shape
carat
color
clarity

Journey before Price Scope

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
Hello all! Well, I don't think anyone could appreciate my story like PSers/LIWs, so here goes:
Last October, after the sweetest weekend, standing before me, my darling asked, "Would you marry me?" while I barely let him finish the question with my "yes's," that was his proposal! Absolutely excited and full of joy, I started talking about telling my friends/family/loved ones/the world ;-) . He said that we probably shouldn't tell anyone until we've made it "financially official" by getting a ring!
Very well then, a girls dream-- looking at rings and announcing your commitment! :love:
Evidently, WRONG. Communication was scarce and I didn't even feel comfortable talking about our engagement with HIM! It got so bad that in January I begged him to just take the proposal back. ;(
Angry and upset, he did-- but not without a fight. Things were weird, but became great after some time.
However, looking at rings had already become a bit of an "obsession," but I was trying to get passed it.
In March, during a great day, after a great night, he says, "Marry me." :o Before a second thought enters my mind, I say, "Always." My heart drops to the pit of my stomach and couldn't believe it. I thought I had made it clear why it was best not to be engaged, the lack of communication, my desire not to be stagnant, but if passed all of that he still said it, I took it as "the real thing." That day he was talking about where he'd want to get married: the whole nine. No mention of a ring and still a secret to the world.
I go back into scour-the-earth-to-find-a-beautiful-and-affordable-ring mode. :rodent:
A week before my birthday, I make him take it back again. It was getting to me, I didn't want all my focus going on something I can't even share. I wouldn't even be so set on a ring if those weren't his words! He didn't mind it so much this time, and I learned that he only did it because things "felt the way they used to." :knockout:
Nonetheless, my birthday is around tax-return season and he mentioned that he'd be getting a hefty return,~5000, which to two students is a lot! (The original ring that I had found was for $250/$500, so imagine my surprise at that number).

Now it's the end of July, 9 months after the initial proposal, and I've found PS! My looking at rings hasn't stopped, and now has definitely grown exponentially since PS. Still little communication from his end, but I got into the habit of emailing him everything I'd find (he still wanted everything to be a "surprise" when the time came), so that he'd know my tastes. Recently I learned that he hates it and would rather verbal communication. I'm still working on that! :twirl:

See, surprise would've been fine if I hadn't already spent 9 months perfecting my tastes, :oops: . I even started to design my own using photoshop! Now I still send him emails, but he got very upset with me recently. His words "I can't take it anymore. Please, no more rings. We'll find it when the time is right." :???:
We may possibly both regret tremendously that he ever proposed...
 

redhead02

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
333
Whoa. There's been some crazy back-and-forth going on and I'm not sure I understand all of it. I'm sorry things haven't been happy and uplifting for you - a proposal is supposed to be the most exciting thing, and it sounds like he's squashing it by making it all a secret. Can you explain more why he wants it secret? Was it only about saving for the ring? ....Or did he really just propose and then not want to talk about it indefinitely?

Guys can definitely get overharassed on the ring easily, so to my knowledge it's best to find what you like, send him ideas, and then chill out and don't mention it a ton. But in your case, you were already sort of 'engaged', and I'm trying to figure out what he's waiting on if it's not the money. Which if it was, well ok maybe, but he should definitely communicate better with you.
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
redhead02 said:
Whoa. There's been some crazy back-and-forth going on and I'm not sure I understand all of it. I'm sorry things haven't been happy and uplifting for you - a proposal is supposed to be the most exciting thing, and it sounds like he's squashing it by making it all a secret. Can you explain more why he wants it secret? Was it only about saving for the ring? ....Or did he really just propose and then not want to talk about it indefinitely?

Guys can definitely get overharassed on the ring easily, so to my knowledge it's best to find what you like, send him ideas, and then chill out and don't mention it a ton. But in your case, you were already sort of 'engaged', and I'm trying to figure out what he's waiting on if it's not the money. Which if it was, well ok maybe, but he should definitely communicate better with you.


Yeah, a bit intense, sorry.
He wanted it to be a secret because we're still young and he was afraid we wouldn't seem as though we're serious to our parents if we don't have the "financial investment" of having a ring in the "deal." Basically, he figured he proposed and that's good enough. I shouldn't "want" anything else... though he gave me full reason to! *sigh* I take it no one here experienced something similar? heh :loopy:

And thanks for the advice. Yeah.... he probably cringes at the word "ring" at this point. I've delightfully changed it to "shiny." :D
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
We may possibly both regret tremendously that he ever proposed...

