Imitation
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Bliss
Ideal_Rock
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I understand SG's hurt feelings. I wish she would come back. But I also love love love Parrot Tulip's new ring, too!!!!
Personally, I think I'd be happy if others found inspiration from my ring. Mine is custom but it's almost identical to the Tiffany Legacy, only in a round. We made some tweaks, but I would never consider feeling anything but WOW if someone got the exact thing, too. More power to ya! And the more business the fantastic Mark Turnowski gets, the better! He rocks.
I guess if I had an antique ring that was totally unique to me, maybe I'd feel differently? I don't think so, but you never know until it happens to you. But in the end, it's a cosmic reminder not to sweat the small stuff. It's not life or death. We have our health, we have our families... Life is beautiful similar rings or not.
Personally, I think I'd be happy if others found inspiration from my ring. Mine is custom but it's almost identical to the Tiffany Legacy, only in a round. We made some tweaks, but I would never consider feeling anything but WOW if someone got the exact thing, too. More power to ya! And the more business the fantastic Mark Turnowski gets, the better! He rocks.
I guess if I had an antique ring that was totally unique to me, maybe I'd feel differently? I don't think so, but you never know until it happens to you. But in the end, it's a cosmic reminder not to sweat the small stuff. It's not life or death. We have our health, we have our families... Life is beautiful similar rings or not.
I wasn''t even going to chime in on this, but I''ve read every post. All I''m going to say is I am personally sad that 2 people got hurt and that because of all of the ensuing drama, it''s unlikely either will ever want to come back and join us here. That''s really sad. Things escalated, and it would seem that neither person now has an opportunity to return without feeling some embarrassment or resentment. I hope they both come back sometime.
To the actual questions at hand, count me as one who would be flattered to have my ring copied. I''m kinda disappointed no one wants to.
I''m kidding. But I really wouldn''t mind. Material items come and go, even those with great sentimental value. They can still be lost, stolen or destroyed in an accident. I wouldn''t want to place that much value on such a fragile commodity. The sentiment for me has never been in my rings. YMMV.
To the actual questions at hand, count me as one who would be flattered to have my ring copied. I''m kinda disappointed no one wants to.
Elmorton
Ideal_Rock
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PrettyBlues - Oh gosh, asking me to think about a lecture from way back when!! The class I took was looking at literature from the first and second great awakenings, and if I remember right, the reason my class got all up in arms was because the teacher wanted us to look at "uniqueness" as meaning something slightly different than "dare to be different" - because that wasn''t quite the deal with the second great awakening...it was more that it was OK to have different beliefs or values or jobs than your parents (like go to a camp meeting when you''d been raised Episcopalian) - which is entirely different than dying your hair blue to stand out. But I think we did basically decide that the value of being "unique" is closely tied with that of "the American dream" and probably has to do with American culture being one where we often shed identities to follow that dream. I guess to tie those two things is also interesting, because I think a lot of people would argue that the American Dream is dead (or at least a concept that is not very realistic), as postmodernists deem unique artistic expression dead.
Haven - funny, in the middle of this thread, I kept on thinking about plagiarism, too. My stance on plagiarism is that there is cheating and then there is not knowing what the heck you''re doing. At a certain point, of course, not knowing what you''re doing is inexcusable, but typically my students aren''t at that point. With the cheating kind (copying and pasting an article from the internet and then slapping your name on it), I''m pretty harsh with my students. The other kinds are a lot more obvious to me and I take the time to pull the student aside and show them how to use sources (or linking it to this, "inspiration").
What I''m getting at - if I looked at the ring situation from a "plagiarism" standpoint, sure - PSers "plagiarize" rings all the time. But while the act of copying may not be "good," it''s not that action which is so problematic to me. Artistically, people borrow ideas from each other all the time. That''s called collaboration, and I think this site is really about that more than anything else. Rather, it''s the "cheating" problem of plagiarism that I find unacceptable - ie, receiving credit for someone else''s intellectual work.
