My diamond has better proportions than me - a thread for imperfect women comfortable in their own sk

[Tacori E-ring]

I wish I was comfortable in my own skin but I never have been. Not even when I DID have a great body. I am short with a small frame which in a way is a curse. Extra fat on me looks like FAT.

Anyways, you are an inspiration and are a lovely woman. I hope someday, like you, I can feel beautiful in my own skin.

 

[KimberlyH]

As a longtime member of the HL thread and a real woman, whatever that means, I am: imperfect (carrying around an extra 70+ pounds for a few years means stretch marks, extra skin, and lack of muscle tone) , comfortable in my own skin, and dedicated to my health which means exercising and eating right. I don't believe these things are mutually exclusive. My goal is to live my best life, and for me that means exercising and eating healthy so that I can be active for a long time to come.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 4/17/2009 3:48:06 AM
Author: whitby_2773
karl! ROFL!


i have one sister, she''s a headmistress at an all girls school, and she is terrifying!


thank you for the pearl suggestion but you are woefully off topic!!


(laughingggg!)


(alternately, if you are secretly a woman who has struggled all her life - or even recently - with what you see as your short comings, feel free to post here!)

*grin*

storm is a fugly guy and kewl with that.

 

[whitby_2773]

Tacori E-ring – I hear you! Getting comfortable is, I think, part of aging. One realizes after a point that societal pressures are generally made by people NOT comfortable with themselves who just want others to be as uncomfortable as them. And as for being small and curvy, in England in the - 1700’s? 1600’s? - there was a famous beauty and her nickname was ‘The Pocket Venus’. That always sounded like the height of sensuality and seduction to me. Perhaps that’s your ‘look’… (now that doesn’t sound bad, does it?)

KimberlyH – I agree with you – they’re not mutually exclusive. I’ve had a hard time balancing them, tho, since my spine basically exploded on me. I’ve had to reprioritize and lower my standards of what it meant for me to be fit and healthy. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it’s been a mentally healthy readjustment I think. I think I was driven before; now – not so much.

Storm – self deprecating humor is way sexier than perfect features will ever be. Roll over, Tom Cruise – here comes Storm!

 

[Scorpioanne]

Hi, my name is Anne and I am a curvy woman!

We are all perfect as we are and I have found that as I get older the more I become comfortable with myself. I am going to be 50 in October and there is something freeing about that, not that I have given up, it''s about feeling that what I think is the most important.
I have had to quit colouring my hair due to an allergy and since my husband is 5 years younger I had a tough time with that but have come to really like the silver. My 75 year old neighbour asked me if I paid to have my hair done or was it natural, she really likes it.
Some researchers did a longitudinal study on graduates from Radcliffe I believe and found as these women entered their mid fifties their self-esteem had increased by leaps and bounds since their twenties.
We''re not getting older we''re getting better and if we are curvy there is more of us to love!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 4/17/2009 9:13:21 PM
Author: whitby_2773

KimberlyH – I agree with you – they’re not mutually exclusive. I’ve had a hard time balancing them, tho, since my spine basically exploded on me. I’ve had to reprioritize and lower my standards of what it meant for me to be fit and healthy. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it’s been a mentally healthy readjustment I think. I think I was driven before; now – not so much.

Balance is difficult. Wanting to be healthy and still eat foods I enjoy has been a struggle. Exercise is something I love, my husband swears I turn into a total crankpot when I don''t get my exercise in, but I love food and that''s where I''ve had to work really hard. I won''t give up ice cream, wine, a nice meal out, but I will give up other stuff so I can have those things.

I''m sorry about your back troubles, and my guess is you''re still driven, just by different factors now.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 4/17/2009 7:51:39 AM
Author: atroop711
OMG WHITBY...I LOVE YOU More and more every day!


I''m 5ft 4 and also large framed. All of my life I had the shoulders of a LINE BACKER! I always told my dad I was meant to be his son

with how large framed I am. I LOVE myself at 150lbs. Others see that number and think WHAT?? I think...damn I look GOOD! LOL. 150lbs for me is thin...I usually go btwn 150-160lbs....

atroop, You sound just like me except that I carry a lot of weight in my muscular legs. One of my cousins was an NFL running back and unfortunately, I have pretty similar thighs

My whole family has them though and my SO loves them so I''m learning to be more comfortable. I''m the same as you though in that if people knew my actual weight, they would be shocked and for most people they would consider themselves really overweight...oh well.

