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Is it wrong that I am picking out my ring and setting? what did u do?

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courtneyclv

courtneyclv

Shiny_Rock
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Nov 2, 2006
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I would love for my BF to pick out an engagement ring for me, but I am very picky. He is also. ( I wouldn''t even buy him a snowboard jacket because he is picky too!..and that is only a couple hundred dollars!)

Anyways, I know how much I can spend and we are going this Friday to pick out a center stone and setting. I know this will make me more happy in the long run, but I feel kind of bad for not letting him do it. Plus, I am a good researcher and know a lot about the 4 c''s etc. My dear BF is so laid back and wants the easy route for everything..and this is a huge decision!


How much did you take part in getting your ring and are you happy you picked it out, if you did?

Courtney

ps- PLUS, we have been living together for a year already, and have already looked at wedding spots...so its not like I didn''t know and would be surprised with a ring..
 
I''m picking it out but I''m torn... I''d rather he did it, but had he I would have ended up with a poorly cut half carat round from shane company!!!
 
I don''t think it''s a negative thing at all for you to have so much input in the setting/stone/wedding band you will wear for the rest of your life! There are plenty of gals here on PS who''ve gone about finding their perfect ring the same way as you are.

I had almost no input on my e-ring...my DH asked me before he proposed what shape of stone I wanted, and I told him a RB. Back then (4 yrs. ago), I hadn''t found PS, and I didn''t know very much about diamonds, but he made it his mission to educate himself and used his own budget, even though we had lived together for about 5 months at that point. I was pleasantly surprised, and still have the same 1.5, J, SI1 stone he gave me, in a 2.5 mm plain platinum setting. Are there things I would change about it given more $? Yes! Am I glad he picked out the stone and the setting on his own? Yes! However, if 4 yrs. ago I had known as much as I know now about diamonds, the answer to both of those questions would undoubtedly be "no." I would''ve wanted waaaayyy more input, and I don''t see anything wrong with that. Maybe it wouldn''t have been romantic in the same way as knowing nothing at all, but it still would be romantic in the aspect that we went together armed with the same knowledge to buy something that symbolized our love and committment to each other. What it all boils down to is : do whatever you''re comfortable with, and what will make YOU happy at the end of the day.
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Date: 11/8/2006 12:47:08 AM
Author:courtneyclv
I would love for my BF to pick out an engagement ring for me, but I am very picky. He is also. ( I wouldn''t even buy him a snowboard jacket because he is picky too!..and that is only a couple hundred dollars!)

Anyways, I know how much I can spend and we are going this Friday to pick out a center stone and setting. I know this will make me more happy in the long run, but I feel kind of bad for not letting him do it. Plus, I am a good researcher and know a lot about the 4 c''s etc. My dear BF is so laid back and wants the easy route for everything..and this is a huge decision!


How much did you take part in getting your ring and are you happy you picked it out, if you did?

Courtney

ps- PLUS, we have been living together for a year already, and have already looked at wedding spots...so its not like I didn''t know and would be surprised with a ring..
Click to expand...
Nothing wrong in it at all. Better to get what you want, and to make an informed decision. Many times we hear from dissapointed fiancees. If you want him to surprise you, you can always pick a few settings and then let him choose the one. Just make sure you choose the stone since you are the researcher. That seems like a win, win situation to me. If you haven''t already read the tutorials here on cut. Good luck and have fun!!!
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Ha, I picked out my own setting and he was very glad. I am picky too and knew I wanted an unique setting w/ sapphires. It really would have been too much to ask to make him guess what my dream ring was. I figure marriage is a partnership so should the ring that symbolizes marriage be a team effort too?
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Absolutely it is fine for you to select what you like best!!! If you can take a bit more time, though, I''d encourage you to read on here awhile. You can save a lot on a diamond buy buying from one of the recommended vendors on here (and get better quality) and then pick out a setting.
 
I chose my center diamond and designed the setting for it. So I had total input. Some may say it is not romantic but I love my ring to death.

I second what DS said. I would strongly consider looking online because you will undoubtedly get more for you money and much better quality. Going in a single evening and choosing both the diamond and setting sounds a little hasty to me. Please remember that cut is by far the most important factor and know what to look and ask for.
 
