My family upset with my BF

[nessvan12]

Well, now that my brother is married, the inevitable question came up among my family..."Why hasn''t your BF propped the big question yet?" For those that don''t know, my brother & SIL were together 2 years total, (engaged for 4 mos.) & my BF and & will be celebrating 7 yrs in a couple weeks. So they were all surprised that he got engaged/married before me.

I know the family means well, but they are getting upset! Wondering why he won''t commit & why he doesn''t know after 7 yrs that I''m the one. I hate having to defend my relationship and BF especially since I tend to agree with them.

I know they are looking out for me and don''t want to see me hurt but they were so rough. Saying that maybe my BF is just passing the time with me and that if he wanted to marry me, he would have at least asked by now. It''s sooo frustrating! My dad is the main one. I''ve always been a daddy''s girl, and I know he is worried that BF won''t settle down and I''ll be hurt. I don''t know what else to say. I am tired of defending and frankly at times, I don''t want to defend anymore cause I, myself think this is getting ridiculous. People seem to really gang up when others are celebrating milestones, ie. my brother''s wedding & engagement, my other brother''s wedding & the birth of his twin girls.

Family is great, but I''m just ready for them all to go back home and get out of my business!

OK....venting is over. Sorry, had to get it out. Do any of you deal with this from family? How do you handle it.

 

[luckystar112]

I think that if it got to the point where my parents were questioning my BF''s intentions, I would start to worry myself. Parental intuition, at least in my family, has always been spot on. They may be seeing something in your BF that you don''t, because you are choosing to view your relationship through rosy glasses. Seven years is a lot time to wait. I think I''d only wait that long if I was 100% certain that my BF was doing everything in his power to make it happen. But if I''ve been with someone for 7 years and neither of us were in school, and there was absolutely NO reason for us to not be engaged, I would start thinking that I was being made out to be a fool...and have a serious talk with my BF.

So have you guys talked about marriage yet? Do you know if he wants to, or how long it''s going to be before you are engaged?

 

[nessvan12]

Well, I agree 7 yrs is a long time, but in all fairness, we were teenagers when we started dating. We have had serious talks about marriage and he used to say "soon." This was before I knew there was a difference between girl soon and boy soon...lol. He says he knows I am the one and wants to marry me, he just hasn''t felt ready. The last thing he said was, I''ll propose before the end of the year. So since then, it''s been a little easier and I''ve left it alone and haven''t mentioned it. It just gets hard when I feel like I''m being ganged up on. And he doesn''t get these questions, I do. I haven''t mentioned our timeline to family I guess out of fear it may not materialize?!? I just think he is afraid of making that step. I don''t know...

 

[bee*]

Im with my bf 8 years and we started dating when we were 17/18. It''s only in the last 2 years since we finished up in college that we began to think about getting engaged and moving on, only now I''ve gone back to college for another 5 years. My family will tease us sometimes but they don''t go on too much about it. Now that he''s bought the ring my mother is very excited. If you can, say it to your parents that you hate the way they mention it to you. Maybe they do see something, and I know how hard it is defending your bf when you kind of agree with your parents. I''ve had the same feelings the couple of times my parents have teased me about it. Do you have a timeline with your bf or any indication of when it is going to happen?

 

[Stephanie]

I hate being cornered by family like that. One day I got so upset, that I just lost it and drove off in a fury. From that point on, no one mentions it. (That''s not a suggestion, by the way...) BF and I met when I was just 18. I had a ton of growing up to do - even at 23 I still felt like I had to grow up a bit. Now I am 26 and finally feel in a good place for the ball to get moving. It is difficult for people to understand lengths of time aren''t the most important measure in a relationship. Especially when other things are happening around you that are so monumental. Just tell them to relax and let you and your SO decide what''s best for you..

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 7/23/2007 5:32:52 PM
Author: luckystar112
I think that if it got to the point where my parents were questioning my BF''s intentions, I would start to worry myself. Parental intuition, at least in my family, has always been spot on. They may be seeing something in your BF that you don''t, because you are choosing to view your relationship through rosy glasses. Seven years is a lot time to wait. I think I''d only wait that long if I was 100% certain that my BF was doing everything in his power to make it happen. But if I''ve been with someone for 7 years and neither of us were in school, and there was absolutely NO reason for us to not be engaged, I would start thinking that I was being made out to be a fool...and have a serious talk with my BF.

So have you guys talked about marriage yet? Do you know if he wants to, or how long it''s going to be before you are engaged?

I totally agree. After 7 years together he should know if he wants to be with you or not. Maybe you need to talk to him again and get a timeline or something? Good luck and I wish you well - love has a way of working out.

Jess

 

[Harleigh]

Ness...maybe your response should be to tell your family that YOU haven''t felt like asking HIM yet!

No, no, no...but sometimes I just want to give a flip reply when people are so heartless!

Maybe you should try to discuss this situation with your BF and ask him if he really is serious about a proposal by the end of the year...if he says yes, there is still no need to let your family know that, but it may make you feel better when you tell your family, very nicely, of course, to BUTT OUT!!!

If your BF keeps putting you off, then you may need to rethink things...do what feels right to you. Best of luck, hun!