Whitby, thank you for starting this thread! I love hearing from women who are comfortable in their own skin. It gets old really quick going to lunch with a bunch of ladies and having them only talk about how many calories are in your meal or how badly they need to take off 15 lbs.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/16/2009 11:22:37 PM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 4/16/2009 11:16:20 PM

Author: AmberGretchen

OMG whitby - the title of this thread made me LOL

I think you look wonderful in your pictures - very healthy and fit

I think I''m solidly in the middle on these things - I''m 5''3'' and I''ll definitely never be skinny, but I do wear a size 6 (sometimes a 4, occasionally an 8 or even a 2 or a 10 depending on the brand). But because of my height, that definitely isn''t tiny. But I lost almost 50 lbs to get back here, so I think its a pretty good place to be. As long as I''m healthy and feel fit and can be very active, I''m a happy camper - that just happens to go with being around a certain size for me, because when I''m heavier I can''t do all the things I want to do as easily.

AmberGretchen! i''ve been thinking about you and your back. i do hope things unknot and stretch back into place. i read your post and knew exactly how you felt. am sending you a cyber heatpack; get well soon! mwah!

Awww...thanks Whitby! I am (finally) a bit better today - I think a combination of acupuncture, some very gentle massage, and finally an opiate painkiller I can tolerate without throwing it up (yay for tramadol!). Its amazing to have the edge off the pain, even if I am a bit loopy

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/17/2009 7:16:29 AM
Author: Maisie
Whitby,


The more I read your posts, the more I am drawn to your personality. You are such a fun, sweet and caring person. I am glad you are happy in your own skin, I don''t see any problems with you anyway. You are beautiful both inside and out.


I struggle with my weight. I comfort eat and I know its not helping me out at all. I now have sciatica and its killing me. I can''t walk more than a few minutes without agonising pain in my lower back and leg. I am trying to lose weight but my medication seems to have different ideas. I have gained lots of weight since I started taking anti-depressants. I am not ready to come off them yet but comfort eating can be controlled. I have made a deal with my husband. If he can give up smoking I will give up the rubbish I stick in my mouth every day.


We are in day two. Ask me how I am doing in a month

Maisie - I think its so wonderful that you and your hubby are supporting each other in trying to get healthy. I know what comfort eating is like - its a really tough habit to break. But you are such a lovely, strong woman, I know you can do it! I don''t know if its helpful, but one thing that worked for me was to have lots of reminders to myself about why I was doing it - making healthier choices not just to look better but so I could enjoy life more, be more active, be around longer to enjoy all the things I love, etc...

In any case I''ll be keeping my fingers and toes (and kitties'' paws

) crossed hard for both of you!

 

[katebar]

Whitby I like to use this quote from Catherine Deneuve. "When we get older women need to choose the arse or the face". I have chosen to have a face that looks content plump and youthful rather than the skeletor look that happens a la Housewives of Orange County.
It is a balance and I am happy not to the size 4 of my youth.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/18/2009 4:51:10 AM
Author: katebar
Whitby I like to use this quote from Catherine Deneuve. ''When we get older women need to choose the arse or the face''. I have chosen to have a face that looks content plump and youthful rather than the skeletor look that happens a la Housewives of Orange County.

It is a balance and I am happy not to the size 4 of my youth.

OMG katebar - I love that quote! I think I will have to file that away for future reference...

 

[AprilBaby]

Date: 4/17/2009 9:35:26 PM
Author: Scorpioanne
Hi, my name is Anne and I am a curvy woman!

We are all perfect as we are and I have found that as I get older the more I become comfortable with myself. I am going to be 50 in October and there is something freeing about that, not that I have given up, it''s about feeling that what I think is the most important.

I have had to quit colouring my hair due to an allergy and since my husband is 5 years younger I had a tough time with that but have come to really like the silver. My 75 year old neighbour asked me if I paid to have my hair done or was it natural, she really likes it.