OK so all of this proposal drama...the most important thing-do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man? And does he feel that way about you? You've gotta get that sorted out first before you can worry about rings/proposals/taking back proposals/etc.
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
slg47 said:
We may possibly both regret tremendously that he ever proposed...

OK so all of this proposal drama...the most important thing-do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man? And does he feel that way about you? You've gotta get that sorted out first before you can worry about rings/proposals/taking back proposals/etc.

Absolutely! Not a doubt in my mind. If that hadn't been the case, we wouldn't have lasted passed January.
At this point, he's just afraid of this whole "ring business." We've said our vows to one another and are perfectly happy *except* for this one aspect. Well, there's that and the fact that really no one knows.

His best friend got engaged after basically two weeks of dating. Week one she was moving in :Up_to_something:
He spent 4K on her ring (my bf COMPLETELY disapproves of spending that much money on that) and now they're working 80+ hour work weeks to have enough money to have an enormous wedding next year.

Then a bunch of my friends got engaged without a ring (as well). My main upset is the secrecy. It's just gotten to the point of now yearning for a ring.
 

shihtzulover

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 30, 2010
Messages
717
I would be very upset too. I'm not trying to judge anyone, but based on what you have said, it seems like he is toying with your emotions. He asks you, but he doesn't seem fully ready to make the commitment. The secrets would really bother me, as would the hesitancy to buy some sort of ring (even an inexpensive one, if you're both okay with that). Maybe it's harsh, but I just feel that if he asked you (twice!), he should be prepared to honor his commitment by placing some sort of ring on your finger (even if it's just one that costs about $20, since it sounds like you don't really care about the ring), or at least by just telling people that you are engaged (if you are okay without having a ring at all).

I'm sorry this is so tough for you. This should be a really happy time in your life. Maybe you could have a serious talk with him?

Edit: I'm a bit confused though. I went back and re-read your post, and I can't tell if you really just want for the engagement to be official and public, or if you want the ring. You say that it mostly bothers you that it's a secret, but you talk a lot about your obsession with the ring. Would your boyfriend be okay with telling people without having a ring, or maybe with having a very inexpensive one? If so, would this truly be okay with you?
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
shihtzulover said:
I would be very upset too. I'm not trying to judge anyone, but based on what you have said, it seems like he is toying with your emotions. He asks you, but he doesn't seem fully ready to make the commitment. The secrets would really bother me, as would the hesitancy to buy some sort of ring (even an inexpensive one, if you're both okay with that). Maybe it's harsh, but I just feel that if he asked you (twice!), he should be prepared to honor his commitment by placing some sort of ring on your finger (even if it's just one that costs about $20, since it sounds like you don't really care about the ring), or at least by just telling people that you are engaged (if you are okay without having a ring at all).

I'm sorry this is so tough for you. This should be a really happy time in your life. Maybe you could have a serious talk with him?

Edit: I'm a bit confused though. I went back and re-read your post, and I can't tell if you really just want for the engagement to be official and public, or if you want the ring. You say that it mostly bothers you that it's a secret, but you talk a lot about your obsession with the ring. Would your boyfriend be okay with telling people without having a ring, or maybe with having a very inexpensive one? If so, would this truly be okay with you?


Thank you Shihtzulover, (off topic, shihtzu's are adorable!), it's been a ride. I would be perfectly happy with a 25 cent ring, or no ring at all -- just the way he phrased it, that we'll only be "legitimate" in the eyes of our parents, etc, if there was a ring. I honestly only found PS because I was looking at Diamond Nexus Labs and Moissanite (I couldn't justify the cost of a diamond, since I'd be happy with anything shiny), but he hates the thought of a "fake" diamond and insists on getting a real one. He's not into the idea of "promise rings" because he feels the the promise has already been made and he'd rather just buy one ring and have it be that -- which I agree with.

But yes, after this much time, he'd be fine telling people without a ring. I just want it out of my system -- writing it out in PS helped out a lot.

