Is this weird? A "divorce shower?"

[ame]

My divorce is nowhere near settled, and I can't get move out of my parent's house until it is. I have never lived on my own before, it's either been with my parents or with some dumb boy, so this will be my first time on my own, and I didn't take much when I left so I will have to get pretty much everything but a bed and a dresser and a tv and a desk. Like I have no kitchen stuff...nothing. Which is both exciting and daunting.

My aunt and one of my older cousins both think I should "register" and have a "divorce shower" so my family and friends can buy me some of the stuff I need to start over. I think that's...weird. I mean if it was a friend or family member of mine I would probably gladly gift them something, but I think someone hosting such a thing and especially the registering part...super weird. Is this even a thing?

 

[december-fire]

I'm sorry you're going through a divorce. Even if both people are much better off going their separate ways, its still difficult for many reasons - including the practical aspect of establishing a new living environment.

Its very thoughtful of your aunt and cousin to think about the fact that you'll need some household items.

Perhaps they can let close family and friends know that they're going to get a few things to help you get re-established. They can also mention that they have a list of items that you could choose, and a convenient date will be determined to give you the items - unless you feel its more appropriate not to state a specific day, and people can simply give you items when they choose - if they choose to purchase something for you.

Some people might think a 'Divorce Shower' and registering for items is a great idea.
Others might not agree.

I'd avoid the term 'Divorce Shower'.

 

[dk168]

In the days when peeps would start a fund raising page to help pay for cosmetic surgery, honeymoon, weddings, and other what I personally considered as non-essential/third world issues, then no, a divorce shower does not seem unreasonable.

How about starting a Wish List on the likes of Amazon, and you can direct your family and friends to your list? You don't need to mention anything about your divorce.

Good luck with the next chapter in your book.

DK

 

[Arcadian]

Well my friend had a Getting Unhitched party....lol The decision for you to have one is really up to you.

If you're glad to be rid of him and you want to celebrate that, sure why not? I was one of her friends that she kept after the divorce (and yes there were plenty who disapproved, like it was any of their business)

 

[Bron357]

It is a “thing” and most people like to give gifts. A registry helps in that people who want to give you a gift get you something you want and need.
so why not.
But call it a “Starting Over” party.

 

[december-fire]

It is a “thing” and most people like to give gifts. A registry helps in that people who want to give you a gift get you something you want and need.
so why not.
But call it a “Starting Over” party.

I love the idea of calling it a "Starting Over" party!

 

[Begonia]

I third the "starting over" party!

 

[AGBF]

I love the idea of calling it a "Starting Over" party!

I do, too. I had been thinking "housewarming", but if you have not yet located a new place to live, this may be better.

 

[House Cat]

Love it!

 

[Musia]

I think your friends and family will be also glad to look inside their cabinets and check their garages, and find something that may be useful for you. I personally have too many pots in my kitchen. I rotate them just like the other ladies rotate their rings or other jewelry pieces You will need many big and small things! Wishing you a smooth and as easy as possible start of a new chapter in your life.

 

[seaurchin]

Since you're asking, I'd guess you have reason for doubt? I think the expectations just vary. It used to be (where I'm from anyway) that there were clear "rules" for any social situation. For example, showers were for first weddings and first babies only and you weren't supposed to say what you needed or where you were registered unless you were asked (because you were never supposed to seem like you were expecting a gift).

In a way, I liked the old ways because you always knew what was expected. Now, some family and friend circles are "anything goes" but others are still more old school and anything that hints of requesting money or gifts is frowned upon, aside from those traditional occasions. And, I can't say that's completely wrong because I know one or two who always seem to have their hand out, like the rest of us don't have our own bills to pay. (I know that's not you).

Anyway, if I was concerned about it, I'd consider what the rest of them do and factor that in. So, your aunt and cousin think it's a yes. What do your parents or other nearest and dearest think? Have you been invited to other non-traditional gift-giving things in your circle? How seriously do the people in your circle take this sort of thing and how much do you care about their approval?

Also, does anyone else find what I said here to be true where you are, or not?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

If one of my girlfriends took the step to restart it all I would be HONORED to get her something awesome and preferably of her choosing!

 

[dk168]

FFF Party, as Fun, Free and Flirty?

DK

 

[MeowMeow]

I love the idea! I say go for it! I know if one of my friends was in your place i would want to help her as much as i could. Call it a housewarming if it makes you feel better about it like someone else said

 

[seaurchin]

Yeah, I like "housewarming party" or "starting over party" or something like that better, too. It sounds happier.

 

[AGBF]

Since you're asking, I'd guess you have reason for doubt? I think the expectations just vary. It used to be (where I'm from anyway) that there were clear "rules" for any social situation. For example, showers were for first weddings and first babies only and you weren't supposed to say what you needed or where you were registered unless you were asked (because you were never supposed to seem like you were expecting a gift).

In a way, I liked the old ways because you always knew what was expected. Now, some family and friend circles are "anything goes" but others are still more old school and anything that hints of requesting money or gifts is frowned upon, aside from those traditional occasions. And, I can't say that's completely wrong because I know one or two who always seem to have their hand out, like the rest of us don't have our own bills to pay. (I know that's not you).

