Is this weird? A "divorce shower?"

[monarch64]

Late to the party here, but I'd just make a public Amazon wishlist and call it a day. It would make me feel weird for people to have a get together with the occasion being a divorce, and obviously I've been there. After my first divorce I went out and bought all the pink kitchen utensils, gadgets, appliances, etc. I could find because that ex was so controlling and rude about the color pink. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable and don't feel pressured into this divorce shower thing; you've been through enough already without the added stress of people being weird.

 

[partgypsy]

Well do what feels right to you. It is nice to have some way for people to support you. I remember me and a friend took another friend who was just fresh from her divorce on a trip to Ikea. It was fun to look at all the pretty new things, the dream kitchens, etc. I bought her a few small things but it was more about imagining a new life in a positive way.

 

[ame]

@ame is going to have the most fabulous wishlist. I know it. Please don't put Matthew McConaughey on it.

When @lovedogs put a gofundme together after that former-human-now-ashes-in-a-metal-container-in-a-cement-wall aka husband, died, I first panicked because I didn't want people to think I was in financial fires. No problem, I told everyone that, and they understood. And I'm so thankful she did it because the little pledges of $$ here and there meant a lot. The notes that accompanied them meant even more, like @Resonance.Of.Life saying, "for your chocolate croissants".

And the super lovingly packaged theme based care package i got from @ame... <3 I needed support and she gave it in her own special way.

Yeah a divorce shower is not common, BUT the fact that she has friends and family around her, actively trying to find creative ways to rally around her, really warms my heart. That's the least she deserves.

Why is there no HUG smilie anymore?!!!

Late to the party here, but I'd just make a public Amazon wishlist and call it a day. It would make me feel weird for people to have a get together with the occasion being a divorce, and obviously I've been there. After my first divorce I went out and bought all the pink kitchen utensils, gadgets, appliances, etc. I could find because that ex was so controlling and rude about the color pink. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable and don't feel pressured into this divorce shower thing; you've been through enough already without the added stress of people being weird.

That's for sure. I mean, sure if people want to help me out, but I don't need any extra weirdness.

 

[monarch64]

Why is there no HUG smilie anymore?!!!


That's for sure. I mean, sure if people want to help me out, but I don't need any extra weirdness.

@ame I’d make the drive to you just to help you set up your new digs and/or celebrate your newfound freedom. No actual occasion necessary.

 

[ame]

@ame I’d make the drive to you just to help you set up your new digs and/or celebrate your newfound freedom. ❤ No actual occasion necessary.

And Ill buy the food!

 

[LemonMoonLex]

Yes you're right, I some how wrote that very obtusely and changed topic from commenting on the previous post to saying something more general about how happy I would be to attend a divorce party (and bring a gift) midway through the post. Sorry I am supposed to be working as I have so much to do this weekend -- and I am bored lol. So I wrote it(/am writing) extremely poorly.

I thought that there were two distinct situations and the post maybe didn't distinguish between them. (a) youre young and moving out for the first time and just need to gather the funds to set yourself up for your amazing new life. And we throw a housewarming party to get you on your feet and pad your pockets a little. (b) you need to start again, you probably have enough funds to stock the kitchen for your amazing new life (and the money may not really be the immediate barrier) but you really need your friends and family to rally around you now as it is daunting to start again. And a party is about supporting you emotionally as much as anything else.

(a) is very much the vibe I got off the post, sort of like the world is your oyster and the parents are trying to help the little bird out of the nest -- I guess this comes from my background and fond memories of my parents holding my hand repeatedly. (failing was about having temporary set backs where I set dinner on fire yet again, or ummm didn't know I needed to transfer a bond before I picked up the keys for my new apartment. Whoops no appartment for me, lol.). It's sweet and the gift of our 20s that we have such loving memories.

(b) is where I would go in to bat for someone. I can't imagine losing my marriage -- I am so sorry ame. Yet I can think of so many things were I just want a bunch of people to come celebrate the change with me, cause otherwise there is a decent chance I'll cry my way through the event instead. I would send someone presents/(a gift) in this situation not because I wanted to furnish their house, but because I wanted them to look at the kitchen counter and remember all the people that care about them (and I wouldn't see it as having anything to do with crowd funding/sourcing a new kitchen. Rather to do with the fact that we all know life is a really hot mess most of the time. Sh*t you did a good job pulling it together, and now we are going to celebrate this fact.)

I think this is because I inherently see (a) and (b) as so very very different in intent, meaning, and circumstance.

Hello! Sorry I never replied: although your clarification helped me to understand what you were saying I suppose that I still didn't understand how it applied to my original comment and I thought that taking some time to digest it would help but I'm still a bit confused.

I never said nor do I believe that her family and friends shouldn't rally around her, I even said that she should take any help if asked, if she needed any. I just expressed my personal opinion (which was asked for) about the concept of a divorce shower. I think that whether you are a young woman like concept (a) you created OR concept (b) that the sentiment of being your own savior and doing whatever is necessary to feed yourself and furnish your own place still applies.

Of course they are different scenarios, as one occurs earlier and the other later in life, but I don't think that makes my comment or what could be seen as a mini pep talk (lol) any less efficient. I'm willing to bet that OP Is an incredibly strong woman and with the emotional support of her friends & family can get through anything, I just personally don't favor the idea of a divorce shower. That is all

Oh & if it helps I'm closer to your (b) concept but have never been through a divorce. I cannot imagine how painful it would feel & I carry an incredible amount of empathy for anyone who does and has that strength. ♥

OP, I hope that as each day passes things get a little easier for you!

 

[PintoBean]

@ame could you please gift us with a close up of your Lo-Pans?

 

[RunningwithScissors]

I'm sorry you are going through this @ame. Hugs to you!

I went through a painful divorce. I think @Garnetgirl's sentiment works for all ages, not just the young.

I've watched my real life friends reinvent themselves in their 40's, 50's and 60's due to their own divorces and ensuing financial struggles. Without exception, each woman was better for it in the long run. Each found themselves, each found new careers and each eventually found a better, more loving partner. Each woman was stronger and wiser in the end.

The best advise I can think of is focus on your own daily well being and allow yourself to dream about what will make your life better long term and plan for how to reach your goals. Also, maintain your dignity. No matter how awful an ex or their friends/family behaves, don't sink to that level. No tit-for-tat.

Its not fun to start over, it sucks royally, but attitude and hard work in the right direction are everything. For me, the experience of my divorce gave me a renewed belief in myself because no one else was there to save me. I proved to myself that I could do anything I set my mind to. And the experience, that I could be okay alone, emotionally, financially and logistically, allowed me to find a wonderful life partner later on down the road. I was able to select someone from a place of security and belief in myself.

Do whatever you need to do, trust your instincts and know that "this too shall pass." It really will get better. You'll be stronger and freer on the other side of this. Yes, starting over is awful, but you can find some silver linings in it if you look for it -- you and only you are in charge of your life.