my friends all got the rock, and all I got was a breakup
- Thread starter funnyface786
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AmberGretchen
Ideal_Rock
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- Jan 6, 2005
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- 7,770
So glad to hear you are doing better - I think your attitude is exactly right, he clearly didn''t deserve you, and when the time is right, you''ll find someone who does
funnyface786
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2009
- Messages
- 30
Ahhhhhh! I thought I was doing okay and progressing. A few days ago, after WEEKS AND WEEKS OF NOTHING AT ALL FROM HIM, he sends me a message on AIM
"hey.. you awake?"
Thats IT. I saw it pop up, had a heartattack, then started screaming and cursing at my computer screen, and did not respond to him. It felt good at the time that I was trashing him to myself and how stupid he is for trying to contact me like THAT. But then it just kind of settled and started to eat away at my mind the next few days to the point where its driving me nuts, especially since after that I didn''t hear another thing.
As much as I''ve hated him the past few months, he finally said SOMETHING TO ME. I can''t help but to think that he does in fact have something worthwhile to say to me. My only request I gave him when we broke up was for him to not speak to me unless he had something different than "I don''t know" to say to me. Even my best friend, after my break up, calmly said just ONE thing to him - "hey, all I''m going to say is that if you''re not sure about her, just let her be. i love her a lot and girls like her are hard to find. whether its the distance or school, just leave her alone." (God, I love her...)
So maybe he DOES have some kind of change of heart? Or maybe he''s lonely? Or he was drunk? I don''t know!!! I made a promise to myself that I will not contact him myself because I have already been the one to come to him many times before.
Now I feel like I''m going backwards.... I miss him and I DO want him to come back and say all the things I dreamed he''d say. Whether its because I still love him or because I want the pleasure of yelling at him and rejecting him, I don''t know. But its driving me crazy.
I needed to vent
"hey.. you awake?"
Thats IT. I saw it pop up, had a heartattack, then started screaming and cursing at my computer screen, and did not respond to him. It felt good at the time that I was trashing him to myself and how stupid he is for trying to contact me like THAT. But then it just kind of settled and started to eat away at my mind the next few days to the point where its driving me nuts, especially since after that I didn''t hear another thing.
As much as I''ve hated him the past few months, he finally said SOMETHING TO ME. I can''t help but to think that he does in fact have something worthwhile to say to me. My only request I gave him when we broke up was for him to not speak to me unless he had something different than "I don''t know" to say to me. Even my best friend, after my break up, calmly said just ONE thing to him - "hey, all I''m going to say is that if you''re not sure about her, just let her be. i love her a lot and girls like her are hard to find. whether its the distance or school, just leave her alone." (God, I love her...)
So maybe he DOES have some kind of change of heart? Or maybe he''s lonely? Or he was drunk? I don''t know!!! I made a promise to myself that I will not contact him myself because I have already been the one to come to him many times before.
Now I feel like I''m going backwards.... I miss him and I DO want him to come back and say all the things I dreamed he''d say. Whether its because I still love him or because I want the pleasure of yelling at him and rejecting him, I don''t know. But its driving me crazy.
I needed to vent
AmberGretchen
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2005
- Messages
- 7,770
Sorry about that funnyface - you did the right thing by staying strong!! If he REALLY wants you back (and please don''t even let yourself go there in your mind - you''ll just make yourself miserable) he''ll figure out a better way to contact you than over AIM!
