My sadness just gets worse by the day...

[dianne]

Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hoping things are better for you in all ways. Continued hugs and prayers....

 

[MommaBear]

pichuchy21, i''m so sorry that you lost your mother.

the memories of her will always be with you. thank goodness she was abe to be a part of your wedding.
displacement is the hardest stage of grief. you''re use to her being there for you. your use to having someone to talk to; someone you trusted.
The pain and emptiness wont'' go away. After awhile; the feeling becomes normal and you become use to it.
But you''ll go on because your mother would have wanted you to. She would want to see you there for your husband and your dog.
Her life ended sooner than it should have. But should yours be hopeless and lonely? You''ll go on and live a good life.
You''ll be able to do things in your life that will honor her and make her proud. The only way to go about this is to live life and live strong.
Always remember her and the life she lived; not the life she lost.

Best regards
MB

 

[pichuchy21]

Skippy, Dianne, Mommabear Thanks for checking in on me. I haven''t been online as much because I am swamped with school. It is literally taking up all of my time in a good way though. It keeps me busy and leaves me less time to think about how sad I feel knowing that my mom is gone. Things have been a bit crazy I started having what my therapist called night terrors and luckily I havent had any this week. I am back to sleeping with the night light on, but it really does make me feel better. The night terrors are freaky I wake up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs for no reason and just terrified I feel really scared, but dont know why. Its really weird. I just hope it doesn''t happen to me again. Also my sister and I discovered that my stepdad wasn''t the loyal man he potrayed himself to be which is really sad cause I just keep thinking about my poor mom and if she knew about it. I went to the mall the other night with my hisband and broke down in tears when I saw the thanksgiving decor in the store. It reminded me of my mom and how much she loved the holidays. This healing process is gonna be a long one, but school is really helping out. I will keep you guys posted. Thanks again for listening to me.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 9/16/2008 10:56:52 PM
Author: pichuchy21
Skippy, Dianne, Mommabear Thanks for checking in on me. I haven''t been online as much because I am swamped with school. It is literally taking up all of my time in a good way though. It keeps me busy and leaves me less time to think about how sad I feel knowing that my mom is gone. Things have been a bit crazy I started having what my therapist called night terrors and luckily I havent had any this week. I am back to sleeping with the night light on, but it really does make me feel better. The night terrors are freaky I wake up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs for no reason and just terrified I feel really scared, but dont know why. Its really weird. I just hope it doesn''t happen to me again. Also my sister and I discovered that my stepdad wasn''t the loyal man he potrayed himself to be which is really sad cause I just keep thinking about my poor mom and if she knew about it. I went to the mall the other night with my hisband and broke down in tears when I saw the thanksgiving decor in the store. It reminded me of my mom and how much she loved the holidays. This healing process is gonna be a long one, but school is really helping out. I will keep you guys posted. Thanks again for listening to me.

Pichuchy, Oh honey, I am sorry about the night terrors and hope they are gone and sorry to find that news out about your father. I am glad you sound like you have a therapist that is helping, a good hubby and that school is keeping you busy. You remain in my prayers and thoughts. Glad you checked in and please check in from time to time. Hugs!!!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Thanks for posting again, Pich.

I continue to hope that things smooth out for you soon. It''s so good to know you have such a strong and bountiful support system. Your mom hasn''t left you if you hold to her memories. Share them with others, and that seems to help.

Take it easy...

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 9/16/2008 10:56:52 PM
Author: pichuchy21
Skippy, Dianne, Mommabear Thanks for checking in on me. I haven't been online as much because I am swamped with school. It is literally taking up all of my time in a good way though. It keeps me busy and leaves me less time to think about how sad I feel knowing that my mom is gone. Things have been a bit crazy I started having what my therapist called night terrors and luckily I havent had any this week. I am back to sleeping with the night light on, but it really does make me feel better. The night terrors are freaky I wake up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs for no reason and just terrified I feel really scared, but dont know why. Its really weird. I just hope it doesn't happen to me again. Also my sister and I discovered that my stepdad wasn't the loyal man he potrayed himself to be which is really sad cause I just keep thinking about my poor mom and if she knew about it. I went to the mall the other night with my hisband and broke down in tears when I saw the thanksgiving decor in the store. It reminded me of my mom and how much she loved the holidays. This healing process is gonna be a long one, but school is really helping out. I will keep you guys posted. Thanks again for listening to me.

I am glad to hear you're keeping busy with school. Sometimes it helps to throw yourself into something & it's good that you have a positive outlet like that.

So sorry to hear about what happened at the mall. Holidays are often a sad time for people so you are not alone. With time, you may be able to look back on the things that you know she would like and smile. I personally think that our loved ones are still with us in that sense. Whenever that happens to me (with my grandma), I still feel her presence in a bittersweet way. *hugs*

 

[museikchik]

Pichuchy21, I was reading this post and just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I lost my brother about a year and a half ago to leukemia. He was diagnosed in Feb 2006 was in remission in December and then in January of 2007 we found out that all of the chemo treatments were not working. It was really hard watching all of that happen and it really killed my family. Reading everyone''s responses to your thread made me cry. I can honestly tell you that a year and a half later I still feel the same as I did when he passed away. I can go weeks and be ok and then one little thing will remind me of him and I will totally lose it. I personally never went to any counseling sessions because I didn''t think they would help. Right after my brother passed, there was a social worker that worked for the hospice company that gave care to my brother. I didn''t really like talking to him about it. I just think it is soo hard for someone to understand what you are going through when they don''t know anything about the person you lost.

I think that it is great that you want to do something to honor your mom. I just received a mailer from the Leukemia and Lymphoma society about participating in a walk. I think that I am going to ask my other brother if he will do it with me. I think that it will be a good experience for us and we will be raising money to hopefully find a cure so others won''t have to experience the loss that we did.

When my brother passed away, I was working full-time and going to school full-time. I quit my job and decided to focus on school which was really hard. I cried on my graduation day because I looked up at my family and there was an empty seat where my brother should have been. I am sorry I am not trying to ramble on but I just wanted you to know that it is going to take awhile for you to heal.

I also was reading about your husband. My FI and I have been going out for 9 years and he knew my brother very well. Even he didn''t know what to do or say to try to make me feel any better. Sometimes he would just sit there and hold me while I cried and would tell me that I was a good person for caring so much about my brother. As silly as it sounds, it really did help me just to have someone there to just listen. My thoughts and prayers are with you. *hugs*

 

[kittybean]

Pichuchy, I just saw this thread, and I wanted to tell you I''m so sorry for your loss. Your love for your mother is so obvious in your words, and it''s very touching. I''m in tears imagining what kind of sorrow you feel. My mother is my greatest friend, and I, too, would be beyond devastated if I were in your shoes. Please know that you''re in my prayers, and I hope that you begin to feel some peace soon.