Oh, and we'd only be getting married in 4 years, so he doesn't see the rush of anything. I wouldn't either... if he didn't ask me... twice. :sick:
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,283
Wow, so he's keeping you around with the promise of a ring...2-3 times now? And you aren't supposed to tell anyone? And you'll get married in 4 years? :???:

Don't you feel that you deserve a bit more than some super lame but kind of romantic and secretive proposals? Maybe you're into that sort of thing, but personally I would never put up with that crap from someone. Romance shouldn't involve guessing all the time whether your SO is going to follow through on his promises, or making him "take it back" when you figure out that he's not going to. What happens in 4 years when you still don't have a ring? It will be really romantic and tragic to look back and see that you've wasted 4-8 years (I don't know the length of time you'll be in school) with a guy who won't even make his intentions public knowledge. You'll have some amazing fodder for a good drugstore romance novel, though!
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,283
Also. I don't hear ANYTHING about what YOU want in your posts. It's all about him and what he thinks is best. He doesn't want to spend $4-5k on a ring? You're fine with that. He "cringes" at the word "ring" now? So you've taken to changing the verbage to "shiny" instead? Ok, tell me all the positive things about this dude before I really start to dislike him.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
monarch64 said:
Wow, so he's keeping you around with the promise of a ring...2-3 times now? And you aren't supposed to tell anyone? And you'll get married in 4 years? :???:

Don't you feel that you deserve a bit more than some super lame but kind of romantic and secretive proposals? Maybe you're into that sort of thing, but personally I would never put up with that crap from someone. Romance shouldn't involve guessing all the time whether your SO is going to follow through on his promises, or making him "take it back" when you figure out that he's not going to. What happens in 4 years when you still don't have a ring? It will be really romantic and tragic to look back and see that you've wasted 4-8 years (I don't know the length of time you'll be in school) with a guy who won't even make his intentions public knowledge. You'll have some amazing fodder for a good drugstore romance novel, though!

Ditto. What a ridiculous situation. The bottom line is that you're not engaged. If you have no ring and no one else knows you're engaged, that means you're just dating the guy.

The boyfriend I had when I was 14 used to tell me we were going to get married but that didn't mean we were engaged. (Plus I knew there was no way we were going to get married, but that's neither here nor there.)
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
monarch64 said:
Also. I don't hear ANYTHING about what YOU want in your posts. It's all about him and what he thinks is best. He doesn't want to spend $4-5k on a ring? You're fine with that. He "cringes" at the word "ring" now? So you've taken to changing the verbage to "shiny" instead? Ok, tell me all the positive things about this dude before I really start to dislike him.

First off, LOL to the drugstore romance novel fodder! I've basically been "bugging" him about the whole ring situation for almost a year now, so that's why he cringes. I've found a great stone and my dream setting for less than 3k... lucky me, oh and I'm willing to help pay for it too (I'm not sure if that's taboo in PS...)

What I want? I want to share my love for him with the world. I want my parents to stop thinking that I'll end up with "the next guy." I truly have my heart set on him and though we won't be married for a while, it's more practical (I want to get my masters

Okay, so he IS a wonderful guy and we do have a great relationship. Kind of long distance (on top of it all, haha :rodent: ) and we don't see each other all too often.
I'm in Metro NYC, he's at the end of Long Island (works in the Hamptons, doesn't have Hamptons-style income though-- helps people with mental disabilities). We're 70 miles and 5.5 years apart. We met in May of 2008 and courted me for 8 months later. According to him, he wanted to ask me to marry him on our first date -- so really, he'd been "waiting" :roll:
Aside from work, he's a student, and a great musician in a 4-piece alternative rock band-- his dream is to make it, of course. 8-)
He was all set to actually buy me a ring, but then his band went into the studio and are now recording an EP which is costing them 4k.
He's paying for half of it himself (and would be willing to front it all). Music is #1, though he assures me that I'm #1, the distance and time apart makes it seem like we're living double lives.
He can be the sweetest man in the world, but he's genuinely oblivious to how much this all bothers me.

Most romantic/sweet thing he's ever done:
I went to TJ Maxx and totally fell in love with a fedora-style hat. Pure felt, purple lining, beautiful! However, price tag $100. For a hat, that's ridiculous, especially in TJs. But I nonetheless told him about it. About a week later he was on his way to pick me up (I don't drive) and called ahead and said that he was in a bit of traffic. ~20 minutes later he calls to say he's here. I peek into the car and see that he's wearing the hat :love:
He didn't care how much it cost, just that it made me so happy.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
First off, welcome! :wavey:

I have a couple of thoughts, but I'm curious about one thing before I start rambling! Would you mind sharing your age, and that of your BF for perspective?
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
tammy77 said:
First off, welcome! :wavey:

I have a couple of thoughts, but I'm curious about one thing before I start rambling! Would you mind sharing your age, and that of your BF for perspective?

