Marriage Trouble

[Shimmer123]

I am looking for some advice. I got married last August after dating for about 9 years, when we got married I was 28 and he was 27. For the past few months things have not been going to well, I would say since about March. This morning I started talking to him and was asking him what was going on. He said that he was just not happy. I asked what that meant and he would not elaborate. I told him that I wasn't happy either, mainly because I feel that he doesn't treat me nicely. He then said he just doesn't like being married and that we are two different people. This is true, but it has always been that way.
I think a big problem is that he is a heavy drinker. When he drinks, which is about 2 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less), he will drink a lot. On several occasions his best friend has come over and I have seen them split a 30 pack, a bottle of wine and shots. He will also go out with his friends after work (he is a cop and works until 10pm) drink and drive home. He is clearly drunk when he gets home and sometimes he will drink even more. I told him that this concerns me a lot. He denies that he is drunk, but it is so obvious. On several occasions I have asked him not to go out, but he will go anyway.
I have been putting up with this behavior because I do love him, but I really am at a point where I think we should seperate. I am just looking for some outside perspective and if anyone has any advice to offer me it would be great. I should also mention that his aunt, who he was very close with, passed away in February. Part of me thinks he is depressed over that, another part thinks he is an alcoholic and those are the reasons he says he is unhappy, but I just don't know. Thanks

 

[Maisie]

He really needs to address his drinking issues. If he is drinking and driving he is putting not only himself but other people at risk.

When you asked him why he wasn''t happy did he say anything at all? Does he say its the marriage that is making him unhappy? Maybe he doesn''t like having to be accountable for his behaviour.

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 5/29/2010 4:06:13 PM
Author:Shimmer123
I am looking for some advice. I got married last August after dating for about 9 years, when we got married I was 28 and he was 27. For the past few months things have not been going to well, I would say since about March. This morning I started talking to him and was asking him what was going on. He said that he was just not happy. I asked what that meant and he would not elaborate. I told him that I wasn''t happy either, mainly because I feel that he doesn''t treat me nicely. He then said he just doesn''t like being married and that we are two different people. This is true, but it has always been that way.
I think a big problem is that he is a heavy drinker. When he drinks, which is about 2 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less), he will drink a lot. On several occasions his best friend has come over and I have seen them split a 30 pack, a bottle of wine and shots. He will also go out with his friends after work (he is a cop and works until 10pm) drink and drive home. He is clearly drunk when he gets home and sometimes he will drink even more. I told him that this concerns me a lot. He denies that he is drunk, but it is so obvious. On several occasions I have asked him not to go out, but he will go anyway.
I have been putting up with this behavior because I do love him, but I really am at a point where I think we should seperate. I am just looking for some outside perspective and if anyone has any advice to offer me it would be great. I should also mention that his aunt, who he was very close with, passed away in February. Part of me thinks he is depressed over that, another part thinks he is an alcoholic and those are the reasons he says he is unhappy, but I just don''t know. Thanks

He is an alcoholic. No question in my mind. And if he is not willing to admit it or get help, I would either move out or ask him to move out. But be really careful how you handle it. I would NOT do it when he is drunk and I would not approach it when angry. Be really careful if he has any type of temper and tell someone trusted like a family member or friend exactly when you are telling him so they can call and check on you and if you don''t answer come over or even be nearby or with you if you feel more comfortable.

I can promise you it WILL get worse if he does not admit he has a problem. And you can''t have a healthy relationship with someone who is drunk often and does not realize its a problem.

Anyone who has lived with alcholics knows that until they admit their is a problem and want to seek help, things will only get worse and who you are as a person will start to fade away.

I''m so sorry this is happening but you deserve better.

Its really disturbing that he is a cop and drinks and drives.

 

[Shimmer123]

Date: 5/29/2010 4:22:12 PM
Author: Maisie
He really needs to address his drinking issues. If he is drinking and driving he is putting not only himself but other people at risk.

When you asked him why he wasn''t happy did he say anything at all? Does he say its the marriage that is making him unhappy? Maybe he doesn''t like having to be accountable for his behaviour.

Hi Maisie. I agree that he has a drinking problem and he needs to get help for it. When I asked him why he was unhappy he couldn''t give me a reason, but he said he didn''t like being married. I think you are totally right that he doesn''t like having to be held accountable for his behavior. I think his father has a drinking problem, too, so when he lived at home noone ever questioned it.