I don''t want to re-hash all the legal/copyright stuff because I know there are a few legal holes in this argument, but to me, one ring wearer copying another wearer''s ring just isn''t a big deal because I don''t see what''s at stake. A ring wearer receives pretty much no reward for owning a piece of jewelry other than to admire it herself (though she may have a partner or friends who admire it as well). A designer has a different relationship in the equation, because it would be that person''s intellectual work and copying does have a financial or professional reward.
Haven - funny, in the middle of this thread, I kept on thinking about plagiarism, too. My stance on plagiarism is that there is cheating and then there is not knowing what the heck you''re doing. At a certain point, of course, not knowing what you''re doing is inexcusable, but typically my students aren''t at that point. With the cheating kind (copying and pasting an article from the internet and then slapping your name on it), I''m pretty harsh with my students. The other kinds are a lot more obvious to me and I take the time to pull the student aside and show them how to use sources (or linking it to this, "inspiration").
What I''m getting at - if I looked at the ring situation from a "plagiarism" standpoint, sure - PSers "plagiarize" rings all the time. But while the act of copying may not be "good," it''s not that action which is so problematic to me. Artistically, people borrow ideas from each other all the time. That''s called collaboration, and I think this site is really about that more than anything else. Rather, it''s the "cheating" problem of plagiarism that I find unacceptable - ie, receiving credit for someone else''s intellectual work.
I don''t want to re-hash all the legal/copyright stuff because I know there are a few legal holes in this argument, but to me, one ring wearer copying another wearer''s ring just isn''t a big deal because I don''t see what''s at stake. A ring wearer receives pretty much no reward for owning a piece of jewelry other than to admire it herself (though she may have a partner or friends who admire it as well). A designer has a different relationship in the equation, because it would be that person''s intellectual work and copying does have a financial or professional reward.
misspinky
Brilliant_Rock
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I was intrigued at the concept of imitation vs. uniqueness and wondered also what made people in general tend towards one or the other (or both).
According to Wikipedia:
In anthropology, diffusion theories explain why cultures imitate the ideas or practices of other cultures. Some theories hold that all cultures imitate ideas from one or a few original cultures, the Adam of the Bible, or several cultural circles that overlap. Evolutionary diffusion theory holds that cultures are influenced by one another, but that similar ideas can be developed in isolation.
It has been argued by Susan Blackmore in The Meme Machine, that imitation is what makes humans unique among animals.Imitation might have been selected as fit by evolution because those who were good at it had a wider arsenal of learned cultural behavior at their disposal, such as tool making or even language (or great taste in jewelery as applied to this context)
In the mid-20th century, social scientists began to study how and why people imitate ideas. Everett Rogers pioneered diffusion of innovations studies, using research to prove factors in adoption and profiles of adopters of ideas.
As for "uniqueness", it redirects to "originality" which is explained as:
An original idea is one not thought up by another person beforehand.
Sometimes two or more people can come up with the same idea independently.
True origionality is almost impossible to obtain.
There are several abstracts of papers I found pertaining to the psychology behind the desire to be unique, some of which I might read later. I wonder if there are any psychology majors wandering around here...
WishfulThinking
Brilliant_Rock
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THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING2! Psych talk?
I love this stuff. I am such a nerd.
Elmorton- Really interesting points about the copyright issue from that perspective. Thanks for the brain food!
Elmorton- Really interesting points about the copyright issue from that perspective. Thanks for the brain food!
Allison D.
Ideal_Rock
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In the interest of accuracy and fairness......
1. SG hasn''t said a word on the topic herself, nor is she required to. While many would like to hear from her directly, it''s not an obligation for
her to do so. This isn''t a tribunal she has to answer to. She''s a very sharp cookie, and I''m sure she''s smart enough to realize that her
decision to remain silent may lead to speculation, some of which may be accurate and some which may not.
2. It has not been verified that SG ''sent'' anyone to do her speaking for her. It is entirely possible that she was disappointed and shared
that disappointment with friends offline who took it upon themselves to convey her feelings either without her knowledge or with her
knowledge but not at her request. We don''t know.
