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My girlfriend is dying what should I do with the ring?

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wwwang

Rough_Rock
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Oct 31, 2006
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This is sad but I gave her the ring and now found she has serious disease and is dying (in weeks or months). I love her and would like to do whatever is appropriate for her sake, even if I have to burn the ring into ash. Would diamond burn? What is the best way to handle this? Please give me some ideas. Thank you guys.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 17, 2005
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11,016
I am so sorry. Is there nothing that can be done?

I am not sure what you are asking...I would let her keep it and not think about this right now.

I am hoping she is not suffering...how sad for you guys and her family.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Oct 30, 2002
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31,003
why are you asking what is appropriate for the ring?

don't worry about the ring...that is the last thing you should be thinking of. take care of your girlfriend and spend as much time as possible with her if she truly only has very limited time with you. i'm sorry and best wishes.
 

Kaleigh

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Nov 18, 2004
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29,570
Focus on your girlfriend, be there for her. Make every day count, and try to make them special for her. The ring shouldn't even be on your radar right now... I am so very sorry you are going through this. But keep your focus on HER. That's most important!!!
 

wwwang

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Thank you guys. I AM focusing on her and taking care of her everyday. The ring talk is just a little side talk, a distraction, since I was thinking of burning the ring with her. She is weak. But otherwise not particularly suffering physically. Thanks again.
 

diamondfan

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11,016
I just say let her enjoy having been given it. There is no need to decide more than that right now.

I am really sorry that this is happening. Whatever is wrong I hope she does not have pain and suffering, but it is just a terribly tragic thing no matter what. My heart breaks to hear something like this.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I agree with diamondfan though I don''t think there is any ''appropriate'' way to handle the whole thing. Maybe you can ask her what she''d like to have happen and go with her wishes. Best of luck and my prayers are with her, you and her family.
 

Kaleigh

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I'd ask her what her wishes are. I wish you well, and hope her days are painfree and peaceful.

ETA: Sometimes people are afraid of asking those that are dying questions. Beause they feel that they are basically telling the person that they are on their way out. I have been there, not in the way you are, but can relate. I think when the time is right, ask her. I bet she'll have a good idea as to what she would like done with it. Whether it's to be given to her relative, or to be burried with it. My heart breaks when I read a story like this.
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
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3,859
Wwwang, I''m so very, very sorry. This is such shocking, heartbreaking news. Please just savor your time together and, as Kaleigh said, let your girlfriend take the lead with regard to her wishes about her possesions. Prayers and hugs to you and your families.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
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May 23, 2006
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1,899
I am so very sorry. I also hope that she is not in pain, and that the two of you can find peace and comfort.

*M*
 

kcoursolle

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jan 21, 2006
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10,589
I''m so very sorry you are going through this. As others said, being there for her right now is best and to not worry about the ring. If it comes up you could ask her wishes. If she doesn''t have any preferences a nice thing to do would be to consign the ring and donate the profit to a foundation that researches the disease she is dying from or her favorite charity.
 

anchor31

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I''m very sorry you''re going through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think you should do according to her wishes.
 

winternight

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
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887
I am so sorry that the two of you are going through this. Why not ask her? Or if she doesn''t want to decide donate the ring to a charity - maybe for her illness or maybe to her school in honor of her for a scholarship? Again, you have my deepest sympathies.
 

kristy_lyn

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2006
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173
I''m sorry to hear about your girlfriend.

Unless it is against her wishes, I would keep the ring for now... in time, the right thing to do with it will become clear.
 

mrchips

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2007
Messages
55
sorry to hear about this.

may God Bless you and yours and her family during this difficult time.
 

msmeimei

Rough_Rock
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Jan 5, 2007
Messages
22
I agree that, when you feel the time is right, you should aks her what her wishes are. I work with people who are dying. Some do worry about what will happen to their ring when they die and want either to be buried with it or to have someone in particular have it in when they are gone.

I''m sorry to hear of this situation and wish you and her the best.
 

imthepreacherswife

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
Messages
150
I am sorry and will pray for you and your girlfriend. I would carry on with her wishes if they are known, if it didn''t come up, I would keep the ring myself, as a reminder of my love for her. It would also give you something to hold on to, when she is no longer there with you. I have found that comforting in my own losses. You may one day have a child that you could tell the story to, and remember her each time you share the story. It may even be comforting to wear it on a chain close to your heart, or maybe even make yourself a gents ring with her diamond as a memory of your love.
 

