Miscarriage Support - Q & A

[Circe]

I would see the specialist. Last week, I was diagnosed as being double-y infertile (yay, me), first with the Protein C, and then because I have not been successfully pregnant in over a year of trying (according to my reproductive expert, infertility is defined as an inability to bear, not an inability to conceive). So I'd go for the appointment and see what she says, as well as possibly double-checking with the insurance company. I know they all have different standards, but that sounds ... odd to me. After all, if it was something like what I have, that would mean never getting the medicine one would need to stay pregnant, because one could keep getting pregnant, miscarrying, and thus perpetually disqualifying oneself from the status one would need to be tested so one would know what one had so one could get the medicine - talk about a Catch-22!

 

[somethingshiny]

Agreed that Infertile is inability to carry to term, not to conceive. However, I did have one insurance that also said it was inability to conceive. My doctor coded some of my testing differently than he normally would have. I had cysts and endometreosis and unexplained miscarriages so he had a lot to choose from. Maybe your doctor can do something along those same lines? Good luck.

 

[lili]

Lizzy--
I'd see the specialist and see what he/she said.
I was under the impression that infertility means the inability to conceive or carry the pregnancy to full term.
If you have more than 2 m/c in a row, your doctor may be able to justify running some recurrent miscarriage tests.
Also, if you are over 35, the TTC period is shorter -- I believe it is 6 months.
Your insurance may just need confirmation from your doctor have fertility issues before giving you the coverage for the tests.

And just because one is successful w/ the first pregnancy does not mean that there isn't an issue w/ subsequent pregnancies.
My dr said that he'd seen many cases of secondary infertility where couples did have one of 2 kids and are having trouble getting or staying pregnant this time around.

I have both primary and secondary infertility issues.
First one was rectified w/ a laparascopy and was able to carry my DD to full term.
When we tried for our second, it took me 6 months and a HSG to get pregnant only to m/c at 6wks.
Waited a couple of cycles, tried a few cycles on our own, tried 3 cycles of IUI, then got pregnant on our break cycle.
And again m/c at 6 wks.

Glad to hear that your doctor gave you the OK to TTC again.
I hope it happens quickly and stick for you this time around.

 

[lizzyann]

Ladies, thanks so much for all of the advice. I am going to be calling the Fertility Doctor's office today or tomorrow and plan on talking with someone who knows how my first visit will be coded. As SS said, my insurance company told me it is all about how everything is coded which will decide coverage. It doesn't hurt to talk to the Doctor and get some advice or thoughts. If he wants to run any other testing other than bloodwork though, then we are going to have to figure out a way to either rule me as infertile or get the tests coded in a manor that will allow them to be covered. The fertility doctor told me last week that if my ins. company doesn't cover the first visit/consult, it will cost me roughly $1000 out of pocket!!!!!

I am CD12 today. Last cycle, I had my LH surge around CD 16. Not sure what will happen this month. I am using day 1 as the start of my m/c. My OPK's are starting to get darker now so I think I will O roughly around the same time as last month. I am crossing all fingers and toes that I O either end of this week or early next week because my DH is traveling for work next week from Tues-friday. However, if need be I will be flying in on Thursday so we can BD!!! A girl has to do what a girl has to do you know??!!

 

[lizzyann]

So good news! I called the fertility specialist and explained the insurance situation and the nurse said that she would call them directly to find out my coverage. And I am covered! So that is great news! She said the girl that I had on the phone must have been confused so I am all set! So I have an appt there next Thursday. Hopefully, I will be pregnant when I get there but at least I have the appt set up to discuss with the doctor. Thanks for your encouragement ladies!

 

[Dreamer_D]

So good news! I called the fertility specialist and explained the insurance situation and the nurse said that she would call them directly to find out my coverage. And I am covered! So that is great news! She said the girl that I had on the phone must have been confused so I am all set! So I have an appt there next Thursday. Hopefully, I will be pregnant when I get there but at least I have the appt set up to discuss with the doctor. Thanks for your encouragement ladies!

Wow good news! I was worried reading the comments that you would need to TTC for another 12 months *this* time to be deemed covered, so I'm glad that is not the case.

 

[lizzyann]

Yes, I was worried about that too dreamer, but she said it all depends on when you come off birth control and I never got back on it after my DS was born so I am all set with the time limitations. What a sigh of relief. I am looking forward to the appt next week. Hoping for some answers. My DH and I once thought we *might* want three kids but honestly, I don't think I will want to go thru this again for a third down the road. The losses are wearing at me. But if the new Dr. can get to the bottom of my problem then maybe we will still consider a third. All I am praying for now is a healthy baby #2!!