3. It was entirely her right to pull her photos, especially if she''d prefer to limit the opportunity for further reproductions. I don''t know how well
doing so will serve her purposes now with so many others already having copies of her pictures saved, but it is one thing she can do (and has
the right to do) if she so chooses.
1. SG hasn''t said a word on the topic herself, nor is she required to. While many would like to hear from her directly, it''s not an obligation for
her to do so. This isn''t a tribunal she has to answer to. She''s a very sharp cookie, and I''m sure she''s smart enough to realize that her
decision to remain silent may lead to speculation, some of which may be accurate and some which may not.
2. It has not been verified that SG ''sent'' anyone to do her speaking for her. It is entirely possible that she was disappointed and shared
that disappointment with friends offline who took it upon themselves to convey her feelings either without her knowledge or with her
knowledge but not at her request. We don''t know.
3. It was entirely her right to pull her photos, especially if she''d prefer to limit the opportunity for further reproductions. I don''t know how well
doing so will serve her purposes now with so many others already having copies of her pictures saved, but it is one thing she can do (and has
the right to do) if she so chooses.
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Now that's where I disagree with you, Green! I admire surfgirl's social conscience and I have a conscience of my own, but the fooling around we were doing was absolutely not being done at surfgirl's expense! At least not anything I can recall. We were fooling around about a singer named Harriet singing, "Kumbaya" and teasing each other about being thrown off the forum for not keeping folders and doing all sorts of things that had to do with our teasing each other and not having any ill will towards surfgirl.
I only come here to play and have fun, not to compete and try to outdo other women. I enjoy the women here...pretty much all of them. Surfgirl was never a problem. Holly was a problem. [Just kidding, Holly. You know we worked everything, out. Kumbaya, Holly. Let's go listen to some traditional Christmas carols and go watch Norma Shearer in, "The Women"
.] At any rate, I'm not going to be intimidated into stopping my shenanigans. Shenanigans is what this is about for me .Love to everyone,
Deborah
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Well then get out your duelling pistols. We are on opposite sides of this one, Miss Skippy, and there is no getting around it. I say that we were not doing anything wrong by laughing today. If you want to do something about my saying so, you can meet me a High Noon.
The Sharpshooter
purrfectpear
Ideal_Rock
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I can answer both of Harriet''s questions with this:
I wouldn''t feel anything at all. I''m not affected by what other people think or do. I don''t own my hair color, my make up, or my jewelry style.
Folks, they didn''t steal a lock of your child''s hair and have it cloned. It''s just a ring, and it''s not the first of it''s kind.
I wouldn''t feel anything at all. I''m not affected by what other people think or do. I don''t own my hair color, my make up, or my jewelry style.
Folks, they didn''t steal a lock of your child''s hair and have it cloned. It''s just a ring, and it''s not the first of it''s kind.
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Whew, I''m glad to hear you say that, Elmorton, because... there are many beautiful rings on this board, and many that I admire, but yours is one of the two that I think I could live in and with as 24/7 ring(the other is Coati''s new sparkler). The funny thing is that despite my PS indocrination I could be perfectly happy with a beautiful, unaltered stock setting from some jewelry counter. However, I don''t think I''d want to make an exact copy of a ring that someone else had put together in collaboration with their SO and jeweler. Taking inspiration from another ring, using it as a starting point, is a different matter.
BlueSki231
Brilliant_Rock
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Yes, I was a psych major in college. Only have a B.S. though.. no masters so I''m not a professional or anything!
As I see it, the desire to be unique is totally ego driven.
People go around trying to distinguish themselves from everyone else whether they do it with clothes, cars, knick-nacks around the house, or JEWELRY (ahem
I guess it''s if these things start to control your identity is when you have a problem. Almost like you don''t want anyone to have anything exactly like you because it would mean that part of your identity is being stolen. This, of course, would be totally subconscious. No one would rationally and consciously think that part of their identity is gone because someone has the same ring (or same WHATEVER) as them. But I would say that''s where that "pang" of "HEY that''s MINE! How dare you!" would come from.
