Ladies w/ large center stones, do you ever feel self conscious about your ring?

[brneyedgrl]

I am relatively new here, and I am writing this question because my fiance will be presenting me with two rings. One will feature a 4c solitaire. The diamond is a VVS2, and I don''t know the other specs because my fiance acquired it all on his own. I do know that he acquired it uncut, and he went through great lengths to have it cut since his diamond cutter friends did not want to touch it. They even offered to trade him "lesser" stones of equal size, but he refused. It will be reset in a setting very similar to this, except mine will have hand engraving:

http://www.washingtondiamond.com/StoreBox/3901/39-ru357.htm

Since I felt that this diamond is too big for every day wear (I''m not even 30 yet), and I tend to do volunteer work and don''t necessarily run in the most high profile of circles. He offered me a second engagement ring. This ring is also platinum, but small side stones, and the band will be similarly engraved to the first so that the styles blend). The center stone has these specs (GIA certified):

Round Brilliant
1.21 carat
Depth 61%
Table 56%
Girdle, thin, faceted
Culet None
Polish Excellent
Symmetry Excellent

Clarity Grade VS2
Color Grade G
Fourescence None

I don''t yet have the rings in my possession, but for those of you with larger stones, (yes I know large is relative, especially around here), do you ever feel self conscious about your ring? I have a friend who has a 2.5 ct. center stone, and people are always asking her about it. I will admire someone''s ring and compliment them on it, and I will drop it and say no more. I know that some people feel uneasy about the attention. I know that I will wear my larger rock for dressing up or for certain events, and I guess I will have to see how I feel about it once I actually get it in my possession and on my hot hand. I won''t take the larger diamond when we travel. Any comments? Good or bad. The larger stone is beautiful, but I could see how it could be mistaken for costume jewelry since it is rather big. However, I know that I''m going to get a lot of wear out of my more traditional "smaller" engagement ring as well.

 

[diamondfan]

What shape is the larger of the two? (not that it matters, just curious!) I found that it can be hard when you wear a large stone in certain settings. I am 40, but look a bit younger. I dress hip when I am running around (juicy sweats etc) but I always have designer bag, nice shoes, nice watch, etc. I do have occasions to dress up for luncheons and charity things. I have a large emerald cut and an eternity band of all emerald cuts. This ring is my second upgrade. I often got compliments on the first upgrade which was beautiful. Now, people will grab my hand, make comments (ask how big it is etc) and then say things like, "I would never want to have something that large. What is the point? Aren''t you afraid to wear it?" What is one supposed to say to that? I think, good thing it is mine then! To each his own, my love of nice things is not what defines me, but other people make judgements unfairly based on the exterior Keep in mind I live in a very affluent area and there are many wealthy women here, all have multiple Hermes bags, go out in Chanel jackets all the time, etc...but they are a lot older than I am. I have seen a few rings that dwarf mine but the women are in their 60''s and it is often a second husband. I think it is smart to see how you feel. You do not want to draw attention to bling if you are volunteering etc. I also do not travel with my stuff, I have a small eternity band and a plain band, and I leave most of the other stuff at home. Better safe than sorry. Wait to see how you feel. I think, you might get more comfortable with the larger stone as time passes. Later, as you get olders, you will be thrilled to have it. Even if you wear the smaller one more now, you know the other one is there. I bet in a few years, shrinkage will set in and you will not think the large one is so big anymore!!!

 

[brneyedgrl]

I forgot, the larger stone is a round brilliant. I will post pics when I get it, I promise. I am excited to see how it turns out, as well is the smaller stone. I actually really like the sparkle of the smaller stone, and I feel that it will be more like the rings of my peers. I also live in a relatively affluent area, but I am so low key. I do have nice purses, but I don''t wear logo purses or clothes that scream "designer." However, I think that I try to look presentable. Obviously when I wear the larger stone, I will dress up a bit more and look more pulled together.

My friend who has a larger stone, at least in my circles, even gets questions on her ring from grocery store checkers. I have witnessed it happen. Her usual response is that her husband works hard. She never explains any more than that.

Maybe for southern California, larger stones are more common, but I''m not always here, and I also am adventurous and venture into other areas.

 

[diamondfan]

I just think you have to see how you feel. If you have both, you have an amazing ability to pick and chose what is appropriate when. Sometimes I do feel stupid in sweats and sneakers and my ring but I love it so I enjoy it. I also have had random people notice and comment, to which I usually say, "Yes, I lucky, aren''t I...I enjoy it so much!" (or if I am feeling snarky, I say it is payment for 15 years of my mother in law!!!) I am sure they will both be so lovely, and aren''t you lucky you can have your cake and eat it too so to speak!!!

