men, budgets and rings

[waterlilly]

I think you should show him the ring you want and ask him how many alimony payments he thinks it would take to purchase it.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 12/13/2009 8:18:10 PM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 12/12/2009 1:03:55 PM
Author: purrfectpear
The old ''I never knew you were so materialistic'' is only working because you let it.

Look him straight in the eye and say ''Yes, I am materialistic. You should love me in spite of it. I never knew you were so damn cheap, but I didn''t let that keep me from loving you'', then go pick out the ring you want and buy it.

Guilting me would never work. I''m manipulation-proof

Perfect response!

Oh my god..love it..

 

[steph72276]

Oh my...your post makes me very sad. I cannot imagine having to ask my husband for permission to buy winter boots if I needed them. I don't work outside the home right now, and I still don't have to ask "permission" for necessities. We have always discussed major purchases with one another beforehand, but when it is a necessity, we just buy it. It would be a totally different story if the choice was between groceries and boots for the week...I get that, but you said yourself you have a really good family income, so I think he is just being a major control freak that puts all of his needs/wants before yours. I would most certainly put off any thoughts of children until you can get things worked out through therapy or else I would move on to someone that cared about my feelings a LOT more. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

 

[Victorya]

well someone here asked if I have an income, I do, but the thing is his is much bigger than mine, and boy does he know it.

our dynamic is almost as if I dont have a job at all. I come home just as tired as him, but all the house chore duties are mine.

this is because A. he make much more than I do, and B. he CHOOSES to do extra work after dinner in his home office.

this extra work is consulting work that he does for an old boss, and he earns even more money doing this, so its not like
there is not a reason for this madness. He loves to work.

problem is, this leaves everything else on me, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry.

honestly though I wouldnt even mind all that if only he was more generous/romantic toward me.



also many of you were asking about the winter boots, the thing is, I asked him KNOWing that he would say YES to the
winter boots, but I still had to ask because even if it is something that he will obviously agree to he still requires
that I consult him.

he keeps tabs on my spending. our money is in a joint account. is he controlling??, you bet!

he is not abusive though, he has never ever shown a temper toward me, even when I spend outside the limit, it
is more of a condescending patronizing attitude....I almost wish he would yell or cuss instead.

like if I spend outside the limit he will "suspend" my bank card and give me a little bit of cash, here and there.

and keep in mind, I HAVE A JOB...so I went from being the one in charge of my money to the one asking permission..

so very very demoralizing.

now I make some money, I supported myself before we married, but I did not have any savings (no debt either),
and now I do bring in just as much as I did then, but our bills would easily eat up my money, if we did "halves" on every thing.

so in his mind, ALL the money that is left over is his anyway...and really truly...it is.

this is what you get when you marry a phd in engineering and only have a degree in archaeology yourself.

he will always be the breadwinner...and of course, I dont even get to work in my chosen field...oh to do it over....sigh.

and all of this, again, is not really what is bothering me.

if he were more generous toward me and placed my desires at LEAST as high as his own.
and if he were inspired to buy me a little something here and there on my birthday/anniversary or whatnot.

then I really wouldnt care if he controlled the money the way he does, I wouldnt even notice.

you know I wouldnt mind turning in grocery receipts, and reporting small purchase, if when I looked
down at my hand I saw a big bright star!!!!

I wouldnt mind doing all the chores if I saw the same thing, as I was vacuuming!!!

I think you girls can relate, its insane what a little sparkle can do.

A little reminder of his love and devotion.

a little reminder of all the HOURS he spent working to buy you THAT makes you less inclined to
gripe when you are doing all of his laundry.

but I dont even have that....and worse then that is that I DONT SEE it coming.

