My diamond has better proportions than me - a thread for imperfect women comfortable in their own sk

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/21/2009 7:08:54 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Bee - I totally agree that the other extreme is no good either - the more parents can promote a healthy attitude it seems, the better off kids are. One thing my mom did which was great was she always made me lots of fresh veggies, and my dad was really into fresh fruit, so between the two of them I developed good habits as far as produce was concerned

hi bee and ambergretchen

the thing that always bugs me with parents and food and ISSUES - is that it''s rarely an issue for the child! children, especially up to a certain age, have no say over what they eat. oh - they might complain, whinge, want something different...but in the final analysis, they get what they''re given. if they''re fed well, given a role model of exercise, and then basically left alone, the VAST majority of the time, they turn out just fine! they dont need a lot of commentary; the comentary never helps. it''s ridiculous to say to a 10 year old "approach your nutrition and exercise routine differently so you can achieve an excellent quality of life, longevity, satisfaction with your appearance and a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship." these things are ADULT issues - and need to be addressed by adults. kids needs the "here - eat this...and now we''re all going for a bike ride and i dont care if you complain, it''s what we, as a family DO" approach. no commentary - just DOING.

as for the ''lose 5 lbs and you''ll look even cuter'' comment - that just makes me want to slap somebody (otherwise known as ''hands on psychology''. ok - just kidding..but gees...!) it almost NEVER works as incentive to try to drive someone away from a position. you virtually always need the ''carrot and the stick'' combo, but with little kids, heavy on the carrot, veeeeeeery light on the stick. and the stick needs to make sense. and it should NEVER be a stick a parent holds over a child''s self esteem. ever. the implication of ''you''d look even cuter'' is NOT saying ''look how great you could be''. what it''s REALLY saying is ''hmmm - you dont quiiiiite make the grade now...maybe try a little harder - oh - and by the way - i dont fully approve of you the way you are.'' that''s a stick. a big one. a carrot would be "you look fabulous!" period. no provisos, not reservations. and you know what, AmgerGretchen? i''ll bet you did look absolutely fabulous. i applaud your parents for feeding you a healthy diet. but they really do/did need a looooot of help on how to deal with their own insecurities which they tried to pass on to you. i''m sorry about that, AG, you''re proabbly as gorgeous as.

and bee - in my experience parents who ''love with food'' have all sorts of issues of their own. often they struggle to be liked, often they have food issues of their own (were your parents overweight?), often they''re giving all they feel they have to give, often they''re trying to set up a culture of permissiveness with food - like - food is the big treat - get what you can as soon as you can get it! and yet bee - if your avatar is anything to go by, you''ve worked out the food thing and are a very pretty sweet young thing! good for you and well done!

isnt it incredible what a difficult issue just EATING is??

and by the way - i''ve meant ot say for ages - AmberGretchen - i LOVE your ring!! i love green and your ring looks so fresh and beautiful. gorgeous!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Thanks for the nice compliment on the ring whitby! It was/is a really fun project

I totally hear you on the parental issues with food - my parents have a TON of issues of their own with food and weight, many of which they passed on to me, but I''ve been working hard since I''ve been an adult and more independent to get away from them. I''m not sure I''ve been completely successful, but I know that distancing myself from my dad and his unhealthy commentary has helped a lot. I actually really put a lot of emotional distance between him and myself after my wedding, and within about a year, I had lost over 40 lbs which I''ve kept off

I''m not tiny, but I feel so much healthier and have such a better attitude about food now.

And its helped me let go of not being good enough in other areas as well. What you say about not *quite* being good enough to pass muster totally rings true for me. That was such a theme with my dad throughout my childhood. I think it really takes distance to realize how ridiculous these things are - for example, he really wanted me to go to law school, and so he''s still a little disappointed that I''m getting my PhD. Mean, really?! Totally bizaare in the real world, but makes sense to him in his weird perspective.