 

[mrssalvo]

you can find a great thread about feeling guilty about your ring here

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I always wear at least one healthy ring on each hand and don''t feel self-conscious at all.

 

[icekid]

I hope to have this problem someday

 

[brneyedgrl]

MrsSalvo, thank you for posting that link. It gave me a great perspective. I think that I will just have to wait and see. I do feel very fortunate to be on the receiving end of those rings.

 

[Lorelei]

I honestly think you will be fine! I have an over 3 ct round and as I live in jeans and Barbour jackets and boots, probably most don''t think it could possibly be real anyway

It is amazing how the eye adjusts to the larger diamonds and your 4 ct will probably look HUGE to you to begin with, but after a while will look just right! That is a great idea having the 2 rings so according to your feelings of what is most apt at the time you can cop and change, or if you are in a blingier mood! What a nice dilemma! But no I don''t ever feel self conscious about my ring, it is my joy and luxury and I don''t tend to worry about what others may think.

 

[lizz]

I''m posting a pic of the setting of your larger diamond, brwneyed.

This is a good question. I just downgraded from a 1.58 ct. emerald cut last weekend to a 1.08 cushion. But it has a halo, and due to the cut, sparkle, and halo, looks a lot bigger than my other ring. My co-worker commented on it (I never show anyone I work with or brag when I get a new piece of jewelry) and asked if it was real. I said it was, but then felt I should explain, so I told her I had traded in my other one.

I just went to a conference for work the last two days, and my ring looked very obviously large. My supervisor and other co-worker I attended with kept staring at it, and it was making me embarrassed like it was TOO large. I work with low-income people with mental illness, so you can see how my ring may be inappropriate in my line of work. But I love it and will wear it regardless. I have considered maybe just wearing my cheap eternity band and not my e-ring all the time, though.

 

[dbgaap]

I''m a little like lizz in that my stone is way smaller than 4c and, yes, I feel embaressed by my 1 carat sometimes.

(proving that adage that "everything is relative")

I live in Wash DC, and work in a multi-national environment with professionals from around the world: several Germans, several Indians, 3 Australians, a Turk, a Peruvain, a Venezualan, a guy from Singapore.... you get the picture.

They are all very well-to-do and none of them wear diamonds like we Americans wear.

We get along really well and, one day, a group of us talked about the whole big diamond engagement ring thing. The foreigns were explaining to me and another American how they get weddign bands for the meaning, not the status of a big diamond. My American co-worker and I made light of it and said, "Well in America, we get big diamonds! And we like ''em!"

It''s one of the reasons I upgraded recently in quality only, not size. Like it or not, I am affected by the opinions of those around me and, for now, I don''t feel like fielding the stares and comments.

AND I wholeheartedly agree with dioamondfan''s comment about as you get older.
I think a huge rock looks GREAT on wrinkly old handss! I am already plannung to wear bigger and bigger diamonds as I get older. It''s the perogative of the aging bombshell!

(big rocks are lovely on alll ages.... but I need to justify my own particular situation!)
It was pure genius for you to get 2 rings so you don''t have to feel "burdened'' by the 4c when it is not the right time or place.

enjoy!!!!

 

[Scooba]

I will be waering a stone almost 3.5 carats in a couple of days (hopefully) and I just turned 23! i think there will be times when I feel weird about it, but I also love it, I love the size, and I am so exicited for the ring and the engagement that now that i have been thinking about it I feel like if anyone is gonna make me feel weird about it the f-them, they are either jealous or just rude people to make someone feel like that. If I had the opportunity to wear a 4 carat (which I was originally looking at but then got my budget cut a little) I would wear it proudly, you may get some unwanted attention andf reactions but hopefully they will die off. I''m am kinda like diamondfan, I run around in my head-to-toe pink Juicy sweats, huge Dior sunglasses, and Louis handbag, and I get some werid attentnion about it, but I love it, it''s my favorite stuff and I''m not gonna stop wearing it!!

 

[Mara]

LOL icekid your post made me laugh!!!

 

[Diam100]

Well I''ve got the opposite problem!

I just got told today at brunch that I "cheaped out" on a 2.57ct F VS2. I honestly spit out half my coffee but I had to remember I was with the "Boulder Crew" this morning...

 

[blodthecat]

There is no point in having something, if you don''t wear it and enjoy it!

As long as you have adequate insurance...I would enjoy every second of wearing it!!

Enjoy it in good health...and forget about what other people think!

I can''t wait to see some hand shots!!!!!!

