Is anyone following the Chris Brown/Rihanna Case?

[monarch64]

I just want to type a quick response to the picture posted of Rihanna and Chris Brown. This is not directed at any poster in particular. I left a marriage of 5 years ( a relationship of 7) in which there was physical violence. People said the same thing about my soon-to-be-ex-husband--he didn''t seem like the type, etc. And in every picture ever taken of us, there is no body language on my part that would convey to someone examining the photography that I did not love him and feel completely safe with him. No one would have seen him kicking me under the table or pinching my arm to make sure I had a smile on my face, didn''t say the wrong thing in front of his friends or family, and they wouldn''t have seen the aftermath of what happened if I HAD made any mistakes after we got home.

You cannot judge a book by its cover.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 2/11/2009 12:07:03 PM
Author: monarch64
I just want to type a quick response to the picture posted of Rihanna and Chris Brown. This is not directed at any poster in particular. I left a marriage of 5 years ( a relationship of 7) in which there was physical violence. People said the same thing about my soon-to-be-ex-husband--he didn''t seem like the type, etc. And in every picture ever taken of us, there is no body language on my part that would convey to someone examining the photography that I did not love him and feel completely safe with him. No one would have seen him kicking me under the table or pinching my arm to make sure I had a smile on my face, didn''t say the wrong thing in front of his friends or family, and they wouldn''t have seen the aftermath of what happened if I HAD made any mistakes after we got home.

You cannot judge a book by its cover.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Side bar: For all you ladies who found the strength and resolve to leave abusive relationships.... woo hoo!!!

As far as Rihanna goes, nothing she did or didn''t do justifies what happened. If a man wants to leave, no one can make him stay. And it''s true, we don''t know what happens behind closed doors...but, on this occasion, the door did pop wide open and we''ve managed to catch a peek at the ugly side of them and their relationship. We may not be able to judge them as a whole, we haven''t been privvy to the ins and outs from the beginning...but we sure as heck can judge this situation...

He, is a woman beater. An abuser. I don''t care if she gave him flipping HIV...you use your words, not your fists.

 

[tlh]

The STD in question, is Herpes. The rumor mill says Jay-Z gave it to her. I just didn''t want anyone to think that she gave him HIV... (even though this isn''t the subject at hand.)

sorry to TJ.

 

[stbfyffe]

The picture that was taken after she got assaulted is on www.tmz.com along with everywhere else.

Warning-it is pretty bad. My heart broke after seeing it.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Whoa...wow...that''s so bad.

Those two brusies on her forehead do look like the horns that the newspapers were refering too. You can clearly see how her nose looks disjointed.

Poor girl....

 

[blondebunny]

I dunno if I would believe that picture is real... there was a pic last week that was a photoshopped version.... does rihanna even have a tattoo on her neck?

 

[blondebunny]

just checked... she does have that tattoo there... poor girl!

 

[AGBF]

Date: 2/11/2009 10:00:32 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk


Some websites are reporting that he allegedly attacked her after finding out she had given him an STD.

...and according to these reports she decided to break the news that she had this sexually transmitted disease late at night after a major pre-Grammy party while they were both inebriated and driving in a Lamborghini? Why do I find that implausible?


Deborah

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 2/19/2009 11:21:26 PM
Author: AGBF

Date: 2/11/2009 10:00:32 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk


Some websites are reporting that he allegedly attacked her after finding out she had given him an STD.

...and according to these reports she decided to break the news that she had this sexually transmitted disease late at night after a major pre-Grammy party while they were both inebriated and driving in a Lamborghini? Why do I find that implausible?


Deborah

Ditto.

I think i believe the story about a text message from a girl, causing them to fight. Rihanna isn''t innocent. She''s been interviewed in the past as saying that she fought with her brothers, even bashing a bottle over one of their heads. So the story I have in my head is that Chris got a text from a girl, Rihanna probably freaked out and they fought EACH OTHER. Now, I''m not saying that what Chris did isn''t wrong. It is. But if the details later show that the violence was mutual then I won''t think it''s fair to only vilify Chris.
That picture sure looks messed up though.

 

[Clairitek]

That picture of her made me feel so queasy. Wow. Photoshopped or not, that''s one cruel photo.

I was just watching Leno and he made a pretty horrible joke about Chris Brown and this whole situation. It was this video clip from Sesame Street where Chris Brown was singing with Elmo or something. Then they had this "Please Stand By" shot up while you heard the distinct sounds of punching.

 

[violet02]

I was having a hard time believing that was really her for a bit. It''s so brutal and horrible. I saw this article on Yahoo...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090220/ap_en_ot/people_rihanna_7

I feel really bad for her and I hope whoever leaked that photo gets caught. I really doubt she wanted that public.

