Jewellery at a funeral

[emeraldhummingbird]

Please help. I'm on my way to a funeral and wearing a small coloured stone solitaire pendant. Should I take it off or am I really overthinking it? Is it disrespectful?
I'm wearing full black everything else..
Thanks

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you might be overthinking it a little but if you’re uncomfortable about it I would take it off to be on the safe side, if you have somewhere to put it. Or perhaps tuck it in so it’s not visible?

 

[MamaBee]

I‘m sorry...I think as long as you are wearing a small amount you are fine. I wouldn’t deck out with everything I have...but a pendant is definitely fine. Like the previous poster said above..tuck it in your blouse if you feel uncomfortable.

 

[emeraldhummingbird]

Thank you both. I put it on because I felt super plain without *something*, but maybe that's the point of funeral attire?
I just didn't want to be super inappropriate.

Thanks again.

 

[missy]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think what you’re wearing is appropriate. Tasteful and subtle. You have nothing to be self conscious about.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

i understand funeral etiquette to be attire free of color. if choosing to wear jewelry, white pearls or white diamonds. minimal jewelry and sombre attire. culture plays a large part in funeral etiquette, as well. i don't feel you are over thinking it. in fact, i feel you are quite considerate.

What to Wear To a Funeral

Funeral Etiquette What to Wear To a Funeral At some point in life, everyone will have to pick out an outfit to wear to a funeral. Every small detail counts. How a person dresses reflects their respect for the deceased. Although your presence is more important than what you look like in this...

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[missy]

@Big Fat Facets interesting. I think some of that is perhaps outdated.

I googled funeral attire 2020.

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[Daisys and Diamonds]

@Big Fat Facets interesting. I think some of that is perhaps outdated.

I googled funeral attire 2020.

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i always choose the wrong shoes and end up in agony in bair feet
when my dad died i told the undertaker i was not going to dress like Rose Kennedy and he laughed

worst thing ever i once went to a funeral of my workmate's sister unexpectedly as i had been told only 2 people could go - never mind i actually worked right beside the lady
anyway some one was sick so i got sent along
omg i wear denam shorts (not too short to work)
i imaged my parents being mortified
the sister was only 50 in a small village so it was a huge funneral
we went in our uniforms as per company orders
alot of my customers where there
i had steel cap work boots on
nobody cared
my freind was just glad to see everyone
but i still feel bad

 

[missy]

i always choose the wrong shoes and end up in agony in bair feet
when my dad died i told the undertaker i was not going to dress like Rose Kennedy and he laughed

worst thing ever i once went to a funeral of my workmate's sister unexpectedly as i had been told only 2 people could go - never mind i actually worked right beside the lady
anyway some one was sick so i got sent along
omg i wear denam shorts (not too short to work)
i imaged my parents being mortified
the sister was only 50 in a small village so it was a huge funneral
we went in our uniforms as per company orders
alot of my customers where there
i had steel cap work boots on
nobody cared
my freind was just glad to see everyone
but i still feel bad

The most important thing is that you show up for your friend. Don’t worry about the other stuff. It’s just peripheral noise. All that really matters is you’re there to support the loved ones of the deceased.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Please help. I'm on my way to a funeral and wearing a small coloured stone solitaire pendant. Should I take it off or am I really overthinking it? Is it disrespectful?
I'm wearing full black everything else..
Thanks

im sorry you have a funeral to go to
the world is sad enough right now without more peope dying

i am sure the family and freinds will just be glad you are there
we live in a much more infornal world than even 20 years ago
i would think if you usually wear jewlery when you dress up you will be fine
my best freind Deborah hated shoes but she wore shoes to both my mum and dad's funeral (many years apart) we made her take them off - she had a pretty dress on so she didn't look like she was off to the beach

she got up and spoke at mum's funeral about how much my dad loved my mum
my mum and dad used to laugh at her no shoes and would have wanted her to be comfortable and to be herself

nobody needs to dress like Queen Victoria in 2020

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

The most important thing is that you show up for your friend. Don’t worry about the other stuff. It’s just peripheral noise. All that really matters is you’re there to support the loved ones of the deceased.

exactly
no one close to the deceased even remembers what anyone wears
although back in 1978 my aunty did wear a backlase sundress to my grandma's funeral and my other aunty was mortified - but it isnt 1978 any longer

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I live in an area where it isn't even expected for people to wear black. There isn't a specific dress code. I certainly wouldn't wear a cocktail dress or jeans, but a casual dress or pants outfit is just fine here. I'd wear my normal everyday earrings, pendant, rings, and a bracelet or a watch....whatever I'd normally wear with the kind of clothes I am wearing.

I do get there are cultural differences, though, and perhaps that is what you are concerned about.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

@diamondseeker2006

this is very interesting...

we were at a funeral just last year. it was during the summer. the men wore full morning suit and tie. women wore black knee length or longer dress or skirt with jacket. didn't see too much jewelry and minimal makeup

how different things are just based on location..

 

[Polabowla]

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[missy]

We attended the funeral of my MIL a couple of months ago. Many were wearing black or dark colors but there was much variety. Though most of the men were wearing suits.

The one difference was the new facial attire.

The new 2020 look.
For almost all occasions.




@emeraldhummingbird I hope the day is going ok for you. Keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[aac2013]

Over the last few years I have been to several funerals and would say my experience has been similar to diamondseeker2006. While some traditionalists stuck to black, many wore other muted tones (even family members of the departed) and nothing felt amiss. It sounds as if you are already planning to attend in traditional attire so I think the small pendent is safe.

