also how would I go about talking to online vendors about this and which ones would be more willing to deal with me. Thank you so much. ----------------

"Trade-in" works for the stones sold by the same vendor. Your stone may be EXCHANGED of SOLD: in any case, 70% of that appraisal would be a dream offer. Why loose a third of your stone's value?

I trully believe that you should give the pear to your girl in a high quality setting. If you want her to know you are opened to buying jewelry: can't you do that later? The pear will serve its purpose and later can become a pendant if everyone decides that there is nothing better in the world than a 1.35 RBC. This is up to you but one thing I know: one's opinion on diamonds does change according to what diamonds one has ta hand. Infront of a wonderful pear cut, who knows what your girl will want? Noone really hates diamonds and quite a few people never consider anything but rounds and princesses to start with because they may have never seen decent stones in other shapes.

Besides, what if you do get that round, tell her the story and get the poor girk crying for frustration?!

Not too many women would make a case from "HE DID NOT PAY FOR IT

"... men do

 

[phoenixgirl]

Did you ever get an answer from an expert about the possibility of recutting it?

I definitely do not think this is a case where sentimentality plays a part. Your grandmother gave you the diamond and told you that you should sell it. I have a friend whose husband's mother died when he was very young. When he gave her his mother's ring, that was definitely a sentimental piece that should be accepted with joy no matter what other ideas you had for your own ring. But this is definitely a means for you to get $ to get what she wants. You've made it clear that you know she doesn't want a 2 carat pear. What you could do is ask her flat out if you think she knows you will propose soon (please don't ruin the surprise, but if she knows anyway, I would want a say in getting the stone). You could ask her . . . would you rather have a 2 carat pear or a x carat round brilliant (whatever you can afford after selling the pear)?

You definitely won't get anything near the retail replacement value reselling it. I did a quick search on ebay, and for three pages items from a search for "pear diamond" going for over $1000, there were about three bids. But anything would help, right? You may also be able to sell it on consignment through a jeweler.

If recutting is an option for you, I would seriously consider it. I doubt you'd get enough $ for your pear to pay for a 1 carat + round brilliant plus setting, etc. This way the recutting and setting are out of your pocket, but then you've got a 1 carat + round brilliant at a fraction of the cost of buying it new. Of course, I have no idea what would be left of your stone. The width is about the size of a 1 carat RB already, so I don't know if there'd be much to work with to retain the weight and align the facets.

 

[Tazman282]

Alright where a lot has changed since the last post. With all of your opinions leading me in the direction of telling her that is what I did last night. We went to a nice restaurante and I played it up a little with I have to ask you an important question, can you see the sweat on my hands yada yada yada. I do this to her all the time. She hates it but loves it at the same time. She new it wasn't it but she new it was something good. So as we were sitting there I put the bag (one of the gemstone bags) on the table and she just stared at, I told her to wait a min so I could catch my breath. I am just hateful arn't I? But needless to say when I did finally let her look at it she just absolutly loved it. She lit up like a christmas tree and by God that is one of the best feelings in the world. We discussed the options that we have at the moment but I think she really wants this one for all of the reasons you stated. The fact that it was from my grandmother and that it was just big and sparkly and big. She couldn't get over the idea of how big it was. She was in utmost surprise and she loved it. But see now I have a problem of now she wants it. She wants to go today to see about settings and whatever else. Thank you all so very much for your advice because I truly don't believe I would have shown her ever. I also told her of the idea of changing it into a pendant later but she said no because then her hand would be jeolous of her neck. I thought that was kinda funny. She is very sentimental and I don't think she would ever want any other ring later, whatever we decide is it forever. Well thank you all again and I will keep you all posted of the final outcome and some pictures if I get a chance. Thanks again.

PS: Now I am off to search for settings if anyone knows of any good ones please let me know...

 

[fire&ice]

Taz, this warmed my heart. I'm glad it worked out for you. Often when people are presented with the reality (in this case -a large nice family stone)they will choose that over their pre-concieved notion.

As far as pear settings, can't really help there. If I were you, I'd start another thread announcing the decision & request for information on setting pears. Actually, there are a few people on this board that have pears & can tell their experience & post you a pic.

Good luck.

 

[glitterata]

Oh, I'm so glad and thrilled for both of you!

If I were in your position, I would definitely have a setting made by Mark Morrell, a jeweler in MA. Several people on this forum have used him and their rings are breathtaking.

http://www.mwmjewelry.com/recent-work.html

Scroll down the page a bit and you'll come to a simple but utterly gorgeous pear setting. His work is somewhat more expensive than a mass produced setting, but oh! so much more lovely. And since you don't have to pay for the stone, you can probably afford it, right?