 

[4bugzinarug]

Wear it and enjoy! We just upgraded my stone to a one carat ....where we live, having this size of a stone is a bit more uncommon ... most have 1/2 or well under. I actually worried a bit that I would look more out of place than I alreay do ... but in the end, my husband wanted to do this for me and that was more important than what *anyone* thinks! If anything, many have commented on how beautiful the stone is. No negative comments so far, and I pity the fool that makes one

BTW, here I was wondering what "juicy sweats" were, thinking it didn''t sound like a good thing. What did we do before Google? The closest mall is 3 hours away, so call me clueless, LOL!

"Hi, my name is Jen, I live under a rock"

 

[midgirl]

Mine isn''t "large" but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my ring. In my circle of friends, most are still in grad school, it is a little big but it won''t be when my FH is a lawyer.

I would wear any size PROUDLY! Maybe I would feel weird about a 3-5 c center stone just because no one i know, at the moment, has something like that.

The biggest of my friends is 2.3 so big but not THE BIGGEST!

 

[decodelighted]

Hey Brwneyedgirl ... how lucky!! 2 erings!! Your earlier post & this one made me curious ... why wouldn''t your future fiance''s diamond cutting friends touch the big rock? Did they think it shouldn''t be cut - just kept for investment?? Or were they afraid to?? CURIOUS MINDS wanna know!

I think it''s so awesome you worked out the big ring/ smaller ring deal! I think if I had a big honker like that I''d probably just wear an eternity wedding band most of the time (unless I was a celeb & had a bodyguard!!)

Congrats!

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 4/22/2006 1:32:08 PM
Author: Diam100
Well I''ve got the opposite problem!

I just got told today at brunch that I ''cheaped out'' on a 2.57ct F VS2. I honestly spit out half my coffee but I had to remember I was with the ''Boulder Crew'' this morning...

You have got to be kidding me??!!

I hope nobody will ever say that to me - I only have a 1 carat. I would spit out my coffee too! Most people would be THRILLED to have a 2.57 as I am sure that you are!

May I ask, what kind of careers do the "boulder crew" (or their husbands) have? What age range are they?

 

[diamondfan]

I think there are a lot of factors..

1. Do you love big stuff or no? If not, only wear what you love. I have friends who are very comfortable financially but do not like jewels (?!) but are into art, antiques, etc. If you love something, and can have it, do!!! But, know it is fine to decide that for work or whatever, it is not comfortable for you and leave it home.

2. I told my dh at time of second upgrade that I wanted to wear the rock while I was not covered in liver spots (though it would distract from them, maybe!). Life is short. If you can have something and it gives you joy, go for it. My mother in law would flip if she knew what I pay for stuff, Chanel shoes, bags sunglasses, Juicy etc...but it is not up to her and if I can have it, it is my choice with my dh.

3. Above all, material stuff does not define you. That is not all you are about. People who get to know you will know this!

You are lucky and should feel lucky you have the option. I know when I am going to certain places, I wear a simple band. But, I do love and enjoy my ring!

 

[esalyi]

I dont know if thats something to worry about! Be happy that you get to have one ring let alone two- although I dont really see why you need two but whatever- yes I know everyone is entitled to spend their money on whatever but I mean I dont care how much money you make its still ridiculous.

That being said I dont think that your larger ring in that classic setting would look out of place in most settings. I wear my diamonds with more work appropriate outfits ( I work at a fashion magazine so I guess stylish chic?) but with more casual outfits I just wear a plain Tiffany platinum band or when I am going to do outdoorsy type things.....

and just a side note- the outfits you are describing "juicy sweats and logo bags and sunglasses"??? you would never see someone in the fashion world wear that in public- head to toe logos screaming everywhere does not look chic it looks very cheap. Find your own style not Paris Hilton''s. Sorry but this just offends me on a stylistic level. ugh...

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/23/2006 12:29:15 AM
Author: esalyi
and just a side note- the outfits you are describing ''juicy sweats and logo bags and sunglasses''??? you would never see someone in the fashion world wear that in public- head to toe logos screaming everywhere does not look chic it looks very cheap. Find your own style not Paris Hilton''s. Sorry but this just offends me on a stylistic level. ugh...

FYI -- the original poster did not describe wearing such an outfit ... and the gal that did a little later in this thread is 23 ... slack cutting ever occur to ya?

I once worked at the "top" fashion magazine but I think it''s fair to say that no one here was looking for "fashion advice" -- or they might have started a thread titled, oh, something like "Magazine Worker Bees Please Help Me Be Like You!"