Edited to convey my condolences for your loss.

 

[emeraldhummingbird]

Well it turns out I needn't have worried as much as I did over a simple pendant. People were wearing huge logo t-shirts, jeans, red ties. I was very surprised. I was definitely one of the most formal people there.

 

[emeraldhummingbird]

We attended the funeral of my MIL a couple of months ago. Many were wearing black or dark colors but there was much variety. Though most of the men were wearing suits.

The one difference was the new facial attire.

The new 2020 look.
For almost all occasions.




@emeraldhummingbird I hope the day is going ok for you. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Thanks @missy that photo with the masks made me smile. It was certainly a similar look to that today with everyone required to wear masks the whole time

 

[dk168]

I stick with black, grey and white, including my accessories and jewellery.

No coloured stones.

Have a look at the outfits of the British Royal Family during Remembrance Sunday in November - the only colour they wear is red as in red poppies.

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Well it turns out I needn't have worried as much as I did over a simple pendant. People were wearing huge logo t-shirts, jeans, red ties. I was very surprised. I was definitely one of the most formal people there.

we went to a funneral of Gary's aunt a couple of years back and were stocked at the casual attire
we're talking jandles (flip flops) and ripped jeans

 

[emeraldhummingbird]

we went to a funneral of Gary's aunt a couple of years back and were stocked at the casual attire
we're talking jandles (flip flops) and ripped jeans

Haha I guess it's a good way to celebrate life if you think about it.. by wearing whatever you damn feel like

 

[Big Fat Facets]

I stick with black, grey and white, including my accessories and jewellery.

No coloured stones.

Have a look at the outfits of the British Royal Family during Remembrance Sunday in November - the only colour they wear is red as in red poppies.

DK

i feel dressing appropriately is a form of good manners and rudimentary respect. a demonstrative respect for self and others, especially, at a funeral. i'd much rather error on the side of formal and traditional than appear disrespectful and ill mannered

no color. no colored stones.

 

[missy]

i feel dressing appropriately is a form of good manners and rudimentary respect. a demonstrative respect for self and others, especially at a funeral. i'd much rather error on the side of formal and traditional than appear disrespectful and ill mannered

I agree with you. I would always rather err on the side of too formal vs too casual.
Whatever is the norm in one's area.

 

[missy]

Thanks @missy that photo with the masks made me smile. It was certainly a similar look to that today with everyone required to wear masks the whole time

I'm glad people were smart about it and I am relieved for you it went smoothly. We live in strange times. Again, I am sorry for your loss and you were very thoughtful and considerate to be concerned about what was appropriate to wear for the day.

 

[Tartansparkles]

i feel dressing appropriately is a form of good manners and rudimentary respect. a demonstrative respect for self and others, especially, at a funeral. i'd much rather error on the side of formal and traditional than appear disrespectful and ill mannered

no color. no colored stones.

I have been to funerals where the deceased (in a prior statement of their wishes) or the family has specifically requested - no black. Some people prefer a funeral to be a celebration of life, I find this to be more so, and more colourful events, when the deceased has been younger or a child. I imagine cultures and location will play a part in this.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

@Tartansparkles
if the deceased wishes for a celebration of life or if the family specifically requests, then those wishes should be honored.
however, i believe op is not in that type of circumstance which is why she posted a thread asking for opinions to address her concerns.
personally, i have not been to a funeral that was a celebration of life. they have all been rather formal somber events. yes, culture, location as well as social circle influence how funerals are held and conducted

 

[emeraldhummingbird]

@Tartansparkles
if the deceased wishes for a celebration of life or if the family specifically requests, then those wishes should be honored.
however, i believe op is not in that type of circumstance which is why she posted a thread asking for opinions to address her concerns.
personally, i have not been to a funeral that was a celebration of life. they have all been rather formal somber events. yes, culture, location as well as social circle influence how funerals are held and conducted

@Big Fat Facets It definitely wasn't intended to be a "celebration of life" type, although the funeral was for my grandfather. So while I'm family and I probably could have dictated my own outfit, I still worried about what judgy aunties might have thought. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to say anything to my mum when she had enough to deal with.

I appreciate the articles you posted earlier. I think next time I would definitely err on the side of caution and keep to colourless jewellery. Normally I would do pearls but I've been loving my emerald pendant lately and it might've just been a happy, comforting thing to reach for.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

@Big Fat Facets It definitely wasn't intended to be a "celebration of life" type, although the funeral was for my grandfather. So while I'm family and I probably could have dictated my own outfit, I still worried about what judgy aunties might have thought. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to say anything to my mum when she had enough to deal with.

I appreciate the articles you posted earlier. I think next time I would definitely err on the side of caution and keep to colourless jewellery. Normally I would do pearls but I've been loving my emerald pendant lately and it might've just been a happy, comforting thing to reach for.

yes, i completely understand seeking comfort. it is a difficult time for you, your family, and especially your mother ...

i am so very glad the articles were helpful to you!

you show a great deal of care and consideration. your mother did a fine job, she raised you well

 

[Polabowla]

@missy I'm sorry for the loss of your mil.

 

[missy]

@missy I'm sorry for the loss of your mil.

Thank you so much @Polabowla. I still have a hard time believing she’s gone. It happened so fast. Cancer su**s.