This is me recently (well, two summers ago but this is the size I am now) - not skinny, but I think I look healthy, which is the most important thing

 

[whitby_2773]

AmberGretchen!! my word! you curvy little thing, you!

you look fabulous. i love that size on women - obviously NOT overweight, but still curvy and lush looking. and between you and me, i think most men love that look also. so - i''m now going to pass on to you a piece of fashion advice all curvy women should know...listening?.... good!

save your pennies, and buy a diane von furstenberg silk jersey wrap around dress. they make you look tiny in the waist, they highlight your hourglass shape, and they are The Last Word in feminine. your husband will love you for this, i promise you! (push-up bra and high heels a must).

i''m glad you took your food destiny in hand; i feel like the angels sing every time a strong person manages to throw off the ties and strictures of those who would like to pin them down and hold them back. SO telling that you lost 40lbs pronto when no longer under the direct effects of your father! and CONGRATULATIONS on your phd! this is a big deal.

it''s pretty obvious what sort of person you are, AG - you''re one of those beautiful, strong, successful types. you''re in *that* category.

sounds pretty good, really....

(atta girl!)

 

[AmberGretchen]

Awww...whitby I''m blushing

Thank you for the sweet words

I love love love DVF''s stuff - it is so beautiful. I''m definitely planning to buy a number of her pieces once I''m properly working and have a real salary

I love the look of wrap dresses, but I have trouble finding them to fit my bust - they always look kind of obscene once I get them on

I''ve found some super cute faux wraps though - they tend to not gape as much in the front as the *real* wrap dresses...

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I am a curvy girl too! I may have a small waist, but my hips and thighs more than make up for it. Any time I am starting to feel down about my size 0 friends and their cellulite-free legs I go immediately to my ipod.... turn the music on full blast.. and feel instantly better when I listen to this song...

Aaaaaaaaare you gonna take me home tonight

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/22/2009 8:31:16 PM
Author: OUpeargirl
I am a curvy girl too! I may have a small waist, but my hips and thighs more than make up for it. Any time I am starting to feel down about my size 0 friends and their cellulite-free legs I go immediately to my ipod.... turn the music on full blast.. and feel instantly better when I listen to this song...


Aaaaaaaaare you gonna take me home tonight

too funny!

i played the clip, OUpeargirl - and my irish red and white setter, who is currently on a diet to lose a few pounds, came and licked me all over the face! she''s a bit of a ''fat bottomed girl'' herself right now!

and by the way, beyonce, J-Lo, and a whole host of plastic surgeons who have seen the demand for butt implants go through the roof lately would agree that having a somewhat rounder rear-end is no bad thing!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 4/17/2009 10:52:38 PM
Author: AmberGretchen


Maisie - I think its so wonderful that you and your hubby are supporting each other in trying to get healthy. I know what comfort eating is like - its a really tough habit to break. But you are such a lovely, strong woman, I know you can do it! I don't know if its helpful, but one thing that worked for me was to have lots of reminders to myself about why I was doing it - making healthier choices not just to look better but so I could enjoy life more, be more active, be around longer to enjoy all the things I love, etc...

In any case I'll be keeping my fingers and toes (and kitties' paws

) crossed hard for both of you!

Thank you! I must confess I fell off the wagon after day two. I was really grumpy and stressy and it went away after I ate some chocolate. Whats up with that? I am a hopeless cause. Its not like giving up smoking where you are actually withdrawing from something. I feel like a real failure. My doctor has taken some blood tests to see if there is something wrong with my Thyroid Gland. I think I am just a fat food lover.

Just shoot me now.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/22/2009 8:58:38 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 4/17/2009 10:52:38 PM

Author: AmberGretchen



Maisie - I think its so wonderful that you and your hubby are supporting each other in trying to get healthy. I know what comfort eating is like - its a really tough habit to break. But you are such a lovely, strong woman, I know you can do it! I don''t know if its helpful, but one thing that worked for me was to have lots of reminders to myself about why I was doing it - making healthier choices not just to look better but so I could enjoy life more, be more active, be around longer to enjoy all the things I love, etc...