I think it''s just unreasonable to think that no one is going to share your taste in anything. And if you DO feel that pang of "How dare you!" then maybe think twice about it and look at it from a different perspective. And I would hope that as we get older and wiser this becomes easier (than it was in middle and HS).
Being able to control your ego is a sign of maturity..
Elmorton
Ideal_Rock
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VRBeauty, my DH and I just high-fived to your response - to be put in the arena with Coati''s gorgeous ring is a pretty huge compliment in my book. Btw, mine IS a stock setting - sadly discontinued, but I think I know of a couple places that still carry it if you ever decide to go for it
I will say that your statement has made me think back to a couple of years ago. When I found my setting, I DID want something "different" - and I remember DH saying "but honey, they stick a big round CZ in the store setting - not many people will ever think of putting an EC in this after seeing the round" - so I do remember that being "unique" was part of the draw of the setting I chose. But when we decided on that setting, I also knew that there was a possibility, even probability that someone out there was running around with the same ring as mine. By the time I was posting photos of it on PS, I practically expected that my ring had been seen before and was nothing new or unique. Maybe the reason that all of us are so calm (or even excited/proud!!) when someone says they would consider making a replica of our ring is because we''ve already considered the fact that another ring like ours is probably out there....?
I will say that your statement has made me think back to a couple of years ago. When I found my setting, I DID want something "different" - and I remember DH saying "but honey, they stick a big round CZ in the store setting - not many people will ever think of putting an EC in this after seeing the round" - so I do remember that being "unique" was part of the draw of the setting I chose. But when we decided on that setting, I also knew that there was a possibility, even probability that someone out there was running around with the same ring as mine. By the time I was posting photos of it on PS, I practically expected that my ring had been seen before and was nothing new or unique. Maybe the reason that all of us are so calm (or even excited/proud!!) when someone says they would consider making a replica of our ring is because we''ve already considered the fact that another ring like ours is probably out there....?
Vix
Shiny_Rock
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[first I have to say I covet all the rings posted on this thread!]
Wow, like many I was bummed that PT's thread did not go down as I would have expected given the owner of PT's inspiration/re-creation ring. SG's ring has been a long-time favorite of mine, and I thought PT was pretty transparent about how her similar love drove her ring-buying process. Sad that we have two upset (former?) members, but the discussion has been very interesting. Hopefully both SG and PT will continue to participate after the dust has settled a bit.
I'm a territorial bitch who enjoys her extremely modest, semi-unusual, allegedly vintage ring (as you can see from my avatar, it's a very common hex setting but each side of the shank has art nouveau-y filigree that forms a heart, and I haven't seen that too often). So I'm sure I would initially be rather "Heeeey I was trying to be different and now you've ruined my uniqueness you ring-concept-stealing slattern!"
But I like to think that would soon change to feeling extremely flattered by their good taste. This being PS, I'm sure any re-creation would involve a considerable upsizing, so feeling flattered would also be a self-protective measure.
Of course one never knows etc etc but I've had people on renovation forums email me to tell me my kitchen tile inspired them to use the same stuff. Yes, I've had a few pangs of "It's one thing when I use [Louis Comfort] Tiffany as a precedent but them copying me...why can't they use white subway tile like everyone else*?" but overall I hope they enjoy theirs as much as I enjoy mine. Now if anyone copies my bathroom tile....
[kidding!]
Cue comments about kitchens not being as sentimental as an engagement ring, ha!
* no offense to white subway tile lovers
Wow, like many I was bummed that PT's thread did not go down as I would have expected given the owner of PT's inspiration/re-creation ring. SG's ring has been a long-time favorite of mine, and I thought PT was pretty transparent about how her similar love drove her ring-buying process. Sad that we have two upset (former?) members, but the discussion has been very interesting. Hopefully both SG and PT will continue to participate after the dust has settled a bit.
I'm a territorial bitch who enjoys her extremely modest, semi-unusual, allegedly vintage ring (as you can see from my avatar, it's a very common hex setting but each side of the shank has art nouveau-y filigree that forms a heart, and I haven't seen that too often). So I'm sure I would initially be rather "Heeeey I was trying to be different and now you've ruined my uniqueness you ring-concept-stealing slattern!"