 

[Shimmer123]

Date: 5/29/2010 5:22:56 PM
Author: asscherisme

Date: 5/29/2010 4:06:13 PM
Author:Shimmer123
I am looking for some advice. I got married last August after dating for about 9 years, when we got married I was 28 and he was 27. For the past few months things have not been going to well, I would say since about March. This morning I started talking to him and was asking him what was going on. He said that he was just not happy. I asked what that meant and he would not elaborate. I told him that I wasn''t happy either, mainly because I feel that he doesn''t treat me nicely. He then said he just doesn''t like being married and that we are two different people. This is true, but it has always been that way.
I think a big problem is that he is a heavy drinker. When he drinks, which is about 2 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less), he will drink a lot. On several occasions his best friend has come over and I have seen them split a 30 pack, a bottle of wine and shots. He will also go out with his friends after work (he is a cop and works until 10pm) drink and drive home. He is clearly drunk when he gets home and sometimes he will drink even more. I told him that this concerns me a lot. He denies that he is drunk, but it is so obvious. On several occasions I have asked him not to go out, but he will go anyway.
I have been putting up with this behavior because I do love him, but I really am at a point where I think we should seperate. I am just looking for some outside perspective and if anyone has any advice to offer me it would be great. I should also mention that his aunt, who he was very close with, passed away in February. Part of me thinks he is depressed over that, another part thinks he is an alcoholic and those are the reasons he says he is unhappy, but I just don''t know. Thanks

He is an alcoholic. No question in my mind. And if he is not willing to admit it or get help, I would either move out or ask him to move out. But be really careful how you handle it. I would NOT do it when he is drunk and I would not approach it when angry. Be really careful if he has any type of temper and tell someone trusted like a family member or friend exactly when you are telling him so they can call and check on you and if you don''t answer come over or even be nearby or with you if you feel more comfortable.

I can promise you it WILL get worse if he does not admit he has a problem. And you can''t have a healthy relationship with someone who is drunk often and does not realize its a problem.

Anyone who has lived with alcholics knows that until they admit their is a problem and want to seek help, things will only get worse and who you are as a person will start to fade away.

I''m so sorry this is happening but you deserve better.

Its really disturbing that he is a cop and drinks and drives.

Thank you for your post. It is helpful to hear your perspective. I think he is an alcoholic, too. He definitally puts drinking before me. I already told him I wanted him to leave our house this morning. I am sure he is happy to do that so he can now go drinking tonight with his friends.

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 5/29/2010 5:44:15 PM
Author: Shimmer123

Date: 5/29/2010 5:22:56 PM
Author: asscherisme

Date: 5/29/2010 4:06:13 PM
Author:Shimmer123
I am looking for some advice. I got married last August after dating for about 9 years, when we got married I was 28 and he was 27. For the past few months things have not been going to well, I would say since about March. This morning I started talking to him and was asking him what was going on. He said that he was just not happy. I asked what that meant and he would not elaborate. I told him that I wasn''t happy either, mainly because I feel that he doesn''t treat me nicely. He then said he just doesn''t like being married and that we are two different people. This is true, but it has always been that way.
I think a big problem is that he is a heavy drinker. When he drinks, which is about 2 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less), he will drink a lot. On several occasions his best friend has come over and I have seen them split a 30 pack, a bottle of wine and shots. He will also go out with his friends after work (he is a cop and works until 10pm) drink and drive home. He is clearly drunk when he gets home and sometimes he will drink even more. I told him that this concerns me a lot. He denies that he is drunk, but it is so obvious. On several occasions I have asked him not to go out, but he will go anyway.
I have been putting up with this behavior because I do love him, but I really am at a point where I think we should seperate. I am just looking for some outside perspective and if anyone has any advice to offer me it would be great. I should also mention that his aunt, who he was very close with, passed away in February. Part of me thinks he is depressed over that, another part thinks he is an alcoholic and those are the reasons he says he is unhappy, but I just don''t know. Thanks

He is an alcoholic. No question in my mind. And if he is not willing to admit it or get help, I would either move out or ask him to move out. But be really careful how you handle it. I would NOT do it when he is drunk and I would not approach it when angry. Be really careful if he has any type of temper and tell someone trusted like a family member or friend exactly when you are telling him so they can call and check on you and if you don''t answer come over or even be nearby or with you if you feel more comfortable.