I picked out several rings with diamonds I thought were pretty in a wide variety of prices and gave the list to him. He picked the ring that was most beautiful in his eyes. Not only was I confident that the diamond would be pretty, but I really appreciate the fact that the ring is something he liked and is an expression of his taste as well as mine. It just has that much more meaning to me. If I had picked the ring by myself I might have eventually been dissatisfied and wanted to upgrade, but I''ll never want to upgrade this ring! I adore my ring and I''m always admiring it! Besides I did like the surprise factor!

He really didn''t know anything about diamonds so to make life easier, and because I love antique cut diamonds, we decided to stick with one website that had rings already pre-made. Not having to put a diamond and a setting together made things a lot easier.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with you picking out your ring. You have to wear it every single day -- he doesn''t! And if he wants an easy, pain-free route, who can blame him? That doesn''t mean that he loves you any less. It''s just that for some guys -- lots of guys -- spending a gazillion hours researching and shopping for jewelry isn''t their thing. And that''s OK! Some of the guys here on PS can make us all swoon with the countless hours they put into the search and the elaborate surprise proposals, and their perfect taste. Those lucky brides! But the idea that all engagements have to go that way is a romantic myth.

Go on the search, together, for a ring that you love. If his opinion is important to you, get his opinion on what you choose. And then just feel thrilled that you''re getting to marry the person you love AND wear your dream ring, and don''t feel the least bit bad about doing the engagement in the way that works for you guys.

(I picked out and customized my ring and I''m so glad I did.)

Congrats on your upcoming engagement!
 
From a guy''s perspective, I think it''s a good idea that you''re telling him what you like. It definately helps. However, if I were you, give him a few choices so he can, at the very least, surprise you a little.
 
You are the one wearing it and you have to love it for years. I think it''s important that you love and this is more likely to happen when the girl has substantial input. I don''t think there is anything wrong with you picking it out as long as you respect his budget and let me feel like he is included in the process. I picked out my ring and neither him nor I have any regrets. I know more about diamonds, jewelry, and my tastes. It made a lot more sense for me to pick it out.
 
Hubby and I picked out my center stone together; afterwards the sales associate took out a tray of settings, I pointed at one, tried it on and cried, I knew it was the one. He likes it, but it was totally my call. I picked out my wedding ring as well. I didn''t want to know his budget (weird superstition or something I guess) so he shared it with the salesperson and she only showed us items in that price range.
 
I picked my stone and my setting myself and do not regret it for one second!

I love my FI...but I am going to be the one wearing the ring, so I wanted to make sure it was something I absolutely loved...and I do!

I say pick away!!!
 
Well it depends. Is he excited about doing it? Some guys do need help, but it is traditional that you would let him pop the question with a ring as a surprise and he may not feel great about you picking out your own ring...He may feel that it is not very romantic.
It really depends what kind of couple you are though. I know I would have been very dissapointed if my wife had picked it out, but I was very excited about it and I surprised her with it in Times Square after a broadway show. I know other guys that it really has not been a big deal too.. they were not interested in looking for the ring or in the approach.. one guy in particular I know proposed in front of his TV one night while they were watching prime time shows.....not very romantic.
That said... if my fiance wanted to be involved...then ok, because that means she is excited too...Iit would be nice for both people be involved as long as the interest is there for both of you.
Then again, he may not be traditional or may not be interested either. Couples and relationships are all different. Whats right for you may not be right for someone else.
 
If your BF is easygoing and laidback about this, then you have NO reason to feel bad about picking everything out yourself. I''d say that at least 50% of the women on this board (probably more) picked out their own e-rings. There''s nothing wrong with it...you will be the one wearing it forever. Most men are OK with this because the pressure is off, and they are just happy that you''ll be getting exactly what you want.

DH and I picked out our stone and setting together...just the surprise element of the proposal was left to him. Later on, I shopped alone for the re-set, and later on, for my upgrade.
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DH was glad that he didn''t have to be invovled! We both prefer it this way!
 
