Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chime in

[MyDiamondSparkles]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Oh, MyDiamondSparkles- I love that story!!! Give your DH a big ole hug from me - what a sweet thing to say to you!! How romantic of him!

I know! I am really blessed to have him. Now I've been on the hunt for the perfect setting and have come up with nothing in my city--which is disappointing and he can see that. So last Wednesday he says "Let's go to NYC for a long weekend and find a setting!". Of course I am thinking of all the reason we shouldn't go--housework, laundry, errands, appointments, dog needs a bath etc--but I said "Ya!, Let's go!". I ran him all over NYC from Thursday thru Monday! I must have tried on 100 settings. He's such a great guy. Ohhhhh, and get this...on his own, I did not say one word to him....he asked me if he could re-propose when I got my setting. I totally gushed!

Now onto the topic at hand--I never think about who controls the cash at our house. I've been a SAHM as well as worked outside the home--both are equally hard jobs I can tell you that. I guess I have always thought of it as our money. Now I will say my husband is a true financial genius--he seriously has some kind of gift with numbers and investments and stuff like that. I know our financial situation would be no where as good if I were running the show, so I am happy to let him do that. All major purchases are discussed between the two of us. If my husband tells me we'll have to wait to make a purchase I believe that to be true because I know he would give me anything my heart desires if he could afford it.

I do know that a lot of couples fight about money. It's nothing new and it doesn't matter how much money you have or how much you don't have. Again, I'm blessed to have avoided these types of arguments by always trusting my dh to run the show--read on as I know this would not work for everyone. I suck at math--I swear I am some kind of dyslexic and I have never been able to correctly balance a checkbook. Go figure--seriously! Dh loves math--so for our marriage this kind of set up with him running the show and me adding a bit of opinion here and there works. I think marrying someone with the same financial goals and the same types of understanding about how money is or is not spent helps a lot.

Trust me on this: it is not the major purchases that are a killer to your bank account. It's the nickle and dime every day purchases--like a $4.50 Starbucks in the morning, plus $15 at lunch that add up to be a whole 'lotta expense and nothing to show for it. So if you think that a conventional bank loan for say your home mortgage (most people's largest purchase) is 25% of your monthly income, what is the other 75% being spent on?????

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Oh hay, you're in Pas? I just moved out of Pas a few months ago to SG! Hi neighbor!

Hey! My SIL is in SG so we're there all the time.

(+ForteKitty)

I don't know why, but it always surprises me how many of us are in Los Angeles County! (Wish I could make it to the upcoming GTG...)



Congrats to all the (persistent, doggedly-determined) new 3 caraters here-- it's so cool to see when people's long-standing goals finally come to fruition!

 

[anne_h]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Well, my story is I did not need to do any asking or convincing. When we originally got engaged, DH already knew about my love of diamonds and jewelry in general, and I had already discovered the concept of 'trade-ins' (had never heard of it prior to e-ring diamond shopping) so from the beginning we both knew an upgrade could be an option (we purchased from a vendor with such a policy). But we went in not knowing if any upgrade would ever be desired, or financially sensible.

We both work, earn solid salaries, and we keep our money separate (yes, even with kids). DH always said if a certain stock pick of his paid off, he'd cash out and give me a certain amount towards a major jewelry purchase or upgrade. So 7 years later, the stock paid off, he sold some, and ended up generously giving me over double the original promised budget. I was thrilled! He was pleased to be able to do that for me, I never had to ask, and didn't really even expect the stock to pay off anyways. So it was good feelings all around.

It is worth noting that I do own a lot of other jewelry, and everything else I have purchased myself. So I like have that one special piece from him, and all the other nice pieces I earned on my own.

Anne

 

[aljdewey]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Ok, in the last 5 months or so there have been PSers who have purchased their "the one" stone. First it was Mara, then Dreamer_D, then armywife13 and now ForteKitty (sorry if I missed anyone...I can't keep up anymore!!). I'd like to know how you convinced your DH in making this big purchase.

I'm a stay at home mom and obviously money will be tight but I will eventually go back to work (hopefully in 3 years) and start my diamond 'hobby'. However, DH doesn't see it that way. Like ForteKitty mentioned in her recent post, I'm very frugal. I do my own mani/pedi. I don't go to the salon very often. I do my own facials and other stuff to take care of myself. I don't have a gym membership (I run around the Rose Bowl). I try to save as much as I can. I recently spluged on myself (I temporarily worked part time this year) by purchasing some nice small OECs from Pre-Loved. But DH didn't appreciate it.

Is there some sort of a "boot camp" thread in this forum that I'm just not aware of? If not, I think it would be a good idea .

Please note that the PSers you have mentioned have been here a long time. They have had YEARS to brainwash their DH/SO's.

And obviously you are not familiar with Mara, hehehe...there is no such thing as her "the one" stone. I'm in line for this one when it gets punted!