 

[Victorya]

I forgot to add, that he is buying himself a leather lazyboy recliner..or at least
he is talking about it, in such an excited way that I really want to throw up.

and I consider it a luxury item, as we already have plenty of seating in a over-sized
3 seat couch parked infront of the ginormous tv. and it is only him and I who live there
and we really dont entertain.

but you know what...its HIS money...it is.

but dont worry I am going to
mention to him, how materialistic I think he is being. (but I hate being passive agressive)

I almost feel like more importantly than a "pre-nup" there should be a "during-nup"
where the handling of finances DURING the marriage are discussed, decided and signed on.

cause you know what, I would have never signed up for this.

 

[yssie]

Date: 12/14/2009 6:11:01 PM
Author: Victorya
well someone here asked if I have an income, I do, but the thing is his is much bigger than mine, and boy does he know it.

our dynamic is almost as if I dont have a job at all. I come home just as tired as him, but all the house chore duties are mine.

this is because A. he make much more than I do, and B. he CHOOSES to do extra work after dinner in his home office.

this extra work is consulting work that he does for an old boss, and he earns even more money doing this, so its not like
there is not a reason for this madness. He loves to work.

problem is, this leaves everything else on me, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry.

honestly though I wouldnt even mind all that if only he was more generous/romantic toward me.



also many of you were asking about the winter boots, the thing is, I asked him KNOWing that he would say YES to the
winter boots, but I still had to ask because even if it is something that he will obviously agree to he still requires
that I consult him.

he keeps tabs on my spending. our money is in a joint account. is he controlling??, you bet!

he is not abusive though, he has never ever shown a temper toward me, even when I spend outside the limit, it
is more of a condescending patronizing attitude....I almost wish he would yell or cuss instead.

like if I spend outside the limit he will 'suspend' my bank card and give me a little bit of cash, here and there.

and keep in mind, I HAVE A JOB...so I went from being the one in charge of my money to the one asking permission..

so very very demoralizing.

now I make some money, I supported myself before we married, but I did not have any savings (no debt either),
and now I do bring in just as much as I did then, but our bills would easily eat up my money, if we did 'halves' on every thing.

so in his mind, ALL the money that is left over is his anyway...and really truly...it is.

this is what you get when you marry a phd in engineering and only have a degree in archaeology yourself.

he will always be the breadwinner...and of course, I dont even get to work in my chosen field...oh to do it over....sigh.

and all of this, again, is not really what is bothering me.

if he were more generous toward me and placed my desires at LEAST as high as his own.
and if he were inspired to buy me a little something here and there on my birthday/anniversary or whatnot.

then I really wouldnt care if he controlled the money the way he does, I wouldnt even notice.

you know I wouldnt mind turning in grocery receipts, and reporting small purchase, if when I looked
down at my hand I saw a big bright star!!!!

I wouldnt mind doing all the chores if I saw the same thing, as I was vacuuming!!!

I think you girls can relate, its insane what a little sparkle can do.

A little reminder of his love and devotion.

a little reminder of all the HOURS he spent working to buy you THAT makes you less inclined to
gripe when you are doing all of his laundry.

but I dont even have that....and worse then that is that I DONT SEE it coming.

No, no no no no

This is what you get when the man you thought loved and respected you turns out to be a controlling, emotionally manipulative waste of time, energy, and resources. From what we've seen so far this man doesn't have a single redeeming virtue besides being able to earn money, and this relationship you have is so far from the healthy partnership it ought to be... You deserve so much better than this - any woman does! If you're not in the position to get yourself out of this TOXIC, ABUSIVE relationship right this second, please, please consider counselling.

 

[Lucie]

 

[canada_ham]

Date: 12/14/2009 6:29:05 PM
Author: yssie


No, no no no no

This is what you get when the man you thought loved and respected you turns out to be a controlling, emotionally manipulative waste of time, energy, and resources. From what we''ve seen so far this man doesn''t have a single redeeming virtue besides being able to earn money, and this relationship you have is so far from the healthy partnership it ought to be... You deserve so much better than this - any woman does! If you''re not in the position to get yourself out of this TOXIC, ABUSIVE relationship right this second, please, please consider counselling.

ditto

he should treat you as an equal regardless of how much you make

 

[MMMD]

Suspending your bank card? Okay, enough of this. He is abusing you. You need to leave and take 1/2 of everything with you. This is not a marriage. Sorry for sounding harsh but you need to have this said to you. You don''t need a diamond from this man you need a divorce.