But I like to think that would soon change to feeling extremely flattered by their good taste. This being PS, I'm sure any re-creation would involve a considerable upsizing, so feeling flattered would also be a self-protective measure.
Of course one never knows etc etc but I've had people on renovation forums email me to tell me my kitchen tile inspired them to use the same stuff. Yes, I've had a few pangs of "It's one thing when I use [Louis Comfort] Tiffany as a precedent but them copying me...why can't they use white subway tile like everyone else*?" but overall I hope they enjoy theirs as much as I enjoy mine. Now if anyone copies my bathroom tile....
Cue comments about kitchens not being as sentimental as an engagement ring, ha!
* no offense to white subway tile lovers
surfgirl
Ideal_Rock
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If you'd asked me this last week, I would have said I don't think I would be very happy about having my ering being copied exactly. And I think that's because I've never seen another piece like it and combined with the deep personal meaning it holds for me, I wouldn't like seeing copies laying about. After opening a thread and seeing an exact replica of my ring, I can say to those of you who are surprised at my reaction, I too, am surprised at my reaction. I know I wouldn't have been happy about a copy, but when actually faced with a copy, I had no idea how upset it would make me. I wont bore you with the whys because they are too personal to share on this forum. Suffice it to say that I'm very surprised at how this made me feel and react, and I suppose the bottom line is you never really know how you're going to react to something until it happens to you. And therefore, there isn't any real answer to the second part of Harriet's question because nobody can tell another person how they should feel about anything. It just is what it is. Maybe folks that don't own an antique ring, and who have not gone on that quest, don't get it, but it's not the same to me as someone liking someone's setting and calling Pearlman's and buying it too. Nor is it the same as commissioning a popular Leon setting. If someone copied my 5-stone ring I could care less and in fact a friend did, and I was happy that she was so happy about her ring. I have freely assisted and encouraged many women on their search to find their own unique antique erings, and each one that has used mine as one of their inspirations, has gone on to find her own beautiful and very unique piece. And I have been thrilled for each of those ladies because I know what it feels like to search and search and then you find your special, unique ring. This was very different to me.
I never meant for this all to be aired here on PS either. Some dear friends were upset on my behalf and spoke up, and all I can do is appreciate that they cared enough about me to express what they did because they understand how I feel about this. But I was not posting through anyone. I wanted to just go away, quite honestly. But since this is out there, and you now know how some people feel about the subject of copying, I do think that Harriet's initial question bears further discussion because it brings up a lot of things that aren't really discussed here regarding ethics and things like that. I'll just leave it at that.
It is good to see Surfgirl posting on this.
I can attestify to what she is saying, not about jewellery, but about another thing in my personal life. When things actually happen to you, you have no choice sometimes as to how you feel and are surprised too about how it makes you feel. Sometimes the things you feel bad about too are actually good in someways and that is the biggest thing that throws how well you know yourself ofcourse.
The new ring is beautiful but Surfgirl''s ring still looks different to me in someways. Maybe because her stone is bigger I don''t know but surfgirl''s ring looks narrower compared to the stone.
I can attestify to what she is saying, not about jewellery, but about another thing in my personal life. When things actually happen to you, you have no choice sometimes as to how you feel and are surprised too about how it makes you feel. Sometimes the things you feel bad about too are actually good in someways and that is the biggest thing that throws how well you know yourself ofcourse.
The new ring is beautiful but Surfgirl''s ring still looks different to me in someways. Maybe because her stone is bigger I don''t know but surfgirl''s ring looks narrower compared to the stone.
Props to you for your classy and honest post. We appreciate you and all that you have contributed to Pricescope. You have been a real asset to so many here especially us antique diamond lovers. You have personally been awesome to us (2Artists) and helped us when we were stuck in a bad situation. You not only greatly helped us but you actually cracked us up to boot when we were really stressed out. We were so glad to see your post. You were sorely missed.
Thank you again for everything and for your brave post.
2Artists
Thank you again for everything and for your brave post.
