Need advice about my diamond

[Blenheim]

I''m not completely sure where to start. The only things I had told my fiance about what I wanted in a diamond was that I wanted an ideal cut or very close to it, and that I did not want a princess or marquise (no offense to anyone who has them, they''re just not me). I had shown him some diamonds that PS vendors had listed online, but he just feels that this isn''t one of those purchases that you make online. He went ring shopping under some time pressure, as he had to catch a flight later that day. He first went to BBB, and everything there was out of his price range. He went to J B Robinson (a mall store, owned by the same people who own Kay''s and all of them), and found the ring that he got me. I don''t think they had particularly good cut diamonds there, but he could afford what they had and got me something that he thought I would like. He said that he could have bought an ideal diamond if he had waited a few months to propose, but that he just wanted to marry me and didn''t want to wait any longer to ask me.

When he first proposed, he didn''t remember the cut info and from the little research I did on PS, I kind of doubted that the store he went to would have the best cut diamonds. It is sparkly, and I love the setting, but I feel like I''ve been trying to convince myself that it''s perfect. Well, he found the IGI (not GIA, as I thought he told me) certificate today:

Shape/Cut: Round Brilliant Cut
Measurement: 5.18-5.20 x 3.15 mm
Weight: 0.51 carat
Color: Colorless(F)
Clarity: SI2
Polish/Symmetry: Good/Good
Treatment: None

There was no specific cut information or anything like that. I assume that if they were great, they would have sent it to be graded by a laboratory who graded cut.

My fiance and I were discussing some of the stories on PS about girls being disappointed in their rings a couple of weeks ago, and he specifically told me that he wanted to know if I wasn''t completely happy. Well, after I saw the certificate, I kind of broke down. I asked him some more questions about how he shopped for the ring and what they told him and what he was looking for. I finally told him that while I''m really looking forward to marrying him and elated that he proposed, and I love that he listened to me about the setting, I was having doubts about the diamond. My PS education left me wanting an ideal diamond. While we don''t know much about the cut of this one, I at least want to see how it performs against an ideal diamond.

J got very quiet. He''s still not sure what he''s thinking. He really wants me to be happy (which is why he wanted to know if I''m not 100% in love with it), but he''s a little mad at me and he''s a little mad at himself. He feels like he had one thing to do and he messed it all up. He can''t handle much more diamond talk today, but he told me to go ahead and ask you girls what to do. Maybe I should have posted in Rocky Talky, but I think that we both need emotional advice as much as anything. I''m upset at myself for caring so much and for upsetting him, and he''s upset at himself for not getting it right. He''s taking a nap, and hopefully he''ll have a better idea of what he''s thinking when he gets up.

I looked at J B Robinson''s return policy, and we''re still in the window. Quest, which is in the area, lists on their website a signature ideal F SI2 0.60 carat diamond for a couple hundred less than he paid for the one he got me. They have others in the price range if we want to play around with color and clarity.

I asked if he wanted to look there, just so that we can try to make a more informed decision. He thinks he''s okay with going, but not today. I called Quest to see what their store hours are, not realizing that you have to have an appointment, and I ended up setting up an appointment for tomorrow. I suppose I can cancel it if he decides he doesn''t want to go after all.

Oh, to complicate things, both of us are heading back to rural Virginia on Wednesday.

My mom realized that I was upset, and I told her some of what''s been going on. She thinks that I should pick my battles, that this shouldn''t be one of them, and wishes that I could take it back.

I''m not quite sure what kind of advice I''m asking for here, since it''s too late to ask whether I should talk to him, how to handle it, etc. What other steps should we try to take? Generally, how should we both handle this? Any emotional advice?

 

[JulieN]

I don't think this is a "battle." You two are working on it so you're both happy. There's no reason for you (or he) to be upset, because this can be fixed.

Oh, IGI should have more cut information! Can you look up the cert online by plugging in the numbers?