In any case I''ll be keeping my fingers and toes (and kitties'' paws

) crossed hard for both of you!

Thank you! I must confess I fell off the wagon after day two. I was really grumpy and stressy and it went away after I ate some chocolate. Whats up with that? I am a hopeless cause. Its not like giving up smoking where you are actually withdrawing from something. I feel like a real failure. My doctor has taken some blood tests to see if there is something wrong with my Thyroid Gland. I think I am just a fat food lover.


Just shoot me now.

mwah!

(will a hug do instead?)

chocolate actually releases/stimulates various feel-good hormones in your brain which suppress appetite and lift mood. having a piece can be the same as having a coffee when one is trying to give up caffeine; kills cravings and cheers you up.

do you want to have a second shot at it, Maisie, or do you want to have a break from dieting for the moment? if you want to take a break from it, i''ll give you a hug and zip my lips! but if you want to try again, say the word and i''ll try to make some good suggestions, ask how it''s going, and cheer you on.

either way, i definitely do NOT think you''re a ''fat food lover'' - please! you''re sweet and pretty - i''ve seen the photos! so there!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/22/2009 8:58:38 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 4/17/2009 10:52:38 PM

Author: AmberGretchen



Maisie - I think its so wonderful that you and your hubby are supporting each other in trying to get healthy. I know what comfort eating is like - its a really tough habit to break. But you are such a lovely, strong woman, I know you can do it! I don''t know if its helpful, but one thing that worked for me was to have lots of reminders to myself about why I was doing it - making healthier choices not just to look better but so I could enjoy life more, be more active, be around longer to enjoy all the things I love, etc...


In any case I''ll be keeping my fingers and toes (and kitties'' paws

) crossed hard for both of you!

Thank you! I must confess I fell off the wagon after day two. I was really grumpy and stressy and it went away after I ate some chocolate. Whats up with that? I am a hopeless cause. Its not like giving up smoking where you are actually withdrawing from something. I feel like a real failure. My doctor has taken some blood tests to see if there is something wrong with my Thyroid Gland. I think I am just a fat food lover.


Just shoot me now.

Awww...don''t beat yourself up! A little bit of chocolate never hurt anyone. I''ve actually had chocolate basically every day while losing weight, its just about having a small amount and really enjoying it.

Ditto to whitby - let us know if you want a cheering section, we''re here for you

 

[lulu]

You''re right Whitby. If from the beginning my mother had given me fruit rather than your usual Polish cuisine she would have accomplished more. Of course, she came of age in a time when the doctor told her to lose weight by smoking. During her pregnancy with me she drank alcohol , smoked and dieted. She only gained 6 pounds during the pregnancy. Hence I emerged hungry and have tried to make up for it ever since. She may have meant well, but she sure screwed me up with food.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/22/2009 10:42:19 PM
Author: lulu
You''re right Whitby. If from the beginning my mother had given me fruit rather than your usual Polish cuisine she would have accomplished more. Of course, she came of age in a time when the doctor told her to lose weight by smoking. During her pregnancy with me she drank alcohol , smoked and dieted. She only gained 6 pounds during the pregnancy. Hence I emerged hungry and have tried to make up for it ever since. She may have meant well, but she sure screwed me up with food.

OMG lulu, isn''t it horrible the things they used to do to control weight?! I can''t imagine the Dr. telling your mother to smoke!

They also used to put people on speed - my dad was put on amphetamines as a teenager/young adult by the Dr. to help him lose weight, and then had to overcome that addiction in his 20''s - how horrible, right?