Some researchers did a longitudinal study on graduates from Radcliffe I believe and found as these women entered their mid fifties their self-esteem had increased by leaps and bounds since their twenties.

We''re not getting older we''re getting better and if we are curvy there is more of us to love!

I agree! As I get to 50 I have more self confidence than I have had any other time in my life! I am heavier than ever, but it doesn''t matter. What matters is inside. Whitby, Go get those pearls! Everyone should get a nice birthstone for their 50th! And wear them with pride! I decided I wanted something "50" so I got (early) a 3 stone bypass ring with .50 ctw diamonds (haven''t posted it yet) to remind me of how FABULOUS 50 is!

 

[omieluv]

Self confidence does go a long way & I think as we age, we do not sweat the small stuff about our bodies as well. We live and learn...

For example, I had no idea growing up that airbrushing existed in magazines, so I always felt terrible about myself. However, since airbrushing is talked about so frequently now, I do not even internalize those images. In fact, I am so glad that airbrushing is talked about these days!

I am someone who has been all over the scale, so I can empathize with many women. I am 5'8" more of an athletic build with broad shoulders, so I can carry weight differently than let's say a woman who is 5'5" with a small frame. In other words, proportion is what matters, not the number on the scale. I have been a size 6 before and my face looked sunken in. This was during the time when I was at the gym for 1.5 hours 4x/week. For the last couple of years, I have let myself go and I have found that while I do not like extra weight on my body, I do like it on my face, as it softens my features. Given that I could stand to drop a few lbs, I have put myself back on track, however, I do not intend to be a size 6 again. I think I look best at an 8 or 10 (toned), which is what I am shooting for.

 

[Bliss]

Whitby, you look stunning. Really. You are totally hot! When I saw the first photo, I was like - wow, what a bad-a$$! You just look so unflinchingly COOL and beautiful. The recent shots show you to be equally lovely, but glowing with happiness. Beautiful!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I''ve been out of town, Whitby, but I wanted to join your club!

In my earlier years, I was always naturally thin no matter what I ate (size 6-8 and 5''6") and I never exercised. Once I got into my 40''s, my metabolism gradually changed and I gradually started gaining weight. I am now about 35 pounds over my weight at age 30. I don''t expect to be that skinny ever again as I enjoy eating and I am not obsessed with being really thin. I need to lose 15 lbs. to be content and 20 would even be better. I am not sure I have the discipline to do it, though. I just definitely do not want to gain any more.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/18/2009 9:24:28 PM
Author: Bliss
Whitby, you look stunning. Really. You are totally hot! When I saw the first photo, I was like - wow, what a bad-a$$! You just look so unflinchingly COOL and beautiful. The recent shots show you to be equally lovely, but glowing with happiness. Beautiful!

Bliss! eeek!

i smiled, blushed, and read your post through my fingers while i half covered my face!

thank you for your lovely compliments. i don''t see myself as beautiful - or ugly - or - well, since hurting my back, i just dont think about it all that often as my goals have changed so much. (until i have to go to a dinner/function, and then i panic like all women!)

i''ve always found ''flawed'' more beautiful than ''perfect'' - perhaps because it just seems more real, more approachable to me. i had a very strong, independent, unique woman for a mother, and she stressed what i did, as opposed to how any of us looked, from the day i was born. she was a bit of a feminist, also, achieving great things in a male dominated profession at a time when women were home in the kitchen. she used to say to me "You''re not here to be decorative, kareyn - what are you going to DO with your life?"

there are women on this site who have achieved amazing things, and overcome incredible hurdles; some of these women impress me just by getting up in the morning - to say nothing of going to work, running households, raising children. Maisie, CatWoman, atroop, LostSapphire - these and dozens of others here are my heroes.

i figured if they can do what they do, the least i could do was ''come out'' and say - ''hey - i hurt my back, put on weight, and found another side to myself''.

thank you again, Bliss - not many people can be so unbridled in their appreciation of somebody other than themselves. which says to me that your heart is as beautiful as any supermodel''s face or figure will ever be.

 

[Bliss]

Wow, well you ARE smokin' lady! You have to know that, right? You're blonde, tall and HOT! It's a fact!