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Yikes...that''s quite a situation. In all honesty, I might be upset too. If he knew how important the ideal cut was to you and failed to come through, that can be a blow. Maybe he wanted to buy the ring because he was exciting and couldn''t wait to ask you etc etc. I''m still learning about all the grading reports and what they mean, so I''m actually not positive what ''ideal cut'' means, but anyway you can do one of two things. First, you could drop the subject and be disappointed in your engagement ring probably forever (unless he upgrades you in the future

) or you could stick with it and work it out. It sounds like your guy wants you to be in love with your ring and clearly you''re not. If he''s open to taking it back and finding something better, then you should do it. I agree with Virginia that his ego is probably already bruised, so seeing it through shouldn''t make it any worse. Follow your heart. I would feel guilty too (I posted a whiny story a few nights ago about how I''m not thrilled with the 1/2 carat stone I''ll probably be getting, even though I know nothing about it.) Just make sure J knows that you''re not engaged to be married just because of the hardware. In any event, I for one absolutely love the ring you have now, so it could be a lot worse. Good luck and keep us updated!

 

[indecisive]

I would be careful about "Signature Ideal". Who gave it that grade? Usually it is the person selling it so take it with a large grain of salt unless it is backed up with an AGS Ideal or a GIA Excellent. If you can get all the cut information and put it in the HCA and have people look at it first. I don''t think Quest has an idealscope but if I was buying a RB I would really want that. Another thing I thought I would tell you about is my experience with Quest. We had them give us a quote to make a setting telling them we would be bringing in an outside diamond and they were fine with it and gave us a quote. Then the place we were going to get the diamond from fell through and we had Quest bring us in 2 diamonds. One ended up being really bad (even Pete said so after he told us it was worth coming in to look at) and the other had a mis-cut facet and was off center. We told them we needed to think about it and we decided we just couldn''t live with those problems and we told them we would pay for having it called in. After that they jacked the price of the setting up about $300-400 above what they said it would cost before when we were bringing in an outside diamond after they told us buying the diamond wouldn''t affect the setting cost. It all worked out because we now have an amazing ring from WF and down the road we may get a setting like the one they were going to make but they lost our business. Things may go great with them for you guys but I just wanted to tell you about our experience with almost buying a diamond from them, since most people here have only used Quest for the setting, not the diamond. I think after your fiancé has a little time things will be better. He sounds a LOT like my fiancé in the way he is upset that he screwed it up. I also want to give you computer hugs because you are so sweet and this shouldn''t be a stressful time! I am sure things will be much better soon!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Hey Blen - I think you are both going about this in a very healthy way. He wanted to know if you weren''t 100% happy with the ring and you aren''t so you told him. Of course there is the disappointment for both of you but IMO if you just drop it the situation will worsen. All these questions about why would you bring it up only to drop it, knowing you still won''t be happy about it bla bla bla. Hopefully he will want to go to Quest and they will have the perfect diamond and all will be well without too much effort. Here''s hoping for you girl and let us know what happens!

 

[Blenheim]

Thanks for all of the advice. J''s sitting here with me and since he''s had about all he can handle diamond-wise today, I can''t spend too much time answering. Indecisive, the one diamond that I mentioned is listed as AGS000. It''s good to hear about your experience before meeting with them.

I''ll check in again later.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Hey, Blenheim,

This really isn''t where I normally hang out, but I happened to see your thread and was curious. I just wanted to say that it is best to deal with it now so you won''t be disappointed for years. I learned early on (as in when we were in college long ago) that I did not want him picking out jewlery for me because it was hard for me to fake being excited over something I didn''t love and it certainly wasn''t fun for him either. So I started picking out all my jewelry and make a list for him (or send links, etc.). I am picking out my anniversary rings now which is why I am on PS. I love it that he wants me to be completely happy and he is still paying for it, ya know?

They are right that Quest would have to call in stones for you to look at. But I''d try hard to get this resolved now while the other ring can be returned. Better to wait and get a great diamond than to keep one you''ll never be happy with. That''s the problem here, once you know about diamond quality, it is very hard to settle for less. I wouldn''t go through the trauma and expense of getting the current stone appraised..put that money toward a new stone! Good luck and please post on SMTR when you get it worked out!