 

[motownmama]

Does he know how bad you feel in this marriage? He needs a wake up call.

 

[waterlilly]

Date: 12/14/2009 7:09:55 PM
Author: MMMD
Suspending your bank card? Okay, enough of this. He is abusing you. You need to leave and take 1/2 of everything with you. This is not a marriage. Sorry for sounding harsh but you need to have this said to you. You don''t need a diamond from this man you need a divorce.

Yup, plain and simple, get out.

You don''t have kids together & LIFE IS SHORT.

Do you like living like this? If the answer is YES, then stay and get over the ring. If the answer is NO, then leave. YOU decide what type of life you live - not him. You can blame him for your unhappiness, but if you stay with him knowing he is like this, you''ve made your bed.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I have a PhD and my DH has a lowly BA... I do make him do the dishes

but that is where the similarities end.

And I don''t think you would feel better with a ring

Seriously, if he got you a ring and kept behaving exactly like he does now, you think it would all be hunky dory?

But I suppose then at least you would have gotten paid for keeping the house.

 

[blackberry16]

Date: 12/13/2009 9:55:40 PM
Author: waterlilly
I think you should show him the ring you want and ask him how many alimony payments he thinks it would take to purchase it.

That is hilarious!

 

[rierie26]

"he keeps tabs on my spending. our money is in a joint account. is he controlling??, you bet!
he is not abusive though, he has never ever shown a temper toward me, even when I spend outside the limit, it
is more of a condescending patronizing attitude....I almost wish he would yell or cuss instead."

I''m sorry to say this, but this does sound like abuse. Just because he doesn''t hit you, doesn''t mean he isn''t tearing you down emotionally. You said you also work and your money is in a joint account. When he spends money for things he likes, does he use the joint account to pay for it? If so, it''s not really just his money, now is it?

 

[Victorya]

yes of course he uses the joint account, but the thing is

I bring in only about 1500 a month...and our rent alone is 1500.

so then add in the other utilities, the general cost of living, gas, food whatnot.

so he is right, "my" income is burnt up pretty quickly and his is what is left over

and most goes into savings, or his toys.


and it is..HIS money...

when I was living on my own, I lived in a different state, where you could get a nice
two bedroom apartment for 500!!!!!! So it was not hard for me to support myself.


but when we moved for HIS job, we moved two states over, and we live in an pricey place
where the jobs are good, and the living is expensive.

I have wanted to get an evening job, in an upscale bar or something where I could make
some extra money in tips

but he insists that we dont need the money...and WE dont ...but I DO!!
and he would rather have me at home, to cook and what not.


I do love him btw, I resent certain things about him, but I fell in love!

by the way this is so insane, but some one here recommended that i read the thread entitled

"i hate my ring" by muffin top

so I read the thread and all I can say is...that my husband is also from India....he has lived here for 6 years before meeting me.

I was absolutely shocked to hear this....

I see alot of similarities...thats all im gonna say...

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I might be naive here, but I thought when you get married, "my" money and "his" money becomes "our" money? And I also thought marriage was supposed to be between two equal partners, not one who is more equal than the other?

I'm no expert, but he's treating you like crap. Crap from like the 1950s.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Oh my god.... I was not prepared for that...I would never have thought that ur stories were so alike and u both have husbands from india.... I''m sorryfor the situation u guys are in.