Richard Sherwood

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 25, 2002
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4,924
Hi Wang. Sorry for your situation. I've been through something similar, and feel for you.

Legally, you no longer own the ring and have no say over its future. Once you gave it to your fiancee', it became hers, to do with as she wishes. If she doesn't designate a specific heir to receive it in her will, it will be designated to the legal next-of-kin (determined by your state's order of designation) upon her passing.

If she has a daughter of legal age, for example, the ring would pass to the daughter. If your fiancee' decided to gift it to another or re-gift it to you before her passing, she might possibly do that as well. I'm not as clear on that aspect, as the ring is part of her estate, and you've got heirs involved. RockDoc knows this stuff better, he'll probably chime in here after a while.

If your fiancee' is like my wife was (practical), she wouldn't want you to burn it. That benefits no one, and destroys a beautiful family heirloom.

You guys should talk about it. You'll feel better afterwards.
 

FireGoddess

Super_Ideal_Rock
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12,145
I don''t think I could remotely sum it up better than Rich. I completely agree.
 

diamondseeker2006

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jan 11, 2006
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55,630
Great post, Rich. I completely agree that there is no sense in destroying a ring or burying someone with a ring. Ultimately she will have to decide how to leave any assets she has. This certainly is tragic and I would hope and pray for a miracle.
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
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11,534
What a terrible situation! I''m so sorry this turn of events has happened!

Date: 1/9/2007 7:17:02 PM
Author: Richard Sherwood
Legally, you no longer own the ring and have no say over its future. Once you gave it to your fiancee'', it became hers, to do with as she wishes.
I fear this is a legal grey area ... if the promise to marry isn''t fufilled ... the ring is traditionally returned to the giver.

But I would agree that you should speak with your fiance about the ring & find out if she has any thoughts or wishes about its future.
 

tdiggity

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
65
Rich had some good points...though I have seen instances where couples broke up and the courts required the ring to be given back...its a gift with an assumption of becoming married. Either way, she needs to make a will and determine what should be done with it. I would imagine she would leave it with you.

I feel it would be a terrible tragedy to burn the ring...that does nothing for anyone. You lose the one thing that you bought to show her your love for her. I would keep it. I like some of the other ideas others had for selling it...better yet, donate it to a charity for them to sell in an auction...they can tell your story and probably get more for it than if you sold it yourself and then you are helping a charity make the world a better place.
 

Wink

Ideal_Rock
Trade
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7,472
Date: 1/9/2007 1:37:17 AM
Author: wwwang
Thank you guys. I AM focusing on her and taking care of her everyday. The ring talk is just a little side talk, a distraction, since I was thinking of burning the ring with her. She is weak. But otherwise not particularly suffering physically. Thanks again.
My heart aches to hear this. I am sorry for your loss.

What you decide to do may have cultural overtones, and certainly personal ones. I would probably keep the ring and wear it always as a remembrance of her. You must do what feels right to you.

We can not do much for you but keep you in our hearts and prayers.

Wink
 

strmrdr

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 1, 2003
Messages
23,295
dunno about the ring but prayers are outgoing.
 

Adylon

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 14, 2006
Messages
232
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation and her health, I really can't imagine what you're going through.

I don't think I could ever return a ring like that for credit if I was in that situation. I'd just let her decide what to do with the ring but make sure someone carries out her wishes after she passes.

Best of luck to you both, my heart really goes out to you.
 

Shay37

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 1, 2004
Messages
3,343
You and your FI are in my prayers. I heard someone once say that when you lose someone, or learn that you are going to lose someone, don''t make any big or major financial or emotional decisions for a year. It''s still good advice. Grief clouds our best judgement. Wait until the clouds roll away before deciding.

shay
 

jenniegirlm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
Messages
165
I'm sorry for what you're going through. My Godsister died at 28 yrs old while she was engaged. Her mom asked her FI if he wanted the ring back or if she (the mom) could keep it as a remembrance of her daughter, and said that she could keep it. Just an example to share. Our love and prayers to you...
 
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