2Artists
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Hi Surfgirl: Thanks for your (as always) thoughtful post. This is a difficult subject and i think you''re right -- few if any of us can predict how we would react if we were unexpectedly faced with a similar situation.
Its also nice to see your avatar again! There are a several rings on PS that I might--- maybe --- recognize if their owners were walking towards me on the sidewalk. However, there''s only one diamond would light a spark of recognition, and it''s the beauty in your ring.
Its also nice to see your avatar again! There are a several rings on PS that I might--- maybe --- recognize if their owners were walking towards me on the sidewalk. However, there''s only one diamond would light a spark of recognition, and it''s the beauty in your ring.
LGK
Ideal_Rock
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Surfgirl, thanks for the thoughtful post. I know a lot of us recall you as being quite articulate, and definitely able to speak for yourself, so I'm glad to see you posting your thoughts.
Re: the topic. I too own a fairly singular antique setting. I don't think I would care if someone copied it. But then, I do think it's an interesting point that one doesn't always know exactly what one will do faced with a situation until it happens. (I will admit had a moment like that this week- I completely lost my temper at someone and didn't know I was going to until I was smack in the middle of telling him off.) I didn't design it though; I don't know if I would be more attached if I had.
I do know that generally an antique setting is one that you had to look pretty hard for, and it can take a while to find a piece that speaks to you, and when you do it does feel pretty personal to your own taste, and I could see it being a weird moment seeing it on someone else's hand. I would like to think I'd get over it quickly and move on to "that's cool she thought I had great taste". (That being said, I doubt I'll ever be in that situation- my setting would be pretty un-copy-able unless you used Van Craeynest type die struck and piercing techniques.)
Re: the topic. I too own a fairly singular antique setting. I don't think I would care if someone copied it. But then, I do think it's an interesting point that one doesn't always know exactly what one will do faced with a situation until it happens. (I will admit had a moment like that this week- I completely lost my temper at someone and didn't know I was going to until I was smack in the middle of telling him off.) I didn't design it though; I don't know if I would be more attached if I had.
I do know that generally an antique setting is one that you had to look pretty hard for, and it can take a while to find a piece that speaks to you, and when you do it does feel pretty personal to your own taste, and I could see it being a weird moment seeing it on someone else's hand. I would like to think I'd get over it quickly and move on to "that's cool she thought I had great taste". (That being said, I doubt I'll ever be in that situation- my setting would be pretty un-copy-able unless you used Van Craeynest type die struck and piercing techniques.)
neatfreak
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Surfgirl Thanks so much for coming back and posting. It's much appreciated to get things cleared up.
And just something to note, I think a HUGE part of all this drama surrounding this is NOT that SG was upset, but that PT's celebration thread was completely crashed and her happiness tainted by someone posting that SG was really upset with PT.
For what it's worth, I don't think this would have caused nearly the drama it did or have everyone so incensed if there had been no thread crashing.
Seems to be a situation of "treat others the way you wish to be treated". Before crashing someone else's celebration thread we should all think about how it would make us feel if it were OUR engagement thread.
And just something to note, I think a HUGE part of all this drama surrounding this is NOT that SG was upset, but that PT's celebration thread was completely crashed and her happiness tainted by someone posting that SG was really upset with PT.
For what it's worth, I don't think this would have caused nearly the drama it did or have everyone so incensed if there had been no thread crashing.
Seems to be a situation of "treat others the way you wish to be treated". Before crashing someone else's celebration thread we should all think about how it would make us feel if it were OUR engagement thread.
babysteps
Brilliant_Rock
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Wow. Great question, great thought-provoking responses. I have missed PS! Have to agree with those who noted you feel what you feel at the time, and ''should'' as relates to ''feelings'' . . . never works. I will stay completely away from issues of copyright law/trademarks/etc. since I''m totally unqualified to comment, and also the question addressed emotions, not statutes. The one thought I kept having reading through (and through!) the thread is that, IMO, sharing detailed information about a ring (words/pictures/whatever) makes it seem more in the public domain as a product. While it is still an intensely personal, sacred symbol to the owner, having all the information out there does make it more accessible to others. Even in my private life, I would have different expectations of ''ownership'' of a design if I was just wearing a new ring (and a friend took ''spy'' pix and made one) vs. showing up at parent/teacher night and saying to a group of close friends "hey, check out my new ring, here is a printout with the specs and multiple close-up photos from various angles" - at that point, I would personally be hard-pressed to find fault if one of them said "this is perfect - I am SO getting one!".