 

[HVVS]

http://www.legal-explanations.com/definitions/mental-cruelty.htm

In most states, I think you have to be married 10 years in order to get alimony. But if you stay married, you could always withhold your $1500 and let heap big man pay *all* the bills.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 12/14/2009 6:11:01 PM
Author: Victorya
well someone here asked if I have an income, I do, but the thing is his is much bigger than mine, and boy does he know it.


our dynamic is almost as if I dont have a job at all. I come home just as tired as him, but all the house chore duties are mine.


this is because A. he make much more than I do, and B. he CHOOSES to do extra work after dinner in his home office.


this extra work is consulting work that he does for an old boss, and he earns even more money doing this, so its not like

there is not a reason for this madness. He loves to work.


problem is, this leaves everything else on me, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry.


honestly though I wouldnt even mind all that if only he was more generous/romantic toward me.




also many of you were asking about the winter boots, the thing is, I asked him KNOWing that he would say YES to the

winter boots, but I still had to ask because even if it is something that he will obviously agree to he still requires

that I consult him.


he keeps tabs on my spending. our money is in a joint account. is he controlling??, you bet!


he is not abusive though, he has never ever shown a temper toward me, even when I spend outside the limit, it

is more of a condescending patronizing attitude....I almost wish he would yell or cuss instead.


like if I spend outside the limit he will 'suspend' my bank card and give me a little bit of cash, here and there. Seriously? What are you, HIS CHILD?


and keep in mind, I HAVE A JOB...so I went from being the one in charge of my money to the one asking permission..


so very very demoralizing.


now I make some money, I supported myself before we married, but I did not have any savings (no debt either),

and now I do bring in just as much as I did then, but our bills would easily eat up my money, if we did 'halves' on every thing.


so in his mind, ALL the money that is left over is his anyway...and really truly...it is.


this is what you get when you marry a phd in engineering and only have a degree in archaeology yourself. Hm, so since my BF is getting a degree in Finance and I am getting it in measley old TEACHING, I am basically setting myself up for this? YEAH RIGHT


he will always be the breadwinner...and of course, I dont even get to work in my chosen field...oh to do it over....sigh.


and all of this, again, is not really what is bothering me.


if he were more generous toward me and placed my desires at LEAST as high as his own.

and if he were inspired to buy me a little something here and there on my birthday/anniversary or whatnot.


then I really wouldnt care if he controlled the money the way he does, I wouldnt even notice.


you know I wouldnt mind turning in grocery receipts, and reporting small purchase, if when I looked

down at my hand I saw a big bright star!!!! This is absolutely ridiculous.


I wouldnt mind doing all the chores if I saw the same thing, as I was vacuuming!!!


I think you girls can relate, its insane what a little sparkle can do. (No I can't relate AT ALL, I wouldn't do his laundry or vacuum if he treated my like this even if he gave me a 100 ct. ring)

A little reminder of his love and devotion.


a little reminder of all the HOURS he spent working to buy you THAT makes you less inclined to

gripe when you are doing all of his laundry.


but I dont even have that....and worse then that is that I DONT SEE it coming.

I am seriously disgusted with the way you are allowing yourself to be treated. You are clearly not okay with the situation you are in, but you are putting up with it as if you have to. YOU DON'T! How long have you been married? Just because it's okay in his culture to act a certain way, doesn't make it okay for you to be treated this way. You might love him, but from your post, he is CONTROLLING, has you brainwashed and you have not said one loving thing he does for you. I'm saddened you are in this position willingly. I highlighted all the lines that point out his control over you.

 

[rierie26]

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I'm guessing that we have different ideas about how money should be designated once it's in a joint account. When I think of joint accounts, I think of no longer "your money" or "my money" but "our money" because who can say which paycheque the dollar you're spending came from. I think if it's all in the same pot and since it's a joint account to be shared, yours or mine no longer applies.

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned, but perhaps you and your husband can do some sort of a hybrid joint/independent accounts. A friend of mine and her husband each contribute the same percentage of their income to the joint account for housing, utilities, food, transport, savings, other expenses, etc and then the remaining money goes to their own individual accounts for them to spend however they want without having to ask the other. Her husband makes way more than her but they both contribute like 30% or something like that of each of their incomes. Yes, 30% of the higher income is a larger amount but since they're both giving 30%, it's fair. That way both people can contribute to the living expenses but no one is spending more than the other person on expenses.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 12/14/2009 11:02:49 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
I might be naive here, but I thought when you get married, 'my' money and 'his' money becomes 'our' money? And I also thought marriage was supposed to be between two equal partners, not one who is more equal than the other?

