- Joined
- Apr 26, 2007
- Messages
- 8,087
Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim
But ... if I understood correctly, she bought the OECs with money she earned, and wanted to get the 3 ct stone with money she would earn in the future.
And that's ASIDE from the issues that arise once you start quantifying the value a stay-at-home spouse brings to the marriage: I actually have some major issues with that division within a marriage, because, wow, way to discourage anybody, of either gender, regardless of qualifications, from EVER wanting to stay home with kids, and way to devalue the invisible labor that women are still inordinately responsible for.
As for the other forum ... no comment. I find there's a lot of dislike for anything coded female in most of our society. Never seen it as a reason to give the individual manifestations a pass.
madelise|1345737404|3255940 said:Circe|1345735235|3255924 said:I am equally head-scratchy about why he thinks he gets a vote in how you spend your fun money. Is he equally judge-y about other things, or is it just "frivolous" expenditures?
I agree with all of the rest of your post, Circe, but I would be one annoyed Madelise if my paychecks went to my SAHS (Stay at Home Spouse)'s $30k+ bling. Materialism does not need to be supported by a marriage partner, and it shouldn't be considered judge-y. That's why I suggested that if he's so against it, she do the purchase on her own when she is employed (but even then, I was hesitant on saying that because the DH should totally have a say on whether that $ should go towards savings and the family > bling). I mean, really, 3+ carat diamonds are frivolous. There's no need for one whatsoever (though the PS viewer might be inclined to disagree!), and kids, bills, and saving for the future should come first. If I had kids, and a SAHS to support, I would want every penny of my extra money to go towards those said kids' college funds in some type of investment. Bling can always be purchased after the kids have gone to college and graduated.. but you can't pay their tuitions with a 3 carat ring! Let's say you and SO already have 2 cars that are very dependable and "enough", and he goes out to buy a $30K+ sports car "for fun" to add to his collection of cars.. when you have a young family to save for. I would go batsh!t crazy on him, take the kids, and leave!
Honestly, in the outside-of-PS world, upgrades are looked at as an unnecessary extravagance, and gives off the feeling that the woman is ungrateful for her first ring. I am part of a non-jewelry related forum that has thousands of members, and one girl brought the subject up of upgrading in a thread. She had gotten flamed to the ground for being ungrateful and materialistic. Many members chimed in saying that they would wear the crappiest, ugliest rings for life because it's what is represented as their engagement ring. Any other rings wouldn't be a "real" engagement ring, but just another reason to hide the real one.
But ... if I understood correctly, she bought the OECs with money she earned, and wanted to get the 3 ct stone with money she would earn in the future.
And that's ASIDE from the issues that arise once you start quantifying the value a stay-at-home spouse brings to the marriage: I actually have some major issues with that division within a marriage, because, wow, way to discourage anybody, of either gender, regardless of qualifications, from EVER wanting to stay home with kids, and way to devalue the invisible labor that women are still inordinately responsible for.
As for the other forum ... no comment. I find there's a lot of dislike for anything coded female in most of our society. Never seen it as a reason to give the individual manifestations a pass.