Mean girls -help me help my daughter

[OoohShiny]

She also bullied her gang members into giving her the access codes for their online accounts for a school competition.Stole their correct answers, then put wrong answers in.

She was nine .

Teacher REALLY tried to do something (talked about it in class and excluded her from the competition, but wanted to have the incident signalled). Superintendent told her not to. No bad publicity for the school!!!

I was thinking about this - the system presumably records the IP addresses of those using the system, so if a whole bunch of kids have apparently accessed from one computer (that happens to be located at the girl's house), that would seem very suspicious...

As parents, I presume one could ask for details of all the IP addresses used by their child, and flag if something seems untoward...?

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Thanks @OoohShiny , this goes on my list of questions.

 

[Gussie]

I just skimmed through this thread and I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. It is horrible that the school isn't doing more. I agree with @nala that concrete facts should get you more results. Unfortunately, nothing can be done about hurt feelings. Cheating, stealing, etc. should be punished though. Present only facts and evidence to the higher ups.

When my son was in 2nd grade at a private school, there was a mean boy who was the leader of a pack of boys. One day on the playground he "ordered" another boy to bite my son. My son came home with a deep bite mark on his bottom. I was irate! My son didn't tell the teacher or anyone because he was embarrassed and didn't want to show his bottom. I called the head of school and requested a meeting with her and his teacher. They were only going to punish the boy who bit, not the one who ordered it. I told them it was completely unacceptable for the leader to go unchecked. I threatened to pull my 3 kids from the school, meaning they would lose tuition for 3 kids plus all of our extra donations. It absolutely worked. Both of those boys were punished fairly. My son never had another problem with them.

 

[House Cat]

We never really know what to do in these instances until we are looking back on them. You seem to be handling this really well. You are supporting your daughter beautifully. That is what she really needs right now.

 

[Tekate]

hello @kipari this situation is a fine kettle of fish. I am probably one of the oldest posters on PS, that said I usually have a different frame of mind.

When I was a young girl there was a bully in my neighborhood, unfortunately for me her mother and my mother were besties (maid of honor and matron of honor in their weddings).. this girl was known by all the kids in my neighborhood and mean, vicious, a liar, and downright crazy, but she was exquisitely beautiful and still is to this day and she must be almost 70.. This girl never bullied my sister because my sister was her equal in age and my sister was stern and upright, me? I was 2 years younger than my sister and easy pickins'.. this girl almost killed me once by kicking me in the throat, she smacked me and she always denied everything and the parents? her parents knew but my mother would just pacify.. I hated this girl and avoided her at all costs.. until she started on my little 6 yr old brother, I noticed my little brother was not coming home after the bus dropped the kids off, he went to our grandmother's house every day - her house was the bus stop, so I asked him why are you going to Nanny's??? he said because 'the bully' was hitting him and pushing him near the bus wheels and kicking him and name calling, I had a decision to make at that point, in 6th grade, does my little brother continue to evade this kid? should I get my sister involved? or should I just stand up for my baby brother and confront the bully? I thought about it and I decided it was do or die time, I confronted her and used one of her techniques of being nice at first and then I clocked her so hard she went down and then I proceeded to beat the every lovin' crap out of her, I ruined her winter coat, I had a branch on her throat and I was going to kill her I think (I was that mad and had been bullied so long) that 2 big boys had trouble getting me off her, she went home screaming I went home and told my brother to not go to Nanny's anymore and come home everything is fixed and I watched TV and that was that TILL 2 days later my mom called me in and asked me what happened with me and her and I told her exactly and my mom said OK.. My mom and her mom did not speak for years, they wanted my parents to pay for her ruined winter coat and my parents said no. Her mom and my mom reconnected several years later and all was forgotten, except by me of course.

The bully stayed far away from me after that, but she did threaten my mom years later, she told my mom she was going to kill her, so again I had to confront her, the calls to my mom stopped (I didn't beat her up then we were in our mid 20s then).. the bully went on in life to go to prison for rape (of a woman), armed robbery, drugs, etc.. but still today many guys remember her beauty and her neediness and their desire to 'help' her. meh.


