Must learn by Highschool Graduation (or 18) List

[Gypsy]

We did this once before, and I thought it was interesting then... so why not do it again.

What is your list of what a kid needs to know how to do by their highschool graduation or 18?

You don't have to be a parent to contribute... we were all that age at some point and that gives us valid perspective.

For me... the key think is that a kid needs the basics of critical thinking and problem solving. They will not be able to do everything. But they should be able (especially in this day and age of Bing and Google) to be able to FIGURE OUT where to go to get instructions, advice on how to do things, on how to evaluate truth from fiction, and how to make their own INFORMED and well thought out decisions.

I don't think a kid needs to know how to cook 5 basic dishes. But they should be able to figure out how to go to the library and check out a cookbook, look up recipes online, use a dictionary to look up unfamiliar terms, and use You Tube for demos on how to for techniques and more. If they can cook a basic 5 dishes above and beyond that... even better. But its the THINKING and problem solving part that is key for me. Skills you can and WILL learn throughout your life. Learning how to think... that's what comes first, and is most important.

What about you? What skills, things do you think kids need to learn?

On the five basic dishes front:
1. Fry an egg.
2. Boil water for pasta. Heat jarred sauce.
3. Bake something sweet. Cookies.
4. Basics of safe BBQing. BBQ chicken, whatever (just meat and a bottle of sauce). Or even just BBQ hot dogs or hamburgers.
5. Whatever their favorite dish is.

For me though... I'd tell them they need to make cookies. Go with them to a website. Download a recipe. Go shopping for the items required. Then show them how to do it, and have them do it at the same time step by step. Then next time... tell them they have to do it all by themselves, but that they can use any online or library resource as an aide. That way they learn how to make cookies... and how to make anything else they want to make, because you've thought them to think through the problem of how to make cookies. Which is sweeter than any single batch of cookies. And a lot more useful.

 

[SB621]

I just listened to Ashton Kutchers' speech at the kids choice awards on youtube...it is blowing up all over the internet. So I hate to say "what he said" but that is exactly what I'm going to say.

What I hope for my children:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNXwKGZHmDc

 

[Dancing Fire]

Learn the 4Cs ...

 

[Supers]

Do laundry - know how to use the washing machine and be able to hang out the washing.

 

[madelise]

- how to navigate the OTC drugs in the drug store. I didn't learn until recently that many medications include the same exact ingredients, so taking a NyQuil and a phlegm medication can overdose you on acetowhateverphen. Um, oops?

- how credit works.

 

[GreenBling]

Some of what i want for my own son:

Priorities in life - e.g. health, love, learning, career, interest, children, friends, family etc

Learn about humility

Managing own finance

Critical thinking

Acceptance, respect for others - cultures, race, sexual orientation, religion, beliefs, choices etc

Understand self and manage own emotions

Problem solving

 

[Lulie]

Have discussions about our expectations for their conduct like excessive drinking, plagiarizing, cheating, safe sex, etc.
Start putting cash away in an emergency fund for rainy days.
Learn to cook nutritious meals.
Learn to wash clothes.
He/she might not be driving frosh but is good to know basic car maintenance such as tire change/pressure and oil level. .
Pick a school that matches with you, not your friends or us.
Pick a major based on what you want rather than my expectations.
Avoid Technical school like plague, sorry.
Stay away from loans, fill out scholarships aps and get a part-time job ASAP.
Choose roommates carefully.
Always lock your personals.
Keep $20 with you at all times.
Join a club, best way to make friends.
Do not be afraid to talk to professors during office hours.
Keep participating in volunteer activities, internships and part-time jobs.
Pick a hobby not related to school.
Give yourself a brake once in a while.
Call me at least once a week.
Enjoy your age to the fullest.

 

[Smith1942]

What an interesting topic!


Here's mine, in terms of practical matters:


- That you need to finish the course of antibiotics even though you feel fighting fit again.
- That laundry colours need to be sorted.
- When a recipe calls for creme fraiche, don't use a substitute because creme fraiche is the only cream that doesn't curdle at high temperatures.
- Shop around before buying.
- Always sign up for store loyalty cards in order to get coupons.
- Calories in/calories out must be balanced or you will gain/lose weight, (provided you have no underlying medical issues).
- Fad diets that restrict entire food groups are bad. Don't take any notice of food fashions. Everyone needs a balanced diet of fruit, veg, proteins and carbs. Include dairy and wholegrains. Eat clean and simple. Don't eat anything that your great-grandparents wouldn't have recognised as food. Sat fats and trans fats are bad.
- Choose plastic products that are free of BPAs and personal care products that are free of phthalates.
- You won't always be able to eat nothing but pizza, do no exercise, stay up late and still be a picture of health. Youth fades so form good habits now.
- If going into hospital, take lots of spare underwear, a torch, a robe, earplugs, a small fan and some wet wipes.