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/22/2009 11:55:07 AM
Author: whitby_2773


and bee - in my experience parents who 'love with food' have all sorts of issues of their own. often they struggle to be liked, often they have food issues of their own (were your parents overweight?), often they're giving all they feel they have to give, often they're trying to set up a culture of permissiveness with food - like - food is the big treat - get what you can as soon as you can get it! and yet bee - if your avatar is anything to go by, you've worked out the food thing and are a very pretty sweet young thing! good for you and well done!


isnt it incredible what a difficult issue just EATING is??

Aww thank you whitby. I'm nearly where I want to be so getting a bit more confident by the day! I don't even know whether they "loved with food" as such, it was just that healthy food was never stressed and I don't think I ever took fruit to school. My parents are both overweight and I think when they were growing up it was the same so I'm determined to break that cycle. They both have a great social life which I think adds to it and my mother literally seems to think that the world will end if she stops having her curries etc on a night out. What I've realised though is that I can only control myself and much as I'd love my parents to have more interest in their bodies for their own healths sake, I can't control them. Eating can definitely be a difficult issue!

 

[Maisie]

Thanks Amber and Whitby. I do need help and a cheering squad. I need to lose this weight. Its making me really miserable.

 

[AmberGretchen]

You can do it Maisie!! Small steps and changes will make a huge difference. Don''t pressure yourself to do it too quickly (the weight never stays off that way anyway) and don''t beat yourself up over small slips - just get right back on the horse and keep going.

 

[Maisie]

Well ok... so today I walked the kids to school and back.. (twice as James is only in during the afternoons) and I bought fruit and yoghurt instead of chocolate.

My back wasn''t too bad because I took my time. I know its not a great deal but its a start isn''t it? I am focusing on one day at a time.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/24/2009 11:12:28 AM
Author: Maisie
Well ok... so today I walked the kids to school and back.. (twice as James is only in during the afternoons) and I bought fruit and yoghurt instead of chocolate.


My back wasn''t too bad because I took my time. I know its not a great deal but its a start isn''t it? I am focusing on one day at a time.

Maisie its a wonderful start

Way to go!!

It really is the small changes that add up over time - you will be so pleasantly surprised at how well you do, and doing well by making small changes will motivate you to keep it up. I bet you''ll feel much better for longer after eating the fruit and yoghurt - its so good for you. Think of all the wonderful nutrients you are putting in your body

And this is a wonderful time of year to be starting as well because so much good fruit is coming into season

Keep buying those fruits and veggies - there''s nothing better for you, and they taste so good when they are good quality and fresh

 

[Maisie]

Thank you for the encouragement! I really do appreciate it!

Can I ask how you managed to lose weight even though you ate chocolate everyday? I want to be able to eat nice things in moderation. How do you manage to only eat a certain amount? I always go mad when I have chocolate!

 

[bee*]

That''s a great start Maisie! Way to go!!

 

[Maisie]

Thank you Bee. I really love my PS friends

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/24/2009 4:15:52 PM
Author: Maisie
Thank you for the encouragement! I really do appreciate it!


Can I ask how you managed to lose weight even though you ate chocolate everyday? I want to be able to eat nice things in moderation. How do you manage to only eat a certain amount? I always go mad when I have chocolate!

Maisie - I tried to buy chocolate that came in pre-measured portions. I don''t know if you have them in the UK, but in the US, Dove makes individual foil-wrapped squares of chocolate - one or two of those every night was a perfect treat for me. I think that mentally what really helps with not going crazy is to remind yourself that it will still be there tomorrow - you can always have chocolate, or ice cream, or whatever it is you are really craving, it will never be the last time you have it (well not for a long time anyway

). So for me, knowing it would still be there and knowing I COULD have more but chose not to helped a lot. And buying really high-quality chocolate helped for me as well - I get things where I truly LOVE the taste and texture, and then I really enjoy it more and don''t feel like I need as much to be satisfied.

And if I''m craving something other than chocolate, I try to find a way to have a small portion of that too. One of my favorites is really good Italian-style gelato - it has lots more flavor, but fewer calories than ice cream. I eat it out of a very small bowl, and I savor it. I have a huge sweet tooth, so I need to have some kind of treat almost every night, but by having it every night and reminding myself that its there for me, it doesn''t need to be a huge treat.