Anyway, if I was concerned about it, I'd consider what the rest of them do and factor that in. So, your aunt and cousin think it's a yes. What do your parents or other nearest and dearest think? Have you been invited to other non-traditional gift-giving things in your circle? How seriously do the people in your circle take this sort of thing and how much do you care about their approval?

Also, does anyone else find what I said here to be true where you are, or not?

After reading this posting I know what I would be most comfortable with. I like the idea of it being a housewarming party and also of someone (a friend or a couple of good friends or an aunt) giving the housewarming party for you. A creative invitation could let people know what your situation is without getting too specific (no registry). They can also tell people orally about some of your preferences. That way you will not come off looking as if you are doing something unusual and your friends can give you whatever they like.

 

[PintoBean]

**** the party. People shudder lololol. BUT definitely put together a wishlist on amazon so that people can buy you stuff whether it's for the divorce, birthday or just because.

Also, check if your neighborhood has a buy nothing fb group. Im gonna message you.

 

[PintoBean]

And... I'd give you the shirt off my back (cuz my boobs look great).

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

if it was like an old fashoned shower* it could be so much fun
like not really exspensive items - just all sorts of practical things you really need
i have brought helpful householdy things for friends starting over

it would be nicer if that aunty or cousin just organised it for you

* im thinking of the kitchen and bathroom parties with cake and games friends of the bride's mother used to throw for brides back in the day as opposed to today's bridal showers

 

[Elizabeth35]

I think a Starting Over registry is a good idea. Better that people have an idea what you need.

Maybe you could host a housewarming party at your new place? Knowing your situation I’m sure friends and family would love to gift you.
TBH—I hate attending showers. But I like giving gifts, and having been divorced, I love helping the next person up. I would not want to attend a traditional shower in this situation. I would prefer a housewarming party once you move, and I would bring a generous gift. If you were a good friend I would simply gift you, preferably just the two of us. Just me.

 

[MamaBee]

I would definitely love to help a friend start a new chapter in her life. If it’s a bunch of very close girlfriends and family you could call it whatever you like. I love the idea..

 

[OreoRosies86]

Having gone through a brutal divorce which required an out of state move with young children, I would (looking back on that experience) not think twice about helping a friend with their starting over process. I had a few dedicated friends who basically stocked my entire kitchen, bought me a broom, one of them brought a snow shovel and salt for my walkway. I will NEVER forget it!

 

[GliderPoss]

I'm truly sorry you are going through this. Sending mental hugs. I too, had never lived alone until last year.

I think it's an odd concept as such but I do like the idea of a "housewarming/starting over" party with an optional registry. When I divorced thankfully I got most of the furniture left over in storage as it was my own inherited family pieces. My sisters then joined to give me a bunch of gift vouchers for my birthday for places like IKEA so I could fill any gaps.

I suggest you invite some close girlfriends over and maybe spend a day window shopping to get a feel for what style you want, pieces you need etc. Don't rush this process - YOU get to pick for one exactly what you want.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

its rough. im very sorry you are going through something like that. you have our support and well wishes.

I think your aunt and cousin have such good intentions for you. I love that positive celebratory spin on something difficult and challenging. its really all about perspective. how about call it a "fresh start" nice and fresh.

I love @Musia idea of looking into cupboards and garages for what you might need in addition to starting a registry. that way its a family/community effort and you have inspired something really positive. and your family and friends get to declutter. its a win win!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I’m going to be a bit of a dissenter here and say that to me a “divorce shower” does sound kind of strange. I’ve never seen or heard of one, maybe this is cultural? I have however attended several housewarming parties so that’s an idea I like! I’ve always seen it as throwing a party just before/after officially moving in to the new house. I’ve never seen anyone do a registry, people usually ask what the person needs (either to them or to close friends/family), or give money or gift cards to specific stores.

Best of luck for your future and here’s to a fresh start!

 

[Mekp]

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. Divorce is so hard. I hope for you that things get easier very soon.

I can understand why it seems weird to you. I'm a bit old school in that I don't think one should throw a party in their own honor. I also don't think gifts should ever be requested and what one wants should only be mentioned if someone asks. If someone close to me was going through a hard time I would want to help them and would make that offer privately. I probably wouldn't appreciate them creating a registry as that can seem like asking for/expecting gifts. I personally would be uncomfortable with this.
Your circle may have very different expectations than mine so consider that.

 

[Ally T]

Another vote for wanting to help a friend get back on their feet after such a shitty time. I would be happy & willing to gift something they needed to start over, so I say go for the Starting Over Party!

Big hugs to you. This must be a painful time, but you will get through it & come out the other side in a far happier place.

 

[Queenie60]

Why not? Wishing you a great future - good things to come your way.

 

[dk168]

How about letting PSers help you spec your bits and pieces?

Some of us are very good at spending other people's money!

DK

 

[dk168]

Joking aside, wishing the OP best of luck.

I was lucky with my own divorce as my ex-hubby is a good person with a big generous heart.

DK