Dating matters:
- If he doesn't call, he's not very interested.
- When she says no, she means it.
- Don't hit girls.
- Don't get pregnant.
- Sex does not necessarily mean he loves you.


Career matters:
- Beat the deadline.
- Socialise with your colleagues.
- Don't be late.
- Don't tell your colleagues personal things. You don't want to add grist to the office mill. Let them gossip about others, not you.
- Beware the fact-finding mission: the person who takes you to lunch on your first day, seems over-interested and wants to know everything about you. They're sniffing you out, so just be careful what you give away, however friendly they might seem. Perhaps they applied for the job that you got. Tread carefully until you become familiar with the characters and politics of the new office.
- Once you've said it, especially in a meeting, you can't take it back.


Money matters:
- Learn the basics of how the stock market works.
- Keep a cushion in your current account, so if you go a little over your budget, it doesn't matter.
- Work out a budget and allow yourself a little fun money.


Emotional matters:
- Exercise kindness to others.
- Few people are truly bad, more likely scared or been through something worse than you have.
- Be forgiving of older people; they're quite likely to be suffering from one or more invisible medical conditions that you can't imagine suffering from at 18.



And finally...

Respect your parents!

ETA: Taxes are not optional. Pay them all. You really, really don't want to tangle with the IRS.

 

[Circe]

- how to navigate the OTC drugs in the drug store. I didn't learn until recently that many medications include the same exact ingredients, so taking a NyQuil and a phlegm medication can overdose you on acetowhateverphen. Um, oops?

- how credit works.

I'm 34, and I STILL didn't know the first one. It makes perfect sense, I just never thought about it! So, thank *you* for educating somebody almost twice the age we're discussing!

 

[lyra]

So, a pat on the back and a "You're on your own NOW!", just doesn't cut it? The only piece of real advice I remember my mother giving me early in life, is that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, but that's life. I expanded upon that idea for many situations. At work, I'd do whatever I hated most, first. At home, I'd do the same with cleaning. For deadlines of any kind, do the part you hate first. Like spending money--save a minimum of 20% (or more) first. On and on.

 

[momhappy]

Besides just teaching my kids to be decent, caring, respectful, polite, human beings, there's not much else that they "have" to know upon high school graduation. I think that many of us are not taught things like cooking, sewing, washing clothes and yet we manage just fine.

 

[Smith1942]

Besides just teaching my kids to be decent, caring, respectful, polite, human beings, there's not much else that they "have" to know upon high school graduation. I think that many of us are not taught things like cooking, sewing, washing clothes and yet we manage just fine.

Mmmm...maybe some of us manage just fine! Personally, I knew nothing about food and fainted from lack of nutrition at the end of my first term at university - admittedly it was in the shower at 4am after dancing all night - but I went home weighing about 100 pounds having lost about 12, and also my dressing gown caught fire when I was cooking an egg over the gas flame as no one had taught me anything about gas stoves - I can still remember the flame dancing up my sleeve - and I cut myself, badly but not catastrophically, when I tried to open a coconut. OK, I was using a drill. The coconut had that nice indent in the end and it seemed a good place to start, get the milk out. I couldn't believe this exotic item was only 40p in the local supermarket and waltzed back with my prize, no thought of how I was going to open it.

Fortunately, I came to no permanent harm. My boyfriend caught me in the shower, I flapped my sleeve and stamped out the flame, and my coconut drill cut wasn't bad enough to go to hospital. If it had been, my boyfriend was there then, too.

Perhaps a little more practical instruction and a little less study would have helped me when I left home!

 

[ksinger]

Besides just teaching my kids to be decent, caring, respectful, polite, human beings, there's not much else that they "have" to know upon high school graduation. I think that many of us are not taught things like cooking, sewing, washing clothes and yet we manage just fine.

It depends on what you mean by "fine". If you mean that the people who don't know how to cook, wash clothes, or clean up after themselves have to learn at some point, or live in squalor, or have to have someone else take care of them and pick up behind them as if they are children - thus putting undue strain on their intimate relationships, then yeah, they manage just fine.