I'm no expert, but he's treating you like crap. Crap from like the 1950s.

Yes, exactly.

That is ridiculous to say he makes more money so he gets to spend more money. You split it 50/50 when you are married. That's why if you leave him you will get half

 

[Imdanny]

Someone said earlier in this thread said not to feed the trolls. Are you a troll?

You seem to keep coming back with a lot of excuses instead of seeming to take any of the advice that's been given to you.

 

[Victorya]

I like Kitchas idea about the percentages....

because right now its like he puts in 1500 and I put in 1500 but
thats all I got!

he is very tit for tat though, I am not sure how to broach this
with him, but I, personally, think its very fair.

I am also thinking about gettng a 2nd job in the evening. (a 2nd job to pay for my own jewelry

)

I am not going to buy myself a ring, because I really want him to get that for me.
but I will buy myself some nice earrings, and Im sure he will throw a fit.

but sometimes I think that maybe the reason he doesnt want to spend on me
is because I am not bringing in alot of money. I can understand that.

anyway I appreciate everyones imput...I understand why some think that I am just trolling
on here, but Im not. My situation is real, and truly frustrating.

I know it seems like I am not "doing anything" but I just started posting 2 days ago, and I
am sorting all this out in my head.

As far as good things about him. He is very smart, ambitious and loyal and when we were dating
he gave me the impression that he was very romantic, and very generous although broke. It has
only been after marriage that he has expressed his cheap side. I was not expecting that at all.

It is not the first time a man has hidden a facet of his personality from me, and I know women
can be guilty of this too.

I had a boyfriend in college who had a serious addiction to opiates...and I dated him for 6 months
before I noticed that his pupils were always tiny, I asked him why, thinking he had a medical
condition in his eyes.... and he broke down and confessed he was a vicodin junkie
but if he had not told me, I would have never guessed in a million years.

and I would have never guessed in a million years that the broke student I was dating who took ALL of my
girlfriends out and picked up the tab including bottles of MOET would turn out to be such a
cheapo AFTER he got his degree, AFTER he landed his big job, AFTER he got a RAISE and AFTER he married me.

honestly, when I look back, there were no signs. I really do not blame myself, and I have been over it
with a fine toothed comb in my mind. I do not feel that "hindsight" feeing....I feel that "blindsided"
feeling instead.

and how many of you would turn down a proposal from a guy who you loved, and who adored you, just because
he did not have a ring at the moment, especially, if he was promising you a lovely ring, after he landed
a job, and you knew that he would be getting a GOOD job.

How was I to know that he would renig on the ring? and then turn around and monitor my spending and demand
disclosure of every small expense.????????

Living with him can be quite annoying at times, but I am no doormat, if I was we WOULD NOT be fighting,
I would just repress my opinion and put up with it.

but the fact is, we fight about this almost daily because I dont like being treated like a child, especially
since i lived on my own for 10 years before I met him!!

and I dont like the fact that he can promise to buy me a diamond ring, and not so much as blink an eye
as he renigs on that promise 3 years later, when he is making BANK and has relocated ME 2 states away from
my family.

I come on this forum, or I talk to my girlfriends, and I hear about push presents and anniversary 3 stones
and eternity bands, and what not...and Im thinking to myself "push presents???? I cant even get a ER ...
after 3 years of marriage...forget push presents!!!!!!"

not that I care so much, but you know how hard it is to sit there and congratulate my girlfriend
on her new engagement ring and she is getting married to a guy who makes less then HALF of what
my guy makes and he got her a beautiful ring.

and here am I sitting there a married woman...MARRIED. and if someone asks me why I dont have a ring
I lie and say either a) Oh I have one i just dont have it ON (if I will never see them again....or
b) Oh, I am not much one to wear jewelry...I dont WANT a ring.

