Ladies waiting for proposal by Year end..

[janinegirly]

dixie~you are so not alone! the anxiety is overwhelming sometimes and at other times it subsides. I think the key thing to remember is that we are not CRAZY by any means. Our bf''s have made us wait longer than they probably should have (but of course we wanted them to do it on their own terms, so we were patient) so it only makes sense that the perpetual waiting takes its toll from time to time. Especially with the holidays and other friends getting engaged/married. If anything, we are incredibly patient! Guys just don''t get this. My bf has told me he''s the one who has it hard with the planning and expectations but to me, he just has NO idea the emotional toll it takes just waiting and not knowing (my bf is very tightlipped on details..I know he''s doing something, but that''s all I know).
Having said that, there''s nothing wrong with you checking in with your bf from time to time...which it sounds like you haven''t done that for a while. Not a nagging conversation, but just an open one (you don''t even have to say the word ring, engagement or marriage). There''s nothing wrong with needing a little reassurance. And sometimes if guys don''t get a little nudge they assume the status quo is fine, because guys tend to take things at face value! So it''s a balance of giving them space, but also not letting them forget, because c''mon, we can''t wait forever and this isn''t fun!!!!!
I don''t know about others but I didn''t enjoy introducing my bf as my "boyfriend" at Thanksgiving....all my younger cousins were doing that and I feel like we are past that! Please may our waits not be much longer!!!

 

[therighttime]

Welcome to the year-end hopefuls, Missladiva! I think a New Year''s Eve proposal would be so romantic. Good luck and enjoy the wait!

 

[janinegirly]

"year-end" hopefuls..I love it!
I don''t know if I can wait till year end...it seems too long to wait! I guess I''ll have to deal. I was so hoping for T''giving and have already had a friend ask me if there was any "news" and my heart just sunk.

We''re going away for the wkend next wkend...so maybe? Unfortunately I think NO since I did a lot of the bookings and I don''t see how he''d smuggle a ring through check in and all that. Plus I have no signs that he''s even asked my parents. Sighh...I''m trying to be patient but it''s all just bubbling below the surface!

 

[therighttime]

I can''t believe none of Year End Hopefuls got a thanksgiving proposal! ugh! Are they all waiting on Christmas?? What if NONE of our boys propose at Christmas and we are all left together waiting until New Year''s Eve?? Do you think we will be able to stand it during that last week of the year???

*32 days left in 2006*

 

[janinegirly]

yea, maybe guys don't think thanksgiving is such a good time to propose afterall (seeing how we got zero proposal announcements here over the wkend). I thought it would have been a great opporutnity: 4 day wkend, nice weather this year, seeing family. But nooooo.
Watch our guys propose on some random day like Jan 3rd..at that point some of us may be certifiable from all the internal angst and waiting!

 

[therighttime]

~~It''s December!! Everyone check in now and let us know how you are doing~~

Any updates, thoughts, vents?

Unfortunately, nothing new here. I do still hope and think it will be before the end of the year, but this is only based on what he told me several months ago. I don''t have anything new to go on! I''ve been busy with work and the holiday activities are picking up so maybe I can keep my mind off the wait.

Good luck to everyone, and please check in!

**23 e-ring shopping days left until Christmas**

 

[tdiddy]

well...nothing yet.

but, we are leaving tomorrow morning for las vegas on the last minute trip he sprang on me the day after he asked my dad''s permission. so i am very hopeful that this is it.

hopefully when i get back wednesday i will be posting some VERY good news.

 

[DMBsGirl]

Don''t think my year end hopes are going to come true. Had a huge fight yesterday because one of his family members asked when he was getting married and I didn''t like how he reacted to that comment. He reacted in typical guy fashion pretending like marriage was something he didn''t want. I called him out on this(in private) and told him I take it personally when he reacts that way around others. Makes me feel like the thought of marrying me is so negative. So then he blamed me for caring too much about what others think and said that he reacts that way because he feels pressured. He called me impatient and said I''m always used to getting what I want when I want it. He said I''m going to ruin the element of surprise when it does happen because it''s all I talk about. He brought up the money issue and reminded me he just bought an apartment. I tried to have him understand MY point of view and how hard this whole thing is for women but he just kept saying I don''t care about his feelings. Whatever, I''m annoyed, don''t even want it anymore!