Um.......I don't think so.......I had that baby at "will you ship it to me?"

 

[mrs jam]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

I think that every person has his or her own luxury item that makes the heart go pitter-patter. Whether it's jewelry, handbags, cars, boats, vacation homes, technological gadgets, etc. My husband and I are very supportive of each other's wish lists, so the cost of our hearts' desires has never been an issue. BUT we don't have any kiddos, so that makes this much easier. We also don't have insatiable spending appetites; our wish lists are very short. Neither one of us are spendthrifts, and we definitely appreciate quality over quantity. That whole "Buy the best and cry once; buy cheap and cry forever" mindset.

What works for us is taking turns as far as deciding who gets what and when. Right now, we're putting money away for my diamond upgrade. I have my little black heart set on a 2.75 - 3 ct. Tiffany Bezet solitaire, and my husband is intent on me having my dream ring. After this purchase, we'll sock our fun money away for the insanely expensive speaker system that is on his bucket list. It's really surprising how quickly the savings grows when two people are contributing to it. Plus, the joint effort makes the purchase more fun and meaningful for both, IMO. After those two buys, I think we'll both be content for a very long time!

 

[Haven]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Basically, DH does not care what I do with respect to diamonds. He trusts me. I also manage all our finances and money so if I tell him we can afford it, he believes me. Maybe it helps that I work and bring money into the household. I don't know. But he has never been controlling about how I spend money. It would piss me off if he tried to control how I spent my/our discretionary money. I guess the dynamic in our house is that we are equals. So no convincing involved.

This is how it works in our house, too. Every single part.

We're both on the same page as far as spending is concerned, and when one of us really wants something we never have to convince the other that it is a worthwhile expense (as long as we can afford it.)

 

[Mara]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Well, my 'upgrade' was a long time coming and I've upgraded a few times before this so my DH knows what to expect. I had my original ring a short time, less than a year maybe before I got my next one. I am just not a sentimental person when it comes to jewelry really and never have been which makes that easy for me mentally. He will be sentimental if left to his own causes so I do have to combat against that mentally. I think for me, what makes things possible is as others have also mentioned, if he knows that I'm paying less than I should or if I sold other things to make the $$ or something then it's easier to justify. When I talked to him about this recent 3.33..I started with, if I could trade my stone in or sell it and get an OEC of larger size for no extra money, what would you think? He knows I have always wanted a larger stone and he knows about my recent rekindled love of OEC's and how I have always loved diamond history (years ago I thought it would have been cool if someone started a DB of stones/diamonds and people could register their stone so that let's say a stone was in the same condition (not recut) 50 or 100 years later, you could see ownership and history like a house, I thought this would be so cool!).

He was not totally on board with the idea as he was sentimental towards my 2.32 after me having it for so long and also it really was my holy grail of MRB in many ways and he knew that it was a special stone. But I told him well just think about it, we kept talking about it, and then when I had some options we looked at them. He still was not 1000% on board this time (in the past he always was), but he also knows that once I have an idea I'm like a dog with a bone and won't relinquish til I get whatever I want haha, so sometimes he just has to give in or he'll know no peace!

I would say though that this also comes from years of me being interested in jewelry, buying and selling pieces here and there and he knows that I know my stuff and that I won't overpay for anything, I know what I like, I'm confident about gems, etc. I think it's different if you just up and say 'hey I want to upgrade to this giant stone' out of the blue. So if you really want to know what I'd do, I'd keep buying small pieces here and there, and laying the groundwork with him so that he's more used to you buying things. And start talking about your eventual plans so that he's more used to it. For my hub it can take a really long time for a seed dropped to grow to fruition with him, so I water often. It also helps IMO if you have your own income and you set some aside and tell him what it's for, maybe when you do go back to work you can have a jewelry fund. I buy a lot of things on my own without consulting him, in fact most of my collection is like that. But when it comes to the 'big' things like the e-ring... that's where I feel like it's respectful to include him and make sure he's ok with it since that was his original thing.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Re: Ladies who recently got their 3ct+ babies....please chim

Trust me on this: it is not the major purchases that are a killer to your bank account. It's the nickle and dime every day purchases--like a $4.50 Starbucks in the morning, plus $15 at lunch that add up to be a whole 'lotta expense and nothing to show for it. So if you think that a conventional bank loan for say your home mortgage (most people's largest purchase) is 25% of your monthly income, what is the other 75% being spent on?????

This is so frigging true! We have had a big change in our expenses with our second child starting daycare three months ago -- when I went back to work full time again. That extra $1000 a month meant ends were not meeting as they should. I did a major spread sheet marathon and discovered exactly what you say: We were nickle and diming too much. Its sad to give up my People magazines (for example) but its amazing what that can save. Shocking actually. I am thinking of all the fun things we could have done and sparklies I could have had if we have made this change months or years ago