 

[somethingshiny]

I'm so glad to hear you're getting somewhere!

Good good luck to you!!

 

[Circe]

Lizzy, that's wonderful news. I hope that the specialist has some helpful advice for you.

And, on an unrelated note ... I was browsing the "Dear Sugar" advice column that a PSr recommended on another board, and came across a miscarriage-related topic. I think it might have been one of the more helpful things I've read on the subject, so I figured it might serve some of the other ladies reading here equally well.

http://therumpus.net/2010/07/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-44-how-you-get-unstuck/

 

[lizzyann]

Thanks Shiny and Circe! Circe, that blog had me in tears but it was very enlightening!

So ladies, now that I am all set with my insurance, I have my appt on next thursday. Good news is that I just got a positive LH surge on my OPK this morning (CD15) so everything is on its normal schedule even after the m/c. My husband and I BD on Tues, Thurs, today, and will tomorrow as well. Now I am debating on changing my appt to the following week because I am neurotic and I was told that they do a full pelvic exam and possible u/s at the first appt. I am afraid that if I am pregnant when I go next week (I would be 5 dpo) it could disrupt it. I'm probably being crazy, but what do you think? Many people talk about bleeding or spotting after a pelvic exam while pregnant. They are easy to get into for an appt so by me moving it to the following week should be no problem at all. And I will know *for sure* whether I am pregnant or not next week so I can be sure to let the Dr. know before anything is done. Thoughts???

 

[megumic]

I just wanted to bump this thread and say that I have found it really helpful.

lizzyann - I know a lot has happened for you since this thread was started, so I hope it doesn't drum up sad feelings, but I just wanted to share that all of this information has been very helpful to me and I find this m/c support thread to be very meaningful. I know there are so many women who experience this, and as you said, nobody really chats about it or knows what to say, etc. So, thank you for starting this many months ago, albeit, for a very sad reason. There is something about experiencing something other women experience, even if they're strangers, and it creates a tiny little bond.

For everyone else who shares their stories here, thank you too. It all gives me hope.

On a separate note, has anyone done anything to commemorate and honor their mc and the loss of the tiny life? I've been thinking about getting a teeny tiny little tattoo!

 

[blushingbride]

Meg - I am sorry for your loss. This is a subject that is close to my heart. I suffered one at 8-weeks and it was devastating in so many ways, but mainly because three days prior, we had just seen the baby during an ultrasound and heard the heartbeat and everything looked/sounded perfect!

That said, seven months later I became pregnant with our twins! It's been quite a journey to say the least!

I started a thread on the subject because I needed an outlet and support from those who had been through it. It was so helpful!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/pregnancy-and-ttc-after-a-loss.119474/

As far as, what I do to honor/remember my loss, I marked on my calendar the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (Oct. 15th) so, when it pops up on my calendar, I just take some time to remember and reflect. I usually say a little prayer and actually do the same on the day of my miscarriage which was July 5th.

 

[Jennifer W]

Megumic, I'm sorry for your loss.

We planted a tree in our garden - a plum tree. It flowers round about the time of year I lost the baby. Now, some years later, seeing my daughter picking and enjoying fruit from the tree is a very healing sight.

I got a diamond and emerald band to commemorate my first pregnancy. It was stolen a year later when our house was burgled. Although it was a long time ago now, I haven't been able to think about it without getting upset until now. I'm starting to think about getting something to replace the band.

I hope you find something that is special and meaningful to you to commemorate this precious little life.

 

[Puppmom]

Meg, I'm sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in early September and it has seriously been the most trying event in my life. I heard people's stories of loss before and I always felt sad for them but I never realized how difficult it really is to process until I had one myself. I have a lot of unresolved issues associated with mine that I guess I'll have to address at some point.

To be honest, I hadn't thought about doing anything to honor or commemorate our loss because I'm still at a place where I don't want to think about it. When I do think about it, I don't feel anything positive so having something to remind me probably wouldn't be the best right now.

I do think that could be nice sometime down the road though. I think it's a good way to gain some closure.

My sister planted a cherry blossum tree in her garden after her miscarriage. It was really special for her (and her children who knew she was pregnant). It's the most beautiful tree on her entire property!

 

[lizzyann]

Hi Meg! Glad you found this thread helpful. I found it a great place to talk after my first loss this year. I don't always like to talk much about m/c's in the TTC thread because I don't like to make anyone worry you know? Anways, glad you found it! How are you doing? I peeked in at TTC and it looks like you are ready to get started again. I'm sure many women who have had the unfortunate luck of experiencing a loss will agree that trying again is the only thing that really helps to get thru all of this. I find it gives me hope and helps me to move forward. I have not done anything to memorialize my losses. I think that is partly because I've had 4 losses this year and it has been far too overwhelming for me.