Thanks Tammy! :wavey:
Surely. Hope the non-judgement clause prevails, and let me preface that everything was perfectly fine and going at a lovely steady pace before he proposed. I'm 19 and he's 24.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
19,283
I understand what you're saying, WD. But I seriously get a little worried when I see such a huge discrepancy regarding where two people are in their relationship and what they're willing to do to solidify their commitment to each other. You want a really pretty ring, and he's withholding not only a nice ring, but the ability to share your commitment with the world. It's nice that he bought you a hat. But, any random guy can buy you a hat! This guy needs to do something to really show you that his intentions are true.

I get that he's busy and stretched thin. I just think that where there's a will, there's a way. I also think it's really selfish of him to keep dangling marriage in front of you with these proposals.

Think about what you'd tell your best friend if she were in your same situation and asked for advice.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
Did you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" or even see the movie? The main theory in it goes like this- if he's not asking you out, he's not interested. No excuses, no "he's busy at work" or doesn't have time. If a guy is interested, he will do whatever needs to be done to see you.

I see this as a good parallel with your situation. If he REALLY wants be engaged to you (and eventually marry you), he would have made it official. He would have bought you a ring, any ring, and told everyone about it.

I'm not sure why he did the whole proposal thing a year ago, that's sort of weird. And mean. Think about it- if he hadn't done it, you wouldn't have looked at rings or been in this disappointing situation. And if you met in 2008, you haven't been together an obscene amount of time. Plus you're young...so you would have probably expected a proposal in several years. But he went ahead and did it anyway, only to string you along.

One thing I've learned about guys is they are action people. Come to them with a problem and they don't want to discuss it, they want to take care of it. I would try to focus on his actions more than what he says. If he's saying he wants to marry you but isn't doing anything to show you, I wouldn't believe it.
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
monarch64 said:
I understand what you're saying, WD. But I seriously get a little worried when I see such a huge discrepancy regarding where two people are in their relationship and what they're willing to do to solidify their commitment to each other. You want a really pretty ring, and he's withholding not only a nice ring, but the ability to share your commitment with the world. It's nice that he bought you a hat. But, any random guy can buy you a hat! This guy needs to do something to really show you that his intentions are true.

I get that he's busy and stretched thin. I just think that where there's a will, there's a way. I also think it's really selfish of him to keep dangling marriage in front of you with these proposals.

Think about what you'd tell your best friend if she were in your same situation and asked for advice.


Well, we did do something to "solidify" our relationship. We each wrote our votes and recited them to one another and now each have one half of an ammonite piece. Having an actual wedding and actually getting married isn't a big priority-- if it was, we'd go down to city hall. I'd truly rather live with him. I get financial aid and I'm afraid that I'd lose it by getting married. But because he proposed twice, I now yearn for the title of engaged. I don't mind a long engagement, I just mind that I feel like I'm doing it alone. He loved calling me his fiancee before I made him take it back. I guess it would be different if I saw him more often.

And AMC, yes I saw the movie. He's not really stringing me along, it's just this ring topic that is completely one-sided. And yes, if he hadn't proposed everything would be different, but as much as I made him take it back, I'll never be able to forget it. Yes, I was definitely not expecting anything like this for a while, though my mother got married at 17.

*shrugs* :|
 

kateydid05

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 10, 2010
Messages
248
WD, I am sorry but I am seeing red flags all over the post. I would suggest sitting down and discussing this with him. You guys clearly have a problem with communication. Your intentions appear to be different than his and I get the impression that you do not really want to be engaged right now. Judging only by what I see here, I would suggest holding off for awhile and get back to the basics of being in a relationship. In your last post you said I'd truly rather live with him. I am not saying that's the way to go either, but it should give you some perspective on where you stand personally. In my opinion, if he is being secretive, and has not produced a ring (which is his excuse for not being officially engaged) then yeah, you are just dating. If was ready, he would've given some more of an indication. By you making him take the proposal back, I think you see the warning signs too. All I can say for myself is that at 19, I was a completely different person than I am now at age 25. I had things I wanted to get done for myself before settling down. I happen to have stayed together with the same man and we have grown together. It does not always happen that way. Just really think it all through and TALK to him and don't let him "cringe" if it is about your future, regardless of a shiny outcome or not.