Also putting it somewhere hard to reach, and taking out my 1-2 pieces, walking away from where it was stored, and sitting down and enjoying them slowly. I most often find that I don''t really want any more after that. If you pay attention, you''ll notice that any food starts to not taste as good at some point while you are eating it. If you can stop at or near that point, that helps a lot as well.

In general, I find that a combination of approaches works best - trying to really enjoy high-quality treats and indulgences when I have them, and loading up on healthy stuff (mostly fruits and veggies) when I need to feel really full. Sometimes I screw up and eat way more than I should, when I haven''t planned to. But I don''t beat myself up, I just pick up and keep going the next day as normal.

Sorry - that''s a bit scattered and long, but hopefully helpful. I''d say just try small changes, maybe buy some mini sizes of your normal chocolate loves. If they don''t come in small sizes, buy a full-sized one but then cut it up into smaller servings (I usually aim to have treats that are no more than about 150-200 calories), and put each one in a separate wrapping so you are less tempted to have more than one.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/24/2009 4:15:52 PM
Author: Maisie
Thank you for the encouragement! I really do appreciate it!


Can I ask how you managed to lose weight even though you ate chocolate everyday? I want to be able to eat nice things in moderation. How do you manage to only eat a certain amount? I always go mad when I have chocolate!

i read about the walking you''d done - GO MAISIE!

re chocolate -

be sure to have dark chocolate as opposed to milk chocolate - and preferably organic. dark chocolate is lower calorie/less fat and sugar - and it produces the relaxation/happiness hormones, serotonin and dopamine more rapidly. a lot of people gravitate towards chocolate because of its hormone producing abilities, so if you''re one of them, be sure to have the dark chocolate which hits the spot more quickly and more intensely.

stay to about an ounce - or three normal sized pieces - and count them out beforehand; i''ve always found that helped. if in doubt, buy starbucks individual servings of chocolate, which are about 35 gms each. and walk to starbucks to buy them.

keep us informed, maisie - good luck!

 

[whitby_2773]

lulu - unbelievable and shocking about your mother and smoking; really makes you wonder, doesnt it, what tobacco companies got away with back then.

and ambergretchen, the amphetamine story was just hair raising. seriously.

and bee - you go girl! you''re throwing off the negative parts of your heritage slowly but surely - impressive!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Whitby- the more I read your posts the more I think you are a woman after my own heart! I love this thread- you are a beautiful woman!

I too, am turning 50 (yeek!) in October. DH in July. I find I was pretty comfortable or just not as crazy about body issues when I was younger, it does seem
harder as I get older. I am exercising more and trying to eat healthier for health sake, but it is hard. Everything seems to be going south! I think I will be
checking into a little plastic surgery before too long. I dont want to be 20 but I''d like to look in the mirror and feel okay about what I see.

I havent had personal health issues, but my kids have. I had one kid hit by a car at 16 and in bed with broken bones for four months, many surgeries later and
learning to walk again. Then 6 mo after that my oldest son was in a car accident and was in a coma for 4 months and brain injured and I spent more than
a year in intense therapy with him. Life gets in the way sometimes, and kind of throws us for a loop. It does make me so thankful for where we are now
and the simple things in life. Being able to walk kind of trumps the boobs being 36 longs now. I wish the gratitude could overshadow all the body issues-
I''m not quite there yet.

Most of us try to find the balance but it is a process. I love reading other women thoughts, from all shapes, sizes, and ages!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Whitby- the more I read your posts the more I think you are a woman after my own heart! I love this thread- you are a beautiful woman!

I too, am turning 50 (yeek!) in October. DH in July. I find I was pretty comfortable or just not as crazy about body issues when I was younger, it does seem
harder as I get older. I am exercising more and trying to eat healthier for health sake, but it is hard. Everything seems to be going south! I think I will be
checking into a little plastic surgery before too long. I dont want to be 20 but I''d like to look in the mirror and feel okay about what I see.