It's incredible sometimes how humble some people are. A lot of women who look like you do would be struuuuuuuttin' it and wooooooorkin' it out! You are so blessed. I know sometimes as women we just don't feel that way sometimes, and sometimes we do... but you are a knockout. Ummm... it's an empirical fact. There are a ton of men who would be sooooooooo freaking proud to have you as a wife. LOL. And the best part is, you don't even know it! You must be a hoot because your posts are always funny and warm. The laughing photo is awesome - I bet you have a great laugh, sista!

Woooooork it... Oooooown it... LOL! STRRRRRUUUUUUT THAT THANG! You got it, girrrrlfriend!

ETA: And all the challenges you've overcome only make you that much smarter, stronger and more compassionate. You've got it goin' OOON, sista! Good for you!

 

[Sha]

I'm 5'3' and 150 lbs, which I think is completely fine. I'm well-proportioned, fairly toned and healthy. So as far as I'm concerned - that's perfect! I don't think a woman is perfect because she wears sizes 0-4, neither do I think I'm 'imperfect' because I wear sizes 10-12. Why do have to categorize ourselves that way?

I think there's too much obsession to be 'thin' in Western society and I really don't understand why (when did 'thin' become a good word, anyway? I always associate that word with starving, emaciated people - not healthy ones. I think the word 'slim' is much better and connotes a healthy weight). I much prefer to see a woman with a liitle 'meat on her bones' than a walking stick figure.

 

[whitby_2773]

Katebar – I saw an article recently that said that under a certain age, carrying extra weight was visually aging. However – OVER a certain age and a moderate amount led to subjects in the study judging women shown to them in photos as being younger than they really were. I figure I am definitely ‘over a certain age’!!

Lucyandroger – I live in Westchester county and eat out mainly in the town of rye – a very nice suburb. I’m pretty sure I’m the only overweight woman there (well, maybe not, but close!) – but I’m equally sure I’m one of the happiest. You sound like you need to join atroop’s and my club for ‘women who probably played male professional sports in a previous life’! welcome!

AmberGretchen – I’m so glad you’re feeling a little better. Are you able ot get up and about? Been thinking of you…. Acupuncture did diddly squat for me, but massage was the bomb baby!

Hi ScorpioAnne! ’50 and curvy’ just no longer sounds like the worst thing in the world, does it? I haven’t ‘given up’ either – but I think now I look to longevity, rather than aesthetics. 50 and curvy sounds kinda wonderful, in fact….

AprilBaby – I love your signature quote. Just love it. I think the single central point for a lot of women getting older is that we no longer compare ourselves to others so harshly, we accept ourselves rather more warmly, and we learn to value different things. I don’t see a down side to that. And – you’re damn right – I need those pearls!

Omieluv- I wonder how many of us had our self esteem shaken because of air-brushing??! All those perfect looking models…who ended up NOT being so perfect in real life! The fantasy of the perfect looking woman is just fine – so long as it STAYS a fantasy; it’s when it crosses over into our expectations of ourselves that it becomes problematic. And I cant even imagine what it would be like to spend one’s whole working life trying to look a certain way. Have you seen the movie, Zoolander? I laugh out loud every time I watch it – and I’ve probably watched it 20 times!

Diamondseeker – please DO join our club! I agree with you – I do not wish to be any heavier than I currently am. However, I’ve made peace with how I got here, and it’s just not the biggest thing (excuse the pun!) in my life. I am a woman with many responsibilities and perhaps I will address this one in time. Frankly, at this stage in my life I am more interested in stats and numbers – like – my cholesterol, my blood pressure, my hormones, my C-reactive protein reading, and so on and so on. Aesthetics comes a long way behind all those numbers for me now. To me, the numbers 110/70 look more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen in the mirror.

Bliss – I’m married to a wonderful man – who also happens to be very good looking. He’s also a few years younger than me, and we’ve been married 25 years. I once asked him what he thought my best feature was, expecting him to say – well, you know – SOME body part… Instead he said “ You praise me.” In that instant I felt like I learned so much – about what people are looking for in others, about how insecure we ALL are pretty regularly, and about how unimportant some of the things we think are so crucial actually are. And just BTW- I’m laughing in my photo because my dog, Dixon, is doing his darnedest to French kiss me! If you look closely, you can actually see his little tongue mooshed into my chin where he’s licking.