Eh, I am not saying getting engaged/married young is bad, but perhaps in this situation, it requires A LOT more thought and discussion.
 

beezygal

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 26, 2010
Messages
1,539
I think he's overwhelmed with all the ring info. When I was ring shopping with my bf, he got upset that I talk about it ALL THE TIME. We would be looking at rings every weekend. He's like "is that all you talk about now?" Even though he was excited to find a ring and get engaged, he doesn't want me to keep on bugging him about it. We would argue over getting a ring. Then, I found PS. I've decided that I'll just find a perfect diamond with all the help here. Occasionally, I'll keep him updated with the possible diamonds and that's it. Then, after getting help from Rocky Talky, I found the perfect diamond I want. I told him about it and we looked at it in person and bought it. This way, I get to find what I want within his budget and he is not bothered by all the diamond talk. He doesn't care about the diamond as long as it's something I love and within a reasonable price range.

Maybe you shouldn't bug him anymore. Bug us. We'll be happy to talk to you about anything. Good luck! :lol: Welcome to the club!
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
Kateydid, I understand what you're saying. But I guess I just put it all in the wrong light. I wrote that I'd rather live with him because then I'd get the opportunity to see him. We talk every day, but telephonal communications truly pale in comparison. I can never get the "mood" right and it's impossible to have a legitimate conversation without someone mishearing/misunderstanding/falling asleep.
We do have a great relationship. If I was just able to communicate with him, it would be even better and I'm sure things would be "as they should." Perhaps being engaged now isn't a good idea, but good communication skills are important no matter what stage you are in a relationship.
I made him take it back because of a true hatred for stagnation. That, and again miscommunication/lack-of communication.
Also, I would like to just TALK about it with him, but given that I see him seldomly, it's almost always the "wrong time." Hopefully I'll see him this weekend and all will settle (at least a little.)

LOL beezygal :wavey:
Thanks for the welcome! I'll surely be keeping my "shiny" talk here for a while.
That "try it before you buy it" from Eternity Diamonds is nice... ;-)
:lol:
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
Just out of curiosity, how far apart do you guys live? I know you said something about NYC, but I've never been there so I don't really have a grasp on what travel time would be for you. And how often do you see each other?
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
Thanks for the reply. That's a pretty good distance. Ugh, I hate long distance relationships.
 

shihtzulover

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 30, 2010
Messages
717
I used to live on Long Island, and 10 minutes in the car seemed like an insanely long time.

Then we moved down south, and it's much more common for things to be much further apart. My boyfriend lives about (or maybe a little over) an hour and fifteen minutes away (by car) and we don't consider it to be long distance at all. In fact, that crazy man drives all the way to see me almost every day (he works from home, so that probably helps a lot, because he's not exhausted from being at the office all day). :)

I moved to an even further place for a job (that turned out to be wrong for me) - he STILL came to come visit me almost every day, even in very heavy highway traffic - and it was a slightly longer drive.

I know, he's insane. :)

Anyway, sorry - I was just pointing out how odd it is that we don't consider it to be long distance at all, yet I remember being in NY and dreading anything that took 10 minutes or longer.
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
Yeah, AMC, I didn't want to consider it long distance, but then in comparison to how often I see him... it makes it harder. Last I saw him was the 20th :/

Shihtzulover, see, it wouldn't be that bad, but I don't drive. I'm sure it would be different if I drove, but taking the train for 3 hours doesn't really make a daily commute possible.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
Ok, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you have SERIOUS COMMUNICATION problem with your man. That is a HUGE problem in a relationship and is a definite red flag about your relationship and it shows in your problem right here. You said yourself you don't get his "mood" right on the phone and have a hard time having a real communciation/conversation with him over the phone and he hates the e-mailing back and forth...yet these are your main ways of communication right now. If the two of you are having such communication issues....then you should not be "engaged" right now. You are obviously not on the same page at all and it seems this "secret engagment" is causing more stress and problems.....when it should be the happiest time of your life...full of excitement, sharing the story and your ring, and planning, etc.

I don't even know if you can say you are engaged since you are not allowed to tell anyone, and he hasn't really given you a ring- any ring-as a symbol of this serious commitment. You said you two wrote vows to each other, said them and then took half of ---something, sorry I forget--- while that seems really sweet and sentimental, to be honest it sounds like something I did with my HS sweetheart while in HS- for valentines day or an anniversary... not an engagement. I understand you are very young, and you are in love, but I don't know if a real engagement is the thing your relationship needs right now.