 

[lovebug]

Oh DMBsgirl I know how you feel! I have been waiting almost 8 years myself (about 2 of which I have been expecting a proposal) and it is making my life miserable! I think about it all the time and I try not to bring it up every second, but it is so difficult. Although I know that we are in a great relationship, I feel like crap having to say "my boyfriend" instead of "fiance". I feel like a 12 year old with a crush, not an adult ready and waiting to get married!

I just wanted to put something in here -- does it DRIVE YOU CRAZY when people constantly ask you "when are you getting engaged?" ? I can't stand it!!! We obviously have little control over the issue! It is so annoying and embarrassing. I don't know what they expect us to say! it is so annoying having to defend my relationship to everyone else.

Just wanted to vent on that issue. I assume everyone here is dealing with the same issues!

Best of luck to everyone over the holidays. Hope there are a lot of new engagment announcements in the new year!

 

[Maria D]

Date: 12/2/2006 11:35:17 PM
Author: lovebug
I just wanted to put something in here -- does it DRIVE YOU CRAZY when people constantly ask you ''when are you getting engaged?'' ? I can''t stand it!!! We obviously have little control over the issue! It is so annoying and embarrassing. I don''t know what they expect us to say! it is so annoying having to defend my relationship to everyone else.

In explanation of people who ask this question of the women: believe it or not, not everyone thinks of the engagement decision as being completely up to the man. For many couples, it''s a mutual decision. So sometimes when someone asks "when are you getting engaged" of a woman who has been dating (sometimes living with) a man for years, they may think you KNOW the answer because you are both planning it together.

But I agree that it''s a tacky question! It''s like asking "when are you going to have kids." (These same people will probably ask that too.)

 

[DMBsGirl]

lovebug~
the questions I usually get are "when is HE going to propose?", "What is he waiting for?" They are very annoying questions indeed! I usually answer the first question by saying that he wants to but that money is an issue at the present moment because he bought an apartment. To the second question I usually just shrug my shoulders, the second one is the worst, because I feel like people must think that there''s something wrong with ME and that''s why he hasn''t asked yet. (my boyfriend would say this is me caring too much what people think again!) When both of us get the question "When r u getting married?," I usually laugh and shrug my shoulders and let him answer (It''s usually a "woa....easy!" answer

)
We talked after the argument yesterday and he assured me that he has a "plan" but that I just need to LET it happen or it will not be special or a surprise. This still drives me nuts because his "plan" could be to wait until our 10 yr anniversary for all I know! lol

(for those who dont know we have been together 8 yrs, met when we were 18, we''re now 26) I guess I will just have to continue to bite my tongue around him, vent on here and hope that I am not an eternal lady in waiting!

 

[Maria D]

When someone asks "what is he waiting for" how about answering -- ''I guess he''s waiting until he''s sure I''ll say yes.'' If they then press on with how can you not be sure, say something vague like ''um, who knows what the future will bring, hey did I tell you about my great > and start bragging about yourself. People who are bugging you with questions like that are trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Don''t fall for it!

