Miscarriage Support - Q & A

[lizzyann]

Hi ladies,

Thanks for all of the support you have been giving me in the "Just Barely Pregnant" thread, but I don't feel right posting there with questions regarding my miscarriage. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer for that thread and I want all the new mommies to enjoy their exciting first trimester! I will be popping in to say hello there. I can't wait to see some ultrasound and belly pics! So I decided to start a thread where people can ask questions or offer info regarding miscarriages and get support when needed.

If you are not aware of my current situation, I currently have a 21 month old DS, but before conceiving him I had two unexplained miscarriages. I had Genetic testing done after the second m/c and everything came back normal. Well my DH and I started TTC last month for a second child and we got pregnant right away, but then this week when my betas came back (they went from a 31 down to a 9) we knew we were having a m/c. Today all of the bleeding started. In a sense I was glad to see the blood because it was really hard knowing it was going to happen. I was just waiting for it to start.

The nurse at my Dr's office told me to wait a full cycle before starting to TTC again. She didn't offer any medical reason why I couldn't start again this month, so I am going to call back on Monday and ask to speak with the Dr. I remember last time around I did not have to wait. I plan on using OPK's so I will have a real good idea when I will be ovulating so I don't think it will be too hard to date if that is why they want me to wait the month.

Anyways, anyone go thru something like this? Any advice or suggestions? Did you ovulate soon after your m/c?

 

[mayachel]

Hi Lizzie, I'm sorry for your loss. I can tell you, the only reason that waiting a month is recommended (when it is recommended) is to assist in more accurate dating of the pregnancy. So should you guys feel ready to dtd, go for it.

 

[Skippy123]

I don't have advice but I did want to say I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Blenheim]

I've already told you what I think as far as trying again, but just wanted to add that I think it was a really good idea starting this thread. One of the things that was hard for me is that people don't really talk about miscarriage and it was hard to know what to expect, and I didn't feel like the pregnancy threads were the most appropriate places to keep talking about it after I had initially told people about it there. Not that I want anyone else here to go through a loss, but I like the idea of them having a good place to come to and discuss it if does happen and they want the advice and support.

 

[lizzyann]

Mayachel, thanks for posting! It seems like the consensus is that there isn't any real medical reason to wait. Honestly, if they are telling me to wait just to help get accurate dating, I will be annoyed!!!!

Thanks Skippy! Good to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words. Enjoy those little guys in your belly!!

Blen, thanks! I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread like this. I, like you, just didn't feel great about posting much more about this topic in the other thread. Hope this can help other ladies that have the unfortunate luck of going thru this, find a place to talk and find comfort.

 

[somethingshiny]

LIZZY~ I'm sorry for your loss. As far as waiting, my drs also said they wanted to make sure that first flow is normal before becoming pregnant again. But I was always told to start within 3 months of loss because chances of conception are higher.

Good luck and lots of dust for a happy and healthy pregnancy very soon!

 

[Tuckins1]

I'm sorry, I don't really have any experience with this, but I just wanted to send you some (((HUGS)))

 

[lili]

LizzyAnn--
I"m so sorry for your loss.

As for your question about when to TTC, my Dr did recommend 1-2 cycles before starting, but that was because I had a D&C.
I think if you miscarried naturally and was early in your pregnancy, there really is no real reason for wait except for the ease of EDD dating. W/ D&C, there's a chance that your uterine lining is scraped off, so giving a few cycles for the lining to rebuild is recommended.

As to your question about AF, it really varies. AF pretty came 26 days (which is my norm) for my first D&C.
W/ the last D&C, my cycle didn't start until more than 7 weeks after the procedure. Both times, I miscarried at 6 wks and had the D&C at 9wks, so can't really say for sure what your body will do w/ each m/c.

Good luck to you.
March is just around the corner.
If you wait til April to TTC, you'll get a little Dragon baby ^.^

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,
Sorry for your loss. My experience: when DH and I decided to try our first baby, I had a m/c and didn't see a dr. so there wasn't anyone to provide med advice. We didn't use birth control after that, and I became preg the following month and everything went good that time around.

Good luck!

 

[yennyfire]

Lizzy, I am so sorry for your losses. I had two losses, one before each living child and I know how devastating it can be. With my first loss, I had to have a D&C and I was told to wait 2-3 cycles to give the lining of my uterus a chance to thicken, since they scrape it pretty thin during a D&C. With my second loss, I didn't need a D&C as the bleeding started on it's own. My dr. wanted to test my betas til they were down to zero and then have one normal cycle before ttcing again for accurate date-ing purposes. I didn't deliberately disregard their instructions, but I got pg two weeks later without ever having a period and my daughter (now 4) is fine and they were able to date my pg fairly accurately.

