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Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old girl?

vintagelover229

vintagelover229

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 23, 2008
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Does anyone here have a teenage daughter? I was adopted when I was 10 with my 2 younger half sisters-the youngest-who was one-is now 16 almost 17. My relationship with my adopted parents is...unique. It's gotten better-but that's a long story (long story short they are box people-I'm a circle. Circle = bad/not understood by box people).

Needless to say when they made me leave at 17 (she was around 10 or so) I wasn't allowed much contact with her. They didn't offer to let me talk to her when I was on the phone-didn't let her call me-the few visits I could arrange were heavily supervised and hovered over.

My sister is going to be 17 in March and on my sister and I have a sister date. We don't really know one another very well and I wanted to do something fun but different. They have another daughter who was at home (their bio daughter-we don't get along (btw I've tried to repair this relationship but she isn't having any of it-I wasn't even invited to her wedding last summer-another long story) who she is close too-and I'm a bit jealous of their relationship (but totally understand-I wasn't around-no matter the reason) and I want this experience to be a bonding time for us (hopefully but no pressure).

I have booked a truffle making class for us to do. Right now it's private but if they can find more couples to join the cost will go down-but either way I'm fine with it. My mom said she isn't sure she'll like it-my sister thinks it will be hard. She's a very smart girl and I wanted to pick something that was something neither of us has ever done-that was low pressure-and fun. We'll go ice skating before the class-and the class is around a hour-hour and a half.

Is this something you think is going to be a fun experience for her? I know she's a bit nervous to spend time with me (my adopted folks love to make it seem like a big deal and put strange pressure on it) but I just want to get to know her and have her get to know me. She's more like me than my adopted parents would like (who I said are box people) and I think they are a bit scared for me to spend time with her and being a 'bad' influence.

Sorry this is so long. I am trying to have zero expectations other than have fun-I won't over share-I won't be expressing my feelings about the family/etc-none of that. She's too young and my relationship (or lack their of) with other family members has no baring on my relationship with her-although I think she feels that from the family since they don't really 'get' or like me-that she should probably feel the same way.

My mom wanted me to take her to get fake nails put on (we both bite our nails) but I didn't feel like that would be money well spent (they are bad for your nails-I wasted enough money on those at her age myself) and sitting in a chemical filled salon isn't my idea of 'getting to know' her better. The other idea was a massage but we'd either be in different rooms not talking (defeats the purpose) or all strange naked in the same room as a couples massage-which you still don't really talk.

Dinner is still an option but I figured we'll be eating during the class (chocolate and other organic in house made goodies) that I figured a few hours + driving would be enough for the first time.

Thoughts?
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

I wouldn't do it.

She sound apprehensive about spending time with you. Add to that her concern over the class... not good.

I'd ask what she wants to do and do that.

I think forcing her to go to the class is your circle forcing her to conform with what you want to do. That's not good.

Maybe another time you can both do that, once she's more comfortable and willing to compromise.

But this first time? No.

Also, I'd keep it to kind of a shorter day. Lunch, skating, hot chocolate and window browsing. Low key. That way it has a better chance of success.

Your goal is a relationship with your sister. Not to learn a new skill. So listen to what she is telling you, and respect that. She doesn't want to do the truffle making-- cancel it.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

Making truffles is not hard. Its very easy.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

Did your sister say she doesn't want to do it or is that coming from your mom?

If she said directly to you that she doesn't want to then I would set it aside for now and do something different -- sort of loosely plan some stuff but play it by ear and change plans so you're both comfortable.

BUT
If it is just your mom saying that she doesn't think your sister would like it, I'd ignore her and keep it scheduled. When you haven't spent much time with someone it is nice to have something else to focus on to take the pressure off while still having it laid back enough to chat as comfortable.

I know it is very hard to plan a day with someone you haven't been allowed contact with for so long! It is hugely stressful and near impossible to know what sort of thing they would like or not like. (We had to plan a day out with "A" after having not seen her for 8 years... Yikes!)

Keep it relaxed!
Go with the flow and be ready for Starbucks or dinner or cinnamon rolls at the mall or whatever. If you are able to relax it will go a long way towards helping her relax.


ETA:
Personally, I would have LOVED a truffle class at that age! I love chocolate and baking so it would have been great. BTW, truffles are super easy to make.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

I should clarify a few points (thanks so much for the info so far everyone!) that this isn't the first time we've seen each other since we've left. I've spent a decent amount of time with both her and the rest of my family over the last few years.