 

[windowshopper]

Date: 4/23/2006 12:29:15 AM
Author: esalyi
I dont know if thats something to worry about! Be happy that you get to have one ring let alone two- although I dont really see why you need two but whatever- yes I know everyone is entitled to spend their money on whatever but I mean I dont care how much money you make its still ridiculous.

That being said I dont think that your larger ring in that classic setting would look out of place in most settings. I wear my diamonds with more work appropriate outfits ( I work at a fashion magazine so I guess stylish chic?) but with more casual outfits I just wear a plain Tiffany platinum band or when I am going to do outdoorsy type things.....

and just a side note- the outfits you are describing 'juicy sweats and logo bags and sunglasses'??? you would never see someone in the fashion world wear that in public- head to toe logos screaming everywhere does not look chic it looks very cheap. Find your own style not Paris Hilton's. Sorry but this just offends me on a stylistic level. ugh...

Interesting reply by esalyi--i must say my stomach was doing flip flops reading the revolting posts about "juicy" sweats and louis bags etc...............proving that money doesnt buy class. the size of your ring will never matter. how you carry yourself as a human being, treat people around you, smile at someone who smiles at you.... Remind yourself that stuff is just stuff and that people dont respect you for your stuff. In fact they resent you for it if you dont carry your self with dignity. Pride goeth before the fall...or some thing like that. I love diamonds dont get me wrong---but I desire to be respected and liked most of all.

 

[diamondfan]

I do not think one should insult another''s style, background, classiness or taste in the absence of more information. I take some offense at the remark about the clothing etc since I am one of those who posted it. My point was, I dress in what I like, be it casual or more dressy, but wear my ring most of the time because I love it. I do make the judgement call about when to leave it off and wear a plain band. I am a fashionable woman, stylish but not trendy and not a label whore. It just so happens I tend to like designer things, they are usually well made and can be classics one keeps for years. BUT I decide what I like, I am not a slave to what is IN, and if I think for whatever reason it does not suit me or my lifestyle, I do not buy in. I also am happy to buy flip flops at Old Navy and t shirts at the Gap on sale, I mix it up and do not go head to toe in labels. My point to the original poster was that how you carry yourself is what counts, you can be in shorts and flip flops and a tank and wear the 4 carat ring and if you have confidence and style it all works. I also was just agreeing with her sense of making the judgement about when not to wear it, i.e. volunteer work and traveling. She was stating that did others feel self conscious, and my point was that there are times, because I look younger than my age and often dress down, I know people look at the ring I am wearing and are curious as to why I am not in a suit or glammed up. I think insulting people whom you do not know rather than trying to see the point in a global sense is a touch declasse, jmho...

 

[esalyi]

yes...well FYI I wasn''t aiming that part of the post at her, but at the people who posted about such things, I can read for comprehension. I was just posting my opinion and I noticed that my post lacked the aggression in yours. This is a place to post opinions- I was just stating mine, and giving some advice as well. There is no need to get all worked up about it. Relax.

 

[brneyedgrl]

Date: 4/22/2006 12:38:56 AM
Author:esalyi

and just a side note- the outfits you are describing "juicy sweats and logo bags and sunglasses"??? you would never see someone in the fashion world wear that in public- head to toe logos screaming everywhere does not look chic it looks very cheap. Find your own style not Paris Hilton''s. Sorry but this just offends me on a stylistic level. ugh...

Esalyi, actually I don''t own any Juicy sweats or logo purses. I actually wear cheapo American Apparel sweats, which cost about 1/3 the price of Juicy and have the added benefit of being made in the USA sweat-shop free. As for purses, I have two Coach bags without logos. Both are older and plain leather, and one of my favorite purses is a retro tooled leather purse from eBay of all places. I have never been one to wear logos. It just isn''t me. If you like them, fine, but I don''t like advertising for big "corporate" designers for free. I''m not knocking anyone who wears Juicy sweats, some of their non-logo stuff is actually nice, and I have a friend who has a cashmere set from them, and she gets lots of wear out of it. So whatever floats your boat.

Decodelighted, my fiance''s diamond cutter friend did not want to cut the large stone because he felt that it should not belong in jewelry. He thought that for jewelry he should have used a lesser grade stone. He even offered to trade him other stones. The only reason my fiance originally cut the stone was because he was involved with a woman who would parade him around Tiffany''s and Cartier looking at similar stones. He thought that he wanted to be with her, and so when the time came, he decided not to fork over the money to the retail stores and to instead use one of the rocks sitting in the safe. He is not at all a diamond man. He thinks they are pretty, but they were literally just sitting there. So he had her diamond ring made for about $5000 w/ cutting, setting etc. His cutter friend also had a report and appraisal done on that particular rock. I''m having it reset because her hands were bigger, and I want to make it mine. He is completely fine with that and agrees since he wants to completely forget about his "gold digger" girl (as he calls her).

