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Knowing too much??

Discussion in 'RockyTalky' started by ckfern, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. ckfern
    Rough_Rock

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    by ckfern » Jul 13, 2010
    As many of you read my past posts I have been searching for a bigger diamond for some time so I have done tons of research and know exactly what to look for now, thanks to all of you! This past weekend my husband surprised me with a diamond, the stone is beautiful, but when he handed me the certificate there are a couple of RED flags! One major flaw is that the table is HUGE for this round stone! the table is 66%. The cut is good. THe color and clarity are F and VS2 which is probably the only good thing! :oops: If i knew nothing I would be so extremely happy because the diamond is beautiful. But now that I know I dont know what to do. I dont want to disappoint him. What should I do?? I did the cut advisor and it came out to somewhere between 6 and 7 :cry: Any opinions would be helpful!
     
  2. Wink
    Ideal_Rock
    Trade

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    by Wink » Jul 13, 2010
    Your husband gave you this diamond as a symbol of his love and respect for you.

    Treasure it and love it as you love him for caring enough to surprise you with a diamond that by your own words is beautiful.

    As a husband I would be crushed to find out I had done something I thought wonderful only to have it thrown back at me as not being good enough.

    Now if he were to stumble upon this place and decide you deserved better, THAT would be a good thing.

    Just my thoughts.

    Husband Wink for 36 years 11 months
     
  3. kenny
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by kenny » Jul 13, 2010
    This is a tough one.
    He gave you a diamond you know is not cut as well as it could be. :nono:
    Do you just keep it and cherish it or do you change it for one cut better?

    People vary.
    Some guys would be crushed if they learned she wanted to exchange it, though he may see the light when the the new one arrives.
    I personally would share your goal of getting the best-performing diamond possible.
    It all depends on him and we don't know him.

    Also the receivers vary.
    I'm much less sentimental than I am insistent on getting the best for my money.

    Another idea, is there a way to swap it without him knowing?
    Can you contact the seller right away and just explain your predicament?
    It seems a long shot but perhaps this could work and hubby will never know.
     
  4. betty6333
    Shiny_Rock

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    by betty6333 » Jul 13, 2010
    Personally, I would Thank him and tell him how much I love him and that the diamond is absolutely wonderful.

    If my husband took the time and money to get a diamond, and he put effort into it and tried, I would view it as a gift. I would not try to change it, as he wanted me to have that one, and just didnt understand everything but he tried his best.

    basically, smile and be happy. treat it as if it is a perfect cut and when you see it you can remember the kindness and love that he took in getting you a diamond.

    oh and PLEASE put pics up in SMTB!!!
     
  5. Lula
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Lula » Jul 13, 2010
    The part of your post that I bolded is really all that matters. That, and the fact that your husband gave it to you because he loves you and he knew you wanted a bigger diamond.

    Sure, we love numbers around here, but in this case, the numbers are just numbers and if the diamond is beautiful to your eye, enjoy it.

    If you really want the super-tight numbers of a super-ideal, think about getting a pair of diamond studs from PS vendor for an upcoming birthday. Then you'll have the best of both worlds!

    And I'd strongly suggest you take a break from Pricescope (except to post pictures of your new diamond!). Hanging around here too much just makes me want more and appreciate what I have less. A break can be helpful.
     
  6. bgray
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by bgray » Jul 13, 2010
    The other comments are all valid but I personally coudnt keep the stone. Knowing what you/we know about cut I would also be concerned he massively overpaid. So my concerns arent just about the stone itself. If the stone was a AGS0 and he overpaid , that is different than overpaying for something medicocre. just my two cents
     
  7. valchiria
    Shiny_Rock

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    by valchiria » Jul 13, 2010
    The diamond is beatiful...but after you have see the certificate...the diamond isn't beautiful...
    :eek: :confused:
    On your finger you will wear the diamond or the certificate?
     
  8. CharmyPoo
    Ideal_Rock

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    by CharmyPoo » Jul 13, 2010
    I guess I have a different view. Will the fact that this diamond scored a 6 stick in the back of your head forever - are your views of the diamond different to you now? Is it still beautiful? All this is the "mind" factor.

    Do you know if the diamond is exchangeable or returnable. You know your husband best and you know how he will react.

    My fiance knows how I am so if I was in your situation and asked for an exchange .. he would not be offended.
     
  9. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 13, 2010
    agree 101% !!
     