 

[Hest88]

Sweetie, this is totally not about the ring, which your last post has circled back to. It''s about being married to a control-freak who doesn''t value you as an equal partner in your marriage. I make over twice as much as my DH and probably always will. But you know what? When the money goes into the bank account it''s *ours* no matter where it came from. We consult each other about larger purchases, of course, but both of us are entitled to spend all of that money. Remember how people say "love is not a feeling; love is an action"? It doesn''t matter how much "in love" the two of you are; if he''s not showing you the love it''s not meaningful.

 

[glitterata]

Date: 12/12/2009 8:49:10 AM
Author: Liane
Yes, I agree that this is another situation that doesn''t really seem to be about the ring.


Here is what I take from your posts, Victorya; please correct anything that is wrong:


1. When you were both poor and courting, your husband promised to get you a ring as soon as he could afford it;

2. Your husband now makes very good money and has for three years, but has not bought the ring;

3. Now that he can afford it, but only since he can afford it, your husband claims that jewelry is a ''brainwash'';

4. Even though you really want jewelry, your husband loudly denigrates it (such as by shouting at the TV when jewelry commercials come on);

5. Your husband refuses to spend money on anything you want (jewelry, fireplace, vacations), claiming that you need to save for far-off future expenses, but is willing to buy himself big-ticket toys (enormous TV, brand new car that he babies);

6. Whenever you ask for things of your own, he calls you ''SO materialistic'';

7. You had to ask him for winter boots and this purchase was subject to his approval, like a kid asking parents for allowance money;

8. He''s getting progressively more miserly over time, to the point where you worry about his parental fitness.


Honestly? If this is accurate, and (this is the big one) IF you have tried to have a calm, clear discussion with him about your needs and expectations and happiness, and IF he was totally unreceptive to that (brushing you off, calling you materalistic, whatever), I''d dump and move on.


This is not a description of anyone who values you as an equal partner or even, frankly, as a person. This is a description of someone who is miserly, controlling, and takes you for granted so completely that he feels he can grant or deny you WINTER BOOTS while buying himself a brand-new car. This is a description of someone who makes excuses or cuts you down as ''materialistic'' to avoid spending any money on you while blowing thousands on himself.


You deserve to be valued and it sounds like you''re not. This isn''t just about a ring. It''s about a relationship, and from what you''re saying in these posts, it''s not a good one and it''s getting worse. Take a good hard look at it. Talk to the guy. Listen to what he says and how he says it. Then decide what''s best for you.

I agree with every word of this.

If I were you, Victorya, I would insist on marriage counseling and give it a few months to work. If things haven''t taken a dramatic turn for the better by then, I would leave him.

 

[Lofi]

I've been reading your posts Victorya, and I honestly just feel awful about how you're being treated by your husband.

I think the only thing I can say is that number one, it's pretty clear that he doesn’t view you as an equal. And that is a huge problem. It doesn’t matter that you don’t make as much money – when you get married you are supposed to be partners!! That means whoever makes more money should NEVER make their partner feel like they can’t buy winter boots for themselves for crying out loud! I know relationships come in all different shapes and sizes, but based on your posts it seems like you are angry but then you also justify your husband’s actions... For example, by saying things like he brings in the money and you don’t... So in your mind is this justified? I certainly don't think so...

My fiance is a pretty simple guy. He doesn’t always get why I like designer clothes or fancy jewelry. But he loves me for it and would never make me feel guilty for it. Because I, on the other hand, would never make him feel guilty about his obsession for hunting, hunting gear (not cheap!!), cars and electronics. We both have our things. So I know when I want to spoil him someday, I could get him a really expensive gun or his dream Lamborghini! And he on the other hand knows exactly what I love and what he could get me! HE doesn’t have to love it, but he loves me.