 

[jaz464]

Date: 12/3/2006 11:41:37 AM
Author: DMBsGirl
lovebug~
the questions I usually get are 'when is HE going to propose?', 'What is he waiting for?' They are very annoying questions indeed! I usually answer the first question by saying that he wants to but that money is an issue at the present moment because he bought an apartment. To the second question I usually just shrug my shoulders, the second one is the worst, because I feel like people must think that there's something wrong with ME and that's why he hasn't asked yet. (my boyfriend would say this is me caring too much what people think again!) When both of us get the question 'When r u getting married?,' I usually laugh and shrug my shoulders and let him answer (It's usually a 'woa....easy!' answer

)
We talked after the argument yesterday and he assured me that he has a 'plan' but that I just need to LET it happen or it will not be special or a surprise. This still drives me nuts because his 'plan' could be to wait until our 10 yr anniversary for all I know! lol

(for those who dont know we have been together 8 yrs, met when we were 18, we're now 26) I guess I will just have to continue to bite my tongue around him, vent on here and hope that I am not an eternal lady in waiting!

DMBsgirl, I certainly would not feel it necessary to explain to others that "money is an issue" and that is why there is not proposal. If someone asks "When is he going to propose?" I would say, 'I don't know, it's going to be a surprise'

 

[Julian]

Sometimes when people ask, "When are you two planning on getting engaged?" I would take it to mean they think both parties have a say in it. Still, I don''t think people should ask these types of questions. If the querant is 70+, it''s OK because they probably wouldn''t know any better. But anyone else who asks this is gauche in my opinion.

It''s like asking someone if she''s pregnant without being sure about it. Maybe she''s overweight. I mean, sensitive issues like having children, getting married & etc. are off limits in polite conversation. Why oh why do people insist on asking these personal questions? I had to rescue a poor girl at a recent wedding who was being bombarded by these type questions.

I like the Maid in Manhattan response: Can you keep a secret?
Good. So can I! Then smile and wink.

 

[Mandarine]

Before I would say "I don't know, he wants it to be a surprise but I promise to let you know as soon as it happens!"...now I say "soon" and just give a smile...

It's annoying and I don't really think people (at least most people) mean it in a bad way...my mom is by far the worst offender when it comes to these type of questions!

My BF just told me our skiing trip will be sometime in February...he then went on to say we will spend Valentine's day there and how it will be so romatic....so really, I have no idea now....Dec 31st? Valentine's Day?....I think it's neither and he will just do it on a completely random day!

Something weird happened this weekend though....we were at the mall and walked past a Jewlery store and I said "how will you know what ring size I am if you have never asked me?"...and he just looked at me and said "you're crazy and so silly...the things that go through your head! that is just a silly question to ask!". I said why, but by this point he actually seemed annoyed that I asked (not sure why) and just said that rings could get re-sized...so then we just changed the topic. It's just silly though...we both know it's coming...why not even ask what ring size I am instead of having to go through re-sizing later?. He's just SO traditional when it comes to these things...but takes it to a extreme!

But anyway...when will it happen??? Soon, soon, soon...I can feel it!...he's so romatic and mushy lately and he's really not much like that normally

Today are the elections in my country (Venezuela)....it's so nerve wracking! (because of our current political situation and clown...I mean, President, we have right now ])

M~

ETA: Sorry, not even related, but since I mentioned the elections before...it looks like Chavez has "won"....this stinks fraud SO BAD! I actually feel like throwing up. This is just crazy...just like in Cuba...how many elections did Fidel have where he always won with crazy high numbers??? but the multitudes on the street showed something else. They have this clown winning with 60%...it just DOESN'T ADD UP!

. I'm so mad...and there is just nothing you can do. He's actually singing and talking right now on TV...he really is making me want to throw up right ON the TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[therighttime]

DMB''s girl... oh I get asked all the time when we are getting married. I think people automatically start asking that when people over a certain age have been dating over a certain amount of time! I usually just say, " I don''t know." But then, like in your situation, people resond with "what is he waiting on." Why do they automatically assume it''s him??? How come they don''t assume he has asked me 10 times and I have turned him down? Do I have LIW branded across my forehead??

