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My Life Changes Tomorrow...

sledge

Ideal_Rock
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Apr 23, 2018
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Wow, I am humbled by your kind words. Thank you so much. :kiss2:

Yesterday we spent most the day traveling back home. One of the highlights was stopping by a Bed Bath & Beyond. One of J's new gifts was a bedroom makeover. We wanted to buy all the stuff ahead of time but felt she needed a voice in the style/colors so that she could truly make the space her own which we thought would help her settle in. She was so excited and was beaming ear to ear. Also, while in the store, she called me "dad" to get my attention. Not going to lie, melted my heart a little.

After making a late arrival, we put up the tree together and decorated it. Growing up, we used to buy an ornament each year to put on the tree. I still have all mine, and the fiancee and I started this tradition in our relationship. So naturally, we had to include J.

Our ornament:

2018ornament1.jpg

J's ornament:

2018ornament2.jpg

Today has been a relaxing and lazy day. We have plans with other family & friends later in the week, but wanted this day for us three. We did gifts this morning, smoked a ham, finished setting her room up, watched some movies, showed her how to use the popcorn maker and played with the dogs. My chocolate lab, Stella, absolutely loves J and decided last night that sleeping with her new sister was way cooler than sleeping with mom & dad. Seems to be the case tonight too -- such a traitor, lol.

From our family to yours -- Merry Christmas!!!
 

Austina

Ideal_Rock
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It sounds like it’s all going really well @sledge and that you’re a perfect fit for each other.
 

Ellen

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2018ornament2-jpg.666640


Perfect. :clap:
 

House Cat

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This has truly warmed my heart. I love the way you are protecting her heart and spirit with her bio mom. This touched me most of all. Congratulations on your new family.
 

pearaffair

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So I may have hinted at this in a few other threads, but Saturday is a life changing event for me.

Me and my fiancee will become legal guardians to a 14 year old girl. For now we will call her J. After we are married, our plan is to legally adopt her. This wasn't something we were seeking out to do. My fiancee specializes in family & children trauma so has resources & knowledge with these types of situations.

While we were visiting Houston a few weekends ago, my fiancee got a call asking for help in finding J a new home. We know J and her 2 siblings and our hearts were broken to hear of the news as these are all good kids. While we were not asked to intervene in the situation, but rather just provide some resources, we talked it over and decided that we would like to help J if she was open to the idea. The other 2 siblings have permanent homes and will not be joining us.

We had some conversations with J and her temporary guardians and everyone is agreeable to the situation. Since this is not a foster situation there appears to be less red tape, although we are seeking legal counsel to ensure things are up to snuff.

With that said, we head out tomorrow for a Christmas cabin vacation and on our way out we pick up J. I'm super excited, nervous and scared all at the same time. I can only imagine she must be feeling the same, or worse. :confused2:

Never done this so wish me luck.

Wow!!! Best wishes to you all! You’ve warmed my heart.
 

pearaffair

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Also, I’m a newish parent and my mom friends agree that parenting is the best AND the worst thing ever! ;-)

So if it’s ever hard, know that you’re doing it right. That’s just how it is.”These are the best years remembered” says my friend’s dad :)

Enjoy!!!
 

pearaffair

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Just read all the posts again. My heart has grown three times bigger <3
 

rockysalamander

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As you might guess from my quilty posts, kids in need and foster care are my soft spot. You are amazing to offer this girl a home and family. Know that there will be days when you question that choice, as we all do with any teenager :twisted2:, but she needs you. She needs the safety and stability. She needs consistency and love. She'll test you to see if you really "mean it." Will you still be there if she does X or Y naughty thing? Just keep being there. Thanks for sharing with us. What a difference I see in you from your first post to now. I'm such a proud glittery fairy (though you were clearly pretty wonderful before finding PS).
 

farrahlyn

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As you might guess from my quilty posts, kids in need and foster care are my soft spot. You are amazing to offer this girl a home and family. Know that there will be days when you question that choice, as we all do with any teenager :twisted2:, but she needs you. She needs the safety and stability. She needs consistency and love. She'll test you to see if you really "mean it." Will you still be there if she does X or Y naughty thing? Just keep being there. Thanks for sharing with us. What a difference I see in you from your first post to now. I'm such a proud glittery fairy (though you were clearly pretty wonderful before finding PS).

I was was thinking the same thing as rocky. after the "honeymoon" period, she will get comfortable with you both and there will be tests of your patience and love. I think the hardest part of parenting is sticking to your guns when your kid tells you that you're not their friend anymore or that they don't love you (which hurts to hear and my response is "well that's ok because i love you enough for the both of us") because of X, Y or Z. Be firm while reassuring her of your love. Sounds like in just a few days, you've already crossed some huge hurdles by supporting her wishes with bio mom. i can only imagine how secure she feels knowing she has the both of you firmly on her side. I hope 2019 brings wonderful things for your newly formed family!
 

Ellen

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I was was thinking the same thing as rocky. after the "honeymoon" period, she will get comfortable with you both and there will be tests of your patience and love. I think the hardest part of parenting is sticking to your guns when your kid tells you that you're not their friend anymore or that they don't love you (which hurts to hear and my response is "well that's ok because i love you enough for the both of us") because of X, Y or Z. Be firm while reassuring her of your love. Sounds like in just a few days, you've already crossed some huge hurdles by supporting her wishes with bio mom. i can only imagine how secure she feels knowing she has the both of you firmly on her side. I hope 2019 brings wonderful things for your newly formed family!
One can also say, that's ok because my job is not to be your friend, it's ultimately to be your parent.
 