 

[Maisie]

Even if they were fighting with each other I still think that one of them should have walked away. There is always a choice, no matter how angry you are.

 

[Steel]

Thank you for posting Monarch. It is very difficult to really understand that which we have not experienced, unless courageous men & women like yourself come forward to tell us.

While I would never wish domestic violence on anybody and whatever the facts of this particular case, there is a true positive in that it serves to highlight the real danger and commonality of domestic abuse.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/20/2009 8:49:14 AM
Author: Maisie
Even if they were fighting with each other I still think that one of them should have walked away. There is always a choice, no matter how angry you are.

I completely agree with this Maisie. I do think there are times when this is easier said than done, though...there are so many gray areas re. domestic violence just like everything else in life. An example from my own experience (I wrote about it in my WW thread) is that I DID walk away many times. I used to leave the room and tell my ex that I needed a few minutes to gain my composure if we were arguing and things were escalating to the point of no return. I would have to lock the door and try to calm him down because he''d be pounding on it, just furious with me and then he would just break the door down. We went through a lot of doors in our apt. and house over the years I was with him.

If I attempted to leave the house, well, let''s just say that was not an option unless he was asleep.

Chris and Rihanna obviously can''t get along and are not healthy for each other. Maybe they have some kind of crazy codependent love and are happy at times, but this episode proves that they''re better off apart. Doesn''t really matter who is at fault here, it just matters that they don''t hurt each other or anyone else again. I don''t know what the answer is, but it''s pointless to try to place blame on one or the other.

 

[Maisie]

I''m sorry Monnie, I didn''t mean a situation like yours. I meant where a couple are hitting each other. Its wrong to be fighting like that with each other and one should try and leave the situation of it means it will escalate to violence.

 

[monarch64]

Oh Maisie, please don''t be sorry! I don''t take offense to anything that is said about this case or could possibly relate to my situation. I just feel the urge to respond when I read this thread and think about how my situation COULD have turned out. I am really fortunate that my ex never ended up crossing the line into straight up hitting me--he knew that just by threatening me or breaking things he could control me--I finally left when he told me that if he thought he could get away with it, he would beat the sh*t out of me.

The reason I responded to this thread in the first place was someone''s comment about how happy they looked in a photo of them taken that same night. It made me think about how good you get (involved in an abusive relationship) at keeping up appearances.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/20/2009 9:07:39 AM
Author: Steel



Thank you for posting Monarch. It is very difficult to really understand that which we have not experienced, unless courageous men & women like yourself come forward to tell us.

While I would never wish domestic violence on anybody and whatever the facts of this particular case, there is a true positive in that it serves to highlight the real danger and commonality of domestic abuse.

Thanks, Steel. This is something I never thought I would have firsthand knowledge of, and while I do consider myself a courageous person, I can definitely understand how people get involved in situations they end up having little or no control over.

 

[Steel]

Date: 2/20/2009 9:34:28 AM
Author: monarch64
Oh Maisie, please don''t be sorry! I don''t take offense to anything that is said about this case or could possibly relate to my situation. I just feel the urge to respond when I read this thread and think about how my situation COULD have turned out. I am really fortunate that my ex never ended up crossing the line into straight up hitting me--he knew that just by threatening me or breaking things he could control me--I finally left when he told me that if he thought he could get away with it, he would beat the sh*t out of me.

The reason I responded to this thread in the first place was someone''s comment about how happy they looked in a photo of them taken that same night. It made me think about how good you get (involved in an abusive relationship) at keeping up appearances.

Oh no. That must have been a bone chilling moment Monarch.



On a slightly related topic I am half-way though reading Rose Madder by Stephen King; the central character has a grossly abusive husband and it chills me to even read the scenes where she recounts his abuse. I thank God that DH has never been abusive and often feel guilty for the men and women who have not been so fortunate.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/20/2009 10:01:12 AM
Author: Steel

Date: 2/20/2009 9:34:28 AM
Author: monarch64
Oh Maisie, please don''t be sorry! I don''t take offense to anything that is said about this case or could possibly relate to my situation. I just feel the urge to respond when I read this thread and think about how my situation COULD have turned out. I am really fortunate that my ex never ended up crossing the line into straight up hitting me--he knew that just by threatening me or breaking things he could control me--I finally left when he told me that if he thought he could get away with it, he would beat the sh*t out of me.

The reason I responded to this thread in the first place was someone''s comment about how happy they looked in a photo of them taken that same night. It made me think about how good you get (involved in an abusive relationship) at keeping up appearances.

Oh no. That must have been a bone chilling moment Monarch.