That’s what matters. And that’s what’s missing here. I’m not suggesting that your husband doesn’t love you, but I think he is missing the whole point and the symbolism of giving rings and gifts to your loved one... Which is ... BECAUSE he loves you he should WANT to give you the things that make YOU happy (especially since he clearly can!)!

Sorry for all the bolding! I'm speaking with passion!

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 12/14/2009 7:09:55 PM
Author: MMMD
Suspending your bank card? Okay, enough of this. He is abusing you. You need to leave and take 1/2 of everything with you. This is not a marriage. Sorry for sounding harsh but you need to have this said to you. You don''t need a diamond from this man you need a divorce.

BIG FAT DITTO!

 

[D&T]

Date: 12/15/2009 6:11:35 AM
Author: Imdanny
Someone said earlier in this thread said not to feed the trolls. Are you a troll?

You seem to keep coming back with a lot of excuses instead of seeming to take any of the advice that''s been given to you.

hmmmm Troll

keeps this thread going for sure

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 12/14/2009 7:09:55 PM
Author: MMMD
Suspending your bank card? Okay, enough of this. He is abusing you. You need to leave and take 1/2 of everything with you. This is not a marriage. Sorry for sounding harsh but you need to have this said to you. You don''t need a diamond from this man you need a divorce.

Ditto. Your husband is a controlling abuser.

My husband earned more than twice as much as me when we got married, and now earns 3 times as much as I did back then. Nonetheless, he was enthusiastic about me staying at home when our son was born, and has never denied me anything that I want, never mind necessities, as long as we can afford it. Even though he is the only earner in our household, he still calls the money "our" money, not "his" money, because he recognizes that the work I do as a stay at home mother is just as valuable as the work he does as an executive - both of our skill sets are necessary to raising a successful and happy family. Also, he has never once held over my head the fact that I don''t work anymore. In addition to that, he even helps out around the house, because he lives here too. For example, he does his own laundry, and I do laundry for my son and I.

I seriously can''t believe that your husband cuts off your bank card. He is treating you like a child. I really think that you need to get out of this marriage before you make the mistake of having kids with this man.

I don''t mean to be so harsh, but I was engaged to an abuser before I broke it off and met my husband. I am advising you to leave this man because you will be SO MUCH HAPPIER when you meet someone who treats you with love and respect, as an equal. Your husband sounds beyond selfish to the point of being abusive, and you really deserve better than that.

 

[SB621]

Date: 12/15/2009 6:12:07 PM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 12/14/2009 7:09:55 PM
Author: MMMD
Suspending your bank card? Okay, enough of this. He is abusing you. You need to leave and take 1/2 of everything with you. This is not a marriage. Sorry for sounding harsh but you need to have this said to you. You don''t need a diamond from this man you need a divorce.

Ditto. Your husband is a controlling abuser.

My husband earned more than twice as much as me when we got married, and now earns 3 times as much as I did back then. Nonetheless, he was enthusiastic about me staying at home when our son was born, and has never denied me anything that I want, never mind necessities, as long as we can afford it. Even though he is the only earner in our household, he still calls the money ''our'' money, not ''his'' money, because he recognizes that the work I do as a stay at home mother is just as valuable as the work he does as an executive - both of our skill sets are necessary to raising a successful and happy family. Also, he has never once held over my head the fact that I don''t work anymore. In addition to that, he even helps out around the house, because he lives here too. For example, he does his own laundry, and I do laundry for my son and I.

I seriously can''t believe that your husband cuts off your bank card. He is treating you like a child. I really think that you need to get out of this marriage before you make the mistake of having kids with this man.

I don''t mean to be so harsh, but I was engaged to an abuser before I broke it off and met my husband. I am advising you to leave this man because you will be SO MUCH HAPPIER when you meet someone who treats you with love and respect, as an equal. Your husband sounds beyond selfish to the point of being abusive, and you really deserve better than that.

Ditto to that as well! I''m sorry but there is no excuse for the way he is treating you. Let me tell you my husband is cheap but would never in a millon years even dream of acting like that with me.