CareBear

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@sledge What you and your fiance are doing for J is beyond selfless! We all already know you are an awesome guy from your posts, but WOW, what a HUGE heart!!! Happy holidays to you and your family!
 

farrahlyn

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One can also say, that's ok because my job is not to be your friend, it's ultimately to be your parent.

YES, i tell this to my daughter, she is just 6 and gets her feelings hurt when we are tough on her. Girls. . . . so much more emotional than boys. My son is older than her (9) and there is a clear cut difference in how they act and react.

Just adding to the whole "job" comment. I am constantly reminding my son when he feels we are being hard on him that it is our job to raise him to be a good man and that we are hard on him because we love him and take that job seriously.
 

kmoro

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@sledge wow that is wonderful!!!! Congratulations!!! Good Luck!!!!!!
And I echo all the wonderful sentiments of the many people in this thread.
What an amazing time for you!
Thank you for sharing the happy!!!!
:appl:
 

Ellen

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YES, i tell this to my daughter, she is just 6 and gets her feelings hurt when we are tough on her. Girls. . . . so much more emotional than boys. My son is older than her (9) and there is a clear cut difference in how they act and react.

Just adding to the whole "job" comment. I am constantly reminding my son when he feels we are being hard on him that it is our job to raise him to be a good man and that we are hard on him because we love him and take that job seriously.
Exactly.
Uhhuh.gif
 

sledge

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It's been a few days and I just wanted to provide an update. We got back from the cabin and then we all started getting sick. Ugh. Tried to jump on top of it -- went to doc, got shots, antibiotics, etc. It didn't work.

J has really warmed up to us. Calling us mom & dad frequently. Lots of hugs, I love you's, etc. The other night we watched a scary movie and she crawled on the couch between us and took turns cuddling with me or the fiancee. She has a very sweet spirit.

Bio mom and grandma continue to be problematic. We are working through the issues, but I am hesitant to say much more until things are resolved.
 

MissGotRocks

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Sounds like there is some real good bonding going on - sorry to hear you are all sick though.

Best of luck as the three of you move forward!
 

Bron357

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I love the jigsaw piece...
darn it...
I’ve now got them prickles in my eyes and oops, now they are leaking all down my face :geek2:
 

LinSF

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Beautiful, I am so happy for you all! :cry2:
 

MamaBee

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I could tell from your posts that you were a good man..the way you talk about your fiancé, etc. This selfless act by you and your fiancé warmed my heart tonight. She is a very lucky girl! Congratulations!
 

Weecam

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I look forward to your updates @sledge. You and your fiancé opening your hearts and home to J is simply amazing. She’s very lucky to have both of you!
 

sledge

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Thank you all for the kind & encouraging words. It truly means alot.

I have to say that although not deep into this yet, it is just phenomenal the love and gratitude I have for this little girl. She has touched my life in ways I didn't know existed. Stupid stuff like watching all the god awful Twilight movies with her because she enjoys them so much. Making popcorn together. Picking on my fiance together. Having YouTube music video challenges and sing/dance offs. All the hugs and I love you's. But perhaps my favorite is simply when she calls me "dad". Three letters, one word and one syllabus that weakens a giant.

Yesterday was a big victory for us. Since picking up J, we have had some struggles with bio grandparents and mom. There has been massive confusion about her legal guardianship status. Much of what we were initially told was incorrect. Yesterday, after spending all day in various courts we finally got before a judge that commended us for our efforts, approved and signed all temp guardianship papers and put us on her priority hearing for permanent guardianship in a few weeks. Given the complexity of the situation that was the most perfect outcome we could have hoped to achieve.

As we were going to file all the papers the judge signed with the court clerk, J was skipping down the halls with ear to ear smiles. It was apparent she was relieved and happy with the outcome. I paused a moment and fiancee looked at me and told me to hold it together, lol. I'm not a super emotional person but that got to me for some reason.

We did get her enrolled today so I'm sure more adventures are coming our way. Stay tuned. :cool2:
 

Bron357

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Dad - oh dear, those stingy things in my eyes are back!
Such a marvelous story and thank you for sharing it with us, your virtual friends.
There is nothing in this world, not even the worlds biggest diamond (sapphire or ruby) that matches the joy of parenthood. It’s not all sunshine and roses of course but that’s the beauty of love and life.
May you all love hard and deep and grow into the very best you can be.
 

MamaBee

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I’m so happy for your update on how things are going for your little family. It sounds like she is really enjoying being loved and part of your family. This must be a dream come true for her. I was so touched that you love her as your daughter already. She can feel that and it must be like balm to her soul and heart..
BTW..I’m no teenager but I got hooked on those Twilight movies! :lol:
 

HappyNewLife

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oh wow, I missed the original post. Wow, this makes me so happy. I'm so glad she finally has a chance to be loved and to succeed in life. If we actually had room for more people in this house, I'd want to foster/adopt, specifically a disabled child. But alas, we are full of humans (and dogs) in this house (and sadly, most overseas orphanages will not let same sex couples adopt - even disabled children).
 

KaeKae

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I saw your original posting, and now am catching up. Oh, my, I am so happy for all of you!
 

Ellen

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:appl: So glad to hear things continue to go well sledge.
 

missy

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Thanks for the happy update @sledge. So thrilled for all of you.:appl:
 
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