Pupp, so sorry again for your loss. Sorry it has been tough on you. I just try to think of the future when I get down. Try to be hopeful. It helps. Are you ttc again soon?

AFM, I've been ttc for almost 11 months now. Been pregnant 4 times, but have lost them all around 6 weeks along. I get pregnant really easy but just can't manage to STAY pregnant. I've done all testing possible and nothing turns up. My RE wanted me to try clomid with iui before moving onto ivf but unfortunately it resulted in a loss. So I am onto ivf now. Retrieval will actually most likely be on Friday. The injections haven't been bad at all. I'm just praying that selecting the best embryos will get me a baby. Has anyone gone on to have a baby via ivf after experiencing a loss?

 

[Puppmom]

Lizzy, . DH and I aren't TTC. We hadn't planned the pregnancy and DH told me after we found out I was pregnant that he didn't think he wanted any more children. So...we're not TTC now and have no plans to in the near future. I think that may be part of why this is hard for me. I think the miscarriage may be my last experience with pregnancy and that makes me sad. I know I'll get past this but I'm beginning to realize things may never be quite the same.


You are one tough cookie to have endured such loss. I hope retrieval goes well on Friday1

 

[megumic]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support! I'm so sorry for everyone's losses, but I feel reassured that I am certainly not alone and that, it is in fact quite amazing that we all find some sort of comfort in sharing our stories with strangers over the internet.

Jennifer, so sorry for your loss. I love the idea of planting a tree. We are renters so we may not go that route, but perhaps could plant a tree when we buy our first home! Thanks for the support.

Blushing, I'm very sorry for your loss. Thanks for the link to the other thread, I found that reassuring and helpful as well. I too marked my calendar for Oct 15, for both National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and because my mc started on 10/17. Wow, twins! You are so blessed. Was it natural or did you have some medical support that resulted in twins?

Pupp, I'm sorry for your loss. I agree, you can't possibly understand how it feels or waht it's like until you go through it. I've found friends and family unable to empathize, even though they can sympathize. It's definitely one of our most trying times and I know for me, a lot of the frustration is lack of control. I feel sad that you feel so unresolved about it. I think everyone processes it at different speeds and with different feelings. While your DH might still feel resolved about the decision to not have more children, I can understand how it would change your whole perspective, as that is what happened for me too. (We had planned to TTC in Oct, then found out I had a thyroid disorder and planned to wait, and then surprise got pg and mc'ed and I decided I wanted to TTC again right away, even though we had resolved not to prior to the pg.) I hope you and your DH either come to see eye to eye or that you find peace with whatever is the best decision for your family. I just feel there is no right or wrong way to feel after experiencing a mc and that we all need to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves time to heal and process everything. I'm thinking about you!

lizzy, thanks again for this thread. I agree with you, it's tough to talk mc in the ttc thread. Keeping it positive over there is certainly a good thing! As difficult as this has been on me, I sincerely feel so sad for all of your losses. I've followed you for some time now and I find your strength and will to keep trying and pushing forward to be such an inspiration. I'm sure you don't feel that way all the time, but just know that others are quietly following along and find strength and inspiration from you and your resolve. I sincerely appreciate it. I am pulling for you and hoping that this round of IVF is a success. Fingers crossed the retrieval is a complete success and goes smoothly. How many embryos do you plan to transfer? When will that happen?

AFM, I was actually thinking of getting a tattoo. For lack of a better term, and excuse me if anyone finds this judgmental, but I suppose I can judge myself, right? I'd consider myself slightly waspy, with a hippy edge. Getting a tattoo is 100% completely against anything I'd ever consider, I don't love the idea of permanently altering my body. 90% of my friends don't have tattoos and if I told them I was getting/got one, they'd be SHOCKED. That said, I kind of wanted to commemorate this because it has truly impacted me for life and I feel it needs to be honored. Despite my sadness, it is a life lost and it was a life that was a part of me and DH and we want to remember. Life is so fleeting. The sweet moments are never as good without the sour. DH and I always try to remember that if we were never sad or mad or hurt, we would never feel the true full happiness that we do in the best moments. So, that said, I was thinking of getting a teeny tiny mini little heart tattoo. Like smaller than one of the emoticons to the right.

We are back to TTC, as we got the green light yesterrday from my OB. She said all looks great and no medical reason to wait. My temps are a mess, but I think I'm O'ing based on CM and the fact that I want to BD every 10 seconds. We'll see...

Thanks for the support ladies

 

[Puppmom]

Oh, Meg! I think it would be so lovely to get a teeny tiny tattoo to commemorate the teeny tiny life.