(By the way, we go to Mountain Lake near Blacksburg every summer! Have you ever been there? We just love it!)

 

[Blenheim]

Indecisive and Virginia: I meant to ask, are there other B&Ms in the NoVa/DC area that you''d recommend?

 

[JulieN]

go to Bill at www.icemine.com

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Hi Blenhiem.

I''m sorry the stone isn''t absolutely taking your breath away. I''m also glad it''s not effected your excitement in being engaged to your man.

Did you like the stone *until* you saw the certificate on it? I''ve not been around much the past couple days, so I''m not sure if I missed something. Do you have a clear idea of what you don''t like about it? Mostly the cut?

This weekend I was thinking about what if I were to end up with a smaller diamond, if that ended up being what my boy did in order for us to be engaged sooner. For all I''ve said about not minding size, and that I prefer smaller, I had to admit I''d be a little sad if it was 1/3 carat. I felt really selfish and bad about it, but I didn''t want to always feel like I''d not gotten the 1/2 carat I wanted. The thing is, if I didn''t have a certificate telling me the size, I''m not sure I''d know, for sure if it was a 1/2 carat. I mean, if it was 1/4, I think I''d notice. Anyway, I don''t feel comfortable telling Paul that, either.

I feel for you, girl. I trust everything will work out just fine.

 

[indecisive]

I think James Allen would be a good choice since it is in MD and not too far away, plus they have access to all the virtual diamonds you can find on the "Pricescope my diamond" feature and you can have PSers help you look for it. They are very easy to work with and it would be out of state and although you are supposed to pay sales tax on it on your own no one will make you do it when you buy so you might be able to get a slightly larger/higher graded diamond. That said, Quest may still be a good option for you (AGS 000s are gorgeous!) but I just wanted you to know all sides and you will be paying the 5% sales tax. I really just want this all to work out for you in the best possible way! Fink's Jewelers in Northern VA is amazing but they are pretty inflated prices compared to PS vendors. Good luck with everything and keep us informed!

"go to Bill at www.icemine.com"

Bill is a great guy and he is really easy to talk to!! He works directly w/ Leon Mege and I am sure he has some amazing diamonds.

 

[FireGoddess]

He asked that you be honest when your time came (though I''m sure he thought you would love it and there would be no need

) and you did. I think you did a good thing because you are still within your return period and can retrieve your money and get something you DO love and will love ecstatically. What would be worse is saying ''I don''t like it'' after the return period and then you''re sorta stuck starting over. I''m sure it stings him a little bit now but the end result will be worth it and in years from now this will be a small and forgotten molehill, not a mountain. Just be careful of his feelings, and imagine how you would feel in his situation, but try to make yourself as happy as possible at the same time.

 

[MissGotRocks]

This is a ring that you have to wear for the rest of your life. It is important to have something that you both feel good about. Most men don''t know much about diamonds and we wouldn''t know as much either if it weren''t for PS. He asked and you told him how you felt. Good practice for many life experiences.

Whether it is right or wrong, it is done now. At this point, I think you should both go together and look at stones. He will be amazed that there is such a difference and probably be amazed that he can get so much better quality for the same or less money.

Be grateful that he cared enough to want to get engaged and marry you now. How wonderful that he went to find a ring for you by himself! Be grateful for the fact that he asked your opinion of the stone. Be grateful that he is willing to go take another look at other options. Believe me when I tell you that these are qualities you will be forever grateful for in a partner and in your marriage. I am sure his feelings are a bit hurt but he isn''t the first man that wandered into diamond territory without much information and didn''t come away with the best choice.

Best of luck to you both - kiss him and thank him for his efforts. From this point, the two of you together can look and decide if a ring swap is in order. Please come back and let us know what you decide!

 

[blueroses]

Hang in there kiddo--I don''t have any worthwhile advice, but I think you are being both proactive about your own needs and sensitive to your honey''s feelings so I''m sure you will have a happy outcome for both of you, even though it feels a litle ouch-y right now. Better to be honest NOW- ((HUGS))!!