I asked her what she wanted to do-and she said whatever. She didn't give me any ideas (I asked more than once) and she did not say she didn't want to go to the class. She said it sounds interesting but hard. I told her it wasn't very hard and there was chocolate involved. She seems some what interested but I think since she doesn't really do anything expect go shopping and do cheer-that this isn't something that would have been on her radar kwim?

My mom didn't say she wouldn't like the class-she she thinks she would enjoy herself but I'd probably have more fun. It was my mom's idea to do the nail salon-I said no to that right away.

I'm having issues with my computer with scrolling/clicking on things/not allowing me scroll/click when I want to so I can't even read the rest of the message to reply to each comment. I'll have to do multiple posts-sorry about that!

But again she never said she did NOT want to go to the class. She thought it would be interesting but thinks it will be hard (which it is not).
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

This computer issue is driving me nuts-does anyone know what could cause that? I click on something and it high lights it like I double clicked on it-it drags things all over the place-won't let me un-click on it. I makes it hard to navigate and do anything!!!


No matter what I will keep it relaxed. She's a pretty easy going girl-and she told me she's looking forward to hanging out with me. I told her just to be honest with me and to let me know if she likes/doesn't like something and not to worry about what I think/etc about any of it. I told her I'm an open book and so she knows she can communicate her needs at any time. I wanted to start out with ice skating so that way we can both just relax and get some pent up energy released. Neither of us have been in a long time so I'm sure a good amount of it will be spent laughing on our butts helping each other up :lol:

I also figured I couldn't go wrong with a short class making chocolates. We both love chocolate and she enjoys baking-and we get to much on chocolate and bring home some yummy treats to share/show off. Its a very relaxed environment and we'll be doing something other than staring at each other at a dining table trying to think of things to talk about.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

Easiest thing to check on the computer are the battery for the mouse. If you have an apple laptop, the laptop battery can swell over time, which causes all sorts of annoying problems. The battery is towards the front of the keypad portion - you can probably feel through the case if it's swollen. If that's the problem the battery will need to be replaced, which isn't too expensive as I recall.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

vintagelover229|1387566866|3578229 said:
Its a very relaxed environment and we'll be doing something other than staring at each other at a dining table trying to think of things to talk about.
Click to expand...

I think that's the key. Something that would give you more stuff to talk about (like window-shopping with a lunch break) might be better... but the truffles class sounds workable if the actual truffle-making part of it doesn't last too long.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

TooPatient: I think you and your SO are doing amazing things for that young woman and I know that you've invested a LOT (in many areas) to help her and give her the life she should have. That is unconditional love right there. She may not know it or understand it now-but when she is older and able to self reflect she will understand and I have no doubt that you'll have a bond that won't easily be broken.

VRBeauty: My laptop is such a POS it's not even funny. The battery won't hold a charge anymore so it's perma-plugged in. If that does cause it I have no doubt it's probably what the issue is. My computer is all sorts of beat up at this point and will need to be replaced sooner vs later but its not high on the to do list when we have a house full of renos to do. So I'll ask my husband to look at that. Thanks for the tip!
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

vintagelover229|1387566866|3578229 said:
This computer issue is driving me nuts-does anyone know what could cause that? I click on something and it high lights it like I double clicked on it-it drags things all over the place-won't let me un-click on it. I makes it hard to navigate and do anything!!!


No matter what I will keep it relaxed. She's a pretty easy going girl-and she told me she's looking forward to hanging out with me. I told her just to be honest with me and to let me know if she likes/doesn't like something and not to worry about what I think/etc about any of it. I told her I'm an open book and so she knows she can communicate her needs at any time. I wanted to start out with ice skating so that way we can both just relax and get some pent up energy released. Neither of us have been in a long time so I'm sure a good amount of it will be spent laughing on our butts helping each other up :lol:

I also figured I couldn't go wrong with a short class making chocolates. We both love chocolate and she enjoys baking-and we get to much on chocolate and bring home some yummy treats to share/show off. Its a very relaxed environment and we'll be doing something other than staring at each other at a dining table trying to think of things to talk about.
Click to expand...

I think this is key. She'll probably like it and you have made a good choice.

As for your computer, just try hitting escape or holding down control or shift for 5 seconds. Sounds like you held down shift or control too long, and that causes it to enter that mode. You might have to restart if those don't work.