On a slightly related topic I am half-way though reading Rose Madder by Stephen King; the central character has a grossly abusive husband and it chills me to even read the scenes where she recounts his abuse. I thank God that DH has never been abusive and often feel guilty for the men and women who have not been so fortunate.

It was not only chilling, it was that moment where everything CLICKED for me finally. Right then, I knew things were not going to change, it was never going to get better, and things would only get worse from then on. It was chilling, yes, but also the first moment of the rest of my life--the turning point. I like to call it "blatant clarity."

 

[MonkeyPie]

This thread makes me feel awful. I have never been in an abusive relationship, and I can''t even imagine how it would feel. Kudos to all of you ladies for taking control and getting away!

The photo of Rhianna, while awful, looks real. Photoshopped images would be different, though I''m not sure how to explain how. Plus there are no really obvious wounds, just scrapes. It looks kinda of like he pushed her head into the dashboard.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 2/19/2009 11:41:32 PM
Author: luckystar112


I won't think it's fair to only vilify Chris.

The reason I don't think it is right to vilify only Chris is that we should still cleave to a presumption of innocence in the United States, no matter how outdated the concept. I keep trying to explain this concept to my sixteen year-old daughter, and it is like fighting the tide!

As far as I am concerned, until the facts are heard, we do not know what occurred. Judging anyone is premature. It is fine to have rational discourse on domestic abuse, but not fine to decide what happened that night.

If Chris Brown battered Rihanna and if Chris Brown is a martial arts expert, I would not excuse his brutally battering her even if she hit him first (a rumor of which we have no proof). On the other hand, women should not be allowed to hit men, either. That does not make the the damage done equal. It is nuances like this that make me want to have this heard by a court. How on earth can we judge all the nuances of a case when we are guessing about all of them?

Deborah

 

[Po10472]

BUMP!

Just read that they''re back together!!

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20262240,00.html

 

[HollyS]

Without taking the time to read each post, I''m hoping that the overall concensus (sp?) here is that she''s wacked for taking him back. If he really learned his lesson, let the next girlfriend find out if he has geniunely changed for the better.

She does know who Tina Turner and Whitney Houston are, doesn''t she? Maybe they need to ''stage an intervention''.

 

[mommy2iz]

she''s "whacked for taking him back?" I find that statement harsh. she''s part of a cycle of abuse, and she has likely decided to return to a situation that is familiar to her. it''s their normal, good or bad to outsider''s. we''re creatures of habit...it''s what they''re used to. it''s much easier for someone who has never experienced this to make quick judgements as to what she (or he) should or should not do.
statistics say a woman tries to leave an average of 7 times before actually doing it. there are many reasons involved; i just pray that they both realize how volatile their relationship is, and either take immediate steps to resolve the basis for the choices they''re making or part amicably before it''s too late.

 

[iheartscience]

Just because she''s in the cycle of abuse doesn''t mean it''s okay for her to get back with him. Honestly, it makes me think less of her, and I''m sure many of her actual fans feel the same way. And I hate to pull this card, but think about the horrible example it sets for their young fans.

I''m pretty shocked she would get back together with him, actually, if only for her career.

 

[JulieN]

what does her career have to do with her getting back with Brown?

Jay-Z has already said Brown is a walking dead man.

 

[mommy2iz]

i didn''t say it was ok. understandable and complicated, yes. everyone thinks it''s so easy to just pick up and leave. it''s not. and they''re proof. they''re living publicly what many of us have survived privately.
hopefully, they will both issue some sort of statement on domestic violence and it''s ramifications in an attempt to educate themselves and their fans. it''s such a private issue, and part of the stigma attached to the subject comes from "keeping up appearances." best wishes to them.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/28/2009 7:57:36 PM
Author: JulieN
what does her career have to do with her getting back with Brown?

Jay-Z has already said Brown is a walking dead man.

I would imagine that people will think less of her for getting back together with the man who abused her. I know I sure do. That can''t be good for her career, can it?

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/28/2009 8:01:53 PM
Author: mommy2iz
i didn''t say it was ok. understandable and complicated, yes. everyone thinks it''s so easy to just pick up and leave. it''s not. and they''re proof. they''re living publicly what many of us have survived privately.

hopefully, they will both issue some sort of statement on domestic violence and it''s ramifications in an attempt to educate themselves and their fans. it''s such a private issue, and part of the stigma attached to the subject comes from ''keeping up appearances.'' best wishes to them.

See that''s the thing-I think for Rihanna it''s probably much easier to pick up and leave than it is for most women. She has tons of money and isn''t dependent on Chris Brown for support, like many abused women are.

And I don''t think domestic abuse is or should be a private issue. That''s the kind of attitude that made it acceptable for men to beat their wives for so long.