 

[Rhapsody]

Even though the situation is crappy now, I''m sure it will be for the best in the end that you spoke up. His feelings may be hurt, but he wants you to be happy and will feel better *knowing* that you love your ring. He wanted you to tell him if you didn''t completely love your ring, and once the initial shock has worn off I''m sure he''ll be ok with it.

Good luck, and keep us updated!

 

[Blenheim]

This is a little bit off topic, but my mom and I went shopping for wedding books yesterday. One of the books that I picked up is called "The Conscious Bride," and I spent quite a bit of this morning reading it. The quick summary of what I''ve read so far is that each transition of life has three main phases -- a death phase, a transition phase, and a rebirth phase. In marriage, you''re dying as a single woman and as part of the family you grew up in, and you eventually grow into a wife and a member of a married couple. Even when like this is good and desired, you''re still left with feelings of loss and grief. Western culture promotes all sorts of happy emotions and events while kind of shoving grief and sadness to the side. Instead of having rituals to let your old life go, we expect brides to be joyous and happy. As a result, many feel isolated and try to channel their energy into the few outlets that society allows them. I''ve been on cloud nine since he proposed, and reading about the loss and grief associated with engagements probably hit me harder than I realized at the time.

Also a bit off topic, but I really cut up my thumb tonight. And it was on the sink. What kind of idiot cuts their finger on the sink? I was a little bit in shock, and also kind of laughing, because my mom cut herself on the same place of the sink a couple of weeks ago, and my dad kept asking who on earth mangages to cut themself on the sink? And I started hyperventilating to the point where my dad (a doctor) was afraid that I was going to pass out, and we were trying to figure out if the cut was deep enough to warrant a visit to the emergency room. It wasn''t. We finally got the bleeding under control, but it''s still throbbing. In short, I feel like I''ve been a complete mess today.

I''ve also gotten used to being home and don''t really feel like going back to school on Wednesday, and the fact that we''re moving makes me feel pressured to solve any potential problems/concerns now. And while FI and I haven''t told a single person who goes to my school about the engagement (since I was going to announce it at a ring ceremony), people have somehow found out. I got a phone call tonight from a girl who rarely talks to me, telling me that she wants to see my ring.

Date: 5/8/2006 7:25:21 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Did you like the stone *until* you saw the certificate on it?

I loved the stone when I first got it. It has a lot more fire and scintillation than most diamonds I have seen, and it was both larger and whiter than I expected. I had never seen fluorescence before, and thought it was really cool. The most reservation that I had was that in some lights, the middle looks a bit dark. The problem is that while I''ve looked a lot online and on PS, I''ve done little with real live diamonds. I don''t trust my eye.

Right after I saw the certificate, we decided to go on a walk. It''s been grey and drizzling and yucky all day. The diamond wasn''t sparkling all that much, although I''m not sure how much I should expect in those lighting conditions. I think that the grey weather, combined with everything else, hit me a little hard.

Date: 5/8/2006 5:43:03 PM
Author: JulieN
Oh, IGI should have more cut information! Can you look up the cert online by plugging in the numbers?

I plugged in the numbers online, but they didn''t have any more information than was on the card. The card does say, "For a detailed Gemological Appraisal Report regarding this article contact IGI with the SOA number." I''m wondering if I should call during business hours and ask. I noticed that the sample IGI report on the Diamond Tutorial here had more information than the one that I have.

Date: 5/8/2006 6:05:58 PM
Author: IrishAngel7982
Maybe he wanted to buy the ring because he was exciting and couldn''t wait to ask you etc etc.

That''s exactly what happened. I knew that I was getting a little impatient, but I didn''t realize that he was feelng the same way until I talked to him tonight. He had originally planned on buying it in February, but it just didn''t work out. The next time he was in the area, it was to catch a flight out of Dulles. He left enough time to look at several stores. From the ones he chose to go to (from family and friends'' recommendations), he decided that he just couldn''t afford what I was asking for. Suddenly, the fact that he mentioned upgrading at least three times before even proposing makes so much more sense. And I feel awful, because he extended himself financially much more than I expected and even much more than I feel comfortable with. Granted, he''s going to be making much more money starting in June so I don''t think it will have any long term effect on his finances.