For future, I'm not sure where you are located, or if you eat meat, but you might want to see if there is a Korean BBQ place near you. You cook the meat at your table on a grill in your table or a charcoal grill on the table. Or Fondue or Hot Pot. Your doing the dinner/lunch thing, but because you are actively cooking, your not just sitting there staring at each other.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

It sounds like a good idea to me. Skating first is a super thought -- anything physical gets out tension, keeps you from having to "converse" awkwardly, and is bound to generate some laughs. Er, to break the ice. She loves chocolate -- making truffles is a cinch & can get nice & messy, which again is a relaxer, and you end up with something GOOOOD at the end of it. Plus you're not alone, trying desperately not to be too intense, which is always icky. Other people keep things light.

Looking for nothing beyond a pleasant few hours together is just the right attitude, too -- you're very smart there. When we expect less, we often get happy surprises. This isn't the last time you'll see her, so doing simple fun stuff becomes part of a contuum of an affectionate relationship.

I'd say go for it & don't overthink whether the choice is right or not -- if you're easy, it will be right. You're a sister she'll be darned grateful for as she grows.

--- Laurie
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

Sounds like a lot of fun. Go for it....; but, if its not working just end the session early and move on to something else that she would feel more comfortable doing. I have several times started a planned activity with someone - and then when I could see that it was not the other person's cup of tea basically asked "would you like to be doing something else" - and then "jumped on one of their suggestions" and said "no problem" we'll just get out of here and go do it. It made all the difference in the world (and you need to totally ignore the money you spent for the planned activity as it actually ended up allowing you to bond with the other person by showing her that you care about her over your want's if something is not working well).

TOTALLY Ignore the mother.

Perry
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

OP - I think your plan of ice-skating and truffle-making is excellent - when you do activities together there are built-in conversational topics right there... no need to talk about family or other sensitive subjects. And shared activities, particularly easy-going non-competitive activities, allow you two to build on your relationship in a natural, positive way.

If it turns out that these activities represent too much structure for your sister, maybe next time you can take in a movie and/or do some window-shopping.

And don't forget, sometimes empty space (hang out time) encourages bonding conversations that would never take place if your get-together reads like a to-do list (not that it does, just sayin').

I hope your visit goes well - it is natural for your sister to have some trepidation in light of the family history, and it is wonderful you are reaching out to her sister-to-sister.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

vintagelover229|1387562937|3578180 said:
Does anyone here have a teenage daughter? I was adopted when I was 10 with my 2 younger half sisters-the youngest-who was one-is now 16 almost 17. My relationship with my adopted parents is...unique. It's gotten better-but that's a long story (long story short they are box people-I'm a circle. Circle = bad/not understood by box people).

Needless to say when they made me leave at 17 (she was around 10 or so) I wasn't allowed much contact with her. They didn't offer to let me talk to her when I was on the phone-didn't let her call me-the few visits I could arrange were heavily supervised and hovered over.

My sister is going to be 17 in March and on my sister and I have a sister date. We don't really know one another very well and I wanted to do something fun but different. They have another daughter who was at home (their bio daughter-we don't get along (btw I've tried to repair this relationship but she isn't having any of it-I wasn't even invited to her wedding last summer-another long story) who she is close too-and I'm a bit jealous of their relationship (but totally understand-I wasn't around-no matter the reason) and I want this experience to be a bonding time for us (hopefully but no pressure).

I have booked a truffle making class for us to do. Right now it's private but if they can find more couples to join the cost will go down-but either way I'm fine with it. My mom said she isn't sure she'll like it-my sister thinks it will be hard. She's a very smart girl and I wanted to pick something that was something neither of us has ever done-that was low pressure-and fun. We'll go ice skating before the class-and the class is around a hour-hour and a half.

Is this something you think is going to be a fun experience for her? I know she's a bit nervous to spend time with me (my adopted folks love to make it seem like a big deal and put strange pressure on it) but I just want to get to know her and have her get to know me. She's more like me than my adopted parents would like (who I said are box people) and I think they are a bit scared for me to spend time with her and being a 'bad' influence.

Sorry this is so long. I am trying to have zero expectations other than have fun-I won't over share-I won't be expressing my feelings about the family/etc-none of that. She's too young and my relationship (or lack their of) with other family members has no baring on my relationship with her-although I think she feels that from the family since they don't really 'get' or like me-that she should probably feel the same way.

