Instant love of baby

[lknvrb4]

It was love at first sight with all three of my kids.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Instant love? Not at all. My first was adopted as an older infant and we disliked each other the moment we met. She HATED us and I was convinced we had made the biggest mistake of our lives.

I gave birth to my second and didn't feel much for him. I cried a little, which surprised me, but I wasn't particularly maternal. I remember wondering what we were supposed to do with this red, angry blob. He also wasn't cute at all- very awkward looking baby, which didn't help matters.

Now I think the sun shines out of both of their butts. I love those kids!

 

[hlmr]

My son was colicky, we couldn't figure out the breastfeeding, and I had no support network. So no, it wasn't exactly love at first sight....it was more awe, and a huge sense of responsibility. I started to fall in love with him more and more, as the days and weeks went by, we got into a routine and my anxiety about doing everything perfect abated.

 

[Sha]

I haven't read all the responses yet, but yes, I can relate! My first feelings after looking at her were relief... "Wheww!! So glad she's out!"...and curiosity..."Oh, she has my eyes, and very curly black hair". That was about it. I didn't feel the intense love and bonding that I always hear about. I remember also being very tired and wanting to take a nap - and also being quickly jolted into the responsibilities of motherhood when the nurse wheeled her into my room, and I realize I couldn't sleep because I had to take care of her.

The first few weeks - 6 months of her life were really all about survival - learning the ropes, trying to do everything right, battling with sleep deprivation etc. It was really difficult - and DD was a challenging baby too. I love her to pieces now, but that immense love wasn't instant, I think it blossomed as I interacted her with more and as she became more interactive - from 6 months on, I think.

I wonder if it would be different with a second baby? I feel like I would already know what to do, so wouldn't be battling with the learning curve as much as with a #1... maybe more time to relax and bond... Not sure.

 

[monkeyprincess]

amc, thanks for posting this! My first baby is due in a few weeks, and as hard as I tried to conceive him and as much as I want a baby, I'm also feeling extremely anxious about how the first few weeks/months are going to go and how I'm going to react to having a newborn. I feel somewhat bonded to him already considering I've been worrying about him and carrying him nine months, but he still mainly feels like a little alien invading my body. It's just hard to imagine feeling love at first sight when I see him. I feel like it is going to take awhile for it all to sink in because that is how I tend to react to new situations and people, etc. I feel a little better now knowing that not everyone feels that magical feeling you think you're supposed to feel.

 

[littlelysser]

I was very ambivalent about having a baby (okay, scared to death) even though he was totally planned and wanted. The ambivalence didn't start until after I got pregnant. I spent the vast majority of pregnancy afraid that we'd made a mistake, afraid that I wouldn't be a good mom, afraid that I wouldn't love the baby like I should; you name it, I worried about it.

But then I laid eyes on my newborn son. Not to be all cliched, but whew, I was a goner from the first time I held him. I love my DH and my family and friends, but this was a horse of a different color.

He was a super alert baby - never went through the blobby phase - and that kid stole my heart immediately.

Still has it to this day, actually.

 

[Dreamer_D]

...I remember feeling relief that my 24 hr torture session was over. That was my first emotion.

This made me laugh! I had a natural labour with my second and though it was absolutely the experience I wanted and my labour was very short (about two hours of active labour and pushing), as soon as Ryder was born I just kept saying, "Thank GOD! Oh Thank God!" over and over again. As in "Thank God it's OVER!" haha... and I am not even religious, but I guess I was in that moment! Once I finished rejoicing, then I noticed the little cutie smooshed against my chest.

 

[amc80]

The first few weeks - 6 months of her life were really all about survival - learning the ropes, trying to do everything right, battling with sleep deprivation etc. It was really difficult - and DD was a challenging baby too.

This is exactly how I feel. Right now is learning everything and just making sure everyone survives. I'm sure the bonding is happening in the background, but my brain can't even go there yet. I mean I'm learning how to take care of another little human that I created from scratch...and doing so with very little sleep.

My labor was long and difficult. After 3.5 hours of pushing, I think my first reaction was "thank God that's over." Like someone else said, I was more interested in seeing what the baby looked like than anything. And the strongest emotional reaction I had was relief to not be pregnant and relief he was out and healthy.