I havent had personal health issues, but my kids have. I had one kid hit by a car at 16 and in bed with broken bones for four months, many surgeries later and
learning to walk again. Then 6 mo after that my oldest son was in a car accident and was in a coma for 4 months and brain injured and I spent more than
a year in intense therapy with him. Life gets in the way sometimes, and kind of throws us for a loop. It does make me so thankful for where we are now
and the simple things in life. Being able to walk kind of trumps the boobs being 36 longs now. I wish the gratitude could overshadow all the body issues-
I''m not quite there yet.

Most of us try to find the balance but it is a process. I love reading other women thoughts, from all shapes, sizes, and ages!

 

[luv2sparkle]

I have no idea why that posted twice!

 

[Ara Ann]

I need a hug too...and this thread...and to vent to all of you ladies. I admit, I am a PS "HL" thread drop out...and I am just totally down in the dumps. I am usually a very peppy and happy person, but just can''t seem to get myself together.

I''m 5''4", with a curvy-large build too (hubby likes my curves, no issues with him!)...I''ve been ALL over the scale my whole life, from a size 4-6, (but was still curvy, small waist, big bust, think Marylin Monroe!) to a size 18...and I also like being about a 10-12. I gain weight very easily and turn to food for comfort, bad combination! Right now, I''m near the upper end of the scale again, due to many things that were beyond my control.

This last year and a half has been SO incredibly HARD on me. I turned 41 in November, a vast contrast to my 40th...turning 40 was actually GREAT. I was looking forward to it, my hubby gave me a wonderful ''Princess Party'' to celebrate...I FELT great, I had lost weight, was eating right, working out...I felt like I had come into my own, I had been developing that ''mature satisfaction'' that comes along with growing older and wiser...things were great. Until my husband had a sort of an emotional breakdown, shortly after my b-day. He had/has a very personal serious emotional issue, he''s had his whole life, that he had never dealt with fully. It had gotten to the point where he just couldn''t handle it any longer and basically had a meltdown...this turned our whole family/relationship upside down, as he tried to come to terms with his issue... We married VERY young, we''d been each others best friend forever, yet he had to deal with this on his own and I felt a HUGE loss of control and sense of self, in that my role as his wife and friend wasn''t enough to help him through this trial. Even the future of our marriage was in question, dependent on how he chose to handle his problems... He did go to therapy, and after several months, he started going to church again and also got some great help from our pastor/friend, both helped a lot, but there were many months where I felt like my world had collapsed.

I tried to keep myself on a positive track, I did for the most part, but as this dragged out, I turned back to food again and gained about 25 pounds... After a few more months, he was doing better, we were doing GREAT again too, stronger than ever, even planning to renew our marriage vows (which would have been this April!), but on Christmas Day, I developed ''Bell''s Palsy'' - brought on by stress and a viral infection, which damages the facial nerve and causes facial paralysis. I had 100% paralysis on the right half of my face, my eyelid was stuck open (I had to tape it closed), my mouth/lips wouldn''t move, my tastebuds were dead on that side, I couldn''t speak clearly, on and on...too many things to mention, AND it HURT...This was devastating to me...I also subscribe to the theory that you can''t always have a nice face and body at the same time, but I had a pretty face (that''s what I hung onto when I was at the higher end of the scale)...but now that was gone too. Most cases of BP go away, 50% within 6 months, some never heal fully. Yesterday was my 4 month mark and I have improved somewhat, but I still can''t smile or move my eye brow, the eyelid works lots better though!

But as a result of the BP, I had to basically rest to recuperate... The only proven ''help'' for BP is time, as the nerve heals itself and regrows...and I was physically exhausted from this too...so for the last 4 months, I have been a couch potato. And I''ve gained even more weight back. I tried to start up a very easy exercise program about a month and a half ago, but the BP flared up again (pain can flare up as the nerve heals) and I just had to tell myself to take it easy and not push through it, I have to let my body heal.

