ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab...

[Dancing Fire]

everytime when you go out on a date?

 

[vanilla87]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

No usually we pay half each... but sometimes its nice for him to pay

 

[beezygal]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

No. We usually pay for our own stuff. If it's our anniversary ( we actually celebrate every month) or my birthday, he will pay for dinner.

 

[peonies]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

We generally trade off, for instance if I paid last time he will pick it up and vice versa. However, if he specifically asks me out to dinner for a nice night out, he usually covers it. We eat out way too often!

 

[FuturePsyD]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

In general, yes.

The first 2 years my FF moved to CA, I pretty much paid for everything and even helped support him while he looked for a job and tried to get settled and stabalize himself out here.

My ff is 30, which is still pretty young, but he has that old fashioned quality about him where he feels more comfortable taking care of the check on his own. I also feel he has some guilt associated with the first 2 years where I was paying for everything, which I don't think he should. Relationships are give and take. But I think it bruised his ego a bit to be dependent on me for such a long period.

So the following 3 years, and currently, he pays for most of our entertainment (dinners, drinks, movies, trips, etc). I pitch in from time to time and pay for our daily Starbucks fix, little things like that. I should note that I am currently in grad school and work for free while gaining my clinical hours, so I have no sort of real income (aside from help from my parents) to contribute with right now anyways.

 

[FuturePsyD]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

OOPS....

when i said "in general, yes" I meant that as in yes, my FF does pay most of the time. Not as in I would expect him to. Sorry, I read the topic too fast and just started typing.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

No, not every time.

In a new relationship...

First date: he pays. Or we split it. If he doesn't at least meet me half way, there will be no second date.
Second date: if he paid for the first date, I pay for the second... No exceptions. If we split the bill on the first date, I expect to split the bill after that...
After the third date, we split the bill, unless it's a special occasion, like his birthday or a celebration, in which case I'll treat him. If he takes me out for my birthday or other celebration, it would be cheeky of him to expect me to pay, wouldn't it?

Currently I'm a broke university student, so my fiance usually treats me to nice dinners... But I make it up to him in other ways, usually by cooking nice dinners at home or doing his hair or other inexpensive ways...

My SO actually spoils me terribly and I must confess, I love it! For instance, tonight he's paying for a manicurist to come to our house to do my nails... And on Monday we're taking my gran out to the beach front for tea and cake... I do hardly any housework... I get foot rubs and neck massages on demand... The list is endless... I'm a very lucky girl.

I try to make it up to him too. For instance, he recently wanted to buy the Beatles remastered box set and couldn't understand why I kept telling him not to buy it... Until I told him that his mom, sisters and I had bought it for him for his birthday. I like being able to treat him in return.

 

[Jessie702]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

When C and i go out to dinner, or on a date, he usually picks up the tab, and i will leave the tip. C is the "bread winner" of our relationship, and only asks me to help out when i canbecause he knows things are tight right now. I have picked up the tab for us, or went and picks up dinner or the food for the house, but generally he pays. When we go out dancing he usually pays for the drinks, but i will buy him a round or two, and than he buys the rest.

 

[Trekkie]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

In general, yes.

The first 2 years my FF moved to CA, I pretty much paid for everything and even helped support him while he looked for a job and tried to get settled and stabalize himself out here.

My ff is 30, which is still pretty young, but he has that old fashioned quality about him where he feels more comfortable taking care of the check on his own. I also feel he has some guilt associated with the first 2 years where I was paying for everything, which I don't think he should. Relationships are give and take. But I think it bruised his ego a bit to be dependent on me for such a long period.

So the following 3 years, and currently, he pays for most of our entertainment (dinners, drinks, movies, trips, etc). I pitch in from time to time and pay for our daily Starbucks fix, little things like that. I should note that I am currently in grad school and work for free while gaining my clinical hours, so I have no sort of real income (aside from help from my parents) to contribute with right now anyways.

Awwww... This is so cute! It reminds me of when my SO and I started dating... Way back then, I was an IT exec earning a good salary, so I used to spoil him. We used to go out to nice restaurants and I bought him clothes and we went on nice holidays and trips.