I think very basic cooking, cleaning up after oneself, being able to sew on a button, and to wash one's own clothes to be about the most basic life skills anyone should have. It's kind of hard to be respectful and polite when you just assume everyone else is going to be wild to do your grunt work for you, and you can't know how much work you're putting on other people if you've never had to DO IT yourself.

Of course I imagine my take on the matter might be moot if a person has a trust fund....

 

[Gypsy]

Besides just teaching my kids to be decent, caring, respectful, polite, human beings, there's not much else that they "have" to know upon high school graduation. I think that many of us are not taught things like cooking, sewing, washing clothes and yet we manage just fine.

Yeah. No.

I went to school with a bunch of people who didn't have these skills in college. Then then went I went to law school I met a bunch of 21 year olds that ALSO didn't have these skills.

Many were not okay. I know one girl who ran up student loans because she hadn't been taught any of the above AND also had not been taught fiscal responsibility. Her solution? Hire people to do these for her, and eat out all the time. She graduated law school with 180K in loans. I know she had credit card debit too. God knows how much.

Not surprisingly... she kept up the behavior. And thought she'd be fine once she got her 150k a year job. Not so much. Last I heard she lost her job, defaulted on her loans... and was back to living with her parents and leaching off them. They are not wealthy people, and have had to delay their retirement to be able to support her.

"Shiny happy people" are not enough.
You have to prepare your kids for life. If you don't well... karma has a way of making sure you do. Or, as others have pointed out... they will be a burden on others, put strains on their relationships, and end up divorced lonely and bitter.

 

[tammy77]

As I mentioned in the college funding thread, it is VERY important to teach our kids how to function as adults and what it takes to really keep a household running smoothly. Not only so they can take care of themselves instead of burdening others, but also so they will hopefully have more respect for the work that their roommates/significant others do as they go through life. My DH's mom was a home economics teacher when he was growing up, so he learned ALL of the skills (cooking, cleaning, etc.) necessary to take care of himself. Let me tell you, it has made our marriage SO much more enjoyable! I love my MIL for that.

My two older kids are 8 & 10 and they still have a lot to learn but are on their way. They've learned how to cook basic recipes/measure ingredients properly, load/unload the dishwasher, laundry washing/drying/putting away, dusting and just general upkeep of our home. My 10 year old even has an herb garden that she loves to care for! I love the results too, I never have to buy herbs. I will say that I think the younger we start teaching them, the easier it will be and the more receptive they will be to learning/helping out. Sure, they'll be unruly teens but they won't forget the skills...I hope!

 

[Gypsy]

As I mentioned in the college funding thread, it is VERY important to teach our kids how to function as adults and what it takes to really keep a household running smoothly. Not only so they can take care of themselves instead of burdening others, but also so they will hopefully have more respect for the work that their roommates/significant others do as they go through life. My DH's mom was a home economics teacher when he was growing up, so he learned ALL of the skills (cooking, cleaning, etc.) necessary to take care of himself. Let me tell you, it has made our marriage SO much more enjoyable! I love my MIL for that.

My two older kids are 8 & 10 and they still have a lot to learn but are on their way. They've learned how to cook basic recipes/measure ingredients properly, load/unload the dishwasher, laundry washing/drying/putting away, dusting and just general upkeep of our home. My 10 year old even has an herb garden that she loves to care for! I love the results too, I never have to buy herbs. I will say that I think the younger we start teaching them, the easier it will be and the more receptive they will be to learning/helping out. Sure, they'll be unruly teens but they won't forget the skills...I hope!

I totally agree with this.

One of the BEST things about my husband is that he was raised by 3 much older sisters (he's was a 'surprise'). And their mom is a terrible housekeeper (though she's very good at laundry) so they ALL had to learn to fend for themselves in self defense, and as the youngest... his sisters taught him all they knew.

He knew how to do laundry better than I did, and he still does the laundry. He had the cooking basics down, and I was able to quickly teach him more... he started out as my sou chef and now he's a chef in his own right and comes up with amazing dishes. He can clean a bathroom like you wouldn't believe and does dishes faster than I do.

All of that helped in him in college too. He never had an issue with finding and keeping roommates, he was able to feed himself affordably.

When you are learning to live together, to mesh your lives together, to merge yourselves into a couple... having a partner that can pull their own weight around the house reduces tension and lets you focus on the really important things.


Tammy, about your son's herb garden:
My husband and I both had vegetables gardens when we were kids (our parents had them and we worked in the garden and learned to take care of plants and discovered the joy of growing your own food) and that's a hobby we share. Even living in an apartment we have 3 HUGE amazing tomato plants in our patio right now, each over 7 feet tall, producing massive amounts of gorgeous fresh fruit for us. In addition we have beautiful fresh herbs all year round. It's great that your son is enjoying his garden too!