This is getting really long, so I''m going to just hit submit and then try to answer more questions.

 

[Mara]

take it back...

having been there, done that with a stone i didn't love later...having regrets like that will just eat away at you over time. if you feel like you already are unhappy with the stone then you won't become any happier with it nor will it become more ideal cut later.

you are still in the window, you already were honest about it, and he is mulling it over so he is at least open to the idea. i would keep stressing that you are excited about marrying and spending the rest of your life with him, BUT the ring is a very real item and if you are going to keep it for many years, then be 100000% happy with it.

i would check out quest, bill, whoever else is in the area. don't just buy on the spot from anyone. try not to let emotion take you away so that you buy something there. get more information and a sarin on any stones you consider. signature ideal to me doesn't mean anything but a potentially good stone. you have the chance to make this right and one chance most likely only..make it count and get an amazing stone that really speaks to you and has the specs you really want and the performance that you desire. you won't regret it...and he will most likely be knocked off his feet when he sees the difference between an okay stone and a very excellently cut stone. that is how i convinced greg that there was a difference between okay and great. visuals make a huge difference!

anyway good luck, i'd be tender with the fiance and hopefully you will both end up with something fabulous in the end that you both adore. whether it's your original stone or you finding something better that you both like, either way just be happy with it. good luck gal!

 

[Blenheim]

My thoughts are just all over the place and I''m trying to get to everything.

My mom told FI that she didn''t think that my bridezilla mode would last more than a week, and just try to get through it.

The most I knew about the cost of the diamond when I posted earlier came from my showing him a couple of diamonds that Quest lists on their site, and asking if he paid more or less than the ones in the range I showed him. We talked a little more tonight, and it turns out that I thought he was talking strictly about the diamond, but he actually was including the setting in the price. I feel a lot less like he got ripped off, but I''m still not sure about IGI in general.

In retrospect, instead of voicing doubts, I should have done a little in-store shopping on my own and then decided if it was actually a problem. FI and I haven''t been able to see each other much since I had surgery, because of the distance, and I''ve been wanting to spend as much time as possible with him before we both go back to school.

Date: 5/8/2006 8:44:19 PM
Author: FireGoddess
He asked that you be honest when your time came (though I''m sure he thought you would love it and there would be no need

) and you did.

He said that it hit him much much harder than he had expected it to. When we had talked about what women, in general, should do if the ring isn''t really want they wanted, we were talking about threads where "timeless" turned into what looks like a men''s ring and threads where the BF/FI (might have) gotten yellow gold instead of platinum. He thought that he had tried to get as good of an idea of my tastes and what I wanted as possible, and that he had fulfilled them (outside of the cut). And he really did try. He knew exactly what setting I wanted and ended up having to get it specially ordered, which added to the time it took to make the ring. And he honestly thought that he couldn''t afford what I had asked for.

Another related issue that might affect where we could even get a replacement diamond if we decided to switch is that he is using a payment plan. It''s 0% interest for the first year, and he expects that he can pay it off in full over the summer once he starts working full-time. I''m not sure what sorts of plans the other vendors listed have. He won''t accept any help from me monetarily, even if it''s just a loan. He wants it to be a gift from him.

Date: 5/8/2006 6:45:08 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
(By the way, we go to Mountain Lake near Blacksburg every summer! Have you ever been there? We just love it!)

I''ve never been. I have a list of things in that big general area of Virginia that I want to do before I graduate, and it just hit me that I won''t get to do most of them before I graduate. Rafting down the river, for example, is HUGE at my school and I haven''t gone yet. And I''m not so sure that it''s the best thing to do post-surgery. If I were around longer, I''d have to check it out.


Regarding stores and the diamonds mentioned:
Thank you so much for giving me all of that information. I''m still not sure if we''re going to try to get a different diamond, but it will be very useful if we do.