I will say that yesterday, the baby started smiling. As in real smiling, not just gas. He woke up from a nap and was starting to fuss, so I walked over to him. And as soon as he saw me he smiled. That totally melted my heart. Newborns are just little helpless blobs. They take and take and don't have the capacity to give. Seeing a little smile, or seeing him respond to my voice...well, those things make it worth it.

amc, thanks for posting this! My first baby is due in a few weeks, and as hard as I tried to conceive him and as much as I want a baby, I'm also feeling extremely anxious about how the first few weeks/months are going to go and how I'm going to react to having a newborn. I feel somewhat bonded to him already considering I've been worrying about him and carrying him nine months, but he still mainly feels like a little alien invading my body. It's just hard to imagine feeling love at first sight when I see him. I feel like it is going to take awhile for it all to sink in because that is how I tend to react to new situations and people, etc. I feel a little better now knowing that not everyone feels that magical feeling you think you're supposed to feel.

Good attitude. I wish I would have thought about it more while I was pregnant.

 

[Vera W]

Great conversation!! Count me in as a weirdo too. I always felt guilty because I didn't count fingers and toes. My first son was delivered by C-section after 4 days of inducing and NOTHING happening. He wouldn't "latch on" the first two days and both his father and I felt like failures sending him back to the nursery to be fed. Finally a nice older nurse helped me figure it out and BAM he latched on and still hasn't weaned off @ 20years. LOL. I mean like my glass of water, my ice tea, my coca cola!! The first two weeks were scrary at home but once we got the schedule down all went well. His younger brother, also C Section, had no problem with that whole situation, he nearled drained me dry. I am not a coddler when it comes to babies, except with my nieces. When they were babies I could sit and love on them for days. SO SWEET. I think boys were just right for me because I can't take drama. But now that they are 20 and 17 I am finding myself trying to love on them extra before they move out of the nest. (hopefully within the next 3 years so Big Daddy and I can finally go on our honeymoon.) Love and adore them while you can. Before you know it they will be grown.

 

[miraclesrule]

I agree with the different oxytocin trigger theory.

I am firmly in the "love at first sight" camp. It's interesting because a friend of mine just wrote a blog post about that topic. How can soembody love someone with such intensity when you don't even know them? She did a fascinating job of comparing it to the ability to love any human at first sight. Which ...during an election year...was actually more than fascinating.

I think the explanation was that I was too young to be fearful. I was so naive and young. I was only 19 years old. I had no expections, but had only babysat A LOT since I had been old enough to get paid for it. I think around 12 years of age. And I took care of my younger siblings. I was never nervous about raising a baby. In fact...truth be told...I always have and will probably always prefer the company of children.

All I know is that when she came roaring out of my womb, I experienced an overwhelming, spine-tingling, spell-binding reaction of a deep and pure love that I knew would motivate me through my life. I did not feel anything when I watched my grandchildren being born...I mean I did, I have seen my reaction captured in photos, but nothing like the feeling I had with my daughter.

Something happened in me when my daughter was born. It was a trigger...of pure bliss. That was right before we had to birth the placenta and then reality hit.

 

[FrekeChild]

At first sight? No.

Good grief no!

I'd been awake about 20 hours at that point. I'd just gone through surgery, I was trying to not vomit and I had doctors talking about god knows what over my cut open uterus. I was barely able to look at her and go "Oh, I have a kid...finally."

Then I went into recovery and slept for a few hours while she was in the NICU. Once I had slept, I was better equipped to *deal*. Was it love at first sight then? Not really. What it was was a hugely intense wave of "I will seriously maim anyone or anything that tries to harm you."

I still look at her like "What the heck did I do?" because she's so not what I imagined. I imagined this snuggly little creature, and even from the beginning she's been super independent and NOT cuddly at all. I love her. I adore her. I would do anything to protect her, but the kid drives me nuts sometimes! And she's only 9 months old!

 

[mayerling]

Amc, I echo your feelings exactly.

 

[jas]

Nope. Both times I was strapped to a table, feeling cold air in my exposed abdomen. Once I heard them cry, I really just focused on not barfing. Mine all went to NICU, the twins for an hour or so, the girl for a day. I was much more ready to fall in instant love the second time around...but couldn't because I didn't get to hold her for over a day. It wasn't until Day 5 or so with her. With the boys, I'm still waiting. And they're 4.



KIDDING! KIDDING!


They're 4 and a few weeks.

I think it does take awhile. There are so many hormones rushing, you are already sleep deprived, nervous, nauseated, exhausted, in pain, often attached to tubes. I had lots of complications, so it was harder to feel anything other than relief and curiosity until I was really able to focus on THE BOND!