Industry Response to National Tragedy

[Matata]

but I'd like to emphasize the "may" in "may internalize"

That was a direct quote from an article written by a POC. I think her intent was to avoid painting the experience of all POC with a broad brush.

 

[doberman]

I dont look to businesses for the right response to questions affecting humanity, particularly the drivel that's dished out on social media. Quite frankly if they write something, someone somewhere will deem it not enough, and someone somewhere else will think it's overkill/white guilt and inappropriate. I dont see how they can win. Better just to focus on their products. And while black lives matter, I think it's important to remember that black people aren't the only ones who are affected by prejudice or circumstance in this world.

 

[1ofakind]

@voce
For clarification: ...the article referenced (and several others I looked at using that term specifically) does not count social courtesy, professional behavior or situational appropriateness as 'masking'. Masking is a behavior driven by an unhealthy view of oneself causing one to present what they think will be a more acceptable version to others. You are not masking when you politely change the subject from politics with your friend. You would be masking if you pretended to agree with him and put a Trump 2020 sign in your yard so that he would still want to be your friend because you are insecure about what he would think of you otherwise. Masking is presenting a false view of yourself often because you think the real you isn't acceptable or good enough.

My personality seems much like yours...introvert/extrovert. I am fine by myself but truly enjoy the company of people and do not generally find it exhausting. I do not need to be with people and I'm pretty comfortable in a smaller group, don't usually like being the center of attention but I hold my own. My DH on the other hand is an introvert in a job that requires him to spend time and engage with people. He does this quite well most of the time. He describes it more as shifting gears as opposed to masking or acting like something he's not. At work he pumps it up to high gear (for an introvert), probably before he even gets to his car at the end of the day he is already down shifting. Introverts are not necessarily shy and he is not. He doesn't put on a show and people generally figure him out pretty quickly. Other than my HFA son (who couldn't mask if he tried), he's pretty high on the authenticity scale.

Being authentic does not mean you have to spill your guts or bare your soul to everyone you come across. Even on your worst day when the server at the restaurant greets you with "How are you this evening?" the appropriate response in that setting is 'Fine, thank you." She isn't looking for an authentic relationship...she is there to do a job, be polite and she would like a good tip so she is friendly. She's not masking either if she greets you that way when she is really having a bad day also. She's being professional as her job requires. That is not masking. That is what the HR director is doing as well....being professional. And yes, I would think that people who truly have to mask to be successful at work would be much happier and probably more successful if they make a change in job/career. DH has had to do that just once.

There are times when I can not be fully authentic. With my family for example (like you with your Trump friend). Most of them are toxic and dysfunctional. Their capacity to maintain functional, healthy relationships is limited so I meet them at their level. But I'm never pretending to be something I'm not to fit in with them or get them to like me.
With most everyone else I can be myself. If I ever find myself thinking/feeling 'this isn't me' I have a serious reaction to figure out just what is going on and why.

 

[voce]

@1ofakind thanks for clarifying. You are very self-aware and eloquent. I guess we started off with different understanding of what masking referred to. I tend to wax philosophical and take a very broad definition. Hope that you have a good weekend!

 

[Volute]

Thanks OP for bringing up this interesting topic.

I think the ship has sailed for businesses that want anonymity about their political views. The ship has sailed on anonymity, period. Not saying that's a good thing, merely stating the obvious. And yes, I do refrain from making purchases from certain vendors due to a combination of their political beliefs and the manner in which they express them. And yes, it's astonishingly easy to identify information which allows me to do this.

I don't think I actually know anyone who doesn't do this kind of research in my peer group, especially for luxury and discretionary purchases. But I do belong to a demographic that is already known for not buying diamonds and appears to have some level of guilt about buying diamonds, so provenance is important in more ways than one.

Oh also, OP, I'm not sure if anyone else has pointed this out, but some of the vendors you've mentioned are POC who have taken firm antiracist stances for quite some time. Others, I'm probably not buying anything from them in the future.

 

[1ofakind]

@1ofakind thanks for clarifying. You are very self-aware and eloquent. I guess we started off with different understanding of what masking referred to. I tend to wax philosophical and take a very broad definition. Hope that you have a good weekend!