We talked a little more about Quest before he left, and we''re both wondering if we should cancel the appointment for now. The whole discussion started by my saying that I just want to compare my diamond to some different ideal cuts, because there was some doubt in my mind (largely because I''m inexperienced enough that I don''t trust my own eyes), and it got a bit blown out of proportion. We tried to focus again, and think it would be good to go to a larger store where we can see a variety without feeling any pressure to buy. I know that Quest gives so much personal attention, and I feel a bit bad going in there just to look. (Although, depending on what we see, we may end up wanting to buy. I just don''t know yet.)


I''m sure that there are things I meant to answer but haven''t yet, but it''s getting really late and I need to get to bed. I''ll be back in the morning.

Thank you so much for all of the support.

 

[diamondfan]

I cannot add much and will be repetitive, but I think this is so important! You will be wearing this each day and should be so thrilled, knowing the ring is a symbol of it all, you should love the representation!

You are in the return time. He ASKED how you felt. You answered. This can be a learning experience for future situations. You cannot take it back, you cannot unring a bell (no offense to your mom). Better to be dealing with it from a place of strength, and make it right as best you both can now. You do not want it to come out years from now "And by the way I have never really liked my ring..." type of thing. (which is what I did, when I finally accepted the fact that I did NOT love it)...bottom line, you two love one another. What matters in the big picture is getting married and being together. that said, you are not thrilled, but this is an EASY thing to resolve. Return it while you have the time to do do, and get something you both can feel good about! I agree with battle picking in a marriage and as a parent, but this is too important to let slide...

 

[Blenheim]

Mara, I just saw your post and think that we should go to Quest after all. I''ll try to call around tomorrow morning and see if we can get appointments at other places on such short notice.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Blenhiem,

If it''s really something you think you don''t love, or won''t love, then yeah, look around with your boy to find good places to shop. Maybe it''s more about the emotional side of being engaged, initially, though. A co-worker told me about her diamond, and when she got it, she LOVED it. Then she noticed a black dot in the center of it, and it made her upset. She ran the gammant of being happy, sad, bewildered, all of it. But then, in a few days, she just thought of it is a sign that the diamond was real. I can''t even see it, unless she points to it with the tip of a paperclip. Even now, I can''t find it on my own. Anyway, I guess depending on how long the return policy is, just take it in stride. I mean, you were *so* happy to begin with, and if a certificate is all that made you not happy-- well, I don''t know. Like I said, I''d probably be exstatic with anything, then if I saw a cert that made me raise my eyebrows, I can''t say how I''d react. But I do hope things work out and settle down. And I''m sure your boy is *trying* to understand the situation and your emotions, and that in itself is a blessing!

Happy day to you!!

 

[Mandarine]

I guess my advice might be a little different than everyone elses....but again, I''m not a huge jewelry girl. While I do agree that you have to love the setting....and you do, it looks like the stone is close to what you wanted. I don''t know, to me the engagement ring is a symbol...maybe is a difference in cultures. Please don''t get me wrong and I hope I''m not offending anyone. I would just feel horrible if I was your fiance.

Like you said, this is the one thing he had to do...and he has someone point out how he completely messed up. I don''t think he completely messed up....maybe didn''t realize how much knowledge and reserach went into buying a diamond, but he obviously bought what he thought was best.

If you hated the setting (like a post in Rocky Talky were this girl got a ring that looked like a man''s ring) then I guess I would feel differently. But to be looking at the specs of the diamond, I don''t know...I guess my own personal feeling is that I just wouldn''t do it. I actually wouldn''t care.

I would feel bad that this is suppossed to be the time when he made you the happiest woman and you two should be on Cloud 9, but instead he feels bad because he "messed up" and you feel bad for bringing it up. Was he not open to shop together?. I''m not shopping with my BF, but I don''t really care about the specs as long as it is the setting I want, the shape I want and close to the size I want. But again, he might know more about diamonds than me! hehe

Anyway. That''s just my .02....but everyone is different. If this really bothers you that much and he''s ok with re-visiting this process, then you know your relationship best.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do!. I think the ring looks gorgeous on you!

M~

 

[allycat0303]

Blenheim,

Hard situation. Well since you loved it when your first saw it, and would have continued loving it if you hadn''t seen the certificate, I think it''s a shame that you saw the cert! Kind of ruins it for you.