I can promise you it WILL get worse if he does not admit he has a problem. And you can''t have a healthy relationship with someone who is drunk often and does not realize its a problem.

Anyone who has lived with alcholics knows that until they admit their is a problem and want to seek help, things will only get worse and who you are as a person will start to fade away.

I''m so sorry this is happening but you deserve better.

Its really disturbing that he is a cop and drinks and drives.

Thank you for your post. It is helpful to hear your perspective. I think he is an alcoholic, too. He definitally puts drinking before me. I already told him I wanted him to leave our house this morning. I am sure he is happy to do that so he can now go drinking tonight with his friends.

Big hugs to you. You sound like you have your head straight.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 5/29/2010 5:38:51 PM
Author: Shimmer123

Date: 5/29/2010 4:22:12 PM
Author: Maisie
He really needs to address his drinking issues. If he is drinking and driving he is putting not only himself but other people at risk.

When you asked him why he wasn''t happy did he say anything at all? Does he say its the marriage that is making him unhappy? Maybe he doesn''t like having to be accountable for his behaviour.

Hi Maisie. I agree that he has a drinking problem and he needs to get help for it. When I asked him why he was unhappy he couldn''t give me a reason, but he said he didn''t like being married. I think you are totally right that he doesn''t like having to be held accountable for his behavior. I think his father has a drinking problem, too, so when he lived at home noone ever questioned it.

There are things that can be sorted out in a marriage and things that can''t. I think that heavy drinking needs to be treated carefully and seriously. If he wants to live his life married to alcohol then you need to let him go. He isn''t willing to give it up for you. You deserve more than he is giving you. Also, as a police officer he is risking a lot by his behaviour. If he gets caught drinking and driving he could end up in jail. And that would be terrible for a cop.

You sound like you know there has to be drastic change. I hope you can find peace in whatever decision you make.

 

[wellinsm]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is a terrible position to be in. First however, I applaude you for being honest with him and trying to speak to him about your concerns. Too often many spouses (women and men) simply make believe that all is OK, while things continue to deteriorate.

Second, I agree with the previous posters that it does appear that he has a problem with drinking, and you cannot make someone quit drinking, they have to want to do it for themselves. The drinking is interfering with your relationship, on top of him possibly being depressed, and coming from a family where his father was an alcoholic, to him it may seem OK.

Third, it is very difficult being married to a cop, as I am sure that you know this as you have been together for such a long time, you knew what you were signing up for. Many police officers use drinking as a way to decompress and deal with all that they see and deal with on a daily basis. I am also married to a police officer, and while he does not drink, many of his friends and co-workers drink plenty. I''m not saying that being a cop is an excuse to drink and treat you poorly, it is not, but it might be his way of dealing with the stress at his job. It doesn''t make it right in any way, shape, or form.

I think that you did the right thing by trying to talk to him. Have you spoken to him directly about the concerns that you have regarding his drinking when he is sober? Is there support through his work for police officers who are having difficulty. For my husband there is a Police Officer Support Team, which is confidential and only staffed by fellow police officers and is strictly confidential and cannot be used against anyone who calls on their job.

I wish you luck! I wish I had some better advice, but the only thing I can see is suggesting that the 2 of you go to counseling (if he is even willing) and talking to him about the concerns you have regarding his drinking and treatment of you.

Good luck!

 

[Bliss]

I am sorry, but wow... if your husband is a police officer, then I can only imagine the stress, fear of personal safety and horrors of witnessing what human beings do to each other is doing to his mental state. First of all, kudos to him for the public service he is doing. But most importantly, it sounds like he is very very depressed. And the drinking does not help; it makes things so much worse. He could be an alcoholic and the roots of it may be complex. Would it be possible to encourage him to go to therapy? I wish you both the best.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

First step: Admit you you are powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable.

Second step: google the city you live in and "al-anon" and go to a meeting. Help is out there for YOU. You are the only one you can control.

I sincerely hope your husband can someday admit he has a problem and find recovery but that may never happen. Take comfort that miracles happen. I have seen it but the important thing is to make sure you don''t lose yourself in *his* disease. You are not his mother, manager, doctor, nurse, therapist, boss. sponsor, Higher Power...the sooner you can let go the sooner you will find peace. Step two will help you learn all the tools. Good luck.

 

[somethingshiny]

Ditto Bliss.