Squirrly
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 3, 2009
- Messages
- 1,796
don''t think of it as going backwards, think of it as further proof of how wonderful and caring of a person you are, and that he was that much more stupid to lose someone who honestly did care for him that much. especially focusing on the how stupid he was to lose you part.
you honestly cared. a lot. and i''m going to take a guess here and say even if you did have a freak out/get scared moment and told him, you sure didn''t break up with him, then say you didn''t know if you still wanted to be with him and then not talk to him for around 2 months only to finally contact him by an im questioning his state of sleepiness.
kudos for not blocking his screenname, i wouldn''t have been that strong, but if for some reason he really decided that he was going to do the ride in on the white horse and profess his complete idiocy and profound undieing love for you, whether or not you were awake he probably would''ve said something either in the first place, or would''ve continued to im to say all that.
and never, ever feel bad or beat yourself up for having honestly and truly loved someone, there are plenty of people in the world who are in relationships and don''t love the other person, and someday someone will recognize how special you are and cherish the fact that you do love him and love you just as you love him.
(i got this from friends who told me how much they admired me for being able to be so completely in love while i was going through an exceptionally horrible break-up, and they were absolutely right, it just took me awhile to realize it)
funnyface786
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2009
- Messages
- 30
I know its been a while, but I have the need to update. I think this is going to be my last post on this thread to wrap it up, and maybe even my last topic post in the LIW group (but not on Pricescope), since well... since I am very much now post-boyfriend and post-breakup with boyfriend, and now very much single... I'm not really an LIW anymore
Anyway here goes:
Remember that wedding I mentioned that was the big scary event I was SO SO SO dreading for hours and days and months because that was the first time I was going to see him after the breakup? Yep, that came and went. Prior to it we even talked again - (which I talked about in another post) - he told me he hasn't changed his mind, and I wasn't expecting him to, so we sort of talked so that things wouldn't be awkward at the wedding and so we could try to be friends. Its good, but needless to say still awkward. I was in an okay place to do it and was happy we weren't silent to each other anymore, and I really felt like it would help me in moving on. I was still in a place where I was mourning the loss of the relationship though, and still am, so sometimes it was weird... but thats a whole nother can of worms, and a whole other process which I'm confident I'll sort out somehow someday, so I won't get into that.
Being a bridesmaid with his sister was actually a treat. We got a lot closer as friends and it was just really nice.
And then the Universe said, "Hm, what can be done that will really put Funnyface786 to the test and be awkward as all hell?". His sister and the maid of honor arranged it so the day before the wedding, all the bridesmaids would stay over his sister's house and sleep there since its closest to the church and convenient for everyone who has to drive a lot, instead of staying at a hotel. I read that email and said; oh yeah, convenient. Staying over HIS house. With him being there. And his parents. Seeing him and his parents for the first time. Not knowing at all what his parents know or think of me. Getting ready in the morning while looking like hell. Oh yeah. Convenient.
It was actually good. At times, comical and great. I had a good time with my bridesmaids, who were all my friends as well and all knew all about the breakup, so they were a little nervous for me but also made sure I had a good time. I was fine - me and the Ex talked casually here and there. No problem at all with the parents. I arrived last and as his parents passed by the room where all of us were hanging out, they glance at all of us, give a general hello, and seeing me, his mom lets out a "HIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" followed by big hugs and "how are you"s from his mom and dad. Silence and awe from the bridesmaids. Silence and confusion from the Ex. Seriously, is someone taping this? Because this is glorious beyond all belief.
The morning of, we all got ready but the bridesmaids left earlier than everyone else in the household. So the morning was peppered with coffee, some conversation with the ex, interrupted with things like "Oh sorry, excuse me because your mom is calling me to help her pick out which dress to wear" (a fact), until I had to leave. The way his parents treated me was incredible - I really loved them so it was fantastic to know that, as weird as it was, nothing had changed.
The wedding itself was not the scary thing I thought it would be, but actually so incredibly fun and I enjoyed myself SO much.
And my enjoyment was just that much more because I knew it didn't depend on what he thought about him being together anymore, and also clearly his parents were still on my side. Besides enjoying myself, I got a lot of validation about our breakup together. Picture a wedding reception - me, my Ex, and everyone is a mutual friend or acquaintance. There obviously would be no escaping breakup talk with SOMEONE, and I was prepared for that.