iheartscience
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Ditto to all of this!
princesss
Ideal_Rock
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Surfgirl, I''m glad to see you posting on here. I''m also very glad to hear that your friends speaking up for you was not at your request. That had been my assumption, since you are always a very forthright poster, and I''m glad to see that that hasn''t changed.
But I think you bring up an interesting point on this situation. You talk about the search for your e-ring, and the struggle to find just the right piece. But it seems to me that PT went through that, too. And that when she finally found a ring (that just happened to be your ring) that made her heart sing and her breath catch in her throat, she had the same moment you did when you found your ring. That feeling of "My search is over, that is IT!" Probably very few of us can relate to that, but it seems you and PT have a unique relationship in this, because you probably went through very similar experiences. Or maybe she was lucky, and found a picture of yours before engagement was in the picture, and dreamed of the day when a ring like that could be hers. Yes the ring has very special meaning to you, but hers has a very special meaning to her.
I can''t begin to say how I feel somebody *should* feel about a situation like this, because I can''t imagine trying to tell somebody how to react. We react how we react. It''s not like your head can tell your heart, "Hey, heart, that''s a mighty silly feeling you''re experiencing. You should knock that off." Feelings just are. But I hope when you are past the initial shock, I hope you can think about how you would feel if you were in PT''s shoes, and you found the ring of your dreams only to have somebody you admire be hurt and frustrated by it. Both reactions (yours and whatever hers actually is) are valid and understandable, and I hope that in the next few days or weeks, your unhappiness and discomfort pass.
ITA with NF. If PT''s thread hadn''t been crashed, this probably never would have exploded the way it did, and you probably would have been able to just quietly slip away for a while. I''m sorry for that.
But I think you bring up an interesting point on this situation. You talk about the search for your e-ring, and the struggle to find just the right piece. But it seems to me that PT went through that, too. And that when she finally found a ring (that just happened to be your ring) that made her heart sing and her breath catch in her throat, she had the same moment you did when you found your ring. That feeling of "My search is over, that is IT!" Probably very few of us can relate to that, but it seems you and PT have a unique relationship in this, because you probably went through very similar experiences. Or maybe she was lucky, and found a picture of yours before engagement was in the picture, and dreamed of the day when a ring like that could be hers. Yes the ring has very special meaning to you, but hers has a very special meaning to her.
I can''t begin to say how I feel somebody *should* feel about a situation like this, because I can''t imagine trying to tell somebody how to react. We react how we react. It''s not like your head can tell your heart, "Hey, heart, that''s a mighty silly feeling you''re experiencing. You should knock that off." Feelings just are. But I hope when you are past the initial shock, I hope you can think about how you would feel if you were in PT''s shoes, and you found the ring of your dreams only to have somebody you admire be hurt and frustrated by it. Both reactions (yours and whatever hers actually is) are valid and understandable, and I hope that in the next few days or weeks, your unhappiness and discomfort pass.
ITA with NF. If PT''s thread hadn''t been crashed, this probably never would have exploded the way it did, and you probably would have been able to just quietly slip away for a while. I''m sorry for that.
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- Jan 26, 2003
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- 22,146
Hi, surfgirl. It''s really nice to be among eloquent women. Neatfreak and princess said anything I would have said and thing2of2 agreed with at least part of it. To summarize, though, for me the issue was that most unfortunately you were not allowed to go away with your feelings as was your right. Other people spoke for you where they should not have. You might have just calmed down in time. I will be hoping that that is ultimately what will happen and that you remain a regular poster here. We need your voice in Around the World. You have a good mind and a good heart and a voice of reason when considering the world stage. I don''t want to let that go.
Hugs,
Deb
Hugs,
Deb
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