 

[missy]

I would like to add that hopefully by the time a child reaches a certain age they should know that the world does not revolve around them. I think this is key to being a productive, successful, and happy person. All around us I see kids whose parents didn't teach them this and raised them to be narcissistic and oblivious to the world around them. Then they become adults who are intolerable and difficult to have relationships with and I think their parents just don't realize what a huge injustice they are doing to them.

I don't have children but if I did I would have tried to instill in them the values I feel are so important. Kindness, empathy, humor, patience (I'm still working on that one for me LOL) and love towards others and towards themselves.

 

[momhappy]

Um, I wasn't implying that "shiny happy people" are all we need....
My point was that most of us have enough common sense to figure out how to boil water, fry an egg, wash a load of clothes, etc. I agree that it's important to raise responsible, self-sufficient, productive adults, but there are certain processes that are simply the product of common sense. My kids help with cooking from time to time and I'm sure that when they are old enough, they will be doing laundry too (they've seen me wash/dry clothes often enough that it's probably not a process that I would actually have to "teach" them how to do). As I said before, my main goal is to raise decent, caring, respectful, polite human beings (which the world desperately seems to be lacking these days), which does not imply that those things are the only things they need to function in this world. By the time they flutter off into adulthood, I'm quite certain that they will have the skill sets required to maintain a household as well.

 

[Gypsy]

Momhappy, I see what you mean. Children do absorb and you don't have make everything a classroom lecture.

I don't remember set 'lessons' on cleaning and doing laundry... my mom just cleaned and did laundry and I was expected to help. Pretty soon 'helping' her clean didn't mean cleaning the same spaces together, rather it evolved into us cleaning at the same time but in different spaces.

I do remember being specifically taught now to iron.

I wanted to learn how to cook, and used to help out and hang out in the kitchen. When I was I went to the library and checked out a cookbook, then came home and asked my grandfather if I could cook a dish out of it. He took me grocery shopping for the ingredients and then he helped me cook it.

I have seen too many BBQing disasters, too many people starting home fires with gas stoves, and even seen a microwave explode from improper use. So for me teaching kitchen safety is very important.

So is teaching common sense.

 

[Smith1942]

Agreed. I had no common sense at all when I left home at 18. I had zero idea of nutrition. As long as I was studying an awful lot and doing really well in my exams, that was the most important thing at home. I was the dreamy head-in-the-clouds type anyway, which is probably why I've ended up working in fiction publishing, including working on young adult and fantasy books. Pirates, rabbits, vampires, etc. But I have tons more common sense now, as a function of approaching forty. Our household is pretty well-run, although my husband is a writer and has NO common sense at all. Lucky I've got enough for both of us nowadays. The house could burn down around him...

ETA: I wonder how on earth you make a microwave explode! I've heard of people trying to boil water in a microwave and having the vessel explode in their face when touched, but to bust up the oven itself is quite a feat!

 

[TooPatient]

We try to avoid lectures and have "A" learn through helping and experiencing.


Here is a quick list of what we want her to pick up by the time she finishes high school:

sex doesn't mean love (is very serious, safety, etc)
don't get pregnant unless intended (and agreed by both parties)
finances (balance budget, save, enjoy little things and save for big things without going into debt, basic investing)
how to set budget (what do things cost, what is optional, what is must have)
laundry (machine & hand)
dishes (machine & hand)
basic preparations for minor emergency (24 hour power outage)
good nutrition (planning, purchasing, and preparing basic meals safely -- including electric & gas ovens, bbq, etc)
good work habits (don't get behind, how to recover when you do get behind, quality work)
basic cleaning (vacuum, dust, mop, counters, sink, toilet, bathtub, windows)
pet care (potty cleanup, feeding/watering, vet needs, food selection, brushing, tooth care, bathing, nails)
her medical needs (dental, vision, female needs, etc -- I didn't learn about the first two and am suffering the clean up...)
change light bulbs
change batteries
turn off power, gas, water
put out small kitchen fires
identify when to get out and call for help

 

[Gypsy]

Smith:

Pyrex clear measuring cup. Water. Ignorance. Too much time on the timer. And a loose/cracked microwave door hinge.

I was at a friends apartment. She was making something that required a simple syrup. I wasn't in the kitchen and had no idea she had decided to boil the water in the mircowave in the measuring cup and ...