The two of you need to seriously talk about this- is this more of a "promise" symbol that he is serious with you and intends to eventually marry you, or is this an engagement where you are setting a date...1 or 2 years from now, planning a wedding, and sharing this joy with everyone.

Ring: the ring is not the issue. You could get a 200 ring, but the fact that he won't even get you a "temporary" ring- many PSers received a small ring.... .25 carats, simple setting.... something inexpensive relatively speaking, even a second hand ring from EBay (I bought one for fun.... .47 OEC solitaire in a white gold setting for 175 on ebay. So maybe having the dream ring isnt in the cards right now, but something, even if its just announcing to family.... to show this is real.

I think age isn't an issue, but right now this scenario is screaming to me that you are young, in love, and the two of you are not at the same place right now. I have been with my FI now since I was 13 years old (now 25) and we just got engaged. You can be young and with someone, but you don't need to rush into getting engaged until you are both SERIOUS about being engaged and ready for what that entails. We waited to get engaged until we were emotionally and financially ready to actual set a date, plan a wedding, get a ring, and move forward. for the past 12 years we have been in a serious committed relationship, enjoying our time together, in love, and always communicating our feelings, fears, and dreams...that is why we have lasted so long.

If you are both serious about this...there is no need to rush into an engagement, since you plan on being together forever, you have forever to be together before having to rush into something that you can't even tell your family about.

wishing you the best...
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
Update:

We talked. Finally he said the words "we're not ready to be engaged yet."
To which logically I replied, "then why did you propose.... twice?"
He explained, as all of you did, that there shouldn't be any rush.
I of course agree, but still "why did he propose?"
So it's been decided that it'll happen when it'll happen, with no pressure or anything of the sort.
This absolutely does take a lot of pressure off of a would-be perfectly normal relationship (if not for the proposals)

So the big answer to "WHY?!" is that he just felt so overwhelmingly in love in those moments that he couldn't contain his desire to spend his life with me, marry me, etc.

Nonetheless, thank you so much for all of your opinions (though some quite difficult to read).

Communication > Shiny.

(although I did get those two rings from eternity diamonds (try it before you buy it) and COMPLETELY fell in love with their Roxanne setting. :D )

- Waking Dreams
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
wakingdreams53 said:
Update:

We talked. Finally he said the words "we're not ready to be engaged yet."
To which logically I replied, "then why did you propose.... twice?"
He explained, as all of you did, that there shouldn't be any rush.
I of course agree, but still "why did he propose?"
So it's been decided that it'll happen when it'll happen, with no pressure or anything of the sort.
This absolutely does take a lot of pressure off of a would-be perfectly normal relationship (if not for the proposals)

So the big answer to "WHY?!" is that he just felt so overwhelmingly in love in those moments that he couldn't contain his desire to spend his life with me, marry me, etc.

Nonetheless, thank you so much for all of your opinions (though some quite difficult to read).

Communication > Shiny.

(although I did get those two rings from eternity diamonds (try it before you buy it) and COMPLETELY fell in love with their Roxanne setting. :D )

- Waking Dreams


I've been following this and I think this is the best thing you guys could have done. I'm glad you are understanding of his feelings and are willing to walk through this with him. Everything will fall into place.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Wonderful update, and very good decision! Enjoy your time as a young couple in love, it's a wonderful thing that shouldn't be rushed! :bigsmile:
 

wakingdreams53

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
891
Thank you Tammy and AutumnNovember!

AutumnNovember, interesting fact I've noticed, we have similar ethnic relationships! I am "Russian," former USSR, so Ukraine. SO is half Italian half Irish (and has some German in him). Just thought it was cute :lol:
 

Autumnovember

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
4,384
wakingdreams53 said:
Thank you Tammy and AutumnNovember!

AutumnNovember, interesting fact I've noticed, we have similar ethnic relationships! I am "Russian," former USSR, so Ukraine. SO is half Italian half Irish (and has some German in him). Just thought it was cute :lol:


No way, really?!!? Thats is so interesting!!! It's funny because I met my SO when I was your age!

SO told me something interesting...

The other day he told one of the nurses he works with that we got engaged. She told him that when he told her about me three years ago she knew that we would get married. He asked why, and she told him that Russian girls never let go of something they love ;-) I had to agree. Do you speak Russian?
 
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top