I feel very fortunate to have both rings, and thank you for all of your opinions and advice. I am by no means a money girl. The only other diamonds that I own are .5 tcw studs, which I don''t even think are graded. I tend to wear plain platinum hoops or small pearl earrings or little silver posts. I am by no means a "money" or "flashy" girl. I just am trying to figure out how I will incorporate the larger ring into my own style and everyday life. I''m also excited about the smaller ring as well.

 

[windowshopper]

Date: 4/23/2006 1:09:57 AM
Author: esalyi
yes...well FYI I wasn''t aiming that part of the post at her, but at the people who posted about such things, I can read for comprehension. I was just posting my opinion and I noticed that my post lacked the aggression in yours. This is a place to post opinions- I was just stating mine, and giving some advice as well. There is no need to get all worked up about it. Relax.

i agree--and i was as well. i cant stand listening to people brag and act like they are so down to earth and devil may care , and just like it because they do etc etc.......... but have a 4,5,6,7 etc carat ring and wear dior sunglasses, louis bags, hermes blah blah.................again i love jewelry and gemstones but it is like so many things in life: a jerk getting out of a rolls is a jerk and a nice guy getting out of a rolls is a nice guy. And confidence, self respect, dignity and inntelligence is not demonstrated by the words JUICY on your rear end

 

[diamondfan]

Esalyi, I respect your right to hold any opinion you like. I come here to hear about all types of views and be educated about new things. It just sounded a bit harsh, and since I was one of the posters who mentioned some of those things, I felt it is not cool for others to toss out insults without knowing the person. It is easy to make rash judgements and emails do not give you a lot of data, but still...it takes all kinds in this world, and I just think it makes sense to be a bit less judgemental.

 

[esalyi]

Well I think it was the fact that you had a need to list the brands you wear that offends. Its the way you present yourself that gives that impression. I think that a little sentence written on a public forum is not something to get upset about or for you to bother trying to justify yourself. It was an opinion stated nothing more. I wouldn''t bother thinking about it anymore.

 

[windowshopper]

Date: 4/22/2006 12:38:56 AM
Author:brneyedgrl
I am relatively new here, and I am writing this question because my fiance will be presenting me with two rings. One will feature a 4c solitaire. The diamond is a VVS2, and I don''t know the other specs because my fiance acquired it all on his own. I do know that he acquired it uncut, and he went through great lengths to have it cut since his diamond cutter friends did not want to touch it. They even offered to trade him ''lesser'' stones of equal size, but he refused. It will be reset in a setting very similar to this, except mine will have hand engraving:

http://www.washingtondiamond.com/StoreBox/3901/39-ru357.htm

Since I felt that this diamond is too big for every day wear (I''m not even 30 yet), and I tend to do volunteer work and don''t necessarily run in the most high profile of circles. He offered me a second engagement ring. This ring is also platinum, but small side stones, and the band will be similarly engraved to the first so that the styles blend). The center stone has these specs (GIA certified):

Round Brilliant
1.21 carat
Depth 61%
Table 56%
Girdle, thin, faceted
Culet None
Polish Excellent
Symmetry Excellent

Clarity Grade VS2
Color Grade G
Fourescence None

I don''t yet have the rings in my possession, but for those of you with larger stones, (yes I know large is relative, especially around here), do you ever feel self conscious about your ring? I have a friend who has a 2.5 ct. center stone, and people are always asking her about it. I will admire someone''s ring and compliment them on it, and I will drop it and say no more. I know that some people feel uneasy about the attention. I know that I will wear my larger rock for dressing up or for certain events, and I guess I will have to see how I feel about it once I actually get it in my possession and on my hot hand. I won''t take the larger diamond when we travel. Any comments? Good or bad. The larger stone is beautiful, but I could see how it could be mistaken for costume jewelry since it is rather big. However, I know that I''m going to get a lot of wear out of my more traditional ''smaller'' engagement ring as well.

TO the OP: two seems darn silly............how about one big one and a nice eternity band. if you want to waste 25,000 why dont you donate it to an AIDS clinic. Why hide it...........it seemed silly to one world i amsimple 23 yr old with 2 carat to the other world i am ms 4 carat....just wear your ring and if not appropriate wear the band. it seems that you and your fiance are mainly concerned with the fact that you NEVER be without a ring.........what does that say