My mom wanted me to take her to get fake nails put on (we both bite our nails) but I didn't feel like that would be money well spent (they are bad for your nails-I wasted enough money on those at her age myself) and sitting in a chemical filled salon isn't my idea of 'getting to know' her better. The other idea was a massage but we'd either be in different rooms not talking (defeats the purpose) or all strange naked in the same room as a couples massage-which you still don't really talk.

Dinner is still an option but I figured we'll be eating during the class (chocolate and other organic in house made goodies) that I figured a few hours + driving would be enough for the first time.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I come from a VERY dysfunctional family different disfunction than yours but I understand where you are coming from and have been in the position to try and get to know a much younger 1/2 sister before. It did not go well but that's because of the poison (aka lies) our mother taught her about me. I understand the pain of not being invited to weddings and many other issues you wrote about. My getting to know you attempt did not go well and I had to give up on that hope. I hope yours goes better but you need to prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best.

OK that out of the way, I do have a teenage daughter and she would LOVE a truffle making class! I think its a perfect idea and like you said, less awkward than sitting across a dining table staring at each other awkwardly. It gives an activity of focus on but low key so you can talk too. If it goes well and you are hungry after you could go for a meal or even coffee/hot chocolate or something to spend a bit more time. If its awkward you can bring her home.

I would be very very careful to not downtalk your mother. If she has negative things to say, you can listen and validate if she agrees. But I would be very cautious since she still lives with her and is heavily influenced by her.

I hope it goes well.

edited to add, I know that many of my daughter's friends enjoy baking as well and they have used my kitchen before to bake.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

I like the idea. And I really, really appreciate the effort you're putting into it. You're really a genuinely kind hearted person and I love that about you.

If you decide not to go with that idea, I have another suggestion. Recently I did a painting class with a bunch of people that was absolutely awesome. I am not an artist whatsoever and neither were any of the other people there but that was kind of the purpose of it. A teacher is there and you both pick a something you'd like to paint and she goes through the steps with you and makes it so easy and fun. It was different than anything I've done and I LOVED it (check out my FB pics). To give an idea of what the class is like check out Uncorked Artist in Warrington, PA.

Ice skating is AWESOME. That will give you guys a chance to be silly around each other and definitely will relax you guys!

I hope you guys have a nice time whatever you choose to do :)
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

I think it is a great idea. I took some cake decorating classes for a while. We all approached it as something fun to do and we all had a great time. If you find it's not fun for you guys find something else to do together.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

I'm so sorry I'm so late to reply to this thread! I didn't get to read the other replies before we left on our trip-and I don't have a cell phone and wasn't plugged in during my trip away.


I wanted to say THANK you to all of you for taking the time to read/reply to my thread. The truffle making class was a HUGE success! It wasn't without it's issues though (nothing from us though!).


As I said it was a private class but a few days before I got a call saying they had found others and so my cost would be only the 50$ that I'd already paid. We get there on Friday and everyone there was there for a pasta class. Figured not a huge deal-our class was not that one. Turns out they misunderstood! They thought I wanted the pasta class.

It was a no go. They offered us coffee/coco and truffles to kill time while we waited for my husband/mom to meet up with us (we had plans with friends in the city so we drove and my mom/husband came later so my mom could bring my sister home).

We were supposed to leave on Sat. but decided to stay since they re-booked our (now private) class for Sat. afternoon. No charge for the coffee/coco/truffles on Friday. And on Sat. we had our private class with an amazing teacher-got to make over 4x the number of truffles and still only cost me the 50$! I was super impressed.

The best part is we had an amazing time. My sister is a lot like me and we connected far beyond what I had imagined. We pretty much spent all the time I was around together. Since Friday was a bust I got 2 dates with her (we did lunch on friday before going to the class-then just the class on Sat).

Here are some photos. Now she wants to do the pasta class when I come next time. So we're going to try getting my older sister (their daughter) and mom to go along too.

p1040682.jpg

p1040684.jpg

p1040678.jpg

p1040680.jpg
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

Ooooh how fancy and fun! :appl: Glad it was a good day for all.
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

What wonderful news that it worked out so well! I'm just thrilled for you that you've made a new friend -- sister & all. Good for the rest of your lives, girls! (And it looks so yummy, I'm now starving.)

--- Laurie
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

I am glad you both had a wonderful time and the truffles look yummy!!!!
 
Re: Is a truffle making class fun for an almost 17 yr old gi

:appl: :appl: :appl:

and the promise of a group pasta class next time? Wonderful!!!
 
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