Sha – right! Why is it ‘fat’ or ‘thin’? why isn’t it athletic, toned, curvy, plump, or – let’s go all the way! – sensual, ripe or willowy?? Why are the adjectives we use so harsh and clinical? Women’s bodies may be a lot of things, but clinical isn’t one of them!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, ladies – it’s great to hear them!

 

[omieluv]

Date: 4/19/2009 2:28:33 AM
Author: whitby_2773

Omieluv- I wonder how many of us had our self esteem shaken because of air-brushing??! All those perfect looking models…who ended up NOT being so perfect in real life! The fantasy of the perfect looking woman is just fine – so long as it STAYS a fantasy; it’s when it crosses over into our expectations of ourselves that it becomes problematic. And I cant even imagine what it would be like to spend one’s whole working life trying to look a certain way. Have you seen the movie, Zoolander? I laugh out loud every time I watch it – and I’ve probably watched it 20 times!

I would guess that a good % of young girls develop negative self esteem when exposed to images of the "ideal" woman. These images could be in magazines, on the Internet, TV, movies, you get the idea. However, I am wondering if a study has been done looking at self esteem in young girls who participate in activities they feel they are good at (sports, art, music..etc) vs young girls who really do not have any outside interests that they feel good about. Perhaps young girls having an activity that boosts their self esteem are not as likely to have a negative self image as others who have nothing to feel good about.

 

[lulu]

Whitby, I envy you your mother. I grew up with a mom who started telling me I was fat at about 7 and never quit. She had weight issues and thought she could save me. If she had never started weighing me in and putting me on diets I''d have been a normal weight all my life. Instead I''ve swung up and down and upp and down. Maisie, I''ve been on antidepressants most of my adult life. I''ve just learned to accept that I need them to be happy and the weight comes with them.

I''m 5''2" and in high school I was 150. Looking at photos now I see that I was curvy and cute, but was told how fat I was. In college I became anorexic. When I was on tamoxifen for 5 years due to breast issues I got up to 223! Now I''m 170 and gardening season is starting so I''ll lose 10 pounds. I have to say that I have much more self-esteem now at 56 than ever. I''d like to lose weight. My husband and I walk 3.5 miles every day and I try to eat right, but I love food. Whitby you are beautiful.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 4/19/2009 10:50:10 AM
Author: lulu
Whitby, I envy you your mother. I grew up with a mom who started telling me I was fat at about 7 and never quit. She had weight issues and thought she could save me. If she had never started weighing me in and putting me on diets I''d have been a normal weight all my life. Instead I''ve swung up and down and upp and down. Maisie, I''ve been on antidepressants most of my adult life. I''ve just learned to accept that I need them to be happy and the weight comes with them.


I''m 5''2'' and in high school I was 150. Looking at photos now I see that I was curvy and cute, but was told how fat I was. In college I became anorexic. When I was on tamoxifen for 5 years due to breast issues I got up to 223! Now I''m 170 and gardening season is starting so I''ll lose 10 pounds. I have to say that I have much more self-esteem now at 56 than ever. I''d like to lose weight. My husband and I walk 3.5 miles every day and I try to eat right, but I love food. Whitby you are beautiful.

i get what you''re saying lulu. as a kids'' psychologist, i cant tell you how many parents i''ve met who think they will modify their child''s behavior by impressing upon them how horrible they currently are! RIDICULOUS! if you want your child to be fit and healthy, parents need to get off their butts and model a lifestyle of physical fitness. the parent who won''t adopt a behavior themselves has no right to criticize someone 30 years younger than them with no other role model when they they don''t adopt the ''correct'' behavior either!

madness.

however - on the other hand....

{{{{{{{{lulu + whitby}}}}}}}

just wanted to give you a hug.