Sending hugs your way and hoping that you get the news you're hoping for really soon!

 

[lizzyann]

Somethingshiny, thank you! I appreciate the support. I also heard it is best to start trying soon after as well. I am going to call my Dr. tomorrow and talk to him directly and get his thoughts.

Tuckins, no apologies.. I am glad you have no experience with this. I hope you never have to go thru something like this. Thank you so much for stopping in to say hello though. So sweet.

lili, I am sorry for your losses. You have a gorgeous little one in your avatar! I am going to call the Dr. tomorrow though for sure to get his thoughts. If I need to wait because of the lining I am ok with that. But if it is just due to dating, I'd rather start trying again.

MC, thanks for telling me your story. It gives me hope that things will go smoothly on next try. I am sorry you had a loss but glad to hear you had a healthy pregnancy after that.

Yenny, thanks for sharing your story. It means a lot to me. I am sorry you experienced losses along the way but I am glad to hear you were able to have your beautiful children. I am taking it better this time around because I have proof (my ds!) that I can have a healthy pregnancy. I am going to talk to the Dr. tomorrow and see if he will give me the green light to try again this month. I don't want to push the issue if he feels it may be too early to start trying again. But I want to talk to him directly instead of thru the nurse.

Ladies, my best friend literally just texted me that she is pregnant. And I am so happy for her. She is a little older than me and she was worried it was going to take awhile or never happen. But it is making me very sad for myself. Here I am...sitting here bleeding (sorry if that is tmi), and she is all super excited. I will need to call her later and will hold it together. But it is hard because I am feeling sorry for myself but trying to be happy for her (which I truly am). It's just such bad timing to get the news. Any advice? I'm wondering if I should sleep on it and call her tomorrow when the news isn't so fresh.

 

[Skippy123]

I would wait till tomorrow to get back to her. You need some time of yourself right now (huge hugs) and that is completely understandable to call her later.

 

[Circe]

Lizzy, I am so terribly sorry for your losses. Miscarriage is wrenching.

I've had three miscarriages: one at 5 months, one at 6 weeks, one around 8, all inside of a year. After spending 12 months wondering what the hell was wrong with me and being deeply afraid, I finally went to a reproductive specialist who ran extensive tests, and I wound up to have a clotting disorder. She sent me to a blood specialist, and I asked her if my previous doctors had been incompetent to not run those tests (with the caveat that I didn't want to sue, or anything: I just ... wanted to know if I was being irrational in being angry at them). Her response was: a 2nd or 3rd trimester miscarriage, or repeated early miscarriages, tend to be indicative. YES, tests should have been run.

I am so grateful to my last "regular" OB-GYN for admitting she was out of her depth and sending me to a specialist. If you haven't been referred, perhaps you could inquire with your doctor as to whether she could recommend someone?

 

[lizzyann]

I would wait till tomorrow to get back to her. You need some time of yourself right now (huge hugs) and that is completely understandable to call her later.

Thanks Skippy. I did tell my friend that I will call her tomorrow. I am not upset she is pregnant, I am upset I am not. I also hope that my situation doesn't cause her worry for her own pregnancy. eh. bad timing is all.

 

[lizzyann]

Lizzy, I am so terribly sorry for your losses. Miscarriage is wrenching.

I've had three miscarriages: one at 5 months, one at 6 weeks, one around 8, all inside of a year. After spending 12 months wondering what the hell was wrong with me and being deeply afraid, I finally went to a reproductive specialist who ran extensive tests, and I wound up to have a clotting disorder. She sent me to a blood specialist, and I asked her if my previous doctors had been incompetent to not run those tests (with the caveat that I didn't want to sue, or anything: I just ... wanted to know if I was being irrational in being angry at them). Her response was: a 2nd or 3rd trimester miscarriage, or repeated early miscarriages, tend to be indicative. YES, tests should have been run.

I am so grateful to my last "regular" OB-GYN for admitting she was out of her depth and sending me to a specialist. If you haven't been referred, perhaps you could inquire with your doctor as to whether she could recommend someone?

Circe, I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriages. My heart goes out to you. 5 months must have been so hard on you. Do you have children now or are you still working with your new doctor on options for you? In my case, I had two early ones, then I had my son. I went full term with him. But after that second m/c, my Dr. ran a number of tests both genetically and on my physical health. But I never went to a specialist. I am going to call my Dr. tomorrow and see if I can come in for a visit to discuss with him. The fact that I have my son makes me feel that my body is capable to carry another pregnancy, but all of my m/c's were ruled "unexplained" or "blighted ovum".