So my long story really can't be done today because they would arrest your daughter and you would get sued, expelled etc.. BUT your daughter can if she wants to own the situation and go head to head with the girl, calling her out all the time, doing all that she can do to NOT be intimidated by QB, who from what I have read here is heading for prison too.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. This sucks. In my day parents were never involved in this type of stuff so I was able to beat her up.. It's better to not have physical fights and I don't encourage it, when my son's were young I told them they can never throw the first punch, but if someone else punches them, all bets are off and go to it if they feel they should.. Luckily I never had that problem. I think kids today are aware of bullying more.. I hope anyway.

This QB is devious and cunning. DD must not show weakness, tough I know.. I swear if you could in today's world DD should be going to another school, this is your kid, and you are a mamabear and you have to do what is best for DD.

thanks for reading @kipari your are a fine parent and one of the good people on this planet.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

hello @kipari this situation is a fine kettle of fish. I am probably one of the oldest posters on PS, that said I usually have a different frame of mind.

When I was a young girl there was a bully in my neighborhood, unfortunately for me her mother and my mother were besties (maid of honor and matron of honor in their weddings).. this girl was known by all the kids in my neighborhood and mean, vicious, a liar, and downright crazy, but she was exquisitely beautiful and still is to this day and she must be almost 70.. This girl never bullied my sister because my sister was her equal in age and my sister was stern and upright, me? I was 2 years younger than my sister and easy pickins'.. this girl almost killed me once by kicking me in the throat, she smacked me and she always denied everything and the parents? her parents knew but my mother would just pacify.. I hated this girl and avoided her at all costs.. until she started on my little 6 yr old brother, I noticed my little brother was not coming home after the bus dropped the kids off, he went to our grandmother's house every day - her house was the bus stop, so I asked him why are you going to Nanny's??? he said because 'the bully' was hitting him and pushing him near the bus wheels and kicking him and name calling, I had a decision to make at that point, in 6th grade, does my little brother continue to evade this kid? should I get my sister involved? or should I just stand up for my baby brother and confront the bully? I thought about it and I decided it was do or die time, I confronted her and used one of her techniques of being nice at first and then I clocked her so hard she went down and then I proceeded to beat the every lovin' crap out of her, I ruined her winter coat, I had a branch on her throat and I was going to kill her I think (I was that mad and had been bullied so long) that 2 big boys had trouble getting me off her, she went home screaming I went home and told my brother to not go to Nanny's anymore and come home everything is fixed and I watched TV and that was that TILL 2 days later my mom called me in and asked me what happened with me and her and I told her exactly and my mom said OK.. My mom and her mom did not speak for years, they wanted my parents to pay for her ruined winter coat and my parents said no. Her mom and my mom reconnected several years later and all was forgotten, except by me of course.

The bully stayed far away from me after that, but she did threaten my mom years later, she told my mom she was going to kill her, so again I had to confront her, the calls to my mom stopped (I didn't beat her up then we were in our mid 20s then).. the bully went on in life to go to prison for rape (of a woman), armed robbery, drugs, etc.. but still today many guys remember her beauty and her neediness and their desire to 'help' her. meh.


So my long story really can't be done today because they would arrest your daughter and you would get sued, expelled etc.. BUT your daughter can if she wants to own the situation and go head to head with the girl, calling her out all the time, doing all that she can do to NOT be intimidated by QB, who from what I have read here is heading for prison too.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. This sucks. In my day parents were never involved in this type of stuff so I was able to beat her up.. It's better to not have physical fights and I don't encourage it, when my son's were young I told them they can never throw the first punch, but if someone else punches them, all bets are off and go to it if they feel they should.. Luckily I never had that problem. I think kids today are aware of bullying more.. I hope anyway.

This QB is devious and cunning. DD must not show weakness, tough I know.. I swear if you could in today's world DD should be going to another school, this is your kid, and you are a mamabear and you have to do what is best for DD.

thanks for reading @kipari your are a fine parent and one of the good people on this planet.

Thank you for sharing your story, @Tekate . Such a scary , sick and evil person!! I'm sorry you had to deal with this. And frankly, I was cheering for you when you fought for your little brother! Way to go!! What a wonderful sister.

It's funny you mention this approach, because in my quest for a counselor I stumbled upon a coach who exclusively focuses on the victims. She works with humour and wit, coaches the kids to confront the bully and break their power over others by standing up to them verbally (more in line with today's requirements). I'm trying to get an appointment.

Thank you @housecat!!

Thanks @Gussie I made some more steps today to politely force the school to do something about it. Looks like we need to have a paper trail with specific wording & recipients. After X failed communications one can escalate to the school district....