I join the club, I picked it too, and do not regret it, I know my FI would have been crazy trying to pick it himself..
 
I love that I picked out my stone and setting for my engagement ring as well as my upgrade (I kept him informed of my progress). However, we shopped for bands together and that really is the sentimental and symbolic item in a wedding ceremony, not the e-ring.

Way too much pressure is put on the poor guy to not only pick the "perfect, I''ll love this for the next 50 years" setting, larger stone size than his gal expects (it proves he loves her even MORE) but then he is expected to propose in a romantic setting, perfect mood and say all the right things. PLUS he has to keep it a secret and do it on a timeline!!

How many are out there who really love their rings forever. MOST of the married women I know whose ages range from from 92 to 40s have all had their original rings redone. They either want an upgrade in size and style or they damaged or out grew the original. Of course on their wedding/engagement day they probably all thought the little piece of metal would be with them forever. Even my MIL got her tiny pre-war diamond reset to accommodate her arthritic finger...after her husband passed away.
 
My DH picked my diamond and setting out all by himself...well, his mom went with him. I am very happy that he did it the way he did, we never even went looking together. I told him that I wanted a pear in a solitaire setting and that is what I got. He picked out a beautiful .62 J SI1 that I still love to this day, 11 years later. It has since been reset, but only because the original setting was damaged.

To each her own...if it works for you and FI that you pick it out yourself, go for it!
 
You have to do whatever works for the both of you. In my case, my BF wanted me to have a ring when we got engaged, he knows nothing about diamonds, settings, etc. I knew a little more than he did. But I came to PS to learn more about the basics and we decided I would do all the leg work, and I ended up with something we both liked. I asked for his input every step of the way, but he really wanted me to have something I liked within out budget.

Like another poster said, if he is really excited about doing it himself, then you should consider that. Just give him a lot of *input.*
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If you really want him to have a say in the ring choice why don''t you look with him on Friday- find a couple settings that you''d be equally happy with and then let him make the final choice. Happy compromise?
I picked my ring- albeit 11 years later- my husband just wanted me to be happy with my rings as I would be wearing them. I''m already wearing the 3 stone jade ring I picked for my 15th anniversary a few months early
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I picked out the stone and designed the setting. He''d much rather I be happy with what I have than not happy with something he picked out. And he freely admits he knows nothing about diamonds or jewelry.
 
My FH drew mine, and our wedding bands, but I gave input on the designs....other jewelry purchases, I find and either he or I buy. I see it that he respects my taste and opinion, and that is important to me.
 
Hi there!

I took part in all of my stone / setting selection. Hubby and I went shopping all over town... and I let him know exactly what I wanted.

The surprise in it... was that he gave it to me 6 months before he said he was going to propose.

We had a blast planning the rings!

Good luck to you.
 
My dh asked me to marry him, then we went ring shopping! Worked for me!!

He bought me a new diamond for my 40th birthday. Actually he told me to get one for my 40th birthday! LOL I picked it out and he wasn''t even there. He would NEVER pick out anything like that on his own!
 
I was in a similar situation when DH and I got engaged. We had already been living together for a while and had discussed marriage, wedding locations, picking a month for the wedding, etc. We had already reached a mutual agreement to spend the rest of our lives together, so there was not going to be a surprise. I am incredibly picky, and there is no way DH would have attempted to buy me a ring I am supposed to wear every day for the rest of my life w/o my input. (We also pick out our own B-day and X-mas gifts and just tell each other what we want. Surprises are saved for inexpensive little add-on gifts, like stocking stuffers.)

I knew I wanted a marquise, so DH and I went together to some local stores to see what was available. I was a little concerned about making such an expensive purchase with limited knowledge, so I went online in search of diamond education (particularly cut guidelines for marquise stones) and discovered Pricescope. Armed with that knowledge, we went back to local stores with a specific list of requirements for color clarity, depth %, table %, etc. and they just couldn''t provide me with a class 1 cut marquise (and treated me like I was nuts for being so specific). I ended up calling Whiteflash.com, and found a gorgeous 1.17 carat D, SI1, cut class 1 stone for almost $3,000 less than a 1.01 carat F, VS1, cut class 3 stone locally (which was the best stone we saw in San Diego and DH was ready to buy it). It was so nice to work with a vendor who understood my quest for the perfectly cut stone. DH paid for the stone I selected and we went shopping for the setting together in local stores.