 

[lovebug]

i know that they don''t mean it to be rude, but it just is! My mom is a terrible offender as well. i guess we should all get used to it because after the wedding (whenever it happens!) all the questions are going to be "when are you two having a baby?". People are just so nosy and don''t know what to say to us.

i am really getting frustrated with all this waiting! it sucks! i mentioned in another post, but about a month ago I found a new bottle of jewelry cleaner in his briefcase. he just HAS to have the ring or else why would he have that, right?!?!? i haven''t said anything to him because i don''t want to ruin the surprise, but it is just about killing me and making me moody and crazy! i always thought i was a patient person, but i guess i was wrong!

i am hoping for a proposal soon...we are going to see my family on the 15th and his parents are going to be there as well. i hope it happens before then! i will keep everyone posted.

thanks again everyone for letting all of us vent!

 

[janinegirly]

hey mandarine, so I just wanted to chime in and reassure you that you have nothing to worry about. for some reason I feel like I understand your bf''s actions....I think he''s been diligently working on your ring and therefore when you ask him these questions (like how will he know your size) he gets exacerbated b/c it''s so obvious to him b/c he''s been working on this and probably past that stage. And of course it''s true you can have the ring re-sized, even a different setting (since the stone is where all the value is anyway..just learned this!).
I know my bf told me what picking a ring out involved (if he goes the stone, individualized setting route) and he did say my probing questions didn''t help! Apparently one day my bf had had a particlarly trying day with the jeweler (you gotta negotiate with these diamond dealers in the diamond district and stick by your guns to get the perfect ring at the perfect price) and once he got home I was asking all these questiosn and going through my crazy phase! Of course I know what I was going through at the time and have no regrets, but I see the other side better now. So hang in there...it''s soon for you!!

 

[Mandarine]

Maybe so Janine!....hopefully the wait won''t be much longer...I''m so busy though that I think time will fly!

Today I''m flying out on a business trip and won''t be back until Thursday...and the Friday after that I leve to go see my family (we''re going to Costa Rica) and before I know it I will be back here for New Year''s....

When I''m with my family time really does fly and I''m so excited to see my nephews!!!

I hope he doesn''t wait until our sky trip, but he might...he loves the mountains so he might think it''s perfect!...

I can''t wait to see your pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M~

 

[akw94]

It''s funny how I rarely get those questions about getting engaged. Now I''m sort of wondering why not?? Maybe b/c I don''t really give off the impression that I''m very talkative, who knows. Anyway, if someone asked me what he was waiting for, I''d probably say, "Why don''t you ask him." Now if we were both together, I''m sure I''d just look at him and allow him to answer b/c I know that I''m not waiting on anything! Of course, he doesn''t give the impression of being very talkative either so I do think that''s why we don''t get many of those questions. Plus, my mom is pretty passive and wouldn''t think to put him on the spot like that.

Mandarine, a romantic skiing trip does sound fun!! Not that I want him to wait until Feb. but I could see how he would think that''s a "perfect" time, especially since you two are so busy this month. I am sorry it hasn''t happened yet. I''m sorry for me too.

Kind of sad, I know but that is how I feel. I think my bf will do it on a random day too. I just couldn''t see the holidays or some other sort of special day. He told me that he proposed to his first wife when they were just walking around somewhere outside, nothing pre-planned (if I remember correctly).
I wouldn''t worry too much about what happened this weekend. It actually sounds kind of like what Janine said, that he is already planning and has the ring size figured out (for his needs) and so that isn''t an issue for him. But I understand your frustration b/c I''ve wondered the same about my bf. He has asked in the past but I didn''t know the answer. So I wonder, has he somehow figured it out, is he not thinking about the ring yet, will he ask again, does he care or WHAT?!

Sorry to hear that Chavez won.

Unfortunately, there is little you can do. I feel the same about the situation here!

On a side note, here''s a question for you ladies. Last night, my bf sent me an email asking me if I had a holiday gift list. So I sent him back something saying that I really didn''t but if I was being truly honest, my #1 was to be engaged. I kept it short and only wrote a line or two about that and then put a couple other things as #''s 2-4. Do you think that was a mistake? That really is what I want but is that too pushy? What do you think?