If it were me, I would go with my boyfriend''s feelings, gauge how he is taking it and act from there. I think it would have been different if he had bought you something that you POINT BLANK did not want (like if he had bought a marquise) but in this case, he tried very hard to find something you liked. If I felt that me changing the ring/returning it would make him feel bad or anything, I wouldn''t do it. But if he doesn''t mind, then go ahead (forget about your mom, she''s outside of your relationship)

In any case, a little sidenote, when my boyfriend bought my engagement ring, I was very involved in the process, knew the stone, designed the setting etc. And the ring was what I wanted. But I''ve been engaged for 6 months, and I realize, that I don''t have the same attachment to an eternity band my boyfriend surprised me with 3 years ago. It''s got maul certificate G-H, SI2 quality, and I doubt very much ideal cut diamonds. But I love it, because it was complete surprise, something that he picked out himself, for me. It''s got about 0.5 carats of diamonds, but if I ever lost it, I would totally, and completely devestated. And my engagement ring...uhmmm.... not so much. In any case, make sure your totally ok with returning it (and that you don''t have any sentimental attachements to it).......that being said, since he already knows you don''t like it, then I think there''s no harm in continuing on this path.

Good luck!

 

[Mara]

Blen you have lots of advice, I guess what I would say which I hope really resonates for you is to go with your heart. What do you really want in your heart? Regardless of what I or others would do, we''re not in your relationship, we''re not with your boyfriend.... again all I say is in the future to be sure you are going to be 100% happy with the outcome. This is a diamond forum and specs are really important to some people for their e-ring stone (I am one of those people, having learned the hard way...) and others may not care, a ring pop would do. But once you get sucked into caring about specs and all that, it''s hard to go back. So don''t feel bad IF that is where you are at, tread lightly with the boyfriend and his feelings but I would encourage to at least keep looking around and researching, maybe in the end you will find you really do still love your stone regardless. Or maybe not and you can act accordingly. I think that the guys'' can get their fragile male egos hurt sometimes when it comes to the ring, but for me it''s totally not a sentimental object and once my thenfiance realized that I felt that way, it took some of the burden off of HIM to feel that way and he realized he didn''t really view it that way either! Now he is as into the specs and numbers and all that as I am..so it works out. But part of that is time and education on their part as well..it''s not about something being ''not good enough''...because I am more analytical than most. Anyway I am rambling, but I think you should go with your heart, and don''t let any outside influences, aka mom or bf or us or whatever sway you if you feel you HAVE to see what else is out there. In the end it may just lead you back to your original stone!

 

[Mannequin]

Blenheim-

Just found this and now have time to respond. I am so sorry that the stone is not what you expected. I know my new FI (

) would have been confused and maybe a little hurt if I said that there was something wrong with the ring he just gave me. I was involved in the whole process of choosing my setting and the shape of my center stone, and I have not seen the cert on the RB yet. I think, though, that if there is something wrong that needed to be fixed, he would be accepting and accomodating knowing that this ring represents more than just the time going into choosing it. It''s our past, present and future, all tied up in physical form. I hope that you and your new FI (

) are able to collaborate on choosing a new stone soon. The fact that you are both seemingly able to discuss and address this in a calm and productive manner is reassuring. Good luck, sweetheart!

Who is the author of "The Conscious Bride," by the way? Sounds like good reading...

 

[JenStone]

Blen, I''m so sorry to hear what''s happened. I haven''t had time to read what everyone else wrote, but I think in the long run, both you and your fiance will be happier with another ring. His reaction is completely understandable but it''s great that he''s not opposed to returning the ring. I hope that everything works out great for you.

P.S. - If you do end up going to James Allen, tell me how it goes! There is a diamond on their website I''ve been eyeing...I live in Baltimore so I''d like to go visit them one of these days.