Picture my Ex's mother coming up to me after I danced with an 11 year old boy saying:
mom: "That boy has excellent taste."
me: "Nah, its just his hormones."
mom: "No - you are lovely. When you didn't come to Pelmeni this year (this Russian social event I was supposed to go to, which his parents were at while he was at his internship in Texas), I was so upset, because I really wanted you to come and talk to you more!..::pause::.. I'm just having a lot of weird feelings right now."
me: "... I know what you mean. But I love your dress!"
That made me a little sad, but any sadness was completely overridden by the happiness of knowing not only was she on my side, but clearly thought highly of me and was not approving of the breakup. Amazing.
Not to mention, one of his closest friends, talking to me for half an hour about what happened. I told him plainly, and he told me he also talked to my Ex for 3 hours, and couldn't figure out why we broke up. Well, neither did I. He too, told me he didn't understand it and was on my side. Amazing.
Not to mention, one of his other childhood friends, talked to me about it, and ALSO could not understand why he broke up with me. Apparently he did not know we broke up until he talked to him at the wedding. He told me he called him an idiot to my Ex's face right there. I have eye witnesses. I couldn't believe it, and I also couldn't believe how much he wants to date me. If I really wanted to, I could really run with that as the ultimate revenge, but I won't risk that for someone I'm not really interested in. A. Mazing.
Overall, it was ALL the validation I needed that none of it was my fault, and actually I walked away feeling good. Not to mention the bridesmaids all were amazed how I put up with all the questions. I don't know how I did it either.
During the wedding, I was so happy for my friend finally finding happiness. Sometimes I would think, "Omg, I still can't see myself marrying anyone else than my Ex.", followed by, "Omg, my Ex NEVER loved me as much as he loves her. I want what she has."
And so thats what happened! In the end, the Universe was smiling upon me and, I'm sure, saying to my Ex, "Yep, you're a moron". I consider my breakup process to be over, and while my head still isn't completely figured out, right now I'm doing fine and I know one day I'll be more than fine.
Anyway here goes:
Remember that wedding I mentioned that was the big scary event I was SO SO SO dreading for hours and days and months because that was the first time I was going to see him after the breakup? Yep, that came and went. Prior to it we even talked again - (which I talked about in another post) - he told me he hasn't changed his mind, and I wasn't expecting him to, so we sort of talked so that things wouldn't be awkward at the wedding and so we could try to be friends. Its good, but needless to say still awkward. I was in an okay place to do it and was happy we weren't silent to each other anymore, and I really felt like it would help me in moving on. I was still in a place where I was mourning the loss of the relationship though, and still am, so sometimes it was weird... but thats a whole nother can of worms, and a whole other process which I'm confident I'll sort out somehow someday, so I won't get into that.
Being a bridesmaid with his sister was actually a treat. We got a lot closer as friends and it was just really nice.
And then the Universe said, "Hm, what can be done that will really put Funnyface786 to the test and be awkward as all hell?". His sister and the maid of honor arranged it so the day before the wedding, all the bridesmaids would stay over his sister's house and sleep there since its closest to the church and convenient for everyone who has to drive a lot, instead of staying at a hotel. I read that email and said; oh yeah, convenient. Staying over HIS house. With him being there. And his parents. Seeing him and his parents for the first time. Not knowing at all what his parents know or think of me. Getting ready in the morning while looking like hell. Oh yeah. Convenient.
It was actually good. At times, comical and great. I had a good time with my bridesmaids, who were all my friends as well and all knew all about the breakup, so they were a little nervous for me but also made sure I had a good time. I was fine - me and the Ex talked casually here and there. No problem at all with the parents. I arrived last and as his parents passed by the room where all of us were hanging out, they glance at all of us, give a general hello, and seeing me, his mom lets out a "HIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" followed by big hugs and "how are you"s from his mom and dad. Silence and awe from the bridesmaids. Silence and confusion from the Ex. Seriously, is someone taping this? Because this is glorious beyond all belief.