 

[lulu]

Thanks Whitby. But I swear someday I''ll get back to my original weight-6lbs.3oz- looked great then Could really fill out a diaper;not to mention fill it up.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 4/19/2009 1:30:37 PM
Author: lulu
Thanks Whitby. But I swear someday I''ll get back to my original weight-6lbs.3oz- looked great then Could really fill out a diaper;not to mention fill it up.

haha! That was my original weight, too! Both skinny at one time!

I wanted to add that even though I said I want to lose a few pounds, I am totally comfortable not being thin-thin anymore. There is more to me than my appearance, and I do believe what makes a woman truly beautiful comes from within. I certainly don''t want to be unattractive to my husband, but I don''t have to try to look like a 30 year old to gain his approval.

 

[musey]

Whitby, I think you look fab - and most importantly, you sound really content to be YOU, which speaks volumes

if only more women could share your outlook on personal value and confidence.

I think like anyone else, I''m learning to love myself more all the time. I still have the things I''d change if I could, but someday I''ll learn to accept and love those parts of me too, I hope. I''m happy to have at least learned to look past those buggy body parts, and draw my sense of self-worth from other parts of ME that are more important, which in turn helps me to focus on improving those more important aspects (intellect, character, compassion) more so than the less important things (waistline, or in my case, bootyline

).

I value a healthy lifestyle, and while I take pride in improving my personal appearance, that is increasingly becoming simply a happy side effect of just plain living well

 

[MichelleCarmen]

.

 

[bee*]

Not sure how I missed this thread the first time! I think that you look amazing Whitby! I love your attitude too and I can only hope to have the same in the future. At the moment I''m not that happy with me so I''m trying to work on that. I was at the gym today and I heard a woman who was not a model figure say how sexy her body was and I just loved her attitude towards herself so she''s my new role model!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 4/19/2009 11:02:59 AM
Author: whitby_2773
i get what you''re saying lulu. as a kids'' psychologist, i cant tell you how many parents i''ve met who think they will modify their child''s behavior by impressing upon them how horrible they currently are! RIDICULOUS! if you want your child to be fit and healthy, parents need to get off their butts and model a lifestyle of physical fitness. the parent who won''t adopt a behavior themselves has no right to criticize someone 30 years younger than them with no other role model when they they don''t adopt the ''correct'' behavior either!

madness.

Oh whitby, how I wish you had been around to talk sense into my parents during my childhood, especially my dad! He used to say the meanest things ("those new clothes look cute, but they''d look even cuter if you lost 5 lbs

) - I can see that as a young child, I was definitely chubby, but I leaned out some as I got older, and wasn''t even that big as a teenager (like a size 2-4!). Its so scarring when parents say these kinds of things to their kids, and I often think they don''t even realize it. Bravo for you for saying what needs to be said to these misguided parents

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/21/2009 4:41:48 PM
Author: AmberGretchen

Date: 4/19/2009 11:02:59 AM

Author: whitby_2773

i get what you''re saying lulu. as a kids'' psychologist, i cant tell you how many parents i''ve met who think they will modify their child''s behavior by impressing upon them how horrible they currently are! RIDICULOUS! if you want your child to be fit and healthy, parents need to get off their butts and model a lifestyle of physical fitness. the parent who won''t adopt a behavior themselves has no right to criticize someone 30 years younger than them with no other role model when they they don''t adopt the ''correct'' behavior either!


madness.

That''s awful AG. My parents were unfortunately the total opposite and used to use food as a treat for everything and I''d say I could be 50stone and my parents would still think I was slim. Somewhere inbetween the two would be good.


Oh whitby, how I wish you had been around to talk sense into my parents during my childhood, especially my dad! He used to say the meanest things (''those new clothes look cute, but they''d look even cuter if you lost 5 lbs

) - I can see that as a young child, I was definitely chubby, but I leaned out some as I got older, and wasn''t even that big as a teenager (like a size 2-4!). Its so scarring when parents say these kinds of things to their kids, and I often think they don''t even realize it. Bravo for you for saying what needs to be said to these misguided parents

 

[AmberGretchen]

Bee - I totally agree that the other extreme is no good either - the more parents can promote a healthy attitude it seems, the better off kids are. One thing my mom did which was great was she always made me lots of fresh veggies, and my dad was really into fresh fruit, so between the two of them I developed good habits as far as produce was concerned