 

[Mandarine]

haha Dixie...I actually have a similar list!. I don''t think it''s being pushy, I think it''s cute and it''s probably on their list too!

Me and my best friends have a forum were we talk (since we''re all spread out in the world!). Anyway, we have a "what do you wnat for 2007" thread and my number 1 was to get married...haha (well, first after health and happiness for my loved ones)

I was telling my BF about it and I told him my entire list (including number 1)...he thought it was cute and just laughed..hehe. Then I asked him what he wanted and his first (after hoping his loved ones are healthy and happy) was "to make my baby happy by taking care of her list" (or something like that)...

...hehe, how cute. Little things that brighten up my day!

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/4/2006 10:40:53 AM
Author: dixie94
It''s funny how I rarely get those questions about getting engaged. Now I''m sort of wondering why not?? Maybe b/c I don''t really give off the impression that I''m very talkative, who knows. Anyway, if someone asked me what he was waiting for, I''d probably say, ''Why don''t you ask him.'' Now if we were both together, I''m sure I''d just look at him and allow him to answer b/c I know that I''m not waiting on anything! Of course, he doesn''t give the impression of being very talkative either so I do think that''s why we don''t get many of those questions. Plus, my mom is pretty passive and wouldn''t think to put him on the spot like that.

Mandarine, a romantic skiing trip does sound fun!! Not that I want him to wait until Feb. but I could see how he would think that''s a ''perfect'' time, especially since you two are so busy this month. I am sorry it hasn''t happened yet. I''m sorry for me too.

Kind of sad, I know but that is how I feel. I think my bf will do it on a random day too. I just couldn''t see the holidays or some other sort of special day. He told me that he proposed to his first wife when they were just walking around somewhere outside, nothing pre-planned (if I remember correctly).
I wouldn''t worry too much about what happened this weekend. It actually sounds kind of like what Janine said, that he is already planning and has the ring size figured out (for his needs) and so that isn''t an issue for him. But I understand your frustration b/c I''ve wondered the same about my bf. He has asked in the past but I didn''t know the answer. So I wonder, has he somehow figured it out, is he not thinking about the ring yet, will he ask again, does he care or WHAT?!

Sorry to hear that Chavez won.

Unfortunately, there is little you can do. I feel the same about the situation here!

On a side note, here''s a question for you ladies. Last night, my bf sent me an email asking me if I had a holiday gift list. So I sent him back something saying that I really didn''t but if I was being truly honest, my #1 was to be engaged. I kept it short and only wrote a line or two about that and then put a couple other things as #''s 2-4. Do you think that was a mistake? That really is what I want but is that too pushy? What do you think?

Dixie, people didn''t ask me that question too often, and it was never rude or inquisitive when they did, it was only offhanded interest that could be glossed over because I didn''t think it was anyone''s business.

Mandarine, so sorry Chavez "won."

I don''t think there''s anything wrong with your email. People need to be able to ask for what they want (I''m not sure email is the best place to do so, but he opened himself up to it). You need to be engaged as you feel this is the next logical step in your relationship, there''s nothing wrong with that.

I hope all you ladies get the proposal you''re hoping for!

 

[akw94]

Thanks Mandarine and Kimberly! I feel a little better now. I was actually starting to worry.
Mandarine, that''s nice that your bf put that on his list too. When my bf gave me a list (I ask him b/c he is so darned hard to shop for and so that my mom and son have ideas), he put cds, dvds, etc.. on the list. Nothing sweet and mushy. Oh well... But honestly, I can''t imagine he would think he''d get that sort of straightfoward list from me. I really am not that straightforward.
Kimberly, I took it the way you did. He asked so why shouldn''t I be able to answer. I don''t think I would''ve had the guts to say that if he hadn''t of asked, so I''m glad that he did.

Back to work and thanks again!

 

[therighttime]

It''s 3 weeks till Christmas.... 4 weeks till New Year''s Day!!