The water superheated, exploded out. Somehow the steam or the water (don't know which) put pressure on the damaged/loose microwave door and the door exploded off the thing.

Frightening.

You have to VERY careful when/if you microwave water in a clear container in the microwave. And if your microwave/oven/stove is damaged, you should get it fixed instead of ignoring it.

 

[Smith1942]

Good Lord. I hope she wasn't injured.

 

[momhappy]

Momhappy, I see what you mean. Children do absorb and you don't have make everything a classroom lecture.

I don't remember set 'lessons' on cleaning and doing laundry... my mom just cleaned and did laundry and I was expected to help. Pretty soon 'helping' her clean didn't mean cleaning the same spaces together, rather it evolved into us cleaning at the same time but in different spaces.

I do remember being specifically taught now to iron.

I wanted to learn how to cook, and used to help out and hang out in the kitchen. When I was I went to the library and checked out a cookbook, then came home and asked my grandfather if I could cook a dish out of it. He took me grocery shopping for the ingredients and then he helped me cook it.

I have seen too many BBQing disasters, too many people starting home fires with gas stoves, and even seen a microwave explode from improper use. So for me teaching kitchen safety is very important.

So is teaching common sense.

Yes, this is exactly what I meant. Many children absorb life skills lessons not by specifically being taught/lectured, but by watching/doing/contributing to a household. Sure, there are certain skills that may require a bit more hands-on learning. I can understand more specific teaching on things like safety-related issues (like hot irons, BBQ grills, sharp knives, etc.) or finance-related issues (credit cards, loans, etc.).
I don't recall ever being taught anything specific in regards to life skills and yet when I moved out at age 18, I could cook simple meals, clean my apartment, do my own laundry, pay my own bills, etc. - all while maintaining a part-time job and going to college full-time.

 

[junebug17]

I noticed my kids were more interested in learning life skills/household stuff when they were in high school, such as running the washing machine/dryer, basic kitchen techniques, cooking, cleaning, ironing etc. It's almost like they realized they'd have to do it on their own someday and it seemed to make them feel better that they knew how to do basic things. My son will be a senior in college this Sept. and will have an on-campus apartment and asked me the other day to show him how to clean the bathtub! I thought that was kind of cute.

 

[Gypsy]

Good Lord. I hope she wasn't injured.

No she wasn't in its path at the time. It knocked into some stuff and made a mess and it was scary. But she was okay, thankfully.

I explained the superheated water/clear container thing to her.

It's also one of the reasons why I have a nice plug in kettle at home. Fastest SAFE way to heat water.

 

[Smith1942]

Phew! She was lucky.

 

[megumic]

How to write a check. Especially now.

 

[TooPatient]

- how to navigate the OTC drugs in the drug store. I didn't learn until recently that many medications include the same exact ingredients, so taking a NyQuil and a phlegm medication can overdose you on acetowhateverphen. Um, oops?

- how credit works.

I never would have thought of OTC medications!
I tend to avoid them so if I'm sick enough to need something I generally ask the pharmacist for help because I really don't know the difference between all the options and what the ups/downs are of each.

I'd also add basic first aid (so when the inevitable cooking/cleaning/living oops happens they can take care of minor injury) and what sort of things need immediate dr care, dr care soon but not emergency, and what is best to watch for a few days and call if still an issue. They shouldn't be running to the emergency room for every sneeze ("A" actually thought this was normal...) but they also shouldn't try to wait out an infection. Recognizing what needs dr care and what just needs rest or cleaning is important.

 

[amc80]

Um, I wasn't implying that "shiny happy people" are all we need....
My point was that most of us have enough common sense to figure out how to boil water, fry an egg, wash a load of clothes, etc. I agree that it's important to raise responsible, self-sufficient, productive adults, but there are certain processes that are simply the product of common sense. My kids help with cooking from time to time and I'm sure that when they are old enough, they will be doing laundry too (they've seen me wash/dry clothes often enough that it's probably not a process that I would actually have to "teach" them how to do). As I said before, my main goal is to raise decent, caring, respectful, polite human beings (which the world desperately seems to be lacking these days), which does not imply that those things are the only things they need to function in this world. By the time they flutter off into adulthood, I'm quite certain that they will have the skill sets required to maintain a household as well.

I agree with this. I don't remember ever being taught how to cook or clean. But I watched my parents do and figured it out. Someone mentioned this earlier, and I think it's right on- the most important skill to know is how to figure out how to do what needs to be done. That's way more useful than knowing how to do specific things.