Obviously your husband has alcoholism, but I''d bet that it was caused by an event. Find the event and resolve those issues and then he''ll have a much easier time coping without alcohol.

Big hugs to you!

 

[movie zombie]

not to be cruel but
1-this wasn''t obvious before marriage after 9 years together? i guess its possible.....
and
2-i hope san diego lady sees this and responds. please please please do another thread with her name iin the title so she''ll respond. she''s been there, done that and is currently married to a police officer.

mz

ps i''m so sorry you''re going through this. i''ve seen a lot of people attend al-anon who quit enabling but also didn''t leave and get on with their life. do a reality check not just a pricescope but with your friends, relatives, al-anon, and especially a counselor to keep yourself clear and straight.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Alcoholism is a disease and no one person or event can cause it. That is not to say a traumatic event could not speed up his bottom or exaggerate his need to cope by excessive drinking. Alcoholism is an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. Both must be present.

 

[Shimmer123]

Thank you all for the replies. I spoke to him on the phone before and asked him again what was going on and he repeated that he isn''t happy and doesn''t like being married. He said he doesn''t like having responsibilities and paying bills. He would rather be out with his friends then at home. And that he can''t picture his life being like this for the next 60 years.

 

[Shimmer123]

Date: 5/29/2010 9:52:50 PM
Author: movie zombie
not to be cruel but

1-this wasn't obvious before marriage after 9 years together? i guess its possible.....

and

2-i hope san diego lady sees this and responds. please please please do another thread with her name iin the title so she'll respond. she's been there, done that and is currently married to a police officer.


mz


ps i'm so sorry you're going through this. i've seen a lot of people attend al-anon who quit enabling but also didn't leave and get on with their life. do a reality check not just a pricescope but with your friends, relatives, al-anon, and especially a counselor to keep yourself clear and straight.

You are right. I did notice some of his behavior when we were dating, but since we didn't live together I wasn't completely aware of how bad his drinking was. In regards to the al-anon meetings, I would be willing to go and try to work on things, but he does not want try. I asked him if he wanted to go see a counselor and he asked me what would be the point? He is not happy and does not think it would change anything.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Shimmer, do not blame yourself. This disease is very complex and difficult to understand. Denial is a very powerful tool and if you didn't know the signs they are easy to miss. As for al-anon meetings those are for YOU. I am studying chemical dependancy counseling and I firmly believe that you were drawn to each other. Most SO's of addicts/alcoholics are codependent by nature. The danger is w/o proper recovery for YOU chances are you will attract and marry another man with addiction problems. Sounds like your DH has more the addiction issues. If he is checked out of the marriage there is not much you can do. I really am sorry.

ETA: I am guessing you are a regular posting who is embarrassed to post under your "real" name. If this is the case feel free to contact me if you have more questions/concerns.

 

[stepcutgirl]

I hope you will follow Tacori''s advice and find al-anon. It can be the best gift you can give to yourself. His life isn''t painful enough yet to realize that there is a problem with alcohol. Yours doesn''t have to get worse before you get the help you need. Like Tacori said even if you get out of this marriage without you seeing your role in things (not in making him an alcoholic) you can break out of co-dependent thinking and behavior.

I too am here if you need to talk. I am so well versed in all shapes, forms and recoveries that it is second nature to me.

 

[MMMD]

So sorry you have to go through this.

 

[pancake]

Shimmer, I am really sorry you are going through this.

I don''t think I have anything really productive or helpful to contribute, I''m sorry - but I do admire you for having confronted it with him and tried to have a searching and adult discussion about it. That must be really difficult.

I do think that you are doing all you can. Ultimately you can''t do it all on your own, he needs to want to try too. I think the suggestions in this thread are great but most or all depend on an element of your husband wanting to seek help. I hope he changes his mind but if he doesn''t, I hope you also know that you will be ok and that you have been emotionally honest with yourself through the whole thing. Important thing to understand.

 

[noelwr]

oh sweetheart, how heartbreaking! you are so brave and tough approaching him.

well, he''s told you twice now that he doesn''t like being married. and it sounds like he''s got a lot of issues to work out and growing up to do before he will ever be ready for the married life.

at least he''s never said that you are the problem, and I think he realizes that you are better off without him and wants you to have the life you want with someone who is willing to give it to you.

and I understand it''s hard for you because you love him and want to help him, but it doesn''t sound like he wants to be helped right now. I imagine it''s very hard to turn your back on someone after 9 years, but I think it''s clear that you guys need to, at least, separate for a while.