 

[Circe]

Circe, I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriages. My heart goes out to you. 5 months must have been so hard on you. Do you have children now or are you still working with your new doctor on options for you? In my case, I had two early ones, then I had my son. I went full term with him. But after that second m/c, my Dr. ran a number of tests both genetically and on my physical health. But I never went to a specialist. I am going to call my Dr. tomorrow and see if I can come in for a visit to discuss with him. The fact that I have my son makes me feel that my body is capable to carry another pregnancy, but all of my m/c's were ruled "unexplained" or "blighted ovum".

No, no kids yet - after my diagnosis, my doctor put me on various medications (yay, daily shots!) and we're hoping to see results eventually. It's been 5 months now, which is frustrating but ... hey. Whatcha gonna do, right?

It's the "unexplained" that's such a terror, I think, and too many doctors leave it at that. You are blessed to have your son, and you know you have the capacity: it's just a question of figuring out what's behind the circumstances in the other cases. I hope your talk with your doctor goes well, and while you're there, maybe ask if he knows of a good RE (reproductive expert). It's not a slight on him: more that most docs look for the obvious answers, because, well, generally, obvious is what the answers are. With the apparently inexplicable? REs are generally trained to look into the more esoteric possibilities - it might be worth it.

 

[somethingshiny]

Circe~ Hugs to you. I know how frustrating it can be. It took us 6 yrs and 5 losses before we had our son. Now we have two children! Please don't give up hope.

 

[Circe]

Circe~ Hugs to you. I know how frustrating it can be. It took us 6 yrs and 5 losses before we had our son. Now we have two children! Please don't give up hope.

Thanks, SS - I don't want to derail Lizzy's thread, but I do think I might start another one. My sympathies for everything you had to go through, and congratulations on your children!

 

[lizzyann]

SS, sorry to hear of your losses as well. 6 years bless you hon. After you had your first child, did you have any more m/c's before getting pregnant with your second child?

Circe, please don't worry about derailing from my thread. I started this thread to be a General Miscarriage Support thread. I think it would be nice to have one place where all of us who have had to go thru something like this can check in and give updates or ask questions. Kind of like the TTC or pregnancy thread. Please keep us posted of your progress. When does your doctor think you can start trying again?

AFM, I called my Dr.'s office today and have an appt on Thursday to meet with my Dr. directly and ask him some questions. I am hoping he gives the green light to try again this month but if he feels that I may be setting myself up for failure then i will wait the month. I am going to request another beta on Wednesday so that he will have that # in his hands for my appt on Thurs. The bleeding started on Saturday and it is thinning off now. I am going to pick up some more OPK's so that I will at least know and be ready for O when it is time to try again.

 

[somethingshiny]

lizzy~ I didn't have any losses in the 3.5 yrs between my kids. But, I did get preggo on the pill (!) when Lily was just a few weeks old. I lost it in Dec. The fetus was about 8 weeks and I carried it for at least a couple weeks past that. All of our losses were "unexplained." I still hate that term. I feel like it shouldn't be left at "unexplained." Keep working until it's figured out, ya know? I hope you're able to get some good advice from your doc!

Circe~ I believe the OPs intention was for anyone to discuss their loss here. I don't think you're derailing by any means.

 

[lizzyann]

SS, it is so weird because lately I've had two friends get pregnant while on the pill. I know they aren't 100% effective, but it makes me wonder. I have my meeting with my Dr. tomorrow and I am sure he will say "unexplained". I hate that term as well. When you finally got pregnant with your first child, were you taking any progesterone or anything that would have aided you to stay pregnant? Just curious if you have any words of wisdom or things to discuss with the Dr. I was on progesterone when I finally got pregnant with my son so i was thinking that maybe was all I needed to stay pregnant. But I used them this time around and I miscarried, so I don't think there is a correlation.

AFM, I was so annoyed today. My Dr.'s office called me and confirmed that they had faxed over the blood work paperwork to the lab so that I could get a beta drawn today. This way when I go to meet with my Dr. tomorrow we'll be able to see if my hcg is down to 0. So I get to the lab and they don't have the paperwork. I call the office and they closed at noon. The answering service actually called the on call physician and then they called in a verbal order to the lab. But I was at the lab for over an hour trying to get this all resolved. ay ay ay.... I am looking forward to my appt tomorrow with the Dr. though. I'll keep you posted.