Now I'm a poor student... But I have a honey who spoils me, so it's ok.

Healthy relationships have give and take... And whenever I moan about how I hate being a student, my honey reminds me that it won't be forever... And when I moan about being treated too much, he reminds me of how I used to treat him, and he tells me that it all evens out in the long run.

ETA: trigger happy enter finger.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

Healthy relationships have give and take...

+ 1

Agree and this translates to my relationship in all aspects whoever feels like paying pays.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

I once dated a guy who wouldn't accept my half of the bill when we were ready to pay, but as soon as we got out of the restaurant he asked for the money! He told me that he liked to pay for the whole bill in the restaurant but he was happy for me to give him my half once we had left.

Uh yeah i don't think so buddy!

 

[KatM]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

We usually trade off paying, too, though we have a deal that whoever gets the big promotion first will pay for everything. To be honesty, I have never gotten a second date with a guy when I have either paid or split the bill. When I met the BF, I decided to keep him by letting him pay for the first couple of dates.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

Since I'm a struggling student and L isn't, he pays for just about everything. I feel bad about it sometimes, but we've talked about this subject many times. He knows I'm not taking advantage of him and he pays because he wants to help. I think he also knows that if he weren't paying when we go out, we probably wouldn't go out very often at all! While things don't even out financially, we do agree that overall we are both equally contributing to the relationship in different ways.

Once I have a more substancial pay check things may change.

 

[TruLuv858]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

When C and i go out to dinner, or on a date, he usually picks up the tab, and i will leave the tip. C is the "bread winner" of our relationship, and only asks me to help out when i canbecause he knows things are tight right now. I have picked up the tab for us, or went and picks up dinner or the food for the house, but generally he pays.

Ditto- I would say this is similar to my situation. I will pick up the tab as I can, generally for less extravagent meals- but FF makes a lot more money then I do, so I try to make it up in other ways- general groceries for the house, tips, smaller meals, etc.

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

We trade off.We usually know when one of us can afford it and the other can't. Sometimes one of us pays and the other pays the tip. It's pretty much whoever has the money to spare at the time pays for the whole thing. In the long run I think we're pretty equal.

 

[dec2410]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

in the beginning my SO used to pay for everything since he was working full time, and i was a student. then when he quit his job and went back to school, we decided to alternate meals. a few years later, we both work full time, but we've kept our alternating meals system. it works for us

 

[Glitz]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

It's very split between us, I'll pay or he pays .. sometimes I'll throw SO a $20 and sometimes he'll give me some money, it's not a very big deal. We don't keep track of who pays, whoever is feeling generous or having a good week at work will usually pay.

 

[amc80]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

We trade off. At first he paid for everything, but now it's pretty even.

For first dates, I am one of those old fashioned gals who believes the guy should pay. If a guy wanted to split it, I would comply, but there probably wouldn't be a second date. This may be 2010 but I still want to be treated like a lady, you know? Woo me, dammit!

 

[Autumnovember]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

When me and FI started dating, I offered to pay for dinners or at least leave the tip and he always declined and paid for it himself.

He still does that now, but I still offer when I have the money.

He is and has been the "bread winner" since I am a student. When I finally have a real job and make good money, I'll definitely step my game up a lot.

 

[agapitor]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

I work part time since the kiddies so DH usually pays for dinner unless I'm craving for something specific mid week. One time I paid for dinner and my 4 year old was amazed and said "wow mommy is ACTUALLY paying for dinner" - guess they see everything.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

When FI and I were first dating, he wanted to pay for everything. I'd get a few things in here and there though. I don't, and never have, *expected* him to pay. Now he usually pays the bill, but it's our joint acct so I'm fine with it.

 

[princesss]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

In my last relationship, my ex almost always paid (I'm talking 95% of the time). I really enjoyed it, and it definitely set the bar high for any new guys. As I start dating more that may change, but it'll be a hard habit to break.

Honestly, though, I have a lot going on in my life. If a guy wants me to put that on hold and spend time with him instead, he's going to have to find a way to convince me to do it. Why would I pay for dinner when if he weren't around I would be out rock climbing or getting drinks with friends instead of spending $$$ on a meal out? I wouldn't be going to dinner, and since I didn't ask the (hypothetical) guy out, that's the price of getting my undivided attention (and since he asked me out, clearly he wants my attention).