 

[lknvrb4]

Date: 5/29/2010 10:12:19 PM
Author: Shimmer123
Thank you all for the replies. I spoke to him on the phone before and asked him again what was going on and he repeated that he isn''t happy and doesn''t like being married. He said he doesn''t like having responsibilities and paying bills. He would rather be out with his friends then at home. And that he can''t picture his life being like this for the next 60 years.

Do you think he is seeing someone else? The only reason I am asking this is because he is giving you generalized answers to why he is not happy. The whole "we are two different people" and the "doesn''t like being married" it just seems off.

On a side note, I used to be friends with a couple who loved to drink. On several occasions while at their house I watched the husband who was a cop climb into his car with his drink to drive to town to buy more alcohol. Let''s just say we are not friends anymore. Wonderful role model huh?

 

[Shimmer123]

Date: 5/30/2010 7:07:46 AM
Author: lknvrb4

Date: 5/29/2010 10:12:19 PM
Author: Shimmer123
Thank you all for the replies. I spoke to him on the phone before and asked him again what was going on and he repeated that he isn''t happy and doesn''t like being married. He said he doesn''t like having responsibilities and paying bills. He would rather be out with his friends then at home. And that he can''t picture his life being like this for the next 60 years.

Do you think he is seeing someone else? The only reason I am asking this is because he is giving you generalized answers to why he is not happy. The whole ''we are two different people'' and the ''doesn''t like being married'' it just seems off.

On a side note, I used to be friends with a couple who loved to drink. On several occasions while at their house I watched the husband who was a cop climb into his car with his drink to drive to town to buy more alcohol. Let''s just say we are not friends anymore. Wonderful role model huh?

I guess it could be a possibility that he is seeing someone else, but I don''t really think he is, unless the girl likes to drink a lot. Whenever he goes out he comes home wasted. I just went online and checked his checking account information. There are a ATM withdrawals at bars near his friend''s house. At this point I think we need to be appart for awhile. He will either realize that he enjoys the single life style or he misses me, but remaining together things will just get worse. If we do decided to remain married I think we need to see a counselor to work on these problems.

 

[Shimmer123]

Date: 5/29/2010 10:24:34 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Shimmer, do not blame yourself. This disease is very complex and difficult to understand. Denial is a very powerful tool and if you didn''t know the signs they are easy to miss. As for al-anon meetings those are for YOU. I am studying chemical dependancy counseling and I firmly believe that you were drawn to each other. Most SO''s of addicts/alcoholics are codependent by nature. The danger is w/o proper recovery for YOU chances are you will attract and marry another man with addiction problems. Sounds like your DH has more the addiction issues. If he is checked out of the marriage there is not much you can do. I really am sorry.

ETA: I am guessing you are a regular posting who is embarrassed to post under your ''real'' name. If this is the case feel free to contact me if you have more questions/concerns.

Hi Tacori- I did change my name to make this post. I don''t post a lot, but I have been a member for a while. I just can''t believe last year at this time I was so excited to be planning my wedding and posting in BWW and now this. How can I contact you? Thanks.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I lost both my grandfathers to alcohol, so I know how this goes. Even if you leave, you need to go to meetings or counciling, otherwise you won''t get better, even without him. There is a reason he was interesting to you and a real chance not only that you would end up with another alcoholic, but also that you will have unresolved issues. If it took 9 years for you to see him as an alcoholic, how long will it take you with the next guy? I don''t say that to be mean, it took the smartest woman I knew 7 years to figure out her DH was an alcoholic and she grew up around them.
Losing someone to alcohol is a bit like being cheated on; they chose something else over you and that is a very hard thing to comes to terms with.
Second, he can''t cut back on his drinking, it has to be all or nothing. I have yet to see an alcoholic be able to moderate themselves, otherwise they would not be an alcohoilc.
In my family, the alcoholics have quit drinking or are dead. Although the dead outnumber the sober, there are a number who made that transition and are happy and healthy, so it can be done. He has to do it though, there is nothing in the world you can do to make him or convince him, he has to choose on his own and some people never do.

 

[AGBF]

Shimmer123-You need to get to Al-anon. The people there can help you. They have all been where you are now. I know

that it is a huge leap of faith for you to make to believe that some strangers there whom you have never met can help you.