 

[somethingshiny]

lizzy~ When I got pregnant with my son, we had quit trying. We decided we were going to wait it out until we could adopt or try IUI. So, we just got pregnant the old fashioned way; a night of drinking and fun. When I got the positive test, it just FELT different. From the moment I found out, I KNEW I would carry him. I'm a spiritual person and that's all I can say for it. A peace came over me and I knew it would be great. I was high-risk and had extra sonos, but everything always looked great. It was a perfectly healthy pregnancy. When I got pregnant with my daughter, it was a complete surprise too. We didn't think we'd have more children because it had taken so long to get pregnant with JT. I knew I was pregnant before I took a test. I was pretty at ease with that one too. She had a bit of a heart issue while I was pregnant but other than that, the pregnancy was uncomplicated. Good luck with your appt. Hope everything is on track to try soon!!

 

[lizzyann]

SS, I totally hear you on just "knowing" when you are pregnant and if things will be ok or not ok. For my son, I had many ultrasounds due to the previous m/c's and my first look at him was at 5.5 weeks! he was just a little sac and I had that same feeling that things would be ok. And they were. Last week, when I decided to take that home test again, I had a feeling that things were not ok, and I was right. I am glad that I took that test though because I would rather get the bad news that way. It gives me hope tho hearing your story and that you just got pregnant "au natural"! I know it will happen for me, the bumps in the road make you appreciate it more don't you think?

 

[geri]

Lizzyann - I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there too and it is heartbreaking. I hope you get the answers you need from your doctor about trying again.

I also had mulitple losses (2 miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy) before I fell pregnant with my DD who is now 2 weeks old. I fell pregnant with DD the next cycle after my second miscarriage, which had ended at about 6 weeks with betas that were a little higher than yours. I didn't ask the doctor about when we could TTC again and we didn't take any precautions the next cycle because I honestly thought the chances of me falling pregnant again (3 cycles in a row for me) were slim, but thankfully I was wrong. I was still temping so am pretty sure I ovulated a little late on day 20 after the miscarriage started. This meant I was reasonably confident of my estimated due date for the pregnancy. When I fell pregnant again, we were in the process of doing the recurrent miscarriage testing and everything came back clear so our losses were also "unexplained" and "just unlucky". I was terrified that the next pregnancy would not stick but I now have a gorgeous DD!

Hugs to you and wishing you all the best.

 

[lizzyann]

Geri, thanks so much for popping in and sharing your story. You give me so much hope! Congrats on your DD! 2 weeks old! Enjoy every moment they get so big soo fast! So you literally got pregnant three times in a row? Talk about a fertile myrtle!! I hope we can get pregnant real quick again as soon as we get the green light to try again.

I am going to be leaving shortly to head to my Dr's appt. We'll see what he has to say. Any of you who have gone thru something like this knows that the sting doesn't start to go away until you are pregnant again so I am ready to get rolling!

 

[lizzyann]

So I got the ok to try again right away. The Dr. said that because I m/c'd so early it was safe to try again right away. He did recommend that I set up an appt with a Fertility Specialist though. But he said to go ahead and keep trying in the meantime. Back in 08 when I was TTC my son, he ran a bunch of chromosomal and other tests and they all came back normal so he said that the Specialist would be the next step. So my big question now is when will I O? I am going to use OPK's. I figure I'll use my date of m/c as day 1 and go from there. Any advice?

Edit - Oh and my HCG drawn yesterday came back as <1 so that was good news that everything is clear now.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Lizzy do you know your other fertility signs? I would guess that since your mc was so early that O would not be terribly delayed, I think the new cycle "starts" when HCG hits the zero point, so that is maybe this week?

 

[lizzyann]

Dreamer, I don't temp or chart. I have only used the OPK's. But I am also aware of my CM and when I am ovulating I get more of the egg white type. My DH is traveling the week after next, so with my luck it will be that week. But it's hard for me to tell him for sure if that's truly the week you know? He said he can try to shorten his trip to Tues-thurs instead, so we shall see.

 

[lizzyann]

So I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with this? I called my insurance company to be sure that an Infertility Doctor would be covered. The lady was sweet as pie but she said that to them Infertility is defined as the inability to get pregnant over 12 months of actively trying. She said that because I am getting pregnant, I wouldn't be ruled infertile. She did say that I could go into the consultation if they code the appt as an office visit. In this case, I just pay the copay and call it a day. However, no diagnostic tests beyond blood work would be covered until I am ruled as infertile by the specialist. My DH and I discussed this and we feel that we are going to try again this month and see what happens. The reality is that I had my son, I know my body is capable. Any advice?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Lizzy I can't commento n insurance as I am in Canada and we don't have the same system, but I think that in your shoes I would go in for the appointment if it is not expensive, and then at least you will get some good information and can make an informed decision about any further testing?