My hubby has been GREAT, still tells me I''m beautiful...he makes me feel special and that has helped SO much...he''s the best.

Anyway, we postponed renewing our vows because I wanted to be able to smile for pictures and wanted to look like myself! I had even gotten a new e-ring, in anticipation of the vow renewal, but the diamond cracked after it was set! And there is no insurance to replace it...that''s another story...

So here I sit, after a year and a half of going through ''heck'', with a big, uncomfortable body and 1/4 of my face not working...I have aged about 10 years in the past year and feel horrible. I know part of it is also hormonal, "perimenopause" anyone?

Hormones have ALWAYS been my undoing when it comes to healthy eating/exercise. I can stay on a great plan for about 2 weeks, then my hormones go wacky and I eat EVERYthing in sight! And now that the perimenopause has hit, I don''t even get a good 2 weeks to count on! My hormones are all over the place, a reaction to all the stress I''ve been under... I did find a good natural supplement that may help, I ordered it last week and I''m waiting for it to get here!!

So this thread helps...somewhat...the pre-"BP" me would have chimed right in and said, "At least I have a pretty face, I can work on the rest" - but I can''t even say that....not yet anyway. And I am still totally exhausted...like chronic fatigue has now set in, after months of not being able to move around. I can''t even go for a walk, unless I tape my eye closed (my eye still gets irritated from a breeze)..I can''t smile and talk with my neighbors if I DID go out...I just hate feeling SO off, from who I used to be.

Believe me ladies (and guys)...it is not all about looks...I am not upset about how I ''look'' after the BP, as much as the loss of function, not being able to blink, to kiss my hubby how I want to, not being able to speak clearly, not being able to smile at a cute baby at the store...not being able to spit toothpaste into the sink...just silly things compared to what others face, but someone''s smile and face conveys who they are, to the world...a smile is so meaningful and I used to smile all the time...those are the things that hurt even more than looking different...that is what has me down.


sorry to unload all of this and sorry it got so long, there is so much going on...I really do appreciate what others go through as a result of having BP, so in that regard, I have learned a lot from it, but I am also just worn out after a year and a half of emotional upheaval. I hope this new year ahead finally gets BETTER!

Thanks for reading...

 

[luv2sparkle]

Ara-ann, I am going to be praying for you. Life definitely throws us huge curve-balls that are so hard to take. I have been there too. I wish I could give you
a big hug- it does help to vent, just a bit! I hope life gets easier for you and you heal to 100%!

 

[whitby_2773]

Ara Ann –

Hey! Look! We joined PriceScope on the same day! (that’s my very first response)

So – just so you know – I’m starting off this post smiling at you – just cause we joined on the same day and that makes us PriceScope sisters. ☺

I read your post and lady – I hear you. I really hear you. I spent 2005 in bed on my stomach due to some bad back problems – which have predominantly but not entirely healed – so I know what it is to be both isolated and debilitated.

I also had a girlfriend who had BP – and, like you, it struck her out of the blue. She was young – in her 20’s – and it may encourage you to know that her recovery, tho slow, was enough that she reached a place where people couldn’t tell she had ever had anything wrong. She was always left with occasional strange tingling sensations, but the pain went and the movement returned and she was as close to her old self as allowed her to live her life normally.

You really sound like you’ve been through the wringer! Can I ask you a little about yourself? Like – what country you live in and how long you’ve been married? (you can round up or down if you like) I’m wondering about that cracked replacement engagement ring, frankly, and how long you had to wait for that. What size was the stone that cracked, Ara Ann? I’m trying to get a feel for how big that particular disaster was. Sometimes it’s just one thing after another, isn’t it?