I'm married to an introvert engineer, one of my kids is HFA and the other is an engineer/scientist...out of habit I don't usually do broad definitions for anything, lol.
Enjoy your weekend as well.

Because I find the topic interesting (and I've already gone on long enough here) I started another thread on masking. Apologies...I should have done that earlier.

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

It’s great that they’re pushing the agenda, my point was more that despite doing so (and apparently for years now), their corporate staff appear to be 99% white. That’s what makes me question their motives for these statements, because as an organization they don’t seem to be truly living these values.

If the social media trend of brands speaking up, whatever their motives, actually does drive change then obviously that’s incredible and it needs to happen. But if a business isn’t posting a black square or an “open letter” on their social channels then maybe it’s because it means more to them than image, and maybe they feel they have work to do in this area before they have a right to speak out...Does that make sense?! Not sure I’m articulating myself very well here to be honest.

I grew up(junior/highschool) in VT. It's tiny and very homogeneous.
They are a Vermont company in a state of 600 thousand.
Vermonters do try to be socially conscious. Activism is an important cultural thing there.
Hippy dips that they are and blindingly white.


*I agree with you, though.
We as a country, every state, every business, needs to make more fundamental shifts. We need to do the work.

10 Unexpected Ways We’ve Thrown Down For Our Values

We don’t just get creative with our ice cream flavors — we also get pretty wild when it comes to fighting for our values.

www.benjerry.com

 

[Tekate]

So.. here we go. First I have no more psychological problems than most people, so your inference that I HAVE them it's quite a stretch given that you don't me.

People like me or they don't, and I don't care if they do or don't.

People who mask are part of society that's the way it is. You can parle it any way YOU want, but it's the truth.. many people present a different person than who they really are because of what we as a society expect.

I would grant that people mask more when they are young.

Here's a great article on revenge (getting even)

Revenge and the people who seek it

New research offers insight into the dish best served cold.

www.apa.org

I think you started a thread to support your belief that most people don't mask, they do, we do it all the time, most times on BBs and sites like this, behind a keyboard people don't mask or as much. My opinion. Your thread shows that people do mask, 50% of the respondents said they don't I suppose I can buy that because I don't mask, but I did when I worked, when I was a young woman in the business world, with my inlaws and with my kids, etc.. I lived many different people at times, smart girl, flirt girl, competent woman (when inside my authentic self felt I wasn't).. etc.. after many years of counseling and reading I learned to be the best me, but I can still mask if I have to for certain situations that come up.

You can suggest all you want that people seek out therapy because they mask but when people work they have to.. because had I not masked when I was working I would have told many people WTF to get off, but I bosses and bills.

So kudos to you! you have unmasked yourself. A very hard thing to do.

Yeah, be yourself everyone.. but do remember @1ofakind you are judging the people you say who are masking (inauthentic selves), maybe if you brought it up to them? Everyone always loves a helpful friend! I mean that as truth.. people may not know they are being inauthentic.

I think you are combining 2 concepts masking and masking behavior.

Masking (personality) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

.

Wearing Masks

The world can be a bruising place for emotionally sensitive people. A regular day can feel like being covered in biting, Texas-sized fire ants. A natural response is to do whatever works to avoid the pain of believing others have judged, rejected or left...

blogs.psychcentral.com

.

If one is masking due to childhood trauma, trauma, PTSD etc, the above blog from psych central I think can be very helpful.

We are indeed on different planes. I feel absolutely no need whatsoever to change or present myself differently in order to be accepted or to fit the circumstances...not because of low self esteem, not because of fear, not insecurity, or trying to be something I'm not.
People like/accept me or they don't. I like most people and accept them as well. People who 'mask' are fake people. What you see is not really who they are...that is the entire point of the article you linked. The word FAKE is in the subtitle!!! 'Inauthentic', 'Impostor' and 'Fake' are all key words used in the body of the article as well, for a reason. The article is not pro- masking or even suggesting that everyone does this. It encourages people to shed their masks and be authentic because keeping a mask up is not presented as an emotionally healthy state.