People here on Pricescope seem more familiar. The folks at Al-anon will be your family, your kin, your guides, however. Many of

them will have been married to policemen or have policemen in their families, too. This is not unusual. Please trust me. It is

very frightening to look up the number and find the first group; after that it gets easier and easier. After the first meeting

you know you are welcome and home. Please trust me!


Hugs,
Deb/AGBF

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Shimmer, I believe the new version of PS will have PMs. That''s what I have heard anyways. Feel free to reach me that way under either screen name.

AGBF, is very wise. The first meeting will be the hardest. We all suffer from the disease of uniqueness and it helps to end the isolation and realize you are not alone. This is true for all adversities in life. However, I know very well that help is for those who WANT it not just for those who NEED it. You may not be ready.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 5/30/2010 11:35:52 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
Even if you leave, you need to go to meetings or counciling, otherwise you won't get better, even without him. There is a reason he was interesting to you and a real chance not only that you would end up with another alcoholic, but also that you will have unresolved issues. If it took 9 years for you to see him as an alcoholic, how long will it take you with the next guy? I don't say that to be mean, it took the smartest woman I knew 7 years to figure out her DH was an alcoholic and she grew up around them.

Ditto this. I was with an alcoholic for many years and vowed I would never do it again... and then I did. Fell for another alcoholic. When I finally woke up from that relationship (which is to say, after he dumped me, for which I'm grateful, because it would have taken me many more years to get to that point myself) I finally realized that I was "qualified" to join al-anon.

Please take steps to help yourself and figure out why you were with your husband in the first place, so that you don't find yourself repeating this relations ship -- with him or others -- ad infinitum.

 

[Dreamer_D]

The other posters have said such wonderful things, please take their advice and go to a meeting.

My grandfather was an alcoholic and his drinking really affected my family in a terrible way. He did quit later in his life, but not before his drinking and codependent relationship with my grandmother traumatized my mother and her brothers, and me.

Alcoholism does not go away, and it does not get better unless the alcoholic wants to get better. For me, it is a deal breaker. Do not ignore what your head and your heart may be telling you, no matter how painful.

I know this is extreme, but walk away. Walk away from this relationship now while you are young and before you have kids (I assume?) and before he gets worse. Start fresh. Life is too short to be with an addict who says he does not want to be married to you anymore.

 

[Shimmer123]

Thank you ladies for all the wonderful advice you are giving me. I truly appreciate it. I found an meeting close to my house on Tuesday night, so I plan on going. His mother called me before and said that she spoke to him (I already told her what was going on). She was crying and said that she can't believe this is happening. When I told her I was planning on going to the meeting she told me she didn't think he was an alcoholic and that alcoholics are people that can't hold jobs. I said that is just one type of alcholic and that someone who drink like he does can also be considered one, I don't think she agrees though. I asked her what they spoke about and she said he told her pretty much what I already had. He doesn't like being married anymore and it has nothing to do with me. He is just not happy. Of course yesterday he spent the day drinking with his friends.
I know that what happens now is really out of my hands. He has to decide that he has a problem and needs to get help. I don't think he will realize that anytime soon though. Unfortunatly for me he has an escape, he can drink and not have to worry about feeling anything and push this off. Me on the other hand has to deal with these emotions. If he is willing to go a counselor to work on things, I will go with him, but it doesn't seem like that is what he wants to do right now. I really hope he decides to get the help he needs. Who know where this journey will take us/me, maybe we will be stronger for it in the end or maybe I will be stronger on my own. I did not wear my wedding set today, I can't bring myself to wear it and think about the broken promises he made to me. On top of it I am a teacher and the thought of my students calling me Mrs. B. on Tuesday makes me so upset

On another note we have a cruise booked for the end of July. If I cancel it now we will lose a $500 deposit, if I wait until after Thursday to cancel it we will lose $1400. What do you think I should do? We are planning to go with my best friend and her boyfriend. I can always got without him and bring someone else.

 

[soberguy]

Not sure you''re interested... But I have been in Al-Anon since I was about 13... It has helped me immensely in taking my life back. Realizing that I have the right to be happy, regardless of whether or not the alcoholic is... And it helped me stop parenting the parent in my case, husband in yours possibly... Seek your own joy... I no longer have to allow the alcoholic in my life to dictate my joy. My thoughts are with you... There is a world of people out there who will help you find your way