And I’m so sorry about your precious face. ☹ I get all the self esteem issues tied up with this for you – and how hard and isolating this is. ANYBODY would find this incredibly difficult, but to have this after the year you’ve had would be just beyond bearable for most of us, I think. Are you on bed rest? What mobility do you have? My first thought, after a leap of compassion towards you, was to work on your body. If your face isn’t doing what you want it to right now, then work on your body so you can come out of this with something wonderful. I know you cant do heavy exercise, but you can diet and cut calories. Have you thought about spending time working out the perfect diet to lose weight, address wrinkles, make your hair glossy and your skin glowing? You said you’d aged 10 years with this; well that just doesn’t seem fair! You shouldn’t have to go through all of this and lose 10 years of visual youth as well. And 41 is NOT old. And frankly – it shouldn’t be peri menopause, either; it would be VERY young for that.

Have you read Dr Perricone’s books? His website is ‘perriconemd.com’. I had a girlfriend come out from Australia for 2 months last year and do his diet for 8 weeks; her face literally changed color. In fact (I just called her in Australia and woke her up in the idle of the night – yay!), I’m going to attach 2 photos of her so you can see for yourself. Keep in mind – this was 8 weeks… She is 43 in these photos. This diet is an anti-inflammation diet, so good for nerve pain and regrowth and cellular health and so on.

Ara Ann, what I mainly want to do, like luv2sparkle, is give you a big hug and make you a cup of tea. But I can’t do that, so all I can do is give you any information I think might help and encourage you to do what CAN be done for the road to recovery.

Lady, don’t give up! This is not the end of your recovery or the best it’s going to be. Every day your nerves are healing, and you can help your body with what you eat, the rest you get, and by trying to do the sorts of things that will relax and re-energize you. How about face packs? Make sure you get into the sun (do you live in a house? Apartment? Are you in the northern hemisphere? Southern hemisphere? As in – what season is it for you?) so you get the vitamin D you need. Burn oils – stimulate your senses in ways which are possible. Make sure your home smells GREAT – and relaxes you when you’re in it. Do you have an oil burner? Let’s burn some anti-stress lavender, orange and cedar oils. If you have an oil burner let me know I’ll give you a recipe for this. And let’s get a masque onto your hair; no reason in the world you cant have great hair!

Are you on leave from a job? Do you have children? I’m wondering how extensive are your daily commitments? Can you take up drawing to pass the time? Reading? Writing letters? And you DEFINITELY need a massage! Those people can come ot your house – and even if you can’t find someone who will, go anyway and just let the therapist know ahead of time what your situation is. If it’s painful to be touched, how about reflexology? When I used to work with people suffering depression, I used to encourage them to do at least one thing they liked every day. Ara Ann, perhaps it would help to find the things you like…and do those.

Everyone is entitled to the occasional off year. Some people say ‘off day’ – but I’ve had whole years that sucked. This sounds like your year – and you’re entitled to it. You’re allowed to feel flat and horrible and sad. But you also need to remember that this is not all these is, and sooner or later, you’ll get a little energy and it will be time to climb out of the hole.

I really WOULD encourage you, tho, to go and see an endocrinologist and have your hormones checked out. This sounds more out of synch than it should be at your age and it needs to be looked into. Pronto.

Ara Ann – keep posting pls? Stay in touch – we’re gonna walk this road together, ok?

 

[whitby_2773]

luv2sparkle -

you sound like you have such a warm heart

i am pro plastic surgery - and i totally get everything heading south! sometimes a nip and a tuck can give us a huge boost. this is just my opinion, of course, but it really is what i think. how can it possibly hurt to treat yourself?

how are your children now? i couldnt work out how long ago the accidents happened; what were the ongoing effects for your son who was in a coma and how is he now? and did all the bones heal for your other child? what a huge burden for you! if you can carry your family through THAT, your self esteem should be rock solid, because you''re a superwoman!

i hope you''re enjoying your sunday

 

[whitby_2773]

Ara Ann - here are my friend''s 8 week before and after photos...

this is before....