  10. ckfern
    Rough_Rock

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    by ckfern » Jul 13, 2010
    Its not that the diamond is not beautiful, because it still is. But at the same time did he get ripped off? Is it beautiful now because its new and sparkly?? He will very much be offended, I have hinted here and there and said the table is pretty large but it still beautiful and he said yeah its large but it didnt bother me because its such a nice stone. I have thought about going to the jeweler but I think he will tell him I went, especially since we are going to go to him for a new band. I wish I didnt feel this way, I think I just know too much... I wish I didnt. :(
     
  11. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 13, 2010
    very SNEAKY !! :appl: :appl:
     
  12. kenny
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by kenny » Jul 13, 2010
    What this man needs is some diamond education.
    Show him the HCA and the Idealscope tools today.
    Once he has more information he should say, "Gosh Honey, thanks for pointing this out. Let's see about changing it for one that will perform better."

    I think the moment of embarrassment, even a few days of his grumpy mood, is a small price to pay.
    You have to look at the diamond for years and years.
    You simply know more than he does about this subject.

    I mean what's he going to do, beat his hairy chest and grunt, "I'M THE MAN; Get back in the kitchen woman!" ?
    If his male ego gets all bent out of shape then a lesson about, humility and growing up may be just what the doctor ordered.

    My 2 cents.
     
  13. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 13, 2010
    maybe he'll change his mind if your jeweler show him some 0 cut stones.
     
  14. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 13, 2010
    maybe he'll change his mind if your jeweler show him some 0 cut stones.
     
  15. ckfern
    Rough_Rock

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    by ckfern » Jul 13, 2010
    He had mentioned that the jeweler showed him an VG good cut and it looked and shined the same way, they even went outside to compare the two and they looked the same.
     
  16. CharmyPoo
    Ideal_Rock

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    by CharmyPoo » Jul 13, 2010
    Ignorance is bliss.
     
  17. amc80
    Ideal_Rock

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    by amc80 » Jul 13, 2010
    Your husband spent time and money to pick out something for you that he thought you would love. If the stone looks beautiful, that's all that matters. You should love it because it's from him. The numbers aren't perfect- so what! One of the dangers of this forum is over-education. Yes, there is a TON of valuable information on here, which is a good thing. But don't get too caught up in the numbers, because in the end, what's important is that you like the stone. If you liked it before you saw the numbers, than that's what is important.

    I know if I were in your situation, swapping the diamond (or even complaining about it) would be a fast way to ensure I would never again receive another diamond again.
     
  18. athenaworth
    Ideal_Rock
    Trade

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    by athenaworth » Jul 13, 2010
    I really really wanted to re-set my current ER (which was an upgrade) and when I told DH about it, it really disappointed him. I didn't want to live with feeling like I'd hurt him in any way, so I made a decision to love what I had and appreciate how lucky I am to have it. I can still drool, but for now I'm just grateful for what I have. I would suggest doing your best to come to terms with it.
     
  19. RhubarbPie
    Shiny_Rock

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    by RhubarbPie » Jul 13, 2010
    I agree with pretty much everything said. My SO bought me diamond studs when we were in St Thomas awhile ago (maybe 2 years ago). We didn't know ANYTHING about diamond buying, didn't even think to ask for certificates, and I didn't even know to look for inclusions or anything like that, much less cut and table, etc. Well they have a lot of inclusions and since we don't have certificates I'm sure they are low quality stones in other ways too, but I LOVE THEM!!! I wear them everyday, I will never give them up because of the meaning behind them. Im sure I'll have other earrings, and probably other diamond earrings, but these were my first from my future hubby!! I love them even with all of their inclusions and imperfections.
     
  20. RhubarbPie
    Shiny_Rock

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    by RhubarbPie » Jul 13, 2010
    Oh also, regarding overpaying, we didn't overpay for my earrings (we underpaid because the jeweler is a very good family friend). That certainly makes me feel even better about the earrings, but even if we had overpaid a little I would STILL love them. But, I guess it would depend on your financial situation. If you are not in debt because of this new jewelry and it won't effect things very much, and you have more than enough money to go around, then its probably not worth hurting your husbands feelings over it. If you are really tight on money and this piece of jewelry is like a once in a lifetime type of thing and you'll be eating rice for the next year because of it, perhaps its something to talk about. But since you've been searching for a larger diamond, it seems like money is not the biggest issue (I'm not trying to assume anything about you - I just know that of the people I know who truly don't have money, they are not thinking about buying bigger diamonds).
     
  21. clgwli
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by clgwli » Jul 13, 2010
    Do you still find the diamond beautiful? Not the same, but I have a vintage ring with a round diamond in it. I am sure if I took the numbers (which I don't have) and ran it through the HCA I would find it is a sub par stone. But I love it and I got a great deal on it. My only issue with it is that I can see the tint in some lighting so I am considering having it reset in a bezel pendant so I won't see the color easily.