I''m trying so hard to keep my mouth shut and not bring "it" up. But it''s so hard. We were talking about Christmas presents last night and I suggested that we just fill stockings for each other this year to save money. He always says he doesn''t need anything from me, that I''m all he wants or needs... ah, sweet. Then he told me that he didn''t want to get the stockings because he had a something already in mind to get me. Of course I thought RING.... then it bothered me because, uh, it will certainly fit in a stocking, right?? So now i''m assuming he is not getting me a ring but only didn''t want to do the stocking thing because I''m getting roomba or something equally unromantic.

 

[janinegirly]

that is sweet righttime, I''m really crossing my fingers for you! Have you seen any other hints? I was watching my bf like a hawk leading up to engagement and I def noticed some stuff, but at the time I was hesitant to believe. Maybe it''ll be Xmas for you and that''s only 20 days away..woo hoo!

 

[lovebug]

Ha ha! Too funny! I got a Roomba last Christmas! Very practical, but not romantic!
18 days until Christmas!
Seems like a great time of year for proposals seeing as there has been a lot of action with the other forum girls!
Good luck vibes to us all!

 

[janinegirly]

there has been alot of action...and i''m sure we''ll have a huge wave of proposals on xmas eve, xmas day, new year''s eve! my waiting angst/craziness meanwhile seems to have been replaced by wedding planning obsession. I have so much work but i''ve become overcome by this new obsession. you girls have a lot to look forward too, i''m excited for everyone and need you to come over to the BIW board soon b/c I don''t really know anyone there!

 

[therighttime]

Janine, I''m so glad you are so excited and starting your planning! Yippee!! Do you have any ideas about the wedding so far? Have you finished sharing your news with everyone?? I will just live vicariously through your joy for a while!

I saw your post earlier, and no, I have seen NO hints as to anything. He has mentioned a lot of nights that he wished he didn''t have to go home and could just always stay here with us and was glad it wouldn''t be long until he could... but still no small boxes under the tree or anything like that!

**18 days till Christmas Eve**
**25 days till New Years Eve**
**26** days until I am very sad

 

[janinegirly]

righttime, you''re so cute! and i think your bf must be working on something, that''s why he saying so many sweet things.
yes i pretty much told everyone except some friends who i don''t talk to regularly..i''ll get to those people eventually. i never thought planning would start this early (and i didn''t do any before, b/c...i just was waiting for proposal and couldn''t even think beyond anything else)..but so many people ask about the date, so i started looking around and next thing you know i''m sucked into it! it''s fun but too addictive! i''m sure it''ll get stressful soon.
we''re thinking a small wedding (like 80 ppl) in my town in NJ. Two places come to mind, one is a historic inn, the other is a grounds with fine dining. I''m leaning towards historic inn..i''d like to keep it simple yet classy.
have to figure out churches next..i had no idea how much $ you have to shell out for a church! And i''m catholic (but not religious) so there are all these requirements. we''re also thinking september...still so much to do though. I think once we have a date/booking, then it''s pretty relaxed for awhile.
keep me posted on your stuff and vent here anytime..as it gets closer, it gets harder to relax i know, but it''s worth it!

 

[Hopes]

I am newly registered on the forums (though I've been lurking about for a bit) and also waiting for a proposal by year's end. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years, and I've known him for 8 years. He's been wanting to marry me for a while, but I always said no, I'm not ready. These past few months, for the first time, I actually felt ready and sure that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that's the result of some growing up internally and some odd circumstances.

This time of the year is pretty special to me because my birthday is on Christmas, I met him on Christmas Eve 8 years ago, and we both always felt like it was fate that we met and fell in love so quickly and due to such random chance. The two years that we were apart, we were both pretty miserable, but that's a long story in itself. He's told me that he wants to propose to me by Christmas of this year, so I am waiting for it.

I hope that everyone else have their Christmas gift that they've been waiting for and wanting!