If anyone feels like they need to even sometimes live behind a mask I would suggest seeking out some professional guidance on how to live more authentically and deal with what is behind that mask. And I don't say that to be mean or flippant. I do know a few people who live behind masks...one in particular does this to an extreme. And another couple who do this even in their marriage. They are all dysfunctional in their relationships, as expected, given they often are not being honest with others or even themselves. They often perceive that others are 'masking' with them as well. Even the people who don't see the mask are not really their 'friends' because they only know the mask and the mask is not real. The one guy....well I don't know if he'll every be real. I've known him for over 30 years and I don't know if I've ever seen the mask come down....he fits everything in that article to a T. He's the saddest and least real person I know.
The couple is at a breaking point now where they realize that being inauthentic is not sustainable for marriage or any relationship. I've been spending a lot of time with her (as have other friends) as she works through this with professional guidance. It's a rocky road for sure. She looked at me one day with confusion and said "Sometimes I don't know how to read you." When I replied that she didn't have to 'read me' because I mean what I say she was even more confused. She is slowly finding comfort in recognizing that she can be herself and we all still love her. I believe she and her husband have a chance of becoming authentic people and saving their marriage. Even the baby steps of transformation so far have been wonderful to see.

Be yourself, no mask. There's good, bad and ugly in all of us...but accept yourself and others for who they are. If you don't like something about yourself, feel you have to hide or change how you present yourself to fit the circumstance or to be accepted...please don't mask. That isn't helping because it isn't real. Change yourself or change the circumstances....you'll be much happier being an authentic person.

 

[Tekate]

I'll try again...I said she doesn't define herself by her race. It's not even in a description/introduction I've heard her give of herself. Of course she knows she's black and I'm sure she thinks about it. However, (although I have not and would never ask who she would vote for) I suspect Joe Biden would say she 'ain't black' at all.

"...we all put on a face in public..." That is quoting your post.

We do.. that is life. Sorry it doesn't go with what you believe, but at times WE ALL put on a mask. Your friend, ask her if she defines herself as a black woman and will vote for Biden because a vote for Trump is a vote against black Americans imo. And Joe had a good point, 'aint black' because Biden understands legislation, he himself has changed his opinion after being more educated, as times changed.. So Sheila may be a rare black American imo.

 

[kenny]

I remember my psychoanalysis telling me many times to be cautious about being 'the new Kenny' (my paraphrase) at work.

Wise woman.

 

[JPie]

I don’t need business owners to be sincere in their beliefs as long as they put their money where their mouth is. Worthy causes still benefit from it, and losing that support can be very detrimental. The nonprofit I volunteer at was forced to lay off staff when a corporate sponsor pulled out of an annual fundraiser. That’s how much of an impact it can have.

If I was choosing between two products with similar features, but one brand donated a percentage of sales to support protesters and the other didn’t, then I know which one I would buy. It’s not being gullible, it’s being pragmatic and strategic to support causes I care about.

Even if donations weren’t involved, I’d still support brands that publicly denounce racism and facism. They likely piss off Trump and I’m down with that.

I was wrong. I came across two examples of businesses that profess to support Black rights and pledged donations, but have histories of discriminating against Black employees. These are just companies that were called out; god knows how many others have also behaved like this but weren't outed. This is not okay.

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[SandyinAnaheim]

I was wrong. I came across two examples of businesses that profess to support Black rights and pledged donations, but have histories of discriminating against Black employees. These are just companies that were called out; god knows how many others have also behaved like this but weren't outed. This is not okay.

You're right, it's not OK, that's why I'm so skeptical of all of these businesses coming out of the woodwork in support, and I believe none of them. I was going to respond to your original post stating that you don't need business owners to be sincere (because I do), but I can only be embroiled in so many things at once while maintaining my time-consuming hobby called work.

I appreciate your bringing this to light and being honest about it. Your star just went up a notch in my estimation, which of course means nothing to anyone....

 

[JPie]

You're right, it's not OK, that's why I'm so skeptical of all of these businesses coming out of the woodwork in support, and I believe none of them. I was going to respond to your original post stating that you don't need business owners to be sincere (because I do), but I can only be embroiled in so many things at once while maintaining my time-consuming hobby called work.

I appreciate your bringing this to light and being honest about it. Your star just went up a notch in my estimation, which of course means nothing to anyone....

What can I say? I’ve had a lot of practice being wrong.