    My point is numbers are great and fine if that is what you want. But if your husband got this out of love and BEFORE you saw the numbers you loved it, then why be upset about it? As long as the combined you two do not feel you over paid for it, then again I wouldn't worry.

    If it truly bothers you, talk to him. Show him this site. See what he says.

    But please do NOT ever think of switching out a stone w/o his permission or especially his knowledge. I never promote lying or deceiving your spouse. Bad ide all around.

    I do admit this is why I pick my pieces and then let my husband choose LOL. I really am super picky about what I buy and he knows it. He is no longer offended when I tell him I will find a few things I like and then he will go out and get it.

    Good luck to you. I would love to see pictures of this stone though :)
     
  22. iota15
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by iota15 » Jul 13, 2010
    *Beep * Beep * Beep * Back up the Truck! (Seinfeld reference. Sorry.)

    The HCA is ONLY a cut off tool. Just because it scored a 6 does NOT mean it is a "bad diamond". In fact, based on the way your particular diamond and angles coincide, it could be a GREAT diamond. From your description, it sounds like you enjoy it and you're describing a beautiful diamond!

    The HCA tool was developed by Gary based on HIS observations of what he thought a great looking diamond looked like. But even Gary allows that nothing will ever be a 0 on the scale - and a 0.9 HCA is not necessarily better than a 1.9 HCA. You have to SEE these stone or assess their Idealscope and Aset images to determine whether a particular stone was the better performer.

    The most important thing about your diamond is that YOU THINK it looks beautiful. The Score does not mean there is something inherently wrong with it. Yes, the table might be a little larger than what Wink or BGD might cut, but you know what? Some people like larger tables! Maybe you're one of them.

    Also remember, the HCA is not the end all and be all of great cuts in rounds. It was developed to help online diamond hunters weed out what is LESS LIKELY to be a great performer... based on numbers alone and NO visual inspection (which you and your husband have had the opportunity to do). It most certainly can weed out great looking diamonds too. Your diamond may fall into that category. There are just too many variables and angle variations to say that you have a poor looking diamond, especially when you are looking at it, and it looks great!
     
  23. Hest88
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Hest88 » Jul 13, 2010
    If you find it beautiful and you know your family can afford it it's really all that matters. It's as if you fell in love with some guy that didin't have all the qualities on your "list." If he's a good guy and makes you happy, does it matter?

    OTOH, if you really don't love the stone or really think it's a dud, that might warrant a discussion--especially if you feel he overpaid using money you can't really afford to waste.
     
  24. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Jul 13, 2010
    but he needs a lesson on diamonds so that he'll know for future purchases.
     
  25. Circe
    Ideal_Rock
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    by Circe » Jul 13, 2010
    Hm ... I'm sort of of two minds on this, but at the end of the day, I side with Kenny. Talk to the man.

    On the one hand, it really was terribly sweet of your husband to observe that you were interested in something, and attempt to provide it. That is heart-melting love!

    On the other hand ... ignorance is never bliss. And the fact of the matter is, you've been researching the subject, and you just plain know more about it (which is a *good* thing!). Unless you have unlimited funds and can afford to get a diamond of equal size but excellent cut in the near future, conversation will save you money and dissatisfaction alike .....

    There are three things which I see in comments over and over which raise my blood pressure:

    1) That ignorance is bliss: see above.

    2) That a gift-giver spent money, and the recipient should be grateful to receive it! This one bugs me because in cases of engaged or married couples, it is *your* money, too, and throwing it away on something that's not quite right for the sake of coddling one member's ego while sacrificing the other one's satisfaction (and for a luxury item - something intended to bring pleasure, and only pleasure!) seems really stupid to me.

    3) If you don't act grateful, you'll never get any presents again. What I think this translates to is: if you don't shut up now, you won't have to shut up in the future. And isn't that a *good* thing?

    My husband doesn't have any qualms about telling me if a gift I buy him doesn't measure up to his expectations (just one of the many cool things of being raised as a dude, I guess). At first I was a little hurt by it, and now I sort of admire it, as long as and because it is reciprocal. It's an opportunity for both of us to keep refining what we give to one another, and how we demonstrate our love for one another: the understanding is part of it, as well as the effort.

    That said, I don't expect him to learn about diamonds, and he doesn't expect me to learn about tech: we just talk to one another about what we want. It's a good deal.

    All that said (am I hitting tl:dr yet?) ... you do say the diamond is beautiful to you, and I believe in trusting your eyes, as well as the numbers. We all have different tastes, and your diamond may well fit yours. Some people don't *like* hearts and arrows (I am one of the ones who doesn't, actually: too symmetrical equates to kind of soullesss for me - I like the stones that capture the eye with a little chaos, even if it means less light return). So, my advice? Think for a bit about what you want ... *and* talk to your husband about it. Let him know if you're having concerns: tell him about what you've studied, and what you want for your dollar, and how tough it is to figure out the difference between what you find beautiful, and what is affordable, and what the experts say is "best." After all, that's what marriage is all about, being able to share your deepest innermost thoughts with a partner ... right?
     