I have no regrets. I have a ring that still thrills me every time I look at it 3 years later. DH was relieved that I was willing to do the "heavy lifting" with the research and shopping so that he did not have to worry about screwing up. We shopped together for our wedding bands later, and ended up having DH''s custom made, so he got to have the fun of designing his own ring too. That way, we both got exactly what we want and have rings with which each of us is very happy.
 
I can really look back fondly on how my fiance and I came to choose my ring and stone. We casually looked early on, and then found pricescope. For a month or so it felt like we went to tons of jewelry stores... it was so fun trying on the different settings. The setting that we ended up choosing, was actually his choice. I wasn''t so sure the first time I tried it on, but the second time, I just KNEW it was the right one. We bought my stone online -- I remember we were sitting on my bed and we bought it on bluenile -- we were both so excited and nervous that night! The fiance then took the stone to Quest Jewelers and had them make the setting that we loved. I look at my ring each day and LOVE it, and I feel so special that my fiance included me in the process big time. I really don''t think there is a wrong way to do it -- choose your setting, or let him surprise you... either way I hope it leads you to a happy ending, and that''s the important part!
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I was actually in a similar situation as yours -- I am very picky and always want the best value for my money; my bf is the laid-back type; we have been living together for 1 year and always discuss everything with each other during our 4-year relationship, including when and how we should get married
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So I ended up being responsible for doing all the research -- choosing the diamonds, the e-ring settings and the wedding bands!! The only time he got involved was when I took him to Tiffany and some jewelry stores to try and make sure he also liked the ring/band settings I picked.

Someimes I did feel a bit awkward...especially when talking to the vendors and explaining I was picking an engagement ring for myself...

However, I have had my e-ring for 2 months, and I absolutely LOOOOOVE it and take the pride of knowing all the details about my diamonds!! I am very happy that I picked the ring for myself and he is happy too
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There is nothing wrong in picking up your stone and setting, I picked mine. All I did is asked him for the budget, well that didn''t really go well since I went above it
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and ask for quite a few increase every week
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. Once I decided on what I want I arranged everything with Whiteflash and have them sent the payment link to my BF. Works real well, I''m getting my ring in a couple of days but of course I will not be able to wear until he comes back in 3 weeks and officially proposed and start our long engagement.
 
Date: 11/8/2006 3:08:38 PM
Author: swingirl
I love that I picked out my stone and setting for my engagement ring as well as my upgrade (I kept him informed of my progress). However, we shopped for bands together and that really is the sentimental and symbolic item in a wedding ceremony, not the e-ring.

Way too much pressure is put on the poor guy to not only pick the 'perfect, I'll love this for the next 50 years' setting, larger stone size than his gal expects (it proves he loves her even MORE) but then he is expected to propose in a romantic setting, perfect mood and say all the right things. PLUS he has to keep it a secret and do it on a timeline!!

How many are out there who really love their rings forever. MOST of the married women I know whose ages range from from 92 to 40s have all had their original rings redone. They either want an upgrade in size and style or they damaged or out grew the original. Of course on their wedding/engagement day they probably all thought the little piece of metal would be with them forever. Even my MIL got her tiny pre-war diamond reset to accommodate her arthritic finger...after her husband passed away.
Click to expand...
absolutety. due to sewing (fabric abrasion) and being a chemist, i destroy plain solitaire settings. so i have been changing them out every five years or so. with age my finger has grown from a size 5 to a size 7.
 
i can''t imagine not participating....and taking the lead on such an important purchase, especially after reading posts at pricescope written by disappointed women.

i applaud you admitting to being picky and good at research. good skills and this is one of the best times to use them.

not very romantic but its also not like you haven''t already discussed being engaged. no surprise there. however, you could arrange a special ''presentation'' weekend or ask him to arrange such an event so you can be ''surprised'' if that makes it more romantic.

have fun and enjoy making your selection!

movie zombie
 
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