The morning of, we all got ready but the bridesmaids left earlier than everyone else in the household. So the morning was peppered with coffee, some conversation with the ex, interrupted with things like "Oh sorry, excuse me because your mom is calling me to help her pick out which dress to wear" (a fact), until I had to leave. The way his parents treated me was incredible - I really loved them so it was fantastic to know that, as weird as it was, nothing had changed.
The wedding itself was not the scary thing I thought it would be, but actually so incredibly fun and I enjoyed myself SO much.
Picture my Ex's mother coming up to me after I danced with an 11 year old boy saying:
mom: "That boy has excellent taste."
me: "Nah, its just his hormones."
mom: "No - you are lovely. When you didn't come to Pelmeni this year (this Russian social event I was supposed to go to, which his parents were at while he was at his internship in Texas), I was so upset, because I really wanted you to come and talk to you more!..::pause::.. I'm just having a lot of weird feelings right now."
me: "... I know what you mean. But I love your dress!"
That made me a little sad, but any sadness was completely overridden by the happiness of knowing not only was she on my side, but clearly thought highly of me and was not approving of the breakup. Amazing.
Not to mention, one of his closest friends, talking to me for half an hour about what happened. I told him plainly, and he told me he also talked to my Ex for 3 hours, and couldn't figure out why we broke up. Well, neither did I. He too, told me he didn't understand it and was on my side. Amazing.
Not to mention, one of his other childhood friends, talked to me about it, and ALSO could not understand why he broke up with me. Apparently he did not know we broke up until he talked to him at the wedding. He told me he called him an idiot to my Ex's face right there. I have eye witnesses. I couldn't believe it, and I also couldn't believe how much he wants to date me. If I really wanted to, I could really run with that as the ultimate revenge, but I won't risk that for someone I'm not really interested in. A. Mazing.
Overall, it was ALL the validation I needed that none of it was my fault, and actually I walked away feeling good. Not to mention the bridesmaids all were amazed how I put up with all the questions. I don't know how I did it either.
During the wedding, I was so happy for my friend finally finding happiness. Sometimes I would think, "Omg, I still can't see myself marrying anyone else than my Ex.", followed by, "Omg, my Ex NEVER loved me as much as he loves her. I want what she has."
And so thats what happened! In the end, the Universe was smiling upon me and, I'm sure, saying to my Ex, "Yep, you're a moron". I consider my breakup process to be over, and while my head still isn't completely figured out, right now I'm doing fine and I know one day I'll be more than fine.
trillionaire
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2008
- Messages
- 3,881
Living well is the best revenge!
vip0802
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2009
- Messages
- 979
funnyface - i missed seeing this thread when it was originally posted, but after reading your most recent post, i just have to say that i admire your strength. it really does take a lot courage to do what you did and you handled it beautifully. i have a feeling that whatever happens to you, it will be for the better! sending tons and tons of happy *DUST* your way!
cindygenit
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2009
- Messages
- 1,683
Congratulations! You are a strong person, much more mature than your age!
Sometimes people just grow apart and there really is no way of understanding it, it's just something that happens. I know everything for you will work out in the end, whether it's you being on your own for a while, dating someone new, or if you both get back together... God has a plan and it's all in his timing too!
purselover
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2008
- Messages
- 2,066
I''m glad to hear things went well for you!
katomm
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2009
- Messages
- 317
I''m very sorry you''re having to go through this. I do think you made a wise decision though.
It sounds like a case of bad timing and when the time is right, the right person will come into your life whether it is him or someone else. It took me 12 years after my divorce to finally find the absolutely RIGHT one and believe me, it was worth the wait.
It sounds like a case of bad timing and when the time is right, the right person will come into your life whether it is him or someone else. It took me 12 years after my divorce to finally find the absolutely RIGHT one and believe me, it was worth the wait.
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