Let her choose?

[Timm]

Should I just let my girlfriend choose her own setting and stone? I really want to surprise her, but if she's going to wear the ring forever, I think it should be something that she likes and chose. Any advice?

 

[soxfan]

Should I just let my girlfriend choose her own setting and stone? I really want to surprise her, but if she's going to wear the ring forever, I think it should be something that she likes and chose. Any advice?

YES. Good man......

 

[retroglam]

Definitely she should choose! There's been some great ideas in threads here in the past on ways to propose without a ring - if you don't want to do it empty handed then propose with a cheaper placeholder or buy the stone but let her pick the setting. Or arrange a romantic proposal but with no ring/stone and choose the whole thing together. Personally I vote for the last option.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yes, if you two have ever discussed getting married, I would just ask her to give you pictures of rings she loves for someday in the future.

Then it can still be a surprise. But please come back here and let us help you find a great diamond and setting!

 

[Winks_Elf]

When my husband proposed, we were already living together, and had just had a baby a few months earlier. We've made just about every major decision together, and the ring was no exception. We picked out my diamond together. He actually wanted to spend way more than I was comfortable with (the ring he picked was $16k, but I chose a $5k diamond instead), and he didn't tell me when he purchased the diamond, and had it mounted into a simple 14kwg setting, knowing that I would want to design my own ring. So when he proposed, it was actually a surprise.

If you ask her to show you what it is she likes, and you shop for either the diamond or the setting together, for "some day," you'll be able to surprise her but still please her taste.

 

[ame]

Should I just let my girlfriend choose her own setting and stone? I really want to surprise her, but if she's going to wear the ring forever, I think it should be something that she likes and chose. Any advice?

YES YES YES! I would choose the whole shebang together, but yes, let her choose. Propose to her with a ringpop maybe or some kind of symbol that is a personal symbol or inside joke (like if you met at a bar you can find some kind of item from that bar and propose there with it), and tell her that you want her to be in charge of picking a ring that makes her heart sing, and discuss the budget from the start.

 

[LLJsmom]

That is the smart thing. And the considerate thing. She's the one wearing it. So she has to love it. You're already three steps ahead with letting her choose.

 

[Bron357]

Hi, unless you know her specific taste ie a round solitaire claw set it is better to allow her to design and wear her "dream ring". You could buy her a proposal ring which she can later switch to a right hand ring so you can give her the surprise you want and then you can together enjoy the ring search.

 

[foxinsox]

Absolutely yes you should let her choose - you want something that makes her heart sing every time she looks at it on her hand and unless you know her very very well, or she's already sussed out exactly what she wants, guessing or going off what you like is risky. In my case what I thought I liked was not at all what I ended up with after looking for 6 months.
I think you're being very considerate of her feelings and respectful of her opinions doing it this way - that's a really good start to a marriage!

 

[Crystal_Dreams]

As someone who didn't choose their stone or ring, I would say good on you for considering what your gf wants! Having said that, I really liked the surprise of having him choose everything- there was something special about that afterall.

Like the others, I would say go shopping with her, ask her to show you what settings/stone shapes/sizes she likes, THEN make it a surprise!

 

[GeorgieQ]

Yes!! Most definitely let her choose. My husband and I designed my ring and picked the diamond together. Then he chose the time to propose to me with the ring. I hadn't actually seen the ring in person until the moment he proposed, obviously it wasn't a total surprise because I knew what it looked like (from jewellers drawings, photos etc), but none the less, not having seen the ring in person until that special moment meant that there was still a surprise feel about it all. Good luck!!

 

[chamomiletea]

Why don't you ask her and let her choose if she wants to choose lol. She might say no. My husband asked if I wanted to choose but I wanted the gift to be from him, I was excited to see what he would pick for me. Some of us are indecisive and not all of us want the pressure of making decisions. I am pretty sure if I had chosen I would have second guessed my choice forever more and constantly thought 'what if I had gotten that stone, or that setting or maybe I should have chosen rose gold ect ect'.
Instead I appreciate his gift even more knowing the painstaking lengths he went to in order to get it right.
So it depends on the woman.

 

[lambskin]

Yes, yes,yes.

 

[imitcan]

If you know a lot of details regarding her dream ring then it shouldn't be too hard to surprise her with a ring she'll love. I was pretty clear that a solitaire was my heart's desire. I wasn't interested in side stones or anything other than a sparkly round stone. And that is what my husband proposed with. Still happily & proudly wearing it 24 yrs later.
If she wants something more detailed or very specific then I would certainly choose it together.
Hope you both enjoy the shopping and the resulting sparkler!

 

[Timm]

I thought I was alone in thinking that it would be a great idea to let the girl choose for herself, but I'm so happy to hear that everyone else thinks so too.

 

[Rockinruby]

I thought I was alone in thinking that it would be a great idea to let the girl choose for herself, but I'm so happy to hear that everyone else thinks so too.

Yes!

 

[telephone89]

Some women don't want to choose, or think it's unromantic, so I'd probably run it by her first. This is a pretty specific forum to ask this question - so yes, you'll get a whole ton of 'let her choose' comments lol.