 

[sk8rjen]

Blen -- No matter what comes of this ring, I hope you and your fiance are still ecstatically happy to be newly engaged!! That''s what''s most important!

jen

 

[E B]

Blen,

I'm sorry about your ring conundrum. What I would do, in all honesty (if I were you) is if you replace your ring, try to change as little of it as possible. It's incredibly sweet that FI just wanted to propose to you as soon as possible, and telling him that the ring is perfect *except* for the diamond's cut might be better than saying "well, you could get bigger AND better for your money", know what I mean?

Will JB Robinson take back the stone only? If so, I'd keep the setting and find another stone of that size (around .5 carat) and have a jeweler (or a great PS vendor) set an ideal stone into it. If you go looking for bigger stones (and different settings), it might really hurt his feelings. Regarding payment plans, I know Whiteflash let my FI pay for the stone in 3 increments, but if your FI went this way, you'd have to wait for the stone until it was fully paid. We had to!

Here's a great stone that might still fit your original setting. I'm guessing it's also quite a bit cheaper than the stone your FI purchased (which is a plus!):
http://www.whiteflash.com/diamonds/diamond_Details.aspx?itemcode=AGS-7088903

Does this sound like something FI would do? Explain to him that you're so happy to be engaged, but you want your *forever* ring (unless you're planning to upgrade) to be as sparkly as it can be.

 

[Blenheim]

Update

Quick summary: We''ve returned the original ring and are working with Quest on a new one.


FI came over this morning feeling much better about everything. We decided to keep the afternoon Quest appointment, which left the morning free. We went to Charleston Alexander just to look. The lady who was working with us brought out a couple H&As, and we put the different ones in those open temp settings on my hand next to my original e-ring. There was a very noticable difference. FI suddenly realized why I care about cut and how much of a difference it can make He also started to get more excited about looking. The diamonds we looked at were very much out of our price range, but it was very informative for both of us.

We then met with Peter (Pete?) at Quest. FI and I both really liked him and feel a lot better about the experience. We had a long talk about cut and what I want out of both a diamond and a setting. We found multiple promising stones that are within FI''s budget and Peter''s going to do a little more research. They were extremely willing to work with our budget and with our schedule. (We''re both leaving the area tomorrow, but FI''s coming back twice in the next two or three weeks.)

FI and I finally decided that he''s going to work with Quest from here on. They didn''t have much with the specs that we wanted in, but they''re going to call in several diamonds that look promising and FI''s going to look at all of them next week. We''re trying to stick close to the original size/color/clarity.

We were originally planning on keeping the original setting (and Peter said that they could set the new diamond lower, which made me happy), but we still needed to see if we could return just the stone and not the setting. The original jewelers didn''t want to talk about it on the phone, so we drove on out to Fair Oaks and met with them. While they could take back just the diamond, it would take them two weeks to take it out of the setting (??). They also wouldn''t let the guys at Quest just take it out for us. In our second visit of the day to Quest, Peter offered to work with us on the setting. We returned the whole ring (diamond and setting) to the original jewelers, and we''re working with Quest from here on out. They''re probably going to custom design a setting for us. Like the diamond, we''re trying to stick with something close to the original ring. I love all of Quest''s work that I''ve seen, and I''m very excited that I''ll have one of my own.

FI seems to be feeling very very good about it all. He''s seen what he can get for his money and realizes that we could have a gorgeous ring that we both love and can very proud of. I''m also leaving it up to FI and Peter, so he''s still having control over it and it''s still from him.

FI and I talked a little about how to pay for it, and since yesterday he''s become much more receptive to the possibility of me chipping in. I''m not buying it or part of it, but offering him a zero interest loan that he can pay me back when he starts working, so it''s still a gift entirely from him.

FI: "You want an upgrade within 4 days of getting the ring? What has Pricescope done to you?"

(He was joking.)

I also got to see my first asscher today.

Very pretty, but we''re both glad that we decided on an RB in the end.

 

[blueroses]

Woohoo!!! This is great news, Blenheim!! Your first ring was lovely, but now you''ll have a stone and setting that will really sing to you and fit all of both your and your fiance''s parameters.....and how exciting to be there together when that light bulb went off in his head about "OH, THIS is what cut is about!"

So great that you guys really communicated and worked together on this!! YAY!!!!