  26. coco3
    Rough_Rock

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    by coco3 » Jul 13, 2010
    ckfern,

    My fiance and I chose a diamond together that we thought was stunning. We had seen approximately 10 "similar" stones and the stone we wanted was the clear winner. I posted the specs on pricescope and to say I was disheartened by the response to the stone would be a gross understatement. People thought it scored poorly on the Holloway, that the table was off and the angles (not listed!) could NOT possibly be correct, etc. etc. I honestly wanted to cry and seriously thought about continuing the search.

    Instead I first took it to a friend who used to be in the jewelry business, and he thought it was a great stone and he encouraged me to buy it - especially since it was the only stone in our price range that I had loved. Then I took it to an independent appraiser in my area who ran it through a SARIN report. I'm so glad I did! She thought it was an excellent stone, it scored Very Good, but it only missed Excellent by 1 point, having scored a 0 on everything else. Plus the angles were spot on what they should be. THEN the icing on the cake is that I am having the stone set by Brian Gavin, and when I dropped it off with him, he said the stone was exquisitely cut and I should be very happy with it.

    My point would be that pricescope is SUPER helpful, I have learned so much here. But unfortunately we just can't see how beautiful all diamonds are over the internet just because you post the specs. I would advise you to get an appraiser to look at the stone and see what you think after that. I adjusted after a few days because I had wanted so badly to purchase a stone that would make everyone on pricescope excited, but what is really important is that I think the stone is beautiful!!

    Hope this helps!
    Coco
     
  27. coco3
    Rough_Rock

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    by coco3 » Jul 13, 2010
    I just read circe's post and I have to say I agree with that, too. You should be able to be honest in marriage, and you have to be FULLY comfortable with any diamond YOU have to wear daily. His feelings will be hurt for what? 5 minutes, then he'll be thrilled with how thrilled you are.

    Besides, men totally don't accept "wrong" gifts either. I bought my fiance a Ranch Hand grille guard for his new truck as his Christmas present this year. I knew he had had this brand on his previous truck, but I called a couple of friends to confirm that it is the premiere truck accessorizing company among his crowd. I can guarantee you that if he had come home to a dinky grille guard, I would have been notified immediately and it would have been swapped out that very day for the right model and I would have been momentarily embarassed that I wasn't "in the know" about truck accessories (gasp!) but then I would GET OVER IT, right? The present is to make HIM happy. I could care less if it's the one I picked out or not and even if he had wanted to exchange it, he would have been impressed that I made an effort!

    So, I would amend my previous post to say talk to him first, BUT if you think the diamond truly is beautiful, take it to an appraiser to see if your feelings can be assuaged as mine were. If they can't be? You have to wear it daily, just as my fiance has to be seen driving all around town in his truck -- it's very personal!

    Coco
     
  28. Rockdiamond
    Ideal_Rock
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    by Rockdiamond » Jul 13, 2010
    ckfern- you're a potential victim of something I've been fighting here for years.
    A diamond judged "less than well cut" here is done by people who are not looking at the diamond, and basing such judgments on things they've read online.
    Even if they've actually looked at many diamonds, they can only state their opinion.
    Do you like Pizza?
    What if there was a forum of pizza haters.

    The point is, please don't put a lot of stock into other people's ideas of what constitutes a well cut diamond, as it applies to your own situation.
    I have seen really lovely diamonds with numbers that would be criticized by poeple who judge diamonds by numbers.
    I have always felt that diamonds need to be judged by how they look- and it sounds like you like the way this one looks!
     
  29. dreamer_dachsie
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by dreamer_dachsie » Jul 13, 2010
    Once married, his money is my money and I would not want my money spent on a poorly cut rock. But that is me, and in my relationship my husband would not surprise me with a very expensive gift because he knows I am cheap and particular 8) . If he did, I would talk to him about it and we would exchange it. He would do the same if I suprised him with a crappy set of golf clubs.

    I suggest before you do anything you clean your diamond and then go to a local Tiffany store to compare to their stones, which are all well cut (maybe not "super ideals", but very well cut for sure). Can you see a difference? Do you care? Is it worth pursuing this with your husband knowing his temperament and personality? Make an informed choice.
     
  30. lulu
    Ideal_Rock

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    by lulu » Jul 13, 2010
    I asked DH and he said he'd want to know if it was not a good quality stone. And I'd be inclined to tell him. (What a great compatibility test.)
     

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