Most women I know didn't want to choose the exact one. What they did was go look at rings together (or online), and pick out a few that she really liked, 3-5. Then the guy made the 'final' decision, knowing that he couldn't go wrong lol. This made the guy feel like he was still 'in control' (since he's paying for it usually), but the girl know that she wouldn't get something crazy that she'd hate. I think it's a good compromise.

However, she might be like a PSer and want to choose and create the entire thing, down to the exact details. So, again, I'd say run it past her. If you're considering marriage and are open to her choosing, I don't think it's bad to check with her first (since it's obviously not going to be a complete surprise anyways).

 

[mco312]

I am in the "let her choose" camp.


But, ultimately, I agree with the PSers that state you should try and feel out what your future fiance would want. Does she want to be surprised? Or would she have fun choosing exactly what she wants? Or something in between? Good luck!!

 

[Timm]

Thank you, it helps to know what a lot of others here think, but it still doesn't solve my problem. How exactly will I know if she definitely wants to choose or if she wants to be surprised.

 

[missy]

You can do both Timm. Propose to her as a surprise with a stand in ring and then after she accepts your proposal you can go diamond and ring shopping together. The stand in ring can be anything from a ring pop, to a less expensive right hand ring... anything at all. And that way the proposal is a happy surprise (if she feels that is more romantic and the way she wants it) and then she can get exactly the diamond and setting of her choice. With the 2 of you shopping together for it. Good luck!

 

[nyquestioner]

There's basically four options:
1. total surprise
2. sneakily find out what she might like by having her friends/sisters bring it up in conversation
3. More straightforwardly find out by having her make a pinterest page, or just talking to her directly about what she likes
4. Do the whole picking out process together

You can also combine 1 and 4 by proposing without a ring, but some women would be sad that they couldn't show off their ring as soon as they are engaged.

So I suggest that you start with a little of #2. Have one of her friends do some reconnaissance about what kind of ring she would like, and how involved she would want to be in the process, maybe by bringing up a fake "other friend" who is picking out a ring with her boyfriend and see what your girlfriend things about that.

 

[whitewave]

Two thumbs up!

 

[distracts]

Thank you, it helps to know what a lot of others here think, but it still doesn't solve my problem. How exactly will I know if she definitely wants to choose or if she wants to be surprised.

Ask. Say, "I was thinking we could go look at engagement rings this weekend. How do you feel about that?" My husband and I picked the ring together, and then when it was finished being made he proposed - and that part was a surprise since I didn't know when it was done or where/when he would propose.

 

[josmar0623]

I was actually in that situation and I regret it. I was there when my now husband picked out the diamond and setting so I knew exactly what it looked like. Instead I wish I would have trusted what he picked because I do think he has good taste or if you feel doubtful that you won't pick something she'll want take someone along with you that knows her taste. I feel like I missed out on the surprise element of both the proposal and what the ring looked like and wished I could do it all over again without my participation.

 

[naivemelody]

Thank you, it helps to know what a lot of others here think, but it still doesn't solve my problem. How exactly will I know if she definitely wants to choose or if she wants to be surprised.

You could tell her you'd be happy for her to have as much or as little involvement as she wants - she can choose, you can totally surprise her, or something in between. Even the most adamant "surprise me" girl would probably be fine with at least telling you she'd rather be surprised.

Some of these wedding traditions can seem like a trap where you have to get it right with no info, but they don't have to be. She's still the (presumably) sweet and reasonable person you know. Just ask, listen, tell her your action plan (e.g. "ok, I'll surprise you", or "ok, I'll find a couple of jewelry stores we could visit next week"), and listen again - with a bit of luck, that will go as smoothly as your average gift/date/whatever romantic thing. You'll do great!

 

[SpencerDane]

Letting her choose her ring is a great idea! I also think it would be especially romantic if you did what missy mentioned and used another ring as a stand in and tell her that you want to take her to pick out a ring she will love. I am sure that many of us might not be upgrading later had our hubbys let us choose before we got married.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you, it helps to know what a lot of others here think, but it still doesn't solve my problem. How exactly will I know if she definitely wants to choose or if she wants to be surprised.

Very simple solution to this one: Just ask her.

Very easy.

"Honey, listen... when it comes time for us to get engaged. Do you want me to pick the ring completely on my own, so it is a total suprise? Or, since you are going to be wearing it for life, do you want input? I am happy to do it either way. But I want the choice to be yours."


Problem solved.

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

Yes! Let her choose! I was sooo happy when my husband let me choose my ring. I would bet your girl will be happy too. I loved Gypsy's idea of asking her which way SHE wants to do it. Congrats on your upcoming engagement!

 

[Timm]

Thank you. I've found ways of asking her surreptitiously and I now know that she would love to be able to pick her own ring, too. It's great that I was able to find this out before I actually went ahead and picked one for her.

 

[JLW05]

Yes! do it together. I know too many women who were not happy with their original ring and ended up purchasing one more suited to their taste down the road.