Luckily, Southern guys seem used to this (and actually, it was Southern guys that trained me to be like this - I used to refuse to let anybody pay for me. That got beaten out of me - figuritively, of course). Plus I'm not really looking for a relationship, so I won't have to figure out anything beyond a date or two for a while.

 

[Mashira]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

Since I'm a struggling student and L isn't, he pays for just about everything. I feel bad about it sometimes, but we've talked about this subject many times. He knows I'm not taking advantage of him and he pays because he wants to help. I think he also knows that if he weren't paying when we go out, we probably wouldn't go out very often at all! While things don't even out financially, we do agree that overall we are both equally contributing to the relationship in different ways.

Once I have a more substancial pay check things may change.

Ditto.

I'm a student, do not work, but will be graduating here soon. When we started dating he payed the first few times, and then we alternated. If he payed once, I would pay the next time. This was becoming a problem for me because we went out quite a bit and it was getting to be more than I could reasonably afford.

FF being as wonderful and sensitive as he is, noticed this, and without saying a thing to me, insisted that he pick up the bill from then on. I still try to chip in when I can (and often times feel guilty because this doesn't happen often). I know what I can contribute monetarily is vastly insignificant compared to all he does, however he knows that I care and that I do what I can. He always says, "I've been blessed with a good job and more money than I need, and I love to take care of you and spoil you where I can."

*gets a warm fuzzy*

Luckily, Southern guys seem used to this .

I agree! I'm a Southern gal, and although he is from the North, he's been here long enough to get acclimated. :p

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

In early dating, I think whoever does the asking should do the paying. In a committed relationship, the couple should do whatever works for them. I had boyfriends who made more money than me and wanted to go on nice vacations. I paid what I could afford, and if they wanted to stay somewhere nicer or go for a nice dinner, they paid more. I had boyfriends who made less than I did, and I paid for things that I wanted us to do together. I always tried to reciprocate affection and gifts in whatever way I could afford.

Now we're married, and it all goes into one account. We don't keep score on money, as we both contribute to the marriage in whatever way we can.

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

We have the same bank account. So it doesn't matter whose card gets swiped.
His paychecks are currently larger than mine. However, I make tips, so I bring home cash at the end of the day.
Frequently, we use "my" cash for dinners out. But I don't think that means that I pay for it.

 

[mochamamasita]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

I almost always pay, but he will pay once in a while. The reason that I almost always pay is because I make a lot more money than him, and I know that he has other things that he needs to save his money for. (Like an e-ring )

 

[monarch64]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

I never expected it. But I have always been met with resistance when I offer to pay, and I used to offer more than once or twice when I was dating.

SO would NEVER let me pay on a date, even going so far as to tell the server or bartender "her money's no good." It may sound strange or controlling, but it wasn't that way at all and it came across as very charming to me. At this point we have moved in together and have a budget for entertainment that comes proportionately from both of our incomes. While he was "courting" me; however, he refused to let me pay for anything. I must say that I appreciated it. HE was pursuing ME, after all. I wasn't calling him up and asking him out repeatedly...he was calling ME!

 

[oranges]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

My boyfriend always picks up with check...unless I'm specifically taking him out and say so beforehand. Then again I'm in college and he supports himself...so it's not like I have much money anyway.

 

[mariewest]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

Not at all. We usually split it, or alternate who pays for it. We don't really go out on "dates" very often. If we don't want to cook dinner we might go out for food, or if we are board on a weekend night we might see what movies are playing, but it rare that we do something special. My birthday he paid for a comedy show and dinner. We don't really celebrate our anniversary.

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

Re: ladies,do you expect the guy to pick up the dinner tab..

Well he does only because I'm a student and don't have much money. He also said that he likes to. If I had a well paying job I would absolutely pay for dinner and not expect him to pay every time I would insist. Until I graduate next Dec and get a job the following year this is the way it's going to continue. I forget I do pay for dinner either on anniversary or his birthday.